PMS - An Excuse?

**Raspberry** · 01-29-2011 09:13 PM

Ok, for those who are currently cringing at this topic, I'm sorry but it's a part of life and I want to discuss it.

Now

Something that has been in the back of my mind recently, is why so many women (or teenagers) use the "it's my time of the month" excuse, to act like bitches.

The reason I wondered this, is because a close friend of mine has been using this for about 3 (almost 4) years now. Whenever she has her period, she suddenly feels as though she can make smart-ass comments and then put on the innocent eyes and say "but I'm on my period and I feel emotional."

A few years ago when I brought this up she would bellow "You don't know what it's like!" So I would drop it.

But obviously I'm older now and although it took me a little longer than her, I have experienced this for myself. So when the other day, she used The Excuse, I once again mentioned it, and the two of us (and another friend who was with us) started a discussion about it.

My friend (lets call her... Jane?) said that she gets more emotional and irritable during her period, and that is why she gets how she is, and she pointed out many other girls are like this too.

My other friend was neutral.

Another thing that happened, is that my R.M.P.S class is currently discussing gender roles/differences. Last week, of course many of the girls brought up periods with the boys, stating how they were so goddamn lucky to not get them and how sometimes they "wish they were boys" so that they didn't have to have them. I found this pretty laughable actually. Then they moaned on and on and on. They exaggerated it so much that they made it sound like for a week the devil would come and torture them with burning knives or something.

But the point I'd like to point out is, having experienced this, do so many women (because I know "Jane" isn't the only one to say this, I've heard many other people use it too) get so emotionally unstable during their time that they cannot control their actions? Do so many find they can't exercise because their cramps are so bad?

Yes it's uncomfortable. Yes, your emotions are a little stronger and you can get pissed off easier. But that does not mean that you can act like a bitch to people and make it sound as if you're about to die from pain and discomfort and that is why you are being mean, annoying or trying to cast the sympathy vote by acting like you're on your death bed for a week.

Do/did people regularly use this as an excuse to you? Give me your views, I find this interesting

**Maria92** · 01-29-2011 10:56 PM

My sister gets back cramps, and is more prone to crying at really sad shows, but that's about it. Other than that, she's almost always her happy, bouncy self. My mom handles it very well (or at least seems to), too. I'm a dude, so I can't speak from experience, but I'm glad I don't have to go through it. But does it automatically entitle someone to act like a flaming bitch? I don't think so. Of course, I'm not going to say that to anyone who's on their period. >.>

I could launch off on a tangent about entitlement, but I think I'll refrain.

**Alric** · 01-29-2011 11:14 PM

I would never accept that as an excuse for someone being mean. Sure being cranky, complaining a lot, and feeling bad are all perfectly understandable. However being a total jerk isn't. Everyone gets angry some times, but we are all expected to control our actions.

I have never had anyone use that as an excuse on me though, and I haven't known any girls in my life who acted in that way.

**Schlachtfeld** · 01-29-2011 11:35 PM

I get really bad lower back pain. It's more of a burning sensation but it hurts to move around too much. I don't get cramps often but when I do, I can't stand up straight. (yes, it can get that bad

) The physical pain does interfere a lot but with Aleve daily, it can be dulled somewhat.

Emotionally, i don't get sad or cry for no reason. I do get irritable, though. I can usually control it by avoiding people but I really do snap without thinking about it. That part is genuinely hard to control because at the time it doesn't sound mean to me. Then a few minutes later I'm like "Crap, they didn't deserve that..."
During this time, and especially when the back aches start up, it's difficult to not bite peoples heads off sometimes XD but like I said, avoiding conversation helps. (and when I do realize I stepped out of line, I'll always apologize and say I'm having a bad day. They usually forgive me.)

I don't think it gives girls an excuse to act like bitches. Yes, the irritability can be hard to control but a lot of girls don't try to control it because they feel they're justified. There's a fine line between being emotional due to hormones and acting like the world should conform around you because you ARE a bit emotional.

**Raspberry** · 01-29-2011 11:48 PM

Yes it's mostly my lower back too. I also lose my appetite and feel quite sick. But my emotions don't go crazy like some people make them out to be. But most people seem insincere when they apologise, which makes me wonder. I have never ever used that excuse. Or if I feel I might snap at someone, I'll turn to the people I'm with in advance and say something like "I feel a bit wierd today, so if I say something to upset you I don't really mean it and you shouldn't take it personally."

