Smudgefish

Worst recall ever - lack of sleep and too much work, and personal problems.

All I remember is standing in a wooden shed looking at a plastic pot of weedkiller. I think my father might have been there and I was talking to him about it.

I was cooking a meal for only about 6 people. They were sitting in a room waiting for their food. Some people that I didn't like, who I went to medical school with, were taking the orders. I had started cooking and erturned to look at the orders. They were a total mess and I was really angry with the people taking the orders because they had got it wrong and I was cooking the wrong things. I desperately tried to get it in order and work out what people wanted and went back to the kitchen. Cooking went on forever. I realised that I had only cooked a few roast potatoes and had to start again. I threw some finely chopped potatoes in to try to cook something quickly. Then I cut some steaks and put them on to cook. Everything was getting really complicate and felt out of control. I looked at the clock and another hour went by. I realised that the potatoes still weren't cooked and I hadn't done enough again, and the steak was now overcooked. It was turning into a disaster.

Starting to get exhausted from work again, so recall dropping.

1) I was a student again and went to visit a friend at halls of residence. My wife was with me. We arrived at the halls and went to the shop another friend gave us bags of dirty clothes and asked us to give them to the other friend to wash. We walked to a phone box and phoned. He wasn't in, so we went up to visit someone else. There were a group of people there. I was looking through the wiring of the phone system and thinking how complicated it was. Then we phoned through to the original friend and got his girlfriend on the phone, she kept me hanging on for ages and wouldn't give me her flat number, eventually she gave me her floor number and said to phone when we got to the floor, I promised to be really quick and just hand over the clothers to be washed. I noticed the time and said to my wife that we had half an hour to do that, drive home, eat lunch then get to lectures.

WILDed before sleep - lots of sinking sensations and sensations of moving around.

1) I was stood at the back of my house with a work colleague. I was pointing with a stick at some overhead power lines showing him where there was a fault, he asked about a church in the distance I knew he was looking for a house locally and was thinking about converting it. We went into the lounge and I introduced him to our neighbour who has converted an old building and now lived in it. Then I was walking back down a corridor past my guitar and turned the corner, I loked back and the guitar had started playing itself, I knew that something supernatural was happening. I woke in my bed and saw the guitar standing by the wall in my bedroom, I knew immediately that I was still dreaming. I wanted to look at my hand to check that but couldn't move, although I just caught sight of my hand and it wasn't right. I thought that if I couldn't move I would try to OBE so concentrated on trying to move upwards, that didn't work. I tried to sit up - that was hard work! but I managed it, then I tried to move my legs, that was really difficult, I moved them and swung around, my body felt very difficult to control and feather light. My legs sort of floated down on top of my wife and I was worried I might wake her up. I was stuck by my pelvis, so I sort of flopped my legs and head down over the side of the bed thinking that I might just drop down onto the floor. I could see the carpet. Nothing happened I was still stuck by my pelvis. At this point it was such hard work and I was feeling very strange so I returned properly to my body and woke myself up.

2) I was on the phone to a DV friend. She insisted on talking in her own language and I couldn't understand a word, I think she thought it was funny, eventually she started talking in English. We had something to discuss, and I said it was nice to hear her voice and we said goodbye.

3) I was with a work colleague from many years ago when I was 20. We got in the lift together at a hotel, someone else got in and we went to the ground floor. I went to a bog desk to pick up a jumper, I was going with a big group of people out on a trip and had to be with them by 9am. I asked for my jumper and was told to wait. I looked at my watch and it was already 9.45. I saw the queu of people behind me being served. the lady was giving out suitcases and polishing them up for the other customers. I gave up waiting, but had missed the trip. The I was in a sort of nightclub type room there was a dog there, I cuddled it and noticed that it had a serious head injury and a maggot was crawling out of the injury. I asked and was told that the vet had already seen it and given antibiotics. I wake through to another room in the hotle. There were people around the room selling services, I remembered that there was a list given out before listing all the things that would be there. I read the notice in front of a stall - I couldn't understand what it was all about and asked the man there as it looked like he was selling drugs, he insisted that he wasn't but I still couldn't understand exactly what he was selling.

