Xanous' Dream Journal

#409 - DIELD - 6:06AM

I have a long and confusing dream about sleeping at my parents old house. The time keeps changing and I worry about getting up for work on time. The early details aren't important, but my parents eventually tell me they are leaving to go to a tomato festival. They leave my room and I lay there for a moment. Suddenly, I hear a terrible scream and cats fighting. I rush to the top of the stairs and see my cats running out of a bedroom at the bottom with tails fluffed out.

I wake slightly and relax back into the dream. I am the stairs again and I go down to the room at the bottom. It's dark in there and I feel like something evil is hiding in the room. I spend some time calling out whatever monster may be lurking with various forms of profanity, but nothing happens. Then, I fearfully reach into the room and try the light switch, but, of course, that doesn't work either. I decide this is all stupid and leave out the back door. As I step out, the cats rush past me into the yard. This makes me worry that something is following me so I turn and walk backwards a while. Thankfully, nothing is there. The house seems extra dark now that I am standing in full sunlight and I turn to have a look at the dream environment. The colors of the trees are a extra vivid and bright green, but also very dream like and blurry at the edges of my vision. I feel awe and peace and this makes me want to fly up into the sky. Before I can do anything else, I suddenly wake without warning.

#408- DEILD - 4:45AM

Quick WBTB. Galantamine and DMAE.

I wake slightly and enter vibration and have my usual SP time. I can't get anywhere so I decide to just enjoy the moment. I relax and begin to feel myself float then, slip off the bed. I watch as a fall deep into a void in the floor. I can see my bedside getting smaller and smaller. I fall fast for a long time. I wonder if I will pop out on the other side of the earth. At that thought, I feel gravity shift and I start to fall up. This doesn't last long and I land back in bed. I relax and focus while remaining thoughtless.

I am now walking in the living room. I am glad the dream has started and make my way outside. My son is in the room and presses against me to be picked up. I decide it would be fun to take him along with me. He feels cumbersome to carry so I just imagine that he is somehow attached to me and continue on without worrying too much about actually carrying him.

It's rainy outside and looks like early dawn. I walk into the street and remember that I was going to go for the Pegasus TOTY. I call out for Pegasus and look around expectantly. Nothing shows up so I turn around to think about something else. I see my son has been trailing behind me and I get an idea. I say, "R, be Pegasus." as I hop on his back. He's on all fours but nothing is happening. I feel bad at this sight, so I stand up and take a less rushed approach. I say, "R, turn now into Pegasus." I watch as he quickly morphs into only the front half of a white stallion. He's just a horse head with front legs. This is a horrible sight and look away for a quick second. This was a bad idea because when I turn back to look, he has vanished. I spin around trying to see if he walked around me, but he is nowhere to be found. I quietly whisper, "Shit." I decide to forget about it the whole thing as I look at the colorful dawn in on the horizon just above the trees. I decide to fly without much thought and I zoom toward the sunrise at an amazing speed. I can hear the wind rushing in my ears as the dream collapses

I am back in SP and vibrations. This time the sound of it so strange and creepy. It' like demonic children shrieking in either anger or agony. Before fear can get the best of me I decide to let it go and not focus on SP or vibes or anything else. I remind myself that SP is not the goal and I quickly fall into mediation for a moment. My awareness doesn't fade but I feel my body come back into the waking world. I feel like I could go back in, but I decide I should try to DJ before I fall into non lucid sleep.

#407 - DILD? - 3:08AM (pre-WBTB)

I am in some public restroom. My wife(?), son, and someone I know is sitting at a table in one corner. At the urinals I see some young girls peeing. I wonder how this is possible and suppose they are using a shewee. Then, I realize that is highly improbable and I continue this continues to boggle my mind. I point and say, "What the fuck!?"
My son chimes in and replies, "...it's like a dick." I am even more surprised at my son's remark.

I am getting into bed with my wife and tell her about what my son said. I make some remark about how weird it is that I watched little girls peeing. I assure I wasn't trying to be a creeper; they just went in front of me. My son won't stay in bed and is running around and keeps pull out stuff to play with. Something about a movie that came with a bullet. He wants to shoot it but I tell him it's late and I really need to sleep (I want to have my G night).

I have a FA and I find myself in a house with three wild hyenas. I try to stay on top of counters and furniture but they jump up at me and scratch with cat claws. I notice that as the jump and scratch they seem to momentarily transform into Raccoon dogs. There is some pain, but it doesn't feel unbearable. I continue to try to avoid the hyenas, but they seem to be learning and adapting to my strategy. I have a high amount of fear as I fight them off with fists. At one point I watch one hyena on the ground as it seems to be studying me. Then I realize it's watching something behind me. I know I am about to get pounced from behind, but I can't make myself move.

Something strange happens here. Maybe it's a dream transition or a very slight awakening, but everything collapses and I wonder why I didn't just fly away or phase out of a window in the dream. As I am thinking this is see a garage door open and I rush outside into the night. I worry that the hyenas got out too but I try not to think about it. I see a parked car and I jump on top of the roof. "Try to get me now, bitches!", I shout at things that were after me. I begin to wonder why I am having such a terrible nightmare. I usually don't get nightmares, but tend to enjoy a little fright. As I think this, the dream fades to darkness. At this, I regain lucidity and focus on vision to bring it back.

I see a white boxy type of car parked in the driveway now. It has some sort of metallic purple window tinting and I find it interesting. I still feel a need to escape so I attempt to get inside. I notice there are no doors so I instinctively lift the small cabin up and off like a shoe box. I look inside the top but can't see out the purple windshield. I will this to happen and the purple dissolves to show a view at the ground. I lose interest in this this vehicle quickly as everything seems to be really crappy and fake now.

