DarkestDarkness

23rd August 2021

Fragment:

Meeting L, mom's old friend from teaching. We're in the ramped bit going out of the cul-de-sac just in front of home. She comments that she taking some interest in me. I comment that it's nice for someone to take interest in you and she agrees. T is with us and it feels more cramped than it should feel, even considering this bit of pavement isn't that wide; it seems smaller than it should actually be and I think there's some clutter nearby too.

(gap)

Seeing T's room, it's a bit Japanese in style and actually quite big. Apparently it's his own flat.

---

Notes:

- Rest of recall was gone as I woke up to the sound of the doorbell being rung many times within a second or two. I got up from bed and went to check, nothing. I ended up concluding that it must have only been some kind of hypnogogic hallucination from still being sleepy, it wasn't a false awakening and there are no pranksters in the street, plus it would be way too early for it.

- I'm not entirely sure what could have brought on L as a dream character, I'm also not sure whether she's ever appeared before or not.

19th August 2021

Away from home at the time.

Scraps:

Something about a big drill at the tail end of a dream before waking.

Before that, something more adventure-like.

Another bit about S and A. But S was implied to have died and A was having a conversation with me, telling me all of this. In that moment I realise that was why we hadn't had any contact with her for a long time.

---

21st August 2021

Recall was good at first and dreaming presence was very decent too, lots of dreaming overall, but I was unable to write any recall down initially and it was left too long by the time I had another chance, meaning almost all detail was gone.

Scraps:

Something about dreaming and art.

Last bit just before waking, I'm doing something charitable for someone. I'm somewhere like in Scotland and I remember moving around a fair bit. (in what way?)

---

Notes:

- I cannot know whether my dream realisation about A's husband has any truth or not, since we still haven't spoken. Sadly it's been years since we last spoke.

- Dreaming about dreaming and art probably relates to some of the long-term lucid goals I have.

- I'm not sure if I was still away on the 21st or not, possibly just after I had been.

- I just realised while typing this DJ entry title that our host's husband passed away some years ago, perhaps this was what brought on the dream about A's husband, in some way.

16th August 2021

Left recall too long. Some in-line notes.

Scraps:

Some bit that initially takes place underwater but then it becomes more space-like, in a seamless way.

RT messaging me on Discord. (but about what?)

---

17th August 2021

Fragment:

(near the middle of a dream)

I'm in some kind of space station (implied) but it's also like a hotel. A character that looks like Major Kira (DS9) lives here but some other characters she knows are unaware (of the fact that she lives here?). Something fast-paced is taking place.

There was something else relating to me, but details gone.

(some later segment)

Outside at some ruins. It's dusk or something alike. There's a forest, maybe a pine forest. (I'm vaguely reminded of Hunger Games scenery, which I think at the time of this dream I saw MoonageDaydream had mentioned somewhere). I'm in a party group with MoonageDaydream and a random dream character. Moonage is separate from us at first, but then she comes to find us when I spot two solid chests (WoW) and tell the group to roll for the chests. I pass on rolling; I see the random DC's roll in a chat log.

Another three-person group approaches us. They take one of the chests, which I find annoying; I don't think we can do anything about it because they're not hostile. I think we guard the other chest until Moonage arrives, because it would be hers to loot I think. (On waking I realised it would have been a better option to open the chest without auto-looting and keeping it open until she got there)

(When I first spot the chests I think I wonder why I didn't have my treasure finding racial on. And all of this segment took place in first person but with UI elements present.)

14th August 2021

Had several long dreams but recall became very fragmented.

Fragment:

In a tower or castle of sorts. I have a position of power or influence, but whenever I try to get anything done find that my position is just a facade and a farce. At some point I'm in a treasure room of sorts. There are illuminated displays (did I mean display pedestals/stands?).

Then another bit, something about a sword in water, in a sea but nearer the coast. Looks a bit like Azshara. The sword is unique in some way and belonged to a female character?

