side notes

More catching up.

29th August 2020

~9:00

Dream:

Playing TF2 as Demo, don't remember for which team. Had the pipe bomb launcher, an RPG-7 too, but looked like the HL1 launcher...

Later on in the dream, after a very slim win of the match, by kills score alone (would have been a draw otherwise), I am walking around with old classmates. Unusually, I feel tired in the dream. Then I think about covid, and how we aren't wearing any masks or anything. I remember a concrete building I'm in? Lots of staircases maybe. But well lit, overall, high ceilings too.

The place outside looks like L. I walked out of some lobby place? I start to feel uncomfortable being so close to everyone else (because of covid), but nobody else seems to care.

As we're going down some cobbled steps, I notice a uniforms shop. The stairs are very wide and go down quite a distance, but this seems typical of L. The logo reminds me of UPS, same colour scheme but not shape? I think to myself "I can buy a labcoat there, later", having some follow-up feelings about not wanting to have classmates around me for that. But unfortunately, despite my very clear dream sign thought, I didn't remember to do a RC, I think because I didn't see a visual cue of the DS advertised or on display at the shop.

(relating to the feelings) I remember thinking that I didn't want to go in now since my classmates were around and I'd feel embarrassed. But I also think about how the shop looks closed anyway. Cloudy day? But not overcast?

Then further down along the stairs or whatever, on the left, there's a pair of black and bearded/old vagabonds, one having a cane or long stick. I think I woke up after this while still going down the cobble steps of the stairway. I remember a (typical) long green railing in the middle, but I think this colour isn't used anymore actually.

At the bottom of all the steps was a road cornering from the left to straight ahead, in terms relative to my own position. Squareish building on the bend across the road? Maybe quay or dock area further along. Visual recall is too poor after over a week since the dream now.

~9:12?

Trying to fall asleep again as WBTB. Slideshow of 80s style VANS shoes advert? No visual recall of this anymore.

~10:40

Fragment:

Return to the first dream theme, was with old classmates again. Sausage rolls and other such typical pastries. No visual recall that I can gather.

---

Notes:
- Although I didn't realise it, I suppose there's a semi-direct link between uniforms and TF2. I thought it was curious that TF2 showed up in dreaming, since I haven't played it for years, though I have had passing thoughts of it recently.
- Covid didn't start featuring in my dreams at all until recently, but I'm not entirely sure why yet.
- The thoughts about my artificial DS would have been enough to prompt a RC in waking life.
- The appearance of one of the vagabonds (to my recall) makes me think of some vagabond in the Matrix? Or some other stereotype appearance.
- Old classmates have been reappearing a fair bit lately, it had become an uncommon DS for a while but seems to be getting common again. Need to re-think about significance for waking life purposes.

28th August 2020 DFLN

Fragment 8:30

Woke up unusually early (not needing to, at least) and from some kind of FA. I was in bed with H and I turned and there was a mantis/grasshopper thing on his pillow. I woke him up and alerted him to it.

Then I got up from bed as H was asking me to find his cheapo soldering iron to kill the bug with. It was skittering about and seemed smarter than an average bug. It was about the size of a ping-pong ball.

The bug then eventually appeared on top of the bed again and H tried to make it go away (by blowing at it?) and when he did, the soldering iron then just appeared (the red and white one) and he grabbed it and started whacking at the bug with it like a weird whip.

Semi-Lucid Fragment 9:30

In a strange (and even more) cluttered version of our home. I went downstairs to the kitchen, the tap was dripping (as it had been for a while) and I knocked my fist against it and a bunch of water splurted out.

I was then doing something but H was here and had to go, his dad was here to pick him up. I walk with them down some blue carpeted stairs? Awful railing/banister, far too high. There's some sunlight at some point, that I appreciate.

They leave and I come further down to close the front door, which is off its hinges. It's a big thick blue painted door made of actual wood, not exactly like our door actually is. Outside the doorway was a busy city street, like the capital of my native home.

Then as I'm faffing around with door, trying to get it back on its hinges, M (from MB) shows up. She's on a bike and so is her new boyfriend, which looks to be a bit of a nasty one, superficially.

She asks me how I'm doing and remarks I'm not looking so good. I notice that she's much thinner and she even mentions it herself. I congratulate her on her weight loss and give her a thumbs up as she cycles away, I think with a smile. Her mouth had been slavering like hell the whole time and her nose looked icky inside.