I spot a better looking car next to me; a red sporty coupe. As I move to the car I worry about the hyenas again. I tell myself not to think about it and the fear subsides, but my actions are still rushed. For some reason both doors want to stay open and the worry increases. I look out and see a bear with a hyena looking at me from down the road. I quickly get the doors closed and start to back out. I stop when I hear a terrible sound. They white, boxy car is now a small red truck. It's lurching backward and quickly halting as the tires are locked up. For some reason, I feel the need to take care of this and hop out of the car to the truck. The hyena fear returns and this time I really force it out of my mind as I remind myself that I control this dream. The truck stopped doing whatever it was doing and I suddenly become really curious what the engine would look like. I lift up the hood and notice how clean, new and high tech it looks. I begin guessing at various components naming them off. I am particularly interested in what I think might be the nitrous oxide containment. I get bored with this after a moment and begin to try to recall my goal for the night. It's on the tip of my brain, but the more I think about it, the more I wake up. The dream fades and I see some guy say something about waking up then a sheet of ice forms over my vision. I hear a loud cracking sound as I wake up.

#406 - OBE - 5:52AM

I do a quick WBTB at 3:00AM to have some coffee prepared with 1tbs of ground in a small french press.

I wake from some dream about ice turning into chopped nuts in the blender. I move a bit but catch myself and lay still focusing on body relaxation. After an unknown amount of time, I feel really wide awake and wonder if it's close to the alarm going off. I sit up to check my alarm. I see that I have set it for 6:10am and it's 5:53am. I decide I may as well get up and do my morning meditation, but as soon as I get up something crazy happens. I simultaneously hear a loud ripping, gasping sound that I think comes from my wife and recognize that familiar OBE/dream body feeling. The sound startles me and I realize I must have just had a false awakening. This sends me back into my body, but I quickly recover. I get up, but can only float around the room. Then, I stop a second. Feel normal and think that I may have woke up, but when I move I realize I'm still floating someplace to the right of my bed. I decide I may as well enjoy the sensation of weightlessness and begin to kick off walls and objects in my room.

After some seconds of this, I think maybe I can teleport if I focus on a place to be. The first thing that comes to mind is a field of flowers. I start singing, "I want to be in a field of flowers... a field of flowers... a field of flowers. I want to be in a field of flooooweerrs." Suddenly, I an standing up right in the room. I'm disappointed I didn't teleport but at least I have some solid footing. I see a light is on someplace in the house and quickly discover that it's the kitchen. I stand there looking around but everything is blurry. I try to focus my vision but end up opening one of my physical eyes and waking up.

Oddly enough I finished typing this on my device at 6:10

There is something to be said about not getting to your dream tasks because, the most bizarre and random things happen.

Galantamine 8mg, B6 100mg, DMAE 400mg

There will be typos. There are always typos, but I don't have time.

Message originally posted by Xanous on 01/25/15 at 02:39 PM

But he's an idiot and has had it as a draft entry for the past 3 days.

#402 - DEILD - 5:03AM - (Girlfriend)

I have my usual vibrations and transitional stage but it passes quickly. I have what may have been an open eye hallucination of a shadow figure running in the room. I dismiss it as nothing. I need to stabilize so I image a woman to make out with. The kiss feel ultra realistic. I emerge from my old bedroom in Texas with a young blonde woman. We are still kissing when I notice I have visual. We walk together into the kitchen and I am still feeling excited. I bend her over the counter and have a little fun but only for a second or two; I really don't want this dream time to be all out sex. She looks back at me and say, "You better stop before you wake up." This gives me to will power to move on to something else.

I somehow end up on the couch in the living sitting closely next to my dream lover, holding hands. The dream environment is really hazy, but I notice my mom and sisters are in the room and there is a pile of laundry on one of the couches. I say something random to my mom about her being my girlfriend. I suddenly want to see who this strange woman is next to me. I try to look at her face but she keeps letting her bangs fall down to cover it. I decide to pull her hair back into a ponytail with and force her to show me her face. There is a struggle and I end up in on top of her in the floor. I finally see her face but it begins to shine with a white light, sort of like an highly overexposed photo. Again, I have to resist my sexual urge and I stand up. I look around and say to the room, "Well, this is a cool dream everybody." I notice floating sparkling dust in the room as I look around. I begin to remember my actual goal when I suddenly wake up.

#403 - WILD - 5:30AM - (Big Screens)

I notice I am in front of some giant screen with a PlayStation controller in hand. The game looks really similar to the clothing menus on GTA5 but it got a baseball theme to it. I do various things to get the right uniform. Things aren't working well and I become frustrated and start mashing random buttons. There is some large garbled text on the screen and I try to make sense of it. Suddenly, I hear an announcement over a loud speaker. The man says something about a light display or light show.

I turn around feeling more aware and see that I am in something like a casino. There is a lot of red and gold decoration and carpeting. I see a long, high partition to my right that seems to open up a several yards away. I can tell there is something going on down there and take off running. When I round the corner, I see a small crowd of people to left and another giant screen in front of me. There is some 80's, big-hair rock star talking on the screen.



I instinctively run toward it planning to dive into another scene. As I make my was I remember that I wanted to try dream LSD. Maybe it was the rocker that brought this to mind. As, I dive in I think I will try this but I don't quite teleport. Instead, I see pixelization and then the void. I don't worry too much, I just keep going and looking for some image. I begin surging forward. I see various gray textures like such as, the moon, a muddy lake bottom. I rip the lake bottom open with my hands and enter another void. More textures. I feel as if I am digging deep to the substance of the dream. I see something like fabric magnified then I feel my eyes lenses adjust focus. This feeling is very specific and vivid as my view zooms out then in to something like metallic mesh or grid. I wake up.

#404 - DILD - 6:28AM (F work)

I am at work on a Saturday. There is various machinery like in a cableshop. I see some girl I vaguely knew in high school. I try to place her. She's real, but I don't even know how I remember her. I begin to question things and wonder why I am even here. I wonder if I even signed up. I go to my bosses desk and look for the sign up sheet, but I can't find it. I quickly realize that this wont work in a dream. Then I realize that none of it matters anyway.