I find that if I drink loads of water though, it can relieve the pain. And there are pain killers, and hot water bottles. I agree with your point that some girls just make no effort to control it. It may be harder for others, but it can be done. It doesn't take super-human effort, just people need to think more about what they're saying.

And guys, if a girl takes advantage of your inexperience to take the piss and expects to get away with it, just imagine yourself with sore muscles after exercising, maybe a little grumpy from lack of sleep and you'll know kind of how she feels and can judge if she's being a bitch or not

**Schlachtfeld** · 01-30-2011 12:02 AM

It does bother me when a guy tells a girl to get over it. It's not that easy and that's like telling someone who broke their leg to get a heavy book off of a top shelf themself. It's a bit insensitive. When it comes down to it, guys don't know what it's like, but I absolutely adore the ones who are understanding about it. And the physical stuff can be compared to extensive exercise and stomach pain from a spoiled meal. It varies, but annoying and painful nonetheless. (not to mention the mess. Sorry, guys XD but I had to mention it)

I guess the entire situation requires some understanding from both parties.

**juroara** · 01-30-2011 12:04 AM

You mean like right now? I'm dizzy, fatigued and the only thing I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep. My heart races just walking to the kitchen and grabbing a drink. You know how much energy it takes to be pissed and raise your voice? Don't got it. Not worth it. I'd rather stare at a wall. Ive been sleeping already so im gonna do the next best thing and watch more jack sparrow.

**nina** · 01-30-2011 12:09 AM

Interesting thread Raspberry.

But who's the real bitch here? The woman who experiences really awful pms once a month (keep in mind, some women experience it much worse than other women)...or the woman sitting around bitching about how her friend gets as a result of her really bad pms...apparently oblivious to the fact that she should just be thankful that she has the good fortune not to get such terrible pms.

**Raspberry** · 01-30-2011 12:31 AM

Originally Posted by Aquanina

Interesting thread Raspberry.

But who's the real bitch here? The woman who experiences really awful pms once a month (keep in mind, some women experience it much worse than other women)...or the woman sitting around bitching about how her friend gets as a result of her really bad pms...apparently oblivious to the fact that she should just be thankful that she has the good fortune not to get such terrible pms.

I know that some experience it worse than others. I am not "oblivious" to that. But I also know a woman who get extremely heavy ones that had to go onto medication for it, and before and after the medication, never treated me the way she and some (emphasis on some) other girls do. And I see them act that way to other people, not just myself. Plenty of girls, who by what I'm guessing, all have varying levels of pms, feel like they can make comments and others feel down because their emotions are not their usual. There is such a thing as thinking before you speak, and morals. I do not forget what is nice and what is mean simply because I feel more emotionally strained.

I also know girls with heavy flows who have never said a bad word to anyone during their period. So it is possible to control what you say and do. I simply used that particular friend as an example.

This is supposed to be a discussion and how people act when experiencing pms in general, along with is it accepted that they can blame it on pms when they take things too far. This thread is not about my friend.

**Alric** · 01-30-2011 02:07 AM

Well lets look at it from a different point of view. Is it okay to curse and yell at someone suffering from horrible PMS? Because if you just let yourself go and are a total jerk to everyone, eventually you are going to be mean to someone suffering just as bad as you are. I am pretty sure if you ask them they wouldn't enjoy people picking on them while they are suffering from it, so why would they do it to others?

**Black_Eagle** · 01-30-2011 03:08 AM

Question: Do you friends continue to act badly after they have pointed out that they're on PMS? It would seem to me that after reminding themselves that they are on their periods and not in their regular emotional states, they would be able to exert more control over themselves if they so wished.

Let's butcher this.

The argument from the hyper PMS view would be that, because PMS is making them emotional, they can act badly to other people. To use the emotions caused by PMS as an excuse to act badly is to ask others to excuse your lack of control over your emotion-induced actions. The logic is that you are not responsible for your behavior because it is caused by emotions which are caused by an uncontrollable source. Let's take a look at the other person's point of view. The fact that you are PMSing is outside of the control of people around you. It is making them angry which is causing them to behave badly. By the hyper PMS logic, the people around you are therefore not responsible for their actions because they are caused by anger which is caused by an uncontrollable source. So the hyper PMS view is asking others to have control over themselves while not having control oneself. It's hypocritical.

