dream fragment

Some in-line notes.

23rd December 2021

Recall was left too long and could only retain vague fragments.

Fragment:

Something about being at old home, I'm in my room and it's sunny outside, though my curtains are drawn closed. They're the old white and yellow diamond curtains. I am moving towards my desk in the corner and feel the need to self-pleasure, but something makes it feel like I can't.

Then, something about going for an appointment. I am briefly outside. The light in the dream seems off somehow, like there's too much shade despite being daytime and how sunny it is, but I don't realise any of this while dreaming. Something happens in regards to me going to the appointment or something, and then I'm home. (Did this scene happen first?)

Fragment:

I'm outdoors and I was in a car before. The place I'm in is a forest and I eventually go through a cave too. There's a relatively small female black bear character, which has something anthropomorphic about it. I want to kill it using a rifle, and kite the bear around all over the place, at one point the bear becomes enraged (like a game buff) and I have awareness that a single hit from the bear could kill me. (Similar feel to being the scout on DRG and kiting a dangerous enemy)

Another half-anthro animal was involved in this at one point.


24th December 2021

Fragment:

It's relatively bright but not exactly sunny. I'm in our bedroom with H, who's on the bed and then there's something that means I have to get up. At one point, we have an interaction with H's grandfather, who's apparently staying with us. (He passed away a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday) He knows about us sleeping in the same bed, and doesn't seem to mind.

5th December 2021

Fragment:

Vague recall of being in my old bedroom. Dark, based on light, probably morning outside. My oldest sibling is at my computer playing some game.

(recall gap)

In some kind of hybrid space RTS/base defence thing. It doesn't feel like a game in the dream. Things go well at first, and then the attacking alien waves start to become much stronger. My fleet thing can't keep up and eventually things seem to sort of blend seamlessly into a big wide sort of control room. It's bright, and white-ish. The aliens are blue-grey or silvery and I remember checking their HP and realising that it's much higher than whenever I last checked it. (I am not sure why, but at the time of writing this, this made me think of Ender's Game)

Then I start feeling like I'm alone and overwhelmed by the situation. The invaders become a mix of TCG units, but semi three dimensional. Some units have names that feel sexual? I get close to a "succubus zombie something" unit and it seems to just be the legs. Visually things don't make much sense. The legs are blue and have something like a mouth between them but I perceive this as female genitals during the dream. I stick my finger in the mouth and feel around inside. The teeth, lips and tongue look cartoonish, and are the normal "ideal" colours.


6th December 2021

Fragment:

(left recall too long) Something about a boy I'm mentoring. I think I understand that I can't teach him everything at once and that the lessons I want to teach him aren't necessarily the ones that I can or should teach him right now. Dream location seems to be some mix of old home and an unknown place. It's dark? Abyssal? Certainly vast in some respect.


12th December 2021

Fragment:

(recall left whole day) Something in a town, with H. Semi-detached houses. Then, something in a mall. Vast and open, orange and cream tones (sounds nice but don't have any visual recall anymore). Nobody is wearing a mask except for myself. I go down some stairs/escalator. I think I go past a food court?

I leave the mall through a front entrance, I think. Eventually I'm back with H somewhere, and I comment on how "people 'down South' are careless" or something to that effect.

23rd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too long) In one bit I'm trying out some of H's clamp meters (not waking life ones) and I pick up one that has a Bosch blue colour to it; the clamp is flat on the inside, and grippy.

I try it on a few different things and get nothing. Then I realise I'm in the wrong mode and change it to read amps. Then, I try one of our kitchen forks with it. Somehow it reads 4A and I feel a tingle and buzz through my arm (which is holding the fork?); I check the voltage and it's quite high and I decide to go tell H and see what he thinks. I feel like there's some insulation missing or something on the meter, for this to be happening.

20th November 2021

Fragment:

Somewhat adventure-like dream. (left recall too long) Something about turning some huge metal wheels in a couple of buildings at a sea side quay. This makes the clocks of a large nearby church work again.
(I have vague recall even now of the dream, visually. I think at one point I was on some rafters in the church, but I also recall it was a bit of an overcast and yellow-ish day outside.)


21st November 2021

Dream:

I'm with mom in a kitchen of sorts. There's a weird gas oven of some kind that mom is using. I'm just doing some cutlery things with a cupboard. I had just been talking to H and asking if he wasn't going to eat his egg soup thing. Also something about "chef John".

