non-lucid

1st December 2020

Dream:

By the end of a dream sequence. I remember some editing interface, like video game authoring tools and sort of in focus, there's a female furry character. A white wolf lady with red-ish accents on the hair on her head. She was part of some kind of animated sign or billboard and had a stylised drawing look to her. I felt curious or interested, but distant in terms of personal connection. I scrubbed through the animation a few times.

The surrounding area looked like an alleyway of some kind, a street. There were metal-ring fences and such like, some warehouse type buildings. Sunset.

In the editing interface there was some sort of point and click thing that allowed me to find the source files of textures, sounds, anything really, as long as it was visible in the dream reality and I had the correct and corresponding editing suite module in interface focus.

(recall gap)

Near the end of a second dream sequence. I was walking around with JC, from school, in a town I don't recognise. Not dissimilar from the previous area, but morning time instead now. It was an industrial/commercial estate type area and there were covid-related queues for getting into shops. I remember feeling I had no patience for such things (queuing etc) right now. JC was as I remember him; soft face, somewhat short but around the same as me in reality. Perhaps he seemed shorter because he still looked younger.

We walked past a car stuck in a queue at the entrance to a parking lot area, part of a superstore/shop. It was a blue colour, cerulean like? Like a VW Beetle, but not? JC was in a suit, kind of like JSco might have. He was infantile and yet, mature in some sense. That's how I always felt about him, I now realise.

I have my casual clothes on. Sweat pants or whatever which I wear both for lounging and for work. Black nylon t-shirt. As we walked, he commented "I want some GTA pussy, you know?". I don't remember replying. Then he continued "It's been a long time."

His voice didn't sound at all like his actual voice and he spoke in perfect English with none of our native accent. I didn't notice any of this during the dream.

I remember as we walked along I thought to myself "Great, he's gonna be trying really hard, I'm gonna not be caring and one of these girls will just hit on me instead of him; that would be typical."

We reached some dead-end looking bit. Concrete-y. Breeze blocks or something like that made up a low wall, damming up earth and whatnot. There may have been a staircase up and through one part. On the top of this low wall, there were heads, some kind of digital representations/avatars or holograms of girls from the neighbourhood and the local school (college/high school). There were a lot of fake blondes? I forget how the heads looked exactly but they didn't seem out of place, somehow. JC sort of inspected each one as we kind of circled around this bit.

The dream ended soon after, I was woken up by the door.

---

Notes:

- It's possible these were two separate dreams, but I had a feeling they were linked in some sense.

- JC is one of many friends I had at school that I got along with fairly well, but characteristically, after college I never really heard from him again and he didn't seem too interested in keeping in touch. I remember walking with him in town a few times and having long conversations, probably mostly about games though.

- Although we shared a common name, physically we were very different and though he wasn't any weaker than me, I always thought he appeared somewhat meek. In this dream he sort of had an aura of over-confidence contradictory to how I knew him, which would have been more over-cautious than anything. In essence, the dream character as a persona was someone else, but took on his physical appearance. In the dream I was my current age, but perhaps with a younger style of thinking.

- I may have seen a furry character before like the one in the first part of the dream, though I'm not certain if my brain was referencing anything specific. It felt like she was her own original thing, despite what I might consider to be a stereotype representation.
-- On further thought, I found out about the sub-culture when I was in my mid-teens, which was also around the same time as I knew JC.

- I don't know what the "GTA pussy" thing was about really, but even in the dream something felt out of place about it. Part of me realised on typing my initial notes that we really have no control over what our friends say sometimes and how we have to just get on and live with it or do something about it and potentially get into a conflict with them.

- My over-analytical view of this dream is suggesting to me now I should probably try to do some more serious inner work on these subjects.

29th November 2020

Fragment:

Some part about being in a car with dad and he had an accident or something and then stuff repeated itself. I think it was mostly a light collision but I lost the details.

(recall gap)

Another part where I'm cooperatively going around with another dream character (male, stronger?) and we need to reach some kind of extraction point but while avoiding a military presence that's nearby. There was an APC on a hill or bridge and some kind of gunship.

I remember deviating from the straight trajectory we were on and finding a flatbed with a rocket turret mounted on the flat bit and used the turret to shoot the gunship down or whatever it was. I had a temporary cloaking buff that prevented my detection.

This part had started off on top of a green-ish hilly type area. Then nearing the extraction point with the military presence there was a forest but there were lots of orange tones, dead leaves and leafless trees. Daytime all the way throughout.

