It's long, but please help.

I am only 16 in a few days, but already is lucid dreaming not a big deal any more, which is why I don't wake up too soon from them. They have turned into what seems like the longest dreams of my life. Lately, I have been unable to have normal dreams. It's like a phase when you keep thinking of the same thing whether you want it or not, or constantly humming a song you don't like, or forcing yourself to do something pointless, like when you decide to do something just 'to do it', like suddenly scream in the classroom. Don't think this is something I do, I don't have Tourettes or anything. ANYWAY, this is what happens in my dreams, I can't not think about what I don't want to think about. Like the way you think: "I have to concentrate on not thinking about a horrible, deformed monster coming from behind right now," and it appears. Almost all my dreams turn lucid sooner or later (it could also be that I only remember the lucid ones, but it's still a problem).

I've experienced most things in dreams. My dreams turn scarier every night. Tonight I couldn't sleep because of the holidays having me usually stay up until 5 in the morning. Today was school, but when I woke up from this, I didn't feel that I was able to go. Everything was scary. Even completely normal things, like walking through a house or talking to someone I know, is depressing or scary. I don't really read about dreaming on line, although I read about lucid dreaming before I started doing it. I read a list of negative claims about them, like: *negative claim* > *"real", positive comeback*

One of these claims was: "You might not be able to have normal dreams any more." Obviously, there was some bullshit response about even "experts" being lucky if they have 1 or 2 lucid dreams a week. Well, lucky experts.

A series of events caused my penis to grow weird, skin-colored pieces of wood with those sharp things on the end, those that will become longer twigs with leaves on them in a few years. Hard to explain.

Also, as I explained, I rarely read about LD online. Which is why I had never heard of "do not look in a dream mirror". Oh God, I wish I didn't. I am scarred for life of the deformed monster I saw. There are no words. I have an imagination wilder than Dante's. "Deformed" doesn't really explain it. I'm sorry to tell those who read this who have never looked in a dream mirror, because sometimes you don't have a choice but to do what you fear in dreams. NEVER look in a dream mirror. Horror movies aren't scary. Dreams are. And I have never been more of a nerve wrack. In my case, real life is a happy place while dreams, which I used to love, is hell, where everything, no matter how normal, horrifies me more than words can describe. Before you tell me to "keep looking at the image in the mirror", I can't, because each second is worse than watching my family die.

And the weird thing is, REM sleep lasts for about 20 minutes depending on how long you've slept. This dream was one long, depressing dream. I would wake up after a long time of dreaming, then fall asleep, back to the dream again, but there were no breaks as I can remember. I never lost my lucidity. If you know you are dreaming, can you at "will" keep the dream going, even if the REM period would normally be over?

I don't have nightmares when sleeping at day time, but I can't do that, I would fuck up my grades at school which are very good.

Does anyone feel the same?