lucid

Night of November 5, 1984. Monday. (To morning of November 6.)



As some of this one facet of a small part of my lifelong “story” involves hundreds of pages, I will include only basic information here, and a copy of Zsuzsanna’s journal page from when she was much younger and written long before we made real contact (though at the time of this dream). There are many more entries both already online and not yet posted anywhere that add hundreds more unexplainable layers that prove (for me) dreams are often a composite of precognition and remote viewing and there is absolutely no one that could convince me otherwise, especially twenty years on in a blissful, sensuous and spiritual marriage and with healthy children (though I do understand how there are deceitful people that, for whatever reason, are somehow against marriage and family and who sadly deny love itself - you the reader have likely seen it yourself many times - they are very good at pretending and creating fabricated drama).

There were earlier “prototypes” and precursors for this dream, and there were many that implied the eventual “battle” between Susan R and the “mystery girl”, this still being years before it was confirmed that hundreds of my childhood dreams implemented more precise precognition and remote viewing, which has turned out for me to be what dreams mainly are. The “mystery girl” dreams were all precognitive; they not only “introduced” me to my soulmate before she was born, they revealed every minute detail from the unlikely accent and cultural mix, to birthplace (exactly inverted to my birth place) from directly across the ocean (as shown in other entries).

Before the Blue Pearl (or “blue flame” or Merkaba) was more dominant in my perception, I saw it in Susan R. My first dream where I “ended up” with the “mystery girl” in an implied marriage would not be accepted as truth by most, due to it having elements of maturity for me at the age of eight (I am never in a mood to debate so I will not go into it). It was validated many times that Brenda W was the wife-to-be “stand-in”, which was validated again in 1991 just prior to real contact with my wife-to-be (and involving the “blue sun”).

My main castle dream implied a battle between Susan R and the “mystery girl” (who looked exactly like my wife-to-be in every way and with the same mixed heritage and same intriguing mixed Romani/Hungarian/Australian accent). The castle was implied to be beyond the area (at the end of the hanging bridge) where the “Bridge Over a Prehistoric World” dream took place - which started with watching Susan R (a transparent “blue egg” around her) leave me and ended with me hugging my wife-to-be archetype. The castle exists high in the sky, on a floating small hill, but only of partial land area, with plant roots hanging down from underneath. It seems to be “another realm” with a different “speed” of time (hard to explain). I get the clear impression that the castle stays only in areas where night exists.

The castle also has areas of temple-like rooms as well as oddly modern neon lights in some areas (almost like a discotheque). It is very vivid. Some lights are too bright to directly look at. I do look over the edge of the floating hill at one point, and see the view as if from an airplane flying very high; I see the lights of a larger city far below, barely perceptible at times. Susan R seems oddly upset at looking at her own reflection (though I eventually discover that is not what she is looking at in the mirror). She frustratingly yells “get out” at the mirror, which seems odd to me though reminds me strongly of the scene from “Fear No Evil”, first seen March 3, 1969.

My mental “connection” to Susan is broken (there were events prior to this which I do not recall). The “mystery girl”, wearing a black dress and a diamond necklace and some sort of unusual swept-back “crown”, emerges from the mirror, quite royal-looking, with glowing green catlike eyes and quite precise, sensual motions. I am amazed by her beauty. It is her. “Queen of the Gypsies”. Well, at least a dazzling princess. Orange-tinted skin. I even detect a trace of Aboriginal Australian.

From here, the two girls fight in an epic battle of screeching voices and incredibly intense and eerie screeching wind. They are arguing about me, my purpose, my birth, where I should live, and who I “belong to”. I believe the “mystery girl” is “screeching” and “whistling” the loudest and affirming that I am hers. It is very strange to hear this - like the wind itself “arguing” with itself, like lightning bolts “wriggling” against each other, like clouds trying to “strangle” each other. The Merkaba appears to be spinning out of control for a time sort of knocking into each girl’s silhouette for a time. The voices reach a point where they are not human-sounding at all in any way.

One of them falls to the ground far below, eventually, but I am not sure who; I only see her silhouette falling, back first with arms out. I think I have had enough commotion, so I turn to leave…almost finding my way out before someone behind me asks “Where are you going? You cannot go alone”. I am not alarmed but I do not see her directly. I only see her shadow on the wall. I wake.

This “battle” and long-term outcome (as some already know) could not have taken place solely within my own dreams, but could only have happened in a collective sense (in the supraconscious perhaps) or “another plane” of reality. There have been a number of dreams where I eventually was absolutely sure of this and there is not the slightest evidence to the contrary. What is also interesting is that my wife also loosely describes the Barbara Steele movie I was fascinated by as a young child and it remains a favorite movie (1964’s “Danse Macabre” aka “Castle of Blood” aka “Castle of Terror”) yet she had never heard of it or seen it. In a way, this dream is actually a “replay” of some aspects of it.

There were other dreams involving Susan R and the “mystery girl” (wife-to-be) within the same setting or relative to one event or another. I do not know the dynamics behind this, as I had never contacted Susan after high school. (In fact, she is the only one I have never been able to contact or find out more about out of all my classmates through all school years. I did hear she was married, though. Another girl with her same full name, unrelated I believe, married someone with my name - and my surname is not very common at all.)

My wife Zsuzsanna’s older poem from her teenage years follows in text - which implies another layer of reality and which matches my dream above as well as being from the same time period (do not forget the thousands of other facts that confirmed the “mystery girl’s” identity many years before I met her).