Forgot to write my journal this morning so my memories are very muddled:

1) Wandering around a large greenhouse with corridors, getting ready for visitors, standing by a large wooden table doing something. Lots of very famous people were expected. I remember that Saddam Hussein was there. Then there were more famous people arriving it was a hot sunny day and they were all extremely rich. I watched a couple get out of a very expensive sports car, they were both dressed in designer clothes with very expensive gold watches, the wife was having a go at her husband about something I thought they looked extremely rich and spoilt and didn't like them. Everyone was arriving and walking to the building opposite which was a hotel. Then I was sat in a corner and I had a small radio, I think it was a walkie talkie but I was playing with the aerial and trying to tune it in.

2) Sitting in a chair reading a newspaper, I dropped something into it (?food) and folded it in half. I remember thinking that it was good to feel my emotions, I can't remember why though.

1) In a road looking at a building which appeared a bit unusual. I realise it is an old hospital with an imprint of the new planned hospital on a big frame on material hung around it. I went into the building but can't remember what I did in there, I think I might have thought about dreaming. then I was in a car and I had to get home, I drove north through the city and started heading out on a very long road, I looked at a map and realised it was the wrong direction and turned around, I think I was with other people and said goodbye.

2) I was at the start line of a half marathon. I was with my wife and worried that I was wearing too many clothes, it was my best coat and I knew I would have to drop it off later on during the race. We were called forward to another start line and I was right at the front. It was a false start, I dawdled getting back to the start and got back just as the race was starting again. Now it was a tight funnel and I had to climb in over the top of metal railings, a friend was marshalliing the start and he help people up so I could climb down. I remember looking at my watch and pressing the start button as I crossed the start again.

1) I was in a class and was asked to read. I looked at the page and couldn't understand the writing, looked back and it had changed. I knew immediately that I was dreaming, but looked at a hand to check and it looked very odd. For some reason I remember then thinking "I'm dreaming" but it shouldn't be like this, and lost lucidity immediately. I was then in a playground and I can't remember anything else from that dream.

2) Looking back over a skyline and seeing a tennis court with 2 high chairs at each end. Then I was playing football with a boy with a tennis ball.

3) Looking at a clockface, it was raised and golden. The clock was really old and in a wooden case. I was fiddling with the mechanism and adjusting how fast the clock was going. Then I was with someone else and it was like being in school we had to collect our drawings from the week, I collected a few they were some that I remember my children drawing when they were younger. Then I was in a university canteen chosing lunch. I looked at all the food and remember it in detail. There was a vegetarian moussaka, a girl sitting to the side had her elbow in the salad of the one I wanted and I was abit annoyed that she was touching it but decided to have it anyway. The serving lady said I had to eat the salad first then she would heat up the moussake. I ate the salad then she took it away to put it in a microwave. I looked at the time and notice dthat I had an appointment and couldn't be late so rushed off and didn't have time to eat. Other things happened that I can't remember. Then I was outside an old people's home and someone had been put into an ambulance thatset off on blue lights, it didn't go very fast and I was discussing with someone about why they bothered using blue lights.

4) I was stood by the front door of my childhood home. There were two black panthers outside, and I was struggling to lock the door so they couldn't come in. Then my family arrived home in the car, I could see my wife looking at the panthers. A young man was then fighting with one of them, he was losing and he was bleeding heavily from his neck. My family came over to the door with the young man, they were talking at the front door rather than getting in and I started kicking one of the panthers. I think I woke up then.

Left it too late to remember much detail:

1) Roller skating, but I was travelling long distance. I came to a massive road junction, I was high in the sky going over a flyover.

