non-lucid

It’s the day of our show and we don’t know any of the dances or choreography we’re doing. We try to quickly come up with things and remember them during the short rehearsal. I’m not feeling confident enough to do my solo because I haven’t been practicing enough. I wish I would have practiced more. I consider doing my dance without the sword. We’re told that the solo winner will perform in NY. My instructor is really worried that our dances will be too similar, she really doesn’t want them to similar. She tastes each of our cakes like the Great British Baking Show and seems to like mine a little better, although neither are perfect. I wonder why Cleo decided to use savory focaccia to make her cake? I try to find space to practice and use the windows outside, then I see a large mirror. But the mirror is magnified and the sword I’m using is the wrong type and will not balance. D tries to give me advice. I look for Cleo and see her in the distance sitting on the face of a random but attractive, tan guy. I continue to go on a walk. She approaches me eventually when I’m in some type of curved outdoor corrido. I tell her I’ve been looking for her. I don’t remember what she says. Later I tell D about what I saw and that the guy didn’t look like her boyfriend. D then does it to me.

I remember something about being at my house and the neighbors are walking outside. They say hi to me. They seem to be preparing for a camping or fishing trip with friends who brought large coolers. They’re walking around right outside our windows. I feel as though I’m naked or exposed somehow. I feel like D and I had sex at some point. I also see their kitten and hold it.

MONDAY 2/4
+The next time write anything down - Success at first, forgot in the later part of the day
The next time feel pain - Not technically a success, but I did get a few times
The next time I hear someone say my name
+The next time I drink something - Success for the first part of the day

It’s 10:00 am and I am just writing my dreams from last night. Let’s see how much I can remember.

The most vivid memory is that of godzilla. He is grotesque and large. I can hardly believe a creature like that exists in our world. He is in a swampy area and steps on an alligator or crocodile which crushes instantly like it was some vulnerable, weak little animal. He’s kinda like something from a scary movie and oddly humanoid with shark like teeth full of blood and filth. He growls as he forages the swamp, causing destruction. He seems a little dumb and unnecessarily violent.

I remember A.W.D.R saying something and I responded to her, then she told me that she wasn’t talking to me. I said something like “Alrighty then, excuuse me.” I wasn’t offended and actually thought it was a little funny. But still, what a bitch.

I am on a different island looking down at an outdoor stadium that has bleachers coordinated in rows of pastels. Pink, purple, and yellow. The bleachers are kind of flat so the stadium looks more like some kind of concrete valley. It's located right next to a strip mall. I notice Ke.H. there bragging about her ancestry with her cousins. She went to Maui last time, I wonder when she’ll come to my town. I hope she doesn’t want to stay with me. I can offer to show her around but I don’t really want to. I’m sure she’ll find family there, too. I am staring at her and overhear her saying “Do you want to know what makes my car so Hawaiian?” I laugh to myself thinking that if she asked me that I would say, “No. I really don’t.” but then I start to wonder if I would have the courage to say that to her face. I might just say “sure” to humor her and give a little smile at whatever she said next. Although I’d really want to say the former. I’m driving away at this point down a slow going highway lined with trees.


**In other news, I am going to try a 30 day DJ challenge. I have been slacking on my journaling and have been feeling too lazy to do it upon awakening, even though I really want to do it deep down. So my plan is to post them on here to give me some form of accountability and extra structure. I'll also be posting my results for Stephen Laberge's prospective memory challenge.

I watched a girl ride a very fast and large rollercoaster. Sometimes I was her. A lot of people were watching. The ride went forwards and backwards but she wasn't scared. Alicia texted me pictures of belly dance costumes that she was thinking about getting. I was annoyed.

