Smudgefish

Frustrated!! My first moment of almost lucidity 2 nights ago and since then my recall has been next to nothing.

Last night this is it:

1) I was at school and for some reason didn't have my school uniform to wear that morning so I was allowed to go home to get it.

2) Chasing someone down a train - I think they were suicidal and we have to find them before it was too late.

1) On a wooden ledge high up, feels like it's the outside of someone's house. The wind starts up and I'm not normally too afraid of heights but I became absolutely petrified and couldn't move.

2) I found an old friend sitting on a bench. Somehow I managed to get him to tell me why he looked uncomfortable, he had sciatica. I blirted it out to another friend and he looked really angry with me.

3) With my daughter in a room. The door opened and a dentist called me through, we walked into her room. She bent down next to me and I made a funy joke about her putting her hand in my pocket.

4) A flying cat - it landed on the ground and found it's mother lying on the ground dead. Very emotional at the time.

FAILED REALITY CHECK

1) My wife is driving a car, we have to get across a wide gap.

2) I in the garden of my old house. I'm running around doing laps and timing myself. It's midnight so I decide it's time to go in and start picking up my things. I see my father looking down from his bedroom window. I unplug everything (there are mains sockets at the end of the lawn) and have difficulty holding everything. Then I'm in the house, for some reason I'm in the front bedroom and I'm trying to clean some marks off an old cupboard. Then I'm at the back and I'm cleaning a toilet using a high pressure hose. A man walks in behind me and he is angry that I woke him and his family up, so I explain that I didn't realise there was anyone else in the house. He seems quite happy with my explanation and we end up chatting like friends. The scene shifts and I'm outside a pub in Hampstead and I have just bought a pint of beer. The landlady comes over to me and says I have to have my pint inspected by a pub inspector, there's a sticker on the window telling me that this could happen so I accept it and walk inside. The inspector looks at my beer and puts it on the table whislt I sit and wait. He starts eating some cake but doesn't offer me any, then some of his colleagues behind him talk about getting some lunch and order sandwiches, the inspector asks me if I know where the ladies toilets are as his colleague needs to go. I notice that he has drunk most of my beer so I give up and walk outside feelign a bit disappointed. I think how late it is and I need to get home but home is miles away so I need to get to my old house in Hampstead to get some sleep, but then start worrying that there won't be any sheets for the bed. I walk up a hill and it's very grassy with a lovely path through the trees. Then I get into an old house and I find myself in a back room - it's slightly odd becasue it's dug straight into the soil with a door higher up and the door is locked. I THINK THIS IS EXACTLY THE SORT OF THING THAT WOULD HAPPEN IN A DREAM AND DECIDE TO LOOK AT MY HANDS, I SEE I HAVE 2 THUMBS BUT CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I COULD REALLY BE DREAMING AS IT ALL SEEMS TOO REAL, I DO A MEMORY CHECK BUT REMEMBER THAT I WAS IN A PUB A WHILE AGO, LOOK BACK AT MY HANDS AND I HAVE 2 OF ALL MY FINGERS. I THINK THAT I AM REALLY TIRED AND CONCLUDE THAT I MUST BE SEEING DOUBLE AND CARRY ON, I'M CONVINCED THAT IT CAN'T BE A DREAM AND IS REAL. As I walk outside through another door I look at a sign and my vision is back to normal so I'm happy. I walk into a shop looking for a comic, and now I'm carrying my dog with me, I have to push past a security guard dressed in red to get out of the shop.

Poor recall today.

1) In some sort of large airy conference area. Lots of straw bails around, and people walking about. I think my wife was selling drinks.

2) I'm a doctor in some unusual town. I'm asked to do an urgent home visit - it's someone famous but he doesn't actually need me once I arrive. Being driven home we spot a vet stood on a corner as we turn around.

