Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Dakotah Feel better soon. I hope your mom eventually picked you up.

Mark.

Aly and Canis and OP (I think lol)

I've never been to a real trial, Aly. That sounds really neat Glad it ended as well as it did!!!

My day is full of rants.
The sinks never drained. And then, last night, the rest of the pipes froze. We don't get a single drip of water anywhere. Which means, no traditional flushing of the toilet (Pour water in the tank), no shower, no laundry, limited cooking.
And then, I was on a Guild run on WoW last night and didn't notice when the blanket I covered with fell behind the fan of my space heater- and it died.

Anti-rant:
But the space heaters death was only temporary. It took about 20 minutes for it to work again, but by that time I had worried sick about the bird freezing to death so I had sent hubby an email asking for money to buy a new heater.
He left me $100., so I got a new space heater for my room and a teesy heater to put under the kitchen sink. Then I went to the Dollar Tree and bought a gallon of water for cooking and some individuals for drinking
I also got my Nutty bars for the week, 2 slim jims, a fountain drink and a pack of smokes.
I also saw my p-doc. He was running 30 minutes late and his office was freezing, but the session was as good as ever.

Hubby wants his receipts, but he shouldn't mind about the extra purchases (minus the smokes, but I don't have a receipt for those ), and HOPEFULLY, he'll let me keep the remaining $23. But I'm not counting on it lol.
I'm not sure how I feel about this new heater. I may exchange it for something different.

So, my rants turned into anti-rants (for the most part), so life is good
Thawing pipes with miraculously NO leaks would make life Great lol

Great, and now I got all these people offering sympathy!

My only rant: I want to whack Obama upside the head for all these gun issues. I'm absolutely livid, and I don't get angry easily.

Complaint: My allergies are STILL bugging me. And I randomly threw up the other day for no reason, and thought I was going to this morning. WTH is going on, I don't feel sick at all. (And I'm NOT preggers.)

Now for good things!

I met with my prof today about research, and I'm going to sit in on a lab test on Friday. She said if I like it, I could work on running programs and hooking up the EEG cap and electrodes and stuff, since that doesn't require research methods So I'm super excited!

I also went and played around in the natural area by our apartment after I got home. I was exploring and saw a herd of ten deer, which I watched for a while It was cool seeing them walk around and run and leap over stuff. I got the urge to run, so I did. It was amazing, ducking under branches and jumping over logs and balancing for a split second on wobbly rocks. It's absolutely fascinating how much I missed something I've never really had. I've even dreamed about doing stuff like that before. I plan on going out there more often, and I want to get in shape. Running like that is exhilarating.

Aly: Glad you won your case My abnormal psych prof testifies in cases like that, determining whether or not the person suing is really hurt that badly or just faking it. Those people sounded like assholes, and I'd laugh so hard if I was there and they could have gotten 5k more Go you!

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

My only rant: I want to whack Obama upside the head for all these gun issues. I'm absolutely livid, and I don't get angry easily.

You know, I was all for gun control until yesterday. I mean it's obviously worked everywhere else.
Thing is, with all the guns around in America, there's no way to get rid of them.
And if you look at this graph
hmmm.jpg

You will see what the real problem is.
Hmmmm..... what happened to cause those peaks I wonder?
For the slow, it's the drug war and alcohol prohibition

I have no doubt that they know this. But they want to keep their private prison labour camps going, it's the most profitable business they have
and if they legalised drugs, they'd lose 90% of it.

Gang violence causes the massive spikes. And by gangs I mean opportunistic people who see a demand and try to fill it.
But their trade is illegal, so they can't take disputes to court, they have to kill people.

End the drug war and gun violence/violence in general will go back to around the same level as any other country.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Dakotah Feel better soon. I hope your mom eventually picked you up.

Yes she did, at about 11:30. So I didnt have to wait too long I guess.

I have an EEG scheduled the 30th and im a little nervous. Not for the procedure itself. Just what the results might be.

I am sick of my second hour class. Its debate, so guess what the main conversation is? You guessed it. Gun control. I am on the internet all day everyday. So I have gotten enough already. I dont need it in the real world also. My mom actually grounded me last week because I didnt agree with her on the subject. Oh the joy of the first amendment.

