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Tonight, I got 7.5 hours of sleep, the perfect amount of sleep according to REM cycles. It was the deepest sleep I have ever had I think due to a combination of lack of sleep in the days prior and the sheer amount of walking and activity I did last night due to the pledge activities.
I need to summarize what happened because I don't have any time.

Dream #1: Re-rush

This dream was basically set back in the fall, at night time. I am outside for all of this dream and at first I'm with the pledge people I know, but then I go over to TKE and start enjoying what they have to offer there. Except the guys don't like me and they want to beat me up. One guy says he's going to flip a coin and if it's a certain side (that I don't know) then they will all hit me. I'm scared and they eventually flip the coin, but somehow I teleport away and call Mr. Guirguis on my cell phone.

We are talking about whether I can go back to AGO and rush there. As this is happening, I'm walking in the middle of all the people at AGO. They are sitting in a line of chairs and I am walking literally on the armrests of the chairs, over them. Eventually he says ask them yourself. So I kneel down on one knee and I say I humble myself before you and ask if I can come to your fraternity. They all say yes and I am elated.

Dream 2:

Me and someone I can't remember are driving in this car/convertible without a top. The sun is in the distance and its almost getting blocked by a mountain. It looks picturesque, and isn't blinding to look at.

Dream 3:

I am in a restaurant, thinking to myself. Basically passobs as some woman walks by me and totally doesn't look at me at all, but continually looks in the direction of her husband. I think to myself how married woman don't even look at younger boys and lust after them. They are totally focused on their relationships. I look over to another booth to see the men looking around and the woman leaning in and trying to talk to one of the men. I continue to think about this as the scene turns black

Dream 4:

I am watching this hot anime girl have sex. I become lucid and I try to immediately get a threesome, but I don't stabilize the dream or anything, so it fades really fast as I notice that in my real body I am starting to orgasm from what would normally be a wet dream.

Dream 5:

I have a dream that gives me the realization that my life on this planet isn't significant, just like humans aren't significant to the universe. I see how my "ego" totally consumes my reality and tells me stories through the use of language.

Dream 6:

Mr. Holmlund and Ochoseis fight in a room with other people from AGO. They are fighting on the side of a bed. They throw punches but neither connect and Ocho is starting to get very very mad.

Dream 1-- Lucid #9

I am waiting outside of the guest room in my house for my friend Blake, from high school. He is inside the room, speaking to me while roll around this piece of luggage I found. Somehow I am in this enclosed room that is four walls in a square shape surrounding me with two doors on the front and back wall. The suitcase is large and dark green, the room is dim without any lights and the doors are white. My dad is home and he calls up something to me. I don't remember the words but I walk over to the computer room on the other side of my staircase.

Sitting in the bench that was normally present, I look over because I can clearly see the guest room door. I am just sitting and staring, waiting for something to happen. I don't really care what in particular because I am bored and restless.

Then, my ex-gf walks out of the door and doesn't even look at me. She is busy talking to five other people who are also coming out of the door. These are tall white guys and hot white girls. I am still sitting watching how they are talking casually about bringing over alcohol. I get the impression there is going to be a party at my house, and I remember that my dad is home which prompts me to get up and walk over to them.

I stand right next to this tall white guy and confront him. I don't remember the conversation exactly, but I remember that I was surprisingly composed and confident considering I had to look up to talk to the guy. I don't know he if he ever gave a reasonable reply, but I turn around and walk away to go down my back stairs. As I walk down the stairs, I look to my right and see a whole group of people sitting in the dark and looking at me. Their eyes are wide open focused on my soul it feels like. Some of them have glow in the dark beads and sticks. Other's have whiter eyes that have a sort of glow to them.

I turn and continue to walk down the stairs for one step and then suddenly realize that I am running away from these characters and that I have a choice to stand up. Immediately I conclude that I am in a dream and I walk back up a couple of stairs. I look at their faces and say "I love you all." I feel so happy, like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember that I am in a dream and have to stabilize the dream so I spin around. Everything turns into a blur as I spin. Once I start spinning I can't seem to stop. All the people fade away into darkness. The dream is slipping away as I spin and I don't know how to get it back. I get the painful feeling that I am about to wake up regardless of what I do next.

Then, I feel this amazing taste in the right side of my mouth. I try to hold on and focus to that sensation. It's a tingle that reminds me of a certain flavor dessert, and I never want it to go away. As I desperately try to cling to that sensation, all other feeling is lost. My vision turns to black, I become deaf, and suddenly I reawaken in my bed

Dream 2-- Peer Pressure

I wake up in a bed in an unfamiliar room. It's large, with windows that look out to the street, three black couches that surround a table with a TV at the fourth side of the square. I walk over to the couches because I see two people already sitting down on the right side couch. I sit down in the middle couch, directly facing the TV.

The two people to the right of me are talking about smoking weed, one of them is actually my next door neighbor in the dorms. They light up a small piece and I immediately get uncomfortable. I feel like I should leave or do something to avoid smoking because I really don't want to. I don't look around I don't move I don't say anything. I just sit there, paralyzed, and wait. Eventually they pass the piece and a lighter to me. Now I'm more nervous than ever. There are extra people who have suddenly appeared on the left couch, watching me also. There is a force in me screaming DON'T DO IT. LEAVE. STOP RIGHT NOW YOU WILL REGRET THIS. Then there is the inertia. The force of smoking in a rotation, having people expect you to follow in the flow of the social environment. I gave in to this force and immediately felt horrible. I felt so shitty, in my head I reminded myself how now I would have to tell people I haven't drank for 6 months but I smoked weed yesterday.

Suddenly, we are transported into a card. I am still caught up in my mental chatter about how disappointed I am in myself and how I can't bring myself to admit to other people how weak I am for allowing these people to tell me what to do against my will.

My neighbor is talking and talking about how he is going to change his name and do this and that. He is a disembodied voice. I am just listening to what he is saying while staring out the windshield, watching as we enter on the tollway ramp.

Dream 3-- Sandler's New Movie

I am the passive observer camera for Adam Sandler's new movie. I don't know the title or anything, but I am thrown into this scene as just the camera. I watch as the main character, who is some domineering, sex-craving, megalomaniac talk to this woman. They are having a conversation at a table and somehow the topic of misrepresentation comes up. She asks him what the swastika represents and he says a man raping a woman. I tried to imagine the figure in my head, and somehow I came up with the same conclusion.

The main character stands up and is talking to Sandler in the hallway of the office. I see behind the man a giant series of windows that overlook the city. There are giant posters on the windows of movies and famous, beautiful actresses. I can't remember specifics.

Dream 1-- Therapist in Space

I start out in my therapist's office. The scene is familiar except strangely dark and there is an extra couch on the left hand side of the room, on which my sister is sitting. It's a big brown leather couch that looks extremely comfortable. My therapist and I are discussing something about depression or inactivity/laziness when my sister interrupt by saying that she wants to watch this movie on this TV. She says it's the most famous scene in all of animated movies. As I watch, I get sucked into the PassObs and become part of the progressing movie.

The scene is beautiful and large. I'm a robot floating through a gigantic spaceship that contains the luxury comparable to the Titanic. As I am floating forward, I seem to be on a stealth mission that requires me to be quiet by steadily observant. I feel like a spy. As I look forward, I notice the beauty and colors of the scenery around me. There are layers of brown walls that show their depth and distance. The rooms are 50 feet high, creating large spaces for me to easy pass through. There are some pictures on the wall but I try not to notice them, looking straight ahead because I feel like I should be in a state of high alert.

As I reach the other side of a large room, I enter the 2nd floor by floating to it. There are no doors or staircases because everything can float in this world. I could see all the different floors as if there were supposed to be an elevator but someone had forgotten to install it, so there were just no walls blocking the view of each floor.

There is a shadow on the ground of a robot floating around the corner. This scares me and forces me to hide because I realize I am a spy robot and will be caught and punished if I am found out. I wake up.

Dream 2-- Texas Hold 'em (new dreamsign)

I am sitting a hold'em table opposite the dealer. At first I am not participating in any way, simply watching/observing as if I were watching WSOP on ESPN. There is an announcer for the game of about 5-6 people who is my old high school chaplain, F. Huddle. He is announcing it similar to how the game would be when watching High Stakes Poker on TV.

The flop comes 2diamonds and a heart, F. Huddle starts talking auctioneer speed about the hands and the possibilities. I can see the hands on the left hand side of the screen so I already know who got the best of it, but I can't talk or move or change my perspective, as if the camera were locked in space. There are a little flow of thoughts running through my mind still. As more cards come, the announcing gets more intense, there are possible flushes on the board and one person has the 2 of diamonds, which would be the worst possible flush to make. The others have hearts and so missed their draw. I don't stay in the dream long enough to witness the winner.

Dream 3-- Extra Therapy

This dream has many scenes where I was in a gym and a new therapist would come out and try to talk to me. He would also be smiling with a calm demeanor. I would always be still, unspeaking, just watching and analyzing.

The last scene is the one I remember with any clarity. P. Gasp (a dreamsign) and I were sitting on the bikes at the gym and our former head of upper school comes in as my last therapist. He is trying to find a place to sit when he decides to sit on the boot of one of the ellipticals, which causes the boot to move when he sits down on it, which I find amusing but don't show the emotion. He starts talking to us about something I can't remember.

Dream 1-- Lucid #7!

