non-lucid

Been trying melatonin chewables.... they taste good but not helping much.

Jamie

Only dream I seem to recall with Jamie in it. I was starting work at a new factory or warehouse job or something. Jamie was there, also a new hire. We are on lunch break or something. I'm at a table and I look at another table and see Jamie is sitting with some woman. The woman turns her head right around to look my way and turns back after a second. They were talking about me?

After work I'm following Jamioe home. We are walking. I go up a street on a hill to not be so obvious. (IRL I would never stalk anyone.) The streets look like the ones on GTA5 (Been grinding that game online, taking a break from Cringenight). After that my memory fades.

I have a conversation about the dream with Her voice. She said that she was telling the woman in the dream that I'm her boyfriend.

What?

I was hanging around a guy I used to hang around with... Another J. he said him and his family were moving to texas or something.

That's all. I hope I have more Jamie dreams.

Two fragments of Jamie.

Dream 1

I just remember Jamie was around. I can't recall what the dream was about.

Dream 2

Jamie talking to some guy. She seemed to be flirting with him. She said something about a husband?

Woah, what? I mean that would explain the silence. I don't why I'm not even worth an explanation. Or " worth the effort". As she once put. I guess I'm not.

Dexter again

I'm on season 4 already. Just dreamed that Dexter and the Trinity killer were talking to one another.. They seemed really close that's it.

Jamie voice seemed to be splitting after my last entry. Wasn't sure why. Of course I meant she's more than welcome to come to my door and ask for me. I simply meant other options as suggestions for whatever she feels comfortable with. Maybe she was upset over my unwillingness to reach out first. Even though I already did a few times. She never responded. If my best message to her still isn't good enough for her. No further attempts are necessary. I argued with her voice on this early this morning about this very thing. She admitted: It's unreasonable to expect you reach to me, if I don't respond. Exactly right! This entirely changes if she begins to talk to me and let's me know that further communication is okay. I'm ready to step up then.

Dreams:

2 nights ago.

Jamie 1

(Can't use colors because I can't get posting entries here to work properly on PC or mobile. What gives DV? What gives?)

I dreamed Jamie was working construction with me or something. I was climbing up some scaffold or something. Jamie was climbing to but she was surrounded by wooden ramps and walls they were also moving very fast. I told her that's not necessary, we're simply here to work.

Fortnite again?

Jamie 2

She was with me in a house? We kept flying around but instead of talking , we kept leaving notes for one another.

Jamie 3

I was with Jamie in a city. She had a fancy blue car. She pushed a button and it started changing into a more fancy car or something. She laughed and asked if I liked it?

When I woke up. I kinda split on that. She seemed like her careless and grandiose self of which I have very bad memories of. I recall her being quite hurtful when she was like that.

Jamie 4

I was walking on a residential street. I was eating a sandwich. It had some meat and a shitload of mayonnaise. It was messy. I don't recall liking it too much.

Woke up and the voice said she made me pastrami on rye? Oops I was supposed to like it. Sorry.

This whole entry seems negative. So I'll end on some positive notes.

Pets

I woke up on top of a bunk bed. There were tiny goats flying up to me and I was petting them.

Also the Jamie voice wanted me to confirm some of the jokes we say to one another. Many months ago I was trying to cheer up her voice by saying, " I believe in the good person inside of you." She responded, " You are the good person inside of me." Lol. Read into that however you like. It's been a running joke ever since.

I hope next dreams are loving and affectionate. These holidays were more moody than what I would have liked.

Merry Chrysler! Aw, shit it's boxing day...


Scary height?

Me and Jamie were on a giant tall hill. In the middle of a giant tree... with a wooden base around it built into the tree. We had two other members on the team running around below. We were waiting for something. for some reason I had a pistol on me... Wait are we dreaming about fortnite again? OG map? Jamie said that this was really high up. She seemed scared. I was too. some guy from our team said no one was around so it was safe to go down. We did. I found a bunker full of food. I felt like making bacon.


