NyxCC

Date: 09 Oct DV

Entry 1/3

Pre bed: 100mg B6

WbtWake: 200mg valerian

TST: 6hrs

Comment: I usually don't take valerian at times other than pre bed, but the 100mg B6 got me more awake than usual. Sleep quality wasn't very nice, but dreams were pretty vivid, long and stable.

WILD: I have a short awakening and briefly think about the previous dream, trying to turn it into a mild, but don't really review it or anything. Just think it would be a good idea to do so. I fall asleep with the intention to ld and quickly transition.

Another of those confusing moments, where it looks as if I am seeing a part of the room through my eyelids . Initially, I think, this is our bedroom, but then it's the bedroom of my first home. My dream body is also weirdly twisted, it's as if I/my dream body is supposed to be lying on my stomach, but at the same time I am twisted from the torso upwards, partially sitting and partially trying to get up. I have a couple of realization-like thoughts about relaxing, then attempt moving and eventually I am properly sitting on the bed, looking at my hands. I see them as if looking through some sort of crystal or weird glass. It's similar to a layer of liquid transparent edgy plastic-like thing imposed on my hands, kind of blurry, half of a finger is missing too.

I get up and look around, everything is mega bright and the whole atmosphere reminds me of those birthday dreams I have here. The mom of a friend of mine comes in and begins behaving menacingly. I lose my clarity for a bit, being distracted by her aggression, but then remember this is a dream and leave the room. A classmate is also here, I acknowledge him, then continue on my way to the living room.

In the meantime, I remember the TOTM to scare a kid, but these DCs obviously don't fit the description, so I go from room to room, looking for some kids. All the doors are open. Finally, I stop and shout about a little girl coming here. Soon enough, a little blond girl comes in and approaches me. She almost looks fine, but part of her face around the nose and mouth is like unfinished or at least asymmetrical. This gives me a bit of a creepy feeling. I shout something at her, like boooo or whatever, and she runs away. There is a little boy also coming from the same direction she did and I think about saying a total profanity to scare him. I decide not to and just chase him away.

Task done and I wonder what to do now. I remember AF and sit down to use the fastest tech. I make a rather quick attempt but feel the dream is stronger, so give up. I simply sit here for a while, staring in front of me, thinking about meditating.

I look to my left and notice the furniture, which I incorrectly recall is absolutely the same as irl (pretty close but not the same actually). At any rate, I remark how vividly I am seeing everything and that it is more vivid that rl. The door is open and I see this DC of a person from rl quickly approaching. I can smell trouble and sure he starts acting like a bully, very menacingly while I try to keep distance from him. The situation continues for a while with me being able to hold him far enough, while he behaves as if he is going to explode or attack me any moment. I briefly consider deactivation by allowing this to go sexy, but discard the idea. The same goes for fighting him, since I don't want to create such an association to a real life person. I am simply sitting on the floor, holding him back and trying to be as impassive as possible. There is a moment of darkness and he shortly disappears, but I can still hear him as he is now making growly sounds. Finally, I decide I've had enough of this masochistic exercise and wake up.

Date: 28 Sept

WBTB: Gingko

LD: I walk towards a tram station, few classmates are here as well. I am looking for some items, there seems to be an open air store with products piled all around. I think about my plans to ld. Mom is also here. As I look straight ahead, I realize that I am already dreaming. I remember my goal AF and quickly head in an unknown direction, but then remind myself to stop rushing and take some time to look around.

It is early in the evening and there is a full moon, normal size. As I pass the corner, thinking about AF a fountain structure appears, it has something Greek/classical to it, I think "Poseidon"? There are some statues (don't pay attention of what) and water is randomly sprinkling from them. I want to build AF here and now, using whatever water material is available, so I go closer to the structure. I am wearing sport pants that are sliding down my feet, making it hard to move. I wonder if I should take them off, but remember this is a bad idea and do my best to make them disappear by ignoring them, then continue moving forward without problems. The nearby fountain has a small section with very attractive water and ice surrounding it. I have the strong desire to get in the ice cold water and enjoy the feel of it. It's an amazing feeling but the dream fades and I wake up.

Mini-ld: I appear in a store and recognize this is a dream. I shortly stare at some prices and erase the ink with my hand. There are tons of winter clothes on me and I feel very uncomfortable. Of course, I start taking them off until I am wearing a T-shirt and feel much better.

I go out and notice a guy sitting in this street cafe. The dream starts to destabilize, so I join him and tell him I need his help with stabilization. I hold his small child-like hands and examine them. I quickly think of AF and look at a nearby building and there is building waterfall (i.e. water falling from the building instead of rocks). That looks reassuring and I want to go there, but the dream fades.

I wake up, somewhat later and without much involvement on my part I DEILD to the same dream.

Mini-deild: I am looking at the face of the same DC and wonder about the whole dream resuming like this. I caress his face and kiss him on the cheeks as a stabilization tech, but the dream doesn't last long and I wake up.

Note: summary

Date: 17 Sept

Short ld: I go in the building where grandma lives, get in the elevator but it looks wider than usual. It turns into some sort of transportation cart and I move through the neighborhood. At some point I press the button for the floor and get out. There is a bear. I recognize this as a DS and become lucid. I take a turn and continue walking in this room full of DCs. There is also a half-lion half-man similar to the one from previous dreams walking around. I notice there is a green aura-like blur around him and another DC. I try tk on some cups but it doesn't work. Then I remember AF and decide to do it here and now but the dream fades and I wake up.

Date: 20 Sept

Short ld frag: I am in a house and now in a small room, wearing only a towel and next to this sports guy. I know this is a dream, but am not focused. I stare at the guy and wait for more clarity. Instead, the guy starts humping me with his clothes on. He makes these moves, it looks kind of weird and funny, especially his face. In the meantime, I am thinking about phasing, but the door just opens so I sneak out.

