Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by tommo

DV pleases me, everyone is more fucked up than I am.

It's funny how that giving response to Alyzarin suddenly makes me fucked up. And yet I'm sure if she would give her own experience, it would be fine and dandy for you, of course I won't go into giving you obvious trends that has led to my presumption of that. If I actually enjoyed those moments and loved every moment of it, then yes, I would be fucked up. I'm just telling her just how I felt during those experiences, but just because I experienced them, how does that make me fucked up? With that logic, I guess anyone that has series of traumatic dreams suddenly becomes fucked up or something. And DV members being more fucked up as some means to make yourself feel normal makes you feel at ease? That's even more fucked up to be honest with you.

It's almost as if I just mention one slip of a personal experience over a question like that, I'm automatically some shitty mess. It's almost bitter hearing people even joking around that people are fucked up just because they couldn't control what happened in their dreams. I'm glad my posts are a reflection that I'm some fucked up person, I don't revel in the thought of murder or anything that I stated in the previous post, it's traumatic, and I don't want it to happen. It's just that it was bound to happen when I or any person that uses Lucid Dreaming as Escapism would encounter. We're just going to be fucktards until we're nothing but piss and shit apparently.

I seriously feel people need to start updating their definitions of what's a "joke," "jest," or "sarcasm." It's funny how if I tried redirecting what people were saying to me, suddenly it's a bad thing, and yet they can go on with being aggressive without even realizing their heads are also the ones filled with shit. It's usually easy to spot based on how people type and post on here and any thread on DV where there's some kind of question or curiosity that's bound to have some heads rolling.

It's only fucked up to a person like you because you probably never wanted to see what certain aspects of your mind can be like that you repressed or just didn't acknowledge could be there in the first place. I guess striving to knowing sense of self, both good and bad, is taboo. It's also what I feel prevents people from actually opening up and potentially seeing others have the same experiences as well. Curiosity seems to be dead here.

inb4I'mTheDouchebag

What the hell is wrong with me? I can't sleep more than 4 hrs straight for 7 days already! i always wake up in the middle of the night, recalling my dreams and going back to sleep is a bitch.

So today, that girl finally hit me up. At first it was like we were just back to normal, then about an hour in she ends up crawling into my lap and holding on to me. It happens again a few more times after that. I let it happen and hold her back from time to time. A couple of times throughout today we end up holding hands. then tonight we go to walmart and she answers the phone with "hey babe."

I don't know what the hell is going on at all with her and I, and I'm kind of confused. Any Ideas or input on my situation?

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

So today, that girl finally hit me up. At first it was like we were just back to normal, then about an hour in she ends up crawling into my lap and holding on to me. It happens again a few more times after that. I let it happen and hold her back from time to time. A couple of times throughout today we end up holding hands. then tonight we go to walmart and she answers the phone with "hey babe."

I don't know what the hell is going on at all with her and I, and I'm kind of confused. Any Ideas or input on my situation?

She's probably love struck?

@Dianeva: Well that all just pretty much sucks. It really does.

Except the professor asking if you would be interested in being a marker. When she sends you an email like that, especially when it's been a while since last you had contact, it means she thinks you could do it and that she would probably be happy to give you the job. So don't be afraid to say that you're interested, especially since you want it, it would look good and you need the money. Besides if the professor thinks you can do it, who are you to argue

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

So today, that girl finally hit me up. At first it was like we were just back to normal, then about an hour in she ends up crawling into my lap and holding on to me. It happens again a few more times after that. I let it happen and hold her back from time to time. A couple of times throughout today we end up holding hands. then tonight we go to walmart and she answers the phone with "hey babe."

I don't know what the hell is going on at all with her and I, and I'm kind of confused. Any Ideas or input on my situation?

To clarify it wasn't me she called babe. Today same thing, and she hangs up with "I love You" but then shes all up on me all day again.

Very bad day for me today again, i can't sleep... only 1 hours time. Stayed up, felt sad and as if someone is grabbing my heart tight and making me more sad.
I cried for half hour, then i think of him and i feel i forget i cried, then i remember why i do, then i cry again, and the cycle goes around, i was thinking to just end this madness and end this sadness to just kill myself.
Then images of him comes again, i stopped crying, i tell him to go away he doesn't care, all to get an answer back from him. I watched madison of bridges county til i slept. Again i had a teasing dream the 3rd time in a row from him ABOUT him, i don't know what to think now.....?
I DON'T WANT TO STAY UP, I WANT TO SLEEP AND DREAM!!! WHY DO I SLEEP FOR AN HOUR AND WAKE UP LIKE I DON'T NEED ANYMORE SLEEP??? MAKES NO SENSE! AND I WAS TIRED BEFORE I SLEPT! Now i got to stay up all night, and sleep at day.

