Xanous' Dream Journal

#504 - DILD - 3:20AM

V is at my house. He's afraid of something. He mentions something about holding a lot of drugs. I ask about a certain purchase but he becomes more agitated and says he can't sell or get rid of the drugs because they will get him. I let the subject go.

For some reason we lay down to sleep on the floor and he's way too close to for my liking. I feel like all of this is very odd and I almost start wondering if I am dreaming, but I hear an alarm clock. I get up and have some confusion about the time and stress that we need to hurry because we will be late for work. Some random woman gets up from the other side of V and gives me a friendly, but timid smile. I wonder who she is, but become distracted again when my mother approaches me, wearing a Starbuck's apron. She looks thinner and way younger. Something still feels off, but I don't have time to think it through.

She gets in close and says, "You know, your brother is a douche-bag." This is way out of character for her and I feel confusion. All I can say is, "Yeah".
I don't say it but I think, "we're all douche;bags; It runs in the family, mom."
She turns away to a table with customers. I look around and see that I am in some diner or, apparently, coffee shop. My brother's wife is behind a counter and looks annoyed. I figure she must have heard what my mom said. Then, I see my brother taking a tray of coffees to a table of waiting customers across the room. I ask my mom why they are working here. She say's my brother has (something) illness.
I ask, "So, he just moved and started working here? Why!?"
Mom replies something, but I don't quite hear her. I am still trying comprehend the idea of my brother and his wife quitting their careers, moving halfway across the U.S., and taking up working at Starbucks over some mysterious illness to even listen to an explanation.

Ok I have got to be dreaming. I do a nose plug as I turn to look back at my mom and blow clean through. YES! As I take my hand from my nose, I feel something like a cat rubbing the back of my right leg. I look, but there is no cat. In fact my foot is wedged right in V's naked crotch! I look up at him and we are in some bathroom. Luckily, V is clothed in a very thick layer of soap bubbles. We share a moment of him squeezing my foot into his crotch with his thighs while flexing both arms, smiling at me. I shout, "WHOA! OK NOW! THIS IS TOO MUCH! I AM OUT OF HERE!" Being lucid I know I can just walk right out of this situation and not look back and that's exactly what I did.

As I enter the next room, I remember that I have been wanting to do some LD swordplay. The room is full of junk and I rummage around a bit, but my search is fruitless. I decide to blind summon a sword from around a large cardboard box, but only pull out a rubber bicycle grip. I decide to search the walls and something with a gold handle catches my eye; a sword. Nope, too swords. As I get close I notice they are way too tiny for me to have any fun. So, I decide to fake it. I take a sword, slap it on my left side, and draw it out with expectation of a full sized sword. Nope. It looks more like a letter opener than a sword. Out of ideas, I wonder into another room, but the dream quickly fades away.

#503 - DILD - Feb 10, 2017

I am in an ice cream shop that V and B opened together. I was surprised they quit working at my job and opened their own business together without telling me. I was hurt that V didn't even talk about because I thought we were better friends than that. Plus, how could B even go into business with V? I seemed like such and unlikely paring. I also felt a little jealous they broke away and got to open their own business. It's something I've really been wanting to do. I decide to put all these feeling aside and decide to just be happy and supportive for them.

The shop wasn't open yet but I began to envision what it would look like when the shop was actually open and suddenly everything transformed before my eyes. I notice a soda fountain and a coffee bar. I think this is a good idea. The decorations of the place look so nice and inviting. The lighting is just right and feels like home. I have some sense that what I am seeing wasn't real, but maybe a glimpse into the future. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder how I am seeing all of this so vividly, but I don't become lucid just yet.

Some really ugly rednecks come in get into an altercation with another guy. I call the police but we all decide it was just some misunderstanding. The police call me back to talk about but I forget the phone conversation when I see my sister at a booth with my dad. I want to avoid them and start to sneak out. I think about why I want avoid them and for some reason this makes me become lucid.

I decide that this might be a good time to confront some feelings so I go back and make my way to the table where they are sitting. I figure I'll at least see what they have to say. Suddenly, my way is blocked by a partition with a window. I see them eating ice cream but I can't get to them. There is a door to my right into a small hallway. As I enter the dream turns dark and I see strange glowing patterns in the void. I fight against it and continue to make my way forward expecting the dream to refocus.

It was me that lost focus and I lose the dream. I get a visual about our cat having multiple pupils in one eye. I thing about having so many cats that have died. I worry about our puddy cat. Wake up.