Then I'm slightly outside, still struggling with the door. But I realise I'm naked and think of going back in so the people in the street don't start staring at me. But then I say to myself "Hang on a minute, I'm naked, in a public street, with loads of people... But I'm dreaming." I become semi-lucid at this point and became increasingly aware of my real body, not managing to stay in the dream properly, especially as I started to become aroused for no reason, my real body just became too evident and so I just woke up

---

Notes:
- In the second dream, M's better outer appearance felt like a genuine message of self-improvement on her part, but now that I'm thinking about it, her icky nose/mouth context sort of suggests a rotten inside in some sense. In addition to that, she was together with a (seemingly) bad person, again.
- Oddly enough, I didn't remember the bit where she'd mentioned I wasn't looking so good but I don't remember feeling unwell in the dream.
- In the first fragment, I think I was naked, but there was nothing unusual about it since I'd just gotten out of bed in the FA; the bug would have been a good cue for a RC in that fragment.

26th August 2020 DFLN

Long dreams, poor recall because of noisy workers outside.

Fragment:

Remember being at my old best friends' house. His younger brother was there too, but was older?

I think I talked to my friend about my art. I thought about showing him some drawings, I remembered he used to draw a bit, including by tracing.

---

Notes:

- Back when we were actually friends, I considered tracing to be a "cheat", a notion I have dropped in recent years.

23rd August 2020: DFLN

24th August 2020 DFLN

Dream:

About classic WoW. On my gnome rogue, using a 100% riding horse. I'm in Winterspring? I fight some lions (but they don't look wintery/snowy like the local tigers should). In-line note: The night before this dream I had watched for the first time the trailer for the remake of Lion King, which I had heard of but not seen much about.

I'm Combat-specced, I think. There were other player characters nearby but I don't remember any interactions, mix of Horde and Alliance, I think. Then Hnk messages me as I'm going to the town, which is more realistic and I walk toward a little shop in one of the buildings.

Hnk was upset about guild recruiting. Some girl lied about something specific in the application to join? But apparently this was normal. I remember we messaged each other for a while, whilst I was still outside but in the middle of the town.

Then I'm in the shop. I remember eventually I stop making notice of the chat UI for a bit. The shop is like one of those little convenience stores where you buy newspapers, magazines and play lottos, etc. There's a lady who runs the shop, behind a counter. I just look around at first.

Something changes as I'm talking to Hnk via messages. Now, all of a sudden, the shop is full of "dirty" magazines. They are pretty much the only thing for sale here now, mostly featuring naked women with artificially bigger breasts. Most of them seem to be around my age. I find it all to be more distasteful than I normally would somehow. Then the lady at the counter complains to herself about how people keep going into the private areas at the back.

I sort of join in and comment that it's ridiculous, people should surely know not to go past the counter. The lady appreciates my understanding of her situation and then I approach and ask her about something. (What?) And then I remember that I was supposed to sort something out while I was here, but I forget what, so we both take guesses at what it could be, for a while. I remember closing my eyes and resting against the counter while I try to remember.

Eventually I "recall" that I needed to sort out some kind of prepayment card. For Hnk? But mom asked me to do it? The lady shows me a plastic plate/card with some information and I try to take a photo of it with my phone, which feels unusually big and unwieldy.

The dream ended shortly after, and there were other dreams but I couldn't recall them.

---

Notes:

- This dream features mixed parts of recent life (classic WoW) and parts of my late teens.
- In the dream, I vaguely recall having thoughts that although I found the magazines distasteful, they were this lady's business, so I made sure to not comment anything out loud about it to myself. This may be a partially direct message aimed at some part of me, using some role reversal as metaphor in the dream.
- The chat with Hnk was particularly long via whisper messages. I only wish I could have recalled more specific wordings or details.

- This dream felt nostalgic in a sense; WoW dreams are generally nostalgic anyway for me but they also tend to be novel, featuring adventures unique to myself and often in alternate versions of game locations or completely new areas. But the shop was reminiscent of when I would go to such shops to play the lottery in my late teens and I often did notice there were these types of lewd magazines at those shops; as I got older I felt like it became more common but maybe this was just a shift of my own perspective. Because of this, in a way, the dream felt nostalgic of how things were before everything started to feel sexualised in some sense.

Been having motivational issues around dreaming because of how mornings (and days in general) have been lately, but really need to finish catching up my DJ. Will also try to give this some relevant title...

22nd August 2020 (DFLN thread)

Dream:

Something about being in a town and visiting a cultural centre thing with a group of people, like a field trip (from how I remember them at school).

There were some little statuette things atop a doorway bit at the entrance of a museum area? The statuettes were the legacy of an Aztec culture that (in the dream) had existed in Europe until the 800s.