Then I carried on and met up with the other dream character I was originally with, we were in some city area not far. Grey-ish and concrete-y. There were pits? Some green liquid at the bottom of the pits. Vague recall of tall buildings and cracked foundations and cracked streets, which was where these pits or ravines were. I remember a cage at some point. Either I got stuck there or the other character did.

There was more to the dream but I took too long to start writing and forgot too many details despite the relatively vivid details of the dream.

---

Notes:

- This dream was originally quite long. Recall has actually not been particularly poor lately, but my DJing has been lacking, mostly because I have been waking up too tired and lethargic and so if I do start writing the recall is usually fading or gone. Also often by the point I realise I could have written something down, I have already slept again since the initial recall or have simply not bothered because it has felt too tiring to try.

- The area where dad was driving was thematically similar to the remainder of the dream.

22nd November 2020

Dream:

I was sitting at a desk and there was a piece of paper; it was blank or had something recently drawn on it. I wanted to practice doing buildings and started off with a very simple rectangular one. I wasn't being able to keep the lines steady in any direction, which annoyed me.

Then, next to this building, I started drawing another building starting with a sloping roof and then drawing in some windows but then quite soon I was drawing these small cross sections in parts of this building and these sections started draw themselves full of complete scenes of what the rooms were like. I kept drawing cross section bits and adding in small details and finding details adding themselves to the drawing. As I kept my focus on drawing, perceptually, it started to feel like I kept getting closer and closer to the paper.

Very gradually and seamlessly, I entered one of these scenes but I could somehow still see things sort of in cross section, like in a 2.5D platformer game or something.

I remember a few characters, there was an elephant lady on a bed in a room above or adjacent to the main view/focus; she had some lights on but it was otherwise dark in her room and she was sliding the end of her trunk on a grating to a ventilation shaft; this made noise that scared another character in a different room and I think that character became angry out of embarrassment or something.

Later on, some bit where there was a nurse character, whose details I don't remember so well. I knocked her on the head with something massive and she went down (through the floor or over a mezzanine?) and something broke her fall, I think maybe me. I remember telling her "you idiot, this is my dream!". In the dream this was meant as some sort of explanation to the confusion she displayed when she realised she was fine after the hit and the fall. Nearby up some steps on a flat tier was a giant cobra, but in the dream I thought it was an adder, for some reason.

Fragment:

An earlier dream focused on NCIS, but which I don't care enough to make full note of the details. The dream focused on McGee and he was flying a small private jet and then someone is with him passes him a phone, with Gibbs on the line. In the dream it was like in the actual show, in terms of witticisms, humour and timings. McGee was more self-aware as a character than any other and questioned how could it be possible that Ducky and Gibbs were already at the scene in this other country he'd now be landing in at.

---

Notes:

- In the first dream, the whole thing reminded me a bit of the type of crazy and silly drawings in "finding Wally". I went through a few of those books quite often when I was younger. I don't know where those books are or if they were thrown away.

- A lot of detail was missing from my recall but the from the moment the scenes started being filled in as I drew cross sections and windows, there was a huge amount of ornamental detailing to the scenes that made them feel overly complete.

- I haven't seen a snake in my dreams for a while and I don't think I'd ever had an elephant in a dream before (hm, which also has a "snake" on its face?).

- There was some kind of dark and red-ish lighting to the room/area the giant cobra was in.

- The nurse did elicit some type of pre-lucid awareness, especially considering my remark to her confusion.

- I slept quite poorly. My neck and lower teeth were aching as I wrote my notes and afterwards.

20th November 2020

Fragment:

In a place like a restaurant or something. Someone was talking to me and they were telling me how "mussels are the tastiest thing there is" or something. I remember thinking of, or seeing some clams and thinking that besides the meat within, there would be pearls of value or something.

---

Notes:

- I remembered this fragment much later in the day while in a church. A stained glass I was looking towards for a while had pearls as a small detail in places and this triggered some vague visual recall of the dream.

- I remember after the dream and also after recalling this fragment, I did feel some sort of craving for the food in question; there was some sort of taste in the dream, it was meaty but I can't recall any more detail than that. I have never found this type food appealing before, but I have been curious about it, having possibly thought about it again recently.
-- My family, and most people where I'm from, do enjoy this type of food, but I have never wanted to taste it. Part of me thinks it can't be that different from snails and so I wonder now about similarities.

- It's possible that in the dream I thought about the pearls being a metaphor of some sort; when the recall came to me, this was my first feeling about them. I don't remember the pearls visually. Later on in the day I had disassociated thoughts about how it might be possible to modify the clams to create different pearls, or objects.

- Can't recall my reaction to being told that mussels are supposedly so tasty.