A castle on the hill

gleaming lights and flights of stairs

running through the corridors

looking for the door

it’s a mystery where are you going

you cannot go alone

for there is something eerie

watching the lights fade away

then all I heard was a shout

a voice pleading to get out

it’s a mystery where will I go

I cannot go alone

A mystery in the castle

A mystery of neon lights

A mystery of you and me

A mystery the facts of love

Night of September 23, 1984. Sunday.



Of all the continuous unexplained events throughout my life, this is perhaps one of the strangest, as well as “deepest” relative to clear memory - in that there is no doubt of my experience and perspective at the time, no matter how “impossible” it seems.

The basic nature of this event is as follows…I had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room on Loomis Street. My brother-in-law Bob was set to watch “Hardcastle and McCormick” (the first episode of the second season, “Outlaw Champion” - neither of us had seen the episode before). I was falling asleep at the time he was maneuvering to the correct channel. In my dream state, I heard the entire dialogue and sound of the show for the hour that seemingly followed, including the commercials. It did not stop there, though. The episode repeated in its entirety and was starting to get monotonous as I had already heard it (and seen parts of it seemingly through half-closed eyes). When the episode came on again for the third time, I was extremely frustrated and wondered what was going on. I was in an odd state of consciousness, with a clearer sense of false awakenings than usual. I was certain that three hours had passed and that it was near ten o'clock.

At some points, there were distortions. One distortion was that the name of the show became “Hardcastle and Rock”. In fact, this distortion was so dominating, I actually misremembered this is the “real” name a few years later and even wrote it as such in much later journal references (without looking back on older entries - bear in mind that much of my dream journal and dream work is now on larger-capacity flash drives with fully searchable terms and references, going back to when I was born).

During this extraordinarily boring time of “seeing” (or at least hearing) the same episode three times in a row there were unusual distortions where lucid dream states seemed to “interfere” with the continuity, but oddly, it continued correctly when “going back” rather than having a gap in what I was hearing. The main lucid dreams, which were more vivid than usual, were of being in the small yard at the front of the house and seeing the shadowy silhouette of the “mystery girl”, seemingly a teenager, standing closer to the left side of the front of the house. There is seeming mental contact and a “knowledge” that I will be with her within about ten years or so. This seems too long to wait, especially with this television show repeating over and over. She seems tentative, a bit shy to approach me, and remains about six feet away in the semidarkness of the evening (it seems much later at night in my dream than it actually is in reality, and again, it seemed that about three hours had passed in the final section of this dream scenario). Typically in dreams of this extreme lucidity, I “play with” my own shadow for a time (which I believe is the wakeful conscious mind as seen by my dream self), though this time the shadow is actually the female and I do not see her as “me” at all (though perhaps the “missing part” of me), thus I do not indulge in the shadow play. I am fully aware of her being a separate consciousness somehow and the form of “true love”.

I eventually start to silently question why in the world my brother-in-law would watch the show three times in a row (instead of more logically thinking about the extreme unlikelihood of why they would air it three times in a row in the first place).

When I eventually wake…the show is only just starting in reality, still showing the opening - so I hear (and this time see more of) the show for the fourth time - with more conscious focus. I had a hard time trying to work out how this had happened, especially as I had already (and correctly) seen it three times in my dream state. I was not really disoriented, just slightly annoyed at yet again experiencing something no one would believe, otherwise the very “normal” (and unproblematic) day to day nature of my lifetime since birth. I get an idea relating to other entities “tampering” with time, which may or may not directly relate to the “mystery girl”. Still, I shortly disregard it as something not that unusual (at least for me).

As I had, to my knowledge, only experienced this more lucid “looping” effect once in my life in this particular way, it seems like a rare potential. However, in all honesty, it is not really all that different from the typical precognitive/remote viewing hybrids experienced all the time, other than that there was more clarity and focus (especially in audio), and for a seeming extended time period (far longer than usual, when, however, it could not have been more than a couple minutes even though my dream’s fully in-body sections with the “mystery girl” seemed to be about twenty minutes long, as well as including the “three hours” of the repeating show). With all the other virtually endless precognitive and remote viewing experiences, there was never the residual sense of literally “repeating time” as with this event (typical “repeating” or “reset” dreams did not share this awareness at all, for some reason).

This also matches my wife’s experiences to some extent in seeking “the one who was meant for her” especially as the “mystery girl” was exactly like her in every way, including being the correct age for this particular dream (even the unlikely ethnicity combination and accent). She wrote to me in real life in 1991 at the same address as this dream occurred.

There are additional strange coincidences too personal to relate here.

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Morning of April 9, 1984. Monday.



I was in bed, listening to The Alan Parsons Project’s “Tales of Mystery and Imagination: Edgar Allan Poe”. I imagined the imagery and detail. It was one of my favorite cassettes of the time, along with their “I Robot” album.

In one vivid dream of the “mystery girl”, the petite Persian Hungarian gypsy girl from Australia (with a curious mixed accent) with the beautiful green eyes and dark curly hair, there is a storm coming; a large tornado. This, for whatever reason, does not concern me all that much.

As the tornado gets closer, I do feel a slight wariness. The tornado is the lower half of the Merkaba in dreams, and at other levels, is the unknown future or “destiny” if you will. On another level it is the energies of the supraconscious (Universal Mind) in connecting with other levels of consciousness as perceived by the conscious mind; that is, other “realms” of mind and supraconscious exchanging energies as a new force as with a cold front meeting a warm front in causing wind and stormy weather. As I am at least partly lucid, I am not worried about being killed. Once I step into the tornado I see a beautiful young girl and recognize her as my “dream girl”. She leans back on a bed and as I approach her (in this case, I somehow see myself approaching her) there is a sense of wholeness. It is almost as if I rose above the tornado and looked down into it, where everything was clear and blue, a circular portal; an image of fulfillment.