#502 - DILD? - between 4AM and 8AM

I woke up with a headache around 4 and take two Excedrin so I have have inadvertently use a lucid dreaming supplement due to the small amount of caffeine. Either way, I almost forgot this dream and the memory of it isn't as clear or as vivid and I would like from and LD. Still, I'm glad for it.

Something triggers lucidity My old friend caffeine?. I do a quick nose plug and remember my goal to climb buildings and clffsides like the two video games I have been playing occasionally these last few weeks. (Shadow of Mordor and Uncharted 4) I look around and see some ruins similar to SOM and I start climbing. I get to one ledge and want to try to leap to another. As I leap I feel like I am pressing L1 on the PS4 controller but I don't let it bother me. I pull myself up to the top and think I'd like it to be more medieval looking but it all turns really cartoony and looks more like a texture pack from Minecraft. I become really wide-eyed and try to take in all the visual details. I don't fuss with getting the looks down too much and continue to climb, loving the ease of it all. I reach the top and I am really high up now. I look over the edge (I don't recall what I saw there) and take a leap. I end up flapping around clumsily in the void for a moment and get fooled by FA. I remember thinking there was a gap in my lucidity so it felt like two lucid dreams, but I'm not sure that is true.

I don't want to add this to my count but its worth putting in my DJ. I woke up a lot this morning so I attempted to DEILD. I ended up having an In-dream-WILD attempt, but the dream version of my wife kept turning on lights and being noisy. At one point I do a nose plug but get fooled by a FA. We have two baby girls. One like a year or so old than the newborn. One I know is named Amelia and I chuckle that we have a cat by that name. The other I don't know and I feel horrible for not knowing my daughters name. I finally realize that this might be a dream, but for some reason I do another in-dream-WILD (escaping a nightmare?). I get some vibrations and spend some time in the void but my memory fades away here.

#501-DILD-4:00AM

Well this should make up a little for the last few LDs; really vivid and stable.

I am in some strange house back in town. I see my Father and and wife milling about. Then we are in a car looking at the house. Neighbor's are outside staring at us. I think how this is all wrong. We live out of town now. I hate this. Then we are back in the living room. I am still perplexed why I am living in town, but then it dawns on my that this has to be a dream.

I immediately remember the lucid task to put my head through the floor. I kneel down and take a moment to stabilize visually. I pay close attention to my hands and the carpet. The texture is very vivid and the color is something like faded dingy mauve. It looks like someone needs to vacuum or, perhaps, shampoo. I go ahead and start pushing my heading into the floor. It feels a little like jello then solid wall. I try several times and stop when I realize and I not thinking about it the right way. This is more like phasing. I think to reach through like its an open window. Suddenly, There is an electronic whoooomp sound and a space opens up for my head and I peak into the sub-flooring. Of course, it's pitch black so I snap my fingers and create a flash light with my index finger. ET phone home? I am a little shocked how well my dream control it. Darkness it always a struggle for me, but everything is now brightly lit.

There seems to be a space of a few feet deep in here and directly in front of me is a mirror. I look into it and see my face is just a skull is with frame around it. I giggle at the oddity and then look around some more. The area is dirty with a few pieces of scattered trash. I try to take mental note of each piece but quickly realize it's a waste of time.

I stand up and now my head is poking out the top of the roof. I go ahead and climb up and see one of the neighbors taking out the trash. I tell him he's not my real neighbor and that I don't live here. He asks why and I say that it's because I don't like him. Then for some reason, I jump down and hit him with both feet. As I do, he grows like Jake the Dog and pushes me back up on the roof. Everything is getting weird and I realize that I am loosing focus. I decide to go ahead and wake up so I don't lose lucidity and forget the dream.

#500 - DILD

I am going to a Halloween party but I have to go #2 really bad. Since we are not far from the house, I decide just to drop my wife and kids and go home to poop. I don't why.

I drive away and end up in a grocery store. I pass by M who I haven't seen or spoken to in ages. She looks amazing and her hair looks radiant. We say some greeting and I ask how she is doing and leave. I reminisce about the past for a moment as I sit on a toilet.

As usual, the whole experience of dream pooping gets messy and out of control. And, as usual, the I notice how open I was in the room with toilets, but no stall wall. Basically, it's a large room with toilets setting out in the open. Kelly from work walks in and makes some comment about me just shitting right in the open. I tell her I had no choice, it's how they made the place. Then I run out of toilet paper and start wiping with torn magazine.

Suddenly, I realize how dream like this all is and do a nose plug. I have to do several nose plugs, because I have a hard time believing its a dream. After a moment, accept this and move out the bathroom to explore some random hallways for a while.The dream fades and I wake up.

I really need to start looking at TOTM or have some written goals. I was hoping for a better dream for my 500th.

