dream fragment

3rd August 2021

Fragment:

I am in some kind of complex, a lab or hospital. Something about hand gel at the entrance and an old man (part of staff) is commenting on its futility. Dark and moody environment, maybe some red lighting.

(recall gap)

I'm in a car with my cousin T and our aunt B, plus someone else I can't recall anymore. My aunt is driving and I'm sitting in the middle at the back, with T sat to my right. I'm kind of slumping and when I try to do something about it, it feels like not much changes. Our arms are touching in some way that feels kind of sensual, I feel that she is feeling as I am feeling, that it's a good sensation but that we shouldn't be doing it. On some level I'm concerned someone in the front of the car will notice, but on another level I also feel myself not caring.

In the dream I think about how I haven't felt this specific pleasure of touch in so long, (as if it had been years).

31st July 2021

Fragment:

(chronology and order a bit messed up in recall)

I'm travelling through space back to Earth. I have to travel so far that it takes two hundred years to get back to Earth. It's implied I use some kind of cryogenic sleep and for me only moments seem to have passed between all the travelling. But I remember time spent during travel. At some point I fiddle on with a mini-disc player that can supposedly output video signal around the back. I have some frustrations with the player. I note that its model is an "MD-6" and recall that it looks a bit like a high end CD player we have in our bedroom in waking life.

This mini-disc player is on the floor and this bit looks a bit like my parents' old room. Where mom's study used to be, the enclosed balcony bit, is like a viewing area and I can see into space; it extends further than it would in waking life. There's a planet or two and a star, white? Space is pretty black and realistic in that sense of it.

I think about how mini-disc as a format wasn't meant for video output and understand that to be part of my frustrations with getting the unit to work (the way I want it to?). I don't recall a screen or what the video was anymore, but I do recall watching some of it.

(gap)

Some other part aboard the ship, talking to another crew member?

(gap)

When I get back to Earth, the year is 2400 or so. There are alien overlords of several species, dealing with unrest on Earth. I do not feel opposed to their presence, but I feel annoyed at all of it in general. One of the alien overlords is a giant and grey scaly creature, which I like the look of. Another one, whom I'm with in a semi-circle room with a glass dome, is a bit bigger than the average human and looks yellow and a bit chubby.

(gap)

I loop back to returning to Earth on the ship again. This time, by the time I'm back on Earth again, the year is 3500. Humanity is (apparently) incredibly advanced now. I am inside a structure, a latticed sphere building of some kind, which likely wouldn't work with conventional construction techniques, I feel. At the centre of this structure, there are platforms and some humans.

The humans are gene editing themselves, they look very different from how a human should. I remember some are much bigger and some look a bit stretched in some sense. There is some kind of weird mohawk fashion going on. I think I have some thoughts on this.

I feel annoyed again, about so much time having passed since I was last on Earth. I think about how they have all this technology and they didn't do anything about me needing to return to Earth with cryogenic sleep. I think I feel myself partly loathing them and partly feeling distant from them because I am essentially from the past.

29th July 2021

Didn't make any initial notes for this, just left the recall and ended up doing other things all day.

Scraps:

Some bit in a "mall", but it actually looks like a 1500-1800s palace of sorts, English or Germanic style. There is a large open courtyard area and something about a rebellion or conflict happens, I become the leader of a defence force for this "mall" and start giving orders to impromptu soldiers, who wear some sort of appropriate medieval soldier outfit, wearing flowing yellow tabards with a white trim. Some of the helms have plumes, blue?

At some point after that, I climb up some place high but it also looks like the area outside H's village. There's some kind of pipe organ structure but it's half-natural or built into a natural area. I activate something, a mechanism of some sort.

Then or before that, something about a car and being driven around, with H driving I think.

(rest of recall has all faded)

28th July 2021

Several bits around the same theme of survival.

Fragment:

I'm watching a video, or TV broadcast. It's about a survival show on a large island. They're saying "in our previous show only a few survivors could manage to scratch a living but now up to seven million tribals will be competing!", something like that. There's this image super-imposed over a panning view of a tropical island. The super-imposed image is an idle animation of some white tribals posing together, forming a sort of pyramidal composition as is often seen in group photos. I think to myself that the older existing tribes won't take kindly to such a number of newcomers.