Last night:

Jesus again

Me and Jamie were in a very large standing area. There was a multitude of couples with us in the standing area. It felt like these couples were like me and Jamie - Hand picked by Jesus for life commitments - but he had to separate them first to work on them. We were all facing the front where there was a throne. Jesus was there on the throne. He said, "My children I'm beginning my work NOW to bring you all together again."

I woke from this dream. The Jesus voice said (Or Holy Spirit), "Jamie is knocking on the door now.". That's funny, when I first arrived back in Bowden, over a year ago, He said she was at the door.

Well, my door is open. If she wants to talk, She knows where my house is. I would not turn her away. If she's comfortable with phones first, my business with my personal cell is online, and in the Western.Buy.Sell.Trade paper. Or, if she wants to leave a note on my car. We both seem to be at a stalemate - I've already tried to reach out to her, she doesn't respond, I don't like what her non response does to me, so My hands are tied. I've seen her drive by me many times, but she never stops to talk. Maybe Jesus is hinting that he may do something... wether it's running into eachother more often, or through familiar people, or situations. In any case, it sounds like it's on the horizon.

Jamie 3

I'm with Jamie in a house kitchen that seems to be ours. She's carrying a baby. She says, "We're beginning to run out of food."

Yes, I'm worried about that too. Even if together there might be staying with In-Laws for a while. My business is slowly picking up. I want to get other things going too. Like flipping computers. There's lots of things to gt into for side hustles or careers.

Due to work schedule and getting up early. Really low recall. Only dream was maybe Jamie.

No soup for you.

I was in a convenience store or grocery store. There was an Asian woman at the counter. She seemed really familiar. I said I wanted to buy soup. The woman looked confused and said that I can't buy soup. I pointed to the sign above a counter where some soup was. She looks and kind of hits herself lightly on the head as if: duh. As she went to the soup counter I said, "I need that to go please."

IRL I had soup from a grocery store when Jamie was with me.

3 nights and only a flash of a fragment about Jamie...

Can't recall the first night. During the day The Jesus voice indicate that Jamie was getting into something that she shouldn't. The biggest hint is that she was looking at things she shouldn't (IYKYK. I've had struggles with that as well... from time to time).

Lucid but no cigar

I was in a building with some people. couches in a corner. I became lucid but the dream started blacking out. I held on somehow. I said I wanted to go to Jamie's dream. I wound up in a psychedelic tunnel space. I kept floating through it trying to find Jamie. One tunnel just led to another of different colors. I went through 3 or so. Then my memory fades. Kinda felt like I was stuck in the Dr. Who title screen if you know what I mean.

What?

A dream where Kurt Cobain was in the black space. He had a guitar and was strumming it. He sang, "A lemonade alright, No Chick-Fil_A sauce." In a sing song voice. He looked pissed off that he was singing it and walked away.

Funny. I really hope that doesn't get stuck in my head again.

Flash

A flash of Jamie naked with some woman...

Um okay. I really wish I would stop dreaming about that.

I had trouble with the Jamie voice this morning. She said she was stupid? I asked what it was about. I had 4 different Jamie voices give me 4 different answers... I was like, "Well, whatever you did. I'm not finding you in dreams lately and right now the continuity of hearing your voice is breaking down. So maybe give it a rest." Literally hasn't been that bad in months. (I'm not all blaming the lack of dreams on her. I have a tough time recalling things sometimes. It's also very hard to dream about the same thing continuously for such a long time. Might be why I keep seeing Jamie as different people, but I can tell who she is by her behavior) Her voice seemed down today, almost guilty or regretful. I did some early prayers already because she asked.

Last night had lots of dreams. not sure if I'm remembering them all. New Dexter series on paramount+ . Loved the first episode, Use to watch the Original with my cousin who passed a few years ago.

Jamie 1

An HH flash of me walking in bowden at night. Jamie drives past me while looking at me. She smiles.

The voice get's all excited when I woke up. "I saw you." She said. Note: when I see her in a Real life "Drive by." Her voice will often say, "I saw you!"