Q.E.D.

If you act pissy to others, others have a right to act pissy to you. You get what you give. To those girls who would say, "You don't know what it's like to have hyper PMS," I would respond, "You don't know what it's like to deal with you when you have hyper PMS."

**Schlachtfeld** · 01-30-2011 04:31 AM

Though sometimes its extremely difficult to control said emotions. Abandoning or ignoring a friend because she's on her period is a bit harsh in my opinion. However hard she may be to deal with, she doesn't like the biological clock any more than the people around her do.

Whether she can control her emotions or not is different for every female and sometimes its not her fault. It varies from person to person; sometimes I really can't control my comments, but I always apologize later.

**Drokens** · 01-30-2011 10:47 PM

I'm a guy so I almost feel as if I can't be too judgmental about this. I would respect somebody who is able to remain friendly throughout their physical pain more though.

**Zhaylin** · 01-31-2011 10:59 PM

I get EXTREMELY horny about 2 weeks before my period. At around that time, I also get irritated more often and prefer to be by myself.
Years ago, the first day of my period would be pure hell. I couldn't move. It felt like someone kicked me in the crotch a few hundred times. My back killed me. Month after month after month, it got no better. One day, it was MUCH worse so my hubby (a DR.) ordered an MRI for me. It was fine.
Later on I was placed on Prozac for anxiety and I noticed the most amazing thing: NO pain. ZERO. I've since been on Lexapro and now I'm on Celexia and it all works just as well. I don't understand the mechanics of WHY it works, but I am so thankful it does.
The problems originally happened when I was about 27 (?)-30. I'm 36 now.
I still get grumbly but I remind myself WHY I'm grumbly and I can easily hold my tongue.

I write the whole PMS/bitchiness excuse off to emotional maturity. I view "drunks" the same way. Some people just need an excuse to act like a jerk ["slut", clown whatever] because they feel unable to properly express themselves any other time.

**EDIT**
... which made me think of sugar and children and finally, ones environment. I have always fed my kids occasional junk and sweets. It has NEVER made them hyper. When with other relatives or friends, though, they ACT hyper. I've always told them, if eating sugar is going to make them act like wild animals, I wont give it to them anymore. Such behavior was simply not tolerated by me.
SO... does sugar REALLY make kids hyper but they contained themselves at home? Or were they just acting like fools because it was expected?
I have 2 daughters and they've never used the PMS card. If they start getting bitchy, I point it out and tell them if they can't control themselves they need to go to their room and chill.

Just some extra thoughts

**Raspberry** · 02-01-2011 07:58 PM

I agree. My lower back gets incredibly sore, and I almost completely lose my appetite from nausea. Around this time my dad starts asking if I'm pregnant, which I look horrified at and shout "No Dad! Just... Just... That time y'know..?" and everything's totally awkward

But I find that once I take some painkillers, it's tolerable. And as you said, I remember why I'm so emotional (it tends to play on my emotions more) and that gets me under control.

As for the acting thing, I believe that once people get something into their heads, they act differently. I used to worry that I wasn't getting enough sleep. What it really was, was that I was counting the hours of sleep each night, believing I was getting too little, and then I believed I should be tired, so I felt tired. Once I started covering my clock, I didn't know how many hours I was getting, and felt a hell of a lot better.

And I'm actually a rather helpful drunk haha, I'm the one who fetches the water and holds peoples hair back when they're being sick. The one who sobers up the fastest and throws everyone onto the sofa to sleep things off. I try not to let my enviroment influence me.

**Oneironaut Zero** · 02-01-2011 08:54 PM

I try not to be too judgmental, myself (because, in the end, I'm a guy and really don't know what it's like). However, I tend to notice that most of the girls I know who go into SuperBitch mode, on their period, are usually somewhat aggressive and/or bitchy, in the first place. Coincidence? I don't know. Makes one wonder, though.

**Puffin** · 02-01-2011 09:16 PM

I hate to admit this, but sometimes I use that excuse when I'm feeling rather bitchy. But I don't do it that often, maybe once every few months. People around me use it all the time though! Dx

**Yungen** · 02-01-2011 09:32 PM

I tend to be quite a bit more irritable when on, but I have NEVER used the excuse (out loud. I do use it in my head)
However, I DO get horrible aches that come on in 3 minutes or less and don't go away until I can lay down and sleep for an hour, difficult at school, but I'm lucky in the sense that I usually only get it one day per period. Unluckily though, it spreads to my upper legs and back and I can't sit still, nor move. Only lie.