I also think to myself that I'd rather be there myself, playing, rather than just watching TV.

(transition or recall gap, chronology got messed up in recording the dream)

I'm on a sandy and sunny beach, it's near noon judging by the sun. I later become aware that to my left there is a jungle or forest area and further left and close-by is a ruined town or city. I came out of some kind of drop pod and I see someone else who just has too. I'm not sure whether or not I should trust someone else at this point.

Then some raptors about our own size appear and they start harassing each of us. I hit them with something and try to grasp them by the neck and try to twist and break them. I possibly kill one or two and help the other person out, a woman. Then when we're in close proximity, one of the raptors is trying to steal something from me, and it succeeds. I try to catch the raptor and it behaves like a cheeky dog and I may be slightly annoyed. The woman recommends I let go and don't bother chasing the animal. I eventually let go and the raptor stops being cheeky and just ruins off into the ruined city.

(recall gap)

Still with the same woman? She needs to send an e-mail to someone and I know there aren't many places where she can do that, here. We go into a building that I was in before at some point in the dream. Inside, it's dark. Lots of dark brown colour, like rust. There are many mechanical mechanisms and there are a few desktop computers set up in a cramped corridor.

There are many things here that I know to have been set up by H in the dream. I sit at some chair or something in front of a computer. I'm trying to change the plugs around back so that she can use this old Windows 95 machine, because I still don't fully trust her and figure that this way she won't be able to release any viruses intentionally, or accidentally. For some reason I'm struggling with the plugs. The video connection coming out of the W95 machine is almost like a USB but the shape is slightly different and won't fit into the even weirder input shape on the other computer, or screen.

I eventually give up and just let her use the normal computer, feeling that I can trust her just enough anyway.

(recall gap)

Something about another building or another part of this same building. There's some small weird water gremlin bug thing... In actuality it looks a bit like a grey coloured shrimp but in the dream I think of it as crayfish. I am nervous around it because it moves erratically and I don't like its look and the look of its "whiskers".

---

Notes:

- The next day, I was using some Firewire stuff with H to set up a microphone for me to use. At the time, that made me think of the USB-like plugs in the dream, because Firewire is not too different in the physical look of the ends and its intended purpose is similar anyway.

- My nervousness around the grey creature was related both to shallow standing water in that area and also to the residual feelings of fright or jump-scare I still get from, for example, some arachnids.
-- I do not particularly like shrimp, neither in look or smell, though I can't say I recall their taste. I always thought they looked a bit too "bug"-like to eat, despite their popularity in my native region.

- I had to look up crayfish because I couldn't actually remember what they looked like; the dream creature really didn't resemble them.

27th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm climbing up some semi-ruined concrete structures. A kangaroo person of sorts is following after me.

Then, something about needing to go to a supermarket and something about school. I'm on a flat rooftop and I get a bag with stuff in it?

Fragment:

Something about playing a level 83 warlock. Unknown zone, hilly and deforested, partially ravine-like with cliffs on either side and there's a river running along the centre. I meet a bear form druid that tells me to look out for a tauren hunter in the area. The druid is level 110 or something. In the dream I know max level to actually be 80 but I understand that it can go up to 110 to gain some small extra bonuses or something.

At one point I see the tauren hunter in the distance. He's across a lake area where the river ends. On selecting the hunter, the profile status bar is green, not red, implying he's not hostile. I think his pet is finishing off a mob while he loots or skins something else.

Fragment:

Something about a flood of blood wine and a group of five or six klingons, we all need to drink so much of it in order to get away or be able to call a lift. There are disagreements on what to do and who should be doing what.

---

Notes:

- I used to be more into Star Wars than Star Trek but over the last few years I've spent some time re-watching Star Trek stuff that I had mostly forgotten about. In Star Trek, most races and characters fit certain symbolic archetypes and motifs very easily, so I think situations such as this with the klingons draw from that aspect, partly based on my conscious and non-conscious perceptions and thoughts about the lore.
-- Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've dreamt of klingons.
-- I'd like to write some thoughts on potential symbolic aspects but a bit too tired right now.