#499 - DILD

I forgot much of this dream but as some point I become aware that I am dreaming and take a car for a joyride. I got it going super fast and felt G-forces in my stomach as I hit hills. Like always I marvel how the mind can fill in physical effects straight from dream visual. The road fades and I wake up.

#498 - DEILD - TIME?

I have to be breif and It wasn't so awesome of an LD but I was happy hitting after being unfocused so much. All I was trying to do was work on recall but I end up doing a DEILD and imagining nose plugs until it really felt like I was pinching my nose. As soon as I get a solid dreamy nose plug I realize I am in the dream and I get brief vibrations. Expectation, I suppose. I stumble around my dark dream house for a bit. Some random things happen and I have an FA where I try to DJ. Then I wake up and try DEILD again but lose focus and never wake up until the alarm. I'm lucky I recalled this at all.

#496 and #497

I've had two really short LDs the past week. One was this morning. Both of them were "IN-DREAM-WILD" (IDWILD or just DILD?) with really loud screeching sucking sounds and feeling like my body wanted to suck me back in. In both dreams I stopped and relaxed and performed the WILD standing up. In both dreams I wander around the house I am in for a few seconds before waking up or having a false awakening. It's nothing really to write in much detail but I suppose I'll count them. I am not sure why I just seem to randomly do this. Maybe I need to focus more on doing actual WILD. Regardless, I really love those crazy and bizarre lucid dream entries. WILD man totally WILD!

#495 - DILD - 6:16AM

I'm keeping this brief. Again forgive typos.

There is a longer part of the dream that might be a bit too personal to share but at some point I step outside and suddenly become lucid for no apparent reason.

I am in a yard and it's a nice day. I try to think of goals and got it a bit wrong. I ask the dream what energy is and suddenly a strong wind starts up. I face the wind and look down a street that ends in a huge tree. I can't keep my eyes open very well because the wind is so strong so I turn around and lean back into is. I float up and fly like I am a kite. I see a huge tornado in a dersert sucking up sand in the distance. It a really cool sight, but I look at it with mild interest. Then I turn around and face the wind. Still messes with my eyes but I endure it and fly around a bit.

I get tired of that and find a place on the ground with a building to block the wind. Then I remember my actual goal. A long time ago I mostly failed at trying to create fire with my hands. I was caught up in the eye candy of it all and it didn't work well. This time I decided to make it more about invisible energy and the after effect. I see a trash can full of various items and spent a lot of time generating heat from my hands and melting things like empty egg cartons and soap bottles. Then I turn and put my hands on the wall of the build and make to two melted hand prints on the wall. Some it the melting looked really cool and some of the melting didn't last very long. Still it was cool experiment. Something I can work on later. I soon wake up after this.

#494 - DEILD(ish) - 4:50AM

I had some help from my little friend Galantamine this morning. I'm not spend a lot of time typing this dream or the next so please forgive the typos.

Dose: 3:30AM
8mg Galantamine
400mg DMAE

For some reason I'm leaving work early in the morning and I'm in the break room getting some coffee. The break room in really nice and has a lot of free food options almost like a continental breakfast kind of set up. I speak to my boss and tell her bye. Then for some reason I go back to a back room in the hot mold shop and take a nap.

I'm laying on a pile of work rags and am feeling like I am in a half dreamy state (irony). There is a TV on. While I watch it things get really psychedelic and I high. I remember I was trying to get lucid and I just relax into the sensations while enjoying all the trippy imagery.

After awhile I snap out of it and find myself in bed next to my wife. I get up for something and see the mattress is laying on the ground outside and the ground is wet and swampy. I see an hear my dog eating dry dog food as I go lay back down. I remember that I was trying to get lucid and I feel that I am really close. I decide I don't care about being wet, but my wife wakes up complaining about it we take our blankets inside a house. As we are walking I think, "This really is happening." But I wonder if I am really dreaming. There is a room with two couches and we decide to sleep there. Something feels off and I know that if I just stop and concentrate I will be in a lucid So, I stop and close my eyes and focus on my body.

I am laying down again and start getting vibrations. I focus on that for a moment then sit up quickly. There is a high pitched zooming sound and I fall out of bed. I get up and though I worry a bit about opening my physical eyes I go ahead and open them. The dream is not bright and clear.

