Xanous' Dream Journal

#254 - 04:53 AM - DEILD

I DEILD from a non lucid dream and slowly vibes start up. I become excited but quickly push that away and just focus on the vibes for a moment.

I get up blind. I have to open my dream eyes and its a little difficult at first. Slowly I begin to see and I focus on an object. I am in some extra fancy remodelled version of my house. I set outside into daylight. There is a redbrick patio garden with iron chairs and table. I recognize my old friend Jackie sitting there looking at me. I shout out her name in surprise but walk past interested.

I am thrown back into an FA with vibes again. This time when I get up and open my dream eyes it feel slightly painful like my eyes are glued shut. I manage to open them regardless but see moonlight projected on my bedroom wall. I quickly close them afraid I was opening my physical eyes. I focus on seeing on the back of my eyelids as I make my way outside.

Now that I am out, I see that It's dark now. I walk into my yard, remembering my task to jack Santa's sleigh. I yell out for him and get a reply. However, it sounds like a half crazy hill-billy speaking gibberish. It seems like the voice came from a small wooden shack across the street, but I am pretty sure this isn't Santa so decide to ignore him.

Still looking for Santa, I fly up hoping to see his sleigh. It's slow going and I realize I am only halfway up the height of the tree in my front yard. I summon a jetpack hoping this will help. I push a button on the extension in front of me and hear the roar as I imagine myself projected forward. Unfortunately, I soon realize that I am barely making my way across the yard. I try for more height but I feel block like some invisible ceiling is above me. I feel the dream destabilizing and my vision going dark so I decide to land.

I end up in the shack across the street and I begin rummaging through tools for stability. It doesn't help and I soon find myself in the void. I begin to believe that I am waking up but check myself. I do a nose plug and blow clean. Not willing to give up, I look for my hands and rub. In a few seconds my vision returns and I am standing outside the shack and in the street. There is an old 80's model black hatchback sitting idle. I ask the driver for a ride and the back door pops open. I start to get in and notice there are no occupants in the car. I say out loud, "Oh hell no. I'm getting in the front. I'm driving." Now, the front driver side door pops open in submission.

When I get in, I notice and old dirty, musty smell and wonder how old this car really is. I decide to give up on Santa, but what now? China! I begin driving and the sun emerges to full noon. The neighbourhood blurs past as I drive a fast as I can. Suddenly the road ends and there’s a chain-link fence. I see a concrete barrier and a river beyond. I tell the dream that this is the border between China and the US. I pull up on the steering wheel and the car pops over the river. I tell the dream that I am now in China and I look around expecting to see things that look like China. But the dream was stubborn and instead U.S. flags begin to sprout out of the asphalt and concrete. Refusing to give in, I start thinking more about China and I begin to hear some man speak unconvincing Chinese. It's all I have so I focus on it but at that moment, I wake up.

#253 - DILD - 4:28AM

I get really annoyed with the quality of DEILDs so I hope for DILD

I am watching Nick and Hank from Grimm talking in front of a building with a covered pick up/drop off area. Nick walks away and I feel that I am supposed to follow him. I feel like this all a video game and watch as he turns right toward another really close building. I wonder what will happen if I turn the other way. I say, "Screw it." and turn left instead. I follow a narrow alley like a hallway between buildings for a few feet and it suddenly stop at a dead end. I am little shocked and hear loud dun dun DUNN music. I figure this part of the game was not supposed to be seen and I broke the rules. The idea of limited environment makes me think of the dreams pace and I suddenly become lucid.

I hurry back to were Nick went but he is nowhere to be seen. I try to think of my goal but all I can remember is my back up plan, ask a DC for a gift. Damn. I really had something in mind but I just can't recall it. I become afraid that I will destabilise by thinking too long on this so I move on. I look around and see that on the side of a building there is a stairway leading up and an elevator. A Hispanic man in a hair net and white uniform walks up to the elevator, pushes the button and waits. I approach him asking, "Do you have a gift for me?" He looks scared and puts both hands in front of him as he starts speaking fast Spanish. The elevator door opens and I walk in giving up on the man.

Inside, there are three or four men. They look like business men in suits but one gets my eye. He's a large ginger who looks a lot like Arthur Weasley. I ask everyone in the elevator but look at the ginger, "Do you have a gift for me?" Suddenly, they all become very nervous and start clearing throats and muttering uncertain words. I wait patiently with both hands held behind my back thinking they surely have something to give me. The ginger starts patting his pant pockets and dives a hand in one. He quickly produces a coin and tosses it in the air toward me. I think that my dreaming eyes will be unable to follow but I deftly snatch it out of the air. When I look at the coin I see it is copper colored. "Oh. A penny." At that, the elevator door opens on the other side and I exit not ready to give up on this.

I am now in what looks like a waiting room lobby full of people. As I stroll through, I spot an extremely beautiful blonde woman lounging in an arm chair. The room darkens save for a beam of light on the woman. She appears to be from the 40's era but looks strangely like an older version of a Disney star who's name escapes me at the moment. I stop dead in my tracks with my jaw on the floor. I timidly approach the woman having real anxiety and shyness. When I get close she looks up at me. I am barely able to speak at first but my words suddenly rush out at the end, "Um hey. Um so...do you have a gift for me?" I give a nervous smile.
She smiles and nods, "Mmmm Hmmm."
I suddenly lose my nervousness at the prospect of sex, "Oh do you?"
She just rolls her eyes and gets up moving to the other side of the room. There is very large purse or cloth bag on a chair. She reaches in then pauses, "Wait. Do you have a gift for me?"
Shit! I am at a loss and begin to act like the guys in the elevator. I pat my pockets finding nothing but suddenly remember that I can just summon something. For some reason I don't want to be a show-off so I use expectation to find a gift sitting in the room. I turn around and there is a couch with people on it. I walk to the end and expect to find the present sitting on the other side. I push past a woman in a chair and reach down hoping it will appear. My hands grasp on a small box and it materializes before my eyes. It's neatly wrapped in white paper with green and red ornaments on it. Yes!