I am pregnant and going into labor. I am at a hospital and they start preparing me. They do a small procedure and give me a little wand thing. If I need to call for the nurse I’m supposed to put that on my privates and press a button. I try and it shocks me so I scream. I’m still slightly sedated. A dream friend takes me to the hospital on a small watercraft. It’s night time but I see a whale jump in the distance. I tell her and she says “Isn’t this such a cool place?” We get to the shore where T.A. and some of his friends lead the way to the hospital. One friend is racist and keeps trying to instigate fights. He asks me if I ever dislike or make fun of his people just because. I tell him no. T.A. tells him to stop. We arrive at the west side hospital where a lot of people are there to meet me. I see Beyonce and she does not look perfect like the media presents her, she looks very disappointing with a belly, uneven complexion, and hooked nose. There’s a little girl eating ice cream. Her pupils are dilated and she looks dazed. I tell her that if she eats too much ice cream she has to go home because labor hurts really bad and I can’t have her around me if she has a sugar high. Lani NS and Kristy S. are there. The hospital looks different than I remember. I check in at the nurses station. It's one of the L&D nurses from D's work who remembers me. From the lobby I hear that racist guy getting into a fight with Lani who wrote a book that he found offensive. I’m not sure where my room is because my name is on the board for all floors. I check each floor just in case. I end up wandering into the waiting room and asking if the hospital has been renovated because it looks different than I remember. They say it has. I’m relieved, I like it better this way. I squeeze past some nurses giving report and end up getting lost near a file room and engine room. People with badges help me out. There are so many men in the hallway. I’m not in any pain right now. The clock says 6. I know that my labor is going to be one of the very long ones; perhaps 12, 24, or even 48 hours. It makes me nervous. I get back to my room and start panicking. How did this happen? How is this real life? This wasn’t planned. Why did I ever think this was a good idea to go through with? I have a vague memory of telling my husband that I felt like I needed to keep the baby and he told me that I was responsible for it completely. It’s too late to do anything about it now. I’m so scared of motherhood and of the pain of labor. I’m not allowed to have an epidural. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. I have a dream within a dream of myself walking into my hospital room and seeing me there laying with my new baby and another woman on a large bed straight ahead. It felt ominous and dark. The dream ended and I called my husband. I could hear him approaching the room so I hung up. He was irritated that I tried to call him, he’s clearly nervous as well. His eyebrows looks different, smaller, shaped, and lighter. He brings me a coin bra that I admire. I ask if it’s for me, he says yes, and I light up. Kristy comes in and they start talking in another language that they learned in the military. Kirsty has improved her skills at it. It goes on for a long time and they are acting quite flirty with each other.

Almost the whole dream is NSFW so I'm not putting it in spoilers. I don't know why I met someone from Craigslist, I've never done that in real life so don't judge me.

Trying to escape or conquer a villain. We’re walking along a crosswalk. I see people from SDS having a picnic outside. One girl at a picnic table brings out some cobbler dishes and nobody is eating them. Around some bushes, Nancy likes to be massaged on the wires beneath a ziplock tupperware rim. She said A.W. is really good at it. On the other side of the street is a bar or something. Inside I’m not sure if I’m me or the guy I’m with, but he/I say that he’s/I’m materialistic and need to hang out with the muscular guys. On the second or third story we find a group of men sitting and watching porn. Now I’m me. We join and he orders me sit next to him in front of the window (something to do with luring the villain or an escape plan). He starts getting turned on and can’t sit still or quiet. He actually ejaculates inside his jeans after only a few minutes. I wonder if he’s gay. I invite some guy over from Craigslist. He thinks I’m a man and is planning on having gay sex with me. I don’t remember what my intention is. He’s rubbing on me and is getting turned on. He looks rather large. He is kneeling over me and I can see it in his jeans, then he lays next to me and takes it out. We’re in my current bedroom. I get up to find a condom and see that there are villainous people outside looking in at him through the window and laughing. I worry that they’re going to find me so I crawl beneath the window. I search for condoms but all I see are medium sizes and unlabeled ones. I’m worried they’re all too old. I go back out and he starts feeling underneath my panties. I’m certain he’ll lose interest soon. He tells me I have a nice penis and I tell him, “What an odd thing to say.”. He starts rubbing me and I'm quite wet. He seems even more turned on now, to my surprise. His sexuality and motive confuses me. Suddenly I feel dirty and uncomfortable and I’m worried about the bad guys so I tell him I have to leave. My family is packing up to move away from the danger and are upset that we decided to recently paint a room and wasted valuable escape time on it. The rest of the house is mom’s. On some of the light wood in the living room there were pen writings of all our names, like a teen girl would do. I search for a rag to help A.C. clean it up so we don't leave any trace of us behind. The guy starts following me around and I tell him he needs to leave. He says that if I don't have sex with him he will complain to Craigslist and I’ll have to pay him for false advertising. I’m in the laundry room and I remind him that the ad and the rendevouz were advertised as free, it’s not like he was paying me so I don't owe him any compensation. If anything, he should be paying me. I get an old surgical rag and go back upstairs. He’s starting to get violent and scary. I tell him “You need to get out right now or I’m calling the police.” He doesn’t immediately start leaving so I pick up the phone on the wall and call 911. I tell the lady on the other end that there’s a man in my house who is being sexually violent and he won’t leave. I circle around the wall island to get away from him. She said it appears he already cut the contact from my other phones so I couldn’t call for help. I am shocked and repeat what she says for everyone to hear. Then he pulls the phone jack from the wall piece and I lose connection. He gets scared and leaves. I call 911 back but accidentally push an extra 1, it rings a few times then connects me to a business. I hang up and dial 911 again, immediately the same lady answers. I tell her it’s me again and she recognizes my voice. I tell her that he left but I’m scared and feel unsafe and don’t know what to do next. “He knows where I live now and I can totally imagine him breaking through the windows to rape and punish me.”
At one point during all of this I was out in the desert with D, I was feeling anxious and something was impending. I trusted my intuition.