I decide to leave the building. There is and open spot were many people are just standing there like statues. As I weave my way around them, I recall a conversation I had with a friend in waking life. He wishes he could win the lottery so he could tell everyone 'fuck you' and walk out. This seems like a good idea. I start shouting, "FUCK YOU!" as loud as I could imagine over and over. I see a some woman in red with dark hair. On impulse, I back hand her unbelievably hard. She topples over and I gasp in surprise. There is a lot of pain on the back of my hand from the impact. I decide to leave this and the pain vanishes as soon as I go back to yelling profanities. I call out a certain bosses name asking where he is. I say this it doesn't matter and end my tirade with a final F-bomb. I turn around and see some double doors and sunlight. I begin signing, "Take this job and shove it. I don't work here any more." I voice shrill like a classic rockers voice. I kind of dig the sound so I continue to sing as I open the door.

As soon as I step out, I hear theatrical music and Mel Gibson scream, FFRRREEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMMM!



I uncontrollably float up into the air. I go with the motion and zoom high about the clouds as I look down. I turn and pick a spot to land but as soon as I try to fly down, my feet are suddenly on something solid. I quickly notice that the view of the clouds and trees below are like a painted texture on the ground. I take a few steps and the texture morphs into asphalt and gravel. I look up and see some green vegetation in front of me. I hover up into the air again without trying to. I notice that I can see palm trees in the distance. I shout,"Palm trees!" over and over as I try to fly toward them. I only hover higher then I see dark blue water beyond the trees. It's the ocean! I want to go to the beach! I intend to zoom fly to a point on one of the palm trees. I notice the palm trees are actually coconut trees and I zero in on one of the coconuts. Unfortunately, instead of zooming forward, I zoom backward. In a panic, I try to pinch-zoom in like on a touch screen and this stops me. I pinch again and I move some distance forward. I continue this but at some point, it becomes like a photo graph and I get an over zoomed, pixelated view of the trees. I tell myself that I can still work with this, but I wake up too soon.

#405 - WILD - 8:06AM - (LSD gay)

I have a long hour and a half bout of wakefulness but manage to eventually quiet my mind long enough to have one more. As scene materializes and I find myself standing next to the Money Center at Wal-Mart. There is a man standing there and I recall my goal once more (dream LSD). I ask the man where the LSD is and he puts out his tongue pointing to it. I pause then, shrug and go for it. I only intend to lick his tongue. However, the man has other ideas and gives me a very tonge-filled french kiss. I pull away thinking how it felt just like a woman's kiss. I lost in tough thinking how I can get the mechanics of gay sex. This quickly manifests into a side dream and I get a quick visual of having sex with someone bent over. The scene is a lot like the other lucid dream, but it's the man at Wal-Mart. I don't panic as I am distracted by the previous thought and give a good thrust. There is no physical sensation; it's more of a clinical curiosity and a disconnected point of view. It's nothing more that a musing that has manifested in the dream world. I think, "I guess it's fine that some people might find this appealing, but I really just don't get it."

I shake that scenario off and come back to the present dream reality. We are back to staring at each-other after the man kissed me. I don't know how else to end this without feel gay so I punch the man in the face. He flops over like a pedestrian in GTA5 and I laugh as I walk away. The laugh catches in my throat and I feel bad for the violence. I decide to forget the whole thing and find myself in the produce section. I pick up a pack of mushrooms and hit a lady in the back. As she turns around, I run and hide like nothing happened.

I walk into another section of the store and remember that I have never actually tried the finger-through-the-hand RC in a dream. I feel pressure as my right index finger sinks deep into my left hand. I get about half way and decide to look at the back side. To my surprise, it looks normal. I trip out at this and let out and bewildered 'whoa'. Then, the pain starts.It's a terrible aching like an intense muscle cramp deep in my hand. I quickly wake up.

#401 - DILD - 7:40AM

I was really wanting to get lucid all night and had multiple awakenings. Later in the morning I wanted to try WILD, but felt super sleepy and a little distracted because my son ended up in bed with us all night and my wife had left for work. I was worried that my son way going to roll out of bed, but I finally decided he wasn't, I forget about WILD. Luckily, having LD on my mind gave me a DILD (however crappy)

Lucidity scale - 4 then 8

I am at work and someone plops a package in front of me. I pick it up and examine. The packaging is shifty and as first it looks like my Dollar Shave Club razors but then it transforms into some potted cactus seeding that I have ordered in waking life. I am excited at first but also confused why I am getting mail at work. When I take a closer look I see there is something like snow or ice on areas of the cacti. They begin to feel super cold and when I pick one it's as hard as a rock. I also notice that the soil has spilled all over inside of the plastic bag they are in and the soil looks like chunks of something brown. This is super annoying but I am mostly upset because they are frozen and likely ruined. The supplier said they only ship live plants on Monday to avoid this sort of thing. I falsely realize it's actually Monday and wonder if it was lost in the mail. I look at the shipping label and see an odd address. I laugh and take the package to another part of my work area. As I do, I notice the cacti now look like halved cucumbers set in soil. It's odd but I dismiss this and tell Crystal, a co-worker, how they totally messed everything up. I point out the address and it reads,

[My full name]
13[something with a lot of digits] Country RD
Desa, ID [some zip code]

I blurt out, "Idaho!?! Are you kidding me?" Crystal just looks at me and continues working. I sit the package down and turn around for a moment. When I go back for it, I see the package has disappeared. I look around for a moment and find a jar of brownish candies. I consider eating one, but I pause and ask Crystal if she minds. She tells me that its fine since she ate some of mine. I become filled with anxiety when I realize she must have eaten my cactus soil. I panic a bit not sure what to do when something finally dawns on me.

I am at a low level of lucidity here and I randomly roam around my work place. I am going down a long hallway when my phone rings. I don't recall if I heard anything or felt the vibration or just randomly checked my phone, but I see a text and a Snapchat from my friend Vinny. I say, "Oh Vinny not now. I am trying to have a lucid dream here." I lock my phone and decide to reply after I wake up. Derrrr.