As I walk the package back to the woman I think that I had better decide what the gift is. I don't want it to be something lame. Judging by the size, I decide it should be jewellery. She's now holding a medium sized box wrapped in red paper with green stripes. We quickly exchange gifts and I tear into mine right away. It's a white box with some writing on it that looks a lot like a board game. I squint to read the yellow writing: NATIONAL LAMPOONS AND BREAKFAST CLUB TRIVIA. I ask if this is a board game and she nods smiling. "Thanks!", I say.
She now unwraps her gift revealing a black felt box. (The type you would expect to have jewellery in) Then, she asks an odd question, "Where does it go?"
I am confused and not sure I understand, "What?"
She repeats herself more clearly now, "Where... does... it go?"
Still thinking she is being very odd, I think "necklace" and trace a line on her chest near her neck. I answer, "Right there."
She smiles and begins to open the box as I take the seat next to her. She pauses, "Is it Lavender Ruby?"
I picture a white gold necklace with purple gems. Wondering what the hell is wrong with this woman I answer, "Well, It's um purple. Amethyst, I think."
She lifts the lid only slightly and quickly closes it looking a little disappointed.
Guessing her thoughts, I ask, "You're going to return it aren't you?"
Without looking at me, she gives a slight nod.
I become annoyed and a little hurt at this, "Why are you being a bitch in my dream?"
Her only response is a playful pouty-lipped-look. I feel bad about calling her a bitch and hug her. I close my eyes as we kiss. The kiss feels odd and I suddenly break away.

I think about how this woman is so lifelike but isn't real at all. In fact, she is just... me. I become curious about what part of my subconscious she is so I ask, "Who are you?"
She smiles and responds, "How are you?"
I don't find the humour in this and sarcastic reply, "Haha how funny." I try again, "What's your name?"
This time get a an actual answer but it seems she is lying because she stumbles on the name like she is just making it up, "Amar...rosa."
"Your name is Amarosa?" (Not Omarosa. There was a distinct 'A' sound.)
She smiles at me and snuggles into my chest. I put an arm around her and want to enjoy this but decide this is wrong. I go ahead and let her down gently, "Well, Maybe in the next life but not this one." I push her away and see looks at me questioningly. "I'm already married. Sorry but I have to go." As if on cue I wake up.

#252 - DEILD - 3:09AM

I have a FA and try to DJ a non lucid. My wife starts talking to me and saying something about how she really enjoyed waking up with me in the middle of the night to eat a meal. I ask her if that really happened but she stops talking giving no answer. I become slightly annoyed and ask again. No response. I go back to DJing doubting the whole experience. I notice my journal app has a section for "Magazines" and I can seem to find the area to start typing. My wife starts talking nonsense and I decide this is all a dream. The whole thing pisses me off and I say, "You're not even my wife so leave me alone. Leave me alone in the name of Jesus. How's that?" I'm not sure why I said that but I think it meant it as a mockery or insult.I get up and enter the bathroom. I see my reflection in the mirror and I begin making crazy faces at myself. Then I say something in an impossibly deep voice.

I have an FA and immediately do a nose plug. Have to do several to makes sure but each on blows clean. I get up but this time I am totally blind. I try several tricks but nothing works. So I just start walking around trying to see my hands.

I have another FA and see a red light on the wall. "Jeeeesus. Again?" I nose plug and move out of the bedroom. Some how I see another red light though the door and I think that if I open the door the room will the light up in red. I am disappointed when nothing changes so I stop, close my eyes and do the Nestea Plunge expecting water.

I hear the slash and the sounds of being deep under water. I don't feel wet but feel a sense of pressure on my body. I make swimming motions enjoying the feeling for awhile. Then suddenly, I am in a bath tub naked with no water. I hear a sound like a garbage truck outside. There is a window on the other side of the room and I get up to go look. My wife turns over and I wake up.

#251 - DEILD - 2:04AM

I DEILD from a NLD ridiculously easy. The vibrations come really weak at first but I remain patient and focus. Soon the vibes get super strong then taper off. I wait a little longer and begin to see a youtube video about Galantamine. I see large print at the bottom: GALANTAMINE CHEATS. Come guy is going on about cheats to make Galantamine fool proof.

After than nonsense fades away, I decide to move. I have the usual stuff happen and make my way into the living room and head to the door. It's super dark and hard too see anything. As I reach the door I feel a creepy sense of presence behind me. I turn to look and can see a version of my living room with a recliner in it. There is light only on the places that I focus on but I can clearly see my cats looking at me and a creepy toy doll sitting in the recliner. It evil beady little eyes are looking at me. Fear grips me and I begin to panic. At that point the doll and the cats slowly stalk toward me. I try to phase backwards through the door but can't get it to work.

The first and only defence I can think of is to shoot energy from my hands. I put both hands out and they instantly light up with green/blue energy. I make throwing motions and balls of energy shoot at the doll and my cats. Each one misses but lights up the room as they pass. I become less afraid and more impressed with my magic abilities. I have been trying this for so long and now it is effortless.

As the fear fades, I decide to try to merge with the doll and understand what it happening. I stop and relax; waiting with both knees on the floor. Soon, I see a small being emerge from the shadows and bump into my stomach with a tiny little hug. With fear returning, I try to grab it to strangle the life out of it but my physical hands move and I wake up clutching my stomach.