Me and someone else sneak out of a bad situation through the woods. We lie about where we were going and we zig-zag through the forest. There is a thin layer of old snow on the ground and everyone is barefoot. I wonder if it is cold but figure the sun is shining warm enough. We went through someone’s yard that was full of cacti and flowers. We ended up squatting in Donald Trump’s house. Me and my girlfriend lived there a few days. Then I started getting increasingly uneasy. We could hear Trump’s voice from a few floors down and I kept urging my friend to keep quiet, which upset her. She thought I was denying her friendship, I just wanted both of us to stay alive. That night she was telling me her life story and I was falling asleep when someone came and checked on the room. We hid between the bed and the wall. As I lay there I started falling asleep uncontrollably. After they left we heard housekeepers vacuuming and I knew it was only a matter of time before we got caught. I was terrified of getting caught. I understood in a way that this is a dream and if we get caught it will become a nightmare. What if I never wake up from it? I make the decision that we have to leave. I grabbed my stuff (some clothes, my phone, and laptop) and propelled out the window and down the building. The housekeeper yelled something sarcastic out at us as we left like “goodbye visitors”. We went to a little shack building right next door. I had to go back to the room for something and when I came back down an elk met me and spoke with me telepathically. He was basically like Oberon. We washed his slobber off of our hands in the snow then He guided me to cave where there were a couple more animals I could talk to and some kind of magic man. He kept changing to look like Jon Snow and he was scaring my friend. In the night I fled and was followed by two men who obviously knew how to fight. One of them was B. I went under a building and we were basically sparring on monkey bars. I told B, "I’m sorry but I’m going to have to kill you to protect myself." He laughed and then turned on the lights to show me that it was a training session and they had built this jungle gym in my favor. Eventually I drove back to see my friend. I asked A.W if she knew where the shack was moved to and she said it was the street after hers. I went and there were lots of similar looking shacks but the one I was looking for was first in line. It’s address had the number 30 or 03 in it. I went in and my friend was living with a man and working for Trump. I was disappointed.

+I find out I died when I was an infant and came back to life a few hours later. I told my sister and asked my mom about it. D and I were skiing and snowboarding on very icy snow. I couldn’t wait to be done because it wasn’t good conditions. Erica met me at the bottom. She accidentally dropped and broke a wooden box of mine. I didn’t care, one less thing to have to pack back home. She ended up dying and I was upset. I kept trying to sneak into some compound and so was another girl. There are nerds keeping lookout and they spot me so I lock myself in the bathroom. There are towel rods along the walls and a window at the very top of the room so I climb up. I bide my time up there because there are housekeepers outside of the window. I wait for them to leave but the towel rod I’m holding myself up on is starting to come out of the wall. Eventually I just jump through the window and they spot me. I find out Brooks is dying and I sob about it and hug her. I’m told I have ovarian or uterine cancer and that also makes me emotional. So much death.

+D is in the military and I’m with him. We’re in a tank and I try to convince to break the rules with me and do something fun. He refuses. His comrade is staring at me and eavesdropping. I pretend not to notice. There’s a little girl I really like and we give her fireworks, which she loves. She also has a parade of large cats. I’m watching a video about a woman having to wait in line to vote and she starts belly dancing to the rhythm of the politician’s lies. She's very good. The politicians try to convince us they don’t make that much money. I riot breaks out against Hilary Clinton becoming president. It’s really large. But the police come in and break it up, driving through with giant tanks that are so tall I can’t see past the wheels. Everybody is really upset. I’m in my gma’s living room trying to tell my family about it. I get really emotional and can’t open my eyes because I’m crying. I tell everyone who will listen that we are not a free country at all. We’re being controlled and sedated through the mass media and militant power of the state. It really upsets me because I’m able to see clearly in my mind how our country could be better: a place where everyone is working together on the same level. How can we say that we live in a free country if we can’t even stand in the street to advocate for change that the collective society desires? Someone posts how angry they are about it on Facebook. Trish gives me a sequined purse pinata. It has essential oils and it’s made to be hit to let out anger. In the middle of the night I escape under a bridge to do gardening. All the soil in my succulent pot disappeared and the leaves on my peace lily are very brown. I’m confused because they weren’t this way yesterday. D catches me having snuck out and tells me to be careful outside at night. I go to get food and have to walk behind this big guy who is attracted to me. He lets me go ahead of him and gives me a shirt to change into, which I do. I order tacos and they ask if I want cayenne pepper on it. I say yes and he recommends a certain kind of sauce, so I tell them to do half sauce and half cayenne. The worker takes a bite of the saucy taco and loves it.