I am in my old house that we just sold. There is sparse furniture and I forget that we already moved out. I say out loud, "Bye house. Bye." I hear my son say bye back to me from the other room. "No, Riley. You're coming with us." I laugh. I walk around the living room and see our cats running around. I scoop up Amelia and hold her close to me as I think of my dream goal. I can't recall, but I get a crazy idea to stretch the cat. I hold her up and pull. At first it feels too realistic and I hesitate. Then I just go for it and she stretches out like a noodle. She looks a little like Noby Noby Boy and It's weird so I set her down and then she has this ridiculous cartoon pouty face. I will her body to return to normal and laugh. I tell her I'll leave her alone now. I walk out the back through the kitchen noticing how vivid and detailed the dream is. Amelia follows but I ignore her now.

I pause at the back door and focus on what I expect to see. I want to avoid stepping into the void. The looks close to waking life but the sky is surreal. The sun is low behind a cloud and the sky is a deep purple color fading to black and bright stars. I pause and take in the view. For some reason looking up destabilized the dream and I wake up shortly after that.

#493 – DILD – 9:08AM

There is some preliminary dream about my wife looking very Asian. I am taken aback by this, but quickly have a false memory that this is how she is supposed to be. I have warm feelings of love and communicate this to her as I normally do in waking life.

Now it's a false awakening and I decide to just go ahead and sleep on the floor... or did I wake up there? I have the thought that the uncomfortable sleep should help me induce a lucid dream since I have been failing all morning. As I try to have a WILD, my wife starts talking and asking questions about what I am doing. Typical dream wife! I don't get too annoyed, but I do my best to ignore her. As I watch her groping hand over the edge the bed looking to make contact with me, I mumble something about trying to have a lucid dream.

Suddenly, I am overly worried about waking up on time for work. I know I must have set the alarm for 5am but I need to make sure. I get up and try to check the alarm clock on the dresser, but none of the buttons are working and the digits are distorted. There is a VCR next to the alarm clock that I take for granted, but the time is all zeros. Frustrated, I leave the bedroom looking for my cell phone, but quickly notice it's in my right pocket. I pull it out and hit the side button. The screen dimly lights up for just a second and then fades out. Then I finally get it! What if I am already in a dream? I do a quick half-assed nose plug and agree that this is indeed a lucid dream. At that point, the dream becomes dark and I nearly wake up, but I quickly stabilize by crawling and peering into the darkness – my usual bag of tricks. The dream quickly stabilizes and I stand back up.

I look around the dream environment and notice that I am in the first house I ever purchased back when I first started lucid dreaming. There is no irony here, just time distortion. Forgetting that, I become over-whelmed with euphoria that I am lucid dreaming and shout, “OH LUCID DREAMING! HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!” Then at a normal tone, “I did it. I really did it.” I notice a large, old-looking, child's book on the floor. I try to read it. I name off some random words that appear out of the alphabet soup swimming on the pages. I decide this random garbage isn't worth my time and throw the book away.

I decide to leave the house but find the back door is missing. I find this mildly curious, but I don't let it deter me as I swiftly move to the front. I pause at the other exit and think about the daylight and the grass I just saw outside the large pained window in the living room. I use expectation to enter that world and not the dark abyss that sometimes grips me when I transition areas. My efforts pan out, but I do notice the somber, overcast sky. The grass is looking really dry with a lot of brown patches.

I recall my dream goal to talk to an animal; I had a really funny dream about a talking rooster the night before and wanted to repeat some of that experience. This time a large white husky type dog comes running to me. He's so excited to see me. He dashes around me letting me pet him a little then runs circles around me. After a moment of play, I mentally tell him to talk and he quickly reminds me of the dog from the movie Up “OH my master. I am so happy to see you.” Something about this is disappointing and I decide to mimic the chicken from my other dream hoping to recapture the humor there. I say, “Cockadoodledoo maaannn.” Yes the chicken from my dream sounded like an old burned out hippie. The reply I get is total unexpected and that's what I love about my dreams. I hear an echoing answer from across the street, but it's no chicken that I can tell. How do chickens sound when they talk? Not like this, I suppose. Certainly not like the dream that had me laughing all day. No, the voice sounds like a little boy and I am curious to find it's owner. We play a quick game of Marco Polo, stoner rooster edition, and I am taken across a large yard to a barbed-wire fence. Because of the nature of dreams, I know this could turn into a tangled mess so I quickly decide to phase right through the wire. There is some fight, but I mange just fine. I sense the boy is calling to me from this old farm house that's now in my sights, but just before I reach it, the dream switches to black and I wake up. Damn the luck!

#492 - DILD - 8:41AM

I have a long dream segment of hovering above a crowd in some sort of elongated flying machine. There were seats dangling from under a helicopter / blimp sort of thing and we were all strapped in like the Batman ride. The pilot was in the front and maneuvered us over the crowd as they all watched in amazement. I notice I am in the back and there are about 6 women riding in a line in front of me. I wonder why I am the only man here. A few times we get too low and scrap the top of some black SUV.