#250 - DILD - 8:55AM

I wake around 8AM with pretty poor recall. I decide to mantra as I fall back to sleep

Somehow I know that I am loading up in an Animus like Assassin's Creed. For whatever reason I pick the guy that has severe back problems. There is a cut-scene where he has a freak fork-truck accident outside and is injured in the upper back. Several hours pass when someone finally finds him in a pool of blood.

The dream skips and I am now the man. I am with my wife who has chosen to be a another woman in the Animus. I see Amanda and Dina from work is with us also. We all decide to get in our Dodge and I start to get in the driver seat but remember I have a hurt back and shouldn't drive. Suddenly there is pain in my lower right back. I put my hand in the black and moan. The pain become pretty intense but I do my best to ignore it. I think I better get see a doctor and get some workman's comp. I wonder how I skipped that part.

Amanda is driving and suddenly Dina walks in front of the car. We swerve around her but she keeps getting in the way. I ask Amanda what her deal is and she says that Dina is just mad because we are all going out to eat but she doesn't have any money. Amanda goes on to explain why she can't and won't pay for her. Something about how she doesn’t really have the money.
I ask hypothetically, "Well, if she knew she didn't have any money then why did she agree to go out to eat?" We turn and Dina is over by the curb with her head down kicking at rocks. I feel bad and think that maybe I should offer to pay but now the whole thing is just too awkward and it's too late to even say anything.

My back hurts again and I let out a moan. I wonder how my Animus character was hurt in the upper back but the lower back is what hurts. The pain is really is bad and I tell everyone in the car that I don't like this dream. Everyone goes completely silent and I feel like I slipped up like I broke character.
Shocked, a woman, probably my wife, says, "What?"
I don't look at whomever was speaking but I quickly recover. Looking down at my lap and then out the window, I reply, "I mean I don't like this life."
The woman says something about how that is a horrible thing to say.

My lucidity slips as we enter a drive-thru that quickly turns into us standing in line indoors. Amanda and some other people order in front of me. My back starts hurting again and this time I rub it with my hand. My muscle feels really tense and I wonder if my physical body is actually hurting. I become distracted when the man behind the counter asks me what I want. I realize I have not been paying attention and feel pressured. I ask where my wife is so that she can order ahead of me, but Amanda says she wondered off some place. I look at the menu board and all I see is ice cream, shakes and sunday's... stuff like that. I think I just want a hamburger meal but I don’t see it anywhere. What is this place? Bruam's? They should have hamburgers. The man is getting impatient with me now and the people in line behind me are looking at me. Out of desperation, I say, "I'll... umm.. I'll take... theeee... burger combo with fries and a drink?" The man nods and a girl next to him says an amount to pay. I don't remember what it was but I start looking in my wallet for $17.

The bill look odd with strange monetary values. I pull out a 10 and a 5 but can't seem to find any 1's. I see several $2 and $4 bills and laugh at it. Then I lose track of how much I had already counted out and start over. The 10 vanishes and I have several 5's that are stuck together. I worry about giving too many 5's and try to peel them apart. I notice how strange they look and wonder what's going on. Then It dawn's on me that this stuff seems to happen in dreams and I become fully lucid. I stop messing with the bills and just giggle. I turn to some people next to me, one of them looks like my mother, and I say, "It's ok. I can give them anything I want and it will work." I look in my wallet again and pull out a small yellow rectangle of constriction paper. There seems to be some writing on it but it's blurry so I hold it close like some extremely near-sighted old man. The letters become clear. The paper has something like a restaurant logo printed in a type of cursive.

ANGELICO'S

Satisfied, I hand the paper over as payment and begin to walk off, but the woman yells at me to wait. I wonder if maybe I'm supposed to somehow get change back as I turn back around. The woman say's, "You're supposed to get a few pennies back."
I smile and say, "That's ok ya'll can keep it."
She replies with a sarcastic, "Gee thanks." I leave the area.

I now I am in some strange and confusing part of the restaurant not sure what to do. My younger daughter walks up to me and I talk to her about something for a while. Then, thinking of past lives I ask her, "How old are you actually?"
Without missing a beat she replies, "One hundred and seventy-two."
I feel excited and hyper and I shout, "Right on! That's bad ass!" I calm my tone and then ask, "OK. What's mine?" I have a five hundred something number in my head and I wonder where I got that from. I wonder if that will affect her answer. I know it will so as she answers, I mouth the words with her.
"Five hundred.." I start mouthing a the rest of it different but she continues undeterred. "...thirty-six years and forty eight months.
I say, "hmm. Five hundred thirty-six years? Well I'm not sure about the months part but yeah that's about right. I suddenly wake up.

#249 - DILD - 4:49AM

So I was listening to some crappy dreaming podcast and they mentioned mirror meditation to view past lives. I looked it up and it all sounded like something I wouldn't actually do but I thought why not try in a lucid dream? So that was my task for this one.

The first thing I remember is walking on a street on a warm sunny day. I suddenly hear a loud wet fart coming from the street drainage system. I laugh and assume its connected to a bathroom some place. The smell is horrible. As I try stepping over the gutter, I fall face first in the street. My movements feel sluggish and slow. As I lay there with one cheek on the warm asphalt I think this sensation feels familiar and I am missing something important. Before I realize its a dream I am able to walk again.

I make my way into a house. I still smell shit and wonder if its me. I go into a bathroom and check myself. I'm good so I make to leave. There's a cat in there wanting out but put it in and start to close the door. As I do, I notice a bowl on the counter full of cat shit. I wonder if that is the source of the smell and lean in to check. I sniff and decide that has to be it. I close the door then pause. I realize how odd it is to have cat shit in a bowl so I open the door again to take another look but the bowl is now gone.