Went hiking with D and a few other people. It’s a hike I recognized, wooden trail spiraling up to a platform. The wood is new. There are black labs who are scared to walk on the planks. Work keeps calling D, telling him there’s an emergency he needs to deal with but there’s nothing he can do since he's so far away. We head back down and the guy we’re with says we have to rope swing across the lake. He says it’s crucial we don’t touch the water more than necessary because ‘we would not believe what was growing in there’. I was completely confused, I don’t remember having to do this on the way up. Plus, I’m not wet and I would be if we had done this. I also am carrying a pillow that’s completely dry. I ask someone, “What did I do with this pillow last time to keep it dry?” They told me to fold it up and put it in my shirt, so I did. The guy went first and didn’t make it far before he went head first into the water. We scoffed, “so much for not touching the water.” D went second and swung out to hip height and waded to the other side. I decided to angle my swing to the left toward the land, so I got minimally wet. When I got to the other side, everyone started getting concerned because the first guy had not come up yet. D was annoyed that he was going to have to dive in and search for him, but then the other lady managed to pull him out. I was in a room and couldn’t see what was happening but D started gagging, telling me that the guy was covered in unsightly mud and disgusting debris. He was unconscious so D delegated to me to get the first aid kit. There wasn’t much in there besides IV equipment so I grabbed what I could. D wanted a 1” IV tape but I explained to him that the only reason I was able to take the 1/2” tape from the hospital is because nobody likes to use it, so that’s all we had. People start performing CPR and I leave the room to help. It’s a very disturbing sight, indeed. He looks deformed. He’s blue, has a swollen and bulging neck, and they had to cut off his fingers and toes - leaving strings of rotting flesh in place of his fingers. Someone holds him while people perform CPR. I take my turn at compressions and then he starts talking. D explains to him that he probably broke his neck. I asses his body and it’s full of gnarly wounds. They had all been exposed to bacteria. D is now at risk for catching the life threatening bacteria since he handled this guy’s blood. He’s irritated about it. I go home and have to retell the story to Mike and sob while I do. Mom says she thinks it’s her karma from frequently passing out in front of people. The girl we were with, Sarah, posts about it on DV and I comment about how painful and traumatizing it is to read and remember.

Driving down a winding road in a truck with some packages. Coming at me is a very large, brown, prehistoric looking spider. It’s in an 8 shape and the legs are on the front and back of its body, not the sides. It freaks me out so I swat at it but it won’t die. I learn that it’s called the Amazon spider (as in amazon.com) and hangs out in their warehouse. I get home (more like my mom’s house) and there’s a party. Donald Trump is there. I put on my shoes because I’m bored and decide to go outside to take a selfie with a giant crashed government airplane before they move it. Donald Trump bends down and starts tying my shoes for me. “Oh thank you. Could I get a picture with you?” He agrees and then hesitates. “Why do you want a picture with me? You’re only here to make fun of me.” “That’s not true! I live here. My room is right there!” I point. Really, I just wanted to share with friends and family that Donald Trump tied my shoes, because nobody would believe me otherwise. D comes just as things start falling apart. We hear that there is any army invading the other part of town and civilization starts to collapse. D has things to take care of in the house and someone asks me if I could help find certain seeds and I agree. I go to the other side of town and basically just follow this scientist around, holding items that they need to salvage before all hell breaks loose. We go into the back room of some industrial building and grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a toothbrush. I have to connect something to the tip of the toothbrush but I can’t because I’m shaking so bad. The political situation is worsening very quickly and I start becoming extremely upset that D and I separated. If he died while I’m gone I will never forgive myself. I would rather die with him than live without him. When we leave the room we find the building is on lockdown. All the offices are empty with the lights turned off but we hear men shouting orders in the other rooms. We quietly move through one room and hide behind a desk, looking through the glass of the door. I didn’t feel safe there and wished we were a few desks or even another room back, but we needed to see what was happening. One of the girls in the room ahead of us dropped a blue pencil and I knew that meant it was the daughter of my scientist friend. She was upset and went to save her daughter. By doing that, we learned that the invading army was a benevolent force and all of our families were safe. I was so relieved to see my husband’s face (but it wasn’t really his face). Everybody started cleaning up after all the chaos but D and I went to the gym and went swimming. I was practicing my dive, which required me to fatigue my deltoids by hanging on to the pool ladder before diving. I dove in, hit the bottom, and sprung back up in only a matter of seconds. A man said, “That was a great dive, sweetie!” D and I left to look for food. We wanted Mexican food but the best place in town was closed, so we looked around. We went to a hotel and someone we knew handed us some of our items (like area rugs) from the “drill” earlier but we just left them there.