- Unfortunately I lost visual recall of the last fragment because I left writing these for a couple of days without thinking about them again in the meantime.

22nd July 2021

Unsure if this actually took place on this day or some other one further back. I had initially casually mistaken these dream memories as actual waking memories.

Scraps:

Something about power being partly off in the house? I remember I use my computer but I don't really go online for anything at any point, so I don't notice any issues, it's only when H comes in and points something out that I understand that there even was an issue of any kind. I think it's an early time in the morning, but not sure what. (Possibly related to waking at 6:30ish the other day.)

---

Notes:

- One of the factors of having mistaken these as waking memories was the realism/general accuracy of the fragment, it was only on discussing the memory with H that it really did seem odd and not completely logical.

20th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm with H I think and someone else, a woman, maybe a lead character from something. At first we're "silently" killing Combine soldiers with desert eagles as we descend through a compound via some long and wide stairs, not unlike those in HFC instances although the setting looked sort of Half-Life-ish I suppose. (I say "silently" because the guns are actually stupidly loud but if we kill the soldiers with one shot or two very quickly, nobody else is alerted even if they are standing next to them)

I'm constantly low on ammo as I can see on a Half-Life 1-like GUI. I feel the other two are picking up all the ammo and leaving none for me, probably not on purpose. Near the end of this segment, we screw up a silent kill because of the distance and gun inaccuracy, all of the enemies have now become alert and we have a kind of stand-off at a landing on the stairs, we have the higher position. We use smoke grenades to force them to come a bit closer to reduce ammo waste, especially since I'm so low on ammo. I recall I have an UZI that I swap to but see that it only has two bullets left and become annoyed, since my DE is about to run out too.

Then for some reason, lots of food stuff is out next to us in the middle of all of this, tinned food mostly.

Fragment:

Near the end of this fragment. Something about a facility with a reactor in it, which has been running on edge. Earlier in this dream I was at this location but many years in the past, and this present is a time of post-destruction. Someone wants me to have a look at the reactor.

(The area of this fragment reminds me of a deathmatch map from HL1 that I must have spent a considerable amount of time playing in with my siblings.)

17th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm in an office building of some kind, maybe a hospital. It's well lit but there are no windows and it's mostly corridors. I'm with someone I think and we get to this bit that's like a waiting area, with chairs. There are some people sat on the chairs. The walls are a neutral colour, maybe cream? There are two doors on the same wall, some distance apart and with some of the chairs in-between.

I think we wait around for a bit but then the person I'm with is supposed to go in, so they do. I think there's a doctor but I get a feel of radio presenter too somehow.

(recall gap)

I have to leave and reach some elevators. I call a lift to go up. In the dream I don't find this odd but in the dream there was the feeling that I was somewhere high up already. The doors for the lift on the left open. The lift is there but sort of stuck at a lower level. I assume there's some kind of sensor malfunction and feel myself sort of sighing, slightly annoyed. I call it again with the button on the wall and it moves to the correct position.

The lift is one of those more commercial ones, like ones I've seen in malls. I think I enter the lift and there's a transition. Then, I'm outside somewhere supposedly nearby the building I was in. I'm in contact with the person I was with before, not sure how. I then need to enter some sort of or small octagonal building or tent but it's guarded. Something about a remote controlled hand that would help me.

(rest of recall had faded)

---

19th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm on the bed with H. We're opposite each other and our positions are width ways relative to the bed. The bedroom light is on but I don't think it's night time. We're playing sexually and I feel myself go prematurely for some reason, possibly overstimulation. It seems I made a mess on the bed, at spots that don't make sense for the angles involved, but I don't realise this during the dream.

Then I suddenly become aware of a black cat being to my right, around the middle of the bed. The cat looks relaxed and resting having only momentarily appeared surprised. It looks like the small female cat that we sometimes see in our street. (which I had seen the previous evening)

15th July 2021

Fragment:

(recall going from later to earliest bit)

I'm walking with a group of people, one of them is JC from school. He's older, but otherwise looks how he used to, mostly. We're escorting a mech, a train of sorts which is depositing rails in front of itself as it goes? I've just been paid for half of my service on our current mission. I was given two glittering golden rocks (the "gold" doesn't quite look like actual gold but in the dream I don't become aware of this). One of them is not covered in this glittering gold.