I personally have never heard any of the girls at my school complain from PMS. I think it's too embarrassing in a mixed school to be yelling out "I'M ON MY PERIOD" as for worry of ridicule, so it hasn't really been used that much.

**Tara** · 02-01-2011 09:36 PM

I feel that younger girls in general are already very dramatic (though I'm not sure what grade you're in), then they exaggerate the hell out of their period and it becomes 'The Excuse' when they start releasing all of their bottled up teen-girl drama rage because they can't exercise self-control. Like O said, someone who's super bitchy during that time of month is probably already bitchy or prone to being bitchy every other day of the year.

Personally, it's incredibly rare for me to go through any PMS-like symptoms. Every three months or so, I get horrible cramps but otherwise I'm totally fine and adjust my diet to dull the pain. Just based on some other factors and family genes, I doubt I'm pumping with estrogen and probably have more testosterone than the average lady, so I'm sure that somehow attributes to my mild time of month.

What I really hate is when guys assume a gal with a valid argument or legitimate reason to be angry is just upset because she must be PMSing or "on the rag".

**Raspberry** · 02-01-2011 10:48 PM

Yes, I think people do exaggerate it, especially teenagers. I think I'm in 10th grade? I'm not sure, we don't use that system in scotland.

And I don't know what it is about my school, but we have some super bitchy/skanky girls here who really couldn't care less about shouting about their period in front of boys. I really prefer to keep it to myself, but hey, everybody's different.

What I find really funny though, is when a guy forgets about it and searches through a girls bag for a pencil or something, and finds some pads or tampons

A friend done that, and the next time I said "look for it in my bag" he got all flustered and was just like "yeah... um... you can do it." Ahhh... the fear of the unknown!

**Schlachtfeld** · 02-01-2011 10:52 PM

From personal experience, i do notice younger girls tend to use it as an excuse (remember this information is gathered from the people around me) but it's common from what I've seen. They get really mouthy in my school, yelling things like "So what?! I'm on my PERIOD!!!"

THAT bothers me. But yeah, that's just from younger girls that I've seen.

But I hate it when guys assume girls are on their period, too. They tend to use it as an excuse to ignore or mouth off to girls around them. (again, only from what I've seen.)
So, I suppose The Excuse is used by both genders, heh.

**Raspberry** · 02-01-2011 10:55 PM

Yeah, I hate it when you're telling a guy off for something, bringing up something and they turn to their mate and kind of mutter "someone's on her period!"

I just feel like slapping them. Most of the guys I know take it really well and can even have discussions over it, but the ones who are dicks about it just aren't worth my attentions. They're mostly the ones that you can see to grow up and fail at life.

**mcwillis** · 02-01-2011 11:31 PM

One of my first questions to a new girlfriend is when her time of the month is. Forearmed is forewarned. Has saved a lot of unneccessary fights.

**DeeryTheDeer** · 02-02-2011 05:29 AM

The only thing bad about my periods usually is like the day or so before it hits- I spike in emotion and irritability. I'm enraged and upset much more than usual, and the next day I start my period and I'm like "Ohhh, that's all it was. Okay". From then on, I get on with my life and there's nothing uncomfortable about it. And it's not even like the day before is the end of the world.

However, when I was a younger teenager, I had HORRIBLE cramps. Once I had to be sent home from school because of it, and then laid on the couch where the pain was so much I was crying. But that doesn't compare to one time when I refused to take pain pills out of pride, like "It's unnatural, I'll get over it"... bad mistake. I focused on the pain, took some sugary cranberry juice that I thought would help, but I think only made it worse. I ended up hyperventilating on the couch, not only with cramps, but with sugary, vibrating jitters throughout my body, probably from anxiety. My family tells me my face was pure white, and my mom gave me Motrin and held my hand until it finally subsided. Worst menstrual experience EVER.

But now that I'm older, I don't really have cramps anymore. It just comes and goes. I certainly don't regret being a girl because of it.

**Raspberry** · 02-02-2011 08:28 PM

No way, I love being a girl! But at first that was what I was like, I was on the whole "it's unnatural" thing too but shut up after the cramps started and started taking pain killers. I still don't like it, but it helps a lot.