+In a large house for part of what feels like a movie trailer. A girl says, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think this was a dream!” So I did the nose pinch RC and I could breathe 3 times. I was surprised because I really thought I was awake, but I realized I must be dreaming. I set out to find some people to play spin the bottle with for the TOTM. Somehow I ended up in a small storage closet area with my husband and some random guy. I invited them to play the spin the bottle and we just magically had a bottle. There wasn’t enough room for us to place the bottle so it was on an uneven surface and hitting our feet. I spun it but my husband’s phone rang, which he answered, and the other guy lost interest. I tried! I should have stabilized better.
+I got a job in a fish market/butcher/factory place. I end up falling in love with the man training me. Sometimes he looks like Ragnar Lothbrok and sometimes he looks and acts like my husband, very affectionate and loving. Supposedly I look like his ex-wife, Siggy. At different points I do his laundry, climb trees, text, and search the first aid room for alcohol to clean up the fish smell. One day I go into the room where he’s sorting fish and try to help him. He doesn’t want help. He’s depressed because he really wants to be a chef. He wants to show people his broth soup. I tell him I love soup and he should bring some for me to try. It makes him happy. In a meeting there’s a proud coworker who likes to be the best at everything and likes to do it all himself. I volunteer for all the odd jobs during the meeting to peeve him and my lover and I get a good laugh out of it. There’s lots of controversy surrounding our relationship, which is becoming more and more apparent to everyone. I’m the only woman working in that place and everyone, including my beau, are concerned it will just turn into a fling and I will be hurt in the end. I think about getting a different job since this job is far from where I live (they recently moved the factory to Kilauea). But the only other option is selling blow-up mattresses. I used divination to examine it closer and the results were: Screw, nail, nail (x3). Somehow it means that it would be wise to be in a place away from children and that in the end I’ve found my match and it will help me develop the personality traits I need to be successful in this life. In the back of my mind I was worried that meant my husband and I had to divorce, that we weren’t meant to be. My older sister was jealous.
+My mom was hanging out with Sadie, who was larger and had a huge bump on her head. My mom showed me this chocolate fountain thing she made. At one point she said, “don’t even think about it.” and I said, “I’ll think about whatever I want.”

+I remembered a lot of details when I woke up, but it feels impossible to write out at 3 am. So here's what's left: I was watching Long Lost Family and there's a story about a man who was looking for his twin sister and turns out, he's been married to her! It shows a photo and I realize I have that photo hanging up in my office. I realize that it's my paternal grandmother's brother. Even after they found out, they didn't separate and they continued to have kids. They were madly in love. I wondered if it had anything to do with the concept of genetic sexual attraction I've heard about in adoption cases.

+I'm sick and I'm stuck inside a basement room. I'm staying with P.P. but she up and leaves abruptly. I ask what she wants me to do with all her stuff and she doesn't seem to care, but we agree to meet up again and take care of it. I get a message on t.v. that L.S. is thinking of moving back to Florida. She sends videos of herself hiking on the mountainous freeway in Washington in the snow. I see a semi truck coming at her and think, "That's just like my dream last night!". I hope she hasn't left yet so we can get together first. I call someone and complain to them I'm sick, my roommate left, and another one of my friends is thinking of moving away. They pick me up and I insist that mangos will make me feel better. An ice cream shop guy gives me a scoop of green ice cream that is very bland and clearly not mango. He makes me eat it from my hand. There were a lot of guards by the door on our way out. They drop me off at a grocery store and a man in a truck cat calls me so I ignore him. As I shop I notice him following me. I try to evade him. A man asks for advice on milk and is very grateful for what I have to say. After he leaves I find him again to make sure he intended to buy chocolate milk and not regular. He did. Somehow I get back to my real bedroom and my hands are asleep. I start crying and my husband tells me he's not going to try and have sex with me because I can tell I've been through a lot.