I remember some people in the group were old classmates of mine. Many of them were simply messing around and some of them got some chairs to try and reach up to the statuettes to touch them. The statues had some visual resemblance to football players? Or to table football figurines. The statuettes were very blocky and maybe made of some kind of painted terracotta.

I was completely uninterested in messing around like them and so went for a walk. I remember the inside of the museum looked dark, no lights were on inside since it was daytime. I think I went with one of the teachers around the area. There were gardens of some kind and it was sunny. There was a little artificial water feature, like a mini concrete pond.

Then I had walked a really long way. Eventually I'm jogging or running? And then there's a guy along the pavement and I sort of prompt him to race with me. It's night time now but bright from moonlight (I vaguely recall a sunset transition as I walked); we're in a suburban type of area, reminds me of North American suburbs.

I don't quite remember how, but eventually we're very high up, we climbed or ran up some thick steel cabling to get here. We're higher than some of the tallest buildings' rooftops in the area. This is some kind of construction site. Then a thunderstorm begins and this guy I raced with tells me about some villain he has to assassinate, like I'd earned his trust or something? I somehow have a focused zoom-view looking straight down from the girders we're on an I see what I can only describe as a convertible white limo. The villain steps out and he looks like King Pin.

I use some kind of oversized (comically?) rocket launcher, featuring a red colour scheme. I shoot straight down at the limo, I don't remember exactly what happened but the dream went on for a while, but at this point recall had faded too much.

---

Notes:

- The area the museum was in was very much like the areas around my old home, but more so of the town next over from mine (Bran).

Edit: Added in 16th August 2020

Dream:

The dream was a bit like Final Fantasy somehow. Had a cinematic-like presentation, long dream overall.

At a mall with H, meeting up with my mom and dad. There are three bad guys around and we help local security deal with them. I remember a rectangular area of the mall, it had four escalators or six, two at each end (four in total) and then another two at the central area?

Then I'm walking outside with H, we're holding our arms together. Some Australian guy appears and makes a remark of some kind? I get annoyed by it and I sort of snark at him but not too much, as he looks well built and I'd rather not get into a fight. He kind of goes quiet.

We go for a wee? At some point the guy apologises, something about being gay being illegal in Australia; I accept his apology and say I understand that he has a different background.

A girl? At a castle/mansion place. I remember the outside walls of some castle tower buildings, we were walking along them earlier. The girl is from an earlier part in the dream. I remember being bare foot and feeling cold tiles but not being bothered enough by it for me to mention it.

---

18th August 2020

Dream:

At the end of the dream, me and H were using some kind of Matrix VR headset. Were we watching or maybe participating in a show of some kind?

Then I remember being with H in my parents' old bedroom. We're both naked and we're sort of just lounging about? At one point, H starts getting aroused and we both get a bit silly, making jokes or something. I remember making a Scorpius impression.

I remember running water. Some kind of device attached to a wall. It was leaky, or poorly sealed. Then I remember something else about MB and I was upset that he was lying to someone again, and then he was pretending he hadn't done anything.

---

20th August 2020

Dream (DFLN Thread):

Part of a very long dream. Something about some dream characters, within some big building. A girl who tries to tackle me I think? I seem to remember the building wasn't finished or something, as I remember seeing a lot of bare concrete and open sections.

I dodge the girl's tackle and she falls from three stories high, and she comes apart into several bloody pieces as she hits the floor, but the "tearing apart" seems to not correspond to the impact that had occurred, as it seems lethargic compared to the actual impact and fall.

Several dream characters and small interactions with them? (Like what... Nicely detailed!)

At some point I was in some very distorted version of my old home but with my current neighbours. At some point me and H are in a version of my old room.

I remember hearing the neighbour scream like we've heard it in some mornings before but we mostly just ignored it this time. I also remember the lady from the old couple had someone over, and she was talking so loudly we could hear her voice clearly through walls.

By the end of the dream I'm looking at the computer. I'm on my browser, on the usual art site. Dream-generated art from other artists and I remember commenting or interacting somehow. Something about an art piece focused on a giant maw and its teeth.

Then I remember being on DV looking at my DJ and seeing that I got my Roman numerals numbering wrong somehow and in more than just a few entries. It makes me wonder in the dream, if I should rename them all and just scrap the idea.