I go down the stairs. Being semi-naked I decide I want to turn this into a show where everybody would be dancing naked. It's a dream after all, I remind myself. I try to organize the scene and gather the DCs but the dream fades and I wake up.

Date: 19 Sept

Pre bed: 200mg valerian

WBTB: 60 mg caffeine (RB)

Non-ld fragment: I am trying to take a shortcut at night in this familiar from previous dreams city. In one of the dark streets, I run into criminal DCs with very bad teeth. A number of young people sitting on a bench agree to defend me if necessary and I go sit there. I find one of the guys extremely beautiful. We talk for a while, but they are leaving soon. I notice that his whole body is covered with small, shiny clear droplets of water and stare in fascination.

In love: Very deep sleep and my recall is not very good.

We are moving in the dorms because it is much cheaper. There are six beds in the room and a guy who already lives here. I ask if only two of the beds, ours, are going to be used. He confirms.

The dream goes on for quite a while with all kinds of thoughts about clothes, bathroom etc. Then it looks like more people actually live here and we will be sharing the room, now apartment with them. Someone opens the door and lots of DCs come in, new roommates, I think. This girl asks me questions about the admin, I don't understand what she is saying.

Bf is gone and this guy comes and talks to me. I realize that this is a dream but my mind is kind of foggy. I remember having thoughts about me being in deep sleep and that this is good for stability. The guy leaves and another one appears, I like him very much and remark that he shows some persistent DC qualities. He comes and goes several times but looks the same, gray t-shirt, black hair, some eyeliner even, a bit like Mark Terenzi. He also gives me a kiss. We talk for some time but my memory is really bad. The dream starts to fade, I lose my sight but I can still hear him. I tell him to keep talking to me, I will hold on to the sound. I can feel my eyelids and am careful not to mess this up, but soon the image returns. He gives me another kiss. The dream slips away again and I struggle to bring it back. He is on the other side now but looking totally different and there is another guy dressed with the same clothes and holding a similar colorful object. The dream fades and I fall into oblivion.

Falling: I am walking down the stairs talking to this DC. It looks like I have forgotten my handbag, I turn back and see it at the top of the stairs. I make it fly directly to my hands. The DC remarks that I am not supposed to do this while abroad. I have this warp-like feeling and realize that I never woke up from the previous dream. The B6 woman is also here in the background and I wonder if I should go and talk to her, examine her energy, and ask why does she always behave like that. At the same time, I don't want to waste too much time with her and risk things getting out of hand, so decide to just ignore her.

I am looking at a large modern glass vase that they are selling in this now shop and try to move it with tk, but not much success. I also try with an elegant china tea cup but I feel that I don't really want to be breaking these things. Finally, I remember Angel Falls and follow the plan of "here and now". The main idea is to use the turn your back technique. I already hear water running just behind me (like a fountain in a mall). I am in some sort of not very well lit mall too. I take a few steps back, concentrating on changing the surroundings. I actually slip backwards a few steps, which feels kind of weird and not very effective, but the surrounds begin to change a bit. I decide to facilitate the process of getting rid of the old scene and into a new scene by falling backwards.

As I do this, it's as if something immaterial swallows me and I enter void weightlessness combined with motion. I shortly see lots of greenery in front of me that is very similar to rainforest vegetation, but it quickly vanishes. I am speeding backwards in the void with this weird feeling of traveling through space at high speed. For a second my mind is totally blank and I feel stressed, I try to remind myself to keep cool, be patient as it seems to be taking too long and shortly pretend I am meditating. Then I try to concentrate on one of my visualizations and build the scene as I had imagined it. During the entire time of the experience, I hear the sound of falling water. It is much harder to concentrate and visualize than I thought, but I succeed in having lots of water flowing on me in the darkness now. I try to prepare the scene again even though it's not the right place where I actually wanted to start from. I am still flying backwards through space, this thing doesn't stop even if I expect it to. I briefly see the top of a barren hill with a non-human castle in the negative mood of some game or a game related dream. I don't want to be there. The falling continues and I finally find myself in bed. I stay still for a while but nothing happens.

Comments: is it just me or is it really hard to concentrate on anything while in the void. I have noticed this another time as well. The moment everything disappears, my mind also goes totally black and if my mind is blank...then there will be nothing to project around me. Maybe I need to think about stuff, rather than struggle to visualize.

Post 2/2 for 16th of Sept

LD2: this dream/dreams have been going on forever, with lots of scene changes and it has been very hard to recover it.

I am in our old bathroom and the B6 woman is here again. We get into a fight again, I squeeze some shampoo in her eyes.

A lucid scene here I can't remember, I am examining my hands and think how normal and real they look, even though I know it's a dream.

I look out the window of this place where I believe I live and see a familiar city. I have some thoughts that I wasn't able to fulfill my goals because I always get stuck in these rooms and I need to go outdoors to make it work better.

I fly outside, but my flight is kind of bad and I end up in a river/marsh. I am on the surface, then sinking down as I wonder what to do. I give myself instructions about what to think and how to modify the terrain below me and there are some changes, but on the whole it doesn't work as it's supposed to and I continue sinking. All kinds of sensations (including void-like) as I feel submerged yet my head is above the water.

I think this must have ended with the void.

I just remember that am in a car with bf and a blonde woman with short hair. She reminds me of an actress. I turn my back on the road and sit on top of the the woman, facing her, then look around. I notice the color of her clothes, blue and green. Really nice colors and fit her very well. I can also see that now I am wearing the same blue shirt as her. The next moment, the woman offers to do some sexy things on me and after a short thought I find the strength to refuse. I concentrate on the phone task and get a phone from one of them. I press the dial button and listen. Immediately a random guy answers, eager for a conversation. I know he's not the right person, so I tell him wrong number and attempt to hang up but he tries to convince me it is the right number. He also says some funny stuff I can't recall.

I take a moment to think that this dream has been going on for a while and I am already forgetting some parts.

