DarkestDarkness

21st May

Bits from one or two dreams? Didn't make notes in the morning, was too tired.

Dream Fragment:

I was in a desert or barren canyon type of place. I was driving some kind of motorbike, called the "MotorBeast" or something to that effect. I remember accelerating with my right hand and making note of the extremely loud roar from the exhaust. I did some acrobatics or was in some high speed sequence?

Next thing I remember, different place, but related in some way. There was a dream character, he was simultaneously my teacher and an avatar of Anubis. But we had to fight and so he was like a boss of some sort. I remember chasing him through this dark and ancient Egyptian temple/crypt place. There was a dark red tint to everything and even though daylight broke through the ceiling in certain parts, it was still dark, like the exposure made dark places appear brighter but bright places appear much darker.

I remember the character taunted me from behind a half wall and pillars. I couldn't reach him but shot him with a Torgue grenade launcher set to sticky mode. I remember the feeling of holding the weapon with only my right hand and the feeling of pointing it. It felt intuitive, but in retrospect it seemed far too light for what it was. After emptying my clip, the explosives went off in sequence, causing him heavy damage. He was nearly dead (I knew through some interface display?) but he was able to run very fast through a narrow hall crowded with unknown dream characters, which were his minions. I believe they looked like mummies.

Eventually I caught up to him, finding him in a small room around a corner, where he was using some kind of self-bandaging ability (like in WoW). I tried shooting him to interrupt it, but I think something happened right after I did that, and the dream ended.

---

Notes:
- The bit where the Anubis character ran away at high speed when on low health now reminds me that some boss in Killing Floor did something similar.
- The Torgue weapon was notable because I'd recently been playing BL3 and I always loved the Torgue shotguns in BL2; it should have been a somewhat obvious dream-sign here since it was somewhat out of place in the rest of the dream's context.
- Though I didn't think of this at the time of this dream, I now feel as though there is a bit of a link between the motorbike and the Torgue gun since those guns are typically modelled after big engines and the like. The dream felt more randomly put together at the time but I feel like I could unpick it better now in terms of contextual/schematic associations.

18th May

Fragment:
Last dream, in a place like Azeroth, Westfall.

Something about Warcraft II and the Deadmines. Several passing thoughts about classic dungeons. Then a mix of STV and the dam at Dun Modr. But it had a lower tier which was ramped. There was a ship like the Juggernaut inside DM but it was more Alliance-like than Orcish. The front of it looked like an old 1800s steam boat or something. I remember having a view point from above the chimney and looking in and thinking that the model wasn't finished because it just looked like a tube with few shadows and straight cuts through into each deck of the ship.

I then became aware of my body. I was sort of crouching but sitting on my bottom and became aware or made note of my genitals. I think H was present as a voice and we were talking. I said something about how "at normal size I'd barely be able to push my tip into the top of the chimney", which made me realise my scale in the dream a little bit. Even so, being giant didn't make question reality either as it should have. The dream ended soon after.

---

Notes:
- Although I often have passing thoughts that relate to this type of dream situation (being giant-sized and "playing" with things), it's rare for me to actually have dreams within these contexts and dreams involving some kind of sexual stimulation or play are not too common for me.
- I used to mess around in private server versions of WoW that I'd run privately/on my own many years ago and would often change my character's scale to the maximum possible (usually 10 times or something). This dream may relate to that in some sense, and admittedly I'd sort of forgotten about that until re-typing this dream on this DJ.
- I remember when I woke up I thought it was odd I could hear H as a voice but not be aware of H's presence physically within the dream. I remember it made me feel as though there was quite a deep level of immersion in physical terms.

11th May

Dream:Earliest dream. I was in some place in the countryside, the dream was very vivid. I had my boots on, some pants, some t-shirt and my leather jacket. H was walking with me, I remember feeling the gravel beneath my feet.

In the dream I was recognising the place. I'd been here before in some other dream. This prompted me to tell H about it and he sort of dismissed it and even though I tried doing some reality checks with my hands, I didn't become aware of the dream state.

In my dream mind, this place wasn't exactly like how I remembered it from the other dream anyway. There was a gravel road and some buildings and some gravel plots along it, but the original place I was remembering had a normal road and it carried on, it didn't end abruptly like this gravel road. It reminded me of the southern areas of my country. There were pine trees and short grass that looked a bit dry. The dirt was fine and dusty and caramel coloured. The sky was a little bit cloudy but mostly clear and it seemed like the sun was setting. I remember looking all around me to try and identify anything from the original dream, but I felt there was nothing. The surroundings looked vast and vague at the same time.

After walking along the road with H for a while, we eventually came to a very large gravel lot, like a parking lot, clearly meant for that use. I remember H telling me to wait here. He had to get some book, or something, from town? I said I'd wait. I didn't know what I'd do in the meantime and I had the feeling that it would be a long time. Then my awareness transitioned to some other place.

A dream city. H wasn't here and though I have forgotten the dream plot exactly, there was something about a family that had to get to where I just was (the gravel/pine tree area). I was here to speed things along somehow? Something about a gang going after this family.

Then details are missing; I remember getting into a car, a silver convertible and also trying to fix down a panel on the boot or something. Then the mom of this family, who was driving, started the car before I'd even sat down and put a seatbelt on. She raced through the streets and I had little balance, tipping backwards and holding the open and swaying door with my right hand. I was partially sat on her son's legs, eventually he managed to help me in, but it took a while.