I become lucid and remember my mirror task. Conveniently, its a bathroom so I look up and see myself in a very large mirror. I stare at my face waiting for it to change but it just looks blurry. Then, I ask, "Who was I before?" My entire reflection fades out and I see my face on another smaller person to the right. As I watch my face morphs in to a little girl who looks just a little bit like me but not anyone I could recognize. She is shirtless and has long brown hair in a ponytail. I gasp, "I was a little girl!"

She turns and walks out so I look for my reflection and it reappears. I worry that the dream will destablize and I really didn't expect for that goal to go so fast, so to stabilize while I think of something, I clap my hands and just watch my reflection while I think. I notice a few times my reflection was actually a little slower than my dream self. I laugh a little but mostly ignore that little dream hiccup. Then, I realize I too am shirtless and begin to feel very naked. So for fun, I stand on the counter to see my entire body. I am even more shocked when I have a vag! At first I freak a little and feel for my penis but all I feel is vag. Not just vag but it feels very small. I rub it a little but get no pleasure from it. Then I decide this is a all a joke and I laugh out loud. I say "I'm a girl."

I turn to the open bathroom door and see a dude walking by. I spread it and shout, "Hey! I'm a girl!" He ignores me but I briefly get some OpheliaBlue ideas. I think I don't really want to go there. Besides this is all too funny for that. I walk down a hallway with my naked hairy man body and little girl vagina shouting, ,"Hey, Look at me. I'm a girl." I turn a corner and blindly enter some room. Both of my daughters are playing and they freeze when they see me. The look of horror on their faces makes me pause. I have that awkward moment of inaction and I suddenly feel completely embarrassed. After a moment I slowly back away saying nothing. Thankfully, my wife rolls over waking me up.

I had an LD during the first hour of sleep but stupid me didn't try to recall or DJ it. I was so sleepy that I didn't even care. Basically, I fell asleep with a mantra and started noticing HI or what I thought was HI. I realized I must be dreaming. All I can recall was running around some neighbourhood exploring.

#248 - WILD - 4:00AM

I wake from a dream and hold still to DEILD. The vibes come almost right away but I realize my wife has an elbow in my side and it bothers me so I adjust breaking my DEILD.

I get comfortable and WILD. Soon I start getting motions with no vibes. I spend a lot of time surging forward and up and down at incredible speeds. The "G Forces" gets me stomach with each surging to the point that my whole body tenses up and its almost uncomfortable. All the while I see multicoloured geometric shapes and hear a strange electronic stumping sound. I hold on and enjoy the ride but really want to get dreaming.

I begin to see a projection on the wall of my bedroom and all the geometric shapes are now on that. Soon it morphs into a blurry scene with people so I reach forward and press into it. There is a lot of resistance but I manage to get in. I look around but everything is a blurry mess and it all collapses.

I don't wake up but return to my bed. I begin to feel horny and suddenly I see two cheerleaders cheering in front of an audience in a GYM. They look old enough and I go for one. Long story short, I tackle her and lift her skirt and go at it. The other walks by and I grab her ankle pulling her to me. I then give her oral while doing the other. I stop myself just before this turns into a wet dream. I'm a little disgusted myself.

Suddenly I'm back in bed. I think to just get up and walk. There is a little resistance but I manage. I kick myself for not trying this in the first place. I realize I feel extremely wet though I think its probably just because of the idea of a wet dream. I am in some strange studio apartment and see a bathroom door. Some woman passes in front of me but I ignore her. I wake up.

#247 - DEILD Chain - 3:28 AM

I am in bed cuddling and talking with my ex-wife. I am very aware of the feel of her next to me and notice she isnt wearing much. I begin to want sex and make out. She moving on top of my and I try to feel her breasts under her night gown. She grabs my hands and pushes them away. She tells me that doesn't want to with her parents home. I look at her face more closely and she is beautiful and much younger. I think this must just be a memory: a time before we started fighting. I remember that we divorced and I feel bad that things went so badly between us. I want to ask her if she regrets it all but I am afraid to mention it. I remember my new wife and the love I have for her. I think how wrong this is and that thought partially wakes me up.

I DEILD and vibrations start. There is a short and deep electronic growling sound and the vibes become faint then are gone. For a second I worry that I woke up but realize I that just phased really fast. I have a knowing that I am in my old bedroom in TX but I feel my wife next to me. I don't realize until later that she is on the wrong side of me. I quickly get out of bed, but something has my right hand. I can't see very well and the thing feels like cloth tied to my wrist. I struggle for a second but then chose to ignore it. My hand some free but there is a slight feeling of something on my wrist still. As I turn to the bedroom door I see 3 ghosts in sheets looming ominously before me blocking my exit. Like usual, I begin to verbally rebuke them with a good tongue lashing, but this time the words catch in my throat and I can only gasp. I am afraid and start to panic but quickly calm myself. I remember that I am the master of my domain. I assume an authoritative stance and point at them. The three entities immediately turn back into mere sheets and drop to the floor. I step over them and make my way through a very dark house. I mostly navigate from memory of the place and make my to the front door. As I reach for the doorknob, I sense a presence behind me. I turn to see if it is the ghosts and sure enough one of the sheets is following me. This time without fear I reach a hand toward it. The sheet collapses and comes to into grasp. I tuck the sheet into my "inventory" and say out loud, "We can use you to scare someone later." Smiling, I turn to the door but wake up.

I Deild and have more vibes. I focus and relax. I begin to feel myself sinking into the mattress. I have a couple of episode where I try to open my eyes but feel like my physical eyes open. I confuses me and causes me to start over. I am annoyed and just begin some walking motions. I am back in the hallway totally blind. I begin crawling feeling the title on the floor. Soon, I run into the front door. I have difficulty trying to open so I phase. I get partially into it and wake.

