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    New Dream Adventures of Raven Knight

    The Dark Tower – Riddle Me This

    by , 12-16-2017 at 06:08 AM (491 Views)
    2017, 12-15

    The Dark Tower – Riddle Me This

    I am on board Blaine the monorail. I look around and see that Roland, Eddie, Susanna, and Jake are here. I wonder where MoSh is? It seems like I haven’t seen him around lately. Now Roland is insulting Blaine. He is saying how rude he could be if Blaine was not a mere gadget. He says he could call Blaine a sucker of cocks if he had a mouth. The others are just shocked at this, but I think I might laugh. I stifle my laughter, thinking this might not be the best course of action. Roland and Blaine go back-and-forth for a bit, calling each other rude and stupid, but then they finally come to an agreement. If we can stump Blaine with a riddle, then he has to stop at the end of the track and let us off. If not, he’s just going to slam into the end and turn everyone inside of him into paste. I figured this shouldn’t be a problem for getting everyone off. But it would be best to stall so that we can get the ride across the wastelands. Roland then asks Blaine to leave while we consult with each other. Blaine agrees, and screen at the front of the room turns red.

    Roland lays out a plan for how we are going to do this. Roland says we need to judge how good Blaine is at riddling, and we will each tell one riddle. Susanna first, then Jake, then me, then Roland, and Eddie will go last. After we have chosen riddles, Roland touches the screen at the front of the room to indicate to Blaine that we are ready. Blaine seems more than happy to get going on the contest. Susanna tells a very simple riddle that Blaine seems annoyed by. What has four wheels and flies? Blaine response that it is the village garbage wagon. He says if we have no better riddles than that he will regret saving our lives for even a short time. I also can’t help but notice that he hesitates slightly before giving the answer to this riddle in spite of how easy he says it is. Roland then tells a riddle, which Blaine sends the answer back immediately. No hesitation. It is my turn now. Alive without breath, as cold as death, all in mail never clinking, never thirsty ever drinking. Blaine’s answer is immediate. A fish. Jake tells a riddle, and finally Eddie. What is no sooner spoken than broken? Silence.

    Blaine is just starting to say something when a sliding door at the back of the compartment opens. Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series walks in. We all do a double take. She says this does not look like the Hogwarts Express. I tell her it isn’t. I tell her I can get her back, however. Blaine insists no one is going to leave unless he says so. I ask Hermione if she has a riddle to tell the train? She asks why she would tell a riddle to a train? I tell her the train is an artificial intelligence, and it likes riddles. We are in a riddling contest. Hermine he said she’s heard of artificial intelligence, but never seen one. I tell her now she has. Hermione tells a riddle. First think of a person who lives in disguise, who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies. Next tell me what's always the last thing to mend, the middle of middle, the end of end? And finally give me the sound often heard during the search for a hard-to-find word. Now string them together and answer me this, what creature would you be unwilling to kiss? Blaine comes back with an answer immediately. He does concede that that one is very interesting, however, saying that it’s four riddles wrapped up in one. Hermione still wants to know where we are? Eddie just says she came through the wrong door. Blaine says he hopes we learned something useful. He asks if we need more time to consult? Roland says yes. The screen turns red.

    Hermione goes to the door she came through, but it closed after she entered. There’s no way to open it from this side. Hermione he doesn’t understand how this is possible. Roland says she must be one of our ka-tet. We decide that Roland will tell riddles to Blaine on his own for a while. He touches the screened indicate he is ready to continue. We ride on while Susanna, Jake, and Hermione try to figure out how to open the door. Eddie seems to have zoned off into some other world inside his mind. Roland cranks out the riddles, and Blaine cranks out answers. I go over and talk to Hermione. I ask if anything strange happened before she came in? She says no, she had just been helping Neville look for his missing toad. She had been opening the door at one of the compartments, but instead of walking into a passenger compartment she walked into here. She hadn’t intended to step into the room, but the train had bumped and sent her stumbling forward. I tell her I will get her back to the Hogwarts Express. Susanna mutters that I am assuming we get out of this alive. Hermione asked what she means by that. Susanna did not mean to say that, and she looks regretful. Hermione at this point is 11 years old, and I don’t think Susanna intended to burden her with the full truth. But now it’s too late, it’s either the truth or lie. Susanna tells Hermione that Blaine is malfunctioning. And if we don’t stump it with a riddle before we reach Topeka, it’s going to run itself off the track and kill us all.

    This continues for a while, until Blaine says we’re running out of time. I noticed Eddie still seems zoned into another dimension. After Roland runs out of riddles, Jake tell some from his book. Blaine solves all of those very easily as well. Then I tell if riddles that I remember. Blaine answers all of those as well. Even a couple that I thought might have been rather secure in their dimension. Hermione even has a few riddles. Blaine is apparently not fooled by riddles from the Harry Potter world. It seems that we are now out of riddles. Blaine asks everyone here once more if we have any riddles? He asks Roland of Gilead, Oy of Midworld, Jake New York, Susanna of New York, Raven Outworld, and Hermione of Outworld. The only one he conspicuously skips is Eddie. And yet it is Eddie that speaks up and says he has a few riddles to pass the time.

    Eddie hesitates for a bit, and then asks the same riddle we started with. What has four wheels and flies? Blaine is clearly annoyed. He says that Eddie is too stupid to even remember that one has already been told. It’s the village garbage wagon. And yet, in spite of the fact that this riddle has already been told, Blaine gives off the slightest pause before answering. Eddie asks Blaine another one. A big moron and a little moron walk out onto a bridge. The big moron falls off. Why didn’t the little moron fall off? There are some strange clicking noises, and then Blaine starts bitching. He whines that is not a proper riddle and says he will not answer. Roland says if Blaine refuses to answer, he has lost the contest. Roland asks if this means Blaine cries off? Blaine says no. He seems to stammer a bit, and then says the little moron didn’t fall off because he was a little more on. He says he feels soiled from answering that riddle. Eddie rubs his finger and his thumb together, and when Blaine asks, Eddie says that is the world’s smallest violin, playing My Heart Pumps Purple Piss For You. This goes on for a bit longer. Lights in the room are flashing, the walls are not staying opaque, and I think Eddie may have broken Blaine’s brain. Voice of little Blaine keeps telling Eddie to stop, says that he’s killing Blaine, but what exactly was Blaine trying to do to everyone on board? So Eddie keeps telling his bad riddles, why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled the chicken.

    Finally it seems the Blaine circuits have completely shorted out. The walls become permanently opaque, the lights go dim except for some emergency lights, and the train is now just coasting forward. We are going to crash. Everyone gathers at the back of the room, and I create a stasis bubble around all of us. So when we crash, in spite of things flying around the room in disarray, no one is hurt. The door that Hermione entered through is even forced open. We force it open the rest the way, and I see the Hogwarts express on the other side. Hermione goes quickly through, and then something collapses blocking the way. A ladder drops down from an escape patch in the ceiling. I am figuring we are all going to go through it, but instead I wake up.
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