I continue to wander around but my vision is deteriorating quickly. I feel myself hold my eyes wide open trying to visually stabilize. I suddenly now become highly lucid and begin to try to recall my goal. However, its all too late, the dream is crashing, and I quickly wake up. I consider trying to DEILD but I am way too awake and the sun is brightly shining in the window.

#400 - DILD - 8:33AM

I have a long dream that I am reading a handwritten story about surviving the zombie apocalypse on post-it notes and notebook paper. As I am reading I am in the story observing things as I find pieces of paper with the next segment of the story. I don't recall everything as a lot happened that didn't make much sense.

I have an FA and find my cousin Jared with guns and heavy artillery. He's prepping for an attack. Then he has a suction cup ball that he throws around.



The ball is spewing out some kind of water color and I think of the color run but it's all over my bedroom walls. I hope it will wash. The ball comes my way and paint gets in my mouth. I sit up and choke on it a bit then tell Jared about my dream.

*memory gap*

This maybe be a different new dream but I am in some Star Wars setting going down corridors and triggering switches. I have entered some robotic body like a mech suit or something similar. It's hard to recall all that happened but it all very video game like. during the next part I gradually become lucid without any real 'ah ha' moment. I am done with whatever I was doing and come to a new area. I see the crumbled body of Darth Vader in a corner. There seems to be some metallic connecting points in his torso and I decide that I should be able to embody him like I did with the robot. I set over him and sink in. I see the dark uniform cover my body and I stand up. I hear my Darth Vader breathing sound, "Ruuuuu. ppppprt. Ruuuuuuuu. ppppppprt." I feel dark and powerful and continue down a new set of corridors. I can' remember all that I did but activate switches, force jump over gaps, and use the force to move objects. I move swiftly through the obstacles with ease. I come the end of one section. There is a colorful panel on the floor. I decide it must the an elevator platform. I stand on it and it descends to darkness. I worry about the void here and focus on seeing the next section. After a moment I see that I am on a high catwalk with a yellow rail. I am facing the rail and decide to vault over it. I think about my method but for some reason force jumping over seems too hard. Instead I put my hands on the rail and launch a flip over the side. I worry about the visual of spinning destabilizing the dream and actually slow things down so its not too disorienting.

At the bottom and I land firmly and am facing a some sliding glass doors like at a grocery story. I use the force to open them and step out into a bright sunny day. The landscape is arid and desolate. The parking lot is cracked with weeds growing and there are no cars around. In the distance I see a vast dessert like on Tatooine. I feel lost here and unsure what to do next. I look around and see shopping carts strewn about. I use the force to throw them around. One cart lands at the feet of a dark skinned bald woman in light brown robes. Her eye narrow and she assumes a fighting stance. I realize I have started a fight with a Jedi and quickly send several shopping carts in her direction. She vanishes before my eyes just before the carts hit her. I wonder what new force power this. I am very intrigued. I wonder if she really vanished or if she was just invisible. I reach out and grab a shopping cart in each hand and begin spinning hoping to hit her if she gets near me. This destabilizes the dream and I wake up.

I quickly DEILD and visually reenter the dream. No SP or vibrations this time. I am not Darth Vader anymore but I am walking down a long gray Star Wars corridor. I pass a mirror and pause. Though I am mostly bald, I have white hair that looks a lot like Will Ferrel in Zoonlander without the part. Also, I am wearing something that looks a lot like Raiment of Arden-Sul from Shivering Isle expansion in Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. (I was playing last night)



I find the hair very distracting and I mostly want to see what I look like bald. I adjust myself so that my hair is cut of at the top of the mirror. Somehow I turn my head to the left with out changing my view. have hair on the side and back but the top is so bald. I decide I won't look too bad if I ever loose my hair in the future. Satisfied, I wonder what to do next. LSD! I finally remember my dream goal. I want to do some LSD and see what my best guess of the drug would be like in a dream. Unfortunately, this when my body decides to wake up for good.

I WBTB at 2:30AM and took 8MG Galantamine and 400MG DMAE. I kept the WBTB brief.

#399 - DILD - 5:18AM

I am what I think of as my my moms sister's house, Aunt Paula. I wake up and have to pee. I know I was trying to get lucid but I think I should take care of this. The bathroom has a strange looking toilet made of maroon colored plastic. When I open the lid something breaks and water spills all over the floor. My uncle comes in upset about the mess. He looks over the toilet and says something dismissive and leaves. I am in shock and recall this as a dream sign. I look left past the sink and see a white porcelain toilet has appeared. I become lucid at this, though I still feel the need to pee. I consider it but I now know that it's pointless and don't want to think what might happen if I try.

I walk back into the main room while I try to recall my goal. I say out loud, "I have a goal." I just can't remember. For some reason I think I wanted to summon some sort of evil magic. No that can't be right. I start to feel mild fear but I keep my emotions in check. However, it doesn't stop the evil from manifesting itself. I see movement around me. There behind red curtains. A child? The curtains part and I see a grotesquely rotted face of a demonic child. I hissed at me then into a wispy ghost and vanishes into vapor. Multiple copies of these demonic ghost children appear all around me but the moment I try to focus on them they turn to vapor and streak around. I keep my emotion level and don't allow this to turn into a nightmare. I'm actually happy this is happening. I haven't had much of a creep factor in a long time. The dream collapses here and I wake into SP.

I am on my right side and I feel really uncomfortable. My knees are touching in a way that hurts and I am really hot. I try to move but can't. I notice vibrations. I want to wake up so I open my eyes but I see the room too bright and ghostly figures. I wonder if I have even woke up. I consider holding my breath to wake up but I don't want to break the dream just yet. With great effort, I manage to roll over and remove some of the blanket. I feel better but I also notice the vibrations haven't stopped. I doubt that I have actually moved, but the effect was the same. I try opening my eyes again to see if I actually see the room. I can see the moonlight from the window and decide to try moving my hands. There is a ghostly image of me shaking my hands in front of my face. Again I doubt that I am even really seeing my room and as I watch my body releases and I am dumped out of bed. I go blind again and feel my way into the living room noticing what my hands and feet touch with great detail. I pause for a moment and try summoning a woman like in a recent LD, but it doesn't happen and I really don't want to go there anyway.

