lunagoddess

It’s the day of our show and we don’t know any of the dances or choreography we’re doing. We try to quickly come up with things and remember them during the short rehearsal. I’m not feeling confident enough to do my solo because I haven’t been practicing enough. I wish I would have practiced more. I consider doing my dance without the sword. We’re told that the solo winner will perform in NY. My instructor is really worried that our dances will be too similar, she really doesn’t want them to similar. She tastes each of our cakes like the Great British Baking Show and seems to like mine a little better, although neither are perfect. I wonder why Cleo decided to use savory focaccia to make her cake? I try to find space to practice and use the windows outside, then I see a large mirror. But the mirror is magnified and the sword I’m using is the wrong type and will not balance. D tries to give me advice. I look for Cleo and see her in the distance sitting on the face of a random but attractive, tan guy. I continue to go on a walk. She approaches me eventually when I’m in some type of curved outdoor corrido. I tell her I’ve been looking for her. I don’t remember what she says. Later I tell D about what I saw and that the guy didn’t look like her boyfriend. D then does it to me.

I remember something about being at my house and the neighbors are walking outside. They say hi to me. They seem to be preparing for a camping or fishing trip with friends who brought large coolers. They’re walking around right outside our windows. I feel as though I’m naked or exposed somehow. I feel like D and I had sex at some point. I also see their kitten and hold it.

MONDAY 2/4
+The next time write anything down - Success at first, forgot in the later part of the day
The next time feel pain - Not technically a success, but I did get a few times
The next time I hear someone say my name
+The next time I drink something - Success for the first part of the day

It’s 10:00 am and I am just writing my dreams from last night. Let’s see how much I can remember.

The most vivid memory is that of godzilla. He is grotesque and large. I can hardly believe a creature like that exists in our world. He is in a swampy area and steps on an alligator or crocodile which crushes instantly like it was some vulnerable, weak little animal. He’s kinda like something from a scary movie and oddly humanoid with shark like teeth full of blood and filth. He growls as he forages the swamp, causing destruction. He seems a little dumb and unnecessarily violent.

I remember A.W.D.R saying something and I responded to her, then she told me that she wasn’t talking to me. I said something like “Alrighty then, excuuse me.” I wasn’t offended and actually thought it was a little funny. But still, what a bitch.

I am on a different island looking down at an outdoor stadium that has bleachers coordinated in rows of pastels. Pink, purple, and yellow. The bleachers are kind of flat so the stadium looks more like some kind of concrete valley. It's located right next to a strip mall. I notice Ke.H. there bragging about her ancestry with her cousins. She went to Maui last time, I wonder when she’ll come to my town. I hope she doesn’t want to stay with me. I can offer to show her around but I don’t really want to. I’m sure she’ll find family there, too. I am staring at her and overhear her saying “Do you want to know what makes my car so Hawaiian?” I laugh to myself thinking that if she asked me that I would say, “No. I really don’t.” but then I start to wonder if I would have the courage to say that to her face. I might just say “sure” to humor her and give a little smile at whatever she said next. Although I’d really want to say the former. I’m driving away at this point down a slow going highway lined with trees.


**In other news, I am going to try a 30 day DJ challenge. I have been slacking on my journaling and have been feeling too lazy to do it upon awakening, even though I really want to do it deep down. So my plan is to post them on here to give me some form of accountability and extra structure. I'll also be posting my results for Stephen Laberge's prospective memory challenge.

I watched a girl ride a very fast and large rollercoaster. Sometimes I was her. A lot of people were watching. The ride went forwards and backwards but she wasn't scared. Alicia texted me pictures of belly dance costumes that she was thinking about getting. I was annoyed.

I am pregnant and going into labor. I am at a hospital and they start preparing me. They do a small procedure and give me a little wand thing. If I need to call for the nurse I’m supposed to put that on my privates and press a button. I try and it shocks me so I scream. I’m still slightly sedated. A dream friend takes me to the hospital on a small watercraft. It’s night time but I see a whale jump in the distance. I tell her and she says “Isn’t this such a cool place?” We get to the shore where T.A. and some of his friends lead the way to the hospital. One friend is racist and keeps trying to instigate fights. He asks me if I ever dislike or make fun of his people just because. I tell him no. T.A. tells him to stop. We arrive at the west side hospital where a lot of people are there to meet me. I see Beyonce and she does not look perfect like the media presents her, she looks very disappointing with a belly, uneven complexion, and hooked nose. There’s a little girl eating ice cream. Her pupils are dilated and she looks dazed. I tell her that if she eats too much ice cream she has to go home because labor hurts really bad and I can’t have her around me if she has a sugar high. Lani NS and Kristy S. are there. The hospital looks different than I remember. I check in at the nurses station. It's one of the L&D nurses from D's work who remembers me. From the lobby I hear that racist guy getting into a fight with Lani who wrote a book that he found offensive. I’m not sure where my room is because my name is on the board for all floors. I check each floor just in case. I end up wandering into the waiting room and asking if the hospital has been renovated because it looks different than I remember. They say it has. I’m relieved, I like it better this way. I squeeze past some nurses giving report and end up getting lost near a file room and engine room. People with badges help me out. There are so many men in the hallway. I’m not in any pain right now. The clock says 6. I know that my labor is going to be one of the very long ones; perhaps 12, 24, or even 48 hours. It makes me nervous. I get back to my room and start panicking. How did this happen? How is this real life? This wasn’t planned. Why did I ever think this was a good idea to go through with? I have a vague memory of telling my husband that I felt like I needed to keep the baby and he told me that I was responsible for it completely. It’s too late to do anything about it now. I’m so scared of motherhood and of the pain of labor. I’m not allowed to have an epidural. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. I have a dream within a dream of myself walking into my hospital room and seeing me there laying with my new baby and another woman on a large bed straight ahead. It felt ominous and dark. The dream ended and I called my husband. I could hear him approaching the room so I hung up. He was irritated that I tried to call him, he’s clearly nervous as well. His eyebrows looks different, smaller, shaped, and lighter. He brings me a coin bra that I admire. I ask if it’s for me, he says yes, and I light up. Kristy comes in and they start talking in another language that they learned in the military. Kirsty has improved her skills at it. It goes on for a long time and they are acting quite flirty with each other.