In a dream within a dream, I am seemingly Edgar Allan Poe in a way. My dream journals are so extensive that I have indexes within indexes, often copied to new journals with additional important observations and notes added. A raven wants to be fed stale undercooked hamburger, which it seems to like more than bologna or canned fish. I seem to receive a very important “warning” related to not allowing “ordinary” people to influence me in any way and not allow them to “interpret” not only my dreams, but even ideas I develop over time out of life experiences. I sensed an unusual idea that other people one day, around the world, would see a small part of my childhood dream work as well as other writing. Of course, this seemed like a preposterous idea. How could one just “show their dreams on television for others to watch” whenever they felt like it? Perhaps the advancements of computers could achieve this? Likely far too expensive for the average person to ever be feasible…

One person said that the tornado was related to my “mental turmoil” (though I had less “turmoil” than others I knew) over my pretense that I would be married to a beautiful girl and have children within ten years or so. The raven was perhaps a burden, it was claimed, a “shadowy presence” representing despair, “a shadow hanging over me”. However, in my dreams, my two youngest “fictional” children learn from the raven, which speaks to them of the patterns of life and nature. I supposed other people would have been happy over me never marrying who I considered the most beautiful girl on Earth in another country. People in general have mostly only “cop outs” to share, “cop outs” which never have any value, except in learning and knowing what not to do or what not to believe from others or society as a whole.

Years later, in real life, after I married my dream girl, “our” raven sat on my chair watching me type on my computer. My two healthy and loving children enjoyed having a raven in the house for a few weeks until I decided it was fully healed (from a non-fatal dog attack) enough to fly on its own. It still came back and said “hi” now and then…but there was one time at the computer, when I reached behind me to give it a piece of raw stale hamburger and gave it a pat that I thought of the potential for the majority of “ordinary” human beings to ever accept the truth…or in fact, have any credibility at all. I almost thought I heard the raven quote (deep in the recesses of my mind) “nevermore”.

Morning of February 9, 1983. Wednesday.



It is up to the individual dreamer to “decode” every precise clue that either the Universal Mind or Merkaba vehicle (experienced when awake as a blue flash in the left eye) gives them based on layering everything he or she sees into personal mythology to eventually “live the dream” so to speak, with one’s partner, together as Yin and Yang incarnate rather than just personal ascension (of which needs to come before the twin soul union). Everything in existence must be used correctly and confirmed, with no room for doubt or “interference” from the unenlightened or uniformed. In my case, I did not know it would all turn out so literal, almost like a grand comedy. (For example, even my wife’s step father’s name is “Davy Jones”, the “real” mermaid’s father. Hilarious.)

This dream transition (the Eurythmics songs being the catalyst) started in February 9th of 1983 (what I would call the “prototype” or “birth” of this dream scenario), February 9th also being the date I came to Australia (in 1994, exactly eleven years later). Although my real “mystery girl’s” name was “known” as either Savannah or variations of Susannah when very young, the name Jennifer in this case stands for the shape-shifter or mermaid form. In fact, “Jennie Haniver” actually is a faux mermaid created from skeletal sea life remains. (One of our youngest daughter’s middle names is Revinah, which is “Haniver” in reverse; a bit of trivia for relentless clue-seekers.)

Most versions of this dream (both in their lucid and non-lucid forms) were quite epic and would be too long to address the variations in one entry. It also seemed to be a direct continuation of my “Reptilian Girl” dream (from February 9th, 1977 - once again the same date but years apart) which even correctly rendered the scar on my wife-to-be’s wrist in real life before I met her; hers is the same distance from the bottom of the palm as mine and amusingly seems like the “continuation” of my own larger scar (near-fatal accident from age two) when our arms are held together.

Mostly, the scenario is based on the statue at the La Crosse public library coming to life and assuming the form of my wife-to-be (whom I first made real contact with in March of 1991). This bronze statue (known as “Reflections III”, which was also the name of a novel my wife-to-be had been working on, including being the third written form) is described as follows: “This piece was donated in 1979 by Dr. Adolph Gundersen. It depicts a young woman resting on top of a carved base which was designed as an integral part of the sculpture. The figure and the base create ‘complementary negative images and contradicting planes’ in the words of the artist. The title is intentionally ambiguous, referring to reflections of the figure in the base, reflections in the pool of water before it, and the intellectual process of reflecting upon an idea.”

My “mystery girl” and I are intimate (and most of my dream scenes take place at night, where she eventually becomes the “Reflections III” statue “again” before dawn). At times, “normal” people seem to be aware or come to learn of her existence (though there are those who deny her existence, as with Jennie in “The Bermuda Depths”, much to their later misfortune). At one point, she becomes a shark and devours people who are pursuing me. At another point, she becomes a black panther (related to my own becoming a black panther in dreams of the night of April 9, 1982 into the next morning, but of an unusual “reshaping” in which in my dream, I become a black panther and catch and eat a rabbit, though in this dream, she is a black panther and actually transforms into a rabbit as she is running, all this inspired directly from a scene from “Cat People” seen on the night of April 9, 1982, the same date I was married in 1994).

In the last part of my dream, after she becomes a rabbit, she jumps into the water becoming a dolphin. I see her leap in the distance as the sky grows darker. (This is likely an influence from “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”, although Don Knotts becomes a fish, not a dolphin, as wrongly written in some plot descriptions by people who obviously did not really know the movie.)