17th November 2020

Fragment:

(Lost most of recall I woke up early in the morning because I was too hot, around 6am?, unknown)

Raid groups or something like them? There were some dream characters that were kind of like combat medics. This didn't make me RC even though it should have been a prominent cue to do so. I think it did raise my level of dream awareness but not enough. I remember specifically noticing that these dream characters were glitching visually, their limbs clipped through their clothing in weird ways, as poorly animated models might do.

Fragment:

Something with C from school and T. There was a general context around the old home.

---

18th November 2020

Fragment:

I was talking via Steam to Sh from the PTFG. It didn't quite sound like him though. He was asking me how I was and we discussed something about my well-being at length; the conversation was heavily focused on me but mostly because he kept asking questions in that direction.

---

Notes (for 18th only):

- Last night I spend some time speaking with F from BL and we caught up a bit and he was asking me how we'd been.

- Dream recall had vanished by the time I got up from bed and when the recall first came through, I mistook it for a real memory, taking me a couple of minutes to go through it and realising it was simply vague recall of a dream.

- I slept poorly last night and the last few days have been very difficult for me, physically. I have also been feeling completely demotivated from my creative activity.

- Last night I continued reading the book from the LD Book Club and I had been thinking about the four-step process for dream-work. After my initial recall of this dream this morning, I have been considering trying them on this, since it's a fairly short dream and seemingly quite specifically directed towards how I've been feeling.

- All I can visually recall from the dream is the chat window and Sh's icon.
-- Typing the above note, I have just realised that my abbreviation for the person in the chat has a secondary and much more specific significance to me.

15th November 2020

Fragment:

A vast and somewhat empty place apart from some abstract platforms as I recall. There was a "sky" made up of pastel colours, light oranges, pinks and blues.

There was a demon queen, or something. She looked mostly humanoid and had purple skin? She wore some ornaments or accessories like gold bangles and chains but apart from that she must have been almost naked. She was bigger than me but not a lot bigger. Thought I suspected so, I asked her midway through some conversation if we were in an alternate dimension, to which she answered yes.

The demon queen and I were on one side of... a table? Not sure. And opposite from us were two other people, maybe a couple. The queen was able to alter or modify certain traits with some species like humans and elves, but not dwarves. But these two other people looked human even though one was supposedly an elf and the other a dwarf. So I asked her, what if they have a child together, could that child be altered in the same ways?

(recall gap)

Vague recall of an office-like place, either from the inside or the outside.

---

Notes:

- My last journaled dream featured mystical aspects like demons, but the setting and context were entirely different. The theme here was of a more medieval/fantastic aspect, by comparison.

- Unfortunately, I couldn't retain recall very well with this dream so I've completely lost any details that would be left of the other characters and the dream location.

- The demon queen as a dream character had some aspects relating to my own personal interests in transmutation and transformation. The purple skin may have seemed random when I first recorded the dream but in retrospect that element is present in some characters I've created and is a colour I generally like, although her skin's hue was a bit brighter/lighter.
-- "Queen" was an implied intuitive feeling about the character, not something that was mentioned or explained literally.

- There was a feel of "sunset" to this dream and there were no changes in light while in the platform dimension.

12th November 2020

Fragment:

Out with H somewhere. It's day time and we're approaching a wooden or metal gate of a farm or ranch of some sort. There is a building on the left of the gate, in the distance there are hills or low mountains and more immediately to our right is a small mounding area. There are some darkly coloured horses here and they eventually get up close to some trees on the mound area and stand up on their hind legs and basically start trying to copulate with the trees, which have some holes at just about the right height.

I don't recall what happened next exactly but I remember noticing the trees had no leaves left at all anymore, but the grass was green-ish and not covered in leaves. The horses later stopped what they were doing I think and turned into dogs instead.

13th November 2020

Fragment:

The dream was focused around a black boy I was trying to help. He must have been no older than eight years of age.

He had no parents? I think he was wanting to get some information about some random guy and the info he wanted was in a hard drive. I suggested we could plug it in at my computer and it would be quicker this way.

But for whatever reason, the drive needed a scart connector. I remember we looked for about three hours (it felt long, but not actually three-hour long) and I couldn't find one of these connectors, only some other old connectors.

I remember starting to feel frustrated after finding a component lead or something. I can't remember what we chose to do at this point but I do recall a computer, with a CRT. In retrospect now, it felt like something like what we had back at home when I was younger.

There's a large gap in my recall here.

At some point it becomes evident or is revealed that there's something mystical about the boy. He was unliving or something. There were dark forces trying to reclaim him, back to their domains. Another recall gap.

