You're lonely and horny, I'm lonely and horny, don't spend Valentine's day alone - hook up with me!

**DreamBliss** · 02-08-2012 12:40 PM

This isn't a come-on line. No tactics or special maneuvers here. I'm not trying to "game" anyone. Just plain, in-your-face, honest-to-God, sincerity and truth.

If you're a single (not in a relationship) female between 18-40 years of age, with, as they say "little" or "no" "extra baggage", so say 175 pounds or less (what is the healthy weight of a 5'-6' female anyhow?), and want someone to spend Valentine's day with, and more so just want a few good nights of rowdy sex or gentle lovemaking, and finally if you live in the Vancouver/Camas/Washougal area, or have a car and can drive from cities further out, let's hook up! We can go to your place or my little upstairs room here (if you have your own apartment that would probably be better.)

I am not experienced, in the least, when it comes to dating or sex. In fact I am sexually inexperienced, but have been training myself in some sexual jiu-jitsu sans a partner. I am not married or engaged. I am not deranged in some capacity. I am a sensitive guy who, although he hates to admit it, does find himself caught in the sway of emotions. I am also flat broke, unemployed, without a job, so probably not your ideal for any sort of long-term relationship. I do love children and want to have my own someday. I also get along well with them, so if you happen to be a single mother that's no problem. I like to take walks, I'm affectionate (I love holding hands), I have no qualms about nudity, I like watching movies, I can sing (but you'll be hard pressed to get me to do so) I like to try new things, within reason. I'm most certainly not into bondage, but very interested in tantric sex, yoga, meditation and things like that. I am not controlling, more of a laid back, go-with-the-flow person, but will be assertive when needed.

I need to get some sleep so I'm gonna cut this off here. You can check my posts here to get a better idea of who I am. If you want to hook up PM me, or email me at dreambliss[at]rocketmail[dot]com, replacing the [at] and [dot] with the appropriate symbols. Be sure to provide a detailed subject line so I can find your message. I can give you the house number (I have no phone) on request if you want to talk to me and hear my voice. I will not give you a picture (I'm always very careful about protecting my identity), and you don't need to send me one. We can "blind date" this in a way. Just be sure you meet my requirements, OK? It'll be hard to get hard if, when we get naked, your physical body is, shall we say, less than appealing.

BTW I'm 6' tall (not in shoes) I have some extra baggage, weighing in at 235 pounds. I got bad teeth (not chew tobacco bad, my parents couldn't afford braces bad) but I'm told my face is "cute." Wish I were handsome, but I guess not everyone can be James Bond.

Looking forward to meeting, dating, and ahem... Exploring other things with you!
- DreamBliss

**Patrick** · 02-08-2012 12:45 PM

Wow... I like this... DV lonely hearts section?

Also, the words all women long to hear:

Just be sure you meet my requirements, OK? It'll be hard to get hard if, when we get naked, your physical body is, shall we say, less than appealing

**Seroquel** · 02-08-2012 12:50 PM

I've thought about making a thread like this lol. Looking for victims.

**Patrick** · 02-08-2012 12:59 PM

I also am looking for a single female, with no living parents or relatives, no close friends, no home, no job, completely untraceable, who would not be missed if she suddenly never returned from an impromptu trip up to Scotland.

PM me.

**MrMarley** · 02-08-2012 03:44 PM

LOL!
Hey, I hope this works out for you DreamBliss

**mooseantlers** · 02-08-2012 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by MrMarley

LOL!
Hey, I hope this works out for you DreamBliss

This site has made matches in the past

.

**Arra** · 02-08-2012 08:36 PM

The OP is phrased quite funnily. Sadly I doubt there will be any takers, but I hope you find somebody someday.

**Oneironaut Zero** · 02-08-2012 08:53 PM

Hahaha. I was actually thinking of posting something along the lines of "Since I don't have an official 'Valentine' for V-Day, I'm sending out a random, mass-invite to any single ladies who may want to hang out - maybe go catch a movie or go go-karting or something else fun. Any takers? Drop a message in my inbox," on my Facebook, just to see what would happen. Lol.

..then I realized I have to work on V-Day/Night.

Good luck, though, DreamBliss!

**Erii** · 02-08-2012 08:57 PM

**slayer** · 02-08-2012 09:01 PM

Get this and we'll talk.

**Original Poster** · 02-08-2012 09:57 PM

This has inspired me to make my own letter!

Dear lonely, horny, single ladies of DV,

While I know you're all dying to tap this, I have but one penis which can only be inserted into but one orifice at a time. This is a very unfortunate flaw of my gender, but until the multiple-penis mutation catches on it is a flaw that we must humbly work with.

That being said, if by chance on Valentines Day you are free and our consumerist culture has left you feeling sufficiently inadequate for not having all the emotional satisfaction of the main characters in perfume commercials, perhaps I can assist you by filling your day with a concoction of illusory romance and then later filling your vagina with a different concoction altogether (I am not liable for any side-effects including herpes, warts, syphilis, HIV or conception of the antichrist).

I'm not very picky. My only requirement is that you be a British Actress who starred as Hermione in the Harry Potter franchise. As long as you can meet this expectation, I will meet all of yours. If you cannot, then I'm afraid there will be a modest fee. I will require one Subway (eat fresh) Spicy Italian Footlong in me for every foot long of spicy Italian I put into you.