---

Notes:

- I think the sword thing and possibly female character may relate to thinking of conversations I'd had with OccipitalRed. The dream theme reminds me of some medieval trope (Warcraft is a medieval-style fantasy too) and the water/sea most likely relate to their non-conscious symbolic aspects.
-- Interestingly I associate Azshara both with the land of that name and with female Naga in general. There's a lot of close associative linking going on here.

- At the time of the dream, the position I had in the dream seemed relevant to something relating to waking life, but I cannot recall what anymore.

8th August 2021

Fragment:

At one point I'm in the bedroom with H. It's morning but the light is wrong. The sun is towards the end of the street. We keep hearing noises outside interrupting our sleep and we check out the window a few times. At some point through this we hear a woman and man, struggling or fighting, we think. H looks out the window and asks her if she's OK and if she needs help. She says it's fine, but I think the man is upset still. They look fairly local I think. Then a taxi thing comes by and picks both of them up? It all happens somewhat fast.

Later, we're in the car. We go around the roundabout in front of where the civic centre is supposed to be. We remark on how it was all changed, with this newer and bigger roundabout that has a glass dome building and gardens and so on in the middle of it. I comment "but still, there are no seats? what's wrong with people? first they don't like being outside, then they need to be outside but aren't allowed and then they are allowed and there's no incentive".

Fragment:

Something on a space station. Me and H are reclaiming it or something and we need to get something, I don't know what, some modules maybe. I remember seeing the station from the outside, in a sort of 2.5D view and it has glass on the side, or is shown as a bisection, like in some 2D and 2.5D games.

---

Notes:

- The arguing couple may partially be residue of one of the couples in our street, who are frequently getting into domestic arguments, and the man has been arrested on occasion.

- The angle of the sun would have suggested mid/late afternoon, but the colour and so on indicated morning.

- My thoughts on the roundabout mirror some of my waking/conscious thoughts on that sort of topic. In the dream, the area inside the roundabout was much larger than in reality and partially under construction. Come to think of it, the way we were going around it was reverse to what it should have been.

- The space station is probably some Starbound residue.

5th August 2021

Fragment:

(mostly the second half of a dream)

I'm arriving at an airport, supposedly in L. I'm with H. We walk in through a tunnel I think, like from a subway. We're approaching a check-in queue area. It's packed and it doesn't seem to be moving at all. There's a covid context but with relaxed rules, making me feel generally apprehensive.

This is on one of those upper tiers, though this dream location doesn't quite relate to any specific bit from waking life. There's sunlight at an angle, brightness and colour that makes it feel as implied early morning, just after sunrise. Seems like it would be hot but in the dream I have no recall/sensation of temperature.

Mom and dad are here at the queue. Mom is impatient and suggests to dad that he might use his airport credentials to hurry them through this. Dad doesn't want to, but he does start a conversation with the woman at the desk. She says that the airport suffered a virus attack a while ago and all the flight schedules are therefore inaccessible (among other problems?). Dad says something about how she could use pen and paper?

I think to myself that they really should have an on-site IT crew to deal with this sort of thing and that they should restore a physical backup to the system.

(gap and recall is fuzzy)

A few things happen while waiting around. At some point H isn't with me anymore.

Then I'm outside, it's night time now and I'm walking along some hangars, on a typical road that has a stone wall and forested area to the left. I feel I am going away from the airport. Three 1950s-ish cars, all black and kind of sportsy, go past. I make note of their headlights as they go past, with a pretty circular shape. The ground is wet? I end up walking through a residential area of sorts. It's more like overcast daytime now. After a short climb of cobble stairs or something, in a parking/loading area in front of a warehouse, I see three police officers and a police vehicle of some kind (a van?). They are fighting, two against on. Those two aren't real police officers, I feel, but I am not certain.

They're restraining the third officer, a woman with black hair and pony tail. All their outfits are completely blue apart from a bit on the back with POLICE written in English, in white letters. Uncertain that I'm doing the right thing, I spot a serrated knife with a wooden handle (like one from our WL kitchen) and I pick it up and sneak up to the officer restraining the woman. I stab the restrainer in the back, with a lot of force to be sure I can get through the body vest.