Near the end of the dream, a human-like demon is pouring (out of his mouth?) tea bags in front of the boy's feet. Something about these being a representation of the number of times the boy had avoided or cheated death or capture.

The dream was particularly long most of the recall was lost because of having to get ready in the morning and the recall I managed to keep for the initial notes was about an hour old at that point. Would like to edit in some notes at some later point.

9th November 2020

Initial note: Some parts of the dream were clearly about having to get ready in the morning but other parts felt more random. I didn't sleep through the whole night, having struggled to fall asleep and to stay asleep for most of the night, but only recalled the morning dream.

Dream:

The entirety of the dream takes place in what seems to be a subway and in some parts there's a feel of it being mixed with the layout of my old home.

I remember being naked and at one point there's some kind of mini game thing happening and

Spoiler for semi-graphic:

eggs are appearing like pickups would in a game, on the floor; I have to grab these eggs, about the size of a regular hen's eggs and put them in my vagina before they hatch by themselves, but apart from that I note that I am male. None of this makes me question reality and whenever I put one of these sort of off-green coloured eggs inside myself, they get pushed back out some moments later, feeling quite nice but with a somewhat "raw" sensation, on the edge of being an uncomfortable sensation.

And then the egg thing would hatch and a prize would come out of it, like a kinder-egg prize toy or something, but the prizes were completely random. As I kept doing this, things like bathroom spray cleaner bottles and other mundane objects would be "spawned" by the hatched eggs I was using. I think to myself very clearly "wow, it's almost like magic, but how do the companies make them appear as if they spawn from thin air from these comparatively very small eggs?" I add to the irony of this by then thinking "it must be some kind of quantum gateway tunnelling, I think", completely missing the cue.

Then I remember getting dressed with my usual clothes, the ones I'd be wearing today basically. I don't remember putting socks on but I know I hadn't put on a top just yet. I recall an escalator which I go down on, it goes a long way forward and not very far down so it has a very small degree of elevation per step. The subway area itself is very much like the ones I've been used to from my old home area but far more vast and of incredible depth/height. For a while I'm the only person in the entire place.

Then I hear dad calling for me and telling me about how we had to get on with it and get ready. (prior to this whole dream I had a waking moment where I had checked the time and it was still more than an hour's time away from my alarm going off) Mom is also here now and she's telling me about how T lost his citizen's card/ID in the subway just recently. I comment that I couldn't possibly lose something like that out of my wallet because it's all stuffed in quite tightly.

Dad seems disappointed that we (me and T or me and H?) weren't ready sooner, but I tell him it's not even 8AM yet and he doesn't really change his tune, insistent that we should be more prepared or something to that effect.

My recall faded a bit but eventually I had to go back to get a hoodie and I'm trying to not get lost in what seems to be an Escher-like maze quality that the subway seems to have. The entire underground area is very well lit but I'm left with an impression of darkness and recall the construction was primarily concrete, so it felt like a recent or cheap construction.

I recall that at some point, there were some more particular things that had hatched from my eggs; one was a bony black creature with wings, like a dragon, but not. It had a frayed look, worn. At first I genuinely thought it was a toy because it started out inanimate and in a sort of fetal position? But when it started moving around I began to hope it wouldn't cause any chaos or mayhem while we were away for work today (pre-lucid thought).

Another peculiar item that spawned from the eggs was a very authentic/official looking piece of scrap paper telling a military person who he should be looking at and what he should be doing when activating a nuclear arsenal. The paper had Spanish writing but it was mostly in English. The other military person mentioned was a "Dahlia" something or other, of an enlisted rank (sergeant comes to mind?).

At the top of this thick paper were two groups of Hebrew or Jewish 6-point stars and taking up the right half of the document were some watermarked bald-eagles or something, but the paper was torn around this area. I couldn't make up my mind on where this document could possibly originate from, thinking about Mexico, the USA, Israel and other places. But I remember being amazed by the document and trying to tell H about it in the dream.

---

Notes:

- In the dream, I don't recall any of the "subway" area actually having any rail tracks. It just had the same feel as some stations I've been in, but on a bigger scale. I never did reach a terminal at any point in the dream, nor did I see any trams/trains. The whole place was very bare. Although subways used to be a common dream sign for me, they rarely feature quite as much as they used to a few years ago, probably since I don't use them currently.

- Apart from how it felt physically, there was nothing particularly sexual about the mini-game thing.

- I think part of what brought about the small dragon-like creature was the fact that H's cat had to have some emergency care very recently and so was looking quite "patchy" and ruffled when I saw a picture.