---

Notes:
- Although I don't get them so much anymore I still sometimes have these dreams with MB in them. What surprises me a bit is that in the dreams I don't react violently to his presence. There's usually a context of normalcy, as if contact had never been broken but with the subtext that he'd still done something wrong.
- I don't remember any details of the VR headset thing but it sounds interesting. It's reminding me now of some very ancient dreams I had in my childhood (before I even watched the Matrix, I think?).

- The girl that falls to literal bits, this was probably partly brought on from playing KF, in which the enemies come apart when killed and in, I suppose, quite gruesome ways; though when playing I usually find this to be quite amusing because of the physics effects and sometimes the slow-mo effect makes it all the more amusing.
- The thing about the DJ numerals has occurred to me before as passing thoughts while on DV and away from it too. I have had thoughts about how the system will become cumbersome when it reaches very high numbers.
- The second dream, in the part where I was looking at art; this may have been part of a subconscious process that recently pushed me to trying to do something creative together with another artist. But as with the rest of my dreams on this recurring subject the focus is on interaction, a part I feel deeply deprived of quite often.

- Also worth noting that I was a bit lax with my recall and DJ efforts for about a week, in good part because of schedules and also because of tiredness. I often find it frustrating when I want to make note of dreams while feeling physically incapable of it (fatigue, pain, etc).

Really need to finish catching up on DJ, getting close to current dreams now. I also feel I maybe do need to start giving proper titles to my DJ entries for quicker reminders at a glance of what they're about. I don't like doing it sometimes because I often change my mind about what the focus of the dream was.

11th August 2020

Dream:

Somewhat fragmented. One of the first parts was inside a building, nicely decorated. Public works type of building. Something about me needing a Greek lawyer, without this lawyer some cronies would just be able to punch me as much as they wanted or something? Marble flooring and generally ornate detailing. Don't remember much else.

Then I remember coming out from my old home building's main entrance. I casually walked across the short distance to the entrance of the shop here. The fruit stands weren't where they'd normally be. They were all piled up on top of one another by the entrance, kind of.

There was a basket with green pears. The entrance seemed wider than I remember it? Theo was standing there, watching, so I asked him for some of those pears and he asked how many. Three, I replied for whatever reason.

He put the pears in a clear plastic bag and then I walked closer and he gave them to me. Then I went in the shop and he returned to his usual business. It was surprisingly busy inside. The layout was a slightly altered version of how I remember it, but with a bit of expansion that wouldn't be physically possible. (In which direction?)

I roamed around inside the shop. There was a display counter (where he'd typically have the cheeses, hams, etc.) and I saw some of those heart shaped pastries I like in there. I got two and put them away somehow, in a bag? I remember looking around a bit more but then the next thing I remember is being outside and walking back toward the building's entrance.

Mom came out of the main entrance, I think, and T was arriving from the main entry point into the cul-de-sac. I remember thinking this was all in good timing, as we could then have an afternoon snack together or something.

---

Notes:
- I think I feel this dream is something of a closing chapter on some of my older memories. My family looked as they do now and I felt as I do now. But the shop had already changed after I first left. Theo no longer owns and runs it and that's a part of my childhood that will remain nothing more than a memory now.
- I can't remember why three may have been significant (three can always be significant for whatever reason we want, there were three pears and three of us and so on...) but the dream's choice of fruit in the pear was probably because I had recently had thoughts about having pears, a fruit I haven't had in quite a long time now.

- Though I don't remember the details specifically anymore, I think it was a sunny day.

- I have a rather peculiar thing with timings, for some reason. The encounter of my mom and my sibling just as I'm coming back to the building's entrance is just such a simple example of my peculiar timings but over the last few months I have found myself having a lot of passing thoughts about my timings.

8th August 2020 8:30

Fragment (DFLN thread):

Recall faded somewhat. Left too long before deciding to type.

Was underwater, felt something like Conan:Exiles but overall it was a mixture of different things. (nice and specific as always... )

A cutscene of an event? Something about having a wee, or reproducing? A giant blue or dark teal female-like character had phallic tentacles from their genital area and they wrapped them around me or my character and left some kind of "seed". (my visual recall of this seems to have faded, but I remember it was quite distinct)

Then something similar happened again? But with a different creature. Then I remember being equally big and trying to protect some smaller spawn.

A wave of zeds from KF appeared and I used my giant arms to simply swat them away as they swam closer?

Some other part, going up in a lift in a rush after escaping while fighting. Remember using a shotgun in a first-person mode. As the lift made a stop, there was a character. A deer, or half-deer. Something about the hooves was important? I remember a divinely glow of some kind behind the character... But not sure now.