He falls over forwards and the woman gets away to the right, taking cover behind the police vehicle. The other fake policeman draws a gun and I hide/take cover behind the body. He shoots at me but hits the body a couple of times. On the ground is a Beretta, which I pick up. I wait for a moment and then come out of hiding from behind the body and shoot the fake police officer in the head, he looks surprised as he dies.

The woman urges me to get in the car with her. I do and we drive a short distance back to the residential bit. We talk and I tell her about the dodgy cars I saw earlier. I tell her the drivers had white racing helmets and seemed to be up to no good. We drive over two oncoming cars on a descending ramp bit. It was accidental but it all seemed fine actually. In the car, I'm trying to find more ammo, because I think that I only have eight bullets left. She can't manage to tell me where more ammo might be, but I get the impression there is none.

At a certain point we need to get out of the car. It's still wet, and raining now. There's a lot of water flowing through some cobbled part of the path and it looks like there's a bit that's in disrepair where the water is flowing into.

Eventually I start running, toward the airport area I'd originally come from. I pass the hangars. I see SWAT police reinforcements ahead of me. I get to a more open area and there are implied signs of a massive explosion (but not really) under a huge commercial jet. Some music like "New York" plays but New is replaced with Zoo. I look for survivors and am told by someone (a narrator?) that these two people on a corner, a mother and daughter are the only survivors, supposedly because they were under a blanket together at the time of the explosion.

The mother and daughter were implied to have been victims of incredibly horrible burns but when the blanket is removed they just look like those wooden mannequins artists use for reference, but they have stylised (and real somehow) eyes that move. The spherical and cubical wooden blocks that make up their bodies seem pristine.

I realise something about barrels and explosive atmosphere mixture and how nobody should have used firearms. I fall to my knees crying (and wake up shortly after, with leftover emotion).

Notes:

- In the dream I did not realise how odd it was that the mother and daughter looked like wooden mannequins but still felt like real people. After waking and recalling the dream, I think about how this could have something to do with how trauma is processed, but I find myself unable to relate to this specific experience in that sense.
-- This is one of several dreams recently where hard and pure geometric shapes have made an apperance. I am not certain why this is, though a week or two ago I returned to practising basic shape drawing, something I'd been lacking in and on the other hand, I recently read up on Platonic solids and something else related to that subject.

- Essentially there were two viruses in the dream context, Covid, and the computer virus.

4th August 2021

Poor recall, didn't feel particularly motivated to write initial notes either.

Fragment:

First I'm in some kind of hidden little place. It reminds me of a chapel. Arabesque. There's a woman and she helps me in some way? I stop some psycho in our midst from killing someone because I already knew he was going to try something, as I saw a hidden blade in his hand, but I wait until I can catch him in the act.

There's some context of a cult. Cho'Gall makes a brief appearance, we speak or maybe I eavesdrop, not sure. At some point I'm getting ready to leave and everyone is wishing me goodbye. I have a lot of things to carry, two backpacks and some other items, plus my old boots to carry in my hand because I'd put away my newer ones in the backpack by mistake. I feel pressed so decided I should swap them later on.

(gap)

I'm outside, at the entrance to that place. It's a little secluded cove bit, with sand, water and so on. It's sort of below a bigger hotel complex that is on top of a reinforced hill. (certain aspects remind me of old home but details are gone)

At some point, I start jumping from place to place, over the water. I find some secret collectible books and think that they are quite obvious finds and that they need to try harder. At the edge of town(?) or something, there are some ancient ruins, half Greek, half Elvish. On some level, I dismiss this as part of an asset mismatch or incorrect loading (as if this was part of a game).

(another dream later on but recall was lost)

---

Notes:

- It's peculiar that Cho'Gall appeared in the dream. He's not a character I've ever had any particular attraction to but also not an unmemorable character for me. Considering his intellect in lore, I feel that his symbolic meaning may relate to brutish wisdom or some part of hidden wisdom, a concept a bit reinforced by the fact that he is a cult leader, both in this dream and during certain events in WoW lore (i.e. Cataclysm for one?).

- There was something familiar to the architecture both of the hotel and the "hidden" chapel place, reminds me of some hotels I remember we stayed at when I was a kid.

