The Nomad Chronicles

My wife and I are walking down the sidewalk in a generic Honolulu. She is remarking how my posture is improving, then laughs about how her abusive ex-boyfriend would hunch over and look like Gollum. We turn into a local drugstore, Longs, and there he is in a space between a cashier's counter, and a rack of stuff. He is hunched over looking very Gollum-ish. I want to walk past him to get to where I am going. I consider turning around, but said in my head, "Fuck it. If he fucks with me, I'll just kick his ass."
He sees us and makes a "oh-it's-you-two-assholes", kind of a face. As I get closer, he sticks his leg out as if to trip me. I simply stop walking and look at him. He lunges at me, a kind of tackle/grab attack, and I engage tai chi. I block and sidestep, grabbing his arm and shoulder, redirecting his energy into the cashier's counter. He hits his head on the counter, and stands up, shaking it off. He charges me, and I allow him to run smack into a rack of hairbrushes. He grunts in frustration and, turns to me again. He tries to weakly kick me. I see it coming from miles away. Perceiving the weakness of the kick, I simply stand there and do nothing. When the kick lands, I chuckle in mild amusement.
He grunts again, then kind of screams and lunges at me again. I again engage tai chi, and let him do a chin plant on the floor. Now that the onlookers have seen I am not the attacker, I decide it's time for me to reciprocate attacking. Time for some fucking Hawaiian street fighting. I leap upon his back with a primal growl as he stands up like a savage beast, and triangle choke him, wrapping my legs around his torso to weigh him down. He stumbles forward, and makes it out of the drugstore, then collapses on the sidewalk in front of the store, trying to get me off of his back. He is on his hands and knees know, coughing and sputtering. I alter position, sitting upon his lower back, and choking him with my hands from behind.
"This is what you get, this is what you deserve motherfucker," I think without saying. I think my actions speak loud enough. I grin evilly, then awake with a smile on my face.