At some point, there is some sort of funny nonsensical text on the phone that now turns to some other object, that I try to memorize and temporary do, but as I try to read it again all the letters change.

I can't remember what happened, but now I am in this place, like a large appartment, with lots of DCs all around, mostly representing people I know. I am still trying to call Xanous, have another phone in my hand and I struggle with the phone book. You could say that my lucidity level drops as all kinds of false memories emerge and I am trying not to show I care in front of the people that know me.

For some reason I believe that I have Xanous' real number, that he has given me his real number. I also see some photos of the blue bedsheets of his kid, some toys and other stuff I can't remember. This is on some sort of TV screen now and I am using a remote control (or is it the phone?) to try to navigate the menu and just get to the number and hide from my friends that I have been given all this info.

I finally get the right number, press the dial key and listen. For a while nobody picks up and then the voice mail turns on and I can hear Xanous' voice. He says something briefly and then there's lots of music and sounds as I nervously wait for what seems like forever to be able to leave a message.

I start a long speech from which I remember the first and last sentences.

"Hey Xanous, I made it, I am calling you from a dream. ....

Do you know how hard it has been to keep this super long dream going, pick up."

My voice changes as I speak. I finally exhaust myself with the speech and end the conversation. I look outside and think that now that I am done calling Xanous, I can move to the next task, Angel Falls. It feels like my determination to make that call has been the key factor holding this dream together for a such an great amount of time and now it slowly begins to fade and I wake up.

Date: 16th Sept

Pre bed: 3mg mel

WBTB: 26 mg caffeine (capp.)

Comment: post 1/2 for 16th of Sept. Way behind with updating, trying to keep these post as efficient as possible.

Micro-ld: In my first room, at some point in the dream, I make a call to this woman in the administration and discuss some things with her.

I am in the room and moving in a strange manner, float gliding on the floor and know that this is a dream. I keep on moving around like this but then see the B6 bitch and for some reason assume that she is real. I get totally distracted by what she says and lose 99 percent of my lucidity. We start fighting, bitting and scratching each other. While we are fighting, I keep contemplating, how could I know that this is a dream, she looks so much like her real self.

LD1: I find myself on the street of my hometown and happily remark that this is a dream. I see this guy I know and his friends and think about a song I want to make them sing. I make a few movements with my hands to control the guys like a conductor and get some results but when I listen more closely, they seem to talk more than sing and are slightly out of sync. Then from somewhere I can hear the Manu Chao song (which is a mix of many similar songs) play loudly from somewhere. The sound is absolutely fantastic and I am thinking about how cool listening to a song like this in a dream is. I can hold my concentration on the music for a while and then it stops. I see my friend, still euphoric I greet her and think about interacting with her, but then decide to leave the memory of her alone. I feel the dream is fading.

A classmate of mine appears and I decide to hold on to him for stabilization. I embrace him. He is wearing a T-shirt similar to that of bf. He puts his hands around my waist and then moves one hand to my butt. I feel that this may quickly escalate to something else as I have a moment of sexy feelings. I look at his face, his lips. But no! I have been thinking about this lately (very annoyed with myself), so no! We are just hugging, I concentrate on that and make the sexy feeling go away. I still enjoy the moment, it is like as if we are about to dance to this soft music that I can almost hear at the background. Then I feel a drop of water on my hand and look around to see that it is starting to rain. Absolutely amazing effect, I think to myself. I am still in the same position, in his embrace, pretending to be stabilizing and examine his well shaped arm, notice his tan and the (sorry guys) flawless soft golden hairs. And as if taking in all this detail isn't enough, I can suddenly see his chest expanding and it dawns on me that he is breathing like a normal person. I find his breathing extremely fascinating, due to the fact that this is a dream, and also as I ponder how my subcon has created so much life like detail this time. I must be really immersed in the dream, I think to myself.

Unfortunately, I am taking too much time in this state of awe and feel the dream starts to fade again. I remember I wanted to make a call and look around. There is another DC to my left, similar to another classmate. I also think about my classmate who's holding me. These DCs must have a phone with them. But before I can do anything else the dream totally fades and I wake up.

Date: 10 Sept

Pre bed: 200 mg valerian

WBTB: 1/2 cappuccino

Dream quality and recall: very deep sleep, vivid but almost zero recall

TST: 7 hrs

Fragment: I didn't write down, something to do with Malaysia

Early mini-ld (+4 hrs): I am in some crazy deep sleep and see the thought of a boy band, very similar to Take That (maybe a video, or a picture in front of me). The moment I see this vision or whatever about them, with extreme speed one of the singers appears in the room in front of me, he is about 5 foot tall and the whole scene is mega bright and vivid. He is also wearing bright yellow clothes. This happens so fast, it jolts me into lucidity. I ignore him and rush to the balcony but feel the whole dream is very crazy - way too weird and dynamically changing. I can feel some strange and interesting dream stuff about to unwind in front of me as I am contemplating my actions on the balcony. I think it is too much for me to handle, so I wake myself up.

Contemplations: I know this dream isn't that unusual but the feeling of it bothered me. It wasn't a bad, negative one, there was even a touch of euphoria but I felt the dream was like a huge wave of energy about to produce extraordinary or distracting events that I wasn't mentally prepared to deal with. That's what happens when you take valerian and have early lds.

WBTB: coffee (26 mg caffeine) and mantras but zero recall after that

Date: 7 Sept

Pre bed: Gingko

Total sleep time: 9 hrs

Dream quality and recall: pre wbtb dreams above average vividness, but very sleepy, also undergoing a sleep schedule readjustment, so below average recall and too lazy to take notes. Post wbtb average vividness to above average, good recall.

WBTB

I tried to wild like the previous days but was feeling uncomfortable and this was taking way too long so just fell asleep.

Dream: I found this dream quite nonsensical/incoherent and with lots of DS, which is why I am including the details. It was getting warm and loud already and I suspect I went into deeper sleep.

