non-lucid

Walking along a craggy cliff path with a small group of middle earth style wizards and warriors. White sand with gray rocks and big mountains overlooking the sea. I can go see a big scary wizard who kidnapped ron swanson. Walking with me is a very young rashida jones. She tells me that I am only allowed to use certain powers in this situation. I am vaguely aware of my situation as a sleeping person. When a collection of small trolls and goblins come for us, I shoot crazy lightning bolts out of my hands. They tell me that I can't use electricity powers, that I can only use fire powers. I think hard, and I know that I'm in my bed at home. I hold out my hands and thick metal cables fire from my fingers and shoot into the rock cliffs. The people I am with are very impressed with my powers. I want to do more powers, but I know that I am dreaming, I am in my body at home and start to fade away. I begin to wake up and lose awareness of my physical dream form. I can still control my dream body but it's like I can control it using a remote from a distance. I am no longer inside my body, but rather acutely aware of myself in bed and able to see my dream self in the third person. I fire off a few more electricity bolts and wake up.

I am starting my new job at a supermarket. Today is some kind of a special day where drinking is allowed. My job is to deliver alcohol to the people working at the registers. The alcohol for drinking is being kept at the check cash station in the front of the store. One of the cashiers wants me to bring them a drink that's a half a shot of maker's mark, half a shot of snake juice and then bud light. We name this drink "black snake juice moan". I wheel the alcohol cart over to them and make the drink in one of those tall silver mixing cups with the lid. Then I drink what's left.

My supervisor, a heavyset black lady in a polyester pantsuit, comes over and decides that she's going to be mixing the drinks for the rest of the day. She makes me another black snake juice moan in a giant shot glass and tells me that it has the alcohol of about 2 drinks so I should take it slow. I wait till she walks away and drink in down in one swallow. I start to feel drunk and wake up.

I'm with my wife and a friend of mine and we are visiting this random woman and her young daughter. This woman has large piles of the new yorker magazine and we are making fun of the new yorker. We say that it falls in the pretension line somewhere between the new york times and the weekly world news. People read it on park benches to look smarter than they are. The little girl is laughing and clapping.

We turn on the tv and start watching a movie. The movie is a Rocky movie and i can't tell if it's Rocky 2 or 3. Some of it is about how Rocky and Apollo are going to fight again so i think it's Rocky 2, then there will be a scene where Apollo is training Rocky so i think it's Rocky 3. Then Adrianne says that she thinks it's weird that Apollo is training Rocky when they are preparing to fight. They all laugh at this.

Scene change.
We are at my house, but it isn't my house. People are throwing April and I a house warming party. April is talking to people on the front porch while I am hanging out in the kitchen with a bunch of people i just met for the first time. They are all talking about their drug phases. They say cocaine, shrooms and then one guy says that he very recently tried DXM at a robo party. I chime in to say that DXM used to be my favorite.

Suddenly the girls are squealing and giggling and i see that the guys in the room have all pulled their pants down. The guys stand up and walk over to the girls who are sitting and the guys are jerking off while standing right in front of the girls. The ladies are looking up into the guys eyes while they do this with big smiles on their faces. I say "what the fuck is going on?"

One of the guys says "Look this is cool. This is how things are in the city. Something gets going and you go with it." The women look over at me and nod and smile, then turn their attention back to the guys and start making encouraging noises.

I make my way out to the porch and say, this may be a bit too much for my wife. I pick up an ipod off an outdoor table and put on a random playlist. The song "Tuesday's Gone" starts playing and i look back in the kitchen. The girls and guys are where they were before, now the girls are begging the guys to come. Everyone starts making noise and the guys ejaculate all over the kitchen.

I ask one of the girls to get me a bleach wipe under the sink. She laughs and gets it for me. While i am cleaning, my wife comes in the room and tells me she really likes the song. I say, "it's your ipod."

"Really?" she replies.

April and her family keep wanting to play putt putt. I don't want to play. We end up going anyway but there is an incredible line and the place is very crowded. Connie keeps telling me about her grandfather and how he used to own the very first putt putt course. My belly hurts and I am very annoyed by this talk.

Hanging out at my house and a python slithers in when I open the door for a second. The animals all get excited. I ask my wife if we can keep this python and she tells me that we probably won't be able to keep it for long because our dogs will kill it. April's mom and her little rat terrier missy is also hanging out. Missy is barking because she is afraid that the snake will eat her.

April takes me to see a divorce lawyer where we discuss who would get our boat if we ever got divorced. It makes me very mad that we visit a divorce lawyer. She tries to convince me that in no way does it mean that we are going to get divorced but I am less sure. I go out to the dock to look at our boat (in real life we don't have a boat). While I am there I make plans to bomb it.

I am visiting the home of my high school girlfriend and her husband. They have two small daughters. They have asked me to babysit while they go and celebrate their anniversary. While they are interviewing me for the job I keep morphing into different creatures. When they ask me about my previous experience as a babysitter, I turn into a beautiful naked woman. They are shocked and appalled and while I apologize at first, soon I just become intrigued by my new body. I tell them this will pass and as we continue with the interview, I explore my new body a little bit. Natural C cup breasts and long straight blonde hair.