There is an ominous scene where the statue is gone. People go out to “hunt” her, but I know they will never find her. It is my intention to “go to the other side of the ocean” to find her.

This goes all the way back to 1965 from my dream “The Thinker” and later “breakthrough” dreams (such as “Sentient Flood” from 1990) where “living statues” seem to relate to an “awakening” of something important to the dreamer’s real-life path. It may be a major archetype for others as well, though I cannot be sure since I can only “see” my own experiences.

After these dreams, I had a strange feeling I would be meeting her in real life (even marrying her), which of course…I did, in 1994.

Relevant influences and tie-ins:

“The Incredible Mr. Limpet”; 1964 Don Knotts movie

“It”; 1966 Roddy McDowall movie (secondary influence)

“The Bermuda Depths”; 1978 television movie (main influence)

“Portrait of Jennie”; 1948 movie

“Jennifer”; Eurythmics song from 1983 as here, which directly followed “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” (catalyst transition)

“Ocean Girl”; David Essex song

Morning of October 9, 1982. Saturday.



I am back in my Cubitis bedroom and I become lucid from an unknown cause (and I eventually shift into apex lucidity) but with a cautious awareness. For a time, I indulge in a lot of different scenes involving several different girls, who, for the most part, otherwise walk around enjoying themselves. I also enjoy developing various geometrical shapes in seemingly new combinations.

At one point, I fall into focusing on various connecting planes at different angles (for example, a couch, relative to the front at ninety degrees from the seat and how the arms are structured, the three-dimensional surfaces and angles enhancing my interest in dream structures). I also deliberately gaze into the eyes of one unknown female to see if I can see something special, yet all I see are the sort of lightning-like patterns (and sometimes cilia-like forms) that make up the irises and the “oil” which makes up the pupils. Still, I see myself in the pupil, which is mirror-like, the act being similar to looking into a Christmas tree ornament.

Over time, there are unusual physical effects. It seems as if I have been performing (sexually) for days. In the last segment (as I am thinking of what to do with my dream state and heightened clarity), I notice a dream character that seems to be lurking behind a doorway, but only his arms and hands are in view at first. I see that he is holding and pointing a pistol (though not at me at first as it almost seems that he plans on hiding a little longer). At this point, he is the only dream character other than myself.

“Come outta there!” I yell as a command.

“You’re under arrest!” the unfamiliar man addresses me cautiously.

Believing that I have no use for authority in my own dream, I do a hand motion and make him point the gun to his head but he struggles (and I have to increase my own will over the scene almost as if he has his own will power), saying “No, no, wait, I have something important to tell you!” Just as I am about to eliminate him (or feel that I could), I change my mind. Instead, I pause and decide to listen, because he almost seems a part of me. I get the impression that he is the last policeman to exist in “this world”.

I stand near the center of the living room, facing west (towards my bedroom doorway). He faces me, though a bit to my left. He lowers his gun and starts talking to me about my father (who had died on Valentine’s Day in 1979). (On one level, I seem to be aware of what he is going to say as if there is some sort of “automatic agreement”.) I realize that there had been guilt at not having performed in public with my father (or even being in the audience) at his last music venue. This seems somewhat profound, especially as the last words I ever heard him say (prior to his leaving to perform at the venue) “I sure wish you’d come with me”. Not feeling the connection to people or the interest to entertain or please them (aside from feeling out of place and uneasy in front of people at times), I did not have enough willpower to go. That was his last concert and in the middle, the very last words he said (to his audience), “looks like you’re going to have to play the jukebox from now on”.

From here, the policeman now seems sort of scruffy. He also now appears to be only about half my height. Still, he seems more relaxed with me. As he is looking down at the floor, he says “It’s time for a new movie”, what I take to mean a release of any and all guilt related to my father and how I was not with him in his last conscious moments, as he had in his own subtle way hinted at before leaving the house.

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This lucid dream had likely gone on a bit too long (as biologically, a dreamer must eventually wake). The personified preconscious is eventually rendered (via the emergent consciousness) and “arrests” me, though there is still some unusual trailing conversation. One of the meanings of “It’s time for a new movie” could actually mean that it is time to wake to dream again at a later date, though it may also relate to not replaying the reality-based “mental movie” of guilt concerning my father.

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Night of April 9, 1982. Friday. (Original dream date, into very early morning of April 10, 1982, having previously seen “Cat People” the night of the 9th.)



I am in La Crosse, Wisconsin very late at night. No other people are around. I am mostly going north down 7th Street North. To my right is Burns Park. (This is about a half-block-sized park with a diagonal sidewalk from southeast to northwest. I used to walk through there on a regular basis during this time.) The area just north of Burns Park is not a cluster of houses as in reality (which continues on to more of the urban area), but all open field instead.

My dream seems fairly long but mostly involves just walking around and looking at the environment. I get a strange, vivid perception of mistaking the rear bumper of a car for a form of water (possibly relative to incorrectly perceiving it as a part of a cascade).

In my dream, I become aware, quite vividly, as well as lucidly, that I am a black panther. The feelings and perceptions seem very accurate somehow. Eventually, I decide to pounce upon and eat a rabbit that is trying to escape by running somewhat northeast after getting to the fictional open field. The experience is quite odd, I would not say off-putting, but a bit unusual in awareness, especially regarding the vivid nature of it and having to “eat” the fur as well. This scene seems to have been directly borrowed from “Cat People” (1982).