3rd August 2021

Fragment:

I am in some kind of complex, a lab or hospital. Something about hand gel at the entrance and an old man (part of staff) is commenting on its futility. Dark and moody environment, maybe some red lighting.

(recall gap)

I'm in a car with my cousin T and our aunt B, plus someone else I can't recall anymore. My aunt is driving and I'm sitting in the middle at the back, with T sat to my right. I'm kind of slumping and when I try to do something about it, it feels like not much changes. Our arms are touching in some way that feels kind of sensual, I feel that she is feeling as I am feeling, that it's a good sensation but that we shouldn't be doing it. On some level I'm concerned someone in the front of the car will notice, but on another level I also feel myself not caring.

In the dream I think about how I haven't felt this specific pleasure of touch in so long, (as if it had been years).

31st July 2021

Fragment:

(chronology and order a bit messed up in recall)

I'm travelling through space back to Earth. I have to travel so far that it takes two hundred years to get back to Earth. It's implied I use some kind of cryogenic sleep and for me only moments seem to have passed between all the travelling. But I remember time spent during travel. At some point I fiddle on with a mini-disc player that can supposedly output video signal around the back. I have some frustrations with the player. I note that its model is an "MD-6" and recall that it looks a bit like a high end CD player we have in our bedroom in waking life.

This mini-disc player is on the floor and this bit looks a bit like my parents' old room. Where mom's study used to be, the enclosed balcony bit, is like a viewing area and I can see into space; it extends further than it would in waking life. There's a planet or two and a star, white? Space is pretty black and realistic in that sense of it.

I think about how mini-disc as a format wasn't meant for video output and understand that to be part of my frustrations with getting the unit to work (the way I want it to?). I don't recall a screen or what the video was anymore, but I do recall watching some of it.

(gap)

Some other part aboard the ship, talking to another crew member?

(gap)

When I get back to Earth, the year is 2400 or so. There are alien overlords of several species, dealing with unrest on Earth. I do not feel opposed to their presence, but I feel annoyed at all of it in general. One of the alien overlords is a giant and grey scaly creature, which I like the look of. Another one, whom I'm with in a semi-circle room with a glass dome, is a bit bigger than the average human and looks yellow and a bit chubby.

(gap)

I loop back to returning to Earth on the ship again. This time, by the time I'm back on Earth again, the year is 3500. Humanity is (apparently) incredibly advanced now. I am inside a structure, a latticed sphere building of some kind, which likely wouldn't work with conventional construction techniques, I feel. At the centre of this structure, there are platforms and some humans.

The humans are gene editing themselves, they look very different from how a human should. I remember some are much bigger and some look a bit stretched in some sense. There is some kind of weird mohawk fashion going on. I think I have some thoughts on this.

I feel annoyed again, about so much time having passed since I was last on Earth. I think about how they have all this technology and they didn't do anything about me needing to return to Earth with cryogenic sleep. I think I feel myself partly loathing them and partly feeling distant from them because I am essentially from the past.

29th July 2021

Didn't make any initial notes for this, just left the recall and ended up doing other things all day.

Scraps:

Some bit in a "mall", but it actually looks like a 1500-1800s palace of sorts, English or Germanic style. There is a large open courtyard area and something about a rebellion or conflict happens, I become the leader of a defence force for this "mall" and start giving orders to impromptu soldiers, who wear some sort of appropriate medieval soldier outfit, wearing flowing yellow tabards with a white trim. Some of the helms have plumes, blue?

At some point after that, I climb up some place high but it also looks like the area outside H's village. There's some kind of pipe organ structure but it's half-natural or built into a natural area. I activate something, a mechanism of some sort.

Then or before that, something about a car and being driven around, with H driving I think.

(rest of recall has all faded)

28th July 2021

Several bits around the same theme of survival.