And FUCK, i just nailed my knee into the stairs. :'(

Edit: Woah! After posting this I looked through the stories on this page and see that you guys were already talking about EEG's and the gun control issue. How weird?!

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

Wow Aly that is an amazing story. So glad that those idiots didn't get the 6000$ I was actually luaghing at how they must have felt
Congrats on the win.

Yeah, I'm sure they weren't very happy last night! And thanks.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Aly and Canis and OP (I think lol)

I've never been to a real trial, Aly. That sounds really neat Glad it ended as well as it did!!!

Thanks! It was kind of cool looking back. Of course I wouldn't recommend it, but I don't mind having it on my list of experiences lol.

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

I met with my prof today about research, and I'm going to sit in on a lab test on Friday. She said if I like it, I could work on running programs and hooking up the EEG cap and electrodes and stuff, since that doesn't require research methods So I'm super excited!

I also went and played around in the natural area by our apartment after I got home. I was exploring and saw a herd of ten deer, which I watched for a while It was cool seeing them walk around and run and leap over stuff. I got the urge to run, so I did. It was amazing, ducking under branches and jumping over logs and balancing for a split second on wobbly rocks. It's absolutely fascinating how much I missed something I've never really had. I've even dreamed about doing stuff like that before. I plan on going out there more often, and I want to get in shape. Running like that is exhilarating.

Aly: Glad you won your case My abnormal psych prof testifies in cases like that, determining whether or not the person suing is really hurt that badly or just faking it. Those people sounded like assholes, and I'd laugh so hard if I was there and they could have gotten 5k more Go you!

That kicks ass about the lab test. Lucky! That sounds really nice, too. I went on nature walks for the first time in ages the last couple of days. It really is great to get outside when you can, particularly in this weather.

And thanks! it would've been cool to have someone like that there too but I don't think it was even needed. The whole thing was almost comical. That'll teach 'em not to mess with us next time!

-----

I'm starting to have reason to suspect that the sensation of having a veil removed from reality and being able to see the world for what it really is that is normally associated with psychedelics is actually what happens when you take the part of the brain that creates the feeling of clarity you experience when becoming lucid from a non-lucid dream and force it to become active in the same way while you're interacting with waking reality. Accordingly, the feeling of enlightenment from a psychedelic experience would reflect that "aha" moment that comes with achieving lucidity. And just speaking from personal experience, they do feel similar to me, particularly the type of euphoria involved, which makes sense with the part of the brain I'm concerned with here.... It's actually not uncommon for people to think that they're in dreams when they're on psychedelics, too, which I think helps my theory along. In fact, once while trip sitting a friend on mushrooms he turned to me in the middle of a very heavy delirium and said "I just realized it, I'm in a lucid dream aren't I?" (By the way, this is one of the most disconcerting things you can ever hear someone seriously ask you, particularly after you've seen all the other shit they've done up to that point in the trip.) I'm wondering too if it actually follows the exact same paths downstream as what leads to feelings of merging with a divine consciousness, because it could make sense that taking that feeling of increased knowledge to its logical extreme would create the sensation of having that infinite awareness. And I know there are plenty of reports of those experiences happening during dreams, and I remember someone, I believe it was the guy who made those YouTube videos about the five layers of lucidity, talking about it happening to him in one of his most powerful lucids. I also have to wonder how this all would factor into spiritual experiences outside of hallucinogen use....

You may have noticed I'm still here, though I did disappear for a few days a couple times. In that time I realized that getting myself to go out and do something was easier than I thought it would be, so I decided to just try using my computer less for now but not cutting it out completely. So I'll probably still be on now and then, just for the record!

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Accordingly, the feeling of enlightenment from a psychedelic experience would reflect that "aha" moment that comes with achieving lucidity. And just speaking from personal experience, they do feel similar to me, particularly the type of euphoria involved, which makes sense with the part of the brain I'm concerned with here....