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This seems to be solely an exercise in having freedom from human responsibilities and restrictions. It is interesting that my dream’s environment originates around the park (which has the least man-made structures of the immediate region in reality) and that the adjoining urban area was changed to a field. It was common for me to become very annoyed at man-made structures in dreams - and open outside areas often replaced what were clusters of buildings in real life.

Other associations (updated March 2014):

The flag of theEastern Shawnee Tribe of Oklahoma features a black panther above a white swan, both very important personal symbols for a number of reasons.

A panther is associated with a supposed ancestor or at least a relative (via the Ruland line - this is documented in at least one book on Tecumseh).

My parents and I lived in a cypress swamp at one point in my earlier years where I saw Florida panthers in the wild - including one that once looked through the window of our trailer late at night. They are now apparently a threatened species.

After my wife and I first made contact in real life (via mail and telephone) she got to “meet” Tarbu - a black panther in some sort of traveling show, and she also got a related poster.

The movie “Cat People” (1982) featured publicity art of the lead actress (Nastassja Kinski) with dark hair and supposed “green panther eyes”, a similar appearance to my wife which someone even commented on on one of our early dates. Coincidentally, one of the main characters is named Oliver, the name of our youngest son (not by related intent). LINK

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Morning of April 3, 1982. Saturday.



I am in La Crosse, Wisconsin on the south side of town and west of the main library. There are a number of other people around, mostly unknown. There is a tornado coming in our direction (from the southwest), or so it seems for several minutes. I can hear the train-like rumbling sounds (like with a real tornado but which may be caused by real environmental noise such as louder traffic while sleeping). I am with some friends and we and the other people are eventually running everywhere, though mostly north.

All of a sudden, there is a strange screeching sound (again, possibly caused by real-life environmental sounds intruding into my dream without waking me, such as a vehicle’s brakes squealing). We look back and it turns out to have been an enormous caterpillar spinning a cocoon and was not a tornado. Everything is quiet now that the caterpillar has entered this stage and is vertically oriented within the giant cocoon, apparently sleeping and not threatening in any way. Additionally, I get the impression that it was not actually chasing us. We just happened to originally be in the area it was coincidentally moving towards during the faux chase. Eventually, I become semi-lucid and personally indulge in sensual pleasures in an offset scenario until I choose to wake.

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Resupplemented for a clearer and more detailed explanation on Saturday, 2 December 2017.

There are really two levels to this dream, a natural (biological) ordinary meaning and a spiritual meaning if one is so inclined. On the natural level, a tornado is a factor of RAS and inner ear dynamics as precursory waking symbolism, an extreme augmentation analogous to potential dizziness in real life. In this case, that aspect is validated by a second inner ear dynamic, the potential butterfly flight symbol, which is “frozen” and thus as a result, triggering lucidity against the subdued RAS factor (similar to the “frozen” bird silhouettes in more recent apex lucidity dreams). On one level of course, this dream was at least partly influenced by “Mothra” (a 1961 movie).

Spiritually, tornadoes represent the powerful bottom half of the Merkaba (even in my earliest childhood dreams) and, due to the “raw force” of a tornado, relate to personal dream state alchemy. (In certain trance states of deep meditation, I vividly experience the Merkaba by touching my wife Zsuzsanna on the shoulder, the Merkaba of which appears as two blue tornadoes uniting, rotating in opposite directions, with extraordinarily vivid impressions which I can only describe as seeing hundreds of different wedding ceremonies of different cultures and eras.) The transition from tornado to caterpillar-in-cocoon implies a waiting stage prior to changing into a butterfly (a type of personal ascension or implying the state of readiness for meeting my “dream girl” in real life).

Susan R (the only person other than Zsuzsanna of whom I could ever sense as existing on other levels) and Zsuzsanna (before I knew she was a real person) drew identical vertically-oriented anthropomorphic caterpillars in a top hat (as if one had been traced over the other with even the same stray line) as a part of an otherwise dissimilar story. (One of my relatives was scared and angered by seeing this as most ordinary people do not like the unexplained, though over time, changed their way of thinking and was eventually glad I had found my “dream girl” after so many precise clues over so many years.)

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“The caterpillar makes an appearance in a few other places outside ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, such as 'American McGee’s Alice’ and the novel 'The Looking-Glass Wars’; in both of these spin-offs he plays the role of an oracle.”

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Morning of November 29, 1981. Sunday.



I am back in the living room in Cubitis, more in the southwestern area of the larger room. It seems to be “isolated” somehow and I am perhaps the only one in the entire region. There is a very vivid awareness of the type which I would label as a type of “faux lucidity”, as, even though I am fully, consciously aware and it is so vivid, I am not certain of the nature of the “level” of my dream (regarding the particular “eerie” band of consciousness), and so see it as a potential aspect of really being fully awake at the time - it is an unusual state of knowing you are dreaming, yet still thinking you are somewhat conscious in an actual place with eyes open - a bit hard to explain, I think.

In one area to the south, near the left; the narrower section of wall at the end of the hallway (that was to the right of the kitchenette entrance though the layout is distorted), I see a large shadow slowly and very smoothly sweep across that area on the wall. It is shaped like a bird, seemingly a raven. There is an unusual sense of timelessness. This exact same theme (and very similar imagery) repeated later on (a few months later), but seemed to occur at an open construction site late at night in Wisconsin rather than my old Florida home as here.

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Over time, this seemed to create the phrase within my mind - “time is raven-winged”, (a possible play on “time flies” though also in the context of time being a “scavenger”).

This may sound negative, but we (my wife Zsuzsanna and our two oldest children at the time) had a positive enriching experience with helping an injured raven in real life years later.