Jamie 2

Another HH flash We're in the plack space. Jamie brings me a box of doughnuts.

Yup. I agree. Best way to keep me from getting Hangry and splitting is to brings snacks. (No dried fruit or anything. Pure chocolate and sugar junk is good.)

Wrong girlfriend

I walked past Jessica in a dream. for some reason I thought she was Jamie. I acted all friendly but the girl wasn't having it. She said something like, "I didn't do anything with you because you didn't take any initiative."

I woke up and asked the Jamie voice about the dream. She said that wasn't her in the dream. As for the initiative thing, we've already covered that - I'm just dense, and can't tell if any flirting is serious or not, leaving me to usually shrug any hints off or miss them altogether. Direct approach is what works best on me.

Jamie confusion?

I was in a flying car... might have been semi lucid at one point. I had a phone or tablet display in the middle of the dashboard. It was a message from Jamie? but it said: Joanne. I landed at the house. got out. A girl that looked like Jamie started kissing me. We started really getting into it... like really getting into it. In the back of my ming I couldn't get the name: Joanne out of my mind. I still wasn't sure if this was Jamie. The Jamie voice in my head said, "Robert..." as if to ask WTF I was doing. We kept kissing.

I checked with the voice when awake. Apperently Jamie remembered kissing too. Not sure what happened there.

Driving

A dream where I was driving a motorbike in calgary. My brother was there or something. I went to Crowchild, but it was these big hills... and it was snowing. I was really nervous to drive it.

Hardly any recall. The conversations with the voice seemed distant during the days. Mainly because I usually spend hours lost in things that occupy my full attention. The Jamie voice was complaining about it... I think... Today. Anyway we still seem to connect well at night. I haven't been waking up as much in the middle of the night. But at night time it's a normal routine of prayers and trying to sense one another in spirit.

I had a dream like vision that seemed like a microdream with Jamie in it. But I can't recall what it was about.

Jamie

I was somewhere. Maybe in a house. There was a woman there. The lighting wasn't great so I couldn't see her. She said she was my girlfriend. I said, that's impossible, I already have a girlfriend and her name is: Jamie.

The woman said that SHE is Jamie. And I was like Nuh-Uh. You don't look like Jamie. I have a picture of us right here. I look at the picture and I see a man with glasses.. but it's not me. His arm is around his girlfriend. She has Jamie's hair.. but not the same face. Also wearing glasses. I was about to tell the woman that it's the wrong picture... But I woke up.

I guess I'm still not seeing Jamie as herself... No wonder she doesn't show up as often... That must be frustrating.


What?

A random dream where I had to hold a giant white thing to fly around. I was trying to beat another guy with a flying thing... I couldn't fly certain areas because I kept running into powerlines? Um okay.

Hardly sensing Jamie at all in these dreams. I miss last February when it was multiple dreams per night.

Jamie 1

I was with Jamie in a fortnite game... Ugh. Just remember us by a bridge and talking.

Jamie 2

Just remember Jamie hanging with me and my brother? Not sure. We were walking through some woods and I saw shape of smoke in the form of an old lady. It was just frozen there. We went into a cave or something to retrieve something. When we got out. The smoke form was still there. It actually changed into an old lady who looked like a witch. We all got startled and ran. The man argued with me saying the old woman wasn't there before we entered the cave. I said I clearly saw her smoke shape before we entered.

Fromville

I was in a giant house with the Donna character in the From show. I was exploring a basement which was huge. It was like another in the basement. I go through many rooms and hallways. Donna enters through a hidden door. I comment on how big the basement is. She says, Yes that the upstairs is gigantic as well. There's so much there that Dale has never been downstairs.

What

Another dream where I break into someone's house that is a previous customer of my dad's. They don't seem to mind however. I see they have a piano, but the woman went with another piano tuner.

I've been doing 1-2 piano's a month now. Wish it was several a week.

I hope the Jamie dreams increase.