Your Definitely right that it is the same type of feeling in both situations,

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

I also went and played around in the natural area by our apartment after I got home. I was exploring and saw a herd of ten deer, which I watched for a while It was cool seeing them walk around and run and leap over stuff. I got the urge to run, so I did. It was amazing, ducking under branches and jumping over logs and balancing for a split second on wobbly rocks. It's absolutely fascinating how much I missed something I've never really had. I've even dreamed about doing stuff like that before. I plan on going out there more often, and I want to get in shape. Running like that is exhilarating.

Now this makes me happy. I love that you found this spot and got to have such an awesome experience. Moments like that are truly wonderful.

I find that just running free the way that you did feels almost feels like an act of rebellion. Sort of like the world is saying, "Hey! You can't just... run around like a kid or some kind of cave-person! You're supposed to be sitting under artificial light, stressing out about things you can't control, and obsessing about celebrity news!"

It's such a privilege to be strong enough and able enough to move, run, and leap like that. It's an easy thing to take for granted, but it's sobering to think that one day that window of opportunity closes for everybody. I'm glad you're out there playing! Such a great way to live.

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

Your Definitely right that it is the same type of feeling in both situations,

Right! Most psychedelics are known to be nootropics in less-than-heavy doses, too. It goes well with the whole clearing up of clutter in the mind aspect of lucidity.

This whole thing is making me crave acid like crazy.

It's making me crave a lucid like crazy. Watching Inception worked the first couple of times, now it's not! ARGH

Speaking of which, I need to reset my LD's this year to zero....
Just doing that, I realised I only had 4 all of last year /: ((((((((

Get back into it then! It's never too late to keep trying to get lucid. Have you been practicing any methods at all lately?

It's amazing how people in general define what's presumed to be scatterbrained and what's "rational" or collected "properly" in terms of syntax of anything in forms communication. Especially with things like double spaced essays, I always presumed that format alone was just fitted to make it easier on the eyes, but I can never understand that when a person just reads something beyond that, it's scattered brained. Whether it's a subconscious thing, or unconscious reflex, it doesn't really seem to have substantial claim that this is apparent for most people.

It seems like a major flaw in thought processing in the person attempting to receive the information, or maybe it's just me. It's probably just me, but I doubt I would be the only person in the world with a presumed mindset that spacing things out would actually make things easier on a person's eyes, but not really for their mind? I just don't understand how people can comprehend things that are cluttered and packed together without having the possibility of accidentally backtracking their eyes, which would make more of an inconvenience in terms of reading and analyzing the information shown to them.

Another thing that continues to amaze me is that with the totality of possible perceptions to view this reality, with the totality of all mindsets to view this reality, the ideologies, the convictions, the so called "delusions" that are simple labels for "I don't understand this concept as something practical for the reality I engage in, so I'll just be an asshole and say their ideas are shit." I really think it's solely for that purpose. It's clearly obvious that with the preconceptions you have that's sustained by the schemata of life that deeper levels of your mind and psyche has formatted based on your experiences with others, the environment, and more, how can a person really claim that their reality is really the only practical reality? How can a person actually become so dumbfounded in accepting this certain mechanic of a phenomena, a prime example being Lucid Dreaming, and completely disregard anything they think is "absurd"? It seems kind of ironic that with the first level of awareness of being informed of Lucid Dreaming, a person would have a misconception (in terms of just realizing for the first time there's a label for being aware of your dreams) that Lucid Dreaming itself would be insane and scary the first time.

Then when they realize it's something natural that occurs at night, they'll have their own formatting of what's practical now, but then they'll start getting ideas that might dissociate themselves from the reality they were so used to before they understood the concept of Lucid Dreaming. In fact, it amazes me how people are just willing to just stick with this conception of Lucid Dreaming being within the confines of your mind, and even with things Beyond Dreaming, they would still presume it's within the confines of your mind. Simply because they're so fascinated that their subconscious can give them a reality to near perfection or absolute perfection that makes a convincing label to them that, "Oh, my mind is so powerful, so any kind of absurd thinking like "Astral Projection," "Shared Dreaming," and anything absurd in my absurd list is just absurd." And then there's the burden of truth debate that people just love going about doing all the time. They can easily place the burden of truth on the person who would be open-minded to a certain concept, but never really acknowledge how that whatever theory they're holding on to like a fucking crack baby is simply just an educated guess sustained through practical evidence....whether it's quantitative or qualitative...they never really acknowledge it's technically just a guess. This means that it's based on what a collection of people presume to be "practical," which itself is flawed based on observation alone.