The one that is completely covered in glittery gold, I hold in my right hand and crush as we walk. I see on the top right of my vision an interface element that displays that I was credited with 40 million credits. JC tells me the company actually recommends against doing this, especially without having finished the mission yet. I tell him "I don't care, my inventory is too full" and I think about how the group doesn't seem keen on waiting for me to sort this out, as evidenced by the fact that we're on the move.

(just before this)

I'm with JC wrapped in a sort of throw, it's grey and white. (I think like one I have at home in waking life) There's a very serious Covid context, though I'm not worried about it. R, also from school around the same time as JC, is not too far from us, she's some sort of inventory or cataloguing person? She's wearing a labcoat, which when I first see her makes me do a RC by counting the fingers on my right hand, though my RC fails to pass, for one thing because the count was correct and for another because I didn't question it further because of the social situation.

Me and JC are a distance away just sitting here basically. R tells us that we have to wait for this shipment of cloth or something. I think I check the order details myself, either on an interface element or some nearby physical interface. Unfortunately, we still reach the conclusion that this is the best option. I was considering trying to change the order to something else that would still be suitable but delivered quicker. Any other option is noted to have an even longer lead time on production.

R chit chats, saying she's surprised that "you two idiots are still around", as if she expected to never see us again in life. I tell her in jest "dad always says there are always idiots around; I guess that happens to be here" or something to this effect. She's amused in some way but still thinks the same of us, I don't find myself thinking about it much further one way or another. Me and JC sort of become melded with each other as we're sat here, waiting in the bundled throw. R is very strict about viral control, but I don't recall in what way. She partly looks like an Asian woman in her thirties more so than herself really (probably a dream attempt at making her appear a more chronologically correct age).

Then there's a drone of some kind. It's scanning the local area and I ask R about it, "is it a geological survey drone?" but she doesn't reply, not ignoring me, but as if I never said anything. I get up and follow the drone around for a bit, the view swaps from first to third person and back again a few times. I follow it to a site not too far, a beach of some kind and it goes into a receptacle that changes shape mechanically, as it receives the drone. Then, from the sea a train sort of surfaces from the water, it all looks very Japanese "Mecha" style. (This is where the first bit of recall started)

(there was more recall from earlier parts but they faded and other details were lost, it was a long dream)

---

Notes:

- This is the most recent time I've actually done a reality check whilst dreaming, which goes beyond just thinking about it, but because of the social context at hand I became distracted far too easily from really questioning reality. Even so, with the previous DJ entry, that's two times recently compared to not very often, if at all, in the last months.
-- I am realising now that this may be an issue with my artificial dream sign, by its nature it's more likely to include a distracting social context. I should think further on this. In addition to that, I think it's ironic on some level I decided to do a hand RC when it isn't necessarily my preferred way of checking anymore. If I could go back into this dream and change my approach, I would instead have stopped and thought about what I was doing and where I was; after all, how could I be meeting people I knew years ago but haven't seen since, for no reason at all? Not just one of them, but two of them at the same time, along with other suspicious dream qualities.

- The dream had a bit of a feel of MHW and Dark Souls there at the end.

- There was something "desaturated" about all of the dream's location. Like there was a faintly yellow mist and there was no sky to speak of exactly, just this mist. No memory of shadows really, defined or undefined.

13th July 2021

Fragment:

In space, Freelancer setting. I'm in a beautiful looking system, but fairly simple and generic. One white star? An ice asteroid field in the distance which I think I'm approaching. I'm with someone else, who's in a different ship, maybe T? Or an NPC like Juni. We're sneaking or getting away from something and we're taking unmapped/unknown travel routes, the type pirates and bounty hunters and freelancers use. This dream might have been from when my alarm went off, I don't remember resetting it.

Fragment:

Some interactions with other people. There's a context of survival and maybe one of servitude too (slavery? maybe not though). Most of this dream takes place in an indoors setting and it's daytime outside. There's an overcast characteristic to lighting. I recall some bit where I'm helping someone, they pass me a long-ish cardboard box which doesn't look so strong. As I take hold of it, it's bottom half sort of drops off from the upper lid section. A glass or metal thing drops out, it sounds like glass smashing.

