insideout

January 8, 2011, Saturday,
non-lucid lucid

I was lying on my back while I imagined moving and stretching my arms out to a distant focal point, grabbing at it, and pulling it back towards me. As I did this, I strengthened my intent to have a lucid dream.
I felt myself get close to sleep. Eventually I rolled over onto my side and continued the imagined movement.

I entered a conscious dream. Still in bed, N got in bed with me. We cuddled for a bit and possibly had sex. Then N became angry with me and I lost lucidity for a while. we were in a hotel. She turned into a cat. Girls turn into cats a lot in my dreams.

I regained lucidity and started running around, yelling Sheila's name so she would appear. Sheila is a girl I have met a few times in previous lucid dreams. I went into my sister's room, in our old house we grew up in. I shouted for Sheila. I heard someone say "here I am." But it was B, not Sheila, and I said so.
At first I went along with it. I sat her down in front of a mirror to make her Sheila. She seemed really nervous, like she didn't want to be there. I suggested we have sex, like that would help somehow, but she didn't want to. It's just as well, too, because I wouldn't have wanted to get too distracted by sex and not at least try to achieve a goal.

I picked her up, carried her to the door, and tossed her out, closing the door again.
Then I went into the living room, still calling out for Sheila, and saying that I wanted to see her. There were other people in the living room, on the couches.
The phone rang and I picked it up, asking if it were Sheila. There was just noise. It was kind of scary.

Then I sort of gave up and remembered an easier lucid dream goal. I slowly put my hand through the stone wall, next to the fireplace. It was rough, and hurt a little when I pulled my hand out. A guy was watching. I said to him that I could have made it smoother. Then my leg was stuck in the stone ledge and I couldn't get it out, and I woke up.

Notes:
What did I do wrong? I was very intent on finding Sheila, almost obsessed with it. I expected her to show up, but was not successful.
Perhaps I was not certain enough that she would be there, and I still had doubts about my abilities. Maybe I was not calm enough. I should have had calm confidence. It might have helped if I performed some exercises in the dream to become more fully lucid.