Then, further along, inside a gigantic tree that had been planted earlier (when?) but could sort of see inside out or something when looking up, weird perspective stuff. A bit cinematic-y.

Fragment:

Drawing on tablet?

---

8th August 2020 10:10

Fragment:

In the old kitchen at the old home. Something about mom making a deal, or promise? With me, or with dad, who was also in the room. There's some cooking going on, I was making something soupy, or sauce-like.

In an earlier part of the dream, playing with H in some GTA or SR-like game. I remember using a very large tank that took up two lanes, and then eventually simply decided to spawn or summon a jet, like one from JC3, but I got a fighter by accident instead of a bomber like I meant to, but I just carried on and got in it. Went over some restricted zone and started shooting at generic henchmen. I remember a city and a lot of water. Maybe a bit futuristic.

Fragment:

Mixed/incomplete recall. My cousin T ate some little sweet thing. It did something to her behaviour and I think her sister was there too. Something about me babysitting or taking care of them? Weird dream place, vivid-ish colours.

---

Notes:
- For a while now me and H have been playing KF2 on and off together, the zeds were probably just a leak-through of that. But I haven't really played C:E in forever, but have thought about it.
- Not sure what was the specific source for the giant characters. Need to make mental note to look through old sketches.
- The deer character was an unusual appearance. I think it was partly precipitated by the interactions I've had with Occipitalred here on DV. Deer-type animals are not the type I give a lot of conscious attention, though I did paint a deer character some six weeks ago (at the time of writing this).
- The "mistake" of summoning the wrong jet is of particular significance for me because in JC3 I got very used to flying the more sluggish bomber and really pushing it to its limits.

Chronological re-direction entry;

2nd August 2020

4th August 2020 - 1

4th August 2020 - 2 (lucid)

---

5th August 2020

Fragment:

Canyons and ravines. Going around with someone else, but don't recall who.

Eventually something about escaping or getting away. An alien "saucer" ship. Vision, of an alien communicating in an unknown language, as if on a holographic screen/display. One word stands out from the alien's speak however: Hyperdrive.

I need to find a hyperdrive for these aliens, or find a suitable person to repair theirs maybe, I remember thinking. The drive would be mounted at the top of their ship?

Still in the same dream, in my old home's building in the stairwell. Something seems different from how it should be. I go to one of the in-between level landings and go through one of the storage areas behind the frosted glass. They have a door on the other side which leads to a different, but mirror version of the stairwells. I don't question this in the dream, but it would have been a very good point for a RC, as this construct would be physically impossible in reality, there would be a drop on the other side, not a mirror version.

The stairwell was well lit by natural light, but still many dark contrasts. Unlike in present day, the stairwell had no automatic lights.

---

6th August 2020

Fragment:

Some early dream part was something about sending waves of hundreds of "native" fighters, fighting for some cause that a faction I belonged to was pursuing. These native fighters kept being annihilated by the enemy, which was simply better equipped.

After this happened more than a few times (I remember seeing it, but not being there), I went to the fronts myself, only to find that there was no strategist in place here and so felt it was no wonder they kept getting slaughtered by the enemy. Lack of equipment could have been substituted by adequate and cautious strategy to defeat these openly arrogant enemies.

Fragment:

By the end of this dream I was watching some kind of live concert? There was a white female singer in the centre of a room. She started to sing a song I don't know, it was titled "Snowflake" or something. At first I thought that it was going to be silly, but then I found myself relating to the lyrics of her song, feeling like it was a song that could have come from H's perspective about me. The lyrics started off something like "something as simple as; merry Christmas!; is enough to [something] my snowflake".

In-line note: Re-writing this here now, it seems there's still a lingering emotional link, despite not remember the dream very well visually; this suggests to me that this is attached to a very specific part of my subconscious, as I only have a few specific instances of this happening.

Because I found myself relating to the lyrics so oddly and so specifically, I did a reality check. I had the correct number of fingers, and my fingers wouldn't pass through my palms, so I decided perhaps too quickly that reality was consistent enough that I wasn't dreaming.

I remember the whole thing was all very "sing-along", with people in an audience playing their own instruments, in perfect time with the music, somehow just right, with no flaws at all.

---

Extra note:

- The music in the singing lady dream was, to my memory, completely dream-generated, but it did have elements of old timey singing/melody, which H does listen to a fair bit and I usually listen to as well when H does.
- The first fragment from the 6th came from an incredibly long dream, I remember being in a lot of different places, mostly tents, trenches, battle-scarred streets, etc. I remember many scenes of both brightness and darkness, but I seem to be remembering an overly orange, sandy tone to the dream.