+Traveling with DB. We go to a snowy mountain where A and I snowboard without a snowboard, just our feet. I clipped her heel and we both fell. The snow was really strange, like artificial with the consistency of dried shaving cream. I asked about it but nobody could explain it. We got on a plane and flew over California. You could see from the plane that California extended out over the water beyond the rest of the western states. The plane detoured and took us to a hotel we all had to stay the night at. I was extremely upset. I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to stay at this weird hotel with all these people. A immediately called dibs on room 333 and that just upset me even more. She knows that's the room I want. I settle for 345 because it's on the top floor and an end, so it'll be quiet. It's a bright yellow hotel.

(Titled so because all of the pets I dreamt of are dead in real life, the dolphins looked like zombies, and the snake was literally a zombie)

+Sadie keeps trying to curl up next to me on the bed and I encourage her. I am dating T.H from high school. His druggie dad just got out of prison and is coming to visit all his children and their mothers. There are countless women and children. T is excited to see his brother. They keep sending me all these pictures and group texts with inside jokes that I don’t understand. They all send pictures of the tops of their heads and joke about how short they are. They also joke about being gay brothers. His dad drives in in a semi-truck that says “no hard drugs” written on the side. He’s happily greeted by a chubby, middle aged woman who curled her highlighted hair. I go inside and stress about food. I bought so many vegetables but my mom doesn’t know the hours she’s working this week. I don’t want the food to go bad. I decide I’m going to make stirfry for T and his brother. I’ll add green onions to it. I feel happy cooking for them. I start sweeping and the storage room is absolutely dirty. How did it get so dirty? There’s enough hair to make a wig. And then I see a dead snake. T’s dad has an obsession with snakes. It’s dead so I sweep it up. I sweep some of the dirt out of the front door. I’m naked and think nobody’s outside but still try and hide behind the wall. As I close the door I see a lot of people outside and wonder if they saw me naked. Oh well, despite feeling embarrassed I’ll just own it. If they ask, I’ll tell them the truth, that I like being naked. Michael is giving me a hard time as I’m trying to sweep up the extra room. I grab a swiffer pad to collect the snake and dirt but my mom tells me not to pick it up. I tell her that I can’t just leave it there. I go to grab it and feel something sharp on my finger. I look at the snake’s mouth is now stuck in an open position and it has a lot of little sharp teeth. Then it slowly starts to move. I freak out and leave the room, I tell mom and Alesia and they’re not even that concerned. It leaves the extra room and makes its way to the office, it even does somersaults. I delegate to my sister to call 911 and to my mom to call animal control while I keep an eye on the snake so we don’t lose it. But my mom refuses because she doesn’t feel like it. So I grab the phone but have a hard time finding animal control’s number. 911 tells my sister she has to call animal control for help. Heidi dog gets around the snake while it’s coiled behind the office door. They both get defensive and Heidi swats at it. That agitates the snake which starts posturing at my mom, right next to Heidi. I can see it’s going to strike so I move to swat it away from her. As I do that, it latches onto my left pointer finger. I can feel it inject its venom multiple times. I feel the pain and pressure symmetrically in my opposite pointer finger. I start to feel pressure in my head and manage to squeak out “Help me” before I pass out and wake up for real. I felt weak upon awakening.

+At some hospital, hotel thing. It’s night and I’m trying to help workers find a submarine outside but I can’t access the back of the building. While trying I end up in nicely renovated bathrooms that are cherry wood and completely private. People shower there after working out. I leave and follow A.B. to the counter to return my towel. Why isn’t my hair wet like hers? Probably because I only washed my body, not my hair. There are a bunch of groups of sorority girls and there’s drama with one of them. I think she’s on drugs and she gets excommunicated for having a messier room than the rest. But in reality, all of them have messy rooms. I go into a black girl’s room and she has a stack of cute bras on her dresser. Cute bras are hot, I need some. Outside there’s a type of dolphin farm. They’re all jumping out of the water. Some look extremely mutated. People fish for these dolphins and then collect the spearfish they’ve eaten from their stomachs. I wonder how there’s even any wild dolphins left with the large amount that I see at this farm thing. It’s sad.

Supplements: Usual
Bedtime: 9:00
Mantras: None
ADA rating: 2
Moon Cycle: Waxing crescent 37%
Nightly Awakenings: Multiple bathroom
WBTB: None
HH: Vibrations and ringing while falling asleep in middle of night
Wake Time: 6:00
Total hours of sleep: 9

I'm trying out a new format for my dream journal. I noticed I was having more lucids when I consistently kept better track of awareness and real life details.