Don't you just hate it when people eat with there mouth open?

Also i got an narcissistic personality disorder, according to a online test atleast. I'm also pretty close to becoming a psychopath! I swear those internet tests are complete crap! ..... or are they?

Also hang in there hathor28!

Okay first of all, a rave. NEW SIGUR ROS ALBUM -Kveikur - is free online to stream! The whole album!!!!

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

It's funny how that giving response to Alyzarin suddenly makes me fucked up. And yet I'm sure if she would give her own experience, it would be fine and dandy for you, of course I won't go into giving you obvious trends that has led to my presumption of that. If I actually enjoyed those moments and loved every moment of it, then yes, I would be fucked up. I'm just telling her just how I felt during those experiences, but just because I experienced them, how does that make me fucked up? With that logic, I guess anyone that has series of traumatic dreams suddenly becomes fucked up or something. And DV members being more fucked up as some means to make yourself feel normal makes you feel at ease? That's even more fucked up to be honest with you.

It's almost as if I just mention one slip of a personal experience over a question like that, I'm automatically some shitty mess. It's almost bitter hearing people even joking around that people are fucked up just because they couldn't control what happened in their dreams. I'm glad my posts are a reflection that I'm some fucked up person, I don't revel in the thought of murder or anything that I stated in the previous post, it's traumatic, and I don't want it to happen. It's just that it was bound to happen when I or any person that uses Lucid Dreaming as Escapism would encounter. We're just going to be fucktards until we're nothing but piss and shit apparently.

I seriously feel people need to start updating their definitions of what's a "joke," "jest," or "sarcasm." It's funny how if I tried redirecting what people were saying to me, suddenly it's a bad thing, and yet they can go on with being aggressive without even realizing their heads are also the ones filled with shit. It's usually easy to spot based on how people type and post on here and any thread on DV where there's some kind of question or curiosity that's bound to have some heads rolling.

It's only fucked up to a person like you because you probably never wanted to see what certain aspects of your mind can be like that you repressed or just didn't acknowledge could be there in the first place. I guess striving to knowing sense of self, both good and bad, is taboo. It's also what I feel prevents people from actually opening up and potentially seeing others have the same experiences as well. Curiosity seems to be dead here.

inb4I'mTheDouchebag

Okay, honestly link you over-analyse simple comments a lot. You've done this before.
I get it, coz I do the same thing sometimes but you really need to just recognise that you do it, so you can improve for yourself.
It's not healthy to get so worked up about things like that.

I mean first of all, I "liked" your post, so I didn't think it was bad. Honestly I can't remember why I thought you and aly's posts indicated "fucked up"ness
and I cbf reading through them again since they're both long. It wasn't a serious reply. I just found it comforting that we are all free to say what we think here
because you really get that IRL because people put up these completely fake personas.... facades.
It wasn't a criticism at all.
I maybe should have just said that. That I find comfort that other people here are as fucked up as me.
But I think you're taking issue with the "fucked up" part, mostly. To me, it is not a bad thing. Maybe "weird" or "different" would be appropriate, but it's less pithy.

If I said that people on DV are just like everyone I know IRL, that would be an insult.

I hope you get what I'm saying.

And yes, I made that response after reading your post and aly's post. I wasn't directing it to either of you really, but the thought was "spawned" from reading those posts.

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

So today, that girl finally hit me up. At first it was like we were just back to normal, then about an hour in she ends up crawling into my lap and holding on to me. It happens again a few more times after that. I let it happen and hold her back from time to time. A couple of times throughout today we end up holding hands. then tonight we go to walmart and she answers the phone with "hey babe."

I don't know what the hell is going on at all with her and I, and I'm kind of confused. Any Ideas or input on my situation?

I don't know enough about the situation, but if you haven't told her how you feel properly, just do that.
If you have and she's reciprocated, then she may just be one of those people that isn't content with one partner. (Which is actually a majority of the population, which is why the divorce rate is like 70%, so it's not a criticism of her).

OTOH, it could have been a female friend of hers. Lots of girls call their girl friends "babe".

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I don't know what to say but that I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through that. It sounds familiar, I know it's horrible and hope you'll start feeling better soon.

It's an on and off thing...more to do with close connections like telepathy with someone else far away. happens once a month and it's not cuz of PMS lol.

Originally Posted by tommo

I don't know enough about the situation, but if you haven't told her how you feel properly, just do that.
If you have and she's reciprocated, then she may just be one of those people that isn't content with one partner. (Which is actually a majority of the population, which is why the divorce rate is like 70%, so it's not a criticism of her).

OTOH, it could have been a female friend of hers. Lots of girls call their girl friends "babe".

