Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

Loosing your virginity takes no skill and means nothing. A animal in the field can loose its virginity. Sex leads to hurt feelings, pregnancy and illness if everything is not done right with the right person. Only young boys should feel like they are made less by being a virgin, and then only because they are misled by society. For a woman to be virgin is universally seen as a sign of good judgement. You are fine. Do not rush it, and find the perfect setting and time. No hurrys at all.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

Haha.

No.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Social pressure is bad. Don't listen to it.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

Be true to your own self! The world is littered with wrecks, who weren't true to theirs.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

If I wouldn't have managed to met that one girls who now is my wife I'd still be a virgin at 23, and potentially for a lot longer. Better be picky and wait for the right one, honestly. As the others said, there's nothing wrong with that.


As for my own rant: Everything seems to be going down the gutter and I feel like I'm constantly doing all kinds of stuff for others, like paper work and general "wipe everyone's ass" kind of things. Just when I thought I could get shit done this year I'm once more doing all kinds of stuff and things which are basically irrelevant to myself. I just want to throw a big -I FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD AND THE EFFIN' HUMANS ON IT AND ALL THE RANDOM ANNOYING UNNECESSARY WEIRD SHIT THEY DO- out there. Yeah that felt good.
Now I'm hoping that I won't get the carpet pulled under my feet again. Like it already happened so often. If I'm already feeling like rock bottom it'd be high time for things to go upwards again.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

Virginity is some weird fictitious concept in tradition, in my book. Is it just the tearing of the hymen? Because a lot of girls tear their hymens in bike incidents as children so then what is virginity? Might as well forget about that concept and live your life without pressure, there is nothing wrong with you

I burnt my sweet potato fries. Just like I burnt my taquitos, and everything I put in the oven. That abyss of heat and forgetfulness.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Okay, I want to know, you guys, SERIOUSLY: is there something wrong with me for still being a virgin, even when I'll be 25 this summer? I would lose it in a heartbeat if I could just find a guy I'm actually attracted to that actually WANTS me. Why is this so impossible?

I think it really is impossible. I'd still be a virgin if I hadn't let go of that one condition - 'a guy I'm attracted to'. Now I'm okay with having sex with guys I'm not attracted to, as long as they are willing to have sex with me. I'm not recommending this to anyone, just saying. Lowered my standards and hit rock bottom, yep.

Originally Posted by Anju

I think it really is impossible. I'd still be a virgin if I hadn't let go of that one condition - 'a guy I'm attracted to'. Now I'm okay with having sex with guys I'm not attracted to, as long as they are willing to have sex with me. I'm not recommending this to anyone, just saying. Lowered my standards and hit rock bottom, yep.

WOW! Anju, you are absolutely stunning, what is going on that you need guys you are not attracted too? If you are just looking for sex, you should be able to get equally stunning guys?!?!

I am having a light migraine right now, which sucks hard rules.
Headache, trembling feeling in my whole body, slight dizziness, aching eyes...

...and basically every physical discomfort in existence.
Migraine is annoying as hell awesome.
But it isn't too bad right now actually, I feel that it is about to go away, so surfing da interwebz is not too uncomfortable.

In short, I only feel somewhat great.

When you say something is impossible, you're basically just creating an imaginary wall that you'll never break through. Overcoming our own thoughts is often times the biggest recurring obstacle we face in life--excluding the more extraordinary obstacles, like our inability to jump out of a 10-story building and fly. But when you say something is impossible or it can's happen, you're only hurting yourself. And yes; this is just a load of new-age hippie garbage that is a billion times easier to type than it is to put into practice. They say that a person often gives others the advice that they need to hear themselves, and well... that's basically what this post is.


So on another note, it's Friday and I'm done with school and work for the weekend. I finished building my power supply the other day (granted don't actually know how to use it yet, but I feel pretty awesome for what really was just a bunch of basic soldering), and today I got 100% on our first electronics theory test. And probably 100% on the first math test as well, but I won't know for sure until Monday. So for now, I bought a beer and a cookie, and now I'm going to vegetate and play some Wasteland 2.

Originally Posted by Narwhal

Virginity is some weird fictitious concept in tradition, in my book. Is it just the tearing of the hymen? Because a lot of girls tear their hymens in bike incidents as children so then what is virginity? Might as well forget about that concept and live your life without pressure, there is nothing wrong with you

Actually, I've heard that the hymen isn't supposed to break at all. If it hurts or bleeds, that means you're doing it wrong, ie the guy is too aggressive and fast and the girl is too nervous/not wet enough. The fact that this violent, painful idea of losing virginity is the norm is pretty misogynistic.