1) I'm sitting in a canteen I can see through a wall in front of me and I think that must be because I threw invisibility dust on it. I'm talking to someone next to me. To my right it becomes a fairground and I walk into it. I'm on duty with St John Ambulance (something I did regularly in my youth). I'm walking around through fairground stalls, it's dark. I'm at a briefing there's an advert showing on a TV screen about lorries joking with each other I laugh and realise I'm the only one laughing. Then I'm in a queue for doughnuts there aren't many left and the queue is long so I give up. I walk around and talk to some people on an ambulance then walk around more. I'm wearing uniform and I hear the radio going off in my pocket. Next I'm in a car with my wife and we are driving somewhere with an important officer in the back. Suddenly we realise he has gone and we discuss that we haven't stopped so he must have got out to go to the loo whilst we were driving and we should go back for him. We drive a bit further and turn around, I recognise a house and think that's the person who looked after our rats whilst we went on holiday (seemed reasonable at the time), we then walked a while I discuss with my wife how I really want a backpack that makes me fly and promise I'm going to buy one. We start driving back to look for the officer. Then we are back with a crowd of people and get onto a bus to go back home after the St John Duty. We suddenly remember that we never got the officer back and ask the bus to turn around. The driver says she can't because she will run out of petrol and drops us off so we can walk back. We go to the nearest village. My wife goes off whilst I search on my phone for where we are going to I specifically remember typing in 'Wanting' as the name of the place. The I'm surrounded by 3 men who steal my phone - I beg them to give it back to me becasue without it I will be totally lost. they throw it on the ground and leave. I pick it up and realise it's not my phone and it's smashed anyway. My wife comes back, we are totally lost.

2) Driving into London following my wife's car that is radio controlled by me. I lose control as we get into the London Streets and I'm trying to concnetrate on drivng my own car and controlling my wife's car. I run over a roundabout that is immaculately planted with flowers and then I'm drunk, a bottle of beer is held in front of me in the car by wire and foam is spilling out. I panic and get out of the car. I'm on a moped I turn right then left and I go through a doorway and into a student's flat, through more doors, turn around and back out onto the street. I look back at the car abandoned on the roundabout, someone has already come to fix the roundabout. Next I go back through the door and it's a pub. The landlady is there and it's her birthday. I recall taking stitches out of her big toe and thinking that it's going to be painful after, she is under anaesthetic. I talk to her husband I have bought her a new car for her birthday and parked it at the back I ask him if he's going to give her the keys. I'm walking up some steps holding onto the railing, her husband tells me that he thought I was going to be really boring but he likes me now becasue we went out and I got drunk. His wife is awake from the anaesthetic and walking to the back to see her new car. There is a puppy in the kitchen and it's wet the floor. The new car becomes a hoover, I have a conversation with the husband and offer to clean up the mess he tells me that I can't. Next I'm hovering up the main bar around the fire, it's a cobbled floor but as I hoover I notice it's just cobbles printed on a sheet that gets sucked up as I clean. There's sawdust everywhere.

3) There's a box with 2 rats in it. They are very unwell. I take them out and think about how I can resuscitate them and notice there are alos 4 baby rats there.

1) In a tent. An old work colleague was in charge and insisted that the layout had to be a particular way to comply with CCG guidelines. I was holding a baby.

2) I parked my car. Then in a hotel looking out of the window. It felt as if I was much younger. I could see a factory miles away and there was an explosion and smoke filling the sky. Then the whole building was shaking and something like lava was flowing it filled up the area around the hotel. I went downstairs to the kitchen and there was panic, then went back upstairs and into another room. I could hear someone hacing sex on the other side of the wall.

3) In a forest I had to go and find some short spikey twigs for some reason. In the distance I heard a large tree crack and saw a large branch fall to the ground. The scene shifted and I was at a table with some women. I was given an instruction manual on feeding babies and told to fill it in every day, I commented that my children were 9 and 11 and that I didn't need it and screwed it up.