I am at the front door now still trying to see but all I get is random images like heavy hypnagogic imagery. I decide that I am trying too hard to see. I relax a bit and forget about the problem. I focus on feeling the detail of the front door as I try to see what I am touching. The images vanish to black, then suddenly, I see. I am looking out the glass storm-door into a version of my front yard. Excited, I quickly rush out. My vision becomes blurry as if I am underwater. I notice it is raining. My yard doesn't end at a street but seems to continue into a wooden area. The closer I get to the edge of the yard the more the dream area seems to stop there until there is a definite cut off into black void. I stop and turn back. There are some unfamiliar cars in the drive way under a carport. My house look unfamiliar. I fall to my hands and knees and feel the grass to stabilize. I try to feel the rain but there is very little sensation. I know I had a goal but I still can't remember. I shout very loud, "I HAVE A GOAL!" I can't think. All I recall is that same summoning-evil-thought. No. Not again. I let that go. After a moment I realize that I am trying too hard again. I relax my mind and body and decide to forget about my goal. I don't worry about losing lucidity here as I feel mentally solid and locked in. I get up and find a car in the spot I was crawling around. Some blue sedan. My vision is still odd as I feel for a door handle. I'm really not keen on going for a drive but if this is all I get I'll go for it. Just as I am about to open the door I see a tiny gray kitten come up to me. It has a tiny meow and sounds like it's in distress or really hungry. I pickup the kitten and say, "Oh poor little kitty. You're hungry aren't you?" I put it up to my chest and chin and give it a little hug. I decide it would be cool to get the cat to talk so I begin talking to it, asking it if it is hungry. It meows but I am persistent and tell it that I want to hear words. Finally, I hear a little girl voice say that it is very hungry. I need to get her inside and feed her.

Just inside the front door there is an open room with someone in a bed. The light is on and everything is very vivid. Curious I go in with the kitty in my arms. I say in a weak voice, "Who are you?' The figure stirs and seems to wake up. I see her face. She looks like an odd and young version of my dead grandmother (Nanny). I don't want to admit this because I am getting a very strange vibe from her. I recall that normally I am excited when she visits my dreams but something is different here. I say in a much stronger voice, "Who are you?"
She sits up now, "I am not whole."
I feel really uncomfortable now, "O... Ok."
She looks at me intently and asks expectantly, "Who do I look like?"
I tell her the answer she wants by saying my grandmothers full name.
The woman stands up and laughs, "Ha ha... yes!"
I say, "But, you are different." I don't like this woman and try to dismiss her, "Ok. Well, I am going now." I take kitty with me to the kitchen table and sit her down. I decide to treat her more like a human and let her eat here. The strange woman has followed me and sits down in a dining chair. I decide to pay her little attention and let her do whatever. I leave the kitten with her and walk into the kitchen where the cat food bin is. There is some instability here and decide I don't need to actually get the food. I blind summon a the food scoop and make a motion with my hand like I getting cat food. As I walk back to the table I have a small amount of cat food in the scoop. I pour it out on the table and kitty starts to eat ravenously. I notice she is having a hard time biting the hard food and I say something to the woman about this. When I look at her, her face has changed again. She still looks like a version of my grandmother but has become younger and very pretty. I being to have some arousal but think this is way too weird to have any sort of fun with her. I look back kitty and she quickly runs under the table as if she is now afraid. I comment about her strange behavior as I wake up.

#397 - DEILD - 7:08AM

My WBTB was around 2:30AM and I kept it super brief. I was up only long enough to take some galantamine and wash it down with cold peppermint tea. This G night was a little disappointing since I didn't start becoming aware until much later in the morning. I suppose it was because I have been having back issues and I over did it with muscle relaxers pre-bed making me extra tired. Sometimes its hard to find that balance between dream and wakefulness that's required for LD and a lot of thinks factor into it.

I partially wake from a dream and enter DEILD. I have vibrations and slowly float out of body. I see something odd made of red laser light but I ignore it since I feel really unstable. I exit the room and find myself in what looks like D's house (my mom's friend). I haven't been here since I was little and I am surprised it's showed up in this dream. I just want to get outside so I exit the front door. There is a lot of stuff out there and I spot a cat curled up sleeping in a cushioned chair. I reach down and pet the cat on the head. The cat responds with a low purring meow sound and I walk away. I step into the yard only to find the edge of dream world disappearing into the void. I don't want to deal with that so I try entering another part of the house. I open a door but there is void in there too. Instead of stepping in, I reach an arm in and feel around for a light switch. The dream seams to be breaking up so I look back at the well lit porch for stability. After flipping the switch, I look back to see nothing has happened. I enter the room anyway and find myself lost in the void. I try going back but the door I came in is no longer there. I need stimuli and go with the first thing I think of. Sex. I blind summon a naked female body and couple with her. Her face look sort of familiar but no one I really recognized. We make out and things start to become more sexual but I stop as I begin to feel a bit of guilt. The dream crashes here and I wake up.

#398 - DILD - 8:53AM

I am at the park up the road from my house looking at my old Ford Ranger that I used to own in waking life. There is a wheel missing and the other tires are flat. For some reason I have a push lawn mower and my mountain bike. I really want to ride the bike but I don't want to leave the mower here. I try putting the mower in the truck cab but it wont fit. I realize I drove my SUV and fit the mower in the back of that. I spot some tough looking men with colorful glasses strutting by. I worry that they are up to no good but they don't bother me or my stuff. I feel the need for some shades and spot some white ones in the front seat and put them on. I realize that I don't usually wear white but I figure I may as well try something different. There was a lot of time spent here messing around with things but I finally feel content and decide to hop on my bike.