- Part of what brought about the very peculiar military document was probably because I was reading about colonising of the Americas in general last night and also looking at different maps about the subject. Dahl and its variations is a name I find interesting but apart from the similarly named Borderlands fictional military-arms company, I'm not sure what would have prompted a character to be called Dahlia in one of my dreams, but it's not the first time a random word has been put together.

- Although I don't recall what it was anymore, something did happen if I didn't use the eggs and just allowed them to hatch by themselves and from my perception (with it being a mini-game of some sort) this was "bad".

- At the time of this dream I had recently been speaking to a transgender friend of mine, whom I hadn't spoken to for quite some time.

5th November 2020 (DFLN)

Fragment:

At the end of a dream I was with H, watching a video of a guy in a labcoat mixing something together in some ceramic mugs he'd previously joined together (ceramic seamless welding technique or something).

The labcoat made me do a RC but for some reason I didn't focus enough on it and so I didn't realise I was dreaming.

Fragment:

In a room, in our house? I remember my paintings are all here. Some of them are stacked on top of each other and I notice one of the "eye" paintings is lying atop the pile. One of the other paintings in the same style/series is nearby or under that one.

7th November 2020

Fragment:

Left it too long and recall was poor. At an apartment building which goes quite a way up. I'm in a floor high up with someone else and we are trying to keep social distancing up while doing something? But eventually we end up breaking it and I think I was there to do some kind of trade or exchange.

Possibly from a different segment or dream but in some other part I recall being with mom and dad, on a highway or something. It's night time and I'm not sure if we actually were in a car at any point but I don't recall other cars or people. There's a junction or bridge over another highway section but the bridge is damaged/ruined and is actually mostly rubble. I remember street lights and that sort of thing being on.

Fragment:

Earlier fragment. I'm a level 60 death knight character in WoW and apparently I can't level up any further (my experience bar is absent). The highest level characters I remember seeing are level 70 and I remember seeing an undead player character that had an elite portrait frame.

I remember getting on a slow gryphon and flying around an area very much like Dun Morogh but on further thought may have been mixed with Wintersrping.

---

Notes:

- Recall actually hasn't been particularly poor or anything lately, even with early morning working days, but most of the time I've been far too tired when I wake up to push myself to actually write down the recall and by the time I have a chance I've usually left it too late.

- I think my RC was a bit weak in part because in the dream I was feeling a bit self-conscious while doing it. Generally I don't feel so self-conscious anymore when doing RCs when H is also around, but I guess some leftover part of that still persists for the moment.

- The eye paintings have had some special and unspoken significance to me lately. I don't know why exactly, as I also never really thought "I really love eyes" but they certainly seem to have some sort of appeal to me, as I have been noticing it's a frequent subject matter in my work.

- The ceramic joining thing made complete sense to me while I was dreaming and even after waking up it seemed to make sense and I remember thinking "what a good way of fixing ceramic objects", but I slowly realised it actually didn't make any sense and in itself could have been its own dream sign.

31st October 2020

Dream:

I'm driving, something like an Opel Insignia or some kind of BMW; an estate or car of that sort, at any rate. It had an automatic transmission but the throttle was under the left thumb on the steering wheel, not on the pedals. Effectively it only had a braking pedal. I remember driving up to a junction which would lead out into a motorway and it had four or five lanes. But the lanes were on the wrong side for where I live now. I was going too fast at first but I find I have to brake suddenly, as someone had spun out of control or was already going in the wrong direction anyway.

I try to pick up the pace again and find that it's a lot less busy on the road now. I hope that H is following behind me soon. I get into a bit of a race of some kind with two other dream characters, each in their own cars.

Control of the car felt OK for the most part but a bit wild at times and the road, for a motorway, was surprisingly hilly.

Fragment:

I'm the oldest version of my rogue from WoW, a dwarf rogue. T is with my on his human paladin and there are several rogues from the Horde skulking about. They try to kill me, opening with a stun but T heals me and they're a bit dumb and don't think to change targets so we just end up killing these two rogues without much bother. Then I spot another single rogue in stealth and I open on him and kill him too.

All of us rogues had the same tier two helmet look-alike that was very common sometime after the middle of TBC.

(Recall gap.)

I'm Death from Darksiders II and I'm in one of the early-game areas, the town I think. I remember walking outside and there's a beautiful sunlight. This is the very tail end of what was quite a long dream of adventure and typical RPG themes.

1st November 2020

7:20; dreams from later on were not made note of and recall was lost.

Fragment:

Midway through a dream, JC was apparently talking to me via steam or something and we get talking about TF2 maps and I tell him about my old CTF map based on the UT "Face" map. This was a map I was making for TF2 that included a helicopter from regular HL2.

