Originally Posted by Omnis Dei
You're acting like someone in an open relationship is attracted to a different type of relationship than someone into a monogamous one. They're not. It's the same type of person, not someone with a weird sexual fetish where they get off on watching their partner do it with other people. That has nothing to do with it.
Please don't try to pretend that I am being degrading towards open relationships. I perfectly understand what it is, and I have nowhere in my posts indicated that what you just wrote was what I understood as an open relationship.
All the same love is involved, all the same trust, it just goes further, into unconditional love. Someone with enough trust in their partner to set their partner free of the confines of a monogamous relationship is more mature than someone who is not as willing.
But how can you say that? How can you know that? Maturity isn't something that you measure on a scale. Maturity has nothing to do with this. This has to do with preferences. For you, it makes you feel better, that you can allow your loved one to love others. You feel like a better person for having that capacity.
You're acting like the majority of relationships do not involve possessiveness when they do. Let me ask you something, if your partner left you tomorrow how would you feel? Would you feel empty? Like a void opened up again that was being filled by your partner? Polyamory reminds you never to get comfortable with the feeling of possession, to always seek to be happy and complete as an individual and from there giving and receiving love freely and unconditionally, whether that's with one person or more than one. The vast majority of relationships I encountered which appear healthy are still based upon a basic agreement not to trigger each other's jealousy. Whether or not you actually practice polyamory does not invalidate the only single point I have tried to make this entire thread, jealousy is your problem caused by your own insecurity, it is not a justified feature of a relationship.
As I explained earlier, in a relationship, I want to be everything that person needs. I want to feel adequate, that I enrich that person's life, and I want that to be mutual. If I suddenly stop being adequate, I become jealous, because I am suddenly not enough anymore, I am not good enough for that person. And that makes me sad, jealous.
If my partner left me, I would feel sad. I would feel like a part of what defines me has left me, because that person was indeed a part of my life. I cannot imagine how you would move away from these feelings in a relationship, without a lot of sacrifice, sacrifices that I wouldn't be willing to accept.
Take me personally. I don't like fucking around on a girl, I don't want to hurt her or make her feel jealous or anything. All I want to is to care and love her as much as I am possibly able to. I was never the type of guy to screw around, I'm not any more suited for a polyamorous relationship than anyone else. I simply grew to learn that the standard relationship I was interested in was based upon my insecurity, and that I only hurt myself by using another person to be feel good about myself.
I moved this to the bottom of the post, because I felt it was the most important part of your post.
From what you are saying, it is very understandable that you see your self as a more developed/mature person, because you initially saw your stance towards relationships as a weakness, something that was worse. Personally, I think it's just as mature to accept this insecurity as a part of you and not an insecurity, rather than struggling with it, in order to prove to yourself that you are a better person. You are laying down arbitrary lines and criteria that you want to attain. Your premise is that reaching these criteria and living by them, makes you a better person, a more mature person. This is, in my opinion, a bad way to go about your life and understanding and developing your own personality. Again, I draw lines to bisexuality and homo/heterosexuality. Bisexuality is, by your line of thought, a more mature orientation. I don't agree with that.
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