Some other part of the same dream. The chronology of the sequences is muddled. I went into a tall building and I remember carrying my black backpack and climbing lots of stairs. I didn't feel tired at all and my legs didn't hurt. Along the way, some young adult (early 20s) tugged on my backpack to have an easier time climbing. I resent that he'd done that but I said nothing and only gave him a look that made it clear to him not to do it again.

The staircase was very much like the one from my university. Very narrow, but no lift at each landing. Eventually I got to a pretty high floor, and it looked like my virtual gallery in some sense. There was a high open space that my fear of heights creep in a little, because there were no railings at all. I remember wondering what H would think of that.

Just behind the stairwell I'd come from, was a platform/floor and I climbed over its ledge without too much effort. It led down a dark unlit and narrow corridor. At the end of it was another stairwell, to my left. It went both up and down. There was a door directly in front of me. A white service door to my right after a short and narrow yard-long hall. Light came through the edges of this white service door and the stairs going up also allowed some natural light in from above, but not much, as it was still very dark in here.

On the stairs, a bunch of young adults (early 20s again) were sat on the steps. They looked at me, but more like through me. I looked back for a moment, but then ignored them. I tried opening the door in front of me but it was well shut and locked. I went back through the narrow corridor I'd come from and then skipped over the gap with the stairs and took a left turn. My mind blocked out the open space with no railings.

There were corridors and rooms this way. Many contrasts of dark and narrow halls with natural light from some windows. The floor was carpeted, not sure what colour, but I remember a cleaning lady. It just looked like a hotel in many regards but the rooms belonged to specific people who worked here or something, like an office area in a university. I can't recall the rest of the dream.

---

Notes:
- In many ways, the last part of the dream was just some mish-mash of my first university's building and my general concepts of offices and temporary living spaces. The presence of the people in their early 20s ties in with the "university" feel.
- It can feel a bit annoying to ask H about the reality and have him only make me dismiss what I'm thinking about, though since then I have tried to imagine the situation occurring differently.
- My leather jacket seems to have been a recurring feature for some recent dreams but I haven't found any particular reason why just yet, since I have not worn it in a long time. The only thing that comes to mind is that feels like a bit of a shame that I just let it sit unused for quite a long time, but on the other hand it is usually too hot for me to wear it.
- Dreams where physical activity occurs are always refreshing for me in some mental sense. Being able to do intense physical activity such as climbing many flights of stairs can feel rewarding and the amount of inordinate pain I would get from doing it in real-life makes it feel like a waste of my energy and time. In dreams my low thresholds of pain don't really materialise and it is often the only time I get a break from feeling pain and discomfort throughout a day.

More catching up...

---

12th May

Dream:

Dream recall faded somewhat. In the first dream I remember being at a house with H and someone else, a girl our age, but not sure who she was. We were all very hungry, and it was about noon. Someone suggested ordering pizza, but I didn't want to for some reason, so instead I got on the phone and ordered a man made of food or something, like synthetic food. He was supposed to get there by two in the afternoon. I figured when he arrived, I'd "butcher" him for the synthetic meat he was made of, wondering which bits H would be picky about, but as time went by, it seemed like he wasn't going to turn up at all, which made me regret not ordering the pizza in the first place.

Then I remember going through some sort of tunnels or halls, in an old style (20-60s) building. No natural lighting, just incandescent lights. Gave me the impression of night time. I was still hungry, but I came to a room where there was something written over its double doors (I forget what) that suggested I could eat there. I went in and there was a bar-like counter and I talked to a woman in her 40s and asked her about eating or something. I told her I realised it was late but I really needed something and she was kind and tried to figure something out. At some point my parents showed up and start commenting on the food-making. I forget what else happened.

Dream fragment:

A different dream or perhaps after a different segment I've forgotten. Only small bits, many of which just ordinary. But in the end of this dream I was walking around a downtown area with my dad, H and someone else I think. There was a man announcing that free testing for a certain genetic or auto-immune disease or something would be available. I muttered to myself about it not being available to me freely in the past and then the man approached me, unconcerned by my complaints but addressing them; he began to inspect my nose with his hands and as he did he said "normally we wouldn't check people who have infections on their nose because this excludes them" or something to this effect. His attitude and face while going over my nose and talking to me suggested (some medical) curiosity. Just as he was about to move on to inspect some other part of my face or body, the doorbell in reality rang and I woke up, having to answer the door.

---

Notes:
- Of these two dreams, as I am re-reading them, I actually remember the second fragment better than I do the first dream. There was an underground parking lot or something around the middle or beginning of that dream, which was where me, my dad, H and the other person had come from, out onto the downtown street area.
- I remember in the first dream I had visualised or seen a picture of what the synthetic man was to look like. For some reason I have the memory of wooden flooring in the first house of that dream.
- The part in the second dream where I was muttering to myself is probably a crossed over feeling of frustration at the lack of help I receive for my condition from official systems. The follow-up interaction with the man is probably representative of some of my hope that with chance and timing I might actually get someone to genuinely be interested in giving me the help I need, rather than the help that gets pushed onto me.

9th May

Dream:

I was in Texas or Arizona or such. A hot and arid place in America at any rate. I remember only a few details from the end. I could see through a panoramic view of an online maps thing; I was looking up Niagara falls. To my surprise there was a city there. It was grand, modern and overall beautiful. The water courses ran under and through the city. It was a sunny day in the view.