That being said, I'm quite handsome, a la Sloth from the Goonies, with charmingly grotesque disfigurements in every detail of my body certain to dampen the nether regions of even the most prudish of ladies (most likely due to incontinence as a result of extreme shock). If James Bond fucked an Oompa Loompa and that Oompa Loompa fucked a pile of shit... you're still out of the radar of this devastating beast. But apart from being some supreme eye-candy, I am also an excellent sexual instrument. I train nearly every free moment of my life at proper penetration, and though I train using my hand I assume it's like exactly the same. I have mastered various sexual techniques, not only with my right hand but also my left. These include and are also limited to sitting, standing and lying down.

Please, don't crowd, you can PM me your details and I will respond just as soon as I finish the next session of my latest intensive training regiment.

I'm looking forward to our encounter if you meet the requirements, otherwise be sure to bring the sandwich in advance
-Omnis Dei

**Arra** · 02-08-2012 10:03 PM

That was GREAT. This thread has provoked some hilarious parodies.

**mooseantlers** · 02-09-2012 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by slayer

Get this and we'll talk.

Well it'd be a cat boy, check dream bliss's gender sign.

**SpaceCowboyDave** · 02-09-2012 12:19 AM

I'm trying to find an eye roll smiley but I can't find one so this will have to suffice.

Yes, the internet is full the sexiest horny women just looking for sex with you...

**nito89** · 02-09-2012 01:57 AM

Lol, and the lol is mainly cause I read the first post and instantly though "why did I not think of that?" but alas.... Forever alone.

**slayer** · 02-09-2012 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by mooseantlers

Well it'd be a cat boy, check dream bliss's gender sign.

The post wasn't toward him.

It was toward any female member of DV.

**DreamBliss** · 02-09-2012 11:29 AM

Well that was an interesting read I must say!

Omnis Dei, I managed to swim to the surface of your ocean of sarcasm, furiously treading water to keep myself from drowning in it. I have to say that you really should take your act on the road! I don't think I've seen that much cheese since the last time I visited the Tilamook factory!

slayer I love cats, but alas I can not find those ears anywhere and according to your gender sign you are male, so I fear that you would certainly be unappealing to me naked, despite how muscular (or hairy) your chest may be! I'm afraid it's just not meant to be. Thankfully there are a lot of cat-loving woman, especially in Japan cosplay arenas, who would be absolutely thrilled to go out with you! I will be sure to hook you up if I should find one. I'm sure the two of you would have a purrrrfectly lovely time!

Erii... They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I think yours might have been worth a few hundred thousand more than that. I remember that scene too - awesome! Same goes to you Dave1701, although I have to say I really did like Erii's better... No, wait a minute! That didn't come out quite right...

Looks like Erii is the only female to post so far. Otherwise this thread would have more sausage than Octoberfest or whatever they call that special holiday in Germany... Thanks for the laugh guys (and girl)! To my fellow fellas - guys one thing I have learned in my limited experience is that the opposite sex on an institcual level want a guy to be confident. So I would not advise posting about how you would have done this or that, or wish you did, etc. It probably doesn't display the level of confidence you want. Just a tip...

My offer still stands. I have to check my PM box and e-mail, but so far no takers. Not worried about that though. I figure why not try it, and if I am to hook up with someone I will. No attachment, no aversion. No fear. Just sit back, enjoy the ride, and wait.

Sometimes the fish gladly jump out of the water to the fisherman. Why wouldn't they want to be a part of such a fearlessly alive soul!

That was my Rumi-esque saying of the day...
- DreamBliss

**DreamBliss** · 02-09-2012 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by Dianeva

The OP is phrased quite funnily. Sadly I doubt there will be any takers, but I hope you find somebody someday.

Excuse me for a moment here, but how exactly should I have phrased something like this? Is there a manual for this sort of thing? A book? A YouTube video? Please post a link!

Perhaps this will help you understand why this post may sound odd. I'm an introvert, throwing off my shell, strutting around, everything laid bare, forcing myself to act extroverted. I'm also a little weird by nature, and I have a unique way of writing and speaking, as well as a strange sense of humor, as these posts should have demonstrated.

That said I am certainly open to advice on a better way to say, "Let's youknowwhat!"

DreamBliss

**khh** · 02-09-2012 01:20 PM

I didn't even remember that Valentines day was coming up until I read this thread...

**OctoberWind** · 02-09-2012 02:04 PM

xD
If I were ten years older, maybe then we could talk.

ps- ^__^yay, I'm not the only person who enjoys dressing up as a kitty (or having others dress up as cats)

**nina** · 02-09-2012 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by nito89

Lol, and the lol is mainly cause I read the first post and instantly though "why did I not think of that?" but alas.... Forever alone.

Can I be your valentine nito?

**ShadowOfSelf** · 02-09-2012 03:41 PM

**Patrick** · 02-09-2012 04:19 PM

Wow, after reading DreamBliss's second post I'm just wondering how any woman here can be resisting him right now. I mean, he obviously knows what women want.

**♥Mark** · 02-09-2012 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by DreamBliss

Sometimes the fish gladly jump out of the water to the fisherman. Why wouldn't they want to be a part of such a fearlessly alive soul!

I don't understand this at all. I always thought fish jumped onto boats by accident because they're idiots and didn't know they would die..?

**MrMarley** · 02-09-2012 06:27 PM

On a serious note here, go to a dating site, you've got a much higher chance finding a girl there, albeit after 20+ first dates that all rejected you upon seeing your face (joke), or.. hey! you could find your soulmate on the first date. With your attitude though, I think you'd have success with a dating site, and all the lonely horny women are in season now, ripe for the picking. Good luck?