This woman wants to take two hair accessories I had in the past from my hair, it hurts. Ok, I will give you both just be patient, I say. She asks if I have dandruff.

A moment later, same place, there is some sort of story about a Japanese girl, a guy and their friend and the girl is upset. She enters the restroom and starts putting shaving cream on her face. There is a narrator saying that after that she went walking around in something like a hospital where everybody saw her with the cream and she lost face. Both the guy and the girl have long hair.

The perspective changes and I am that girl now, looking in the mirror as my face changes (some male asian features long dark hair/to female asian) and the shaving cream turns to a face mask. I do the peel off mask procedure and think about the girl who is now a separate person and want to explain that she didn't need to go over the whole drama with the shaving because it can be used as a peel off mask.

After I take off the mask and throw it away, decide that I want to pee, so try to close the door of this public restroom. Actually there are two doors with lots of locks that don't make sense, but I do my best to close and lock them. As I proceed to do my thing, I notice that my hands are dirty with some food leftovers and before I can do anything else see that the room is now being filled with water - no wait, it's soup. I am wearing my old sleepers from 10 years ago and they are getting soaked. I turn to my left and can't believe this is happening, I can actually see how this soup water is leaking through the walls and immediately come up with an explanation for it. There is a food stall and its kitchen is on the wall just behind the restroom. I wonder if I should inform them about the situation.

Fragment: There is a yard that is covered with snow. Initially it is separated by glass fence, then normal fence. I can see cat footprints in the snow, then as I am staring I slowly realize (i.e. unconsciously summon) there is a dead cat/wild cat under the snow. Now there are two cats. The snow melts and one of them moves, I remark that it is alive and expect to see the other one moving as well. I can see it is breathing.

A woman that owns the yard comes by, she has a large fluffy dog that runs around and there are other animals there as well, a cow or a small horse.

Short DILD: I am on bus station in my home town and realize that I am dreaming. Finally, I say to myself. In my mind the bus goes to school and I want to see my friend. I look around but my friend is not on the station (some dream instability here) and there is a bus about to depart so I hurry and get in. I expect to see my friend there and imagine him being one of the passengers. For a minute I see his face but as I move closer it changes to another guy. There's a group of guys sitting there and they are way too loud. I quickly wonder about that (too much DC independence).

I know this is not going to work, but then I remember I can at least call. I try to spot a phone in the guys' hands. They are busy loudly talking to each other and no phone. I move a few seats back and there is something like a display in another guy's hand. I take it and it turns into my bf's phone, how weird is that! Alright, now I am just going to press any button and start the conversation. I press the dial key and check the screen, it goes dark and into some sort of error mode. I repeat a few more times with the same effect. Oh well, I just take the phone to my ear and say my bf's name. I hear a woman's voice replying as if I just asked to talk to my bf, saying he is just going somewhere. I am not sure if I asked or thought about another question, but she also adds a short yes. I decide to ask about the friend I was looking for in the bus. She replies similarly but in past tense. I briefly wonder if this makes any sense.

The woman then proceeds to ask me why am I asking about my friend since I am supposed to know where he is. She mentions the name of an unknown location where we (his friends) often meet. I feel as if I am talking to real person now and wonder what kind of explanation to give, scanning the surroundings looking for an appropriate answer as the dream fades.

@ Xanous if you are reading this, I still plan to give you a call. Gotta work on prospective memory!

Early fragment: something good about a DV member and lds

Dream: me and parents are living in a street shop that is a house. The place also reminds me of a cheap hotel room. I complain about all of us having to share the toilet. I want to do the laundry before we go out. The neighborhood is very bad too.

Fragment: mom wants to play golf because she can't wait for me on fridays?

Fragment: I am examining a large bullet that has been fired already and wonder if it can be used again. Some guys are after me, I run to the top of the building.

late-WBTB&WILD: As I am falling asleep, I expect to see a scene form in the darkness and think about my hands. I appear on a dark street, make a few movements to properly get in and stabilize and then my body begins to float up. I decide to control the flight and will myself to fly up but reach a certain height maybe about two floors high and the float/flying stops and I slowly go down. I wonder why's that and try again with the intention of going to the roof of the building this time. I float up but the dream ends and I need to get up too.

Date: 03 Sept

Comment: Ok, I don't have much time and the other fragments were not very interesting, so I am just posting the WILD here.

WILD: I repeat to myself that I am going to AF and will/intend to get a vision/dreamlet. At first I see something like a corner, then another place like in front of garage, I try to make repetitive movements and reach out for the snow.

Then suddenly I see my legs, wearing blue pants. I am in. A small moment of confusion as I partially look around and think this is my room while my body begins floating by itself and phases down through the bed (I wonder if this is obe, feels like a dream though). As I try to stabilize I move my hands, legs, etc. and take a few steps and accidentally end up walking on the wall. At that point, I remember the advanced task and continue walking on the wall. I go back down and decide to start again, for a short moment, it doesn't work. I go near the corner of the room, walk a bit on the floor towards the corner, then I guess my body bends so that the wall looks a bit more like the floor and get on.

I do a quick walk on the ceiling but then notice my hair is getting over my face and in the direction of gravity and I am also wearing a white doctor's coat which makes it hard (or distracting) for me to move. I acknowledge that this is a bad idea, yet do my best to take off the coat, struggling for a bit and thinking that I am always undressing in dreams. I wonder if I should quickly make a ponytail but then decide to do nothing with the hair and just ignore it. It stops bothering me. Then I continue walking on the floor, on the wall and up the ceiling, selecting somewhat spacier areas with less furniture parts to walk on. The room is quite small and all this walking makes me feel as if I have been spinning inside of a washing machine. I feel the dream fading and am afraid that I will wake up any moment but continue to engage.