30th July 2020

Dream: (DFLN thread) ^{(self-memo: be sure to re-read Sageous comment and my own reply)}

Was at some therapist's office. Looked to be a typical rented office space. I went in and saw a doctor "Hodstatdr Lester" ^{(note, this is my original spelling in the original entry)}, he insisted gently that I call him Lester.

He was a well-built man, with a mostly round head (bald?) and with a deep voice. He wore glasses.

We sat opposite each other on identical chairs. Lightly stained pine frames with blue textile cushions (deep blue?).

He began by asking me what he could help me with and by saying remarking something about whether or not it would be worth our time, mutually.

I talked for a little bit, I don't have a recall of the specifics but then I said I had two unresolved phobias. He seemed to nod compliantly and asked me to go on. I remember thinking about what I wanted to say, and then saying it, an unusual process for me during conversation.

"Well, one of my phobias is what's on your shirt." I said
"Pockets?" He said with a look of surprise.
"No" I replied, making a motion with my index running along my sternum.
"Ah, you mean buttons" He replied.

I interrupted with "Yes" because I had(have) an aversion to even saying the word at times.

"Well, you have a [unintelligible prefix]-phobia" He then stated.

I also had in mind that I wanted to talk about another unresolved phobia. But oddly enough I couldn't remember what it was (and still can't).

In any case, I said that this phobia name sounded familiar, and just as we were about to start discussing it, I woke up.

Original notes:

- While I felt like I could trust him, hesitantly, this feeling was mostly further compromised by the fact that the chairs were oriented in a way that made him be slightly my left and I to his right. This could have been corrected easily when I sat down, by simply turning the chair in a different angle.
- In addition, the room was large. 6x6 mtrs or so at a guess. But apart from our chairs it was a completely empty office. The floor was carpeted?
- Finally, there were two windows. One behind and left of the therapist (from my pov) and another one out of sight in the far right corner of the room. It was day time and so the two windows were the only light sources.

Scraps:

Mentalist dream, something about young children getting their fingers stamped with hot seals? This was part of some imagined thoughts at some point.

Something about being in my old home's kitchen, the light was on. Absence of light and darkness from outside. Odd. Mom and T were in the kitchen? Something about cooking, and then a bat flew in and mom notified us, after I'd already spotted it. It was light brown in colour, caramel coloured even.

One of the very first dreams? Was in a tank in some place near a warehouse and I was shooting civilians with tank shells, because they were being uncooperative somehow. I remember troops on foot scattering from a rear formation to take control of the civilians and the immediate area.

9th July 2020

Fragment:

Something about talking to A in some imagined version of her home. I remember it was day time and there was a coffee table? An old style computer with a CRT.

We talked about a few things, mostly random ones, but also about my art and I asked if she knew anyone who might be interested.

---

10th July 2020

Fragment:

Dream about being on the computer and looking through one of the art sites I frequent. I remember looking at my own art and other peoples' art, but the rest of the recall is gone.

---

11th July 2020

Fragment:

On the computer, looking at one of the art sites again, and at my account page. I think I'd received some comments and I was typing up replies to the comments. I vaguely remember new dream-generated artwork, both of my own authorship and of other artists.

Something about wanting to make a second account for only certain types of posts (?) but in the end I decided it would be too confusing if I had duplicate uploads between two different accounts.

---

Notes:
- There is quite a mix within these three days, the dreams being pretty much about the same thing in one way or another; my art and how both I and others perceive it.
- At present this hasn't been manifesting in dreams quite as much but at the time of these dreams I was perhaps finding myself obsessively thinking about these things a bit through the days, more so than currently.
- The recalled part of the first dream relates directly to how I no longer have direct contacts/friendships with people who are interested in the same things, thus trying to see if a friend did know anyone and if we could basically be introduced; I've had this thought consciously a few times during certain days but since then have decided that I can't meaningfully seek this out in a natural/organic way and since then I've also had a conversation about this topic with a friend.

7th July 2020

Dream (somewhat fragmented):

Some mix of walking and racing around a city. There was a long track that lapped at a military train station of some kind and looped around through a somewhat futuristic city and some mountains and sea side cliffs. I think I lapped around a couple of times at least. The track was a mix of dirt and train tracks along the non-city parts, so the car would transform or something as it went on and off the rail tracks. The moments during which I was driving were all in third person view.