But people are willing to be so emotionally glued to that theory that they use to falsify anything that's absurd.....do they even realize that the same theory that was formulated took various people who would be considered "batshit crazy" back then? Whether it's Darwin's limited perception on how his observations in terms of natural selection was created, or even someone asking how effective a lucid dreaming technique is....do people realize that by saying certain things are absurd, and yet claim to be scientific, if a person has something they believe that the other person reject....and that same person doesn't preach something to be true, they still imply that it's being preached either way? I guess people don't really understand what's open-minded anymore. It's more of a tolerance rather than trying to be subjective, either it's fear of losing the foundations that makes them grounded in this reality, or simply not realizing that if one really wants to claim something is stupid, absurd, or that a person is just going in complete mental dissonance is just that person's way of copping out of attempting to understand why that individual would engage in exploring a certain belief that is just not sustained with "adequate evidence?" People should just completely disregard thinking they're scientific if they can't even just say, "Hey, I understand that you have your reasons for believing something I am not able to understand, and because I have a limited time in this reality to explore why you prefer or are interested in this concept, I will just have to let things be the way they are, and just explore many things, but not everything." But nope, it's just, "You're crazy, you're stupid, you're incompetent.......but I'll just disregard that by me saying that to you as an insult only makes myself just as or more delusional than you are because I'm completely blocking off that my perception of this reality isn't really that absolute, and I am not capable of having all the answers to disprove your belief.....but I'll just presume that I can do that and just make myself look like a twat face while I gather other people who agree with me and go "YEAH! I'm RIGHT, and you're NOT!" Even though I know I'm full of shit saying that to you, who cares, my arrogance in sticking with educated guesses, and your endeavor of finding more educated guesses are absurd! I mean, come on, who relies on educated guesses these days? Oh wait, that's me, but my incompetence in realizing that sustains my ignorance either way, and you're still wrong!"

Ah, amazing how we're all so full of shit, but when we do try to be open-minded, it's just impossible now with how people forget the obvious.

I guess when one thing is less crazy, the more crazy aspect has to shift somewhere else. It's just pushing the more crazy aspect and never pulling back. Oh whatever, this was a nice pre-meal before sleeping.

Good night.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Right! Most psychedelics are known to be nootropics in less-than-heavy doses, too. It goes well with the whole clearing up of clutter in the mind aspect of lucidity.

This whole thing is making me crave acid like crazy.

...so do some acid

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Get back into it then! It's never too late to keep trying to get lucid. Have you been practicing any methods at all lately?

Agh, I'm trying, just so.... I dunno.... sucks when you can't LD at will.
The only methods I use are WBTB-WILD's and RC's during the day.
I'm no where near consistent though.
For the past couple of years I've basically just been practicing on and off every few months.

I just bought some lollies so I can eat one when I do an RC. Should help

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

It's amazing how people in general define what's presumed to be scatterbrained and what's "rational" or collected "properly" in terms of syntax of anything in forms communication. Especially with things like double spaced essays, I always presumed that format alone was just fitted to make it easier on the eyes, but I can never understand that when a person just reads something beyond that, it's scattered brained. Whether it's a subconscious thing, or unconscious reflex, it doesn't really seem to have substantial claim that this is apparent for most people.

It seems like a major flaw in thought processing in the person attempting to receive the information, or maybe it's just me. It's probably just me, but I doubt I would be the only person in the world with a presumed mindset that spacing things out would actually make things easier on a person's eyes, but not really for their mind? I just don't understand how people can comprehend things that are cluttered and packed together without having the possibility of accidentally backtracking their eyes, which would make more of an inconvenience in terms of reading and analyzing the information shown to them.

LOL Link, are you seriously using indent tags? Or did the forum just format it like that coz you used tabs?

With the double spacing, it's generally considered bad, coz it.... takes up too much space.
I also like putting double spaces after a full stop/period though. Which is considered horrible practice too.
This forum changes it to one space. But I find when I'm reading things with one space I constantly mangle
the sentences up, coz you don't always catch the.