As I ride my bike toward the street I notice something feels odd. I look down and see the tires are flat on the bicycle. I decide to keep pedaling as I head in the direction of the gas station to get air. I tell myself that if I pretend the tires are normal then they will be. This thought reminds me of dream control and brings me to full lucidity.I am nearly into the street now and I decide that I will be able to ride super fast with the cars. Unfortunately, it's kind of slow and difficult like riding up hill. Although I can't pull of the speed thing, I know I can't be hurt so, I decide to mess with the oncoming traffic. I spy and orange car and pedal hard toward it expecting some sort of impact. Just before the collusion, my front tire jams up sending me over the handle bars and the car vanishes just before it hits me. This is disorienting but thrilling at the same time. I get back on my bike to experiment with this again but before I get going, someone makes a noise in the other room and wakes me up.

I have two other instances during the morning trying to DEILD. I recall hitting vibrations and trying to move my dream body but not getting very far. I recall very little else and assume I must have lost concentration.

#396 - DILD - 7:12AM

I was feeling really off this morning and decided to sleep a little longer before going in to work. The result was a cool LD. Totally worth it.

I wake from a dream and try to DEILD. I as I sink back into sleep I feel very mild vibrations. I get overly excited and feel my heart race. I try to calm myself but the vibrations end. I should nose plugged here to make sure but I assume I woke up too much. I try to focus on relaxing my body as I put my attention on my crown chakra. I quickly lose focus.

I am at some mixed version of my current workplace and my old elementary school. I see several people from work. Someone is walking with me outside. There is an open area where many people have gathered together holding yellow lilies. Somehow I know they are having a funeral from someone's pet. I remark to my friend how dumb this is as we walk through the crowd and enter the building on the other side.

I feel like I am sitting in a car but I am inside some room. There is a fat bearded guy talking about selling me some herbs. He mentions a list. I only recall him talking about Achuma and Kratom but the list is actually much longer. I say, "That's ok dude. I buy all my shit online."
He replies with, "I also have some weed."
I was about to walk out of the room but I pause at this. "Um... ok. Do you sell bags or single joints?" I really just want a joint.
"Both", he says.
I remember that I have some cash but I left my wallet in the car. Also, I worry that other people will hear this exchange. "Um. I'll get with you later." He nods and I step back outside.

There are still many people gathered around for the funeral. I realize I am smoking a cigarette next to Spencer. I remember that I quit smoking and begin to feel sick. I have only smoked half the cigarette and I feel a little bad for wasting it as I throw it down. I look up at the people standing around, as I wonder why I was even smoking. I look back down at the cigarette and watch the rest of it fast burn into ash. At that moment I recognize that I must be dreaming. I know I had a goal in mind but I don't care because, I think what I just saw was the coolest thing ever. I also notice that I have never smoked a cigarette in a lucid dream.

I quickly search around for another cigarette. I don't think to check my pockets but instead rummage around the nearst area. I see two empty plastic planters stacked on a low concrete wall. I quickly find something the right shape, but as I focus on it, I see it is a white crayon. I decide this will do and I hold it like a cigarette as I mimic a lighter motion with my other hand. I see sparks and flame as I put it to the end of the crayon. I take a nice long draw from it and in hale. Jeff is standing next to me watching and I intentionally blow the smoke in his face. I notice the taste and feel as do this; it's all very faint. Jeff smiles and lets out a laugh while looking astonished. I walk away and decide to show off for the crowd. I really want to repeat the fast burn cigarette at will. I spot my friend Lindsey in the crowd as I step up on the low wall. I avoid her gaze as I know she would disapprove of my smoking in waking life. I hold the cigarette up for all to see and point at the tip with my other hand. As I move my finger from tip to butt the cigarette fast burns and drops away as ash. I hear a few people gasp but mostly there is laughter. The dream goes black and I quickly wake up.

#395 - SSILD - 5:00AM

I somehow become lucid and have some impossible sex with my wife. At one point I am filled with something like guilt; I wasn't going to use a LD for sex. However, it is my wife and I am really enjoying it so, what the hell?

Spoiler for sex details:

I was going to leave out the details but it's odd enough to mention. First I started with making her give me a blow job. By the end of it, I was giving her oral while simultaneously having traditional sex in the missionary position. I thought how odd this was but remembered that anything can happen in a dream. I pay close attention to the feeling of her vagina on my mouth and enjoy every sensation to the fullest.

I must have enjoyed myself a little too much because, I eventually lose lucidity and find myself in something like and FA. We are in my old bedroom at my parents old place and D.N. from work has set up his office in a small section of the room. He has interrupted my love making with my wife and I scramble to find my clothes. I am pissed and embarrassed at his intrusion and have a lot to say about it. My mom shows up and I loudly tell her how the "asshole" woke me up and hour early. I go downstairs to have breakfast but my dad is being obnoxious and I leave the house.

*Memory gap*

Something about being a truck driver. I need to unload my trailer but another trucker gets in first. My memory is bad here, but this is what I think must have happened: As I wait, I become introspective and aware. I end up having what feels like a tremendously long lucid adventure in a GTA 5 world though, I remember almost nothing. Something about being invincible and all around bad-ass while I fight some gang members.

I have a pause in the action at some point. I feel energized and emotional about the epic adventure I just had. My lucidity reaches a high level now and I recall that I had a goal in mind. I wanted to meditate while in the dream state. I close my eyes and clear my mind. Suddenly I am weightless and my dream body dissolves. I become a ball and begin to spin as I bounce around in a tight cube. I say, "Ah this is just like SP sensations. It's really not that cool." I decide to see how long I can maintain meditation and go back at it. Of course, my concentration doesn't last long and I quickly have another FA. I should have anchored myself with a mantra or a sensation.

I am in some bedroom. There is a Buddhist monk sleeping in a twin bed along the wall. I am now holding a dough-ball about the size of a baseball. I tap the monk's arm wanting to tell him about my amazing lucid dream. I am still really excited about whatever the hell I did in GTA Land and, In amazement I say, "Holy hell!" The monk only stirs a bit and rolls over. I decide that it's going to take more effort to wake the monk so I feel I need to put the dough-ball down. However, I need to preserve it and not let it stick to wherever I put it. I look for some flour but only find baby powder. Close enough. I powder the dough up and set it on dresser. I realize that I am not quite sure what my dream was about. I spend some time thinking it over as I wake up.