Two nights in a row and not much on Jamie. I had some interesting happenings with her head voice. One night she asked why I ran away in the parking lot. I remembered and I split on it for a few minutes. The answer I gave was 1. She stood me up. 2. She said something really mean. After I calmed down I heard The Jesus voice said it was time for us to leave the past in the past.

Had some HH of some one playing the piano. It was the first part of Rachmaninov's 3rd piano Concerto, Ossia Cadenza https://youtu.be/Bhj7hunyVjw?si=ak4Yh0PkYGJ0EAXR

Had something like HH flashes but not dream like at all. First was me and Jamie making love, her on top. Second was I was in a room. Night time and no lights except for the glow of a TV. Jamie was on the other end of the couch, staring at me like a zombie. Her eyes glowed from the TV reflection. Che opened her mouth wide with a blank stare and bugs began crawling out of her mouth...

The Jamie voice asked what that was. We talked and apparently she saw the same thing... But it was me all zombied out.

Jamie

Just a flash of me driving a beat up brown, minivan. Jamie got inside and she looked really happy to see me all smiling. Good.

House

I was wandering through a very large house with tons of people living inside it. In some sections the people were dangerous. The house was so big it was like a small city...

Jamie voice was saying, how she likes our sweet talk especially late at night and the mornings. Yes, it's really me. I'v, also pondered how sometimes - when I have Her drive by sightings... a dream sometimes follows where she is crying in a vehicle. I do appreciate her trying to get nearer to me and hopefully trying to validate my strange "Telepathic" experiences with her. But, be safe. Don't push too hard. If we seriously talk again (hopefully accompanied by a long hug.) It's going to be somewhat emotionally rocky anyway. Just please be safe and stable as can be.

Not much from two nights but I had one night with contrasting Jamie dreams.

Jamie 1

Before the dream, I fell asleep after briefly watching a UFO documentary on Netflix. (I don't usually watch those, but this one was about Budd Hopkins, I use to read his books as a tween)

In the dream. I was watching a Documentary about Jamie. The guy was like, "Is she really who she says she is?" and he claimed like.... ancient egyptians was talking about her or something in pyramids. The dream changed to me chasing Jamie in a big city like T.O. But she was pretending she didn't know me. She was going to parties... lots of drugs and Drama with some guy. I saw her crying in front of him. The documentary guy was in my head, and I was like, "Yeah, I don't recognize this person at all."

I woke up and checked if the Jamie voice was there (Sometimes there are periods after sleep where she is silent and I assume she is sleeping.). I was like, "Wow what was with that dream? It was like I didn't exist." After some hesitation she said, "Yes... That was me having a really bad episode."

I prayed that I get better dreams about her with holding hands... affection etc.

Jamie 2

I'm sitting on a sectional couch in front of a TV. I'm not even sure If I am watching anything. Jamie sits beside me. I'm astounded such a beautiful girl would even sit beside me. We seem to watch it together. I notice she rested her left arm beside me. I didn't want to be too presumptuous so I laid my right arm over hers. After a moment she took my hand. This part felt... So real. I could see and feel our fingers interlocking. We started trying to lay together. I'm not sure if she was squeezing me too hard but I flt panic and got up (I don't mind big hugs but I have a problem if people squeeze to hard, like Elmyra from looney tunes). So, we tried cuddling another way. But after a moment she wasn't having that either. She got up and started pulling out the foot rest and trying to turn it into a Hide-a-bed. But I woke up as she was doing it.

I found this dream very funny. We are both so awkward trying to figure out what works best.

Voice was hounding me to post more dreams. (Every 3 day or 4 days seems like a consistent way to post.)

Don't remember much.

Jamie 1

I was beside a woman in bed. It was Jamie, but she looked asian (like filipina or malaysian or something). I put my hand on her boob. I was like "Wow, it fits in the palm of my hand." She smile at that and put her hand over mine. The dream fades (This dream coincides with some sweet talk we were having at night.)

Fortnite again

Just a flash of getting shot at and walling off. Not sure if Jamie was in this or not.