But anyway, with the double spaced lines thing, a far better way to avoid the reader skipping lines is to not put too many words on a line.
That's why I type posts like I do. But even I put too many.
The general rule is 10 words per line. It's the same reason newspapers write the articles in columns.
Obviously you can't write an essay like that, but you should bring your borders in at least a little bit.

That's awesome, Tommo. I hadn't noticed you did that but your reasons make perfect sense to me

It was very hard for me to get away from using indents on-line. Typing classes in Middle School drilled it into my brain: 5 spaces at the start of each new line, 1 space after commas, 2 after periods (?'s, !'s etc), double line breaks between paragraphs etc.
I have a very hard time comprehending anything jumbled together for lines on end.
My brain tends to take a "snap-shot" of sorts before reading anything. When everything's all bunched together it's like the words are on top of each other and my eyes forget how to process the individual words (if that makes sense lol)

Awesome NewArtemis! I hope you get to have fun like that more often

Dakotah. Hope the tests go well. lol @ your mom for grounding you. But here's another for your suffering

My pipes are still frozen. They probably wont thaw until Tuesday, so I'll be under the trailer looking for leaks and re-enforcing the insulation. I really wish hubby would just hire someone who knows what they're doing!!!!!
But it's a glorious day. There's snow covering the ground and the temp has raised to 19 degrees lol
I'll be taking the heater back tonight or tomorrow. It just doesn't work as well as my smaller (and cheaper) one did. My feet are always cold. I'm also returning the teensy heater. It's not accomplishing anything lol

Last night, I drank a Monster Espresso at around 11:30. I was still exhausted, so I crawled into bed at 1AM. My pulse was beating so hard but slowly I was actually concerned lol. So I got up, got my machine, took my blood pressure after laying back down for a couple of minutes and everything was absolutely "perfect" at 114/78 pulse of 69. My pulse is never that slow though. It's strange how I get worried and notice when my body is actually behaving healthily
As an example. As soon as I woke up this morning, I stretched in bed, still laying down, took my readings again and they were 115/75 pulse of 86. I had done nothing, smoked nothing, drank nothing for almost 9 hours and my pulse was still faster upon waking than it was before sleeping last night. I don't understand my body at all lol.

**EDIT**
Oh yeah. I ran out of Ginkgo about a week ago. I had been taking about 240 mg daily for as long as 90 pills (120 mg) lasts. (Though initially, I started out on 360 mg)
My dreams have been more vivid since I've been off of it. I keep having bloody dreams about injured or dying animals. wth?
But my legs are constantly aching now that I'm off of it. Taking Potassium helps a wee bit, but the aches were almost gone completely while on Ginkgo. I think that's very interesting and I'll definitely be buying some more next week.

GRAH! My eyes itch so bad! It would be awesome if I could just pop em outta my skull and stick them in a glass full of eyedrops and just let them sit there for a while. It is driving me insane, and I can't touch them or it just gets worse.

Another thing: I wish I wasn't so violent in my dreams. It kind of bothers me, I'm not sure why it's like that. I'm not a violent person, I do have urges like that though. It's just never hugely pronounced, and I don't act on anything, worst case I go psycho on a pillow or a punching bag if I can get ahold of one. I mean, I guess it's mostly self-defense in my dreams, but when it's not I have a lot of fun doing it, or I just don't give a crap. Power's sweet, and I know that I'm attracted to that (whatever kind it may be), but it just doesn't really jive with my more diplomatic expression of stuff. It's just so confusing, I don't know why and I don't know how to stop it and it's really bothering me.

And a mild concern: I really want to do well in my classes this semester. But just in the first two weeks I'm getting bombarded with so much new information I don't know how well I can keep up. I especially want to do well in my prof's class (the one I'm working with) because, well, it would be highly embarrassing if I didn't, plus that's probably going to be the class that focuses most on what I'm interested in.