- All these dreams represented something in real life from about 4 days ago (watched a program about Pompeii, and had been reading about baby feeds at work)

Worst recall ever this morning.

Few memories of doing something at school. Being stood outside the main hall as everyone came out of assembly.

Walking into a shopping arcade, but everything was closed.

That's about it!

Had to rush to work this morning so didn't write my journal. Can't remember too much now.

1) Cycling in the town I used to live in. Turned around then stopped. I was with some people. Opened up a drink and it sprayed all over a friend, he wasn't too bothered.

2) In a class of some sort. I was watching a weird magic show. Two people were dressed up in silly suits sitting in a large aquarium which got filled with water. I think they were going to try to escape from it.

1) At a London Tube station. I need a travel card. Someone tells me the exact price £2.30. The ticket machine is located at the far side of the station on the other side of a gap so I have to lean across the gap to ge to the machine. I drop some of my change down the gap. I have to scramble down the gap to get the change but it's a narrow gap so it takes some effort. When I get down to the level below there is another ticket machine but for some reason I can't use it. I find my change buit it's only 5p and realise that I had enough anyway. I climb back up. Now a car has parked in front of the ticket machine, then a lorry pulls up and double parks. I have to climb over them. I'm not sure if I ever actually got the ticket.

2) I'm in my local town in a shop, not sure why I'm there. I notice some of the receptionists from work working in it and think of course this is my local town, why shouldn't they be working here as well? I walk over the road and into a Chinese Restaurant. I notice a very large table with a lot of people at it and recognise a few of them then realise it's all my work colleagues and it's our night out. A group photo is being taken so I find my place at the table. I'm a bit disappointed about who I am sat next too they are a bit boring. I notice that all the other tables in the restaurant have been cleared away and we are the only people there. Everything shifts and suddenly I'm at a table with only about 6 other people and the rest of the restaurant is full of people at tables I watch them all eating. I ask what just happened and everyone seems unaware as if nothing has happened. A waiter comes over and tells us that we need to go downstairs to get pudding as it's self service. I set off downstairs through a maze of corridors and doors. All the good food has already gone I spend a long time looking around at what is left and eventually decide the only option is sponge and custard, the custard is in large jugs covered with a layer of warm water, I laddle some out it's very lumpy.
I'm at Hampstead Heath it's daytime and I talk to someone then I walking barefot back towards the road avoiding the sharp thistles in the ground. I reach the top of the hill in Hampstead and it's night and I'm on my way home from the work party I realise that I'm lost and my phone isn't working I decide to put a wire from where I am to the Royal Free Hospital the I will know where I am. I start nailing the wire to a wall. Then other people appear and it's a police investigation, the wall becomes the outside of someone's house, the officer knocks on his door, TV cameras are everywhere. Someone opens the door and is wearing a suit, there are mumbles from the press behind me about why he is wearing a suit and he must be guilty. The officer asks him to explain what he is wearing as it is most unusual. He makes a very clever comment about pop groups wearing suits and everyone laughs and I think how clever he is. Next we are all writing down hundreds of names of pop groups, I ask the person next to me why we are doing this in the middle of an important police investigation, he tells me it's fun and I feel like a complete killjoy.

Late night after very long day at work. Very bizarre disorganised dreams last night.

1) Driving down a busy dual carriageway and I realise I'm going the wrong way. I have to turn off as quickly as possible, and I get into a petrol station. There are little furry cartoon like foxes serving customers. I pull back out onto the dual carriageway then off again. Then I'm walking down a spiral staircase in a dark very old brick building. I reach the bottom, then my memory fails.

2) This is a whole collection of semi-related scenes:
- walking outside my house with my mother we see someone picking the paint off a window as if looking to buy the house, but we had only invited them around to vist, then we see someone else in the house without permission looking around again obviously interested in buying the house
- eating supper with my wife and children, we remember that there are lots of guests still outside and it's dark, there are a few visible outside the window,and talk about whether we should go outside again. My wife suggests I have a quick drink with hte guests and then I can set off to where I was going (?where).