I like a picture on fb by J.D. about having bought a house in Alaska. I think that’s so cool. I end up somehow visiting R.D. there and finding her in the bathroom. I tell her about how great it is and ask if she likes it. She says she liked New York better and Alaska has increased her BP. I tell her, “Isn’t that funny that cities lower your BP and the country increases it?” She agrees. They’re living with J.D's family. I hear an older man’s voice explaining the nature of true, genuine, love very eloquently and poetically. It’s in relation to my soul’s visit to R.D. I can only remember the general message: 'Hopefully by now they’ve realized that love is something that can be dismantled to overcome perceived obstacles and illusory barriers. True love can only present itself as the genuine and undying wish to help a person grow, which can only be done if one can look beyond the illusions and masks and stare deeply into their eyes and their soul.' I became aware that it was a dream voice. Though I was partially awake, the voice kept going. I was in awe that my mind could articulate this message so beautifully and naturally without any hesitation. It flowed so perfectly. D stirred and I immediately got up to write it down, trying to retain all the words I could. I had my hair wrapped in a towel and it was buzzing. I’m surprised my towel stayed on all night. I kept hearing music and kept trying to turn it off. I grabbed my writing dream journal and flipped to the last pages that were creased and were from my last vacation. A.W. had written under a few dreams, “Chloe, GLA somewhere else! We don't want you here!” Referring to a dream character. What’s GLA? She wrote more but I didn’t read it because I had read it before and knew what it said. I wanted to get to writing my dreams before I forgot the message. I checked my phone and had 16 new messages. Then I woke up for real.

Going on vacation. Lani from Wilcox is there and I see she has NZ dollars. She’s staying on a different island than we did and said we need to stay away from each other if we’re both going to visit or else we might keep running into each other. I laughed. On the plane a little girl demands a hot dog. I take her to see her dad, the co-pilot. It requires me to move from first class perpendicular to coach. I have to crawl and she has to watch her head. I had forgotten how cramped coach is, it makes me claustrophobic. She visits her dad who is sitting in the front row and he refuses to buy her a hot dog. When we land the mother and sisters are furious. They want to punish him. They ride on jet ski’s to get people to form a line. At a harbor you can see huge sharks in a huge tank. They’re used to power the cruise ship. Some workers get in the water and I wonder if they’re afraid of the sharks. I get on the cruise ship and it starts going, crashing on really high waves. I think it’s fun. On the lifeboats some workers are hanging out. Some are gay and cuddling. I get selected to be a dancer for the ship’s show. I’m not sure what my role is so I wing it. I’m suspended out to the side of the boat and try not to touch the water so I don’t get attacked by sharks. A professional dancer is there, too, so I try to follow her moves. I can follow a little bit, but still get lost. On downtime she tries to teach me. I see fast forward from third person, my extensive multi-year training. My training sometimes stalls the cruise ship departures.

I check on my cilantro and it’s ready to be cut, but the stems are buried by dirt and I can’t get to them.

Supplements: 1000 Vit.C, 3 collagen, 3 L. Tryptophan, 1 iodine, 100 niacin, 1 DIM
Mantras: NA
ADA rating: 1
Nightly Awakenings: X1 - barely remember it
WBTB: NA
HH: Buzzing before awakening. Loud cling sound while falling asleep
Dream Type: RD - partially aware
Total hours of sleep: 7:45

Driving around a city for some important reason. I was involved but I was also watching what was happening like a show and reading about it in a book simultaneously. Something about a staged riot where a blonde couple I knew were pretending to be religious and they thought it was unfair to be presenting a lie of perfection to everyone else. Something involving older men in a gypsy tent with young girls bellydancing, I’m one of the girls. The next day I drive to the grocery store. I’m only visiting this town. It’s busy and I find a close parking spot but have to walk a long way. I go in and see some plastic jewels to put around the eyes. An older man buys them and his friends laugh at him a little, he has zero shame. I want to buy some but am embarrassed with all the men nearby. I can get them at the store in my hometown but I might forget. I see small boxes of cereal and the brands I ate growing up were now labeled, “legal or not?” I thought it was bizarre. I see some people I know. I check out with only a few items because I told someone, “as I was shopping I realized I had most of the items I was looking for.” It takes forever to check out. When I get to the checker he’s gay and pudgy. He directs me to the card machine and I start to sign my name but accidentally cancel my order and have to start over. He does the rest for me.