Then just as they are putting on their coats to leave I turn into a cat. I am now a 40 LB or so big yellow cat with brown streaks. The two little girls are very excited by this and want to play with me. I roll over onto my back and the girls rub my belly. The father goes into the bedroom and gets a very small saddle. He puts the saddle on me and the little girls take turns riding me around the room like a pony. The effect is a little bit like "Cringer" from He-Man.



Since I am a cat I can do things that ponies cannot, such as leap onto furniture and climb up curtains. The girls are having a good time and while I am playing with them in cat form, The parents sneak out of the house.

There is a time slip and the dream cuts to hours later; the girls are asleep and I am back to my regular human, Clothed, form. I am sitting on the couch and watching the home shopping network on television. The parents come home from their anniversary dinner, giggling and excited. The husband tells me they were so inspired by my shape changing earlier, that they did something extra special. Then his wife/my ex takes off her dress and is covered from head to toe in a brand new Dalmatian tattoo. That's head to toe solid white with black spots. My jaw drops in shock.

I wake up

In an episode of "House" I'm riding around with house and cuddy as they make amends to people that they've wronged. I am standing with them on somebody's front porch. It's a light green house with a white door. The door has a brass door knocker in the center of it about 6 feet up. Cuddy and House are arguing about who is going to talk and what they are going to say. The door opens and a bald, fat, bearded man with a wifebeater and a shotgun. He yells. We scream and run. I hear the shotgun being fired at us.

I have a suspicion that someone I know is going to try to steal from me. We are hanging out and he is giving me a shaky vibe. He leaves the room but his day planner remains. I look through his planner and see several instances that suggest his plans to rob me. I feel a surge of nervous energy, betrayed and angry. I want to get violent, but at the same time I'm finding it hard to believe that I could be treated like that. I start looking for ways around my living room whereby I can take the thief down without using violence.

It is a dark dank room with three black podiums in the center. On top of the podiums are bright red game show style buttons with the names of places in front of them. Covering the buttons are glass serving dishes like you cover a cake with. As I look at each button a horrific atrocity flashes through my head. I understand that each button allows me to correct a terrible moment in history, one is a natural disaster, one is a terrorist attack and the third is an unjust war. As I walk to the terrorist attact I see a flash in my head of the ripple effect of history, how in that attack was a little girl who would grow up to me a terrible demagogue. Her reign on this earth would reinstate worldwide slavery. In my mind's eye I see myself chained in a spaceship bound for the sun being killed for dissent.

I am part of some kind of dragon olympics and the dragon handler that is in first place wants to accuse me of cheating because I all of a sudden begin winning. That is to say, suddenly I know the difference between a dragon and a hole in my ass. I look down at my hands and I'm wearing huge oven mitts on each one.

I need to argue my case about whether or not I am a winner of a contest.

Today I am auditioning for some kind of american idol singing show. Randy Jackson is behind the table with two other people that I don't recognize. I have shoulder length brown hair that is dripping wet and I'm wearing a flannel shirt and torn jeans. The judges are laughing at me for being unprofessional and I wait for them to finish. When they do, I sing my first song, Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter, which blows them away. They tell me that I am going to hollywood.

I reply that I am ready for my next audition and they look confused. I comb my wet hair back slick and am suddenly wearing a gray and black pinstripe suit. Randy looks at me, impressed, and says "go for it dawg." I break into frank sinatra's "My Way" and the dream fades.

I am going to school in chicago but I've been offered a job in Montreal. I am going through my closet looking for things to wear. I also need to pack. After I find a button up light pattern shirt I start stuffing the rest of my room into three compact suitcases. I am not sure where my suitcases are at first but I find them packed inside of one another underneath my bed. My room is squalid and lit by an ugly harsh florescent light. Once I am done I go outside and realize that I am supposed to be playing in a baseball game. It's nighttime and the field is lit with huge outdoor lights. My team is yelling at me because I am not wearing my uniform.

I run back to my room and start dumping my suitcases on the ground, searching for my baseball uniform. People are coming into my room and asking me if I am ready to move to Montreal, If I have enough warm clothes. I say is it going to be that much colder than chicago?

They reply, "aren't you from louisiana?" and laugh. At that moment I find my base ball shirt and run back out to the diamond.

I just took a new job as a Janitor in a castle. There is a room that's been shut off that they want me to take care of. Inside of the room is a big dragon. I’m trying to find humane dragon traps but the building I'm working in has none, nor has it any weapons capable of killing a dragon. I distinctly remember a company policy forbidding using any piece of company equipment in a way not generally authorized or intended by the manufacture. I ignore this and start sharpening the handle of my broom to a point. Soon I have a pretty ugly spear and I'm ready to go into the room with the dragon. I peek through the awning window on top of the door and see that the dragon is currently feasting on a dog. This makes me very angry. I sneak in to the room as quietly as I can through the top window and am able to get the drop on the dragon. I Jab it as hard as I can from behind into the most vital spot I can imagine and it starts to gush a sticky, wet, acidic, pink, blood like substance. This goop is getting all over everything in the room and I think to myself about how difficult this is going to be to clean. Then I go back to stabbing.