3) Sitting in a cinema, I shine a very bright torch onto an usher walking along the front row and think it's funny. A film starts it's pictures of a very nurdy person explaining about the 'Ben 10 fraud collection' and pictures of him grinning showing off things that people have pretended to be genuine Ben10 items. Then he is demonstrating a remote control helicopter that is the size of a hand, it looks quite impressive. Then I'm out in a garden being shown the helicopter, and then we are in a garage. Somehow we are playing with paint and it flips all over the person I'm with, I think it was my old room mate from medical school. He says it doesn't matter he is wearing old clothes anyway.

4) Sitting up in the balcony at an odd concert where someone is reading out a speech. Next door Blink182 are also doing a concert so I keep running across to watch a bit of that. Then the concert I am at is on TV and it becomes very moving. A man with a very badly fitting toupee is playing the organ and the crowd goes mad, he smiles to the camera. I look behind me and another female friend from medical school is in tears.

5) I have put several very large live maggots in a brown roll and I start eating them. They taste amazing. Then I realise that I'm vegetarian and start to feel very sick, although I'm still amazed how good they tasted.

I have so many dream fragments I remember this morning. I can remember a lot of detail about what I saw in my dreams, the plots remain quite vague.

1) I'm in bed. there are two other men with me one of them is famous. A woman is telling us that we need to practice our routine (for some sort of show?). I offer to get the vegetables ready and walk over to a sink where there is a bag of greens to chop up, they look a bit yellow. I start chopping and realise that most of them are mouldy and there are insects all over them. I show it to the woman. I have to go to the shop to get more vegetables. I remember in detail the path up to the shop, I'm running, jumping past other people and their dogs, over some rocks I see my feet landong on the rocks and lots of stones on the ground. I get to the top of the path and there's a GP surgery there I try to get in but it's the wrong side and I have to go around to the front. then I'm back in the hotel room, it gets a bit sexual for a while, then I have to go back out to the shop (can't remember why). I'm in the hotel lobby and I have a conversation with one of the staff. then I'm back out on the path. I have to cross the road.

2) At some sort of large holiday complex. I can't remember the order of events exactly. I'm outside and I start tieing my shoelaces, a child sits down beside me, then an official looking woman comes up to me and starts telling in French that I should not ask a child to sit next to me. I tell her I can't speak French, then we have an argument in English and I tell her that the child came and sat next to me, we agree to disagree. I'm inside with a group of people a childrens's entertainer is setting up, he tells us that everyone on camp has a 'routine' and I tell the group that I've seen it before and I'm going outside. I take a long time sorting out what I need to take with me from my coat. I step outsode and look across at the mountains they are covered in snow I can see it extends right down to just a short way away. There are 2 main ski runs down the side of the main mountaintop, they look quite scary near a ledge and very tight turns, I tell my wife I'm going for a walk but I'm going to fly so I won't be long, and tell her I'm going up to look at the snow. I stand a bit longer and watch some people skiing down another run.

3) I'm in a room with a window looking out onto a snowy scene. Then I'm with a young girl and we are watching something happen outside, I think she was a bit frightened and I made her feel better.

4) In some sort of spy film. I'm on the phone saying that I can help with a mission, looking at some sort of advert. The man on the end of the phone suddenly becomes unwell and has to go. Vague recollection of the rest of the dream, something about walking around a large vehicle.

Another late night, which always seems to mess up my dream recall, got to get to bed earlier tonight.

1) Being driven through the old town I used to work in. I remember driving past some run down areas (that don't actually exist) and noticing that they were now looking as if they had been tidied up and planted with flowers. We drove into the town and I commented that I didn't realise how big it was my wife told me that it had always been this big and I thought 'yes it has'.