Mom is trying to get the gas thing going and has some rice and sausages which will be getting cooked. I tell her some wicks (?) have gone out. She increases the flow, nothing happens at first and then big flames from those wicks. I tell her she should back it down and she does. Then the food she was cooking seems to have become overdone for her liking. The sausages have supposedly gone sour, and the rice stodgy. I taste a slice of sausage and it tastes bland but not sour, although I did smell something sour.

Then I'm checking my phone. Something weird is going on and I conclude it's a virus on my phone. Messages I'd received are FUBAR on a UI-level and I can't dismiss anything. Pressing home just takes me to some sort of gallery, which has pictures of beaches and of naked female porn stars or something to that effect.


22nd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too late) Something about being on a highway or the like. Traffic direction orientation is not as I would expect for where I live. At one point I do not perceive myself as being in a vehicle and am somehow pulling myself along fast enough to at speed, but it feels like I'm struggling a bit. There's a T-junction that's more like a corner and I want to go left where the road curves more naturally.

15th November 2021

Fragment:

Outside on our street. I am coming to see H, who's arriving in the van. He's parked on the opposite side of the road. It's dark outside, but doesn't seem like it's either night or day? I pick up a delivery that was left for us on the pavement, rather than through the door. I open the van passenger door and talk to H about the package and how I find what they did to be annoying. Someone's on the passenger seat, maybe H's sister, A?

Just before this, I'm in the front room doing something and the light is on. I think the curtains are open?

Earlier, some bit on Diablo II where I'm checking how different armour plates look on the barbarian (looks more realistic than he should?).

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

30th October 2021

Scraps (DFLN):

Game-like world, lots of yellow sulphur colours. Some kind of secret level with giant spiders. I don't feel afraid but possibly a little anxious because of the overall situation; I feel pressured to get to the bottom quickly, there may be a timer or score. The spiders look like alternate versions of regular garden spiders (orb weavers, I think).

Some other bit, T is at a computer playing a game and I stab him from behind at the top of his back with two black steel arrows and then I quickly pull them back out. He doesn't seem to be in pain and has very little reaction to this. I'm doing this for his own good, not to kill him. I put pressure over the bleeding. This seems to take place at some kind of open but sheltered guard tower, in a castle or something?

Possibly still from that bit, some kind of trade hub town. It's blown up by a nuke thing at one point, and using time travel I find out it was bound to happen at 7PM. I find out circumstances are different from what I had expected, something about an army general.

24th October 2021

Scraps: Something about a planet and an RTS-like view. Before that, with a group of people.


27th October 2021

Scraps: I'm in a supermarket or such like and I am talking to someone about Guinness (the drink).


28th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes.

Fragment:

I'm outside, a green area, possibly a field in a rural area, sunny, bright, clear. (The location is realistic but the player characters are mostly as in-game, maybe perceived as slightly more realistic) There's a fairly large group of Horde players staging something over by slightly hilly corner of the field. I have an NPC forsaken rogue bodyguard, being a rogue myself, seeing in the usual third-person view.

The AI for my bodyguard isn't especially clever, but when I come out of stealth the NPC does support me a fair bit in a logical way. Most of the Horde players don't react to my ambushes; I repeatedly target priests and mages, focusing each one down. Most of my targets are forsaken themselves and are wearing T1 gear. I employ the usual rogue tactics, stealth, ambush, cloak of shadows, vanish. During the dream, I presume part of the reason they don't get at me in full force is some shock or surprise factor, with some awareness that their collective looked a bit too passive for that to be the reason. (Possibly an intrusion from some classic videos I remember from way back when, where people sometimes ignored fights or were AFK standing around etc.)

The last target is an enemy rogue who I have a small chase with and then end up using cheap shot and stun locking him to death in the dark cover of some bushes. (Think he was forsaken too)

An earlier bit; something in space. It's a mix of Master of Orion II and other space games which are 3D. Something about starting a new game and not being able to pick previous locations in the galaxy. I remember being able to see one of my previous ships or avatars travelling through space, in a distant system while in some kind of strategy view.

20th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes. Was too tired to properly write down initial notes on recall.