#394 - DILD - 5:55AM

I am walking in the street with someone. We watch a strange looking UFO fly down and hover over someone. Then, in a flash of light, they disappear. I say to the person how amazing this is. I just can't believe I witnessed a UFO abduction right in the middle of downtown. I notice how everything turned from night to daytime really quickly and I feel like I am missing something important. My thought is interrupted by someone ushering me into a building. [Something] happens inside and then we are ushered out. When I turn around, the building dissolves into my old house; the first one I bought with my ex-wife. Someone tells me everything (the UFO abduction and building) was just holograms an illusions. I laugh that I got punked so hard and watch the next person get it. Things happen differently this time and the 'abductee' walks down the street toward the building. I follow closely behind the hologram and laugh with my 'friend' as I watch my hand pass into it. It's like a ghost but the more I play with it the more solid it becomes. I think maybe the hologram passed over an actual person. I only recall random and fleeting images next (sexy time with wife?), but I somehow end up in that old house talking to my wife.

I wonder why we decided to buy this house. I really don't want to live here after-all. Then I quickly recall that I have had this exact dream before. As I nose plug, my wife is telling me something. I am not listing because I am trying to make sense of why I feel like I am slightly blowing through. Am I really dreaming? I do several more nose plugs, but the last one is more deliberate and I blow cleanly through. I am dreaming! I don't want to be here at all so I immediately leave my wife and head out the back door. As I cross the yard, I feel guilty for just running off. I wonder if there is something important there that I should resolve. I pull myself over a privacy fence and, for fun, climb a tree. I see my old neighbors house and try peaking in the window. I wonder if they would recognize me if they saw me. Ridiculous. I ponder the house issue while up there. I admit that I did enjoy some memories living in that house and I do miss it in a way. I decide to climb down and resolve this. There is a long winding limb the leads down to the trunk of the tree and I enjoy extra upper arm strength as I move along it like a monkey. I jump down and float toward the street in the front. Someone is growing beans along the road and I have to step over them. I find this curious, but decide to ignore it.

I get down the street and see the house. It now looks like every window has been removed. I can see bare 2X4s and insulation around the edges. I feel like there is some meaning here, but I can't imagine what it is. I enter the house, determined to play this dream out. I act like I am considering buying this house a second time. I begin looking things over, forgetting about the windows already. I notice the laminate wood flooring is still there and looks really nice. I move down the hall and see my wife and son. I pass them and enter the front bathroom. In waking life, I installed ceramic tile over concrete slab, but here there is several layers of linoleum over plywood. I can see a lot of water damage around the bathtub as I peel the edges back. In fact, the wood feels soft and moist even now. My son gets in the way of what I am doing and I have to move him out of the way. I stop and ponder things now. I decide this house really isn't so great after-all and the emotions I get from it feel resolved. It's time to let this place go. Feeling like I accomplished something, I get up and head outside while my wife and son follow behind. I feel like I have been dreaming a really long time now, and consider waking myself up so I won't forget things. I really think I could wake up at will, but it's been a long time since I have had a nice long lucid so I decide to leave it alone for now.

I see our Nissan down the street and tell my wife that I will race her. I hope she agrees because I know that I am still dreaming and I will impress her with my ability to teleport. She nods and I let it happen. There is a surging streak of light and color and I find myself sitting in the car. Unfortunately, it's not a complete teleport because, I can see two realities. Yes, I am sitting in the car but I can also see the place that I was standing layered over. I look over at my wife standing next to me and this brings me completely back to start. I stand up, feeling a little embarrassed. As we resume walking to the car, I tell her how I almost teleported and ask her what it all that looked like to her.
She just says, "It looked really weird."
I nod and say, "I bet it did. I was really there for a second."

Now, at the car, I get caught up with trying to manually put my son in his car seat. None of the straps and buckles are working right and I spend a lot of time fumbling with things. My wife is trying to help me, but it's just not working right. The dream destabilizes and I decide it's fine to go ahead and wake up now.

#392 - WILD - 3:44AM

Almost an hour WBTB with some meditation and the usual Galantamine dose.

I focus on body awareness and quickly enter into a very long transition in vibrations and SP. I use every trick I can think of to get the dream going but it's being very stubborn. I forget most of the sensations, but it was all very typical for me and only mildly interesting. Eventually, I find myself floating listlessly above the foot of the bed. I look up and see the floor. I am upside down so I reach for the floor landing on all fours. I crawl out of the bedroom into the living room, heading for the front door. I feel very weak and gravity is extra heavy. The dream is very unstable and non-vivid but it's all I've got right now. I continue to crawl, making very little progress. I know I need to stand, but the thought of it seems impossible. I tell myself, "Don't be a pussy." as I use all my will to stand up.

As I stagger to the front door I see a line of dead bolts spin to the unlocked position. I was grateful for this, because the thought of manually unlocking all them seems like an impossible task at the moment. I feel hopeful as I reach outside but the dream is still really unstable. I float to the grass in the yard and feel with my hands as I revert back to crawling. I note the texture and feel as my legs drag across long blades. I recall Jenkees' dare to have theatrical music and try to conjure up something. The Indiana Jones Theme song begins to play in my ears. This is all wrong for the moment so I shake the sound out my mind. At this point the dream decides to crash.

I wake up feeling mentally exhausted and decide to hope for DILD later. I mantra "Remember mindfulness" as I fall back to sleep.

#393 - DILD - 4:07AM

Originally Posted by From Ringworld, by Larry Niven.