The bird shadow symbol (usually rendered as being in flight), sometimes “sweeping” though sometimes falling, which primarily represents the waking point itself, has been common in a number of my waking transitions since early childhood. “Frozen” and motionless bird shadows with no source projected onto a stage used as a living space by a female tulpa was an extremely vivid scene in a dream of recent apex lucidity of the type of augmented awareness that almost surpasses real life perception. When your mind is able to freeze the birds in flight rendering to where only the hovering shadows are projected, that is near-ultimate dream control.

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Morning of August 16, 1981. Sunday.



This was a somewhat disturbing dream (in some ways) that related to Santa Claus, strangely enough. However, it all led up to one obvious pun in the end. I sometimes wonder about these “building up” pun dreams. What if you wake up before the outcome or “intended ending”? I suppose this means that the pun is never heard or realized, but what if the very reason for the longer aspects was to prepare for something that my dream did not finish, such as the “punch line” so to speak? I am sure that happens all the time regarding any setup that is not resolved before waking - thus many dreams remain “unfinished” for many different reasons (for example, when you wake from environmental noise, physical discomfort, change in consciousness, etc.).

In my dream, Santa Claus is after some sort of new element that will enable him to fly his sled faster and without reindeer. This is a rather strange juvenile dream, I suppose, for a young adult to ponder, and not even anywhere around Christmastime as it is.

The element is called Saturnium. He uses his elf minions and sycophants to hunt down any trace of the element. He gets closer and closer to attaining enough and at a later point, I enter into the actual scenario and I am then seen as “physically present” for the first time. I approach him and sort of break into the flow of the (implied) “movie” and I ask him what he will do with all that Saturnium. I ask specifically, “What will you use it for?”

He grins in a menacing manner, sitting on his throne (with gold backing) in some sort of large seemingly commercial business building or warehouse where he apparently lives. He responds by saying “My sleighing (slaying) will soon begin”; meaning to kill, rather than for a Christmas “sleigh” - all this dreaming for one bad pun in the end. There was even a different “broken” dream (a partial “reset” from around the same time period) where this whole thing repeats - but it is me who answers my own question with a question relative to the play on slay/sleigh and Santa does not speak; he only smiles menacingly to confirm that the answer is “yes”. One comment I make, “to build your slay?”, does not really make that much sense as the implied pun.

Night of December 20, 1980. Saturday. (My 20th birthday.)



There is a lot of clarity and vividness but I have only a semi-lucid awareness. I am traveling on a mostly enclosed rollercoaster and going up but eventually I am horizontally riding through what is almost like a car wash. This dream is somewhat glitchy in its augmented energy as undefined forms move about and I can almost make out waveforms moving in the air in some areas or detached miniature wings (that move on their own with no implied body, bird or otherwise).

After I move through a doorway (consciousness shift) that still has the essence of a car wash, my dream becomes astoundingly vivid though still glitchy and with an odd ambiance. I look to my right and see a sparse Christmas scene. Santa Claus is seated on a thrown. He leans forward and opens his mouth fairly wide in an odd “silent bark” at me. I am vaguely aware of a very slight sound which is only slightly like a lip-smacking sound. I feel vaguely threatened but he remains sitting, looking a bit crazed.

Eventually, I climb down from the mostly enclosed rollercoaster as if climbing down over a stack of broken bed frames (dream sign).

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There are a few typical generic dreaming metaphors here, including detached wings (this dream’s flight symbol), which here actually relate to the incorporeal essence of the dreamer (even though I do have a “dream body” in this particular dream), and the rollercoaster (also a form of “flight” since it is metaphorical for the consciousness shifts that occur in the dream state), which becomes a stack of “broken bed frames”, which is analogous to the dissolution of my dream in addition to a play on “climbing out of bed” after my dream ends. I have only had a few “bad Santa” dreams. In most of these dreams (including a few where I was either the “real” Santa, implied to be a temporary stand-in, or where I wore the outfit) there is either a sense of great joy or no particular dominant emotion. The car wash aspect may relate to cellular functions or other bodily functions (related to cleansing, such as especially with the liver or kidneys) while in the dream state though on another level is another form of water induction which is very common in my dreams.

Morning of October 1, 1980. Wednesday.



My main dream sequence was somewhat abstract and mostly involved looking around in an unusual store that was a distorted composite, with what was being sold together in the same store as such not making much sense. There are craft items, fishing tackle, and possibly school textbooks on certain shelves, and possibly food. However, the waking transition was very clear as it usually is and can easily be decoded.

I am later fishing while standing on a roofed sidewalk. I am at the front of the store (facing east) but which also mainly looks like the entrance to my middle school in Florida. The parking lot has been replaced by a large body of water which comes up to the level of where the parking lot’s surface would otherwise be. This is where I am fishing.

After a short time, I hook onto something that feels very heavy and large but does not fight that much. Soon however, a huge catfish slowly emerges from the surface of the water, slides on its stomach up onto the sidewalk and swallows an unknown chubby male (of perhaps forty) who had been standing about eight feet to my right. There is a sense of awe but I am also somewhat amused.

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I would rather experience coalescence autosymbolism by watching another (typically unknown and presumed fictional) dream character being swallowed than experience it as my dream self. This is otherwise autosymbolism for the illusory dream state being swallowed up by the conscious self identity and the distorted dream self coalescing back into consciousness. The parking lot is liminal space (autosymbolism for being in a specific level of unconsciousness between dreaming and waking), and water lowering waking symbolism eventually commences here as in many other dreams. An area of land being replaced by becoming the surface of a body of water has happened in a number of my dreams, and other people have reported this as well.