This dream was rather long in the beginning, but I don't remember it because it was unimportant compared to what happens when I become lucid. So I am going down this escalator, as I had done earlier in the same dream and have this thought that I am going to go sit in one of the lounge chairs. I am in this hotel or something, I see other people, but the scene is familiar and when I have this thought I recognize instantly that I have been here before and that it was in a dream. I think to myself, if I were in a dream and I could change what I do then I would be lucid right now, and BAM I become lucid.

As I reach the bottom of the escalator, I see a bunch of my SM friends sitting down. I high five Scott then Andrew N. then this older white guy. I feel really happy about achieving lucidity and I just want to high five the people in celebration.

Once I high five the older guy, I think about doing the task of the month. I try to teleport outside and make a storm appear, but that causes me to be unable to move, makes the dream unstable, and turns things dark. I immediately abandon that approach and decide walking outside is better. When I get to the glass door, I decide to jump through it instead of opening it. I go right through! I am now outside and it is bright daylight.

I turn to my left, and there is my spanish teacher who I had talked to earlier today and resolved a conflict about my grade. She comes up to me smiling and rubs my shoulder in greeting. She says "Hi Jay" as per usual. I say "Hola senora" and I am trying to think of how you say "are you happy?" in spanish because I know she is a dream character and I am hoping that she is satisfied now. In trying to figure out how to translate, I wake up.

Note to self: Don't speak other languages while lucid! Also, stabilize when first lucid! This should be the first thing!

Dream 2-- TJ escapades

This dream occured early in the morning after I had been tossing and turning most of the night. I false awaken in my dorm room bed to see the door slightly cracked open. I hear my sister saying "Jay come outside."

She sounds sick and in need of help, so I walk outside. As I look to my left, TJ is there and he talks to me about how he visited SM and saw this gym teacher who was basically sexually assaulting the kids. He told me "He lines them up against the wall and gets them to bend over." I get disgusted at the thought, and when I look over to the right I see all these kids lined up against the wall bending over! It looks like we are in a hotel room hallway. It is dark and the kids are wearing these short blue shorts. One pale blonde kid is standing up away from the wall with his arms crossed. The teacher is pacing back and forth just looking at the kids.

When he sees me and TJ, he walks over and starts talking to us. He tells the children to line up and comes over to me. He asks me what am I doing, and I reply well I have a sister and I was on the baseball team at SM (I was actually thinking about how not to lie to that question in the dream). When he hears I was on the baseball team (since TJ told me he was the baseball coach) he perks up and begins to laugh. He walks away with his line of children. It's really awkward and then I look over and there is this random guy who just jumps over a table and then crashes to the ground. This scene makes me fall to the floor laughing and TJ says "dude its not that funny."

Suddenly we are transported in a video game. Me and some teammates are running away from TJ who is this giant "heavy" as he would be called in Team Fortress 2. Most of my team runs up on a roof, but I don't get there soon enough so I try to jump over a ledge only to be caught hanging by my hands. TJ walks in closer with his huge figure and tries to step on one hand at a time. With my sweet computer keyboard skills, I know how to move one hand at a time and skillfully dodge until eventually I have to let go.

I am randomly spiderman and can shoot webs out of my palms. I shoot a statue to my left and this building to my right, but I am caught in the middle in this blank chasm of blue nothingness (like sky) with what feels like my balls caught in a vice due to the webs somehow getting wrapped around my nuts and getting pulled taut. TJ appears on the statue laughing in a deep voice. I saw in almost a whisper "ow, my balls."

Dream 3-- Poker and Shame

I am in a dark room playing heads up Texas Hold 'em against Trejo I think. He is a kid who went to my school. The community cards are all laid up on the table, and it seems like everyone is standing around watching us, including my father. The cards are 3 aces, 3 tens, 2 7s, an 8 and a 9. That's a lot of cards. At first I see the aces and tens and figure I will bluff the pot no matter what because of the full house on the board, which is the best hand unless he has an ace or ten. I look at my hole cards... Pocket 7s, I have quads.

Before I bet, I say I need to leave to go to the bathroom. I am almost instantly teleported once I get up from my chair. I am in this white bathroom with toilets on the walls that you can only access by opening up these cabinets. They swing open from the handles on the left side. There is a person on the cabinet urinal two down from me, so I relax and start to let it flow. I know in my mind I won the hand, so when I exit the bathroom I am somehow walking down a completely new place that I know is still leading me to the poker game though.

It's a train station and I am walking on the median. As I look to my left, I see my reflection in the mirror. I am wearing blue shorts, a blue shirt, some socks, black shoes, and my hair looks like it's Goku's without it appearing anything cool. I start having self-criticism about it. As I continue to walk, I pass bleachers on my right filled with people. They start booing and throwing food and random objects at me, but I don't pay attention, I just keep looking forward and walking straight. Eventually I decide to pick up the pace gradually and start doing ground rolls (like a ninja).

I get to this one train after I see myself briefly in the mirror again, and I walk in. It was the same people and it looks like we are going to continue our texas hold em game. When we get dealt, I realize that we are playing some new game with a card on it that has nuclear reactor symbols and I have two cards that appear to let me win. I don't know how to play the game or what the cards in my hand do, but the longer I look back and forth between what I have and this five column green and yellow game board on my lap the more sure I am that I have a winning hand. We don't ever get around to playing though.

Dream 4-- Driving with Family

This dream was rather lengthy, but it happened close to the beginning of the night. I was driving my big chevrolet car. It's and 8-seater, and I was with my oldest sister who was silent in the passenger seat. I don't remember where we were going, but it seemed like we had a purpose. We are driving in this back alley way with shoddy roads. As I drive, my left wheel goes almost half way off the side of the road into some ditch, but luckily its not a full half way so that the car remains stable. This reminds me of how I was longboarding earlier in the day and the same thing basically happened to me.

I am in some telekinetic communication with my parents. They are talking to me without me seeing their bodies or being on the phone or anything. Suddenly, I am driving again but on a totally separate road heading for some trees. It looks like a familiar path that I had taken earlier in the dream but my parents are also driving next to me and I feel like I am in a race somehow. I want to find the best path possible. This competition wakes me up.

Dream 5-- Basketball Suck

Me and a bunch of random people and Blake are playing basketball in what looks like the nice gym at my school. We horribly suck. The ball is flat, the passing is horrendous, no one is confident in their abilities and so will get passed the ball and instantly look to pass it again. The other kids look like timid freshmen without a clue of what to do or what's going on at all.

This one kid gets passed the ball at half court and freezes. I try to predict where he will pass the ball and start sprinting toward this one open kid on his team. I don't get there soon enough despite my best effort but the kid can't score anyway. I make shitty passes, Blake makes shitty passes, everyone sucks. No one can pass the ball right or shoot or dribble (because of the flat ball).

The game is just straight horrible but there is also silence externally. No one is complaining or yelling anything or saying anything in general. But I have this massive script that continues throughout the dream that just rattles on in my mind about what is happening and what I need to do next.

Basketball is another dreamsign. This has shown up a lot in my dreams!

Dream 1-- Friend's House

I am standing in this large house that is unfurnished. It is me, P. Gasp, Teej, D. Chris, Robe, and A.K. we are standing around talking about something. P. is up against a pole talking to D. Chris when me and Robe and Teej walk into another room. The one we were currently in had brown wooden floors, white walls, a large white pole that P. was leaning on.

As we starting walking into the other room I think about how P. and D. do not speak to eachother often and how they will likely follow us in here shortly. I also thought about how P. would probably decide to walk away first and D. would follow, D. wouldn't even want to walk away because he would just want to talk.

When we get into the other room. Teej is sitting on a staircase to my right. He is semi-smiling in a reclined position. To my left there are a bunch of people, and I start talking to this girl. The conversation is going really well, and we are flirting. Others are listening to what we are saying, but I am not paying attention. I start talking about how there is a rating system for stories/crimes on a scale of 1-10. You rate your story based on what went down, the more illegal or scary the higher the number. She laughs at that.

I walk away and then come back. When I turn around there is a large group of people sitting down, guys and girls, but no one is saying anything. As I sit down, I feel totally comfortable and say "what just happened?" then there is a short silence, I am trying to talk to the girls more than anyone. "what would it rate on the scale?" that makes a few people smile. "well if its murder, then that's like the top of the scale, so we can work down from there." This gets the girl I am interested in to laugh. Nice.

Dream 2-- First Grade

In this dream, I am back in my first grade but I am normally sized and have all my 19 year old capabilities. it's kind of like Down to Earth with Chris Rock, where everyone SEES him as a rich white guy when he is a really a skinny black guy.

I am sitting in the desk closest to the door, which I think was my actual desk in first grade. As I look around at my classmates, I see they are all working on some sheet of paper that I don't have in front of me. I don't know what is going on, I look over at my teacher who is hunched over her desk. She is blonde, young looking, but extra mean for some reason. As I continue to just process what is going on, I actually begin to realize the situation for what it is (except for understanding I'm dreaming). I come to the conclusion that no one can tell I am not a first grader, this excites me, and I start to scheme.

When the teacher walks around to start collecting the assignment, she comes to my desk, which is in a group of four and picks up the ones close to me. Then she looks at me and I say I don't have mine. She gets angry and walks me over to the chalk board. As we are walking, I notice the other kids around me looking at me, one black kid with glasses has to look up to make eye contact with me so I wonder if he can tell I am not a first grader. I get very confused at this point.
She starts writing something and wants me to write underneath it, but I disobey her orders, I know that I am older and can resist her authority if I want. I am intent on having fun and doing things as a first grader that I normally couldn't do because either I didn't know about it at the time or I was too scared.