The room turns into a mix of the present and past bathrooms as I continue having fun. I can hear the neighbors being noisy and lock the door to make sure no expectation of DC will come to interrupt me. When crossing over near each corner of the room (which helps me uphold the illusion somehow), I also have the peculiar sensation that as I switch walls, I am actually making the room spin around me. I lose my concentration for a bit and the ceiling turns into the floor and I find myself in the bathtub. I go to the corner of the room to start it again but the dream finally fades.

Date: 2 Sept

Pre bed: lecithin

Suspicious early ld fragment: in a room, lucid and talking to a woman with orange hair.

Fragment: something about my mom and me getting up

Fragment: I am a goat and am looking for Angel Falls. I see a fountain and wonder if I could turn this into AF, but find it's not very convenient.

Fragment: Mom has invited relatives

Random fragment: I remember this strange large somewhat non-human human guy being interested in me, trying to keep me somewhere and romantic stuff going on.

LD: I am in the library part of a university building. They are talking about this dark-skinned guy who had 12 kids, but he is only sixteen. There must be some kind of mistake, I think you are referring to his father, this guy is one of the kids. I become lucid, decide to exist the building. There is still some scenario going in the background, some sort of event maybe. My lip gloss is on the floor and I do some TK on it. I want it to fly directly in my hand but it doesn't so I return it and try again until I am able to pull it properly and it lands in my hand. I go out. This is now a mix of buildings from my past. I shortly lose lucidity, looking for a quiet place to take a break. I then recall I have been TKing around and lucid so change direction. The dream starts to fade away and there's nothing I can do about it.

DEILD: I vaguely recall waking up and DEILDing, with the new scene appearing in front of me. Much like those from scratch lds or wilds, I need to hold on to it so that I can fully integrate.

The first thing that catches my attention is a glass full of water and I grasp it for stability. Almost immediately this DC of unpleasant person pain in the butt appears in front of me as well, she moves like a snake and sticks to me like a blanket. I have no interest in staying here so head for the window. Before I do I think I am going to score a few points so think telekinesis and look for something to move. There is a lipstick near the window so I make it fall. Alright.

This DC is still holding on to me and I take a few moments to consider the situation. I know she is a mirror of my thoughts and feelings but how could I not have them. I look at her face and admit I feel aversion. I try to become indifferent. Not sure if I succeed in doing so or my thoughts simply stop for a moment, but this DC unexpectedly lets go of me and drops to the ground remaining motion and expressionless. I realize that she is just an empty phantom projection. The dream fades.

LD: There is some stuff going on that I can no longer recall. I am thinking/doing something lucid initially, but then non-ld scenario distracts me for a bit. They tell me that this friend of mine had posted something on FB about a video! and my other friend also has something to do with it..I can't remember. I see brief images of my friends and the web. I am on something like a flat rooftop, talking to my friend. Awareness level gradually goes up. I know (more on a subcon that con level) that she is no longer with us so I decide to ask her if she is real. Aware that I might influence her answer, I try not to think about it, yet I know that I want her to confirm to me that she is real. I notice her hair, blonder than my expectations, some thoughts about that. Her features slowly change and she looks a bit different but I still treat her like my friend. I ask her a few more times if she is real, but get no answer. I look around a bit, notice some stuff I can't recall, the dream fades.

LD:In the void, I remember I was supposed to look for Xanous, so in spite of the constant feeling that I am about the wake up any moment, I decide I will do that. I concentrate and appear in a room full of people. Room full of people, I remind myself. It is really hard to remember all these dreams already. The room is quite unstable and I hurry forward, looking around to see if I can recognize him among the DCs, also shouting like crazy "Where is Xanous, tell me how to find him", but DCs don't care much. The shouting helps stabilize the dream though. I reach the end of the room or rooms and go outside and see some part of building construction. I don't like the atmosphere outside, it's also high and I don't feel like flying or exploring out there so decide to go back.

The moment I turn my back it looks like some section of a shopping mall, I see a fast food chain and a magazine shop. I am looking at the two from the outside and they are completely separated by a closed door and wall. I try to phase through some sort of glass and handrail barrier to get in the magazine shop, but it changes so I climb the thing and get into the fast food place instead. I go to the counter and order two burgers or something like that. I find it very amusing that I am doing this, they even give me two receipts. There is a typical McDonalds table and I decide I will phase through it, so accelerate towards it and bam! Nothing. I have the feeling that I was thinking at the back of my mind that it is hard object, so I guess that's why I didn't do it. Keep the eyes open thought comes to my mind. Ok, maybe I just look at it too much. I try again and turn the table over, but catch it midair, it is a long table now but the items on it didn't fall out. I feel weird doing a mess at this place and fix the table and stuff as DCs are staring at me.

Somewhat bored now and feeling a bit sexy (actually needed to pee) I decide I might as well have some fun with this DC and go into some sort of sales talk about it. The DC looks at me distressed. Suddenly, I feel very bad about the whole situation thinking "So, I am here, hopping from dream to dream and what do I do - terrorize DCs." I remain in the dream for just a bit more, staring at her and wondering about who she reminds me of as the dream finally fades.

Date: 31st Aug

Pre bed: 200mg valerian, calcium&magnesium

Total sleep time: 7 1/2 hrs

Comments: The night started not so well, as our guest was leaving and traveling in the middle of the night. No, we are not vampires.

Early mini-ld fragment (+2hrs): I am in our family friends' building, it is dark at night and I am running from the thought of something like an alien that can't be beaten up. As I go up the stairs, the last floor keeps on changing. I become lucid but still involved with the dream, I try to figure a way out of the situation. Our family friends (she and him) also appear up there and there are some thoughts of realization? about them and talking. She then says something rude to me that I wonder how to post on DV.

I wake up, still holding the memory of the dream in my mind, at that time fully accessible, but I soon fall asleep. I am woken up by our guest's alarm and we all get up, I have a very hard time falling asleep later. I go into unmemorable sleep for hours.

Fragment: I am angry and break a coffee cup

Fragment: I think I was trying to hook to a dream since I recall doing some repetitive movements in the scene and then the dream fading and I briefly acknowledge this in bed.