Last night:

A jamie dream I forgot but I had this vivid one:

Jamie 2

Me and Jamie were walking in a small apartment building. We came from a larger area and entered a stairwell. Jamie looked up the stairwell and looked frightened and she went back through the door. I took a splie second to see where she was looking but nothing was there. I quickly turned to follow her but when I opened the door, it was nothing but concrete. I was becoming lucid when I woke up.

Wow when Jamie doesn't want to be found in dreams....

Jamie dreams are kinda back? They are few and far in between but still somehow consistent. She might have done a drive by I was brushing off my car. A grey car turned in the alley by my house behind me. It felt like someone was looking at me. I turned and saw part of a head with brown hair and sunglasses. The voice mentioned it may have been her. If so, this is becoming more often. She's getting braver.

Jamie 1

I was in a long non lucid dream that was boring. Me and Jamie met in the middle of the dream. We both briefly talked about the plot of the dream we were in and moved on. Can't remember what was said or the rest.

unsure?

I was in... I'm not sure I had an ipad or something. I was selecting music. The band: Helloween, came to mind. Couldn't figure out if I wanted to hear, "Eagle fly free." or, "Dr. Stein." but then the tablet menu went funny and I couldn't find it. The tablet was suddenly hanging by string around a girl's neck. It was now a white board that we could write messages on. Not sure if this was Jamie or not.

Fighting

I was with a younger guy also named. "Raven." (Not my other dream friend. who does healing songs and stuff.) He was the native guy I ran into one day in the Wal-Mart parking lot when Jamie was giving me a ride home. In the dream he was getting mouthy. So I pounded his face in for a bit. Then I said something like, "Respect your elders." or something and he backed off.

More fighting

I think me and Jamie were in a fortnite game or something. We were walking through a valley and someone shot at us. Jamie got knocked and she was doing the crawl. The shooter grappled over to us with his duo. He told me to Res her so he can kill her again. I said, "If you kill her I will definitely find you and kill you." We went back and forth a few times like that and he backed down.

New fortnite season tomorrow. I have a love/hate relationship with that game. Mainly hate the cringe and the super toxic community.

Jamie again

This morning after our bedtime sweet talk session we often have in our heads. I was in an HH dream she was there. She made lasagna and offered me some.

I enjoyed that dream.

Not many dreams. Jamie drive by again? I was pulling into the Reddi-mart to pull out some cash. Noticed the one car with the wannabe red but not quite color. Stared intently inside... I saw a woman with brown hair, sort of like Jamie but unsure. She seemed to notice I was looking her way and she defiantly turned her gaze to the side (but was probably just shoulder checking for oncoming traffic before turning.). moments later while inside... her voice started up. "Why did I do that? I'm sorry." Her voice was apologizing non stop throughout the day. Her crime - Doing the freezout thing. I mean I'll try my best to let it slide. Even though her voice promised me that she would not do that anymore. I'll admit when I worked with her - it was an extremely frustrating thing to deal with. I have never liked it, don't currently like it, and never will. Experiencing that currently kind of doesn't help. Remember - I'm absolutely certain I have at least mild traits of BPD myself. The worst thing for me emotionally is to consistently re live past trauma. It's bad enough that I currently live with my dad, even though he is getting old and feeble - He still is emotionally abusive. Constantly scoffing in disappointment over every single thing I do. Also Boomer parents, "Why don't my kids wanna see me.?" I'm absolutely positive Jamie reads these, so please take these things into consideration. I have stated a lot on this journal, that I am trying my best to work on my issues around her, so that I can be a safe place for her. It should go both ways. I'm dedicated to being sensitive and accommodating to her issues, and working it out with her with good communication. I however, expect the exact same thing from her. Because if me mentioning in a dream how long it's been since we've talked and how salty I am about it is going to trigger her badly into a splitting episode, What does she think ignoring me in outright defiance does to me? It's a fine line - walking on eggshells. And I do pray everyday that Jesus somehow solves her BPD issues. There's a guy on Tik tik sensitive.stability - a self proclaimed self cured BPD guy that has a program for trying to be symptom free. It probably costs money, but it might be worth it for us to check it out. It's loosely based on DBT. Another thing is that her voice keeps asking for prayers, when we both gt upset at this stuff. That's really good. Wether the prayers are getting answered or not, it's a good thing that seems to help us stay grounded with one another.