It's an electron valve or something? But I don't remember looking. The person that was passing me the box, a lady, gets upset with me, but we quickly get over it and we do something else.

(recall gap?)

Now I'm on Minecraft. I've just spawned in a new world. It's an unusual ravine locale. I am near and sort of under a 5x5 pillar and then I look around and up. The pillar goes up, a hundred or so blocks, as do other similar ones in the ravine area. Over this pillar is a railroad track laid on top of oak planks going from one side of the chasm to the other.

The natural stone pillar has decorative stone bricks at the corners in a semi-random fashion and the other pillars are similar. The chasm or ravine is longer than it is wide but seems to mostly be rectangular. I don't recall noticing any ore at all. For some reason, I just fly up and look around. On the rail track, minecarts are going around. They have loot chests on them and I quickly inspect contents as they go past. They seem reasonably OK.

I think there's another track that runs carts in the opposite direction, just nearby. To either end of the chasm, in terms of longitude, there are these sort of old West mineshaft entrances, which half look like a barn or house. They are built into the natural rock walls. My dream knowledge of the area makes it feel like a classic DOOM map, like actually behind the stone walls there's nothing, as if they are just set dressing.

I go into one of these mine entrances and it has more loot chests which I inspect. I hear zombies nearby, but ignore them. Then I feel like I hear our doorbell but I start going into a dark stairwell made with oak plank stair blocks. On some level I start to question the reality of this and wake up and ask H if the doorbell had really rang, but no.

---

Notes:

- The Freelancer dream was nice even if a lot of recall went. I always enjoy those dreams because of the way space always looks more realistic than the game did but it still looks more fantastic than space would actually look like anyway. The system was a bit like some Sigma or Tau systems but "felt" closer to core systems.
-- The dream plot was a generic story/campaign plot, as far as I can recall. I don't recall what my ship was like.

- I think I haven't had lucid thoughts very much until that dream where the doorbell noise manifested. Notably, the dream entry that follows for the 15th also had a lucidity cue.

- I would like to think about the symbolism of situation surrounding the smashing object in the second fragment but a bit too tired to think about it, hopefully come back to it at some point.

11th July 2021

~7:30
Fragment:

Transitioning from the TBC era to WLK era. T is there as his paladin at one point. There's something very Roman-esque about the setting? We need to complete some gold-payment quest to continue on into the city. There's a group of randoms with us, part of our party.

Fragment:

In a place like L, by the pier area I think. There's a lot of commotion because of an upcoming football match. It's dark-ish, twilight-like, orange and purple hues in the sky? I want to take the subway to go somewhere, but first I got into this church. Many people are leaving an on-going service in the church but many still remain.

Aunt G enters the church, I notice her and approach, getting her attention. She eventually recognises me and I tell her we should go somewhere together (to make up for lost time?) because I realise this place is actually quite crowded. I don't entirely feel safe, I think. Someone, an older lady but not as old as my aunt, she's putting up cordons and tells us we can't go in a certain area of the church. She had white hair, maybe tied back.

The church is artificially lit, quite a warm light which contrasts with the twilight. Originally I wanted to move towards one of the areas that was cordoned off. We end up leaving the church and heading down a nearby subway entrance.

(recall gap)

We are next to a guy who's a pipe maker. I tell my aunt how many churches just can't afford new pipes, even though they'd benefit from them. The pipe maker gives us a statistic; only about five-hundred thousand out of one and a half million can afford such things. I realise and remark that it's only a third. I also remark that the distribution is going to be geographically unfair or disproportionate, too.

(after writing these two, I got up and had thoughts about WBTB as I got back in bed)


~10:00
Fragment:

Visiting a church with H. In the dream, I had a dream where I'd visited this church and it was sort of empty. So, when we're there together, I already know the layout. During the dream, this made me vaguely think of "vision quest" dreaming and that sort of thing (no doubt related to reading Dreamgates before bed). The church has an odd layout, the rooms are laid in an inwards spiralling fashion. One of the back rooms we go through is tiled and looks a bit industrial.