But in the dream it's very different very quickly. At first it looks like my vague memory of the map when I last touched it, but then it becomes very realistic. I walk along a Red Base area which is this vividly realistic Egyptian themed area and there's an open courtyard, slightly raised above everything else, with a square-ish mini garden thing at its centre and the floor here is made up of limestone mosaic tiles of some kind, no bigger than one cm or half inch.

I walk down some steps further toward the base, making note of a great pyramid centred to this courtyard area and see dunes further beyond in the distance.

I then turn around and see the opposite Blue Base. It looks like Washington DC's capitol building and has vast gardens and water features and creates an interesting contrast to the Egyptian area I'm in.

Taking out my phone, I start to try and take a panoramic shot of the bases to show JC but the sun starts to set beyond the Washington Base and it gets extremely dark very quickly and so I fail to take the shot, no less because I also stumbled on a step backwards as I was trying to get the angle.

Fragment:

Some bit in a warehouse-like place? Like an old 20s industrial building, not sure. Reminds me of old power plant buildings. It seems semi-abandoned but not. There's a character very much like Mom from Futurama and she's talking to a lackey of sorts, a woman in a dress; both of them were in large renaissance style dresses. But then the "Mom" stabs the lackey woman with a scalpel and I'm climbing up along a window's pillar at this time.

There's something off about it all vs the context and I remark to the character that it seems like a continuity error (also see notes for last DJ entry) but she doesn't care, making some comment stating so. I become concerned she may want to stab me and we are both outside the building now on a semi-grassy area. The area resembled KF2's prison map now. She seems more insane than she perhaps should seem but I somehow trick her into giving me the scalpel while she busies herself disposing of the lackey's body or something, so I simply end up walking away.

---

Notes:

- In waking life, I spoke to HW the day before this dream and he said he'd hoped I'd return to WoW should there be a revival of TBC too.

- Unfortunately, for most of these dreams I only made some very small notes and so didn't retain certain details I would have liked to have retained, but lately I feel far too tired in the morning to be able to write enough.

- In the dream with the bases, it's interesting that the sun did set beyond the capitol building, as this would appear West to me (and so should the sun set there) and Egypt would appear to be Near East to me. Although I have had many dreams of sunsets and the like, I can't really recall any other instance where the sun did set so quickly and where everything turned darker than night.

- The mosaic floor was particularly beautiful and may have come from having recently seen an interesting mosaic mural near where I live, which is unusual for this area, but the rest of the Egyptian theme came from something else; I'm not certain what prompted the capitol building's appearance but either way, both sides seemed to represent West and East in some sense.

24th October 2020

Fragment:

A bit in a super market about buying toilet roll. I wanted the same one as we had last time but I couldn't find it. I found some Cushelle branded roll which was apparently cotton but it looked too thin anyway.

I think HD was a cashier, I seem to remember her ponytail.

(Recall gap.)

A monster creature of sorts. I remember he spoke and said something. He was a very vivid red colour and sort of made up of tendrils. He had to be defeated by some specific means by I've forgotten the details.

26th October 2020

Dream:

In the earliest part I was in some kind of tower block. I was there with someone else at some point? I tried breaking into a flat from a maintenance area, looked like ventilation ducting but on a large scale. I took my boots off here, for some reason; but some goblin or gremlin came and stole my boots and I couldn't react in time but just carried on. I remember noticing I did have my regular clothes on and for the rest of the dream I was in bare feet. It had bothered me at first as it would in waking life, but I ended up getting used to it as I simply had no other choice.

I remember going up to the top level of the building. Reminds me of the stairwell at the old home. I met two admin-like people who worked here, there was an office. I wanted my boots found and tried to demand that they do something about the creatures like the one that took my boots.

In some later part of the dream I'm on a ground floor and there are quite a lot more people around. It's some kind of large lobby area. Reminds me of big hotels and airports in some way. I met a priest and he was corrupt somehow but I don't recall the details about it.

28th October 2020

Fragment:

I'm apparently stranded on some high tier corrosive planet. There's a purple tinge to the atmosphere and I'm in a semi-cavernous area. I try to contribute to someone's build with some rock blocks but Xenomorph-like creatures come out from a lower area and I deal with them one at a time, but I'm not sure what I used. They each looked like a mix of between a Praetorian and a Drone.

---

Notes:

- When I woke up from the tower block dream, I was a bit surprised by how consistent the dream had been with the detail of my boots being absent. Lately I have noticed that dreams are having more consistency in terms of "continuity" (like on TV shows, etc.) I remember in some other recent dream I made a non-lucid comment to a dream character about how what they were doing wasn't abiding by dream consistency or something like that; I can't remember if I did already make note of that dream or not. That dream I had recently in a desert area with the troops was particularly consistent with itself too, for the most part, I think I may have made a note about it there too.