Then the next thing I remember, I was packing up or something, to walk there from where I was. There were others doing the same. One of them was a Turkish or Arabic man, not much older than me. We knew each other vaguely. As we said goodbye as we both got ready to leave, he said to me "may God be with you in your travels". I simply replied "goodbye", and quickly regretted it. I realised I could have said goodbye in my own language and not in English, as it would have had a more similar meaning to his own, longer, expression.

I walked through a flat and rocky, dusty area. There were rock cliff faces to either side, or perhaps ancient ruined buildings. I came to a Y shaped road junction in the middle of the desert; this bit had a few hills but was mostly flat otherwise. Cars went by. I remember noticing a car drive past and I noticed the driver somewhat clearly, a woman, medium length hair, tied at the back. The car was a faded cerulean blue and quite old and blocky-looking. I was getting ready to cross and I looked towards the horizon beyond the road. Big red canyons, piled up in an abnormal way. Dream ended shortly after.

Dream:

Again remember little of the dream's start. I remember being at the foot of a mountain, then teleporting or entering some dark place. Then there was fighting as I was going through this cramped and strange factory place. It did some laundry of mine as I went through it. Some pants and hoodies, they became a warmer colour as they were made ready for me. Some boys, two twins I think, got my attention and they lead me out from the place. I think I was getting stuck on some mechanism when they started talking to me. The place had many traps anyway, when I first got in, there were flying needle darts and other things.

The reality and history of this place were just somehow known to me to be different from normal. I didn't realise I was dreaming even so, but it was like a mix of Trigun and Path of Exile. I remember then being in a shack of some kind, made up of corrugated panels. There was an old man? Some gadgets scattered about. I remember we talked for a little while about this world of theirs. I made some surprised remark about how they had all this technology but seemed to live otherwise primitive lives. I don't remember his reply but he was amused I think.

Then I remember being in a basement of some other shack place. It was night time, but I think I had walked there. It was in the middle of a town of sorts. This woman owned it and we talked. As I stood next to her at surface level, there was some kind of dust storm outside and I could see people in sorts of brown power armour. There wasn't much light and so through the dust I mostly just got glimpses of things, even though I think I'd seen the surrounding area earlier in the dream.

The woman told me a story about how she got this bit of land, and then I could "see" a memory; not far at all from us, less than thirty yards away, the vision began with a medieval gate to a different area of this town, with a cliff to the right. It was day time, and this little girl, no older than eight, walked toward the gate with her dog. They looked cartoony. A massive castle tower fell from the high cliff, crashing on the gate. The impact made a small shockwave and the girl and dog were blown back a small distance, the dog landed in some deep water and yelped and drowned, the girl crying and trying to save him. This vision made me sad and the feeling carried through when I woke up later.

The woman told me that the girl was her friend when she was younger, and that she didn't know where she was anymore. She seemed sad for not knowing, but she also seemed to convey the feeling that maybe the other girl didn't want to be friends with her anymore. The woman's face seemed to imply regret and guilt (from inaction?). I remember we walked outside for a bit in the area in front of the gate, it was sunny and clear.

---

Notes:
- Although the second dream did so very allegorically rather than in a literal sense, it reflected a lot of my thoughts at the time of these dreams. Firstly how we all live in a world of technology, but we are otherwise primitive without it because it is not a part of us. Also in the same way, technology did not necessarily makes these peoples' lives any better and this reflected my trend of thoughts about how many of us simply take what we have for granted.
- It was odd that I was aware of the dream-world to be a different one from the waking one, but I did not come close to any thresholds of pre-consciousness, as far as I can recall.
- It is not often that a feeling within a dream carries on into waking except when it was the last thing felt, which wasn't the case here.
- My regret about not saying goodbye to the Arabic man in the same manner comes from the value I put on words sometimes and also reflects how I struggle with not being able to say what I actually wanted to have said to someone.

8th May

Dream:

I was in the car with H. H was driving very fast and race-like, even though we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. Pretty close one between a double length bus and a car. I remember the tyres screeching a lot all the way and I asked H why. He said it was because they brand new Michelin tyres.

It was like my native country and town. Eventually we arrived at a place, ground floor of a building, in front of it was like a petrol station. The place we walked into was like a school, for kids between the ages of eight and ten. H and I had been here earlier in the dream to drop off a keyboard temporarily. Now, we were here to pick it up again. I think the kids were actually teens in the earlier part of the dream. One of the kids now, was asking why we had to take the keyboard away again and H explained it had only been meant as a temporary thing anyway. H asked if anyone had played the keyboard. Some kids said they hadn't, somehow clearly afraid of being reprimanded, even though it was unlikely, but they also said they had practised at home like H had taught and demonstrated.

I didn't speak much at all, H talked to the kids a lot. Somehow reminded me of my geometry teacher, trying to actively get the kids to think and take interest in things. Eventually, a lady walked in, the teacher who runs the place. She was happy to see the kids entertained and it was as if we'd known her and vice versa for years. I remember noticing I had my black leather jacket and my regular boots on. I think in the dream we both became distracted from our objective of getting the keyboard. There was also a set of keys we'd left in the earlier visit, but we weren't being able to find them. The layout was different from the earlier visit.

Scraps:

Grandma from mom's side, dad and I, talking. I remember she was holding a golden cross that she wore around her neck. I made mental note of the size of the cross, almost too big to be held by one hand alone.

---

Notes:
- I don't believe H has actually ever bought Michelin-branded tyres.