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Optimized 2 minute 15 second read.
Saturday morning, 5 April 1980.
“Kar Krazy” (haunted parking lot excursion)
Series: Surreal Vehicles as Illusory Physicality in Non-Reality
Dream # 4,856-03.



Although sitting in the back seat of a parked car in the dream state is a typical transition from an intuitive or metacognitive recognition of being asleep (an imagining since childhood) while a vehicle is analogous to managing my imaginary dream body, a residual influence occurs here regarding a recent waking-life event.

In a real-world scenario, I had sat in the back seat of a car in a parking lot in Southside La Crosse waiting for Carol and Marilyn (two older half-sisters on my mother’s side) while they collected promotional products from businesses with company logos on keyrings and other items for prizes in a raffle.

Sleep cycle dynamics integrated the location into a surreal dreaming experience. The parking lot where I had been only once in my waking life is similar in my dream. This type of influence, being in an unfamiliar location for a time in waking life, sometimes affects the dream state in unusual ways despite the processes being of the same familiar and traceable causality.

In my dream, I leave the car and wander around in the parking lot in the early evening. No one else is present at any time. With deliberation, I want to create and experience a movie about poltergeist activity in the parking lot.

I title the movie “Kar Krazy” (a deliberate misspelling, not a typical dreaming mistake in this instance). Part of the plot infers that being behind the steering wheel of a vehicle makes people temporarily crazy.

The decal on the hood of a Trans Am becomes animated, becoming like actual fire for a time.

A semi-trailer with lightning decals is “haunted” by “road rage.” The lightning has the properties of actual lightning for a time. Electricity reaches a few feet from the semi-trailer.

I consider that a keyring (inspiration from the real-world event previously mentioned) with an attached car key could generate “haunted” lightning and influence people’s thinking processes.

A car stretches to an unrealistic height (while remaining the same length) while another “falls flat like a cake in the oven.” A couple of cars drive off by themselves.

In the last scene, I sit atop a car as I sometimes do in this mode of dreaming. Vestibular-motor phasing was minimal for this narrative.

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Lightning and electricity occur in dreams with metacognitive recognition of increasing precursory consciousness (synaptic energy in real time while dreaming). Although irrelevant to this report, physical pain and the “pins and needles” sensations also emerge in dreams and even when awake as lightning or electricity for most people I know. For example, I once dropped a heavy book on my foot in a dark room and saw realistic “lightning.”


Important notes:

According to my first Google result, the term “road rage” was “coined in 1988” (Los Angeles TV news), inferring a precognitive element in this dream (which makes no sense because I deliberately summoned this descriptive phrase while dreaming).

However, as it turns out, the phrase occurred in print before that. “ROAD RAGE” tires appeared as far back as 1982 (see the image if available), with other usages of the term before that. In contrast, there are thousands of misspellings of “road race” as “road rage” in OCR renderings on the Internet.

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Morning of December 21, 1969. Sunday.



In my dream, I am in the playground of West Elementary School (which I attended in real life at the time). I find myself with a book, which may be “Our World Today: Europe and Europe Overseas”, which is what I had been thinking about prior to sleep. (This was a very old textbook, for a higher grade, of which had not been used by the school in years and of which my teacher gave me after I read the word “banana” when it was hyphenated to the next line. I was thankful, but saw her act as a bit peculiar.) Later in my dream, I sense that it is a book of fairy tales or perhaps the Holy Bible (though it is not thick enough to be the Holy Bible). (This association was prescient, as I received a Holy Bible as a birthday gift from a friend of my mother’s, which arrived a couple days after my birthday. Otherwise, there is an influence from an episode of “The Jackie Gleason Show” seen prior to sleep, where he, as the Poor Soul, was whisked away to fairlyand.)

After I hold the book for a time, while sitting on the concrete bench in the northwest corner of the playground, it pulls me into the air. I feel vaguely dizzy and experience an atypical flight, which is a sustained awareness of liminal space (although I am only semi-lucid). I go high into the sky and then swoop to the ground a few times while holding onto the book.

Eventually, at least three classmates are hanging on in a ladder-like form, that is, each additional student hanging onto the ankles of the one above them. Toby is one of them as well as Tina, and then Bobby. At one point, I notice it seems to be just before sunrise, although there is enough daylight to discern some detail. Eventually, I deliberately fly up, and out of the dream state in the manner of which I had exited many dreams. In this case, I had tried to hold onto the book in order to wake up with it, but I woke while gripping my pillow.

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When I was very young, I occasionally had an absurd notion of pulling items out of my dreams, primarily books and coins, though only while still in the dream state and only in partial lucidity.

As I grew older, I began to understand part of the reason for this. Both books and coins more distinctly represent emergent consciousness factors (though for entirely different reasons) and both change in appearance in dreams (often into surreal nonsense) after looking at them again due to the dream state being an illusion. Reading text in a dream is possible, as I have often read in dreams, but the text typically changes when looking at it again and typically becomes unreadable gibberish when my dream self’s imaginary visual clarity increases toward waking. In the case of coins, I learned it was an attempt to stabilize my emergent consciousness, both in the concept of coins gathering (coalescence factor, because when one starts dreaming, memories begin to distort and separate so that the conscious self identity is no longer extant until the waking transition) to become whole again (such as a one-dollar bill). Additionally, the heads on coins are static (unmoving), which represents the dream self’s absence of perceptual viability and intelligence.