I know deep down that I shouldn't worry about it, and that I shouldn't be a slave to what other people think. Beyond all that, though, I'm STILL horny, I still want to experience a relationship (that is, until I almost have one with a guy who's not quite perfect and then I discover I don't, actually), and most of all, I'm really worried that life is passing me by. I'll never look as young and attractive as I am right now, most likely. I'm worried if I don't act soon, I'll regret missing most of my life.

I need to stop the addiction of calling myself "worthless". I've fallen in love with that word for years, as a verbal cut to the skin, and I need to stop. The other day I started getting suicidal thoughts that just WOULD NOT relent, and it started scaring me, and while I was crying and feeling sorry for myself likes no one loves me and is ever there for me, I saw an orange/black butterfly on the ground, and then it flew up towards me (I tried not to freak out), and it landed on my sleeve, and it just stayed there. Drawing its long tongue out to lick my jacket sleeve. That was enough to make me feel less alone and like SOMEBODY loves me. Yeah, my mom and a few people say they love me and care, but I never take their words seriously and forget them often. So yeah, I broke down with a butterfly on my arm, and then it mysteriously disappeared. I didn't even see it fly away.

I'll probably try to replace my self talk from "worthless" to "worthy" or "great" or something. It seems stupid now, but I'll try.

Also, mini-rant: I don't like potato salad anymore. It's gross. I'm gonna bake potatoes with rosemary from now on.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Actually, I've heard that the hymen isn't supposed to break at all. If it hurts or bleeds, that means you're doing it wrong, ie the guy is too aggressive and fast and the girl is too nervous/not wet enough. The fact that this violent, painful idea of losing virginity is the norm is pretty misogynistic.

I think it depends on what kind of hymen it is. Some people have really thin and stretchy ones which don't hurt or bleed. A thicker one may hurt even if you're being gentle and relaxed. I had something like a tiny 3mm slit and there was no way I could get anything in without tearing it at least a little.

I haven't been feeling too well lately. It's like I'm tired of living but I'm scared of dying. I'm trying so hard to get rid of these bad thoughts but nothing's working. They ALWAYS return. Like if I'm just walking in town and cars pass, I imagine myself stepping in front of them. When I'm holding a knife to cut my food, I imagine stabbing myself multiple times. When I'm taking a bath, I imagine drowning myself. Or if I see a gun on a tv show, I fantasize about putting a bullet through my head and the list just goes on and on. The urges to hurt myself are always there. It just makes me feel so good knowing that I could end it all right now. But thinking about dying and what comes after scares the shit out of me. My health's been poorly the past few weeks. I often feel dizzy, nauseous and my heart seems to beat irregular and too fast sometimes. When that's happening I always assume that I'm about to have a heart attack and that this is how it's going to end. I get really bad anxiety because of it. Everything's just so confusing, it's like a part of me really wants to die and the other part wants to stay alive because it's scared of death.

All of my friends and family seem to do great. And then there's me. I can feel myself slipping back into that bad place again and I don't like it at all.
I really need to leave this shitty town, every day it reminds me of how I failed and how I made the wrong decisions. But I can't because I still have to graduate first. And I just don't know how much longer I can take this. To be honest, I hate myself for feeling like this. I know that there are so many people out there who have it way worse than me. And it makes me feel guilty for feeling bad about my life. But I can't help it. I just ruined everything during the past 5 years, and it's all my fucking fault for being such a pathetic idiot.

I broke my hymen at 7-ish when I fell while balancing across the monkey bars (OUCH!). And sex still hurt when I was around 17.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting.

I think I'm finally recovered from the trip. My legs are getting on my last nerve though. I must break down and see a doctor. There's no point in agonizing myself if a better med is available (as long as it's affordable!!!)
Now there's something neat going on with my left foot. For the last couple days, whenever I step down (or make the motion of doing so), my foot tingles. It's not unpleasant, just weird. Last night, I started poking on my foot, trying to find the source and I did. It's a spot on the top of my foot. It felt squishy (very slightly inflamed). I forgot all about it until a few minutes ago when I was outside with hubby. I looked down and saw a knot. Hubby says it's likely a cyst (ganglion or something- people tend to get them on their wrists).

Squirmy and her babies are all well. One of the kittens is the cutest ever. It looks like mom ran out of "ink toner" while forming that one. It's head is very dark until it progressively gets lighter to its rump.

everyone.