IDK. I think we are in an open relationship, cause I told her I wasn't opposed to it, but she never said anything after I said that. and no it was for surely the other guy. I could tell by the voice she uses with guys she likes.

It's wierd I've always been so opposed to open relationships, but she makes it... different I guess... I'd just rather keep her forever in anyway, and if that means we can be together and still be able to be with other ok... I guess I'm kind of more whorish nowadays.

I don't think things are going particually well...

Woke up around 5:30 AM to have an early start at the DPS, things went fairly well, had my ticket called within 30 minutes, but I didn't have those small documentation they need despite of the other 5 evidences of residence I have for this state. Then after 30 minutes to an hour of going back home and getting whatever it is we needed, it was another 3 hours of standing around, waiting for the next ticket as if I'm waiting to win the lottery.

Had the same bitch that told me I needed to have the other documents say, "Oh, you're back!" Yes, I'm back because unlike that one girl that got everything by just giving her Texas ID Card, I had to get 2 more pieces of proof of residence (along with my 5 pieces as backup), despite me and that same girl essentially being in the same condition to get the permit in the first place.

But I guess the one to really blame is my father since he went by one case scenario of one girl who got her permit with just one proof of ID. And the fact that despite me giving him the list of what we needed to bring, he's like "You don't have to carry all that stuff," only until today where he finds out he's wrong and didn't admit that he made a mistake while I was waiting in the heat just for the DPS to open.

He had to miss a day of pay from work, and that really sucks, but eh, he's too short of an attention span to prepare and listen anyway.

Rave:

Saw a hot blonde girl at the DPS though, too bad she looked pissed off like everyone is over there. Then there was another one, but she has one of those older over-protective mothers, but it didn't seem like anyone would care if you looked at them for a good while at the DPS since they'll have to do the same thing to distract themselves.

----

@Tommo, I'm sorry I took it the wrong way, this week has been bullshit to me lately, and I just got mad for petty reasons, sorry about that, man.

@Dianeva - It's all normal and you're not wrong to feel in any way.

Feel better.

I can't seem to wake up at the time I want to. A couple days ago I decided to start trying very hard again to lucid dream and have been doing RCs, keeping a DJ, using MILD, etc. Last night I felt I was really going to do it. I listened to some of those old DV podcasts, LDing seemed firmly in my mind. I decided exactly what I'd do when I became lucid. But I never did, that I remember. I set an alarm for WBTB but slept through it, as well as the other alarm I'd set after 8 hours of sleep, so I woke up late and barely remembered my dreams. That is a common problem for me. I can't seem to wake up with an alarm clock. No matter how much sleep I've gotten, after I wake up the first time I'm just so tired, and keep falling back asleep and waking up for like an hour until I'm finally awake. I wish I could just get out of bed as soon as my alarm went off. I wish I had a bed that would just fold up and push me off of it after my alarm goes off so that I don't have a choice.....

Originally Posted by melanieb

@Dianeva - It's all normal and you're not wrong to feel in any way.

Feel better.

ty lol. Of course I deleted what I posted the next day.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Woke up around 5:30 AM to have an early start at the DPS, things went fairly well, had my ticket called within 30 minutes, but I didn't have those small documentation they need despite of the other 5 evidences of residence I have for this state. Then after 30 minutes to an hour of going back home and getting whatever it is we needed, it was another 3 hours of standing around, waiting for the next ticket as if I'm waiting to win the lottery.

Had the same bitch that told me I needed to have the other documents say, "Oh, you're back!" Yes, I'm back because unlike that one girl that got everything by just giving her Texas ID Card, I had to get 2 more pieces of proof of residence (along with my 5 pieces as backup), despite me and that same girl essentially being in the same condition to get the permit in the first place.

What is the DPS? That whole situation sounds really similar to my border fiasco. I also brought what they said I needed, plus more documents, and still didn't have what they were looking for. I also got the same 'bitch' I got last time who remembered me. And I was also annoyed at the fact that other people get through with only their passports. I mean I know the situations aren't the same, but there are some strange parallels.

Was shopping at walmart, and seen a 9mth old playing with a smartphone like how an adult can (swiping it's fingers like on an ipad). I just smh and smiled, but still i find that fucked up, why give a baby that thing when there is plenty of other things it can play with? She probably does that non stop at home!
Hell my 3yr old isnt introduced to smartphones YET! I keep it that way! What's next? 9mth old with google glasses?

DPS = Department of Public Safety

The driver's license office

Page 555 o.0!