2) I was buying a house. Stoon in the kitchen of someone's house. A man that I was buying the house from said something about giving me some money and I told him that I was too honest and wouldn't tkae his money off him.

1) I was in the dining room of my childhood house (again!) talking to a colleague(?) who handed me a wallet belonging to another doctor. I felt that there was something seriously wrong and felt something evil about the wallet. It fell to the floor and seemed to move by itself, I started to feel very uneasy. I phoned the doctor who owned it, no answer so I left a message. Then things started to get very strange. Things were moving around on the floor. The wallet jumped at me. I was stood in the corner and started to feel freezing cold, I could see my breath. I turned around and asked the person with me what was going on. We both knew that a very evil presence was with us, it turned into a nightmare. I was breathing very fast and woke up.

2) Driving down a road came to a big dip in the ground that was full of thick fog. Drove into it very slowly, with bright headlights on I could only just see enough to crawl through very slowly. Came up the other side and went for a walk in some woodland. Had to drive back through. The fog was clearer now and I could see more and got through more easily.

- set off for work this morning and immediately hit a thick fog bank - strange

1) Sitting around a table. Very small portions of food. I complained to the woman sitting next to me and she agreed they were getting smaller. I asked for some more but just got a teaspoon of gravy added to the side of my plate. Bit of a theme here.

2) It was lunch time in a school canteen. The children were all rushing over to get their lunch. I had to serve so moved a serving table around and cleared all the rubbish off the top of it. Continuing the food theme.....

3) I was with a patient and noticed that he was interested in lucid dreaming, congratulated him and told him that I was interested as well but hadn't had a lucid dream yet

Woke lots last night but too tired to write dreams down, so forgot most of them.

A very depressing dream

1) In the lounge of an old stately home with big windows. it was dark and foggy outside, we had to go outside to look for the dog. We were chasing around moorland. Then an old 'friend' appeared who used to bully me at school, he started to make fun of me, he was trying to get me to buy a really tacky loking old mirror with plastic on it I think as a present for someone, and I refused and he made fun of me even more. Then I was in the kitchen of my childhood home, there was a pile of presents on the table, I opened the ones from my mother to me. They were obviously very expensive, I think she had bought them in the shop of the stately home we had just been in. I didn't like them though, then started to feel very depressed and angry with myself that I didn't appreciate her presents. About now I think my parents mentionned that they had booked a weekend away for themselves for Easter and started telling me how marvellous it was, and I was jealous. I thought that killing myself would be the only way out, but decided that I didn't agree with suicide. A half empty plate of food landed on the kitchen table, I asked if dinner was being served, my mother told told me yes and I needed to go and get some, she poured herself another glass of wine and walked off. I went to the dining room, my whole family including grandparents were sitting around the table and had almost finished without even inviting me, there was no plae mat or cutlery in my place. I started to get some food but my brother and a friend had started clearing up and moved everything before I could get much food. I followed them to the kitchen but still couldn't get at the food a they were all crowding around so I gave up.
This was the saddest dream I can ever remember. I woke up feeling very depressed and suicidal, then realised that this was real life and that I am actually quite happy.

1) A triffid plant was eating people in the top floor of a building. Then I was standing ouside the entrance to the building with my wife and children, they decided to go in becasue it was actaully a department store. Then they were showing me pictures of the plant and it was grown every year from seed and produced wonderful fruit and people loved it.

2) I was sitting in the lounge of an old peoples home. We were talking to my grandmother but she was completely demented. There was another man and his son sat talking to another old person. The there were several young people in the corner, not sure where they cam from, but I could tell they were very intelligent, we talked to them. Somehow the subject of playing musical instrumetns came up and someone told my brother to get his trumbone so he went off to get it and everyone else got out their instruments. I felt a bit stupid because I didn't play anything.
Suddenyl we were outside and I saw a very old friend from school ride by on a bike.

3) Vague memory: wanting a nice drink and looking through very old grotty bottles for a drink, lot more to this one, can't remember.