**EDIT**
You snuck in here Crashyy. Just wanted to give you a massive
In the span of what a life time can come out to- you're still a kid. You have countless more mistakes to make.. and victories to celebrate. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You're still learning. Heck, I'm in my 40's and I'm still learning lol.
When the thoughts start torturing you tell your brain to shut up, that you don't want to hear it. It is SO easy getting caught up in such thinking that even if it brings a warped sense of pleasure, don't humor it. Not even for a second. I think of it as a form of self-injury.
It could also be a symptom of your anxiety and OCD.
What ever the cause, I understand. Just try to focus on goals and the future and tell your brain to shut up when it wants to plague you with thoughts of the past.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

I haven't been feeling too well lately. It's like I'm tired of living but I'm scared of dying. I'm trying so hard to get rid of these bad thoughts but nothing's working. They ALWAYS return. Like if I'm just walking in town and cars pass, I imagine myself stepping in front of them. When I'm holding a knife to cut my food, I imagine stabbing myself multiple times. When I'm taking a bath, I imagine drowning myself. Or if I see a gun on a tv show, I fantasize about putting a bullet through my head and the list just goes on and on. The urges to hurt myself are always there. It just makes me feel so good knowing that I could end it all right now. But thinking about dying and what comes after scares the shit out of me. My health's been poorly the past few weeks. I often feel dizzy, nauseous and my heart seems to beat irregular and too fast sometimes. When that's happening I always assume that I'm about to have a heart attack and that this is how it's going to end. I get really bad anxiety because of it. Everything's just so confusing, it's like a part of me really wants to die and the other part wants to stay alive because it's scared of death.

All of my friends and family seem to do great. And then there's me. I can feel myself slipping back into that bad place again and I don't like it at all.
I really need to leave this shitty town, every day it reminds me of how I failed and how I made the wrong decisions. But I can't because I still have to graduate first. And I just don't know how much longer I can take this. To be honest, I hate myself for feeling like this. I know that there are so many people out there who have it way worse than me. And it makes me feel guilty for feeling bad about my life. But I can't help it. I just ruined everything during the past 5 years, and it's all my fucking fault for being such a pathetic idiot.

I know EXACTLY how you feel, down to every last emotion you have and thoughts about your life. There's actually no such thing as failure, though. Failure is a fatalistic name we give for a learning experience.

Here, judging by how fucked up some of us are here , lets all watch this. It REALLY helps:



Seriously, watch this video right now the entire way through. I once obliterated a panic attack by watching it and felt awesome and relaxed afterwards.

But I don't want to watch it right now
Later, tater

I have a RIPPING headache. Stupid iPad. I couldn't sleep last night, so I put together 2 1/2 puzzles. Each puzzle takes about an hour to finish. I did take a few breaks between them though, but I guess they weren't long enough and the angle killed my neck which caused the headache (in theory- but good theory lol).
I slept for some 7 hours and I still have it. I need to find a better way to lounge in bed and do puzzles.

Must find food and take meds for this beast of a headache.

HAAAHAHAAAHH holy fuck I'm going to have a fucking mental breakdown.

I just finished a perfect fucking essay, easily the best I've ever done. I check the university forums and someone asked whether it had to be an issue from Australia. The lecturer said yes.

I wrote mine on Ebola in Africa........

NO WHERE IN THE ASSIGNMENT GUIDE OR THE MARKING RUBRIC DOES IT SAY THAT IT HAS TO BE FROM FUCKING AUSTRALIA!

I swear to god this uni sucks absolute dick with their guidance on things. Their excuse is "self-guided learning", but there's a fucking limit to how self-guided it can be before the teachers literally do nothing. 90% of the info people ask for is not covered by the teachers, so there's thousands of questions on the boards. Why can they not just put what they want you to do in the damn assignment guide????

Now he wants me to rewrite it in 2 fucking days.

Apparently this university is the best for my course as well. I don't understand how.

Tommo, how annoying!! I hope you were able to get it rewritten without much difficulty.

My rant is bad doctor handwriting My p-doc prescribed something for restless leg but I couldn't read his writing. He said the name of it several times but I can't remember what he said for the life of me. All I know is he's cautious about it. It's a weird med- some people can take 100 mg, some people have to take up to something like 3300! The lowest dose starts at 100 mg and it comes in capsule form. Higher doses come in tablets which can be broken. The writing *looked* like the med starts with a "c".
After all off those clues, I still can't find something suitable through Google
But I turned it in, I just don't know how much it's going to cost me.