On a lighter note. If Jamie wants to talk to me I imagine we are going to have some pretty awkward initial conversations. Somehow I don't think,"Hey there Captain Booty cheeks, are you ready to make that daughter we've been dreaming about? Or are you chicken?" is going to work well.

Dreams:

first night: Nothing, except a flash of Jamie coming up to me and hugging me.

Night after her apparent) run in.


Wal-Mart

I was in a Wal-Mart with some native girl who wanted to be my girlfriend. I saw a Woman I recognized as Shannon M from didsbury (Nice trailer park lady who worked at Hi-Ho for years. Has a couple kids - one borderline daughter with a kid) I'm like "Hey!" And the woman (Possibly Jamie.) started hugging me from behind really tightly and kissing the back of my neck in the same spot over and over again. I was walking as she did this. The Native girl was staring at me funny. I said, "I know this lady I worked with her at Wal-Mart for 5 months or so." (In reality I never worked with shannon but the line implies I was recognizing Jamie). The dream seems to end there.

The voice was still insistent that the van I saw Monday was Jamie. Even though I seen a similar grey van at the same store driven by an older brown haired lady. The voice argued that there's lots of grand caravans in the area. This is true. Her voice complained later, " How come you pretend I'm not there when I visit?" Well... Driving by someone goes quick. Sometimes her sightings don't leave me room to visibly react. One apperrent drive by was at night and I could barely make out the shape of a face. And I couldn't literally see inside the van well because of the lighting. Depending on light reflecting off a windshield can determine how much you see inside someone's vehicle.

Uncle again

I was almost lucid. I spoke like I knew it was a dream. I saw my uncle lying on a cot with some woman. I asked if his name was his name. He said yes. I told him not to come into my dreams anymore. I don't remember much after.

One night I woke up at 2 am and Jamie's voice kept asking for prayers because of a nightmare. Was she watching "From?" - It gave her nightmares. I have heard that Borderlines can have excruciatingly long and vivid frequent nightmares.

Raven

A brief dream where I saw Raven. Can't remember details tho.

Jamie 1

Brief flash of her holding me in bed.

Possibly Jamie?

Started off, I was in a shopping mall. I was in a Zellers or Sears like store. Some women in medical clothing were testing someone. It turns out they had a contagious disease. They said they had to quarantine the area and since I was a few times away that meant me. They put some weird medical gown on me.. more like a vest. Then they brought me a Hazmat suit. This was interrupted by a horde of people running through the store in a panic. The medical people ran away too. I tore off the vest and looked two the double doors leading outside. Another horde of people were running outside as well.

I took off and went down a hallway. Went through a door onto a street. No one was running so 8 figured I was past the danger. I felt I was near Jamie's place so I went up these garden paths separated by plastic bubbles with zip up doors. I was on a hill looking down at at garden being tended by an older lady with brown hair. I knew who she was. I had seen that lady lots in dreams at Jamie's house. Not sure if she's a guide or guardian.

I went through the next zipper door, and I was quite confused as to where I was. Inside was a living room. A woman that looked like Jamie was sleeping on a couch. I woke her up and asked how to leave? She got up and said she would help. Her hair went from long to shorter with the ends by her chin. She said, "Make sure you give me a hug and a kiss before you leave. " I thought since she no longer looked like Jamie, that she was someone else... That it might be cheating. I gathered some things that I had left there including a gun. Jamie didn't seem bothered by that. I tucked it into a side pocket or purse. She looked like Jamie again and I was waiting for my hug. Jamie went into a kitchen then and she looked like someone else. An older man was suddenly with her. They were talking. I figured it was the woman's husband. She no longer seemed aware that I was there so I left.