Pre ld fragment: I am about the witness a heartbreaking family reunion scene

Pre ld dream: We are in the tram/bus and this woman gives us some brochures with specific info about a female criminal. Nobody knows what this is about just me and my friend. Later on, I am in our old place and want to discuss the stuff with possibly my mom. However, before I do that, a classmate of mine gets me alone in another room, insisting to know what's this all about. I tell him I have no idea and get out the room. I see that he has some spy sound amplifying equipment and I go to my room and look for a some paper to write to mom that he is listening to us. He is also lurking behind the door. I grab a notebook and try to hide it from him.

LD: I am on the street in front of our old home and as I look around, realize this is a dream. I decide I would try to speed fly down the street. I take off and fly at high speed, but the street is not quite straight and I initially have difficulty taking a turn and get off track, then do a bit of maneuvering slightly similar to turning while swimming and am fast flying on the street again. It feels great but the only problem now is I move faster than my expectations so it's a bit uncertain what's in front of me. The street changes to facilitate that and now all I can see is trees on both sides moving closer together and I aim to fly straight in the center of all this.

I slow down, pass through the trees and end up facing something like a lake in the middle of an unknown neighborhood. I briefly wonder whether this would count for summon for the competition. There are houses and buildings to the left. I fly over the lake, feeling as if I am running out of fuel and try to land near the houses/buildings. There is a tall wall that separates them from the lake and I am looking for the right spot. I barely make it to the top of the wall with flying near a house that I like. I take a moment to relax and think about my next steps. The place where I have landed is not part of the wall anymore, but is the top of some structure, as if I am sitting on a chimney. I also perceive this thought as the image of the shadow of me on top of this place, right in front of me. The idea that I get rid of my human shape and jump/float ahead comes to mind.

Before I do anything, I take a look around and see that now am standing on an old bridge where there are the remains of large elephant statues in Indian style as part of the structure. They are extremely beautiful, decorations carved in the stone. I look at another one in front of me and see a date 1995, try to memorize it and as I stare at it the 5 changes into 7. I feel it's not a very good idea to keep staring like this as this may destabilize the dream. I remember CL's tech of boosting dream vividness and want to do that and enhance stability as well. I turn around and now there is a small elephant statue in front of me, so I run fingers on its surface and pat the stone a few times.

Right behind the elephant statue is a street that leads to a small plaza with yet another magnificent statue that I am not sure of what but there is an element that looks like wings with bits of gold on the edges/wing waves. There are lots of kids on the street, I notice they are dark skinned, assume they are Indian. A little girl with short hair and present day clothes comes to me and I decide I will engage in a conversation with her and concentrate as much as possible on that and her features (as if rl). She looks at me smiling, one of the happiest DCs I have ever seen. There is something about that little girl which fills me with both joy and sadness and I ask her "Is this where souls live?", she says yes and goes on that I also live here with her and shows me a building (perhaps close to Italian city style) to my right. She says we live together on the first floor. I am not sure I like living on the first floor, but accept this at the moment as I am very curious to see where I live.

The dream ends and I find myself in bed, contemplating whether to try a DEILD but my nose itches plus I am not very sure I want to mess up this memory. Time to wake up...

Pre bed: 200mg valerian

Total sleep time: 5 1/2hrs, external factors, very tired

Early fragment: many iPhones

Early fragment: I am talking to someone about how I'm about to ld

Woken up, WBTB, insomnia

Fragment: some sort of toy head that is spinning in the water

LD fragment: I am in our old place and see lots of people on the stairs, including an older lady who passed away years ago. After seeing her, it dawns on me that it's a dream. I make a sound to acknowledge the fact that I recognize her as a dream sign (also for the first time!). Not sure if I said something or not to her or others there, but I head down the stairs and exit the building. I think about visiting my friend but this time decide to go to his work since it's really close.

I am on the street now, but feel that the dream is starting to destabilize, so take a moment to fix that. I remember the behave as if real life, but can't figure out how to apply this at the moment. Instead, I turn back to where the fence is and start touching the stone, feeling the surface. It doesn't do the trick and I feel I have very little time left so I just observe whatever is in front of me as I see and feel the dream as if made of liquid energy (same image but like underwater) being gently sucked in an unknown direction until it turns to a light feeling in my head and I find myself in bed..

DEILD: I remain still and fall asleep more from being tired than from trying to DEILD. Yet, I end up in an ld that I unfortunately no longer can recall. Not very nice but it happens.

LD: After the previous dream fades, I find myself in darkness, but it's actually a room. It takes a while but then I can see just a bit better to orientate myself, confirm by the feel of it that this is a dream and that I am in our place. I am slightly amazed since I don't get many lds here. I go to the living room and decide I will phase out the window and press myself against it. However, it feels way too solid, I know I can do it and refuse to believe it's not working so push myself forward. Nothing. I become confused, thinking I may actually be sleepwalking around the house. I decide to go out the good old fashioned way - through the door. I am thinking about doing a quick review of the dreams so that I don't forget. A guy appears in front of me, sitting on the couch. He is quite a good mirror of my thoughts and emotions. Initially, he looks menacing, but as I contemplate what to do here and have a moment of sexy thoughts, he immediately becomes more appealing, making gestures with his hands "come here". Then I tell myself to calm down, inhale exhale metaphorically, sit and relax and he stares at me neutrally.

I am thinking something about the previous dream and wonder if I have performed some tricks to enhance this dream's stability. I wonder if I tried to go to bed in the dream as a way to change the scene and since I feel kind of stuck here, I decide that I will try to do that now. As I go to sleep, the guy lies behind me, pretending he is falling asleep too. I fidget way too much, also get a few moments of are my eyes open or closed, and don't try to open them, until I finally succeed to move my physical leg and wake up.

I woke up but couldn't takes notes on time as I involuntarily fell asleep again.

