The Nomad Chronicles

I am Wolverine. I am tracking the Devil through the North American wilderness in the dead of winter. I find the Devil bending down to drink water from a half frozen stream.

I'VE GOT YOU, YOU BASTARD. I leap upon him, and slice him.

GAH!

The devil turns into peppermint patties, and runs away. WTF.

I chase him. He tosses chocolate flowers behind himself, laughing his head off. He turns the world to chocolate.

Oh, you bastard!

I leap upon him again, but this time I take a huge bite.

GAH!

You taste like a giant frozen peppermint patty. WTF.

Everyone knows Ol' Uncle Sneak tastes like Salt and Pettermint Patties!

dream diverge

Dream 1

The devil turns into an orange chocolate giant koi and swims away. I ride on his back, and take bites of him. I ride him to Perelandra.

Dream 2

The devil turns into chocolate covered salt. I take a bite. I almost puke. I cough and cough.

He turns the world into salt. SHIT.

It starts to rain.

THE FLOOD IS COMING BOY. GOD HATES YOU. NOW YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. PAN WON'T SAVE YOU NOW.

But, you are Pan!

I know. Just kidding. I am on the Biodome. Pan has joined us there. WHAT THE FUCK. He grins and turns into a tree.

I see a whole bunch of dreamers wandering around. I don't know a lot of them. They keep asking me questions. I tell them to ask their dream guides who are hovering right there.

Pan sticks his face out of his tree self.

BOO!

They run away.

I see other dreamers I know. MoSh, Raven, Tigress, Loaf, Walms, moglycdb, Cacophony, Aquanina, and AndresLD. KingYoshi is looking at my Living House, smoking a huge joint.

Pan steps out of the tree. Everyone starts to run, then, they stop and turn, as if in a trance. Pan shoots wooden astral tentacles at them, and touches their third eyes. Their eyes bug out, and they mumble unintentionally.

WHATTHE HELL ARE YOU DOING.

It's just a download. Want one?

Uh... Sure.

I let him download into me.

He shows me the history of Urth parallelling Earth.

I learn is the parallel Earth on the Dream Plane, but what happens there actually has a greater effect on Earth, than Earth has on Urth, due to increased interconnectedness on that plane.

I devise a way to take over the world from Urth. I am Jesus. The devil is asking me to jump off the temple and kill myself. I jump off. I don't die. "Doesn't count!" The Devil/Pan calls down. "You didn't die."

"You asshole! The Son of God is immortal!"

Pan jumps off the Temple. "So am I."

"The Son of God or immortal?"

"Both."

We start laughing, and he punches me in the face. Suddenly my head is watching Search for The Holy Grail. Where am I? In the movie? Watching it? Halfway in between?

ACK! fUCK THAT RABBIT!

I unload a fifty cal machine gun into the rabbit. It turns into a giant rabbit monster, and eats me.

I AM IMMORTAL YOU ASSHOLE. I WILL WEAR YOUR SKIN LIKE A SUIT.

I turn into bacteria, and eat the monster rabbit's flesh from the inside, leaving only skin. I wear the rabbit's bloody skin like a suit. I toss bloody eggs on fire at the wizard.

And that, children is where Easter comes from.

The Easter Bunny is WakingNomad/Jesus in a bloody bunny skin.