This dream is mainly a result of vestibular system ambiguity, which occurs in over twenty percent of the tens of thousands of dreams I have studied and resolved since early childhood. While unconscious and entering the waking transition, being horizontal in bed is in biological conflict with the misperception of the dream self, which results in an infinite variety of features and events associated with flight, falling, and rising. Over the years, through understanding the nature of the dream state, I have learned to maintain subliminal awareness in dreams that are otherwise not viably lucid, and I often effortlessly take to the air in dreams instead of walking (though the dream self has no physical body unless it wants to). Additionally, the human ladder is redundant autosymbolism (as to flight triggered by natural vestibular system ambiguity) as it also represents leaving the dream state (climbing back to the state of consciousness).

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Resupplemented on Thursday, 8 February 2018.

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Morning of December 21, 1969. Sunday.



I am in the high school auditorium (which was used for entertainment for students grades one to five, the elementary school being the next block over from the high school) and there is a large marionette stage of the kind where a square window opens at the front, near the top, to reveal a clown face during intermissions (while the stage was changed for the next act of the story), who talked about the events of the story. (These were excellent and detailed productions, my favorite being “Pinocchio”.)

Although other schoolmates are present, I end up focused on Tina, who puts her hands over her eyes and says, “I’m dreaming”. My dream self not fully considering what she had said, I still end up floating in the air and slowly flying toward the stage. I notice the head at the top is more like a Greek bust. Instead of a marionette stage, I then seem to be in a television studio, with some distorted (incorrect) scenes from “The Jackie Gleason Show” of the previous night. I am somewhat wary as I do not want to draw attention or interrupt the filming of the show even though I am semi-lucid.

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I eventually learned that a stage was autosymbolism for being in the dream state, typically in semi-lucidity or apex lucidity. Flying (as well as falling or other movement) is a biological result of vestibular system ambiguity in unconsciousness. Over one in five of my dreams involve flying or flight symbols. (On a side note, the belief that falling dreams evolved out of primates naturally developing this as an alert factor based on falling out of trees, thus being possible prey, is actually pointless, since the vestibular system would naturally trigger this anyway by already extant biological design, inherent ambiguity of the same factor as flying dreams.)

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Resupplemented on Thursday, 8 February 2018.

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Night of December 12, 1969. Friday.



This dream seemed to last all night into the next morning but with several false awakenings. Regardless of it being somewhat nightmarish, it is one of my favorites from childhood. This was yet another dream where Pepto-Bismol pink dominated some aspects of the dream elements. It also involves another early attempt at tulpa creation (as with the “Cobra in the Hayloft” dream). This is still the original dream journal title from age eight and the first version of this dream theme as far as I know.

In an early part of the dream, my pillow seems to have moving imagery on it somewhat like a television screen. There is a scene with the “MGM lion” logo roaring (as at the beginning of a movie) except that the lion has been replaced by a triceratops. (It is possible that the small portable heater had been on a few times, which sometimes made a rattling noise and provided a slight glow in the room.)

Over time, I develop a very intense, clear, and focused lucidity and am able to control the somewhat phosphorescent images on the pillow. Once I gain more faith and expectation, I also gain a sense of being able to communicate with the white family cat, Snowball, or at least get her to understand my ideas somehow. The cat had been in the room throughout the dream; in reality as well, I think.

Throughout the night, seemingly, there are different “games” played with the imagery on the pillow. One amusing scene involves the word “dots” appearing on my pillow several times, like a grid-like pattern (after I had watched actual polka dots for a time). As I put more intent into the manifestation, the words rotate and then say “stop” like some sort of “tingly warning”. Another image that flows across the pillow is a sequence of letter Zs, in a snake-like fashion. It is similar to watching projected images from a slide projector moving about on the surface of the pillow (and part of the sheet at times).

I also seem aware of a loud snoring (on and off) over the few hours that the dream seems to last. I used to think it was my father (and one story I wrote based on the dream did imply that), but my father’s room was in another part of the house at the other end beyond the hallway and would not have been that loud, I do not think. It was either my own or solely in-dream, but certainly seemed vivid and made the dinosaur’s sounds seem more threatening somehow, through the false awakenings - yet at the same time was a reassurance at one level of thought in a particular liminal state at random times.

“Look Snowball, I can make a monster appear,” I say with confidence (and again feel the in-dream “tingling”). Instead of the imagery appearing on the pillow, a “real” full-sized triceratops appears standing near my bedside, facing east (where my head is). (The bed is along the south wall, head at the southeast corner at the time, both in the dream and in reality. The bed had occupied several different locations in the room during the time I lived there. This particular setup was the farthest from all the large jalousie windows during the winter.) The triceratops makes a “snoring growling” sound, very vivid and convincing, but mostly just remains in the same standing position as if I might still have some level of control over it. There is an eerie glow of Pepto-Bismol pink from it (which does not fully light up the room). The cat seems a bit nervous but does not run off.

I seem to shift into another state and realize it was only a very vivid and lucid dream with the appearance of the dinosaur seeming like part of a false awakening (though I was lucid dreaming, I had a partial sense I might be partly awake and watching hypnagogic events projected onto the pillow as was sometimes the case in reality). I think about getting back into the same state, because it was quite intriguing. However, the dream eventually takes on a lesser vividness and my lucidity lowers as well. In the last section, the dream is non-lucid. I am out of my bedroom and in a sleeping bag on the living room floor (southwest area of the room), apparently having been placed here by my mother either due to a monster being in my room or being “safer” there for some other reason. From here, the triceratops appears again (but is a darker mossy green, not pink) and I sense it is getting closer to my face as I slowly wake.