Fragment:

I'm watching a video, or TV broadcast. It's about a survival show on a large island. They're saying "in our previous show only a few survivors could manage to scratch a living but now up to seven million tribals will be competing!", something like that. There's this image super-imposed over a panning view of a tropical island. The super-imposed image is an idle animation of some white tribals posing together, forming a sort of pyramidal composition as is often seen in group photos. I think to myself that the older existing tribes won't take kindly to such a number of newcomers.

I also think to myself that I'd rather be there myself, playing, rather than just watching TV.

(transition or recall gap, chronology got messed up in recording the dream)

I'm on a sandy and sunny beach, it's near noon judging by the sun. I later become aware that to my left there is a jungle or forest area and further left and close-by is a ruined town or city. I came out of some kind of drop pod and I see someone else who just has too. I'm not sure whether or not I should trust someone else at this point.

Then some raptors about our own size appear and they start harassing each of us. I hit them with something and try to grasp them by the neck and try to twist and break them. I possibly kill one or two and help the other person out, a woman. Then when we're in close proximity, one of the raptors is trying to steal something from me, and it succeeds. I try to catch the raptor and it behaves like a cheeky dog and I may be slightly annoyed. The woman recommends I let go and don't bother chasing the animal. I eventually let go and the raptor stops being cheeky and just ruins off into the ruined city.

(recall gap)

Still with the same woman? She needs to send an e-mail to someone and I know there aren't many places where she can do that, here. We go into a building that I was in before at some point in the dream. Inside, it's dark. Lots of dark brown colour, like rust. There are many mechanical mechanisms and there are a few desktop computers set up in a cramped corridor.

There are many things here that I know to have been set up by H in the dream. I sit at some chair or something in front of a computer. I'm trying to change the plugs around back so that she can use this old Windows 95 machine, because I still don't fully trust her and figure that this way she won't be able to release any viruses intentionally, or accidentally. For some reason I'm struggling with the plugs. The video connection coming out of the W95 machine is almost like a USB but the shape is slightly different and won't fit into the even weirder input shape on the other computer, or screen.

I eventually give up and just let her use the normal computer, feeling that I can trust her just enough anyway.

(recall gap)

Something about another building or another part of this same building. There's some small weird water gremlin bug thing... In actuality it looks a bit like a grey coloured shrimp but in the dream I think of it as crayfish. I am nervous around it because it moves erratically and I don't like its look and the look of its "whiskers".

---

Notes:

- The next day, I was using some Firewire stuff with H to set up a microphone for me to use. At the time, that made me think of the USB-like plugs in the dream, because Firewire is not too different in the physical look of the ends and its intended purpose is similar anyway.

- My nervousness around the grey creature was related both to shallow standing water in that area and also to the residual feelings of fright or jump-scare I still get from, for example, some arachnids.
-- I do not particularly like shrimp, neither in look or smell, though I can't say I recall their taste. I always thought they looked a bit too "bug"-like to eat, despite their popularity in my native region.

- I had to look up crayfish because I couldn't actually remember what they looked like; the dream creature really didn't resemble them.

27th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm climbing up some semi-ruined concrete structures. A kangaroo person of sorts is following after me.

Then, something about needing to go to a supermarket and something about school. I'm on a flat rooftop and I get a bag with stuff in it?

Fragment:

Something about playing a level 83 warlock. Unknown zone, hilly and deforested, partially ravine-like with cliffs on either side and there's a river running along the centre. I meet a bear form druid that tells me to look out for a tauren hunter in the area. The druid is level 110 or something. In the dream I know max level to actually be 80 but I understand that it can go up to 110 to gain some small extra bonuses or something.

At one point I see the tauren hunter in the distance. He's across a lake area where the river ends. On selecting the hunter, the profile status bar is green, not red, implying he's not hostile. I think his pet is finishing off a mob while he loots or skins something else.

Fragment:

Something about a flood of blood wine and a group of five or six klingons, we all need to drink so much of it in order to get away or be able to call a lift. There are disagreements on what to do and who should be doing what.

---

Notes:

- I used to be more into Star Wars than Star Trek but over the last few years I've spent some time re-watching Star Trek stuff that I had mostly forgotten about. In Star Trek, most races and characters fit certain symbolic archetypes and motifs very easily, so I think situations such as this with the klingons draw from that aspect, partly based on my conscious and non-conscious perceptions and thoughts about the lore.
-- Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've dreamt of klingons.
-- I'd like to write some thoughts on potential symbolic aspects but a bit too tired right now.