Again, I relax into a DEILD. Vibes. More sinking. This time I try floating but can only manage a few feet. Now I spend a lot of time playing with feeling stuck in transition. I begin to get bored and even more annoyed. I go back to crawling but this time I Imagine crawling outside. I feel grass in my hand and focus on it. I hear something like a truck with no muffler pass close by. I wonder if that's really happening, but quickly dismiss it. I remember that I could hear the boxfan a lot a few minutes ago and decide it's probably a sound distortion.

Now, I focus on seeing through my eyelids and my hands appear in front of me. I continue crawling in the grass begin to get short glimpses of a several patches of flowers. Some red and some are yellow. I note the feel of them. Then, I stop feeling pissed off that I just can't get deep in the dream enough. I begin to feel like Gollum from LOTR the way I am crawling around. I make reflexivly a "gollum" sound deep in my throat as I attempt looking around. I ingore that little outburst as I try to visualize a scene. To my dismay, nothing happens. I roll over on my back and look up. I get a brief view of night sky with a moon behind some clouds then go blind again. I decide to give up and relax. I focus on the two sense I do have. I listen and begin to hear the sounds of a deep forest at night. I hear crickets, frogs and even something like whip-poor-will. I focus on that and begin feeling peaceful and totally relaxed. I begin floating up and down several times as I listen soothing sounds of nature. I wake again.

I DEILD. Again, I imagine myself walking. I am back in my old bedroom. I can see a little better now but not nearly good enough so I decide to just play around until the dream gets just a little more stable. I am feeling a little tired from so much focus and start to lose my train of thought. There is a vision of a ninja woman. I say something taunting her. I summon a blade but It's just a little knife. I have some internal dialogue and try again. This time, a dagger. Better but not enough. I regain my focus and I realize I have been reaching with my right hand from the left side of my waist. Maybe if I reach over my shoulder like I am caring on it my back, it will be a ninja sword. I reach and pull out a huge,shiny Daikatana. I am alone in my room but I begin yelling some random Japanese phrases. I have no idea what I am saying but can't control myself. The words sound legit like I know what I am doing. I see a black bookcase and slash at it. The sword seems to have become invisible but the bookcase smashes apart. I plant my feet and do a spinning slash at another object. I feel like my movements are fluid and precise like I have had some training. I still don't see well as my vision is very dim. I turn and see daylight through red curtains on my window. I slash at intending to cut only the fabric. I hear and feel it but the curtain seem to be undamaged. I am shocked and I stare at them a moment wondering what went wrong. I shrug this off and turn 90 degrees to my right. There is an entertainment center with an old TV. I do an huge over handed downward slash but there is no damage. I can feel the hilt in my hands but as I look there is no sword. I think, "What a total rip-off. Suddenly, I feel my wife roll over in bed and this breaks my concentration. I wake up totally..


I was pleased with this dream but also disappointed it didn't go the way I wanted. I got really bad insomnia after this and instead of riding it out I decide it was prime time to play some AC4!

I partially wake from sone dream and notice how dreamlike my body feels. I hold still and notice that I can hear the boxfan. The moment I pay attention to it the sound morphs into the sound of the dining chair scooting on the hardwood. My son likes to do that and I wonder if this is really happening, but I quickly decide this is not likely. The sound is so loud that is fills my ears so that I don't even hear the fan. That thought brings the fan noise back and I feel my physical body again. I relax and renter the dreamstate bring the chair sound back. I focus on this for a moment to get deeeper in the dreamstate but I begin to wonder how I was able to turn this on and off like that. I let myself shift from physical body to dream body a couple of times at will. I try to analyse the feeling in hopes that i will be able to do this later at will. It seems like I can feel the chemical change in my brain and I was controling it like a switch. I begin to over analyse this feeling and soon lose my control of the dreamstate becoming fully awake. I quickly try to relax and DEILD but I let go too much and fall non-lucid.

#246 - DILD - 7:45AM

I have some confusing FA where my wife is freaking out that I was supposed to pick my daughters up for the weekend but I never did. I sleepily try telling her that we only had them for Thanksgiving. Then I hear her yelling at them about something and I tell her to chill out before rolling over to go back to sleep.

Something gets my awareness and I remember I had been trying all morning to get lucid. I lay still to WILD but I don't realize this is all one dream. I don't feel any vibrations but feel pretty sure that I am in the zone. I test it by slowly trying to get out of bed. I have no trouble moving but find I have become blind. There is that odd feeling of opening my physical eyes so I just focus on seeing through my eyelids and look at my hands. In a second or two I see them and begin rubbing. In another second I suddenly see my living room and make my way outside. As I open the front door I feel as well as hear that I am wearing my heavy coat. I note how funny this is but don't worry about it too much.

It's dark but I can see something like the morning sun coming up on the horizon. It's small and dark and red. I think of a red dwarf. Two goals come to mind: Board a pirate ship and China TOTY. I don't feel like the dream is stable enough to try either so I begin to explore the neighbourhood. I look at the sun again and it seems to be high enough to give me light but it is dim, too red and there are dark clouds partially obscuring it. Still, there should be some light on the ground but the neighbourhood is as dark as as a moonless night.

Frustrated, I run down the road some and see a car quickly approaching. I put a thumb out hoping it will stop and take me to a better lit area. The car slows but it doesn't stop. It makes a right hand turn and drives past my house. I feel the dream fading. I begin to rub my hands and feel the sidewalk but It's no use. Blackness envelopes me and I assume that I am waking up.

I am watching some show about a small child that has been abused. I feel sorry for it and think this is so horrible. I remember that I need to DJ and wake myself up.