7th May

Dream:

Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.

---

Notes:
- The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
- Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

4th May

Fragment:

A few dreams, the last one was in some kind of hotel room with two of my cousins, from dad's side. I don't remember much furniture at all We had some backpacks, mine was nothing like I've ever owned however. It was blue, bulky and square-ish; I have seen these in the past and have wondered what it would be like to have one, often thinking they are "cool".

But for some reason, we all got naked; there was some kind of pretext about us being smelly at the end of the day or something; then the two of them went to shower. I remember peeking through the somewhat open bathroom door and seeing two walk-in shower/wetroom areas, but only one shower head/hose. C was washing herself, and then her sister in turns. I think they were giggling for some reason.

Dream:

Not sure where or how this one started but I was in a city; sunny and stray white clouds. I remember lots of cut limestone blocks in the buildingwork, so it was like areas from my old home. This place was very busy, it was like one of the town/city areas with lots of public space. R from university was there. At first I walked right past him, it took me a while to recognise him.

His hair was slightly curled rather than flat. He was sitting or leaning against a wide limestone edge and was sweet talking with his girlfriend who was practically in his face and vice versa. I retraced some steps back as I realised it was him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and greeted me, apparently happy to see him. I remember conversation, but not its content.

A transition? I'm somewhere entirely different, I can't recall the environment very well but I can only describe it as dirty and gritty. Dominant hues in red, orange and moss green.

There was a small apartment building here, not far from a road, fourty to sixty yards. The building had a kind of trough dug around it, but not very deep, no more than a foot deep. More like a small dip really, and outside the trough circling the building, was a effectively a circular pile of guns. There were so many piled up I can't even guess at the number. Some had bright colours. Reminds me of Borderlands somehow. I remember going inside and walking through some poorly lit halls until I came to a flat that was quite small, the door was wide open. It looked a mess. There were some closed curtains and the room was poorly lit too. Outside still seemed dark-ish.

I think I was here with someone, maybe H? But I don't remember what else happened in the room. I think there was a third person, a woman possibly. Then I remember being outside the building, I'm walking over the pile of guns carefully as I assume them all to be loaded. I look to my right and there's this shack made of corrugated panels or the like and there's a gang hanging out there.

Some woman, possibly the one from before, stands next to me and tells me I should go talk to them. They've been causing havoc for some time in the region/area. I agree at first but then I look down and see some blue and red grenade launchers. I pick them up, not as heavy as I might expect. I turn to the left and aim at a tree or something which is at a similar distance to me as the gang was. I fire a few practice shots. I then quickly turn back towards the gang and start firing a hail of grenades over their shack. They grab some guns and start running towards me shouting and shooting with poor aim. I remember noticing a health display of sorts over some of them that were injured. They got quite close, but I still kept using the grenades to fight them.

Recall fades a bit but then there was a transition and I remember being in some hallways, dark and moonlit. My recall stops about here.

Mostly just one long dream and a small disjointed fragment from an early awakening.

---

Dream Fragment:

Something about a physical vault for porn; it was a gazebo-like building in the middle of a tiny island surrounded by a lot of water, but there were some nearby cliffs. I remember seeing it from there. H was in the dream and I remember feeling aroused from some of the images. I was sorting them, like they were in a computer file system. I wanted to finish what I was doing and spend some time together with H after I was done.

Dream:

Me and H were in the car. We were somewhere in Northern Ireland, we'd gotten there by boat but I don't have a dream memory of the boat trip. We drove through a few small villages. I remember someone telling me or talking about the weather, about how this little village here was always damp, wet, and cold. There were some very curvy roads, surrounded by nice and scenic woodland. Along the way two old men were just waddling about the literal middle of the road and I told H to slow down and be careful, since I was afraid we might hit someone like them. H didn't seem too bothered but slowed a bit.

We went up some hills, eventually we arrived somewhere. We came here for an appointment apparently. Initially in the dream I was confused, because I didn't remember having any appointments coming up soon, but it was for H actually. I remember being at the lobby/desk and "checking in", I was asked for a name and gave mine, and I remember looking away at a clock on a wall and saying it was a 12:30 appointment. The man said something but I don't remember what, but everything was OK anyway.

Then I went into a bathroom. It didn't have lights? But it had some natural light, but it was still dim. I don't remember what I was wearing up to this point, but now I was changing clothes, getting dressed as if going to bed. I had no pants on or anything but my top was the same one I actually slept with. The dark green one, which is long enough that it covered my private areas, so I just walked out of the bathroom not caring too much about it, walking more or less straight ahead, as I could see H sitting on a chair in a room, through a door. Understandably I did get some strange looks and glances from the nurses/staff as I walked towards that room.

I walked into the room and expected the therapist would close the door. She didn't, but then it closed itself, or I did it. The room was small and plain with a typical office-like look, but it only had two walls, the one with the door, and the one behind where me and H were sitting. There was no ceiling and beyond the two missing wall sections was a green area, and some kind of stadium? I remember waiting for the therapist to say something. At this point, I was still in some dream-confusion about whether this appointment was for myself or H. But then H spoke and I encouraged it too, so they'd talk about some anxiety stuff. This part of the dream recall is a bit vague for some reason but some people across the way interrupted the therapist somehow; they shouted, calling for attention or notifying her of something?