It causes drowsiness, which I'm not going to like. But if it helps my legs, I'll learn to love it quickly.

A rave is that I've learned I absolutely detest cigarettes now. I've been wanting to redo some tats. I tried using the ash from plain paper, but it just doesn't work as well. I got b-day coupons from Marlboro so I bought my favorite pack. They didn't make me cough, which is a little concerning in a silly sort of way, but the taste was horrendous. I tried 2 then I tried to just burn them and blow on them to get the ashes... which was taking a million years. So I gave my pack and my ash box to my eldest. My eldest offered. Anything for an OTC cig lol even though he's not a fan of menthol.
I was hesitant because I have a sort of routine for gathering the ashes. But, bleh, it's better than blowing on them. My room doesn't have to get stinky now either.

I'll be working on my tats soon... and after everything heals and is back in place , I'll make a dr. appointment for my general aches and complaints.

4 or 5 years ago, I "shaved" and gave myself 2 rune tats- one for fertility and one for attraction. When the hair grows back you don't know they're there. I've not had sex since :rofl: I think it's God's way of poking me in the ribs and asking "who do you believe in again " So the runes are in the process of becoming flowers. It's the only thing I can think of that can work the shapes in even somewhat. And my skill is VERY lacking. But good golly it's hard to make circles with an x-acto blade!!!!!!!

A rant is that I bought a new pair of sandals finally. They were sold out of MY sandal though, so I had to get a similar style. I hate it. I hate the color (white instead of light brown). Mostly though, I hate the straps over my foot. They jab and scratch the top of my foot. I'm taking them back tonight..... which is a partial rave because I can now afford at least my Celexa.
I guess I'll try for the sandals again next week. And now I know better than to compromise.

TWO MORE HOURS TO GET THIS SHIT DONE



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Rave: it's snowing hard right now and it's only gonna get worse tomorrow, so I have another day off work tomorrow. I got the news from my boss exactly when I was feeling the most stressed.

Snow? I'd love some snow about now
The temp's dropped here, but not THAT much lol. I am SO not looking forward to summer!

The med my doc prescribed is Gabapentin- 100 mg. I don't know if it's a placebo effect- it seems too soon for me to see results, but my legs aren't hurting at all If it's placebo, I'll still take the win
But the sedative side effect is killer. I took it around 7PM last night and slept from 9:30-1:30AM, then again from 7AM-3PM and I've been sleepy all day
I also have NO desire to eat, which is not a typical side effect of the med. I truly hope I'm in the very small minority of people who lose weight while taking it.

I desperately want to go to bed, but I'm trying to make myself stay up until at least midnight. Hopefully, I'll sleep through the night if I can hold off.

Oh yeah, it's been steadily snowing literally all day. Everything's covered in about a foot of snow... and just a few days ago it was hot, clear and sunny, up in the 70s, with not a cloud in the sky. Weather's funny that way.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Oh yeah, it's been steadily snowing literally all day. Everything's covered in about a foot of snow... and just a few days ago it was hot, clear and sunny, up in the 70s, with not a cloud in the sky. Weather's funny that way.

That's what it is like living in Colorado.

I need to start writing everything down again. I got out of the habit. Now that I'm on a new med, it's more important than ever. I *think* I took my gab. at around 10:30 and I was in bed by 11:30. I *think*.
I crashed hard and fast and had great, vivid dreams. My legs aren't keeping me up but that's lead to another unexpected side effect- I keep waking up because I DON'T move and my wrists hurt or my hands fall asleep that will eventually work itself out, but I do find it humorous

i've been waking up these last couple of days because I fiercely have to pee... even though I use the restroom before bed. Gab. is not known to be a diuretic so ???

My rave is that I feel awake and hungry. Don't know how long the awake feeling will be here, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts... maybe clean my room some (nah, that's too responsible and logical )
I also had a sex dream and actually had sex. No "wet dream" or anything, but it was still nice. Usually something always happens within the dream to interrupt such things.

A rant is that one of the other cats now loves my bedroom. The girls' cat, Pumpkin likes to chill on the floor with the dogs. She, too, is pregnant and about to pop. The girls were in denial for the longest time "She's not old enough... she's still just a baby". Um, no. She's about a year old. Any how, I kick all the animals out before I go to bed and she's been staying at my door, trying to open it and meowing her head off. She'll keep at it for 30 minutes straight, give up for a while and then tries again off and on. I have no idea what's so special about my room

Better eat something while I want to...