Fragment:

Growing female dream character, an NPC of some kind. She's white, her hair is not black but it's dark and tied back. I have to watch over her for a while to make sure I get points correctly for some reason. She is or gets to about three or four times my size. We're in water, or floating in the air?

Before that, there was more going on in the same area, something about a dream thing? (Intrusion from "Dream Academy" related PM by MoonageDaydream, I really regretted not being able to hold on to this part of recall.)

Even earlier, something about Ed Edd 'n Eddy (the cartoon); I'm talking to someone but seeing/watching the cartoon too? I mention that some of my interest in growth themes probably comes from watching cartoons like this. Some appropriately themed scene plays out in the cartoon, involving Edd mostly, I think. (I remember on waking considering how he was often a thematically unwilling victim, even in a case like this that might be "empowering").

16th October 2021

Fragment:

Something involving myself in my reptilian form. (I had slightly raised awareness for a while but recall was lost.) Some kind of laboratory facility or complex? I recall some bit involving swimming and someone had invented some equipment that had nano forge vents that would absorb oxygen directly into the bloodstream, from the water.

Some other part, travelling on a highway but in an odd place; sunny and mountainous/cliffy. There's an unfinished road on the return trip and I'd have to build the bridge somehow.

Fragment:

I'm at the old home, it's early morning and S needs walking. I want to, but can't find the things I need and get confused by a different layout of the light switches.

(For brief moments I'd wake up and realise I was actually not at the dream location and that there was really no dog in need of a walk but then I'd drift back to sleep and the dream would continue on the same theme. H was there with me.)

Then I'm at A somewhere near the mall. The layout is different and the buildings look different too. As I observe, I make conclusions about how I draw buildings based on the look of these buildings, near a threshold of awareness that's almost lucid. I remember carefully studying the outlines of the buildings.


18th October 2021

Recall faded for leaving it too long.

Dream (fragmented):

I'm in a town or city. It's very dark and night time, and I'm in a car or something with someone driving me, possibly H or family. Then I notice these empty buses being escorted into a residential suburban area. In the dream there's some pretext about overpopulation and some event to which people will be going to, the next day. I comment on this out loud, I think in a disappointed or judgmental way.

(When I woke up, I thought about how this seemed like a preparation phase for a change in my personality. A lot of dream characters to move.)

Earlier in the dream. I'm with H in the car and we're stopping somewhere. We're in a similar residential area with detached housing, it's daytime and overcast. Then we're in a house but it has a more office-like feel. There are two white men here, both older than either me or H. One is an electrician and the other someone relating to this place. We help with some issue, a rug trapped under a bit of carpeted floor. The office guy appreciates the help but doesn't quite like the result of what we've done even though the previous situation had caused him an injury. There's some kind of table nearby? A pool or cue table, maybe.

Earlier again. Something in a city, outer view from above of a skyscraper which I'd previously seen in the dream, only head-on or at street level. The top view showed a weird outline, it had the shape of a Liberty star from FL but something else too. In the dream it made sense as to explain something about the building, when seen in a profile view. I was in some kind of complex before any of this.


19th October 2021

Fragment:

Vague recall. I'm in our bedroom but in the dream context I'm not sure it feels that way. It's dark and maybe night time. I'm ordering food somehow? Getting fast food, I think someone recommended I get McDonald's. Dad is here at one point and we're talking, we're outside somewhere, again night time. I think the dream jumps between these two settings a few times.

---

Notes:

- In the 18th's dream, there had been transitions, but like many other dreams lately, when I come to writing recall down for dreams, the transitional periods between scenes often just fizzle away from memory and I know that in some cases the dreams were long and continuous.

Some in-line bracketed notes.


12th October 2021

(First and third dreams, long and bordering on epic, as well as being vivid, to the point that I still have decent visual recall of the last one even now)

Fragment:

I'm outside somewhere. There's a post-apocalypse sense. It's daytime and sunny and I'm atop a mountain of sorts. There's a crashed jet that has been here a while by the looks of it. I am descending the mountain carefully. The path I need to take isn't clear. Something about O and K (H's friends) and this feeling like a survival game. They have a base together somewhere in a cliff-side and I feel they are trying too hard at efficiency. At some point at the base of the mountain, there are undead and I fight them in first-person with a knife of some sort. H helps me in some way. This area looks crypt-like, but ruined.