She seemed embarrassed and also unsure of herself. I remember she looked a bit like H's sister, but was naturally blonde and had at least twenty or more years on us. A bit out of nowhere, her superior showed up, a tall man in a suit, juxtaposing with her naturally small stature. He put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting way and told her something, but they were too far for me to hear.

At some point through all of that I remember noticing my bare left knee. Before sleeping, the past night, my knee had been having burning sensations and hypersensitivity. When I looked at my knee now in the dream, I could see a circle of strange bumps, with somewhat concentric lines of more bumps on the inside of that circle.

There's a transition of some kind. All of a sudden we're elsewhere, home maybe? I tell H I can't remember how we got here. I tell H that I have no recall of a trip back here and I feel confused, but do not remember to question reality.

The next thing I remember is we're in a mine of some kind. Dark, poorly lit, but the lights are a warm colour. Details are missing. At some point, I see a grenade on the floor, over a grate of some kind. Oddly enough, I'm unafraid of the grate despite realising there's a bottomless pit under it, and I see the grenade still has its safety pin. I grab it and inspect it. I remember H talking to me and me to H as I was doing this. On the grenade, with the bad lighting, I try to read for instructions; although I have a general idea of how it should work, this grenade seemed very small, I could make a fully closed fist around it. The only writing I could see on it was a lot number of some kind. It was difficult to read because of the light and the fact that it was just sort of embossed into the surface, there was no contrasting pigment. It read "l624" or something.

Disappointed by the lack of instructions, I threw it gently over onto a nearby tunnel that was lit by a lamp. I didn't want to hold on to it if I couldn't be sure how it worked. But then I detonated it or something, but while there was a big blast, there wasn't much light or noise. Virtually no damage occurred either.

Then I remember walking up a slope in the mine with H, and as we were about to exit the mine (which in the context of the dream was like our hideout) for some reason, a woman about our age showed up. She just walked in but was not hostile to us. A small-ish bear and a wolf of the same size followed her. She had semi-blonde and very curly hair. We both spoke to her and the animals went into the mine to sleep; H stayed speaking to her and I followed the animals, finding them asleep. I gently woke the wolf up and he growled at me, I was unafraid and let him feel that I was happy he was interacting with me. I let him sniff my hand and then he seemed to like me. Then I got some notifications on some interface overlay that the girl favourited some things I'd posted? It didn't make much sense. But now she like me and H more.

The last bit of the dream is kind of gone from memory now, but it involved some refugees she was helping and that we were then helping too.

---

Might edit in some notes later but a bit tired of typing.

Mostly remember fragments of a single continuous dream.

---

Dream fragment:

Something about a subway. Remember trying to catch a train but it was only three carriages long instead of the expected six, so I and most of the people on the platform didn't manage to get on. I was there with someone, family? Aunt or something.

Another part of this dream, remember being in the car (or train?) with mom and dad, possibly some sibling too. I remember seeing fires in the countryside that looked deliberate, as there were trees burning just under high-power transmission lines at a few different spots along the journey. I remember asking my parents if I should call the firemen, but they dismissed the idea that it was malicious and so eventually I ended up dismissing it too.

Dream:

I was playing some altered version of Freelancer with H. It looked more detailed and we were in a pretty dark system. There was a base with view to a planet nearby, Earth-like. We went to the base and docked there. The scale of everything was more accurate than in the actual game, though the interfaces all seemed to be in the same style as ever. I think at first we were a bit confused because we'd docked in different parts of the base, but I looked at the missions board and found some mission that had conflicting credit reward numbers. But it seemed like it would pay well anyway so I suggested we take this mission, something about a research vessel. I realised it might be challenging for a single player but should be fine with both of us doing the mission.

After taking the mission we took off from the base and started exploring. A frigate class ship appeared and it looked hostile, though shouldn't have been because of the mission, but H decided to attack it; we dealt with it somehow and continued. We were headed the direction opposite from where the planet was. The space background was mostly black with stars, not usually the case in Freelancer. As we tried to find the mission objective we went past a big asteroid base, belonged to the Xenos. It was white (neutral) to us because of the mission as expected and their fighters were fighting some other faction I didn't make note of.

Missing content or transition.

I remember being in a cave? Water-filled. I was swimming, something happened just before this but not sure what. I was holding this pendant that had a sapphire encrusted in it. Despite being a cave with no natural light, I could see fairly well. I swam fast to try to find an opening with air, though my concern wasn't over myself, it was over the gem. I remember a lady told me I couldn't let it crack, which it would apparently do eventually if it stayed in the water. (I assumed because of pressure, despite the small depth)

I found a sloping exit of the cave and got out of the water. The pendant and its gem were fine though I'd heard a few cracking noises while swimming. I was in a bigger cave system now. A kind of nexus of tunnels by the looks of it. I remember walking toward the leftmost tunnel from where I stood, it seemed to lead outside. As I got near an opening, there were people there. My cousin T? She was being held by this unknown man or something. I had three knives of different sizes and grabbed the biggest one, a curved blade, and stabbed the man in the lower right back, just under the ribs. He groaned I think but otherwise didn't seem that hurt. I tried something else; I wanted him to leave and so I threatened to cut his leg off, but he didn't take my threat seriously. I grabbed one of the knives, this one serrated, sharply so, and started cutting his right knee. Very quickly the bone became exposed and I started to cut the cartilage between the several bony bits. His leg's lower half came off and again he didn't seem that bothered, but it seemed like he gave in. Vague recall of cutting other of his limbs, but then all of a sudden he was fully re-attached as if nothing had ever happened, and he got ready to leave.