(recall gap)

At some point I was driving a tank past the check point where the race track supposedly lapped, somewhere in the city. A group of rebels appeared and melded out from the cheering crowds gathered around the city race track. The group of people had guns and they clung to me and demanded "the truth" (not of me, it was their chant?). I was not their ally but not their enemy either. I carried on moving forward and some point I'm me and not in the tank anymore, and I'm going through this cramped and small hall of a sci-fi, neon-lit mall. It's kind of dark but the neon signs made a stark contrast.

(at some point there's a transition, maybe not instant but gradual, though my recall of it has faded)

The rather large group of rebels was much smaller now. I was now in a giant cavern and this much smaller (less than ten people in total) group of rebels and their children had been following me for a while now after what I think had been quite some time walking; some of the kids kept holding on to me (in fear?) or clinging but I found this annoying at times since I was trying to move forward.

In the huge cave there was this giant reptilian alien creature and it was fighting or attacking something. I remember running past its large open mouth and throwing a small nuclear bomb inside. Somehow I made it keep its mouth closed as I moved towards its tail.

The bomb went off at this point and the light shone right through the scaly skin; there was a certain iridescence to the effect and there were plenty of vivid colour. Because I was at the back at this point, I remember making note that it was a female (based on the genitals) and the creature began to feel weak and was sort of hanging on its knees.

Then I remember being the same size as it; I sort of rolled it over on its back and then it was a (friendly) dog. I was trying to be careful because some of those people were still nearby and now they were tiny. I gave the dog some kind of pill like a tranquillising medicine, without too much resistance; the giant dog began to look a bit out of it and happy. Then there was some kind of interface to choose how to reset or reprogram the creature's behaviour. There were two columns with a few options each.

The dream ended shortly after this.

---

Notes:
- Even only after waking up I thought that the general setting of this dream was very interesting. The sci-fi type city and the scenic landscapes are generally appealing and come to think of it, are both subjects I'd like to be better at portraying artistically.
-- I remember some picturesque sunset views at some point, around the seaside cliff areas.
- This was one of those dreams that felt quite long, where I feel there are many parts of the dream that I did experience but simply could not recall solidly once awake.
- The whole thing with the rebels and the city makes me think of the Hunger Games for some reason, though I don't think I'd rewatched it recently at the time of this dream.
-- I don't remember clearly anymore what was the general emotional state of the rebels and their children when we were in the cave, but my mind says "fear" at the moment; but the way the children were hanging on to me was more playful, in the same way that as when I was a child I might have done when being playful with my parents.
- The nuclear bomb and the shiny effect were probably in part brought on by playing Borderlands 3 and using a character skill that enables miniaturised nuclear warheads to be fired, and in part probably by Fallout and its Fatman too.
- Rolling over the creature (dog at that point) was very akin to my experience of having to give my dog medication, though in this case there was actually more willingness to receive the medication.

5th July 2020

Dream:

I remember being at home with H. We were trying to sleep but couldn't manage for some reason; I remember having slept for an unusually low amount of time in the dream, one or two hours only. On re-writing this entry here, I have a vague memory of seeing the red clock display something very early, maybe around 6AM or so.

We got up and put some shoes on, etc. We went outside, it looked early but not dark, though it wasn't bright either. We had been invited to go to some neighbour's house for a dinner time meal or something. The area outside looks different from how it should. A mix of my home town and the place where me and H live now. There are some leftover and unfinished construction works.

We went down the road and around the corner over on the left side of the street. There was an open bit, like a plaza/square and it had some small concrete storage units of some kind. They had metal doors and H used a key to open one and he put in a gem, looked like a Tiger's Eye.

But the top of the unit was smashed and rubble was visible inside from the top. This apparently didn't bother H at all but I asked him about it. I think H wasn't understanding my point and I eventually dropped the subject as we walked away. Before we went to the next place(?), H needed to have a wee or something; so he was going to walk over to the commercial estate across the way from our street/home, but it looked like a different commercial estate that I know of in the area. ^{(Note to self, refer to original entry)}

I think I wondered why not just go home since it was closer anyway. But I think H was going to do something else while there. So then I decided to wait outside this neighbour's house that I thought we were going to. I thought of knocking, but felt afraid of getting it wrong, so I didn't. I remember having passing thoughts about my boots, about how I should probably take them off as soon as we got in, so I wouldn't catch any of their stuff or furniture with my feet.

I walked back to the end of our street. For some reason at that point, I took codeine. I don't remember where I got it from, my pockets? I remember then looking towards the shops area. There were people about but not many. I didn't want to stare at them for some reason so instead I just looked up at the sky just above. Cloudy, excessively blue-ish, dim. But all of a sudden I could see clouds moving very fast in our general direction. I thought this to be strange and looked away for a while and then when I looked back it had stopped.

