lucid

I had alot of dreams on and off last night and early this morning, because I was sleeping a bit uneasy for some reason. I think it was the light from my laptop, which I ordinarily don't take into the bedroom (but I wanted to watch Linkin Park videos before bed).

I'll go into all the non lucid details later, but I wanted to start with the DILD. Most of my dreams occurred in the same room: a kind of mix between my college dorm room, and a hotel room. I had a false awakening, accompanied with some spooky vibrations type sensations (the kind I usually get when something scary is about to happen). Some voice warned me about 2 hell hounds that were about to come get me. I was scared at first, but as soon as I got out of bed, I started to question if this was a dream. Then they appeared: 2 little shih-tzu type dogs, and they just flew through the air and went all rabid on my left hand. I instantly knew this was a dream, based on similar attacks in my previous FAs, and went from scared to just annoyed. I was shaking my left hand really hard, trying to dislodge their teeth from my flesh. When ever I would get one off, the other would fly to my hand and lock on again. After a couple attempts, I was able to pull them both off by their tails, then I grabbed them both by the neck with the same hand until they stopped writhing. I looked at them in the eyes and said "I am going to attempt the basic task now, and you two are going to calm the fuck down." I've handled bigger and stronger demons than this before, so they just went limp in my hand, and shrunk down to the size of kittens. I lay them down softly on the bed and pet their bellies. The evilness had gone and now I was free to do the task. I remembered immediately to drink a potion, since this was my third attempt this month so I guess it was on the forefront of my mind. I looked around quickly, and on the end table next to the bed was what looked like my entire collection of nail polish bottles. I picked one up, willing it to turn into a potion bottle or something, but nothing happened. I thought to myself, "There's no way I'm drinking a bottle of nail polish, even in a dream." I wanted something better, so I was rummaging through the bottles, knocking some over, when I noticed one of the bottles was somewhat bigger than the normal nail polish sized. I picked it up and it was half-full of a liquid that looked just like listerine. Oh well, better than nail polish haha. I went to the mirror and looked at myself, I didn't look like myself at all, more like an extra tan version of a Kardashian sister. I took the lid off the bottle, and hoped my subconscious would make the contents into a potion, and not mouth wash, though I was doubtful. I took a swig, and the flavor was amazing! It tasted like minty white chocolate, and really smooth and creamy. More like, a melted white chocolate ganache. By far the best dream flavor I ever had, it seemed even more intense than a real life flavor, and that's never happened to me before with anything other than visions and sounds. I was hopeful, but still doubtful that it would do anything. Funny how I can be doubtful and it doesn't matter. I stared at my reflection, and I noticed a wound appear on the side of my nose, on my cheek, and on my chin, all on the left side of my face. They looked like little spots that had gotten really chapped and red, with flaky skin. Then something came out of them, and the best way I can describe this, is that it was kind of like an anti-tattoo. Instead of an ink-colored pattern, it was white, and it began to spread from each of the wounds, decorating my entire face. The design looked like tiny little white thorny vines, coiling around every square inch of my face, with little white roses, and white leaves, until my face was half tanned skin and half thorny vine tattoo. It was really kinda cool looking! It didn't spread beyond my face, so I guess it was done. So I got up and went to the door, hoping that I would stay in the dream long enough to do the advanced task! I got greedy. I went out the door, and the door just across the hall had just opened, and people were filing out. These people looked like they had just finished rehearsing a play or opera, because they were decked out in renaissance costumes. I eyed the group, hoping to find one that could actually be an alien (forgetting completely that it wouldn't have counted as the advanced TOTM because I was still on earth). Then a guy that looked like the lead role, dressed to the nines in a royal blue nobleman costume, made eye contact with me. Loooong, super sexy eye contact. He looked like he recognized me. I just batted my eyelashes and flashed my best smile, and he continued down the hall. I lost lucidity at that point, and the dream phased into a stupid story about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's divorce.

Anyway, I dreamed that DV was being sued. Apparently a renowned author of dreaming books had been working on a lucid dreaming book for decades (NOT LeBerge), and wanted to interview some staff from DV. I think I remember he had set up a an irc chat time for 8pm the following day or something. Then suddenly that evening, there was a panic, because me and 2 other staff members who were supposed to be in the interview, got PMs from this author, saying he was calling a last minute emergency meeting at 2am. I remember Danny was there, and I was freaking out. I asked him, "Don't we have to get up at 5am tomorrow for work?" And he said "No, no we're both off. And I have to stay up all night because I work a night shift tomorrow night anyway, so I'll stay up with you for this meeting." <3

Somehow, a guy I worked with at Whole Foods years ago, Chuck the candy maker, knew the reason for this last minute meeting, when no one else seemed to know. Chuck said that the author flipped out when he saw that on DV, we were using terms like DEILD and DILD etc, which he claimed he came up with. So since DV is now a profitable site, he felt he should be getting money for everytime someone used the term. And as a result, DV was being sued for it. I was like ffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu what do I do????

The first thing I thought of, was making sure what ever happened at this meeting, it got recorded. And now, magically, it wasn't and irc meeting but a real life one. I don't remember who the other staff members were, but I remember that I decided to bring my laptop, and I was going to log on to skype before the meeting, call RareCola, and have him listen in on the meeting and record it. Since I didn't have a lawyer at the moment, that was all I could think of to help cover our asses. Then it finally dawned on me to contact Alex. But I was having endless device failure with my laptop. Also, my son kept bugging me the whole time, disrupting my concentration.