- I've recently had thoughts about an old Alien game which may have been part of why they featured in one of these dreams. I have been wanting to get that game working again but haven't really given it the time of day to manage it. But there are other reasons they may have featured in that dream; I often think I should go and look at more of Giger's work but rarely actually do, as other things end up taking prominence in my mind. I suppose there's a theme here of things getting pushed back in terms of priority...

21st October 2020

There was a big dream from my first awakening but I couldn't retain recall.

Fragment:

In a shop with H. There are big standing fridges, the type with glass doors. We are looking at some supplements or something and H points at a few different ones. I want to pick something not too expensive. I think some of these are vitamin B supplements.

Fragment:

In an old warehouse building? Dark and dingy. But I'm here with a girl, she's white, about my height and age, maybe older, she has loose hair, fake blonde or blonde. Reminds me of Ellie from NCIS and other characters of similar archetypes. We're both naked and aroused as we're playing some kind of sexy game of catch. At one point she's taunting me playfully and because she sticks out her arm towards me I grab her by the arm and pull her toward me. She laughs in her defeat and we get more intimate.

(Recall gap.)

Then I'm on my own and I wander toward a dirtier area. The dream starts to mix with BL and there's some area I can't get through because it's claimed and has locked doors. I hear people talking beyond the doors, making plans. I decide to try and dig my way around into their town.

Fragment:

Walking up a place like the nearby bridge over the station. Rest of recall gone.

---

Notes:

- Although most of my recall of these fragments is very limited now, I still have a bit of the visual recall of the dream in the warehouse. Despite it being a dark and somewhat empty place, there was light coming in through some windows near the top of one of the walls. In a way, this warehouse has some resemblance to the gym space where I had a lot of PE lessons.

- The warehouse area seems like an odd place to me for something erotic to happen, as I tend to be somewhat averse to dirt, but in the last year I have had to get into dirty areas more often because of helping H with work. The girl's presence and our interactions may have been some metaphor of our relationship manifesting itself in the dream. I often wish I could be more romantic as in that dream, but I am often too tired and too preoccupied with my internal worries to feel like I can initiate something like that properly.

19th October 2020

Fragment:

I was helping H. There was some kind of old lottery machine thing which we'd salvaged, but it had stops like an organ, almost 100 of them even though only about 50 were required. (Think that was dream intuitive knowledge)

But as H put in a dowel thing for a stop, a wasp came out (but not really, it looked like a midge) and it bit or stung him. I suggested they might all be infested and we might be better off making all of them ourselves (the stops I think) but I think H found this to be frustrating.

---

20th October 2020

Dream:

I was in Syria, Egypt or a country near these. I was at a USA military camp. Not sure how I got there in the dream but I remember it was in a valley. From the camp I could see in the distance steep, dusty, rocky mountain peaks. Toward one direction was a city of some kind on a sloped area.

It looked more like ruins or slums and I could see flags. They were black with white Arabic script on them, but also a stylised animal trailing off the script too. This area looked vast.

In the camp, I remember hearing some soldiers saying that all new troops coming in were being parachuted instead of coming in a ground march. Apparently it'd been this way since some incident with one soldier (there was a name but can't recall) where he'd been surrounded and ganged up on (by whom?).

There was a female soldier sitting and listening. She had fake blonde hair tied up in a short pony tail. She looked worried and I realised on some level she was thinking of what I'd already thought of. If this place was a valley and the camp was surrounded by mountains and refugee camps and ruins, how would all the soldiers return home?

(recall gap)

Inside some hospital. Looks normal/clean. Similar in some sense to the one in the town where I live now. Again, somewhat vast inside. There's some kind of fighting going on but it seems like it's day-to-day business here. The fighting was happening on some other level, a basement? And there was some kind of mini plot about someone being injured and having to be carried away stealthily because he wasn't local.

(recall gap)

Commanders or captains. Some discussion about charging some kind of portal in a low basement level. Something about hearing reports of the portal's destination being in the Earth's core and really hot, rocky, red and black and also impossibly flat. Some soldiers openly said they didn't want to go or something.

(recall gap)

Inside some place, still the hospital I think. Mostly sitting on the floor? By a window, it's like a cafe or something this part. Someone tells me about being able to buy things. There are items along the sill and the prices are displayed on folded pieces of card/paper like mini billboard things. Some items were puddings and others were weapons and just random crap in general.