This dream was a lot longer and more complicated, with many scenes. At one point, I entered a bathroom. In another scene I went to get ice cream from the ice cream machine and it made me so happy! I used to get ice cream for lunch almost every day of school, that makes perfect sense!

Dream 3-- Lo on the PHone

I am walking down this street in the broad daylight. I am walking alone and I don't know to where, but I am following the side walk I am on. There are stores to my left on the other side of the street, and there is a little shop to my right. The ground is a brick-shade of orange.

As I walk, I see P. and his girlfriend walking past me without looking at me. P. is dressed in a black suit, white shirt, red tie and hankey, sunglasses, he has his arm around his gf who is wearing a blue dress. As we pass, I look down at the ground and think about how sunglasses is a good idea and I should wear sunglasses as part of my tuxedo. Then I get a call on my phone from Lo. I answer it and she starts saying something, but then her voice starts to cut out, and I assume it is the way I am holding my 4g. I immediately try to change my hand position but it doesn't work and I never hear from her again.

Dream Frag 1-- GYm with Matt and Girl

Me, Matt, and a girl who I think is roland's sister are walking to the gym. We are walking together but it feels like Matt and the girl are closer than me and either of them. We walk and talk, and I hold up the conversation mostly. It's easy flowing, no hard feelings or anxiety really. As we walk, we enter this room, almost like a bathroom. Matt and the girl go the the left, and I continue straight slash go right. I am walking kind of toward the stalls. The bathroom is all white.

Dream 4-- Fucking Sydney

Don't remember this dream very well, I didn't actually have sex with her. I was watching, like a PassObs movie, Sydney having sex with another guy. The guy, when he cums, cums everywhere in a ridiculous fashion. It's like an explosion that unleashes upon the world, getting everything messy.

Dream Frag 2-- Ian Driving

I am in a car that Ian is driving. I am PassObs and simply looking out of the front window, observing the scenery as the car rolls forward. I hear a discussion about Ian as he is driving. There is talk about how he doesn't have money or something.


Dream frag 3-- Jim Carey Fucks a lot of girls

This dream was like a PassObs movie with Jim Carrey. The only scene I remember is Jim gets a girl on his bed naked and they are about to do it. As Jim unzips his fly, a HUGE 3ft dick starts to grow out of it. Then he starts having sex with this blonde girl.

Dream 1 (Fragment)-- Drying Myself

I am drying my legs off with a white towel. I can see myself dripping water and know that I need to get dry quickly because I am somehow in a living room with my family. They are watching TV and sitting in a couch talking, but I don't look at them or see what's going on, I am really focused on my legs that I am drying off. I have a white bathing suit on. I start thinking about how I was just swimming with the kids in my grade, and this turns me PassObs until I wake up.

Dream 2-- Book Battle

I am in the back back seat of a car completely filled with people. I am talking on my cellphone and the car is apparently in the SM parking lot. Stephen Li calls out the name of a book I want to study, and there is a game going on. You have to go over to the person and claim a space to study the book or something, so I know I have to move quick. I try to end the conversation on the phone, but it doesn't end quickly enough. I start to climb over the back seat and thus over people. Eventually I get to the seat behind the passenger and I look over a Stephen who is holding up some science fiction novel. One of my friends had called dibs so I assumed I would still get a spot, but he says that the book is full.

Dream 3-- Fake Dream Guide (Lucid!)

I walk into this hotel room and start talking to this fattish guy who is standing up in front of the TV. As we talk, he moves to the other side of the room and sits down on the couch while I stay on the side with the TV. I say in a commanding voice, "I know I am dreaming just like I know 2 plus 2 is 4 and 5 plus 5 is 10 so please be my dream guide." He tells me to sit next to him. I sit down in the chair near where I am and say No, we should talk across the room like this. There is a pause and he says again that I should sit over near him and I say ok, get up and move around the left of a wooden table and sit on the other end of the black couch.

He asks me what I want to know. I say I want to know how to become a better person. He says "You ned a great enthusiasm..." and continues to segway into this rant about college and how it's a great opportunity to explore. He starts talking about princeton and it's prestige. I tell him "it's funny you should mention princeton because I was talking to a girl tonight who went there, I go to USC" he goes "Oh, fight on", gives the victory sign, and high fives me three times. He changes his position to sit cross-legged on the couch like me and I stop listening to his words. I become PassObs and the dream slowly fades away.

Dream 4 (Fragment)-- Justice Jim Carey

Jim Carey is somehow the judge for my court case. I'm the defendant and I don't even know what I'm being tried for. While I'm the defendant, I'm simultaneously the camera that changes location and vision from person to person depending on who is talking.

Dream 5-- Skateboarding Causes Injuries

On this green basketball court, I'm with this girl who I think is in a strong relationship with me. We are leaning on some bleachers, facing a tall metal fence that leads into the basketball court. There is a skateboard on the other side of the fence. There is another guy there with black hair, he's white, and about my age, I don't think he's my friend or anything in the dream. He tells my girl to go jump on the board and ride. She starts to walk over but I try to dissuade her by saying "I had to quit skateboarding because it's really dangerous, please don't go. You don't have to do this." She says she's going to go. I see her walk toward the board and my vision turns black.

When I open my eyes, I am on the side of the bed of the guy who we were with. He is asleep in his bed and his face is bloodied to hell. His whole cheek is swollen and some teeth are missing. I start to think about what is going on as he wakes up and gets out of bed. His whole pillow is covered in blood and it looks like he had fucked up on the skateboard, ran home, and instead of going to the hospital just went to bed because he was embarrassed or something that I had given all those warning and he had still hurt himself. He starts groaning in pain, and the next thing I know, I am the camera looking straight at a white door in a house. There is a wooden floor and white walls, the door is at the end of this hallway with a the hallway continuing to the left. The door opens and the guy's mom is helping him walk down the hallway toward me and I assume they are walking to the hospital.

Dream 1-- Tryouts for Commedus Reloaded

I am trying out for the improv troupe at my school. We are in what seems to be a normal house, when one of the members of the troupe asks me if I want to go outside to play basketball. When we get outside, it is really bright, there is concrete group and I see the orange basketball on the side. I say something like I'm not warmed up yet and he says its okay anyway. We sit at a table instead of playing basketball, he put sdown a clipboard in front of him and starts asking me questions like he wants to get to know me. He is sitting really relaxed and I just answer as if it were a normal Q&A session.

Suddenly, I am sitting at another table in the same seat and there is a guy standing up and asking me questions. He is imposing on my personal space by getting in really close and he seems to be mean. He asks me about my education. He's like how did you like SM? I say it was a really good learning opportunity. Then he asks what would happen if I got on the troupe but then ended up working in a zoo and couldn't come to some of the meetings, how would I not miss the practices by working there. I get really confused by the questions, not thinking at all that it could be a trick to test my skills. I have nothing really to say except "I wouldn't miss it". and the guy responds "how do you know?".

I am transported again and I am sitting across from one of the other members. We have this ball that we pass back and forth. He asks me why I think I am qualified to take this job, and I give a boring answer, and then ask a really mundane question but the whole time I think I'm doing really well, I don't understand that this is a game or a test. I see others playing the game and realize how wrong I am. One guy gives this elaborate hypothetical about "so you are driving Africa...." and then he makes a funny gesture combination that makes it looks like he made Africa into a bong and that he is smoking it.

This leads to another member of the troupe coming up to me and telling me that I should check out the cinema club gathering and he hands me a bong. Everyone leaves, as in disappears, and I start to smoke alone. I load 3 bowls from this grinder filled to the brim with bud. I start to reflect on what just happened as I pace back and forth. Soon, I start to get super anxious from my thoughts about how badly I did on the tryouts. Then I realize that smoking makes me hyper-anxious and so I start freaking out that I just gave myself anxiety, which builds further anxiety, and I start having a really bad trip. I decide I can't smoke anymore and put down the bong as another guy walks into the room. He walks past me without saying anything, even though I realize I am not wearing a shirt at this point. I look down a hallway and see another guy who is just sitting in a chair minding his own business. I go extremely PassObs and wake up.


Dream 2-- Summer Vacation's Night

I'm in some tropical place, must be a summer vacation, it's night time and I'm walking down this sidewalk alone. It's on the outside of these nice hotels and just follows the shoreline. As I walk, I meet this guy and his girlfriend Molly. They are with this big bulky guy and his white/brown dog. We start walking along the sidewalk, presumably to get food before I go to sleep. The dog runs into this open gate as we pass it. Inside the gate are people playing and there is a pool.

I run into the gate following after the dog, and see him run around for a little bit and then just jump straight into the pool. The dog can't swim, so once it hits the pool, I see it just slowly sink down into the bottom without moving. I am paralyzed by what I just saw. I feel sad and anxious but I have no motivation to do anything, I wait for the owners of the dog to jump in. With that thought I see Molly's boyfriend jump in first on my left and then I get knocked to the other end of the pool by the force of the guy behind me jumping in as well. It was like he jumped in through me, but colliding with me made me float to the other side of the pool. I didn't even notice I just broke the laws of physics because I was so preoccupied thinking about the dog.