#245 - DEILD - 7:23AM

I have a really long dream about riding a white horse in a field at night. I am riding bare back and take it slow at first. Then I get some nerve and decide to run but every time I held on by hugging the horses neck it would slow down. Finally I take it into a crappy and confusing barn. I lose the horse for a minute and find it curled up sleeping in a small cage on a shelf. I say something about how sleepy it must have been. A woman shows up and asks, rather apologetically, if she scared me. I thought she was being weird since I showed no signs of being scared at all. I say something about the horse and how small it looks. The woman says its just tired from supporting all my weight. I look at her funny wondering if that was a fat joke. She's bigger than I am.

I half wake up or maybe it was just an FA. I feel like I am in that halfway point and there are mild vibrations. I partially open my eyes and see my wife is gone. (True she went to work) I focus on the vibrations and they get stronger. I falter and almost don't do it but then I tell myself I should just go for it. I slowly roll over to get out of bed. I note how I can feel my feel my sleeping body not moving but I can also feel my dream body easily moving. At that point I decide to just quickly stand up.

I get up and go into the living room. I am a little surprised how vivid and stable the dream is. I rush to the front door and open it. I feel like I am just in my underwear but try to ignore it. There are beautiful huge piles of fall coloured leaves along the street with piles of pumpkins. I note how curious this is but pause because I remember my goal to look at my tattoo in the mirror. I go back in the living room to the large mirror above the couch. When I look I see my face looks fairly normal but my tattoo looks small and stupid. Its basically three main lines forming a bird's head. I look closely and trace the lines with my finger to remember it.

The sound of my son's waking and crying jolts me out of the dream.

Fragment:

There was a Dream Views book with all my posted dream printed in color on quality paper. It see my avatar and start reading but its all gibberish. I think they could have at least edited all my typos.

#244 - DILD
I get to bed early at 7:30pm! This is a weak LD but I am going to count it considering how random and aidless it was.

1:26am

I am driving some place and my wife calls me. She leads me to my old house that I lost during my divorce and bankruptcy. I pull into the driveway and go in. She is there and tells me that she was able to buy it. I spend some time talking to her about it and at one point to go ahead and do a nose plug. I blow through but I am not sure this is right. I do a second nose plug and know this only happens in dreams. I am so happy about her getting my house back and my wife still talking so much that become too distracted to think about this much.

We talk some more and my wife tells me that the payments are only $166. This seems like it's too good to be true so I ask how that can be. I ask her about insurance and taxes. I hope that the actual payments somehow match what we are used to. I say, "You must have got one hell of an interest rate."

As if she suddenly gets an idea, she say, "I did!" We go on to talk about this some more but I am not totally convinced. I feel something is off. She says, "I don't know. I just showed up with $800 down and was able to buy it."

I ask, "Where did you just get $800 without me noticing?" She gives no reply. In fact, she has gone brain dead like so many of my DC's in past. I think this has to be a dream but I am so hopeful this is all somehow true that I chose to ignore this. I wonder if she donated plasma to save the money.

As if she read my mind, my wife says, "I donated plasma to save up the $800." I think this is my own thought and must be a dream. Again, I don't want to believe this. I begin to wonder how all of this is possible. The last I knew, someone bought this house. How did the lose it so fast? Is this house cursed? The people before me got divorced and sold it. I got divorced and lost it. Maybe the people after me got divorced too. I don't want to end that way again. I resolve that whatever the curse well will break it.

I am lying in a bed cuddling with my wife. I tell her how happy I am about all of this. I look out the window and see two giant wild boars. I say, "Look! Boars! One looks like it has a turtle shell on it's back. "Turtle pigs?" I look closer and see that the one that I thought was a turtle actually has a box on its back. The dream fades and I wake up.

I am really pissed that it wasn't real!

I feel wide awake and decide to have a mini WBTB and SSILD

4:34AM

Some guy sees a huge storm brewing on radar in South Africa.

The scene skips to him in South Africa. He is standing on a hillside watching an enormous storm roll in. There is thunder and lightning. He is worried about this being something on a global scale.

This is a man surfing as the storm rolls in. He is taking advantage of the huge waves. I feel as if I am in the barrel roll with him. Suddenly the wave stops and there is a wall of waving clear light or maybe it is a water probe like in the Abyss. It is coming for him. He puts the board up in protection but a tendril juts forth and pokes holes in it. There is a wall of air to the left. It seems like atmosphere. A voice says something about "to the ends of the Earth".

Suddenly, I am in a mall that is just off the beach. I know the wall of.. energy?.. Is coming. Everyone is panicking and looting. I pause at some store and pocket some cheap jewellery. The shop owner sees me but lets me go. I pass an actual jewellery store but it has been cleaned out. I mentally kick myself for missing that one. There are some thuggish looking dude walking off with a chest full of jewellery. I feel envious of them.

Suddenly, I become lucidly aware. I look around and notice the bright colors of the mall. It looks similar to the Children’s Hospital in Kansas City. A random woman pass by me and wonders off into a hallway. I remember my simple goal to observe my tattoo on a mirror. I look around and see some Whack-A-Mole game near a wall with a mirror. I think this is good enough and walk towards it slowly. My breathing is way too fast and I feel excited. I feel that I must concentrate to hold the dream together. The walk other there is taking way too long and the dream fades.

I have a false awakening and begin to DJ with a black sharpie and a scrap of paper. I struggle to write the first sentence of my dream until I actually wake up. I do a nose plug to be sure.

#243 - SSILD

3:00am (alarm for WBTB)

I am at Patrick and Jessie’s house with my wife. We are all talking about the 50th anniversary episode of Doctor Who. Then a bunch of people start making a Dalek formation on the floor I join in and become the head. I put a arm out for the "eye". I look at my wife standing there and ask if she is going to take a picture.