2) Walking into a train with a kitten, it's a very young version of our cat. It jumped onto the roof of the train and I managed to get it down eventually. We walked on board then it became an aeroplane I went to the front and asked a stewardess if we could bring the cat and she said yes if it is put in a special cupbord. I put the cat in a carrying box and put it in the cupboard.

3) Not much remembered from ths one. I was stood next to a low wall with my wife. She handed me a laptop and got annoyed because one of our children had put a CD in wrong and it looked damaged. I took the CD out and gave it back to my wife.

Numerous times I could have noticed my hands in these dreams: carying the kitten, reaching up for it, holding the laptop.

At some sort of stadium. There is a fire burning in the distance and I watch it. Somehow then I'm with a group of young people and there is some sort of game going on, I can't remember much more than that.
Then I'm walking down the side of a football pitch inside the stadium and thinking what a long way the walk is, although actually it's not that far. i get to the other side, go through a door and then i'm in a garden. I'm setting up a tent, I don't like where it is so I pick it up and move it somewhere else then I'm happy with the position and think about starting to set up the inside of the tent so I can go to sleep.

I scribbled a few notes about another dream - something about having a meal in a pub but can't remember any more about it now.

1) It feels like Victorian times. I'm stitching up a corpse ready for burial doing a complicated suture up the chest. I'm in an old stone building. At one point a woman is watching me, she's been watching me for a while so I follow her and eventually see her face, I'm satisfied that she is nothing to worry about as she disappears through a door. I'm back to sewing up the corpse - I certified him dead, but then I see his face move and realise I got it wrong and he is actually still alive.
From here the dream becomes a nightmare. The corpse vanishes and I feel an evil presence behind me as if he has come back from the dead and start to feel very afraid. I tell myself it's a nightmare and that I have to face it (I'm not lucid but some sort of memory about facing your fears in a dream) and it's not real. Then I wake up. AT LAST A HINT OF LUCIDITY?!?!

2) I knock a pint of beer onto myself whilst seated at a table. My immediate thought is 'who did that?' then I realise it was myself. Then I have walked to a different location and I find myself talking to a woman about the spilt drink as if her child had spilt it over me and saying it's ok. Looking behind her I see a glass screen and realise that we are at a holiday camp and I tell her that we aren't here this year but have booked to come for a whole week next year.

3) Another dream - I woke up after and remembered it well but didn't write any reminders down! All forgotten now.

4) I'm in a queue with 2 female characters (?family) and we are waiting to have XRays taken. A woman is stood at a desk checking us in, collecting valuables and shoes. Eventually it's my turn. I ask her if I need to hand in my watch and she decides that I should so I give her my watch and shoes. She calls a doctor, we go together to a really bright airy carpeted room. I have a pot plant with me and explain that it's not well and I thought I should get it looked at. I give him the pot plant it's covered in a plastic bag with insects all over it. He puts the pot plant on the floor and gets ready to Xray it.

5) In my old consulting room chatting to a patient. He is telling me about a good new garden centre. I find myself explaining in detail why I won't be going there because I don't work here any more. I remember looking around the room seeing a lot of detail and having a very detailed discussion.

1) I am in the grden of the house I was brought up in. I want to fly as high as possible then free fall back to the ground. I fly up but realise I'm not as high as I thought as I can still touch the ground, so I go higher, I can see the top of a tree next to me. Then I move across and touch the top of the roof of the house and look at the tiles and move around it. Next I'm in an upstairs bedroom with an open window in front of me and I run and jump out of it trying to believe that I can fly and won't just drop to the ground. I look down at the ground and can fly as I expected.

2) Lots of little fragments: Driving through a field and the corn is just starting to grow, a road has been cut through the middle of it. I get somewhere and am sitting in the car, i think it is one of the local villages, not sure why I'm there. The radio is on. Then I talk to a man and demonstrate something to him, he's not very impressed. then a vague memory of playing around with a computer and the video card.