In the dream I attributed that as some hallucinatory effect of the dream-codeine I took. Eventually I could see H in the distance, coming back. H now had a short and bright red impermeable coat with a hood. Not unlike red riding hood but more modern, and less feminine/more unisex in appearance.

---

Notes:
- Like in another dream I recently caught up on, again, if I had this dream now and had taken codeine in a dream, this could now be a big alert that something was off, since at the moment I know that I must absolutely not take any codeine since it could be dangerous for me to do at present.
- Re-writing this dream entry here only a bit over a month since the dream, I still have quite decent memory of the visuals.
- In the dream, it was foolish of me to simply disregard the odd sky/cloud events as being a hallucination; that in itself should have been enough of cue for a RC.
-- Likewise, looking away and back and having seen such a massive change should have been a good cue ordinarily.

1st July 2020

Fragment:

Long dream but recall up to this point was poor. About halfway in, I was going through a busy-ish city centre with some other dream character walking along with me.

Then a very obvious dream sign appeared, a tall woman in labcoat, walking away in a different direction, possibly wearing nothing else. She had flat and very black hair, reminding me of one of my cousin's hair or come to think of it, a sort of Cleopatra hairstyle?

I recognised the dream sign and checked the fingers on my right hand, but for some reason I didn't realise I was dreaming and I didn't make further checks. Something about my fingers seemed distorted but the number was correct. I didn't remember to do any physics checks oddly and I think I was also distracted by whatever my previous dream objective was.

Later I either had a micro awakening or another pre-lucid moment during which I automatically reflected on what had happened and how I'd been unable to realise I was dreaming, but again not realising this irony.

(Missing recall)

Different part of the dream. I was somewhere kind of dark. Some dream character was showing me something? Then some of this characters pet spiders appeared on the ground out of nowhere, individually one after another, there were only a few though. But for some reason in the dream I let my phobia sort of return and take a small hold of me, mostly because of the first spider. It was a black and yellow/gold patterned orb weaver, about the size of a large hand. Even in my temporarily panicked state I realised that it seemed more afraid of me, but I couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

(Missing transition)

Another part of the dream sequence where I was at some modern-ish looking house. I was not myself, but a character for the dream plot. I was some kind of elemental creature but I don't recall any details of my form or appearance. There were four other humanoid creatures of similar elemental nature. There was an absent character that had created us and one of the other creatures had been created right in front of me. She appeared in a cloud of white smoke within a glass room, which I was standing outside of. The glass enclosing this "room" made it more like a container or cell of sorts really.

---

Notes:

- This dream was a particularly good pre-cursor to the lucidity I had later on (4th August).
-- At this point I had been becoming more diligent with my reality checks but not quite so much just yet. Currently at the time of writing (13th August) I am far more diligent with my RCing though there are still situations under which I should be checking but still am not quite so often.

- My primary issue with my RC was really the fact that I gave up on the first try but this was made much worse by the fact that the dream itself caused distraction from my RC procedure, something that I'm a bit more careful.

- The bit with the spiders was somewhat unusual in that I haven't been letting this affect me at all in waking life but it may have been around the time when I've seen bigger ones around the house more recently.
- This was the first dream with spiders for quite some time now, I think.

27th June 2020

Fragment:

Long dream but details faded. Remember being in the mountains, by myself. It was a sort of twilight hour. I remember looking under what was a false boulder and there was money under there, a few thousand euros and pounds. There was a message saying I was to take as much as I wanted.

I stuffed it all in my shorts pockets.

Then I remember thinking about going back home or something, I felt like I was lost in an unknown country. I arrived at a hotel place of some sorts and H was there in the role of a generic servant or something.

(Transition/recall gap.)

In some kind of big store. There's only a few people around, it's day time and not much artificial lighting is needed in here as it seems to be adequately lit naturally. Then this group of guys comes in and they are a bit stocky, not fat though. They are going to rob a vault at the store. They do so and there isn't much fuss about it, apart from the odd scream from a woman. I hear them talking or something and they managed to steal 6.2 billion.

I think about how much money that is, and how it looks so small physically, as they only carried a few sacks of notes between them. I remember maybe being in the car with them and talking about their robbed loot.

---

Notes:

- Although I remember having this dream since it wasn't that long ago, none of the visual recall seems to be coming back really, so in that sense I can't consider it very memorable at this time.
- I remember there was a fair bit of dialogue in this dream, but this is typically amongst my most easily lost details.