Suddenly I am floating in someone's living room and totally lucid. I am not sure how this happened but here I am. I feel like I was lucid for the flying machine but wonder why I didn't take control. I understand that woman pilot had to go in the house to take care of something. I feel the need to wait on her and decide to play around with floating and flying through the house for a long while. The family seems to be appearing near me watching in different parts of the house. A little boy finally asks me how I am flying. I tell him that this is a dream and anything is possible in the dream state. He just stares at me like he really doesn't understand what I mean. I float into the other room. Now the woman pilot is my wife and I tell her to hurry up. I don't want to say anything about waking up, but I tell her I really want to conclude this dream. I hate not being able to finish a lucid dream. She tells me that she is trying but our son still needs to brush his teeth. I tell her this is a dream and just make it be done. Now they both come out and follow me one the way out of the house. I realize I am walking now. I don't like the feel of it and tell the boy, who is still staring at me, that I am walking and I'll have to fix that. I have some trouble getting in the air but when I do I kick off the wall and do a backflip. The action destabilizes the dream state and I wake up.

I intended to take Galantamine last night but, remembered that I didn't need it. However, I think my recall would have been much better if I had.

#491 - DEILD - 2:44AM

I partially wake up and focus on relaxation. I immediately get vibrations and quickly get up. It's dark and I and I end up in some trippy body sensation where I am twisting around all weird. I have a moment of thinking I am moving my physical body and open my eyes. For a moment I think maybe my physical eyes are open but I trust my instincts just go with it. I can see now and I go out side and fly around a bit.

I have a huge memory gap or maybe I lost lucidity but when I come back to myself I am floating around town with a woman that resembles my wife. There is a closeness that feels like a part of myself. I say I wonder what aspect of myself you are. The woman giggles. We hug as we float around a food court. I grab her tit and she pushes my hand away. I have an understanding that she is resting because I don't want this type of lucid dream. I nod and verbalize this to her.

Suddenly we are having ice cream. I take a bite and then decide to leave. A disfigured and mentally ill kid runs after us from behind the counter. I suppose he expects us to pay. We fly out of the food court and effortlessly phase out a window. I look back at the kid running after us. I wake up.

#492 - DILD

I am shooting some type of full automatic rifle in a shooting range in a cave. Says "Carbide" on the rifle. At some point I recognize I am dreaming but I continue shooting. I don't worry about reloading properly. I just dump some bullets in. I notice the bullets are made of stone. I continue to shoot noticing how dull the shots are in dreams. I know I can shoot as much and as fast as I want. I carved designs in the wooden targets. I smile and just enjoy that I am having a lucid dream.

A NLD about making copied from objects in a mirror. Some how I put something in front of the mirror and turn around to find a duplicate. I ended up doing this to myself but somehow copied bunch of other people. I some how got the duplicates to go back to where ever they came from but I kept the copy of myself. I wondered if having sex with myself would be gay or just masturbation. I try to talk about this to my copy could read my mind. We left the question open and unanswered.

#490

Im at some church service with my mom. They talk about some lady keeping her baby after being raped and that baby having 33 kids. Justin says doesn't that hurt? I say, "Nah after awhile they just fall out in a conga line." We laugh, but notice she's right behind me. I'm not totally sure it's her but Im scared to look. I tell Justin look because I can't tell.

We are on a bus now. The lady is question is talking in British accent about her recent child birthing. I realize it is her and hope she didn't hear me make fun of her.

The bus stops. My son, Riley and younger daughter, Dalynn, get off. I'm overly aware od Riley's glowing red shirt. They walk past my window alone. I panic and start knocking on glass the glass to get them to loo at me. I yell, "They got off!" Dalynn phased through the bus and takes a sear, but the bus driver leaves Riley. He's too young. My mom is the bus driver. I scream, "You're leaving Riley!"
She calmly says" Well, he'll have to find his way back."
I say, "You're not leaving him. If this was real life you wouldn't." I look at my older daugher, "Hey! "Is this real life?" She just looks at me curious. I go ahead and do a nose plug just in case

Lucid now, I move to front of bus. I say to my mom "He's back right there now. No worries...boom." I point and turn expecting to see him. There he is. "Look mom, there he is. I look at mom and look back. He's not there for a second but I refuse to believe it. I look harder and a different child morphing into his likeness. I see he's wearing the same red shirt and leave it at that. I don't get caught up on the details. I'm just really determinded to not leave my child alone at a bus stop dream or no dream. I wake up.