The guy brings the dog to the surface and slowly swims him back to land. As he's swimming, Molly is giving him shit from the shore saying like "keep the dog's head above the water!! lol" "You're going to kill the dog" " the dog will die lol". He brings the dog out and gives it CPR. It comes back to life. We walk a little ways and enter through these two big doors into a huge lounge area. Thereare a bunch of white chairs filled with people who are talking and eating. We find four free ones and sit. I apparently don't want anything to eat and the people next to me suddenly have hot dogs that they are munching on.

I start to reflect on what just happened. I decide it's time for me to go to sleep so I say bye Molly to the guy, who brushes his hair back and goes "What? (kind of offended) bye..." I walk back out through the door and then suddenly it occurs to me that the whole previous sequence of events was predicted in another dream I had and that I should have noticed the signs and woken up in the dream! I think at this point I am awake and that I had just come from a dream!!

I start talking to myself as if I am awake saying that I should've taken the initiative and jumped in that I'm passive and need to take more action. As I walk, I see two girls on a towel. One of them has hair legs and is trying to do a single pushup but fails and then collapses on the ground and flips over to her back. I keep walking past a hot girl whose chair is halfway submerged in water. I want to talk to her but decide not to. I walk by and act like I don't notice. She has a friend who is watching from a nearby tree. This friend tells the girl in the chair "you have to wait without waiting and expect without expecting". Something out of don Juan lol....

I keep walking and see a large group of trees being swept across the shore by a heavy current. It looks as if I am in a video game and the background filled with trees is moving past from right to left really quickly. I get upset at first but then remember that all trees were born from Earth and just degenerate into the earth again, there is a whole rejuvenating process of life.

Dream 3 (Fragment)-- Escape from William's

I am in this large mansion and it is night time. There is a large panic throughout the house, and we all rush into the kitchen. There is hardwood floors and hardwood cabinets. Kelly and I open a cabinet that leads to a secret pathway that we somehow know the location of and then we start to climb through.

I think I knew that the pathway was there because when I was in the other room I could see through walls and could tell that there was a tunnel that ran from a particular cabinet in the kitchen to outside.

Dream 1-- Electric Tron

I am walking on a ledge on the side of a mountain. It's dark and the rocks are grey. As I carefully approach these two doors in the side of the wall of this mountain, I hear a disembodied voice telling me I am resourceful and a Ninja. I immediately recognize that I am wearing a mascot's outfit of Sparty for Michigan. When I walk through the doors, which open like automatic doors, I envision three past jobs that I have carried out. These are blurry.

I come back to the present and realize that there are two guys, who I escaped from during my last job, up ahead. I pick up two large yellow pills that are floating and take an immediately right. I am suddenly a disembodied camera that I looking around almost panickedly. I walk into the theater and sit in the nearest seat on the side. As I look at the other people, I see that they are all wearing headsets and that there are flows of bright red electricity that jump from headset to headset and shock people at random times. I have an intuition that the movie is Tron, and I see some people getting uncomfortable near the front and taking off their headsets.

The person right in front of me takes off his headset, and I tap him on the should and ask if I can wear it. I put it on and suddenly I am Video Game mode where I am controlling this little grey car and trying to get it across this bridge. I get stuck on the side somehow and then I get killed. My friend Gcarlo is sitting next to me and I can tell he is controlling this other car that imediately gets driven off of the bridge.

We return but not to the movie theater. We are sitting behind these two girls, and Gcarlo asks one girl for a headset. I say "No he died so quickly" as I'm laughing. He just laughs too and the girl gives him the headset and a reese's cup. The girl is really pretty too, black hair, pale-ish skin, brown eyes. I go into passobs thinking about how I'm being a dick and should be nicer.

Dream 2-- Couple on a Boat

This dream occurs in two separate scenes that I think happen apart from each other in my dream sequence. The first scene I am the camera just looking at this girl who is on the right side of a paddle boat. She is alone, and there is this bush that is semi-blocking my view even though I'm pretty close up. I can still see her clearly, but the bush is like annoying. I think it's a commercial for a boat company because I hear this man's disembodied voice in the background. The girl is just smiling and the sun is shining in the distance and reflecting off the water.

The next time this appears, it's the same exact scene except now there is a guy in the boat. He is standing up and I can only see from his stomache down. He is wearing a button down shirt that goes all the way to his thighs, so I can't see his junk or anything. The girl starts kissing his knees and she looks really happy doing it too. She starts touching his knees with her hair, and its sensual or whatever, but she is still enjoying it. Then I go into PassObs about how I want a gf because even the smallest, most mundane things like that could be the most enjoyable things ever.

Dream 3-- Robbing 7/11

Daniel, some other SM guys and I are in 711 while the owner or shopkeeper guy is out. We walk around looking for stuff. We are just walking through the aisles, and three other guys say they are going to head out. I am a little nervous this whole time and feel like this is kinda sketchy. I'm thinking that the owner will come back and that maybe I don't want to steal anything anyway because of the ethical implications. S. Kup leads me around a corner and shows me where they have turkey and cake. I see that the cake is partially eaten and unwrapped and the turkey looks like its been cut into pieces for thanksgiving. I look up and decide to grab a box of something, but as soon as I grab it and start to leave, the owner walks in. Daniel is on his cell phone talking when the guy walks in so I have no clue what to do and the leader, Daniel, is preoccupied. I am frozen without a game plan, I don't think to hide or anything and no body else seems to be doing anything either but I don't look around.

The owner says that we need to each buy a rice krispie treat and pay 50 dollars in a nonchalant, disembodied voice. I start to walk back to the aisle and realize I already have the rice krispie in my hand. I am just staring at this see-through refridgerator filled with coke and having the coke sign on the outside. I go PassObs until the dream ends.

Dream 4-- Price of Poker (Lucid)

Somehow I am watching the movie Price of Poker, which doesn't exist in real life. It features Tom Cruise and Paul Newman, as if it were Color of Money. I am placed in media res (the middle of things). Tom and Paul are betting on a poker hand, but it's a game that I have never seen before. Both players look confident that they have the best hand. I see Paul has Q7 because I somehow teleport under his cards when he does a quick check and I don't know what Tom has. There are 40 something cards face down in a pile in the middle of the table. Tom bets a large amount, and Paul smiles and calls. Paul turns over his pair of 7s and Tom turns over a pair of 6s. Apparently Tom won.

At the same table, there is another hand being played between two people I have never met before. It's the same set up and everything. The camera pans over and my dad, who was sitting at the other side of the table walks over and is now standing up and observing. As the gameplay continues, I realize that the situation exactly mimics a story that my dad had told me about either in a dream or in real life, I can't distinguish, but after much deliberation, I look down at my hands and see that my right hand has 6 fingers. I am shocked and happy simultaneously, which causes me to wake up.

Dream 5-- Boxing Match

I am the Passive Video Camera for this entire dream. I start out looking down at a boxing match occuring between a white guy and a black guy. As I observe the fight, that was already taking place when I came in, I see that they aren't landing punches on eachother. It's not like they are dodging or anything, the punches just seems to not land for some reason, but they both look tired and it's getting intense. I can see the audience in the background and hear their shouting/cheers. At the end of the round, the white guy goes and hugs ihis brother in his corner of the ring. The brother is an identical twin and has a championship belt hung over his shoulder. After they continue fighting for a little, I am suddenly teleported to a scene that seems to be after the fight has been fought. I am looking at the white guy, who has orange hair and facial hair. He is getting interviewed because he won the fight. I go PassObs thinking about whether having the brother there was an unfair advantage.

Last night was filled with dreams, but I had really bad recall. It's interesting how this process seems to go in cycles and phases. This is the only dream that really stood out.

Dream 1-- Ali G. Interview

Walking into my sister's room, I see her on a mattress that has a white sheet covering it and is directly on the floor. Her room doesn't seem abnormal, but the layout is totally different. The mattress is set up directly in front of a T.V. that is the same one she actually has in her room. On the mattress it looks like she is talking into the T.V., and I walk over and lay on the mattress. The next sequence of events is rather blurry in my mind and I don't know if this is the definite chronology, but.. I look up at the T.V. and see that we can see ourselves in the screen. I don't go PassObs, which is a first, but I start getting excited how we are on camera.

My mind starts to wander at this point and I think about Ali G. for some reason. In my head, I see him on a catwalk with a bowl cut and a little mustache. He is wearing an all black shiny leather jacket with a zipper down the middle and the same color pants. He is walking straight, then turns to the audience and then continues to walk. I am kind of in awe of him because he can change his style so many times but people know who he is (or at least they know his fame). He can do whatever he wants and not be considered weird.

Then, somehow the whole mattress, T.V. and sister set up have switched over to my room, but every piece of furniture in my room is gone except for the mattress and a chair. Ali G. walks through the door as we are expecting to interview him for the show. I notice that he has the same obscure hairstyle as before, and also take note of the fact that it's 10 minutes before the start of the interview. I decide that I have time to talk to him a little bit and see what he is like.

He walks over and sits down on the chair. I say Hello Ali G. and he says hi. There is some conversation I can't remember, but then I say "I think Ali G. is the funniest movie ever." He isn't even looking at me when I say this comment, but when I utter it I see his eyebrows furrow in some sort of anger or disappointment, and I get completely PassObs. I feel like I just lied for no reason because I really didn't think that Ali G was the funniest of his movies, I was just saying it for some random reason. At this, I totally freeze up and start to regret that we are about to be on camera with him.