I don't remember any of the interaction between myself and my cousin. I remember then going back into the tunnels and finding some other outdoor place, a volcanic wasteland of sorts? There were bits and pieces of an ancient dragon scattered about. The sky looked cloudy or dusty, with warm colours to it. I don't remember feeling hot though. A woman approached me at some point, we discussed something of a philosophical nature, but I don't remember what.

Missing content or transition.

Exploring some kind of castle. Looked like it had been made by Gaudi himself; it was very busy, lots of tourists. Me and H were at the top of this castle building, and we were crawling around through these narrow and cramped white/off-white plaster-like half tunnels. I remember giving way to some old people at some point. I don't remember much anymore other than some visual details like the very rounded shapes and the fact that it was sunny, which meant there were all these rounded shadows.

I haven't been keeping on top of my DJing but recall has remained fairly consistent throughout. Still go through my recalled dreams every morning even if I don't make note of them.

Today several dreams, some fragments of them here. I think the order is more or less the same as the order of their happening.

---

Dream Fragment:

H was driving. Remember being in a town like where I'm originally from. Night time or just past sunset. There was a previous dream in which I was in the car with dad, so perhaps this was kind of a repeat? But in the dream with dad, I took over driving for a bit and somehow sort of spun it out of control and bounced it on its sides, only for it to land fine and carry on anyway.

Dream Fragment:

Was at a supermarket. Don't remember exactly everything I got or did, but do remember that by the end of the sequence I was looking through some kind of storage cupboards for tins of canned meat or cheap baked beans. Probably brought on from having a craving for meat an hour before bed.

I also remember that the supermarket was poorly lit or dark, but had a warm (in a nice sense) atmosphere to it.

Dream Fragment:

This one was obviously because of playing Stellaris recently. Was managing some kind of space empire and the interface looked weird. I remember sending fleets to certain star systems on the empire's borders or beyond.

In the dream I can remember talking to someone, we were discussing the choices I could potentially make with a unique society altering technology, which would let me restructure some native traits of the species. For whatever reason I remember picking some choice that would let me sacrificie "Noo"s (Pops, essentially?) for some kind of benefit, but I don't remember what. Something about this melded with archetype memories of Master of Orion II.

Dream Fragment:

Something about being on a slide. I don't think I myself was in the dream, more like it was a scene from a show. It was the "past" (there was some time travel transition in a previous dream) and this kid and his dad were in this covered slide. It was a very long slide but they were going slowly, and there were two other men, friends of that dad. They were all discussing holidays or something. Outside, visible through some tiny porthole windows on the slide, was a guy on a red motorcycle or something?

The dad and the kid were saying something about making fun of the motorcycle guy because they were somehow faster going from one end to the other than he'd been.

I remember a dark BMW or dark Mercedes somewhere. The weather was grey and overcast but fairly bright.

---

Notes:
- I have already noticed this a few times in the past, but usually around an hour or so before bed, whatever I do or happens seems to be more likely to appear in some form, even vaguely, in my morning dreams. Namely the looking through cupboards with a craving thing, in the case of this DJ entry.
- In the space empire dream, I remember being dissatisfied with the whole sacrificing thing, mostly because it seemed to just be massively inconvenient; I had the feeling I was locked into the choice or something.

Some dream fragments. Initially had better recall but didn't manage to type as much as I wanted in my initial notes and so recall just faded for the most part. Some pre-sleep journaling too because I haven't really done that a lot.

Although I have had recall of dreams from all the previous nights since my last DJ entry, I haven't been making notes in the morning for the most part. H's alarm can be distracting and causes me to lose details sometimes, which puts me off from trying to write, besides all the other usual issues.

---

Pre-sleep:

Some stray thoughts about something lead me to loosely focusing thoughts on memories from my childhood, primarily from the ages between three and five. Somewhat vivid memory of the balcony, but details missing and wrong. I hoped my focus on these memories would perhaps carry on into dreaming and allow me to explore the memories a bit better. Some recall of trying to place myself in the height I would have been, meaning a different point of view from the lower glass panes rather than the higher ones. I remember having other conscious thoughts about the memories but I have forgotten the specifics now.

Dream Fragment:

Was having a discussion with a girl about my age, we were talking about buck/boost transformers and how they saved power or something. I was doing a poor job of explaining and getting to the point I wanted to make and so she started to think I was trying to make some sort of sales point without evidence. I was at some kind of hotel? Initially I was speaking to her from a hallway that had these sliding doors to the outside; she was out on a courtyard of some kind, under a summer/pool tent of sorts.

I'd met her at a fairly high floor in the building, 30 something? I had been going up through the floors using stairwells with my family up to this point, but I think they just continued on without me. I think near the end the girl's form shifted between herself and some male dream character.

Before I got to the hotel, I remember travelling with my family through some highway, dad was driving. At some point we weren't in the car anymore but sort of still on the road. I remember my parents asking T if he should put an extra layer/top on. L made some comment? We were on the start of a mountain path or something. We were apparently going some place cold, I remember a dull grey day, misty. Reminds me now of some real beach or coastal area I've visited in waking reality many years ago with my family.

Dream Fragment:

Called an aunt. Brief conversation, remember noting it took no more than five or six minutes. Vague visual recall of orange phone screen?