Dinner: included 3 eggs

Pre bed: 3mg mel

Total sleep time: 6 hrs, lots of insomnia

Early fragment: thinking about ld, this was one of these FA things where you remember a previous lucid then wake up and can't recall anything. Suspicious.

Fragment: I am in our first home and look at some expensive according to mom shoes that she has ordered from India for my aunt. Then she shows me a coat that she has bought. She tries the coat with a handbag and asks me if I like them. The handbag is very ugly and green.

Micro-ld: Near neighbor's entrance and I make place for some people to come in. There is a Japanese breed dog and it starts licking my palm, it licks and licks, I can't detach myself from it. When I finally do, it falls on the ground with a bound of sadness. I am thinking it got so much positive emotion out of licking, it now feels devastated. It tries to get to my hand again and I feel disgusted and want to wash. There are two-three girls, we are going up to wash, one of them is naked, but her breasts are not there, just weird nipples.

The dream skips forward and now we are in a large hall where people receive awards. The girl is part of four of the nominee teams, which are small island countries and Japan. A guy announces his name on the microphone. Then, I see a classmate of mine and wonder what the hell is she doing here. (She randomly appears in dreams). I decide to do a RC and stand up from my chair, saying RC and raising my hand to examine it in a very conspicious manner. My classmate looks at me and replies RC. This looks so nutty, I am fully convinced it's a dream. I can't recall much else, just that I decide to get out of there, but the dream fades and I am back in my bed. I lay still for a DEILD.

DEILD: I appear in an apartment at night in the shower cabin. In the dream I recall about me wanting to behave like this is real life and know that if I do that, it will stabilize the dream. Therefore, I do my best to pretend that this is real life, take a shower, examine the showerhead, carefully trying to simulate proximity to real life. I even use a towel to dry myself. I decide I want to visit my friend, but look in the mirror and see I am wearing only a short T-shirt. I certainly don't want to appear like this in front of him, if I think about my attire when meeting him, but decide it will change by itself as I go along. I have no clue where he lives irl, so decide to try to go to school and see if he is there.

Currently on the fourth- fifth floor, I hang on to the curtain and swing forwards, it elongates and transports me down perfectly. I am in our old neighborhood and need to walk to school although it's quite a risky idea. Slightly above the ground, I do the the curtain swing again, even though nothing is holding the curtain and I know that but don't care. It's pretty effective and I am going fast. I do my best to hold the image of the street as stable as possible. I pass quite a distance for a dream, curtain swinging at tree level, stepping on each tree as I end each swing. It is daytime now. :yumdumdoodledum:

At the end of the street, the trees and buildings begin to lose shape and become a white flowing background. I slow down a bit and the street is back again. I reach a small garden and notice a large war memorial that is not there irl, but the place still looks kind of familiar.

Then, as I move forward, I interrupt my concentration of holding the dream/images and think that CL flies a lot and that maybe that would have been a better option, since I am taking too much dream time. Yet, I reply to myself, that would involve imagining flying over the specific area I need to go and may actually be harder for me. These thoughts take just a moment, yet this is enough for my control over the scene to wane and the scene in front of me changes. It is a smooth change, but it is no longer where I am supposed to be going. I try to go back and change it to the specific location, by turning my back on it and checking it again. It changes again but now it's like a totally different city with an old castle up on the hill. I feel saddened I am not going to make it to my friend and take a turn to the left.

The street changes again and is now a familiar one from my hometown and it leads to school too. Among the crowd, I notice a very unpleasant person from rl and a pain in ass in non-lds. Her eyes look very lively and I feel her aggression. She also says something that's supposed to be irritating to me and I can hear her voice quite well, even though she is not that close. I don't pay attention to what exactly she says but can clearly smell trouble. I wonder how did she appear here among the crowd of DCs walking down the street, I didn't think about her. I begin to worry about her but turn my back, reminding myself that if you don't think about it, it doesn't exist. Yet, I can still feel her presence behind me. I speed up, now flying low above the ground. She is behind me and I feel an upcoming confrontation that I prefer to avoid, so I wake myself up.

I take brief notes and end up with insomnia.

Fragment: I am in a room and there are masks that one wears underwater, but they don't really exist irl. Bf and dream friends come in the room and we talk about something. The water has been running so I turn it off, then this girl looks at where all the water has been going, somewhere underground. There are huge fish there and also normal ones, they expect to be given food.

Fragment: something about bf's mom and food, there are poppy flowers nearby.

LD Fragment: This was a nice, average to long ld, but mostly remember the last part of it as I involuntarily fell back asleep.

I don't feel well, nasty pain, I stop and ask these DCs to tell me what is wrong with me. Something about their appearance strikes me as odd, so I become lucid. I think I ask them how to get better or something.

No memory what happens next, I have been doing stuff in this apartment, talking to DCs, free-styling.

I remember looking myself in a mirror and noticing that I look really nice. I like my dream make up very much and try to memorize it so that I put it the same way irl. I also have some thoughts about trying to manipulate my body in a certain way and see if there is an effect irl.

I go to another room and look at the cupboard, notice a beautiful china milk jug with blue decorations but feel mischievous, so decide to use TK to make it fall down. It falls on the floor and then gets on the the chair in front of me, broken in two. Now, I feel sad and want to repair it. I also think it will be a cool skill to repair things and even have a false memory of repairing something. I try to fit the pieces together and hold them, but it doesn't work. I hear a buzzing sound and me and DCs in the room see some sort of a wasp, maybe twice the normal size and completely brown and shiny. I decide it's time to get out of there and head for the window. There is a beige mosquito net on the window and I try to phase through it but meet some resistance. I remind myself that I can do it and push forward. The net stretches a bit and finally I pass through and fall/fly down.

This part was very pleasant but I don't recall all of it. Basically, I end up flying low over a yard that transforms to meadow with different wild flowers, mostly yellow ones, as the late September sun shines down on the meadow. Absolute beauty and I remain with the scene for as long as I can until the dream finally fades.