Tonight was high school graduations so there were lots of young, attractive female guests around at the restaurant I work at. All the other servers were getting the cutest girls and I was getting hardly any, maybe one. Then, towards the end of the shift, I finally get a table three young, very attractive ladies to serve. After I happily and excitedly got them drinks, however, my supervisor told me I was done for the night and forced me to give away my ladies to another waiter. No luck tonight.

Alyzarin! You liked my post so I know you're here. I'm so glad you're back. I love you.

Also, I'm drunk. I just ate a whole can of canned ravioli with like 300 calories of shredded cheese above and below it. :/ I couldn't do anything else, being drunk. So I've gone way over my allowed calories today.

But I feel like I'm going to be better tomorrow. I have to be. I feel so weird. I'm such a different person in all situations. When I'm talking to my cat, when I'm talking to myself, to my family, to different friends.... I feel like an entirely different person. But the person behind that, I feel is going to be better now. I have to be. I'm going to have a lucid dream tonight. I'm going to. I swear to fucking god. Everyone look in my DJ tomorrow to read about it. It better happen. Seriously. It's going to happen. I'm going to have an LD. I'm going to know that I'm dreaming, and remember it.

I originally expected to post this here as a rant, but now I'm really reconsidering. I'm still going to mention it though. My internet access has been so limited for so long. First there was the vacation, then the laptop breaking down, and now I'm petsitting at a house where I don't have a connection. I expected this would be killing me but it's actually felt incredibly freeing. On average I'm feeling much better than I was before, and I'm getting out of the house more and doing things. Today I went and saw a fictional but realistic play that focused on the treatment of gay men in concentration camps at a Holocaust museum that was done very well with both sad and happy (for the context) moments, and tomorrow I'm going to go to an educational BDSM thing about how to use a bunch of different toys, and then immediately afterward I'm going to a concert which I'm expecting to kick some righteous ass. I've also just been getting used to not having quite so much technological stimulation all the time, and I think it's been really healthy for me.

Speaking of which, I think it's about time to sign off. It's already 3:50 AM here and things like using the computer and continuing to stay awake are giving me a headache. Goodnight~

And Link, I haven't forgotten about that response, I just haven't had the time or the internet to type something out yet. I've got a tab open for it though.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Alyzarin! You liked my post so I know you're here. I'm so glad you're back. I love you.

Also, I'm drunk. I just ate a whole can of canned ravioli with like 300 calories of shredded cheese above and below it. :/ I couldn't do anything else, being drunk. So I've gone way over my allowed calories today.

But I feel like I'm going to be better tomorrow. I have to be. I feel so weird. I'm such a different person in all situations. When I'm talking to my cat, when I'm talking to myself, to my family, to different friends.... I feel like an entirely different person. But the person behind that, I feel is going to be better now. I have to be. I'm going to have a lucid dream tonight. I'm going to. I swear to fucking god. Everyone look in my DJ tomorrow to read about it. It better happen. Seriously. It's going to happen. I'm going to have an LD. I'm going to know that I'm dreaming, and remember it.

Aww, I love you too. I've really been missing you and everyone else. DV is starting to be the only site I really consider worth using anymore lol.

Good, use that motivation! What you say about being a different person in each situation sounds like something I was thinking about earlier tonight. An old high school friend of mine is back in town and whenever he's around I always notice what a drastic change in personality I go through. It's weird how it works that way, huh?

Anyway, I really do need to sleep now. Good luck with your dreams!!

Originally Posted by tommo

Page 555 o.0!

You all complain too much!

Though, that statement would count as a complaint, so I guess I'm a hypocrite.

Stopping by for a quick Rave before going to the concert. I promise I'm not going to go into detail with every one of these things but they're just so exciting right now. The BDSM demonstrations thing was awesome. It was pretty educational actually, it contained just lots of good things to go in knowing, and afterward they asked people to get involved. I tried fire cupping and violet wands, and I almost tried getting whipped but I decided to put that one aside for now lol. The fire cupping was cool, but it was definitely more on the therapeutic side of relaxation and I felt like it would have been a lot better in the proper context. The violet wands were pretty neat, though depending on where exactly they were being used it could range from pleasurable to painful. I still have lots of little zap marks all over my skin. What I really liked though is when you just hold the wand instead when you turn it on, and it makes it so that like whenever you have other metal or human contact it creates a zap between you and it. As soon as I started that one the woman who was doing the demonstrations pulled out a knife and dragged the blade along my skin with a little electric current constantly going between it and my skin, and I still have a line drawn there now. It felt GREAT. She also has these metal nails that she put on and started doing the same with them, and then she got the other people in the room to use either their nails or one of the metal toys for use with the wand from the bed and start shocking me too. It was pretty ridiculous. Definitely something worth looking into.

Nowww, I'm going to a concert. I'll likely be reporting back on that later tonight or tomorrow, among other things.