---

Notes:

- The orange phone screen was most likely a detail of a home phone; either the one we have now or the one from my parents' house.
- The highways in the dream remind me of the ones from Fallout, possibly because of playing it recently.
- Not entirely sure what brought on the context of discussing electronics but possibly just a more obvious intrusion of information consolidation processes; my apparent ignorance on the subject in the dream perhaps being caused by the fact I rarely discuss the specific topic in question.

Some very long dreaming overall, many fragments lost now. The primary dream is backwards since that was the easiest way to put all the memory into notes.

---

Dream Fragment:

The earliest part of this dream I can remember, I was moving a cruise liner-like ship into orbit of a pretty plain planet. While manoeuvring close, I accidentally clipped head-on into the planet, so I had to sort of reverse out and reposition. I wanted to set it up so that it would make a nice screenshot, with the system's star and the nebulae in the background. There was a relatively dark palette to this scene, dark purples and dark desaturated oranges, almost a bright brown. The planet itself was a somewhat bright but lifeless pink and the ship was just some standard dark grey of sorts. Warm light.

I intended to upload the resulting screenshot onto the game's forum, I think. Despite the whole scene having a hyper-realistic feel, it was quite a lot like Freelancer but not quite, a bit of EVE online feel to it too.

In actuality I was on the ground, at the sloped and curvy area near M's house in my old town. I remember using some interfaces about my ship and looking through options. I "moused over" some checkboxes that had question marks next to them for info and quickly glanced at some tooltips that would appear with lists on them. I clicked some options rapidly; the options were relating to failure/limp modes. After checking these boxes, the ship started to implode. The options had no warning or confirmation before I had activated them so I got upset and spoke angrily at the interface, swearing and declaring how it was stupid, in my frustration.

On some list of ships I apparently owned, I saw the value of this cruiser drop rapidly from several hundred million to almost nothing as it imploded. I knew the ship was dead and worthless now in orbit of that planet and took some comfort in the fact that nobody would want to loot it being so worthless. Annoyed, I still felt like I could make a screenshot out of it.

Dream:

I woke up when in the dream I was telling H about some water-filled cyst things that seemed to be under my skin on my chest, my groin and my legs. They were hard to the touch. There were some kind of "veins" between them and at certain angles or positions the water would run down through them with gravity. It looked a bit like fresh sausages when they are cooked and have fluid built up under the casing. I remember the light at this point was a dim and lightly blue-ish morning light.

I asked H what it was and what it meant and more importantly, why it was going green on some bits (lower right belly) and H just said "then you lose" which made me panic and cry, at which point I quickly woke up.

In the dream I had noticed them earlier and in the dream context of having just seen a doctor recently too. I wondered why I hadn't told the doctor about them. Maybe they weren't there at the time? This was all at the end of a long and odd dream.

The preceding segment, I was with H at some guy's house. We were just loading up some cabinet "from the sound of music" or something into the van. Fairly dark wood, polygonal top, gold double trim along some edges, namely the top's sides. Was a bit like an end-table/cabinet. The guy who'd sold it to us had curly hair and fit some generic archetype of a musician. He commented something like "I hope you won't use it, and just store it safely in a bank", obviously still sentimental about it despite selling it. I thought to myself that there was no point in doing that, why had we bought it then. H didn't comment, I think.

I had arrived on foot at this place, having expected to actually go home before I got here but for whatever reason I had come across H in the dark street just in front of this guy's house. H's van was on its left side and H had taken the roof off it somehow. Had a determined look and was moving some reel tape boxes on a shelf just behind the bulkhead. Gravity didn't seem right, like it was working in multiple directions at the same time. Didn't notice me for a while, but it was like I wasn't there either. Pre-lucid thoughts about how the van being like this was very dreamlike. The thoughts didn't cross the required threshold however and I didn't do any reality checks.

Preceding that, I had been walking along streets of some version of the town we live in now. It was night time and wet, I can remember the reflection of red traffic lights on puddles. It may have been raining too while I walked. I remember the majority of my walking time I had been looking at Whatsapp on my phone. There were messages from H and loads from other people, but I promptly dismissed or ignored the ones from other people as I noticed them.

When I started walking it was day time, sunny and dry. I remember there was this garden, belonging to a bad man. I felt like burning it down just before I'd left it. I walked across the little fields to get to the pavement and there were some odd roots or vines that had a planty mouth, and they shot chocolate ice cream or something across to the other side of the street. The little fields had vegetables planted, mostly carrots and turnips? But the root of the vegetables was very visible, not just the top of the plants.

I got to this place after walking outside from another place where me and a bunch of other people were. Everyone had just found out that this man who owned these little garden/field things was a bad person, because of the testimony I gave them publicly, plus the testimony of two other people in the room. I was glad that they had spoken up. This indoors place was a bit like the fun centre at the mall near my old town. Odd lighting to the place.

This man had apparently been building illegal mini race track things but there was something more insidious about him. I had just come down from an indoors ramp of sorts when a girl about my age confronted me about it, she had a worried look on her face. In the preceding segment I had been helping that man build this thing. But I stopped helping him as soon as he asked me to poop somewhere, as part of the building effort or something and to do something with it. I pretended to have no issue with this and just told him there was no way I could possibly just do it whenever I wanted and that I was fairly "irregular" anyway. I thought at this point of asking for the pay he'd promised but realised immediately he'd be a bastard, so I didn't and at that point I just wanted out of there and away from him.

Finally, the earliest point in the dream I can remember was something about a forest and a sort of top down view. It was where I first noticed for myself these mini race track things, some floating over some kind of black abyss void.