I remember wanting some kind of dried out mousse thing, it cost 1.50. It was chocolate-y in taste and looked slightly purple but at first it just looked like a candle. (mom used to have some purple candles that smelled nice, only remembering this now)

(recall gap)

In the downstairs place. But looked like a warehouse area with certain bits having skylights or something. There were robots and now I had some kind of level-up system and there was another system that meant I could get upgrades from scavenged parts from the robots. I remember trying to create a new fully fledged robot. They were all about 3-6m tall.

---

Notes:

- The second dream was odd. The theme of war hasn't really appeared so directly or about a real context so clearly very much in the past. The dream setting and environment all had a very genuine feel to it. There was a certain amount of thematic consistency to the dream plots, for the most part.
- The black flags with white script seem to remind me of certain terrorist/rebel groups in waking life, but in the dream they were just the flag of the nation of this place. I think the animal on the flag was a lion. The American army seemed to be there mostly to provide some sort of logistical support to the ruined city/region. But obviously there was still some kind of animosity and fighting going on, but I remember no mention of who "the enemy" actually was.

- In the hospital I didn't note anyone wearing any medical equipment or the like.

18th October 2020

Dream:

In my home town. Remember going up to some hilly areas that don't quite exist. A gravelled area by the main roundabout in town too.

Then I'm with H and we go into this little house with a frosted glass door. But it also looks a bit shop-like inside. There's a fridge or something and we just start taking food from several places in here, this fridge included and putting all the food into bags (backpacks? refuse bags? not sure anymore). I think it's day time but in here it's mainly artificial light, daylight is only noticeable on the street outside. As I look to the glass door I see the silhouettes of an adult and a child and the door opens. It's the owner, I immediately realise.

He gets upset because we're apparently robbing him. But because this is a shop, I do immediately tell him that we will pay for everything we are taking. But he doesn't care and says he'll call and report us to the police. I make some kind of snide remark (about it being pointless?).

But then I end up trying to convince him more gently that we didn't mean to cause trouble or distress. He still doesn't care and refutes every single thing I try to say. Eventually he tells us he's 18. I feel some surprise at this, as I thought he looked much older than that (mid 30s/40s), especially since he had a son with him. But suddenly I understand why he'd been refuting everything; I remember and have a feeling of how I was at that age.

Eventually, we leave through the back of the house I think. I've forgotten whatever else had happened in the conversation, unfortunately.

Fragment:

Not sure where exactly, in a flat area in a town. Surfaced or paved. Meeting up with some kids, they tell me how they defeated a legion of monsters, or orcs? Something about the kids didn't feel human, exactly, but I'm not sure why or how.

---

Notes:

- I think H was mostly passive in the first dream.

17th October 2020

Fragment:

Remember being my lizard form at some point and also for quite a while. Earlier in the dream I was offered a choice (by whom or what?) to have either nearly unlimited strength or nearly unlimited stamina. I picked strength.

I remember flying through several somewhat surreal places with hybrid dragon wings that would appear and disappear.

At one point, I'm in a sandy beach area and there are wasps or bees and I stamp on them, concerned for a second about what I was doing, but then remembering I had nothing to fear. This was pre-lucid, I had some awareness of being dreaming.

In some other part, I'm destroying the outer structure of a concrete sky scraper and I'm eating or biting on people as they fall from the building. The building itself is falling and we are miles up in the air, impossibly high away from any other buildings. (Reminds me of UT levels)

Rest of recall is muddled. Was awake for a while and forgot to try and retain recall properly.

---

Notes:

- The part of me that convinced me to fear nothing was the same that has come about unconsciously before. I have started to feel a much more direct connection to these parts of myself over the last months; these are the parts of me that do not actively speak through my mind except seemingly under rare circumstances such as in the visualisations I've done/experienced. These are parts of myself that I've had some sort of tacit awareness of for quite a long time but that previously I wasn't able to consciously "put my finger on". In more physical terms, the less conscious parts feel like something inside at the back of my head, but maybe this is some association I have created by accident.

- I have absolutely no recall anymore about how the choice of "strength vs stamina" was offered to me, but I feel it was some sort of interface. I do seem to remember that in the dream my reasoning was that if I had unlimited stamina, it wouldn't necessarily allow me to do everything that I wanted to do. I think my experience of being weak when I was younger had some influence on this too. Lately there's been a fair bit of "processing" of some of my childhood, such as those instances recently where I was actually younger in my dreams.

- Flight and flying by own means hasn't really ever been of any special interest to me in dreams but I think the experience with wings was novel enough for me to enjoy it, though I still prefer it when flight in dreams happens by use of a jet or space ship.