At the start of the interview, however, my sister does this slow motion punching combo with exaggerated sounds effects where she uppercuts me twice and then hits me in the face. I take this as a sign that she doesn't want me to be in the interview anymore so I act like the fake punches has killed me by exaggerating my reaction to them. Then I just lay on the ground beside the mattress until the interview is over. I go into PassObs thinking about how I fucked up and whether I should get up and whether my sister actually punched me like she did intentionally so that I would not be a part of the interview. I can't figure out these problems.

When I get up from this, it's night time and I am standing outside her room. We are talking about going to dinner but I am acting very distant, not looking at her and saying that I think I will stay in the house.


This dream, to me, suggests a lot of things about my personality. First, I like to exaggerate the importance of other people and downplay my own self-worth. Ali G. could potentially represent any person because I believe them all to be celebrities without any imperfections and with a much cooler life than me. I try to talk to them by lying and complimenting them on things that I don't genuinely believe to be true so they will like me, but this ingenuity, as my dream points out, actually pushes people away from me. What's worse is that I can discern my own deceit and then become obsessive about it, as if it's some sort of morality play and I just committed the greatest sin of the modern era. Now that I think I'm worthless, my sister aids in that feeling by fake punching me in a way that suggests to me that she wants me not to be a part of the interview. Because of my shitty feelings, I accept my own interpretation of not being good enough, take the blows willingly and even knock myself out so that I don't have to be a part of the interview. In this scenario, even if I had messed up socially, why would I miss the opportunity to interview Ali G just because I said something wrong and my sister didn't want me to? I think this dream, like many others, are showing me how I'm potentially controlled by the desires of other people when I mentally believe I am worthless. Why would I follow my gut if it leads me down the wrong path...? At least that's the logic of this inferior me.

Many of my dreams seem to be sending much stronger messages to me now either because I'm being more receptive or because I'm reading this book on symbols in dreams and archetypes. Either way, I'm really happy that I'm getting this information, but something I need to work on is implementing the advice of my subconscious and paying attention to when these things occur in the present!

Dream 1-- Last Day of Ninjitsu

So I am in some random location, talking to my friend, who is a disembodied voice. He is telling me that I need to come to crew because we are going to be racing. I have this feeling like I've missed crew for a whole week and that I'm nervous going back because the coach will yell at me. I find myself walking to crew in an underground tunnel filled with rocks. It seems like a huge pipe with an opening a little bit in the distance that has bright rays of sunshine pouring through.

Suddenly, I am walking into the second floor of this building that looks like a dojo or gymnastics center. There are blue mats on the ground and trampolines in the dark background. It's day time, and a woman approaches me and tells me to sit down with the others. I sit down and see Z. Cobb and D. Gillette sitting down, who were on the crew team but not ninjitsu. They are all wearing their black gis and I realize that I don't have one on, but I hope that no one will notice. There isn't any talking, noise, or visuals for a while. Things begin to happen in a blur. There is a large square of wood planks on the ground that seem to indicate the outline of a fighting arena.

Two at a time, guys square off against each other, but they never fight. I suddenly realize I am going last and that I have time to go and get my gi. I build up the courage to leave because I was unsure what course of action I should take, and I finally head out. I see sensei on my way out who asks where am I going, and I don't say anything but go out the door, which has one of those push paddings that unlock the door.

I don't need to use an elevator, when I get on the other side of the door, the next thing I remember is being outside in the bright outdoors. I am on a sidewalk next to a busy street with cars parallel parked in front of me. As I start walking to my car, sensei appears and starts talking to me. He starts to explain how ridiculous it is that I don't have my gi and how I shouldn't have left class 10 minutes before the end of the last class to get it. I start to defend myself by saying I wanted to wear it because its important and he refutes that it doesn't matter whether you wear the gi or not. At this I get really angry, shout "THATS WHAT I WAS SAYING" and walk a little bit away from him and then walk back. I notice that he is just relaxedly leaning against the wall with a half-grin on his face and his arms crossed.

I lean against the wall next to him and calm down and say "I'm sorry, it's just that if the gi doesn't matter..." and he replies that in "10 minutes you will be named the number 1 ninja of the class and you forgot your gi, what does say that about you?" I think about it, and turn PassObs. The dreams ends

This dream seems like the most blatant symbolism from my mind that I've experienced in a while. Obviously, I have projected some of the problems with crew onto ninjitsu and have created a similar situation in my head that is destroying some of my motivation. I am noticing an increasing trend of anger appearing in my dreams, which means that it is no longer being stored up inside and repressed, but that I still have to find a way to express my anger in real life. The most interesting way my dreams work is that the message seems to come across on a particularly succinct verbal level that almost clearly gives away the meaning. When my sensei says I'm going to be #1 ninja of the class, that makes me really happy. That's my goal and my ambition. But there is also the qualifying statement that I am obviously not very dedicated and organized in my life surrounding the practice. Although I have the skills and talent to perform well in ninjitsu itself, I lack the life skills necessary to function appropriately outside of it. Also, if I were truly motivated I would be the most professional possible. I wouldn't need to think twice about having my gi because being#1 would be so important to me that I wouldn't even dream of not having it! I contend that this little bit demonstrates how although being #1 is my ultimate goal I don't want to express it to anyone and even work to self-sabotage because I feel that I am not good enough to achieve it. I mean I achieved it in my dream and in real life even, but my mind is really bashing me saying I don't deserve it because either I'm not trying hard enough in real life for me to consciously agree that I'm dedicated or that I have a secret desire to let someone else have it. Either way, I am opposing myself and that's a huge problem.

Dream 2-- Mall Hentai

So I am in a mall, walking around. I see this white door with a silver handle and I decide to open it. Somehow before I even open the door, I teleport to the other side (my dream robs me of the ability to RC damnit!) and I am in this bedroom. I am looking at a bed, a messy room, and a computer in the left corner of the room. On the bed is a girl sleeping under the covers and a guy who looks like he is also sleeping. I look at the floor, and I see every pair of shoes that I own along with some random clothes strewn about. As I look from shoe to shoe, the one with my attention seems to have a glow of white light surrounding it and the sound of a specific tune plays. Each pair has a different genre of music depending on the type of shoe. I look up at the computer, and suddenly I am totally engrossed looking at the screen.

Even though I am still standing where I am, I have the visual of the computer monitor, and what's on the computer is surprisingly the exact scene that I am looking at! It has the bed, clothes and shoes, and me in the room. I go to the settings and change the settings of the bed. There is one box called level and I type in "6" with the quotes, which makes the bed turn invisible, so the characters of floating. Somehow I had done this in a previous dream without knowing exactly what I did, apparently I used a computer program.

As I come back into my dream body, I see that the girl is still under the covers, while the guy is face down in mid air, humping the air butt naked. They are frozen in space, and I just observe for two seconds before they start to move again and the bed reappears. The guy turns around and jizzes everywhere, and the girl wakes up and goes "aww come on not again." Suddenly, I am horny and a character version of me jumps forward from the left side of my peripheral vision onto the bed. My cartoon self starts having sex with the girl while the girl starts sucking off the guy. I'm just this random unmoving camera that can see this cartoon sex taking place and it's super weird. I wake up (thank god)

Dream 1-- CNN Reports Counter-Strike Cheaters

This dream starts out with me and my cousin talking about Counter-Strike. I am on a computer waiting for the game to load, and we are discussing how the game play has changed. Although he is talking to me, this is an instance of where I cannot see him. He is essentially a disembodied voice. He is explaining to me how there was a massive upsurge of people cheating on the game, so they decided to put video of the cheaters on the news every night when they found new ones. I thought that was really clever, and actually enjoyed playing the game.

I went into Video Game mode, where I was actually the character in the game for a while and played on this level where there are metal buildings. The roofs were rusted orange in patches over silver that was in a squiggly fashion. The ground was silver concrete, with some wetness (puddles). I think I was a counter-terrorist because my character had a black glove on and my usual pistol was a USP.

I play many rounds, killing people and having fun, but as I am playing I act like I am cheating. This is something I used to do in real life when I played, I would shake my screen (which is what observers see your screen doing when you use an AIMbot), I would toggle my mouse, I would spin, I would quick switch like 25 times after killing someone. All of these things would make people believe I was cheating after I killed them, which would boost my ego because I felt that I had so much skill that people would suspect of hacking! The real truth was that I basically gave them all the evidence to support that claim even though I wasn't doing very well at all.

In this dream, I am the character. In one round, I am on the roof of one building looking down. I see an enemy, quick switch to my pistol and then toggle my mouse to his head and head shot him. It was kind of a lucky shot given the distance, but I felt pretty proud of it actually. After he dies, I jump down from the roof and bunny hop (which is a disabled function in most CS maps) for about 4 jumps. The next round starts and I am walking along a metal fence. I see an enemy and pop him once in the face. His head explodes and I quick switch my weapons like 25 times in extremely fast fashion.

Once I'm done with the game, I am suddenly sitting to the right of a TV that looks like it's in my grandparent's house in their living room. This might make sense because my cousin used to live with my grandparents. As I am watching, the news comes on and CNN starts playing the replay of my entire session online! They show the game from my point of view, how my crosshairs would toggle before shooting someone, how I did bunny hops, and how I quick switched after killing someone so it looked like I was 'modding.' All of the evidence seemed pretty stacked against me actually, I would have been convinced had it been another person. I thought the whole thing was kind of ridiculous (funny and I was on TV for acting like a cheater really well), so I texted my cousin like "Wow they really do post it on the news haha I got busted."