3:56am

I am working on some cables at work on the overhead boards. I check lengths on some woods boards and pass them off to someone. I pick up a stack of pink paperwork but they look like some type of black ink has been spilled on them with areas that have been bleached out. I realize that I am dreaming but for some reason I think that I can't do that now since I am at work and I lose all lucidity.

The scene turns into a party at some fancy mansion and I see a younger and slimmer version of Jana in some kind of cop costume. In fact everyone is in costume. Jana looks at me a poses with a grand gesture at her body. Yeah I get it. Your slim. She then walks over to some women and begins flirting with them. I wonder if they know she is a lesbian.

Then Justin walks in the front door in some type of Phantom of the Opera costume but the mask looks like a Cyberman. He sings something to some nearby people and wonders off into the main room. I get the idea that I must be dreaming but I wake up.

4:49AM

I am at work and decide that I am dreaming. I don't really have that dawning realization but I actually decide that I want to be dreaming. I only remember thinking that all these work dreams must be because I've been working so much overtime. I lose lucidity.

I am in my house doing something... I don't know what. Again I decide I want to be dreaming. At first I think it might just be HI because after my last waking at 3:56am I wanted to WILD. But no, this seems a little more than that and I accept it as a dream.

I look around and notice my house. My vision is blurry but notice how my house looks like a blend between my normal house and something that I think of as an apartment. After a moment, I decide to go outside. I reach the front door and notice the door knob is at the top. There are dark yellow opaque panes of glass on either side of the door. I concentrate and expect a door knob in the proper place. When I look again its there but it wont turn. I blindly reach for a dead bolt and turn it. The door opens.

Again the area looks like waking life with a blend of something unfamiliar. Gravity becomes light and I begin taking long slow jumps into the air. I begin to giggle like a kid enjoying the feeling. After several jumps I begin making a swimming motion in the air and start to actually fly. I move above the tree line and lose my reference point. I get a feeling of vertigo and all I see is light blue sky and dots of green. I will myself back down. Once I feel myself touch the ground my vision returns to normal. I decide to settle for bouncing around more than flying.

I am in a wooded area with open-walled sheds that have old corrugated tin roofs. I jump to the roof tops and bounce from building to building. That's when I begin to think about several goals I have. I pick the first one I think of: China. I look forward and notice that I seem to be in a mountainous area heading up a steep rocky hill where the building are built into. There is a long structure jutting out of one the buildings on the hill; It looks like a conveyor belt with an enormous valve at the end. My first thought is that must be some type of grain mill. It all looks familiar and I think of something from Fallout. I don't pay too much attention to it because I want to get over this hill and use expectation to make it to the great wall. A huge tree is in front of me and the branches cover me. At the top of the hill I see a train passing by. I find this curious and begin to float toward it. Unfortunately, I get hung up on one of the branches and can't seem to escape. I feel like a helium balloon with no way to control my flight. I look back at the train and notice a thick wall of trees that stand impossibly high. I realize that I must not only reach the train but fly over the giant wall of trees. The task feels impossible and I give up.

I have some wakefulness at this point and stay up for about 45 min before returning to bed.

#6:35AM

I am in some house with a door that wont close properly. I think it must need vents. My dog daisy is whining from some place in the room but I can't find her. I go outside and my wife has put several animals in a large rabbit cage. I expect to see ferrets but they look odd and hairless. There are also a few sugar gliders curled up in hammocks with several white birds perched on wooden dowels. I shrug at the sight and laugh to myself as I walk back in the house. I think we probably need to find a place inside before it gets cold. I pause at the back steps. Something isn't right it should be cold. I become aware of the temperature but notice its not hot or cold. Well, it's still fall but we should probably do something soon. I look down and realize I grabbed something from the trash can that is next to the cage. I have a bag of old rotten potatoes. I smell it and it's pretty foul. Instead walk all the way back to the trash, I hurl the bag toward it, missing. Close enough. I walk inside.

There is a pretty open floor plan and the kitchen and living room are pretty much the same room. I feel like my hands are dirty so I wash them in the sink. There is blood and I notice cuts on my hands. Two of my fingers are missing halfway. I franticly pray, "OH DEAR JESUS NO. PLEASE NO!" I take my hand out of the water and take a closer look. My hands are fine. I relax and think I must be losing my mind.

I hear my dad laughing and turn around to see him watching some comedian on TV. He keeps telling me that it's not funny. I ask him, "Then why are you laughing?" I walk around a partition to relax in a recliner while I listen for his reply.

I hear him say, "Well it was, but they lost me at..."

I wake up.

#242 - DILD - 03:04 AM

I am working in some strange factory I think with dirt floors and large metal cylinders. I see several people I know from my past but one guy stands out. Aaron. He is walking behind me and I keep looking back trying to place him. I feel something is off.

I suddenly have a Fa in some bed in the middle of the factory. I wish that I had talked to Aaron now that I realize it was a dream. I'm glad I had one so vivid but wish I had got lucid. I also realize that I passed out too fast before I could do an induction. I feel a little bummed my coffee didn't do much for me. I wonder what went wrong. I remember that I am trying to make a habit of doing a nose plug every time I wake up. I partly blow through. I find this odd but I am so sure I am awake. I try to rationalize why I would blow through at all. I breath out my nose normal and notice that the feeling is the same. I think maybe since I've been sick my nose is a little clogged. But that doesn't quite add up either so I try again. This time my breath stops.

I have another FA and this time I am at home in my own bed. I can't believe my nose plug RC failed but I decide I better do it again out of good practice. I partly blow through again. OK now I know something is up. This time I focus more intently on it. With more deliberation, I feel my hand squeeze hard on my nose but the feel is also a little numb. There's my first clue. Now, this time I blow through cleanly. Ha! I am dreaming still!