Sitting in a grassy lawn with a group of girls. We’re curious what’s going on in a small building covered with vines. We know the boys are in there. It’s a group of celibate, religious boys. An overweight, tall, middle aged woman comes up to us and encourages us to go inside because the men are looking for wives. I say, “well I’m married so I’m not sure that would be appropriate.’ But I go in with the other girls anyway. It looks like my aunt’s old house. One of the guys there we’re familiar with. He’s young with shaggy brown hair and it looks like he’s plucked his eyebrows excessively so they’re a little farther apart than they should be. I sit down and talk with him and he talks a lot. He talks about finding a wife. He says "one can’t be picky unless they want to wake up crying and alone every morning." He talks about his celibacy and there’s a picture of him hanging on the wall. I contemplate that perhaps I would have married him if I was single. He’s not bad, but I seem to have higher standards than him. And could he handle my moods? He continues talking about how the men are supposed to “judge" each other by eavesdropping on their arguments. He gets really angry when they close the door and argue in private. Secretly I can’t help but wonder if these celibate men are having gay sex with each other. An older blonde man like Steve Avery pokes his head through the window to the inside and gets one of the older brunette girls to climb out. I guess they had a secret date.
We’re out sitting on the lawn again in front of an old, abandoned mansion. After talking with that boy I’m contemplating my life and how it is now versus if I had taken the Christian route that I had intended as a child. As I imagine life as a devout Christian, all the colors in the dream start to become dull and almost gray. I have a premonition of a creepy orgy involving all the nearby celibate christians taking place in the mansion. All of them have demonized faces and are making eye contact with me. It made me really uncomfortable. The premonition faded and the colors were still dull. Yet I saw a red flower come back to life and regain vibrancy, but the wind blew it away. I desperately chased after it and caught it. I went into the mansion and talked with one of the older men. Once I got inside I knew it was the beginning of my premonition. I decided to leave and he wasn’t letting me out. I screamed for help and finally someone saw us, so the man let me go. Everyone had left the yard and the person who saw us told us we needed to hurry and run. The sky had turned dark gray. I wasn’t sure what was happening but we ran. When we got to the neighboring yard the grass was replaced with dark, brown water. We had to swim and it hurt my ears. Once we got to the house they let us in. The host was a very rich young lady from the 1800s.

Having dinner with my entire family, all sides. I’m eating lamb and made jalapeño butter to go with it. A guy says his meat is too tough. I offer him some of my lamb and he doesn’t want it. In the kitchen the cabinets remind me of my dad’s house. Except some are fucked up and won’t close or have cutouts in weird shapes to be able to close. I test alexia’s allergies afterward and they’re moderate-high. That means she’s allergic to the either the peanut butter or the shrimp.

Someone tells me that my dreams are weird and f*cked up and that must mean I’m f*cked up. I argue about that, suggesting that perhaps it means I’m even less f*cked up.

Competition Night 3 highlights

I'm getting myself chicken breasts during a sermon of some new prophet. I yell out a disagreement or a challenge and he comes to confront me. We start arguing and I ask him, "why don't you just ask god to give you $600-1,000 dollars or a new t.v." (it had something to do with what we were arguing about). "It doesn't work that way." He responded. I replied, "I didn't think so. Is your line even plugged in?" I tugged on a white cord that was for some reason a very important part of the prophesies. I looked and it was mostly out of the socket. He looks speechless and defeated. I said, "Look, I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on religion.." I can't remember how I finished that sentence. Then I hear "Stand down visual reinforcements" and a bunch of security people came out of hiding and used pepper spray to take down other bottles of pepper spray, since I was no longer a threat. I went outside into a yard with a big tree in the center and I heard a male voiceover saying that it's a shame how unprotected America is from people like me. Then I see a short, overweight, young, ethnic disciple in his Sunday best blow out his knee.

Competition Night #2 Highlights

D and I started watching a scary movie because we thought it might be healthy to overcome fears. There was a man following all these women, including Vanessa. I was scared and could barely look because I knew the man had a creepy white mask on. Then he broke all of their necks. His mask was twisted so his mouth was int he eye hole. I wondered how he was seeing anything. He kept mumbling and whispering about necks and how much he hated them. Then he went into a house and I became immersed in the movie. I was a little girl that was home alone and I ran around the house trying to “break the necks’ of doors. Then I decided to grab a closet rod and I broke it in three so I could use it to defend myself. A climbed onto my bunkbed and into a trap closet I had, which would lead me outside. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, I was scared to go out because last time I got caught by the police and brought back home. Before I could get out I heard breathing and the masked man entered my room, pleased to have found me. He stared at me and I tried to whack him with my stick but it did nothing. I tried to bite his fingers and that also did nothing. So I begged him to just kill me and get it over with but he just laughed.