Then I look back up at the TV and the news story has changed. The camera looks like it's in a helicopter flying over this large building over the sea. It pans to the right, and there is another helicopter right there with two guys in it. All of a sudden, I go PassObs and I become the camera, who zooms in on each of their faces. I see that I don't recognize either of them but they are both really happy. One guy is leaning out of the side window and the other guy is standing up through the sun roof of his helicopter. They are both white, one guy has black curly hair, and the other guy has brownish hair and he is wearing a white necklace. Somehow I think that they relate to a prize I won earlier in the dreams I had last night, which I can't remember what the prize was. I think about them and then I think about social situations in general. I come to the conclusion in my dream that to make friends the majority of the work is to make them like you, while liking them is not as important. That's a stupid conclusion lol.

Dream 2-- Winning a Prize to Meet with Brian

So in this dream I apparently wrote this paper about 5 facts of life. They were really on point and delved into some deeper truths concerning existence, but I'm so mad because they are on the fringe of my recollection and I can't fully remember them. Anyway, after writing this paper, I am well-renowned around the world, and I get a special prize, which involves me getting to meet the producer for Radio Disney. I had been working for Radio Disney for 5 years anyway so meeting with him was no big deal.

The big deal in my dream, however, was that we met in the Science building of my high school. We were in the main lobby, and he is standing up against a wall that has some posters, and a huge white board that he starts to draw on with a black marker. We talk about stuff, nothing important, and then I ask him who else is on this project with him. He starts to draw the names of everyone, and I recognize the name of the guy from Superbad, Jonah Hill, and then he gets to the end, and in the bottom right corner he writes "Kyle" in green letters (like Kyle from south park with his green hat) and then draws a line that needs to nowhere which is also in green.

My position relative to his changes in an instant, and now he is standing behind a wall of posters in the same location as before but there is no white board. I see this image of what is titled "Pascal's triangles" but it isn't the mathematical triangle that I would expect, it actually consists of these triangle intermingled inside these two human bodies. They make an interesting pattern and I think I can recall it, but the way it was drawn in the poster is actually unrealistic and unimportant in my opinion.

Anyway, I'm pissed I can't remember the prize that I won and the wisdom that I shared!!

Dream 3 (Fragment)-- Shopping Mall Realization

I am in the middle of this department store, which is loaded with females. There are white counters with workers behind them selling make up and various products. I can see all the products lining the counters right beside mirrors and lights. I also see aisles upon aisles of products for a woman to choose from. There are tall shelves that are stocked to the brim with various things from shampoo to eye liner and everything. As I am staring at all of this, I start thinking about why a woman would come here and why she would spend here money. Suddenly, I realize that women have no clue what they want. In fact, they go from moment to moment and make decisions mostly based on their emotions in the present, without using much logic at all. Their logic kicks in after the fact when they try to backwards rationalize their actions. This is why women want everything and nothing all at the same time. There is no way to predict, materially, what will make a woman happy or satisfied, and even if you get it right once, that same thing will in no way be guaranteed to work again in the future because her mood will change or the gesture itself will be less significant. Indeed, it seems that the 'meta' aspect of material goods truly satisfies the woman. If you give her earrings everyday, the first day she will be ecstatic and then her enthusiasm will slowly wane. If you give a man a massage everyday, he will pretty much be content with that reward forever. The 'meta' of the gifts are what the gesture represents and that the material goods in general represent. When women go out and buy expensive clothes and make up, they are looking to stand out and attract men. A man wouldn't normally walk outside in the frigid cold in a only a tight dress and high heels because it's fucking cold. A woman, however, might bear to stand it because of any number of reasons ranging from the extra attention she gets to only being seen in a positive light (girls are super uptight about reputation). This realization was pretty significant and it got me thinking about how being in a relationship with a girl might be easier than I thought. It's not so much about the material aspect, the physical aspect, or the words spoken or anything. It's the thought, the relationship as a whole, and the meaning behind actions! So, instead of focusing on the right words to say or something, it's more about what emotion am I trying to convey, how do I express this in terms of our relationship...

Maybe I'm totally wrong, my dreams aren't 100% reliable. What do other people think on this issue?

Dream 4-- Gendason's Magic Trick

I am in some random courtyard with Gendason, my college counselor, and a whole bunch of other students. We are talking about college. We are outside surrounded by white buildings. We are standing on top of concrete with some puddles around (what is up with concrete and puddles in my dreams?) and the sky is blue and the clouds are grey, making shadows rather than sunshine. As we talk, Gendason suddenly says Congratulations, and then, as if out of the sky, a whole barrage of booths and vendors appear.

To my immediate left, there is a woman selling necklaces and bracelets, which look pretty nice. Three people come to where I am and start talking to the vendor. This one girl shows interest, and the vendor asks her to put her address down on a sheet of paper, and the girl is like well where I live is temporary for the moment. and the vendor is like that's ok, write it down anyway. And the girl is like well I'm about to move and the vendor gets this really skeptical look on her face.

I walk away to another booth. I walk around see nothing of interest until I walk up to this booth where there is a laminated packet speaking about the truth of god. In the first paragraph, there is an underlined word, enermette, and I ask this black guy behind the counter what it means. He gives me some answer, and I respond with "wait, intermittent... inter means between and mittent means coming to send or go", when I say this Alec, a classmate, laughs and I look over at him. The black guy says "no it's a different word" but I don't want to discuss the topic any further, I just assume I am right and walk away (Clearly pointing out a character flaw). I look at this food shop where there is bags of popcorn on the poles holding up the tent, and the vendors are making lemonade and hot dogs and everything. As I look up I see this huge sign with a list of all the prices for everything, and I'm thinking that's bullshit that Gendason would give us all this just so we have to pay to eat! This sends me into PassObs and the dream fades away.

Dream 1-- Dinosaur at school

This dream is a recurring theme that I have noticed. Before, I had a dream in my house that I was being pursued by a T-rex. It was following me and leaving a path a wreckage behind. Somehow, I managed to trick it and found the time to exit the front door. The dream didn't stop there, I could see and hear the dinosaur continuing to wreck the house from the inside while I was safe outside. There were other dreams involving me getting chased to no end, but this dinosaur figure has been the most prominent and I think it suggests the helpless feeling my repressed "anima" has. I'll explain the dream and then get more into the hypothesis.

So I'm on this beautiful campus, which isn't really campus but is large, filled with people, and has tall buildings, walking around and minding my own business. I don't know how it started, but as I look behind me, there is this T-rex that is chasing me. I become immediately scared and start to run. The T-rex is this huge black/dark green figure and it's growls are more like screeches. No one else on campus seems to notice me running for my life or the giant dinosaur that is chasing me. I am mostly running on concrete, dodging these tall glass buildings that the dinosaur either runs into or just avoids.

As I come to a clearing, I realize it is a nice day. There is a giant grassy quad with a singular building at the end of it. I decide to make a run for it. I see people scattered around, but that doesn't concern me. I don't think to tell anyone or look at anybody because I'm too scared. I don't think to ask for help. I run along this pathway that leads straight to the front doors, which are tall glass doors with metal bars that you pull to open. There is a man wearing all white and a white hat standing at what seems like the front desk for a hotel. It's this pristine marble counter that glistens in the sun. The guy looks at me and smiles, but I have no time. I start running up this ramp made out of the same marble. There are silver bars one either side but I just disregard them.

As I am running up what appears to be a square-like spiral, I have this sense that I have a "mini-map" function in my head. I can sense where the dinosaur is in relation to me and I can tell where other people are. I can see all of this in a little icon that is similar to the one in WoW. Sprinting, I get more and more nervous as I see this green circle approaching my location. When I get to the top of the ramps, there is just a platform high above the ground. I look out to the quad where I started, and I see the dinosaur starting to head my way and the people walking around not even noticing. I panic and start to have an enormous feeling of dread. Not only did all my efforts fail, they ended up trapping me in this huge glass death box that now I can't escape from. Although I put myself up high, I separated myself from everyone and now I am forced to face the dinosaur without any chance of escape.

This dream says a lot to me about my subconscious and how it feels. The dinosaur represents my tyrannical parents, whose influence had to be avoided by my ego. My ego was running and running, overlooking other people and not explaining the problem to anybody because it seemed like they don't care or want to know, they are all occupied with their own lives. It finds this tall building, perhaps the salvation promised by reason and study and self-reflection. As I enter the building, I see this man in white who is smiling at me. This symbol is perhaps the key feature that will unlock whatever problem this dream represents. He could be a Dream Guide figure, who will know exactly how to stop the monster and save me from the pursuit or he could represent the character I want to achieve through the house of reason. I want to be this pure figure to other people, who smiles and is like the hotel clerk. So I struggle (seen by climbing up the ramps) to keep this facade and build up this persona, but the dinosaur knows exactly where I am and this persona actually ends up leading to an easier demise because I cannot escape. Interestingly, the building is made out of glass, so I can see out of it and look at the other people who are free, but I can also see the dinosaur. Perhaps this glass structure represents my own ability to see my dilemma clearly. I have a "window into the soul" so to speak. I feel like this dream indicates my need for either a dream guide or more serious self-reflection on my childhood. This dinosaur figure is truly bothersome and would require me to man up and become a hero in order to defeat it.