On the upside: I just finished AC: Brotherhood (finally), and I'm moving on to AC: Revelations. I'm excited. One step closer to AC3 I got AC:R for the Xbox though, so I hope the controls aren't too confusing (I've never played much Xbox). It took a hell of a lot of coordination on the PC until I got used to it. (Space: Legs, Shift: Unarmed hand, E: head/vision LMB: Armed hand, AWSD directional keys, mouse aiming, and RMB for high profile actions (using space, shift, and LMB for these too)). I kind of spazzed out for the beginning of the first game. And the second. And the third. (Granted, it was a little while between each.)

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

GRAH!
Another thing: I wish I wasn't so violent in my dreams. It kind of bothers me, I'm not sure why it's like that. I'm not a violent person, I do have urges like that though. It's just never hugely pronounced, and I don't act on anything, worst case I go psycho on a pillow or a punching bag if I can get ahold of one. I mean, I guess it's mostly self-defense in my dreams, but when it's not I have a lot of fun doing it, or I just don't give a crap. Power's sweet, and I know that I'm attracted to that (whatever kind it may be), but it just doesn't really jive with my more diplomatic expression of stuff. It's just so confusing, I don't know why and I don't know how to stop it and it's really bothering me.

I know Exactly what you mean, I tripped for a little bit when I started thinking about how I was killing in my dreams.

Im too lazy to quote. lol but @tommo i haven't had a lucid for a couple months now. And since i haven't been practicing I am having really bad recall. I need to get back into the habit of trying to lucid dream every night. Its not like the whole process is hard. I just cant commit myself to doing ANYTHING lately. I'm so pathetic. :/

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

Another thing: I wish I wasn't so violent in my dreams. It kind of bothers me, I'm not sure why it's like that. I'm not a violent person, I do have urges like that though. It's just never hugely pronounced, and I don't act on anything, worst case I go psycho on a pillow or a punching bag if I can get ahold of one. I mean, I guess it's mostly self-defense in my dreams, but when it's not I have a lot of fun doing it, or I just don't give a crap. Power's sweet, and I know that I'm attracted to that (whatever kind it may be), but it just doesn't really jive with my more diplomatic expression of stuff. It's just so confusing, I don't know why and I don't know how to stop it and it's really bothering me.

Don't feel bad that you have the capability to fight and to dominate. These kind of abilities probably kept our ancestors alive on some ancient savanna. Your genes don't make it through the gauntlet of evolution if you don't have it in you somewhere to bare your teeth and throw a few elbows.

It feels weird, though, because your modern mind knows that real violence is an awful, ugly, sickening thing. All anybody can do is keep that fact firmly in mind and then just work to treat real people as well as possible. (And I'm willing to bet you do very well with that. The very fact that you're worrying about this rather than gleefully feeding the beast says it all.)

The whole thing could work in your favor, too. I think that any kind of persistent, unpleasant dream content is a great opportunity for lucidity. IMO, one of the great insights of Tibetan Dream Yoga is that emotion is a form of dream. A surge of fist-clenching anger is an internally-created illusion, just as much as any dream. When these occur, if you can recognize them for what they are and then form the habit of immediately scrutinizing the rest of the world, you could be on your way to a lucid dream!

Rant: After the kids went to bed, I had to work late cleaning up someone else's mess. The work was intricate, unpleasant, time-consuming and kinda screwed up my evening. No awareness practice, no gaming, and (apparently) no workout.

Most annoying of all is the fact that the work should have been done by someone else. Weeks ago.

Anti-Rant: I'm overdue for a lucid and I know I'm going to wander into one soon. I feel it in my bones, baby!

I had another poetry reading tonight. I don't think people understood what I meant by the word rape. I definitely prefer the open mic parties where I can write about eating out bloody pussy and get roars of applause and approval to the stuffy open mics set up by a bunch of teachers from the university where I can't even use the word rape to describe carnal impatience.

Originally Posted by Original Poster

I had another poetry reading tonight. I don't think people understood what I meant by the word rape. I definitely prefer the open mic parties where I can write about eating out bloody pussy and get roars of applause and approval to the stuffy open mics set up by a bunch of teachers from the university where I can't even use the word rape to describe carnal impatience.

If you use Carnal impatience to describe rape instead, you'll probably get what you want out of those readings.