I have a hard time getting out of bed and it feels like the start of an OBE. I am actually in the void but I don't realize it yet. I open eyes but it feels like my physical eyes. Though all I see is total blackness I worry that I will wake myself up. I close my eyes and focus on seeing through my eyelids. Some shadows and patterns begin to take shape. I rub hands for stability and see them clearly in light against black void. I get up and start running into the void hoping a scene will form. I begin surging forward at an incredible rate and have an intense feeling of G-forces. It takes my breath away and I gasp loudly. The feeling surges through my whole body and I have to ground myself and focus before it gets too uncomfortable. Everything slows down and I continue forward. Now, I unintentionally level out horizontally and begin flying. I start surging forward like before and repeat the whole breathless gasping episode again. After I calm down again, I feel myself fall to my back. I don't want to end up in bed again so I try harder to focus on a scene.

Suddenly I am standing in my darkened house. I am in the living-room and move to a light switch. There are creepy shadows of some humanoid entities in my way. I feel fear so I curse at them and push through anyway. I am actually standing in the living-room/kitchen threshold where there are two light switches on both sides of the wall.

I flip light switches but only the light in my son's room on the other side of the living room comes on. I say out loud, "I want some fucking light in here right now." I Flip the switches on and off but it only effects my son's room. I flip them off again as I say, "Now!" Flip them on, "In hear right now". Something like fingers tickles my arm from the darkness in the kitchen. I turn and address the the shadows masking my fear with anger, "You mother fucking bitches better go away! I swear to God I'll fuck you up!" It stops.

I turn my attention back to the lights. I try flipping the switch switch one more time and again only my sons room lights up. Suddenly, I realize its not all that bad. There is at least some light coming on and it is actually realistically flooding into the living room enough to see some detail. I decide the dream must want me there so I go. I begin to feel exhilarated and my heart rate picks up. The excitement of what I might find has me bursting at the seems. I feel like I can do anything my heart desires though I know my time is short. I hurry across the living remembering not to be too excited.

There is a kind faced, smiling woman in the room. I recognize that she looks like a woman from work but also very different too. She is much taller and I feel like a child next to her. The top of my head probably comes only waist high. She is wearing a pink frilly dress like something from the Victorian era. I move close and take her hand, "Hi. Who are you?"

She doesn't look at me or respond to my question though I'm holding her large hand in both mine. She seems to only off handedly but surely acknowledge my presence. I hear my own voice respond to my question in my head, "KRISTY."

The thought doesn't feel like my own and I assume she's telepathic. I verbally ask her, "Will you take me with you?" I feel like I could use some help in this dream and feel excited about the idea of giving a DC control. They always surprise me and that's what I like in my lucids the most. Surprises.

I don't hear a voice in my head this time but receive a "knowing" that she will take me along. We start out the front door and It looks like more void out there. I look up at her again to hold on to some visual stability. This time my eyes do a strange rolling movement and my physical eye lids flit open.

I do a nose plug to confirm that I really am awake this time.

#241 - DEILD/OBE

I am sitting at work on a Saturday. We have finished all of our work but it's only 8:30am. (My alarm clock from home is at my desk.) Someone hands out information about health insurance changes. I don't like it and say something flippant. Something makes me turn around and I see Obama. He says something about how this a good thing. I say something really rude about how I don't like it and don't believe him. He looks mad but keeps his cool. I begin to feel excited about telling the president off. He tells me that the form on the back has a place to address my concerns. I say oh like that's going to do any good. He says well its hard to tell lies from truths. I reply shit I've been thinking that since the day I was born brotha. I look at my alarm clock again and is it's now almost time to go home. I get ready to leave and wake up

I decide to MILD from this dream and get vibrations starting into more of a DEILD. Suddenly a strong urge to pee brings me out of transition so I get up to take care of that and then go back to MILD. While going to the bathroom I see hallucinations in the dark though I know I am surely awake. There are images of grey aliens obscuring my vision like an after image from a bright light. I see through it as much as I can and ignore it unafraid. What happens next is confusing and my memory is bad.

At some point I get back in transitional stage and have an OBE. There was lots of confusion and sensations but I manage to eventually get the dream started but its unstable as hell. I slowly crawl from my bedroom to the front door, felling the floor along the way for stability. Unfortunately, the moment to touch the door knob my dream ends and I DEILD back to the transitional stage.

I feel really exhausted from my crawl and feel like it took so long. I really don't want to do that again so I just wait in my dream bed. I hear and feel my wife get up to go to the bathroom but think its probably the dream. The stereo is now in the bedroom and music begins to play. It sounds something like a mix of dubstep and southern rock. I enjoy the sound of it and summon a remote in my right hand. It feels more like a touch screen but I pretend like I am pushing a volume button. The music gets progressively louder and reaches a maximum. I try to go beyond that but can't. Then, the song ends and a more heavy metal song begins to play. I have no idea what the lyrics were because when I tried to focus on the words it sounded like gibberish. I continue to enjoy the music all they to a third song thought I don't think they were full songs. At some point, in the last song I begin to move to the beat but feel like I am physically shaking the bed and worry that my wife will wake. That thought makes me think I can hear her coming back from the bathroom and the volume of the music reduces drastically.

I remember some fragment were I become aware while peeing. The sensation of it feels real and I worry about peeing the bed. This thought brings me back to bed.

The there is a huge memory gap here but I have a vague indescribable memory of lucidity and get the feeling like there was more lucid parts. There was another odd transitional stage but the rest could be a false memory because the next dream I recall is about just that though the dream feels different.

I vaguely remember having a FA from a "lucid" at my parents old house. Some really creepy stuff ghostly stuff happening that I took video of on my phone. After the FA I was able to view it and think that I must have been sleep walking the whole time. The video was really odd and confusing and hard to describe as anything other than visual gibberish.