It has four big cylindrical tanks, all white. They're about twice and a half our height. I understand them to be part of some boiler system. A man, possibly the warden, is showing us around the church, some kind of introduction.

Before this, me and H are outside. We just got out of the van. It's dark? I don't remember the grounds too well but there are tall trees and low dry-stone walls. H shows me something about a painting, which resides out here, on the external church walls. The painting is very big, mostly vertical. It's about one yard wide by four yards tall.

The painting itself is kind of sepia in tones. It has a sketch-like look. At first I just see some eyes at the top, like part of an incomplete portrait, but as I move it around (because I'm moving it to hang it on another wall), the image changes. On some level, this makes me think of those "holo" images.

Fragment:

At a mall place with H. We live in a flat inside the mall, accessible via an escalator through a store, it's either a clothing or jewellery store. Some people I know from school are here, there's some interaction. Rest of recall is gone.

---

Notes:
- We went today somewhere that took us the same road that we can take when we went to see a pipe maker. This was recently, so I wonder if that dream theme was influenced by this.

- The TBC->WLK dream theme probably came from a nostalgia of the actual WLK period and from having some interest in its classic revival. On the other hand, I have little or no interest in paying to play the game, especially since there's very little social motivation for me to do so. The last time I went on, the atmosphere was more "toxic" than I recalled, something I found hugely disappointed, making me feel like some people just never grow up. Perhaps when I played many years ago, I was just that much younger that I didn't think much of it/just ignored it or maybe it wasn't that far removed from daily life, but now it would just bother me.
-- I still find WoW dream themes to be fairly enjoyable, since they do tend to focus on the sense of adventure, combat or exploration, which were feelings that were much more present in me when I was younger. I haven't felt a genuine sense of wonder about anything at all for many years.

- In the area where I used to live, the mall has flats over it. Although the mall in the dream had a more "airport-shops" feel to it, the rest of the associations seemed fairly close to memory of home.

5th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm looking at my profile on one of the art sites? I notice I have an unread PM and click to check it. It's from a site moderator I think and I check to see if it really is one, by looking for a certain symbol or something? The message reads at first something like "Dear user, as it is so rare to come across individuals like yourself", going on for a short bit and then asking further down if I'd like to become a moderator, myself.

There's still some kind of special application process and scrolling through the, actually somewhat long, message, I see some red hyperlink buttons with white text. They have something to do with answering some questions for the application. At the start of these is also a green one and I perceive green as bad? The green one is for saying that you're not interested in this or something.

I think about this and consider the responsibilities, the kind of things I might have to deal with, potentially unpleasant. And also the fact that it's not a paid role or position, it's voluntary even with the application and so on. Despite all this I still consider applying. Rest of recall faded.

Fragment:

In a game world of some kind, with H. It feels like DOOM, Quake or UT. The zone feels a bit void of anything at all, very empty. There's an orange-purple atmospheric effect? The only things that seem to exist around here are some kind of simple and white geometric structures that we walk across. I do some jumping tricks and get up on top of what is supposed to be like a small building. There's a "BFG 9000" here on the flat rooftop, it's a secret pick-up. This BFG has a unique design and is really quite big, as I pick it up I visually note that H gets it too.

The weapon's design is chunky at the start, then it becomes tri-pronged kind of and extends almost two yards in front. These bits sticking out are like electro-magnetic rails and they are a silvery metal but with a light blue electric glow. The rest of the design is primarily green, the green tone I associate with DOOM.

Anyway, then a boss or elite enemy appears or something. I consider whether or not we should use our new BFGs on it and end up deciding not and that we should just use regular rocket launchers to fight it. I think about the fact that the BFG has very limited ammo and sooner or later we'll end up firing at the same time anyway in combat situations, effectively wasting shots.

---

Notes:
- On waking and trying to draw the weapon in its most basic form I realised I couldn't imagine what the grip for it could be like. I then realised I've never really paid attention to this detail on BFG designs.