(The vastness of the game area makes me think of that area in Cybermancy that takes place on... Mars? But this feels more Earth-like environment-wise and stuff looks a bit unpolished)

Later, night time in a village of some kind. There's an inn? Context seems more normal now though.

Dream:

Something about me and two other people, maybe siblings or friends. We hijack ourselves into someone's family car. We ask them forcibly to take us somewhere out of a city. It is daytime and sunny. The place we reach is some old and small fortification. It has rounded edges and is painted white but looks abandoned otherwise. The man in the car, the driver, vents his frustration about the situation at some point, and doesn't want to leave?

Before we get out of the car, I give his wife a teal 25 euro note, as compensation for taxying us. I remember at first the notes felt just like one, but I realised they were more just stiffly rolled together. I was going to give her a yellow 20 euro note at first.

Out of the car. There are some external stairs to the top. Inside, there's a plain room with a door that I know to be hidden behind a curtain of sorts. My companions go in there, but I don't. I go back out and up atop.

Dream:

I am in a place like Karazhan but even bigger. I think I tell H about it, do not recall reply. I'm with a 25-man group and HW is here I think. There's a boss that's accessible on an outdoor rampart. It's gloriously sunny and bright outside, almost over-exposed and white, but the boss is actually in a room past the end of this short-ish and curved rampart. The raid group is behind me in a hallway and someone has to go pull the boss, I say I will.

I run in the darker flame-lit boss room and get in aggro range, then using evasion and sprint away back to the main raid group. I have cloak of shadows ready to use at any moment and I let the tank take the boss off me and the end of the hall room the raid is in. I start to deal damage, very slowly and cautiously, but nobody else does the same. I use feint regularly and the rest of the raid group starts attacking but even despite all my caution I am starting to gain too much threat. I vanish at least once to clear it off but quickly builds back up. I get targeted and end up dying.

Somehow, in the end I still did the most damage and am revived after the fight. For some reason a few others also died but not from pulling aggro.

My class seems to be a mix of a rogue and a paladin. When I am revived I buff with greater blessings as appropriate, which as always I find somewhat annoying to do. We go into the darker areas of this enormous alternate version of Karazhan. We walk for quite a while and go up ramps and such. At some point we come out at a bit that is like the interior of Blackrock Mountain but even more vast and a bit of a blend with some general areas of Molten Core. I realise I can mount at this point and quickly take a detour near some pouring magma bit, and take a quest there from an NPC I think.

Then I rush back on a swift grey ram mount towards the next area's entrance. This is much more like MC now and the next boss is some kind of golem.

4th October 2021

Scraps:

(a long dream, but poor recall)

Some RTS segment and I recall beaches and water.

One part a bit Minecraft-like or some other game. T is here and someone else is with me? Some kind of tower, or otherwise large structure.

One of the last parts of the dream, I am my alter-ego and there are interactions with me as such. The other people are dream-generated. They seem to be pressuring me, or something? Despite my form, I feel slightly shorter than others.

Some other dream? H has convinced mom and dad to bring S over here. I think H goes to pick them up and I remember seeing them all at one point. I feel concerned about S because of all the usual reasons regarding costs and also because of the long trip.

Notes:

- The last part was certainly a reflection of how I sometimes don't feel listened to or validated on, regarding both matters of money and of companionship. In the segment, some beliefs I hold as very important are partly betrayed by my closest, besides the fact I feel it may be detrimental to both S's health and to my financial situation.

- That same segment probably also relates to how I have often been very easily upset by changes to what a situation is and changes to what it would be or would have been.

- More recently it has been more frequent for me to take on my alternate form in my non-lucid dreams. In this case, the context likely relates to my art and some perception that the expectations of others are above my own. My stature is clearly metaphorical in regards to my feelings in terms of recognition, but this dream element also relates directly to some of my choice themes and how I've often felt physically inadequate in some specific areas (primarily to my own expectations) when compared to others.
-- I do not recall what exactly the other people were pressuring me about, but in terms of my waking life contexts, art is the most directly relevant context here.

1st October 2021

Fragment:

I am in T's room. We're sitting together at his desk, which is facing the window. The curtains are open and it's a sunset outside. The sun keeps glaring in my face and I struggle with the brightness. At the same time, I can't get comfortable at the desk. I have a square monitor and my arms and wrists hurt with the way they rest on the desk, partly because my chair is too short. T says to do something about it then, and I get some pillows to stack on the seat.