Fragment:I end up in another dream for a brief while, making profane gestures with hands.

Woke up happy, fell asleep again, had another short dream I can't recall. Then woke up very worried as I had forgotten the most of the last ld.

Date: 25th Aug

Pre bed: Gingko, Q10, peppermint oil capsule

Total sleep time: 7 1/2 hrs

Dream quality and recall: Vivid, bright colors, some positive moments, some annoying ones, evading recall

Fragment: Some kind of reddish cliffs (similar to AF, but no water)

Fragment: We are in school and there is some activity all of us are participating in. There are mostly sweaters on the desks with numbers on each pile. Each student is assigned a number and we are supposed to take the pile with our number somewhere.

Dream: I meet my special friend and he is very friendly. We sit somewhere and he tells me all kinds of details about his life. Later on, I am at our old home and I can see him in the building in front of ours as he calls me on the phone. I pick up and my voice is barely coming out, I excuse myself but I know the reason is that I am feeling this strange way again...We arrange to meet.

I wake up super happy, but sleepy and decide I will just review in head instead of taking notes.

Dream: I am with my friend again. He is involved with an organization that brings poachers to the top of a hill, but the activity stops after they are discovered. There are no consequences for him. Later we are somewhere talking and he tells me he is working for some sort of zoo. I can't believe it! I actually think this must be fate that he is working for a zoo and I like animals so much. As he tells me about the zoo, I begin seeing images of animals, he says they have over a hundred pandas there and I reply that's impossible, then contemplate on the structure of the place.

We go in this place which has a classical history exhibition. There are huge statues of Greek gods and special effects in each hall. The two I remember are different type of rain that is falling down in the rooms, one next to a statue of Zeus. I worry about my hairstyle due to the rain. We continue our tour and my bf appears to my left. My friend is holding my hand and I wonder about this, he has a gf and we are very good friends in dreams. Three of us stop in a corridor and my friend makes some remarks about us that seem to make my bf jealous. He also comments on his temper. I didn't expect my friend to behave like this and move closer to my bf, each guy is separated by his own window frame.

Fragment: I am in front of grandma and bf's mom who looks like a mix of a teacher of mine and unknown people is recommending some dates for me to travel. I don't want to do this. There was something else as well, I can't remember. My classmate appears and makes a few jokes that improve my mood. Then we are all supposed to listen to the anthem but I couldn't care less. People disapprove of my behavior.

Dream: FA, I am journalling about the previous dream, trying to put the dates from the previous dream down, but the calendar is missing the dates. In the meantime, bf is behind me reading the journal and I feel a bit embarrassed.

Dream: Grandma is sleeping and I am sleeping on her, she changes positions, and I am careful not to wake her up. I have a look at her legs and think about how well she always looked. Then see some veins and other stuff and wonder about age. There is some sort transparent plastic bra/shirt that is filling with blood and I tell grandma who is now awake to take it off. My dad comes to help drain the blood off the device. It looks more like passata and we get into a discussion about what exactly is going on. We have to smell the stuff, now in a cup to confirm what it is, it smells like chicken broth.

LD: I am in my other grandma's kitchen and become lucid. There's a smart looking DC, blond hair, bright clothes, and I say a few words to him. My mind is kind of foggy as I can't remember any tasks I am supposed to be doing. I ask him for help with advanced TOTM and he looks pretty confident and starts walking around supposedly to show me what I should do. I can't remember the advanced task at all! I rely on him to tell me and he says something like "fire". Hmmm, I know there was something related to fire, but still can't remember, was it burn someone's house down or what? I am not sure I want to do this.

Anyways, I move to the next room, which exists only in dreams, it's full of brightly colored objects and number of DCs but I don't take a closer look. I finally remember I have to do the three step task for the competition. Phase. No, interact with DC, ok, already did that. Next one is phase, keep your eyes open. There is a wall but I don't want to go through it as I may end up in the void, so I decide to go through the glass door just next to it. The patterns on the door are such that one only vaguely sees the room and stuff behind it. Keep the eyes open, I remind myself and push forward. As I do, the blurred shapes behind the glass door become sharper in front of my eyes as I get in the room. Absolutely cool effect, I am thinking! I recall CL's enhancing dream vividness tech too, but am not sure how to proceed about it. The dream is quite vivid and stable anyways.

Now in the room, I see two Korean women reading a newspaper. I have a look at what's written there and think about how I am going to describe it. It looks like Korean, yet it isn't as the letters as different. I am beginning to feel exhausted, some sort of weakness plus heaviness in the head, so decide to move on. What was I supposed to do next? Advanced summon, I am thinking about summoning something extraordinary. I am looking out the window while I do this, see the skyline of some unknown city. The idea was to summon Angel Falls, but I feel like dream control is very hard in this place. Yet, the moment I think about the waterfall, right in front of my eyes and in the distance of the city appears a large structure of falling water. I concentrate on it and start manipulating it to make it Angel Falls but get something like a long protruding towards me half of a bridge and the water turns to shredded material that is waving in the wind in my direction.

I am still not sure whether that counts as advanced summon, so look in the other direction where there are yellow trees and see if I can make some special effects appear there. I almost zoom out of the room as I do that, but the dream seems to be fading away so I go back the way I entered and head to the living room. This place still has the layout of my grandma's place. As I go down the corridor, I hear a roar-like sound and think to self "Nooo", anticipating an unpleasant surprise. I cautiously approach the living room only to see an old slightly overweight Thai man trying to fall asleep on the couch. His wife is also there talking to him. He tells me something about me having eat to the fish he cooked and being offended. There's a small piece of fish next to a piece of carrot on the chair and I taste it, tastes like poached salmon. I then go into the kitchen thinking what to do now, having the impression this dream is generally very stable and control might be hard. I compare this to sivanson's cities in the astral and wonder if this is something similar where they might have imposed restrictions on gravity. The dream slowly fades.

I wake and rush to take notes.