- The first dream may relate to how I have sometimes done things freely for others because I felt that it was important enough to do as a voluntary thing. The issue has often been for me that I have not been either rewarded nor recognised for it and not even getting some recognition for helping makes it feel like I've been used for my eagerness, ultimately making me feel naive and cynical about such things.

3rd July 2021

Fragment:

(long dreams, recall was good at first, but didn't make enough of an effort to start noting them down)

Some kind of RPG shooter, maybe a mix of Borderlands and something else, in which I'm helping two other people with a boss. I change to the highest difficulty and also to my best character, on the fly. I become aware that the gear drops will now possibly come with requirements the other players I'm helping won't be able to meet, but I consider that it really shouldn't matter in the long run and should actually be beneficial. It's a small and kind of dark room, can't remember much else about the location.

(recall faded too much) I'm in a dropship of some kind and I'm next to a tank-like vehicle. We're dropping into a small combat zone, feels like some kind of last-effort push kind of thing? The tank feels like the DRG 'dozer in terms of shape, but bigger, wider. More like a SC Fatboy, but smaller in overall scale.

Some bit later in a sea rig, also with the dropship or the tank, some family there too?

---

4th July 2021

Fragment:

Some bit about WoW. At first I'm playing a warrior and I have a huge two-handed weapon, looks very much like Sul'Thraze, but although my character isn't one, the attack animations are that of a troll character.

It's an unfamiliar and novel area, completely original to the dream as far as I can recall. There's some bit later on, taking place on a small natural incline, grassy and a bit rocky. The colours are all very muted and towards purple hues all the way throughout, there are a few stone ruins. At this last point I'm playing an underleveled warlock and trying to help in a high level group fight.

---

Notes:
- Before bed on the first night, I read the Dreamgates parts in the centre of the book about creativity and read the exercise there again too also while in bed.
-- I have really enjoyed this part so far and it has been motivating to read and re-read it, especially since I feel I've been accomplishing so little lately.

- The WoW dream was mostly residue of actual feelings while playing the game, but the troll thing felt a bit different, perhaps because WoW trolls have this tribal aspect associated to them and because of Dreamgates making me think about Shaman-related things

- Not sure if I've ever had a dream take place in a sea rig before, but possibly.

2nd July 2021

Fragment:

In Outland. Some alternate version of Helfire I've dreamed of before, years ago I think. It's a mix of Netherstorm in terms of landscape features but looks like Helfire. Something about me trying to get to level seventy but I find out that eighty is actually the maximum level, through seeing other players I think.

There's a back-and-forth mix of D3 and WoW. I'm both trying to create a level twenty or so questline involving dragons, for the zone I'm in, I think; but also trying to work on an art project about an erotica comic in a M/M theme.

(recall started fading at this point) At one point, I'm working on this comic project and alt-tabbing between games and drawings for reference and then H comes in to this odd office room I'm in and starts talking to me. The room is very wooden? A dark-ish stain, probably? H is kind of having a go at me for "not doing much". I feel annoyed and partly insulted, since I try as much as I can. Constant interruptions occur (not just or only from H but something else) while I'm trying to work on this questline thing.

The dream eventually deviates into some other bit in a town.

(recall gap)

I'm in a subway starting at my home town and I'm sort of composing a train run schedule that will go from a yellow line to the blue line? Stations seem dark and unfamiliar, not to mention cramped, they seem more like my vague memory of the London underground and some other generic subways I've seen.

I'm alone in this train with the conductor, I'm just in the passenger area at first looking at the maps. Then I knock on the door to the cabin or something and I tell him about what I'll be doing. I can see through the front glass that we are arriving at a station full of people, mostly university students or something, people in school uniforms. I tell the conductor that we can't stop here for now because "that's too many gamers" and that I'll add this station later on into the schedule.

And I think about how they'd probably end up giving this new route I'm making a very bad reputation and causes issues later on. So I think to myself that they'll just have to catch a different train for now.

---

Notes:
- Feels like it's been a while since a proper subway dream, though I suppose I have had a few not that long ago, that come to mind.
-- As always this should be enough of a cue to question reality, but it never seems to be enough, nothing seems to be enough.