Dream Fragment:

Something about Kaiju/Godzilla? Vague visual recall of some scenes where Godzilla was walking through a city.

Dream Fragment:

Some mini dream sequence about the automatic act of shaving. Probably caused by a lingering intent of wanting to do since yesterday.

---

Notes:
- When I woke up from the long dream, I was sweating, which is what typically has been happening when I get long and intense or vivid dreams.
- The panic-type feelings stopped as soon as I woke up and didn't carry over into wakeful awareness. This wasn't what I'd consider a bad dream, just an odd one.
- The things that were on my chest and etc. seemed like the symptom of something but I don't remember them being painful or anything.
- There were several other dreams that I had fragments of, but I didn't make note of them and couldn't hold them through writing the rest of this.

A few dreams from this morning. On one of the earlier awakenings I decided to make notes and stay up to try and force myself back into more usual sleeping habits. Some in-line notes.

---

Dream:

I was in my old home's bedroom. H and mom were there. H had set up this pipe organ for me (though there were no pipes anywhere) and though I was actually playing poorly I was reading the notation extremely well which pleased me since I'm usually terrible at doing this. But in the dream it was assumed (by myself and the characters) that I was in fact playing well too. I remember walking into the kitchen after trying to play some pedal notes, and mom was there making some food. She was cooking some meats like beef chunks and black sausage type of thing in the big cast aluminium pan. It looked odd, and traditional, but seemed like it could be nice too.

Mom was disappointed though, she said if I "can play the organ, then why can't you do the dishes?". In the dream I felt that there was no reason I couldn't do the dishes, but I felt the need to argue her statement because I had never had any piano lessons or any suchlike, which L and T did; I also presented the fact I was (apparently) doing really well with playing and the fact that I had never really understood music at all in the school, so this was a success or improvement over that. I felt some disappointment myself that mom couldn't just cherish this. In the dream I remember at some later point standing in the corridor and hearing L playing some DOTA game, and I think T was just in their own room, in the dark, which lead me to assume T was sleeping for some reason. It was night time through out the entire dream.

Dream:

Dreamed something a bit like the game I had played the last night (and this night) with H, in some watery and dark underground place. But then there were some fire enemies and I ran into a stairwell as I made distance from them; then the situation was a lot less game-like and more realistic and though I didn't feel afraid because of the fire, I made my way up the stairwell anyway, as did some other random people that appeared, some of which I apparently already knew on a personal level, classmates in the dream context or something.

I took my time going up the steps for whatever reason, sort of fooling around by doing a full step by actually stepping on every bit of each step with my feet as smoke would start from each place I had just stepped on. This went on for a short while, after which I continued going on up the stairs. I walked into a room from one of the stair landings, with some random girl my age or so? I opened a window to the fire escape for the building. I do remember a girl (Sol) I knew from school a long time ago, who seemed to be in the dream as filler. As I looked out the window and opened a latch on its left side, I could see a fireman on a ladder approaching (and emergency lights?) and as he got closer and came in through the window we told him it was nothing to worry about really.

I remember there was some antagonistic element to the dream from when I was climbing the stairs earlier; there was this group of angry radicals from downstairs who insisted on something about the fire and basically made a big deal out of nothing. The firemen that came through the window shrugged and sincerely said it would be fine since there was nothing to worry about and they told us that they'd switch the main power on in a second. Weird, since it hadn't seemed to be off at all. There was some side or sub-plot, involving a Gollum from China or something, who was being tortured. (Probably from recently playing Fallout)

Dream:

Super cheesy 80s programme intro, of a show apparently called "Rexxar : Star Trek". I was watching it on Youtube or something like it, with quite a focus "tunnel vision".

There was a vividly clear music with a leading electric guitar and other typical sounds from the 80s and some generic synth sounds. The visual elements of the montage were defined by the fact that they were little square "cuts" of other scenes, presumably from the programme itself, presenting the whole thing in a certain cheesy feel. Those square cuts mostly featured head shots of sexy and almost half naked women and some of the cuts had stills of Rexxar from Warcraft, as well as mini montage being featured in one of these square cuts showing a cartoony/kids-style but real cake of Rexxar being made or put together.

Everything in the video montages had a very pure white backdrop thing going on. Despite the cheesy aspect, the dream video was amazingly vivid, just as the music.

The characters, the women, were nobody that I recognise(d) and just felt like generic constructs appropriate for the context, but there was some underlying feeling of them being famous within the context.

The dream ended shortly after this intro video, when the show "started" by showing some sort of big teddy bear thing on a swivel chair in a very fancy post modern designer house. Vividness was much lower as soon as the intro cut to this sequence. I remember thinking in the dream that the whole thing was somewhat stupid, and that it had nothing to do with Rexxar (despite the featured cuts).

Some dreams but recall was poor, possibly to do with the time I went to bed at.

---

Dream Fragment:

Something where I and other people were scriptable entities as if in a game or something. I remember some friend telling me that I smelled badly or something and after that I was accessing something like a scent variable on myself and others, trying to copy someone else's nice scent onto my own variable's field.

Extremely vague memory of the visuals, I remember some desaturated warm colours and murky or dark visuals, but I don't think it was night or indoors.

Because I can't remember details, I can only say there were some monsters in the dream, I think possibly all dead. I also remember something about a non-moving train. Some of this probably brought on by playing Fallout again recently.