You could be like at the end,

*wears sunglasses*


Rape.

I don't know, I'm stuck. On the one hand, I don't lack empathy for rape victims. And I don't want to salt their wounds. Nor do I want people thinking I take pride in being provocative for the sake of it or that I exploit shock value or anything else. But rape was the honest word to use. The exact line went like this:

"Something reminiscent of a shadow
staring from behind my eyes
The part of me
that kind of just wants to rape you"

and the word isn't leaving the poem. It can't. But it's not supposed to invoke laughter, either. Part of me really does see a girl and want to rape her, not to cause her any pain or anything. I mean rape in the sense that I don't want to take things slow, when I see a beautiful girl I want to pull her pants down and put it in her. That is definitively rape, even if she thinks you're cute. But I think every guy has that impulse, and all I wanted to do was put that impulse into words. I don't want to soften my words into something less accurate simply because they're politically incorrect.

EDIT: There's a very ironic conversation occurring on facebook right now. I decided to make a status update conveying my ambivalence about my choice of vocabulary and the one person to respond (taking a stance that you shouldn't use the word rape) is the person I wrote the poem about. I mean not her specifically, it's a general feeling I have every time I see a beautiful girl. But I do like her. And I don't even know why I like her so much. I mean yeah she's cute but I can't point out any specific qualities that should set her above other girls. But yeah, this conversation is ironic as fuck.

MORE EDIT: She also posted an article a minute ago about the whole "rape victims must carry children to term to serve as evidence" thing conservatives are trying to pull. I agree that it's fucking sick. But you have to admit, it's fucking hilarious, and something I expect Jon Stewart to have a couple cents on. And I'm going to laugh my ass off when he brings it up. But... it's also fucking sick that it's happening... in reality. But then again, I suppose I'll just have to refer to my sig for this one.

[SPOILER][/SPOILER]

Originally Posted by Original Poster

I don't know, I'm stuck. On the one hand, I don't lack empathy for rape victims. And I don't want to salt their wounds. Nor do I want people thinking I take pride in being provocative for the sake of it or that I exploit shock value or anything else. But rape was the honest word to use. The exact line went like this:

"Something reminiscent of a shadow
staring from behind my eyes
The part of me
that kind of just wants to rape you"

and the word isn't leaving the poem. It can't. But it's not supposed to invoke laughter, either. Part of me really does see a girl and want to rape her, not to cause her any pain or anything. I mean rape in the sense that I don't want to take things slow, when I see a beautiful girl I want to pull her pants down and put it in her. That is definitively rape, even if she thinks you're cute. But I think every guy has that impulse, and all I wanted to do was put that impulse into words. I don't want to soften my words into something less accurate simply because they're politically incorrect.

EDIT: There's a very ironic conversation occurring on facebook right now. I decided to make a status update conveying my ambivalence about my choice of vocabulary and the one person to respond (taking a stance that you shouldn't use the word rape) is the person I wrote the poem about. I mean not her specifically, it's a general feeling I have every time I see a beautiful girl. But I do like her. And I don't even know why I like her so much. I mean yeah she's cute but I can't point out any specific qualities that should set her above other girls. But yeah, this conversation is ironic as fuck.

MORE EDIT: She also posted an article a minute ago about the whole "rape victims must carry children to term to serve as evidence" thing conservatives are trying to pull. I agree that it's fucking sick. But you have to admit, it's fucking hilarious, and something I expect Jon Stewart to have a couple cents on. And I'm going to laugh my ass off when he brings it up. But... it's also fucking sick that it's happening... in reality. But then again, I suppose I'll just have to refer to my sig for this one.

Carnal impatience ravish her

Ravish technically has the right definition but it misses the connotation. The poem in its entirety explains how I'm very, very uncomfortable with my sexual desire sometimes because it's so out of place. I feel so ashamed of my desire that I really do feel like a rapist, or rather fear that my desire for a female is so strong that it would terrify her if she saw it. It also conveys a basic conditioning in me that forces me to assume girls don't like me and if I pay too much attention to them I'll make them uncomfortable. I'm terrified of creeping girls out.

I need to speak so offensively only because my carnal impulses feel so offensive.