- Again, dragons. Dragons are rarely the central topic in my dreams. This time they weren't the focus of eroticism but seems there was still a loose link since I was working on both their questline and the erotic comic.
-- This thematic could relate both to my difficulty in sticking to a single project and to the fact that I always want to do really involved things. Doing either a comic or a full questline are projects that require a lot of time and attention. Relating to the difficulty in sticking to a project, I often lose track of myself and my attention to things when things start feeling long.

- Unusually, the train was symbolically under my control though indirect influence of its compliant conductor, maybe a metaphor about navigation, guidance or inability to lead action directly.
-- Relating to this, I have found that I am much calmer and more able to work effectively if I'm not directly in charge of something. If I am in advisory or assisting role, I tend to be able to remain emotionally detached for better results. Thinking further about this, ironically this is not the case when it comes to doing artwork for others, since that's still primarily based on my own ability to lead artistically (since I'm not being asked to emulate another artists' style).

- When in the dream H has a go at me, I think this is actually a metaphor for me having a go at myself. I do sometimes think I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I often think about how it feels like I'm not leading myself anywhere but also about how it feels so hard without anyone guiding me.
-- The irony to me feels like even under guidance I still feel like I'm not getting guidance, which makes me feel like it's a problem relating to myself only and not to others and their interactions with me.

30th June 2021

Woken up by postman. Some in-line notes.

Fragment:

(going from end to start, kind of) I am with mom, she's taking me on a ride, on some kind of bicycle but it's really long, like ten yards long or something. She's asking me what I think of an alien race on a film that (in the dream) I had apparently watched. I am not too interested in the topic and feel that she is being oddly too insistent about it. (wake up at about this point)

The whole time, I don't have a good hold of the bike thing and am concerned I might fall off but I persist in trying to stay on. (realistically I could have walked just as fast or faster) The rear end I'm at comes off from the seat area in the front, it looks a bit like one of those streamline cars' side skirts, sort of half-sectioned or something, difficult to explain. I'm holding on to it in a hunched and semi-crouched position. I have my regular clothes on as far as I can tell, wearing my normal boots. My boots make it feel very difficult to keep my feet inside the gap in the panelling.

I have passing thoughts about how mom is being able to pedal this thing with me on it too and where I'm at a leverage point that should make climbing this bit quite difficult. We're climbing up on the small hill that leads to the newer roundabout, which used to be the P exit. We're on the cobbled pavement.

A bit earlier, me, T and mom are walking in A, at the roundabout before the other we eventually ride up to. It's morning, sort of sunny but not. The surroundings seem different to how they should be in waking life but I'm not certain in what way. We get to a car and T unlocks it. He gets in and starts the car, it's some old car, maybe like a Mini or an older VW or something. We say something and then me and mom walk across to a pavement on the right, where those small houses should be.

Soon I become aware of the car's engine being turned back off again, though I don't look. I think something to myself about it, but can't recall what. At this point I'm talking to mom about teachers and smoking. (probably intrusions from recent thoughts on both as concepts) She says you can't really get away from it (smoking) completely in that environment. We talk about teachers' pay and how it varies a lot and isn't quite adequate. Then when we are across and have walked along for a bit, that's where the weird bike thing is and when we get on it.

Scraps:

Some earlier dream sequence but recall slipped too much. Something like a game with T. We have guns and are expecting a massive encounter against NPCs or something inside a large building, but then nothing happens. There are flood lights and there's a cold ambience, despite the lights seeming warm in terms of glare. Some teens appeared and I think we hid or something, waiting to hear what they might say.

---

Notes:

- In bed, and before bed, I thought about lucid dreaming for a while and thought about wanting to do something with art or drawing while lucid.
-- Also had thoughts based on the Dreamgates book reading, about how I have never felt completely comfortable with any name (even ones I've made for myself) and so I wondered what kind of names dream characters might give me.

- Last night I started feeling really dizzy and just "slow" after midnight, not sure why. Wasn't able to do anything other than lie down and read a small bit.

- Mom's appearance in this dream is no doubt related to her recent episode. On some level, any family appearance really ought to be enough for me to question reality, but it never is. She was half normal, half not, as hinted by the feeling I got off odd insistence, a behaviour I've only seen a bit of but am familiar with.