- Unfortunately I lost visual recall of the last fragment because I left writing these for a couple of days without thinking about them again in the meantime.

22nd July 2021

Unsure if this actually took place on this day or some other one further back. I had initially casually mistaken these dream memories as actual waking memories.

Scraps:

Something about power being partly off in the house? I remember I use my computer but I don't really go online for anything at any point, so I don't notice any issues, it's only when H comes in and points something out that I understand that there even was an issue of any kind. I think it's an early time in the morning, but not sure what. (Possibly related to waking at 6:30ish the other day.)

---

Notes:

- One of the factors of having mistaken these as waking memories was the realism/general accuracy of the fragment, it was only on discussing the memory with H that it really did seem odd and not completely logical.

20th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm with H I think and someone else, a woman, maybe a lead character from something. At first we're "silently" killing Combine soldiers with desert eagles as we descend through a compound via some long and wide stairs, not unlike those in HFC instances although the setting looked sort of Half-Life-ish I suppose. (I say "silently" because the guns are actually stupidly loud but if we kill the soldiers with one shot or two very quickly, nobody else is alerted even if they are standing next to them)

I'm constantly low on ammo as I can see on a Half-Life 1-like GUI. I feel the other two are picking up all the ammo and leaving none for me, probably not on purpose. Near the end of this segment, we screw up a silent kill because of the distance and gun inaccuracy, all of the enemies have now become alert and we have a kind of stand-off at a landing on the stairs, we have the higher position. We use smoke grenades to force them to come a bit closer to reduce ammo waste, especially since I'm so low on ammo. I recall I have an UZI that I swap to but see that it only has two bullets left and become annoyed, since my DE is about to run out too.

Then for some reason, lots of food stuff is out next to us in the middle of all of this, tinned food mostly.

Fragment:

Near the end of this fragment. Something about a facility with a reactor in it, which has been running on edge. Earlier in this dream I was at this location but many years in the past, and this present is a time of post-destruction. Someone wants me to have a look at the reactor.

(The area of this fragment reminds me of a deathmatch map from HL1 that I must have spent a considerable amount of time playing in with my siblings.)

17th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm in an office building of some kind, maybe a hospital. It's well lit but there are no windows and it's mostly corridors. I'm with someone I think and we get to this bit that's like a waiting area, with chairs. There are some people sat on the chairs. The walls are a neutral colour, maybe cream? There are two doors on the same wall, some distance apart and with some of the chairs in-between.

I think we wait around for a bit but then the person I'm with is supposed to go in, so they do. I think there's a doctor but I get a feel of radio presenter too somehow.

(recall gap)

I have to leave and reach some elevators. I call a lift to go up. In the dream I don't find this odd but in the dream there was the feeling that I was somewhere high up already. The doors for the lift on the left open. The lift is there but sort of stuck at a lower level. I assume there's some kind of sensor malfunction and feel myself sort of sighing, slightly annoyed. I call it again with the button on the wall and it moves to the correct position.

The lift is one of those more commercial ones, like ones I've seen in malls. I think I enter the lift and there's a transition. Then, I'm outside somewhere supposedly nearby the building I was in. I'm in contact with the person I was with before, not sure how. I then need to enter some sort of or small octagonal building or tent but it's guarded. Something about a remote controlled hand that would help me.

(rest of recall had faded)

---

19th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm on the bed with H. We're opposite each other and our positions are width ways relative to the bed. The bedroom light is on but I don't think it's night time. We're playing sexually and I feel myself go prematurely for some reason, possibly overstimulation. It seems I made a mess on the bed, at spots that don't make sense for the angles involved, but I don't realise this during the dream.

Then I suddenly become aware of a black cat being to my right, around the middle of the bed. The cat looks relaxed and resting having only momentarily appeared surprised. It looks like the small female cat that we sometimes see in our street. (which I had seen the previous evening)