Dream 2-- DotA revamped

I used to play this game on Warcraft III for the PC called Defense of the Ancients. I don't feel like explaining it in any detail. Anyway, the game starts from the player setup and the graphics are amazing. The loading screen is a series of accented letters, such as several forms of A, one with a squiggly above it, one with a circle, etc., and these letters are accompanied by sound effects and a glow on the screen. The game starts, and I am dark green. I don't know how to play this version at all because it is totally new and revamped. The controls are the same, but the hero selection and item choices are all different. Once again, instead of asking people for help, I just try and figure out the entire landscape on my own.

I first scroll through the players and see what color I am, which is indicated by a blue x in a rectangle of dark green. Everyone else on my team has picked their hero at this point. Suddenly, on my screen I am presented with a huge list of possible choices for a hero. I decide to pick shiney because I feel like I know exactly who that is from my previous experience playing in the old version and I want to be sneaky for the first part of the game and figure out what's going on.

My hero appears as a zergling, along with everyone else's, and I go through the various shops to try and buy items. I only get to buy two things that seem rather irrelevant, and I am forced to go into my lane (which is the top lane) because the creeps have spawned. As I walk up, I am prepared for battle, and I know an enemy hero will be coming. I only get to my first tower when I run into the opponent and a massive swarm of creeps. He uses some form of poison cloud and it instantly kills me. I respawn really fast, run back up and then get attacked by all the creeps, who surround me and claw at me until I die again. As I am dead, I pan around the map to my allies to see what items they bought. I click on blue, and see he has a trinket that makes him invulnerable to poison (which would have been helpful) and five other items. He is killing the creeps with efficiency and not dying at all. There is also red but I don't have time to click on him.

When I quit, I come back into "reality" (which is still a dream) of looking at my computer which I shut off. I am not in the usual location that I would play my computer. I am in the upstairs library of my house facing a window. Suddenly, I get a pang of nervousness and anxiety that I haven't done any of my homework that I should have been doing and have been procrastinating. I walk to my room, which is right next door, and fall on my comfy bean bag chair. I look at a folder, but don't actually get anything done. I wake up.

Dream 3-- Classes and Mr. Gunin

I'm back on this campus with glass buildings, but there is no dinosaur. Instead, it seems like I'm going to and from classes, entering and leaving different buildings and talking to different people. As I walk into this one class, we watch an episode of south park on a screen. I go into PassObs and get enveloped in the show as I watch it, but I can't remember exactly what the episode was about. Suddenly, I am walking out of the glass building. I am outside on top of a small concrete passageway between two glass buildings. It appears as if it just rained due to the slippery and reflective nature of the ground. I decide to untuck my shirt and untie my shoes because I am dressed pretty formally. I have a dark blue button-down, grey pants and a dark belt, and dress shoes. As I walk through the next door, I see three of my friends, who run up and start talking to me.

They ask me about class, and I tell them we watched south park. They ask what episode, and it occurs to me that I don't remember specifically but I still try and explain it because I have a feeling that I will know what to say. I am stuttering horribly, however, and can't even recall the names of the different characters. I am consciously trying to recall them, and I can see pictures of their faces in my head even in my dream! I decide the one dressed in orange with the green hat is named Kyle, and I start to explain how the four boys were skiing. One of my friends takes the cue and asks if it was the episode where, and he goes on a long explanation of the episode. I don't know exactly but I am like yea that's totally it.

I start to walk away, and I am walking to the left of a nice looking lounge area. There is a black couch and two black leather chairs all facing a table and all on top of a carpet. As I am about to exit the building, I see Mr. Gunin walking on the other side of the door because it's made of glass. I become really self-conscious that my shirt is untucked and my shoes are untied because Mr. Gunin was the head of upper school and would hand out detentions for uniform violations. He smiles and says Hey Jay Max, his usual greeting and walks through the door. I go into PassObs thinking about how stupid I must look and whether I should fix my clothing.

Dream 3 (Fragment)-- New Dorm Room

I'm walking around this new dorm room, that is much larger than the one I am currently in and honestly looks nothing like this one. There is a bunk bed on the far left of the room, and I apparently sleep on the top bunk. I walk around just noticing different things. The floor is carpeted, there is an opening to another room that seems to lack furniture and is just an open space with window light shining through. As I walk toward my bed, I notice that there is a list of questions on a laminated sheet of paper hanging from my bed. These questions are review questions for the final exam that basically ask everything that was on the test. I get really mad/sad thinking that if this was here the whole time I would have easily passed the test so I must be stupid for overlooking this and I try to convince myself that there is no way that could have been there because I would have seen it. This internal debate makes me go PassObs and I wake up.

Dream 4-- I'm Bo Yo

I hear the song I'm Bo Yo being sung by Bo Burnham in my head. I am on the backstair case of my house. As I am looking at the wall, I see a framed piece of paper that has some of the lyrics on it, but they are all wrong. As I listen to the song he sings, I try to sing along, thinking I know what he is going to say, but he actually comes up with either an entirely new rhyme or I'm just stupid. Not being able to sing along brings me into PassObs and I drift out of the dream.

Dream 5-- Jerusalem Mystery

This dream was really long and complex. It was almost as if me and my dad were in a movie together and we were solving the crime as it was happening. This would make sense because my dad, whenever we watch movies, will always lean towards me and tell me exactly what he thinks will happen in the next scene or who the bad guy is or some other prediction, and it always annoys me how often he is right. I just sit and watch while he solves the crime. My passive role appears clearly in this dream, where we are going from place to place trying to collect clues and evidence, but my dad is doing all the work while I just watch and follow along.

The plot of the dream was really cool. We were detectives trying to solve the crime of a million dollars being stolen. I don't remember the whole dream due to it's length, but there is this one location in the dream that occurred twice. We are standing on this wooden dock, looking out at this lake, and there is various baggage floating on top of the water. It's a weird occurrance, but we don't know what to do about it. As we gather more evidence, we realize that the criminal is trying to blow up this city and escape to Jerusalem with his million dollars, which are locked away securely in those pieces of luggage!

We immediately return to the luggage and jump in the water, but we have to tread shallowly because we know that there are bombs directly underneath us. As we near the baggage, I blink and suddenly everything changes. In front of me is another dock, which I get on top of soaking wet. I am on a floating platform a little bit above the water, and I see my dad standing on the actual pier which is separated by a ladder. I climb the ladder, and walk down the pier, but realize I don't know where I am anymore. I look back to the platform on the water, and see that there are two people on it now, N. Whit and a girl. I walk back over and try to climb down the ladder, when I realize I am no longer wearing a shirt. Climbing down is really hard, but I manage it and once I reach the bottom the dream ends.

Dream 1-- Airplane theater

In an airplane with mom. We sit down in a very large craft, I think I am in an aisle seat. After a short while, I start walking around to see what is going on in the plane. As I turn a corner, the plane turns into movie theater and I am walking towards this giant screen in an open area. There is a U shape of seats surrounding the screen, but the seats look like the ones present in the gate when you wait for a plane. There are various people scattered around in the seats and they all seem preoccupied. None of them are looking at me, but I am looking around at them a little bit. I notice the ground is grey and there are windows out to the left of where I am walking. As I walk away from the movie screen, I see my mom sitting down in the second row of seats and I sit down next to her with a rationale that she is in a decent seat and we can watch the movie together. She is typing on her laptop, which is this small black computer in the dream. We don't talk. I go into PassObs and the dream ends.

Dream 2-- Fish City Grill

At first, I think I am driving my car into the Preston Royal shopping center in Dallas. This is my local neighborhood and I would go here all the time to eat, shop, and hang out. I am making a left turn into the complex from Preston road, and when I turn I start to go really slowly because I notice the entire lay out has change. It seems like everything has expanded and evolved from when I last remember. There is WhichWhich in a huge grey sign and a white arrow at the bottom pointing to the store. This sign hangs above a red sign that indicates another restaurant in the same location! As I find a place to park my car, I'm in autopilot, and focused more on looking around at all the changes. I tried to intentionally keep in my memory all of the names of the restaurants, but I can't at this point. I remember that the store right in front of me had a window in the front, and a dark red sign with it's name in white letters above the window. The corner store, that used to be Royal China, changed it's layout and there were glass doors that I could see through, and I saw this spiral staircase that appeared to go upstairs. In my mind, I felt like it had been replaced by a library. As I am walking forward, I see that basically everything is different, FCG is even in this new place, which is across street from its normal location.

As I am ready to open the door, my mom is next to me and she walks in with me. We go through the door, A PERFECT TIME TO RC (but I don't), and walk in. I feel very uncomfortable and I try to look to the left at the menus in order to avoid eye contact with the people behind the counter. Without really paying attention that the whole layout of the restaurant has changed, we continue to walk forward when I hear Mary, the manager, say hello. At this I get a fake smile on my face, almost automatically, robotically look over and say hello without even thinking. We walk over to her and chat for a little, it's the standard stuff. She is behind this wooden counter and I can see the chefs cooking stuff in the background behind her. We talk about college a little and I feel uneasy because I think I want to say something bad, but I have to hide it with a happy face.

We continue walking the whole time and go over to a table. This table is wooden and glossy, near the side wall of the restaurant. I can see a stony wall to my right, and some other people scattered throughout the restaurant. It's like I have extras in my dream or something to make it realistic! Then I go into PassObs because of the conversation with Mary and the lack of one with my mom.

