obfusc8

11/1/2016 (sun)

ND "Big Web"
The bedroom is painted yellow, so it's not mine. Also there are spiders webs all over it. One corner of the room is covered in a triangular trampoline-like web. A large spider is sitting in one corner of it. Better get rid of it before AB sees it and freaks. It's so large it's going to make a huge mess if squished so I look for a box to capture it in. I find a box under the bed but look back and see the spider has vanished.

In the false awakening that follows I talk to a tall guy and then later give a description of him to some other people.

Long LD 333 "Unicorns and Rainbows"
Breakfast is about to be served, however I really need the toilet. The way upstairs is blocked by a large wooden cabinet. I climb over it and make it to the bathroom. After finishing my business though, the toilet is in the middle of a cafe. People are eating at nearby tables. Well this is awkward... I attempt to wipe my arse but it remains unclean. This makes me partially lucid, enough to realise that there is no need to clean myself.

LT is standing at a nearby table with a pile of salad cuttings that she clears into a bag. We talk about the crap she posts on Facebook, most of which she blames on her children. We start heading out through the door and while walking I realise it's about time to do something with this dream and become fully lucid. Jumping and phasing through the nearest window lands me in a street, where I immediately start looking for a motorbike. None in sight, so I just concentrate on the thought and keep turning around until one appears.

The small silver bike refuses to start. I slam the tank with my palm in irritation, but then spot a car park full of motorbikes and run over to find something else. One looks like a red VFR, that'll do. Again the bike stays silent and the engine wont start. This calls for a lucid trick - fake it. So I twist the throttle and make 'motorbike noises' and start pushing it down the road until it starts working properly. I head down the street and pick up some speed before coming to a T-Junction. Turning right takes me into a small pedestrianised square. Time to do some flying.

Using 'superman' style, I try flying but find it slow and boring. I focus on the opposite wall of the square and attempt to zoom there, but it is still too slow. While hanging off the wall I now stare at the wall on the far side, which is formed of several brick archway-like windows. "I'm already there. I'm already there." I repeat to myself and then launch off, this time hurtling towards the archways and through them at a much more respectable speed.

A hand waves a video tape out of a window as I fly past, so I stop to try and grab it. The hand and tape withdraw, but I decide it's time to land and try and finish off my three-step-task by transforming into a gryphon. My first attempt is by pure willpower and succeeds in making me around 12ft tall, with claws, but not really what I had in mind. There is a spaced-out blonde haired woman standing watching me. "Can you turn me into a dragon?" I ask, changing my mind about the form I want. She smiles and starts chanting a spell which rhymes like a poem. (Forgot the words, but it was cool.)

The spell lifts me up into the air and twists me onto my back, but then dumps me into a metal cage. How rude! The stoned woman has vanished too. Well, the transformation didn't complete, but I still feel large and powerful, so I grab the bars and rip them apart.

On a nearby table is a computer screen showing two tiny figures fighting. As I look closer they stop arguing and one of them holds out his hands. I extend my two index fingers and his tiny hands grab onto them and he pulls himself out of the screen. Neat trick. "Hey, can you turn me into a dragon?" I ask.
"Sure. What type?" On screen are four buttons reading the elements "Fire", "Earth", "Air", "Water". I select air. The tiny figure gestures at me and a tingling sensation covers my body. My hands turn... furry? What the hell? Screw this.

I decide it's not my night for transforming and recall another TOTY - the unicorn one. So I call out for a unicorn. Down the street behind a short wooden fence is a white horse with a single horn on it's nose. The horn doesn't stick out though, but grows out and then bends backwards towards the eyes. Also, the horse has long white hair all over. Nevermind. I climb onto the unicorn's back, noting that it has a hump that is the same shape as a motorbike tank. So I hunch down on it's back as if on a sports bike, resisting the urge to grab it's ears like handlebars.

So I hold on around it's torso. A slightly gruff but female voice says "Oi, don't touch my boobs!"
Instantly my stereotypical British training takes over and I start apologising profusely. "I'm so sorry... I didn't even know unicorns had boobs..."
"Where are we going?" The unicorn asks, starting to walk forwards.
"Well, we were supposed to skewer people on your horn, but I guess we can't do that so... portal it is."
I throw a hand out forwards, towards the far end of the street. A doorway of darkness forms with tiny stars beyond. As the doorway opens slightly further I can see there are now white clouds beyond. The unicorn starts to charge at the portal. I cling on. The portal starts to close. "No, open open open!" I widen the portal a bit but it is still trying to close. I wonder if we are going to make it. The unicorn doesn't see to want to go any faster, she won't be rushed.

We squeeze through just as the portal closes. The floor is made of fluffy white clouds. Around us stand some angelic like figures who all have unicorn horns on their heads, which are rainbow coloured. They are gliding around without wings. Further off there are some bizarre rainbow trees stretching up to the sky.
"We made it!"
The unicorn trots forwards into this strange unicorn-heaven type place, and I wake up.