4) In a house, walking between rooms. The outside with my father in law and a friend of his, looking at the back garden, explaining that they couldn't dig any deeper because of all the rubble in the ground. I went to look and remembered that it was like that when I tried and explained how I used a pick axe. Then I realised we were trying to dig a swimming pool and wondered why they hadn't dug where I had marked it out. Then I was having a conversation with his friend and he had trapped me into coming to his house to do some work and was discussing where I would stay. We got onto a train in the back garden just to go one stop, suddenly we were coming back, my wife was chattering and we missed the stop and I got very annoyed with her.

Slept for almost 12 hours. Didn't write anything down when I woke expecting to remember the dreams but of course didn't so only remembered one.

1) Something about one of my children's teachers. She was living in a small one bed flat. I used it to sleep in, then a very old friend of mine turned up and wanted to sleep there. Then the teacher was there, I needed to sleep and she said I could, but her friend was also there and there were only two beds, but she would work something out. All a bit muddled.

No recall, zero, for the last 2 nights.
Had a strange one last night not sure how to classify it!

1) I was talking to my wife in bed, she said something about throwing a pillow (or cushion?) off to the side and it would be strange if it moved on its own. I thought, no, that would be fun because it would be supernatural. Then I was WILDing (in the dream) and it was working I heard really loud noises, quite deafening, and I felt myself vibrating all over. I thought at last! it's working, it's frightnening but it's working, I remembered everything I have been told and tried to think of a dream scene, that didn't work. I went with it for a while and tried to move my dream body to get an OBE, but that didn't work. Then I tried force my eyes open remembering that I should enter a dream that way. I couldn't so I started to panic. I tried to move but realised I was paralysed and the noises and vibrations were getting more intense. I could sense my wife next to me and I could here her talking, and someone else talking the other side of me, I thought my wife must be dreaming as well. Then I force my eyes open and I could see my wife but I still couldn't move and I still had really loud noises happening and I thought this isn't right I'm stuck in some sort of weird state and might never get out of it - it was either a nightmare false awakening or a sleep paralysis that seemed to go on forever. Then I think I woke up properly, it was midnight, and was able to move, it all went silent at last.

2) Finding a seat in a canteen, I moved to another room in the canteen and sat next to an old lady she looked all alone and she was quite angry. Next I was sta at a table for some reason I was handed a sample in a sealed glass jar, I put it down and it smashed. A nurse told me to fix the bottle with sticky tape and it would be fine, so I did.

3) I was moving towards a big gate in a Star Wars type scene. There were storm troopers moving toward me and I was shooting them and I hit a few and they fell.

4) Racing a car around a dirt track

5) In a bank, someone else arrived and was annoyed becasue they wanted to rob the bank and I already had, so they went away.

6) An old childrens playhouse that I was trying to burn. It had a load of other old wood on top of it. It wasn't burning well, so I was trying to put dry tinder under the roof to get it going better. There was someone inside and I just managed to get them out as the fire took. I looked back and the firewood on top still wasn't burning very well. The detail in this dream was very good.

7) In a football stadium, can't remember too much, but I was more concerend about what was happening in the terrace and never looked down becasue I'm not interested in football. In the same dream I was thinking about which girl I fancied as if I was about 18 again, and I was writing down on 2 pages in a book something about myslef, and something about the girl I fancied to compare us, for her I wrote a phrase 'Don't be such a dipstick Charlie Brown', not sure why.

Sitting in classroom with a large window on one side, it's dark and raining outside. Several other people sat in a circle with me and a teacher wandering around. The other people seem like children but also adults at the same time. I was asked to read, looked at the text read something but looked back and it had changed - the teacher pointed out the paragraph I should have read - so I made lots of excuses why I had read it wrong first time and felt a bit stupid.
I looked out of the window and thought that the other students would be out in the rain doing sprt and I was quite jealous and wanted to be out there as well.