Suddenly, we are outside the restaurant in a totally different parking complex and appear outside an ice cream shop with my dad, mom, Kaola, and another guy. My dad, mom, and I are walking to the car when Kaola and him go into the ice cream store while we wait. I shout something to Kaola about chameleonizing, and my dad talks about the antakarana in response. I say flatly, and curtly (which is really unusual for me, especially with my dad) "No, the antakarana isn't used to chameleonize," he just repeats the word, antakarana with a huge smile on his face as he sways from side to side with his hands locked in front of his groin. This is his habitual stance, and I apparently have recognized it's repetitive nature! I repeat firmly, without hesitation, that "no it's not used to chameleonize" and then I turn my back to him, something I have yet to do in real life.
They come back out, and high five each other but I put my hand up and don't get a high five. I feel bad. They don't even look at me it seems like. They walk around to the other side of the car while I go into the near door.

Dream 3-- Dying Cat

In my house and kitchen specifically. I don't really know what I'm doing there, but I decide that I want to feed the cat and fill her bowl up, so I start looking through drawers. One by one, I see they are filled with a layer of water. They still have all the normal contents in every drawer, except that the contents are floating on a layer of water! One drawer has a bunch of plastic containers to be used with the Magic Bullet blender, which is the first one I opened. I wonder why no one else can clean this up, and I start to get angry. I think about how we have a maid and she should be doing this work, and I think about how my mom is always trying to get me to clean stuff but can't keep her own house organized and something along the lines of "Why do I have to do everything to get things done."

As I am looking through the drawers, my cat walks in, meows, and I start petting her. She stands there purring. First I pet her shoulderblade and back. She turns her head and licks my hand. Then I go down to her neck and upper chest
I reach one of her "nipples" or something, and get a little nervous like she will bite me or react bad. She actually puts her head down to lick me instead. I can tell there isn't fur where I am petting so I feel like there is a difference when I pet this area from when I pet her back (I don't know if this is true in real life at all). I continue to pet her there and she raises her paw that's closest to me, I pull my hand away and she keeps her paw up without moving it at all. I continue to pet her. My mom walks in and starts talking to me, but I don't look up at her at all or even pay attention to the words she is using. (She is in a lot of my dreams all of a sudden). I am at the ground level and then I see another cat walk in. This cat is pure black if I remember right.

As I look back at my original cat, she is changing colors. Her fur is falling off, turning white, and where all the fur has completely fallen her skin is turning black, along with her eyes. I tell my mom "The cat is dying." She has this scary, holographic glow to her. Her eyes are black and green, and her whole body seems to look like the negative of a photo with the white and black being starkly contrasted. I have all of these thoughts about how my cat is dying and how it's sad. PassObs, wake up.

Now I'm worried that I just prophesied my cat dying! That sucks. I need to spend more time with her over Christmas Break if I can.

Dream 4-- Master of consciousness

This dream was rather long, but I'm reading a lot of book about consciousness right now. I can't remember most of the dream but it is similar to the dream I had two nights ago where I was writing an essay about consciousness. I was in the audience attending some lecture. Once again, there were people scattered throughout the auditorium. The curtains behind the wooden stage were red and all the chairs were red. I was sitting a little off center to the right, pretty far back. There was a speaker on stage who kept repeating that there were two key rules. The first was "Find and establish your presence" the second was "You have two bodies that dream of each other. You are both and can go back and forth."
I saw these two rules written down in text form on my iPhone "Notes" app, but I don't actually have my iPhone or anything out.

Dream 5-- Apartment Party

I am in this extremely large apartment alone. It's late at night, and I am relatively bored. I'm walking around thinking about what to do and where I am. I am sort of in shock at how nice this place is. There is furniture, various large rooms, and I walk into the bedroom. I call up my parents while I'm in the bedroom, but I don't remember even saying words to them I just remember putting down my phone at the end. I walk toward the front door, and I am in the living room, noticing that the floor is wooden, there is a carpet. On top of it there is a white couch and glass table with a wooden frame, with chairs on either end of the table. Looking past the furniture, I see Max, and another guy. I get relatively confused at first and so I walk towards to them to ask what's going on. As I walk, I look in the kitchen and see about 5-6 people having a good time. One guy has a couple of champagne bottles in his hands, there are a couple hot girls with glasses. They all have their hands up in the air and are shouting. I walk through the crowd and they don't even notice me, and I walk up to Max and ask him what's going on.

Him and his friends are leaning up on this counter to the right of me, and we are talking almost directly in front of the door. At this point, I don't think he told me anything directly about the party, but somehow I kept gathering information that pointed to that conclusion. We talk for a little, but I can't remember the dialogue, I think I got sidetracked from my original point by trying to act nice and not offended that he was taking over my apartment. I walk away from him and look around for a second thinking about everything in my head, then I walk back to him and ask how many people will be there
He walks over to this large chalkboard, crosses off 185, writes 170, and points to it. I notice that the number is written under LLL. I figure LLL is the acronym for the party, like LaLapaLooza, and I think 170 isn't that lage, immediately starting to imagine everybody in the apartment.

As I turn around, I am suddenly walking outside in what seems like the backyard of the apartment. It's this HUGE open area with a pool and grassy fields. There are cement walk ways also. Various scattered people again, doing their own thing. There are guys and girls just hanging out, and a couple of naked girls in the pool. As I look at these girls, suddenly, I am naked, and I have a purple dress in my hands. I decide that I should wear it as I walk back into the apartment to get some clothes. I don't feel nervous or embarrassed or anything actually, I am actually trying to think about what else to wear. As I am walking there is Josh from Drake and Josh to the left of me just staring and laughing. At first I try to ignore him, but I see him following me with his gaze, and I get really angry and look over at him and yell "WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME, LOOK AWAY" and he actually does it! I feel proud of myself, but wake up.

Dream Fragment 6-- Pull out couch

This was a dream from last night that I didn't get to record because of finals.

I am walking into a hotel room, and I approach a couch in the center of the room. There is a black TV to my right and normal blue couch to the left. The carpet is the same color as the couch. I have to move this table out of the way first, which resembles the table of the apartment but is much smaller. As I pull the couch out, there isn't any effort but I still hear the noise that I would habitually make if I were pulling out a heavy couch. As I pull it out I see two wooden sticks come out with the pillow at the end. This is my bed. I go into PassObs just staring at it and the dream ends.

Interesting night's sleep. Went to bed at 11:30pm because my room mate went to bed early to rest before his final. I didn't get to set my alarm because of that, so I was kind of upset.

I had pretty decent recall, but still didn't write notes during the night, which would dramatically increase my recall I think because once I get one little detail of a dream, the rest just seems to light up spontaneously in my memory. I didn't get a lot of deep sleep last night either sadly even though I was pretty exhausted. I woke up throughout the night and reaffirmed my intention to realize the dreaming state and look at my hands. Maybe this is working I don't know.

Mistakes:
1) No CAN, no alarm.
2) Didn't RC enough throughout the day.
3) Didn't attempt the indirect techniques upon awakening. I don't stay still and keep my eyes closed without the alarm, I need to just develop the habit.

Solutions:
1) Consciously RC throughout the day whenever I walk through doors and at random times
2) Bring up the intention to look at my hands in my dream
3) Before sleep, reaffirm that I won't move and will perform the techniques upon awakening throughout the night.

Dream 1-- Fighting my Grandpa

I am in this large courtyard. There are green tables with green benches underneath. The tables are circular and the benches are really just platforms that people can sit on. They look normal, I'm probably just describing it poorly. There are maybe seven all around this courtyard, which is grey slabs of something underneath me. It's day time and by some weird voice or just by intuition I am summoned to fight my grandfather in the center of this arena.

I put up my fists and so does he. I jab and hit him square in the forehead causing his face to recoil. He skins looks darker than usual, and he isn't moving around very much. He is semi-smiling and I punch him again. He starts talking to me but I can't remember what he says.

Why would I be fist fighting with my grandpa??

Dream 2-- Apartment Disturbance

I am in an apartment at the outskirts of some amusement park. I must be some live in employee or servant because I'm bored and there is nothing or me to do. I look around for something to keep me occupied. The room is dimly light by a lamp in between two twin size beds, which altogether appear as if I'm in a motel. There is a sink in the distance with a mirror behind it and a bathroom obviously to the right but its behind a wall with a painting on it.

As I'm looking around, I see a lot of cards in a pile. These cards have red backing with a white circle in the middle. Somehow these cards seem very valuable to me even though they are standard, 52-card decks. I start to collect them and put them in order. After a while, there is a knock on my door. I don't really know what to do and I'm thinking about a plan of action, but my body just reacts and moves toward the door and opens it without checking or anything.

This family of four walks in. It's a father, mother, son, and daughter. The son and daughter are blonde, with the boy being a little bit older than the girl. I don't remember many other specifics. Their excuse for knocking was that they needed directions to find a way out of the park, but I don't think I ever gave them directions. There is actually this awkward pause in the action between when they walk in and when they decide to leave. i feel like it's just a floating interim where nothing happens; no sounds, no movement, nothing. Then, after this little gap, they say well we better get going and start to leave.

I look around and say something along the lines of accusing the kids of taking my cards but in a joking tone. They say "awww" because I busted them and return some of the cards. I see cards like the 3 of diamonds, this card uniquely stands out in my memory. Somehow I know they haven't returned all the cards but I let them go anyway.