"I have a variable-sword," said Speaker-to-Animals. "I urge calm." The kzin stood against a curved wall. In one clawed fist he held something like an oversized jump rope handle. Ten feet from the handle, held expertly at the level of the kzin's eyes, was a small, glowing red ball. The wire which joined ball to handle was too thin to be visible, but Louis didn't doubt it was there. Protected and made rigid by a Slaver stasis field, the wire would cut through most materials including the back of Louis's crash couch.

I am at an old slave house back in the 1800's. The door is boarded up but I manage to breakthrough. I feel compassion and want to free them all. I load everyone up into covered wagon and try to think of a way to get them to the underground railroad.

I have a mini wake-up but fall right back to sleep. I am now in a mixture of my basement and the old dirt floor garage from a house I lived in as a child. I am mindlessly digging up the dirt floor wanting to make a tunnel. As I do this I recall the previous dream. I notice how odd it is that the dirt just vanishes as I dig. It's very minecraft-life. After a moment I pause and stare out a window in a door. Something feels off. I remember to be mindful and quickly recognize this as a dream.

I step outside now unconcerned with digging. I quickly recall one of my goals. I want to revisit the lightsaber play from a non-lucid dream that I had last week while taking another stab at the theatrical music. Recalling the visuals, I blind summon a red lightsaber and give it a few spins. It looks good at first but the light quickly fades out as I walk around the house. I come around the side and see a very strange and distorted version of my Dodge with all sorts of attachments jutting out from the sides.

I look at my lightsaber, but it only look like a laser pointer as I stare at a red dot on the driveway. I decide this is ok because it is now a variable-sword like the one in Ringworld. I flick my wrist and make a cut at one of the chrome appendages on the car. I see it slice a very thin line but it doesn't fall off. I go ahead and give a tap making the thing drop away. I make another slash at the side-view mirror with the same effect. Ok that's kind of cool. Now I need my music. I try to summon something, but all I get is random humming in my head that sounds pretty weak and ridiculous. I let it go for now and wonder around with my sword.

To my left, I see smoke from a something like a brush pile, and to my right, I see a tree covered with Christmas lights. I am torn between the two; looking back-and-forth. This seems to do something strange with my eyes causing my eyelids to flit open, waking me up.

Dec 17th 2014, 4:38AM

I am in a version of my old high school in Texas. I realize that I have 3 books from the previous year in my locker. I take them out and see Christy from work what to do. She says to just take them to the front desk. I drop them off without saying anything and think I want to go find Jason B. and tell him about my girlfriend. As I walk into a random area I realize that I haven't talked to her all summer. I'm not even sure she is my girlfriend. Ah, I better wait. I turn around and walk back to the first area where Christy was. I scratch my beard. Hmm. I'm the only guy in high school with a beard. How old am I? Hell, Im a 34 year old high schooler. Why am I still here? As I walk I slowly become lucid. Ah this is a dream. I have this one a lot. Elements of the dream quickly drop away until I am in the void and I wake up.

#390 - WILD - Time unknown

Since I missed the past two weekends, I decided to do a quick WBTB at 1AM with the usual Galantamine. I reminded myself why I choose to do this only on a weekend. I really don't seem to get the quality sleep I need and there is never enough time to hit those longer late morning LDs. At least I had some interesting experiences however brief.

I lay down and focus on body sensations. I feel surprised when I begin to feel the early onset of the transition. Getting this feeling this quickly seems to get me way too excited and it ruins. This time I was pretty chill and focused on relaxing deeper. Well, I say it was quick, but now that I think about it, I am not sure whether I dosed off for a bit or not. It was a WILD regardless.

When I get a bit deeper into the vibrations, I fumble my way out of bed. I am blind so I try opening my eyes I but seem to be able to see the bed room from the perspective of laying down. The room looks a bit too bright so I am not sure if this was my physical eyes or not. I really need to test exactly whats happening at this stage with the eyes.

Outside, I try to peer into the darkness or the back of my eyelids in order to see in the dream but nothing is working for me. I end up crawling in the street, feeling the asphalt with my hands for stability. I hear a dog's painful yelp in the distance and the sound morphs into something like a siren from an emergency vehicle. The street is pulled away from me and my fingers drag on the rough surface for brief moment. I feel my self hurling backward my bedroom. I wake up.

I go straight into DEILD and enter vibrations quickly. The only problem is I now notice that my chin is tucked too close to my chest and I am having a hard time breathing. I try to ignore it, but I can't. I break concentration and adjust. Now I have to pee.

I don't bother starting up the DJ because I am afraid the light will rouse me too much. I get comfortable and start over.

#391 - WILD - 2:22AM

After a short time, I notice vibrations and a scene has formed. Kelly from work is talking about football and I am resting in a recliner. I look around and see dog doing funny tricks. A doberman looks decidedly human. I find it humorous but I feel detached. I wonder if the dream is stable enough to move as I get up and move forward. I walk past the dogs into a kitchen area. There is a back door open to a screen door. A familiar woman is at the sink doing dishes. I hear her say, "He's up and moving."
I go outside to a summer day in the country. There are some trees, an open pasture, and hills in the distance. A red checker table cloth catches my peripheral but I ignore it. The scene is beautiful, but dull and non vivid.

I recall my goal to renter my Star Wars dream from the night before but this time with theatrical music. As I blind summon a lightsaber, the dream goes dark. I spin the thing about and see a glowing red blade streak against the void. Unfortunately, the dream fades quickly and I wake up.

I have some other dreams, but frustratingly, they are non lucid.

It's lunch time at work and I want to eat out. l am in the parking lot of the University campus in town and I can't find my car anywhere. I begin to panic and cry that this is the worst lunch experience ever. :lol;

I am with someone in a building but it's all a scam. I can't find the flash light, but another woman knows things that other can't. She tells me exactly where to find it. I dismiss the other woman and follow this one. She tells me she also knows where my car is.

I have a negative experience where my parents show up in the middle of the night/early morning and let themselves in. They want to see my son and loudly call his name. I hiss at them that he is asleep. I argue with my dad over religion and call him a few choice words. I tell him religion ruined my life. I wake feeling bad about the dream.