In the middle of all this struggling, I end up at first missing the fact that the sunset is now over and the light is on now, but the curtains are still open.

(recall gap, the following are scraps from the same dream)

In WoW, I am mailing an item to myself. Some kind of developer marriage is interrupted by fans.

I am then in a Star Trek universe and am with an away team. End up in a room back on the ship where I try to use a replicator but I end up pooping myself in the room's bathroom or something.

---

Notes:

- The Star Trek locale was very reminiscent to the sets and layouts of Voyager, which I've recently been watching.
-- In that part of the dream, I remember feeling confused at several points and many things were going against me, in terms of events playing out. I think I may have been confined to some quarters. The replicator I tried using didn't function properly, at least for anything I wanted, but I can't recall what that mighthave been anymore.

- In the WoW segment, I was mailing an item to the same character I was playing and not an alt, something that's never been possible.
-- I have a faint recollection of the locale being some altered version of Stormwind.

- During the initial segment of the dream, I am struggling with issues that typically T would be more likely to struggle with, at least in regards to his room and layout. I would not have so much of an issue with the sun and would probably be appreciating it, in waking life. In a way, this dream moment is a window into my perception of his experience, on some level.

- The experience of struggling against the glaring sunset reminds me now very strikingly of the time I was walking back home with mom, at a time of a sunset but during which I hit my head on something metal and started bleeding, all of which was caused by struggling against a glaring sunset directly ahead.

24th September 2021

Left recall too late.

Fragment:

I'm in Gruul's lair, it's mostly like in WoW but something seems more realistic in detail, characters maybe? Me and a raid group kill Gruul rather quickly. It's a 25 man group but oddly most of the characters aren't actual players? I remember talking to someone too.

---

26th September 2021

There were other dreams but recall was again left too late I think?

Fragment:

One bit where I'm in space with an Avorion spaceship. I approach one of those concentric asteroid ring formations. Something later about dad talking to me about a mission or a bet which is worth sixty eight million. I am dismissive.

---

Notes:

- Maybe the realistic character details come from recently playing Conan Exiles.

- It may have been that I was speaking to L in the Gruul's lair dream but I cannot recall. There seemed to be some kind of backwards logic to the raid progression.

- I haven't actually been playing much in the way of space games.

13th September 2021

Recall mostly gone, left initial writing for too long.

Fragment:

I'm on our street but it's not like in waking life. It's a mix of streets from old London as in films and also of where H's mom lives. I just gout out of the car, maybe on my own. It's day time, but overcast? In the dream everything has a very real feel to it. As I'm dreaming, my memory feels fuzzy; "18, that's not the number of J's door, but this doesn't look like our street?" I think to myself.

I'm not sure what conclusion I made but I eventually go to ring the doorbell and go in. J is here briefly, I think. The house looks nothing like any of our homes, it just seems dream generated. Something about a pit or elevator shaft. Some task or chore that needs doing, possibly related to it? While indoors, it seems like the outside gets brighter than it had been.

---

20th September 2021

Scraps:

Getting into fights and arguments with my eldest sibling. As a dream character he blends with some stereotype/nasty dream character archetype. He's treating me like shit and has called me pathetic a great number of times over several days (false memory). I threaten him saying "I can change but you won't like it." I resist an urge to flip the dining table against him. Mom and dad defend me in their ways. Dad mentions something about if he'd had the dream/nightmare that I had... (my recall of this trailed off but there was an implied behaviour that he was being understanding)

At some point I throw a wooden chair against the wall. (It breaks?) Night time, we're in the second floor of the old home, the kitchen is L shaped.

Some other dream also involving old home themes, recall vague. I remember looking at some M/M stuff (on the computer?) and then some kind of disagreements?

---

22nd September 2021

Fragment:

In a supermarket with H. Very realistic, completely dream generated setting. Lots of running (literal?) around, as it's closing soon. Night time, they dim the lights but too much, I feel. I hope that H will complain as I am running around. Then the lights are still dim, but more acceptably so.

---

Notes:

- Recall has actually not been too bad in general for the last few months, but I keep leaving recall too long or falling asleep again without enough awareness to either recall later or to set an intent to notice I was falling asleep.

- In the second fragment, there's some sort of mirroring with the initial context and an incident when I was six or seven, at school.