Maybe it's a dream about fear of change, and accepting it?
I wish Maynard would sing to me. Though... that actually might be terrifying now that I think about it. not really, it was beautiful, but what he was saying was actually quite personal and critical of me, I do believe. I've had a lucid of just plain Maynard's head once. I summoned him and he freaked me the fuck out. Like he knew I had called him and he was annoyed with me. lol.
I wish Maynard would sing to me. Though... that actually might be terrifying now that I think about it.
Thank you. I appreciate your comments either way. It doesn't make me feel so alone. I hate saying that because I love my friends on DV but there's just a hole they can't fill. Internet relationships only go so far. Either way, it's totally better than having nobody at all. I feel ya with the exams, by the way. so ready for summer.
Maybe you could hire a babysitter for your son? You know...so you can take a walk somewhere and relax, and just breathe, and just feel like you're alive. I'm sorry that you can't find someone reliable for comfort, I'm sort of in the same situation with my father as well. I know he wants what's best for me, but I don't see him as a fatherly figure anymore, it's always me trying to do my best so he won't be disappointed in how I'm doing in college. Even now with exams, I'm worried about failing, even though I know I'm going to pass my classes ( I think). I know these words won't help you, but as a DV member, bless your soul. I wish I could help, but even I have to realize what I can and cannot do.
Thanks. Just feeling super lonely and depressed right now. I bawled earlier and I don't know exactly the reason. I just know a bunch of feelings came up at once and my chest was heavy and Im just fucking sad. I hate it. It started with seeing her. I just spend way too much time inside my house, not able to go anywhere really to enjoy myself because my son isn't easy to take places. Husband works all day and I just don't feel like I was supposed to be living like this. No family close enough, no real friends that I see and talk to everyday. Nobody I can even really call in the worst of times. I always end up calling my mother but even then I'm very hesitant on. She just... I don't know. Nobody can supply any comfort for me. I don't know what I want. Now I'm rambling. Just FUCKING sad. I don't know.
The feeling of solitude, I've had to deal with that most of my time in High School, even now in college. It's probably just me lacking self-esteem, but being alone most of the time allowed me to think more, and it's helped me become more aware of the people around me. Maybe she's going through some rough times herself, and probably doesn't want you to worry about her, who knows? :/ If you see it happen frequently, I believe you should move on, you don't deserve that kind of disrespect, especially if you know that you're respectful to her, there's no use for her to suddenly avoid you like that without a good reason. If she wants to go down the path of degrading herself like that with a a harmful substance, I don't think she's worth your time, you want what's best for your child, and you wouldn't want to do something like that to harm her/him. You're thoughtful of the other person, and you just want to see them be healthy and happy. Anyway, I'm sorry if I intruded you like this. It's just that I see you're very strong and thoughtful of others, even when going through rough times. You'll be a good mother for your children.
I really like the snowflake thing, that sounds like a fun experience.
Ha. I know exactly what you mean. You wake up and are like FUUUUUUCK.
Yeah, most of my lucids are pretty unstable, I don't think I'd really be able to pull it off yet either. One time I managed to get ridiculous clarity and vividness that I probably could've done something with but I was too shocked to think about it before the dream ended. I actually spent the entire time trying to decide whether or not I actually was dreaming because I was outside on our back porch and it felt so real that I just wasn't sure.
The first time it ever happened it disturbed me so bad, I thought I was fucked up in the head, maybe, for wanting to have sex. That was a long time ago, lol. It's like the DC knows you're taking advantage of them. I've read in either the LD book by Stephen LaBerge, or it could've been on the forum, that it's common for stuff like that to happen when you rush into it. I'm not exactly an avid lucid dreamer, so I can see why I have so much trouble getting laid in my dreams.
Sounds like fun, too bad you didn't get to have sex. I haven't tried it in a lucid yet (almost got to last night :T) but I've heard that you really do have to focus a lot of your attention on the DC you're having sex with and not just the fact that you're having sex or that it feels good, if you don't want them to deform or mutate anyway.
My dream self and I don't get along during classes. She wants me all to herself or nothing apparently.
Well, what if you would use these lucid dreams to revise your study material? It's been proven that imprints had in dreams tend to stay with us, and answers have been found, and solutions to problems, so.. ..give that a shot? Maybe your dreamself will be less annoyed?
Thanks for the thoughts. What I meant by "playing along" was that I feel more lucid than I normally feel. I know in the back of my mind that I can change it at any point, but I'm just letting the dream guide me, and having fun, really. And I actually enjoyed the anger when I think back on it. It gives me a good laugh. The past dozen times that I've been threatened in my dreams, whether lucid or not, I seem to become some kind of angry animal. It's just so instinctive. I love it, because it makes me feel confident when I wake up; makes me feel like I can take care of me and my son. I'm ranting on now, but I want to share my connection between my animalistic behavior in my dreams and in my life. For the past several months, I've had a growing fear of the world ending. Before I had my son, I never cared. If the world ended, then that was that. I didn't feel fear for it much either. Now that I have my son and I start to think about, you know, what if something "apocalyptic" did strike? Whether on a small or large scale, would I be able to protect him? From zombies? From the earth splitting into two? Aliens? lol I know it's irrational and something that's pretty much out of my control, but I always wonder what the hell I would do with my son. I've had more apocalyptic dreams in the last year than I can ever remember having. In my dream I feel like I am growing from fear and running, to actually doing something about it. <<<<<<<<<<<<< or maybe I'm stoned O.O and rambling.
I think everyone feels as if they are just playing along when they recall their dreams. You are just starting to remember your dreams more and more, so you feel that even more now and that sense of blurriness in your recall is starting to go away. Unless you specifically question whether it is a dream or not, your mind doesn't think about it until you start to recall it after you have woken up. Although, I could always be wrong. About the choking of big foot, I don't think it's anything to be worried about. Emotions are even stronger in dreams than they are in real life (I know there is an article somewhere on DV that explains why this is, although I can't seem to find it now). You were scared and upset, I'm not surprised that you lashed out and killed them. -Lemons
I'm the same way, I could NOT go back to sleep this morning. All I could think about was water lol
Drunken sleep always has some interesting things when it comes to dreams. Almost every morning when I wake up with a hangover, I can never fall asleep for like an hour. Then comes the unintentional hangover induced SP, and sometimes LDs. xD
lol chriss, thats weird dream , i also get rly weird dreams after being DRUNK Believe me !
lol glad to make you giggle
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