Then it got extra weird. I said things to him that I would never say in real life. I told him if he was going to act like a dog, he needed to go outside and run around. So he did, but 2 minutes later, he was meowing at the door. Literally, meowing. So I went outside to lecture him. He was no longer 8 going on 9, he was magically 15 years old, tall, with dark wavy hair and glasses. He looked like RareCola lol. I told him that since he's 15, he could be spending his time learning to drive, running around town, having sex. O_O And he said "Mom, mom.. I'll do whatever you say just don't talk about sex." Then suddenly I thought it was weird that he was suddenly now the same age as Danny's daughter, who was currently in driver's ed. Then Chris started naming of all her friends that he's like to screw. Then his face started to morph and I woke up. Soooooooooo relieved that DV wasn't being sued

So one bizarre thing, Chris was meowing today in real life. And he's never done that before, usually he barks. And I didn't tell him about the dream at all.

I had a brief DILD this morning, where I came close-ish to completing the basic TOTM:

I was in a relationship with Frédéric Chopin, the Polish composer. We were in one of those morning rooms, talking about something.



He seemed quite distraught. If you know anything about the composer, his life was fraught with emotional and physical distress. In the dream, he expressed sadness about something, and i was trying to console him by talking to him about his music. I may have been George Sand, and quite befitting because George was a baroness who went by a male pseudonym.. even dressed as a man. I explained to Chopin that "You have no idea how much beauty you have brought into this world with your music. Even more so, how your music will impact the Romantic Era and it's genre boundaries after you die as well." O_O DOH! I'm talking to a dead man, I'M LUCID!!

I put my hands on his shoulders and set him down gently on an incredibly opulent Victorian style sofa, and said "Please forgive me, but I have to remember the TOTM, it's very important." He looked at me quizzically, and then jolted as I yelled out "Drink a potion!!! You have to help me find a potion so I can drink it and describe it's effects!!" He looked extremely confused, and possibly worried from his mistress's sudden onset of insanity, then everything went vertigo. I was pulled backwards by an invisible force, and I watched the beautiful man on the beautiful sofa in the beautiful room, fade into the back of my eyelids, and I woke up.

Speed your sorry ass up next time Frédéric, you namby pamby little emo man! I've picked larger men from under my fingernails! <3

I was in an office building, much like the one I was in that one time that turned into a labyrinth. I spontaneously became lucid (I think because it was a WBTB, and those usually generate a DILD or DEILD), so I decided to try to leave the building. I could tell it was night, because the building seemed to be deserted, with all the lights off except for the EXIT signs and a few floods. I went out a door, which led to a hall and another door, and so on. I began to get irritated, which was causing me to lose a little of my lucidity, and then I could suddenly hear faint techno music. Like there was a club in the building somewhere. So I tried going through more doors and hallways to find it, each time the music grew louder as if I was getting closer. I started getting a more strong sense of lucidity back, which helped me to focus on the situation. I finally came to a set of double doors, and the music was really loud behind them. I stopped, fully aware that this was a dream, and put my hands on the door, saying "THIS time, I will open the doors, and the party will be on the other side." I pushed them open, and sure enough, there was a lame little party there. Loud music, but only 3 people that I could see in the small room. A table with some punch and plates, and a few chairs, and a small orange sofa. Craig from high school was sitting on the couch, so I sat by him. I was hoping he wouldn't be a psycho and flip out on me like he did irl in HS, but he seemed more calm, like he was when I bumped into him later in life. He kinda snuggled next to me, so I took his hand. I lightly massaged his thumb with mine, then I don't remember anything else.

Later, I dreamed about being on my bike again. This time it was my normal bike, and it rode like a normal bike and not the flying one from the other night. Funny thing is, the whole bike ride was pretty much exactly like the bike ride I had yesterday evening in real life. Even the part where I went over a tiny pothole. See I tried to swerve to miss it, but it was too late and I went over it anyway. But the suspension on my bike rocks, so it went over real smooth, both irl and in the dream. I'm guessing that, since I rode my bike yesterday when it was dusk, just a little light, and not many people or cars out, it was very surreal and dream like. Going to have to start doing RCs on my bike now I'm guessing

Had a DILD after WBTBing a few times.

I dreamed I was back at ETSU, in one of the apartment style dorms. I was talking to Elizabeth (who works in the sushi department where I work irl), and her husband. I've never met her husband irl, so he was being played by Luis, our dishwasher haha. Elizabeth was rocking in a rocking chair, and as I was talking to her, I noticed that half of her face was covered in a blue and purplish bruise! I said "Damn girl, what happened to your face?" And she just darted her gaze to Luis really quickly. I looked at him and said "WTF man?!" My membery was suddenly flooded with made-up memories of her having been beaten by him before. Luis just looked really sad and said "I'm so so sorry, I'll never do it again. I promise!!!" I felt so disgusted with both of them. Then he went to the bathroom, and she went to the kitchen, asking me not to leave. I just sneaked out and headed to my own dorm across the street. I was walking a bit brisk because I didn't want them coming out after me. I suddenly started to walk-hop, and as I did this, the hopping got higher and higher, until I was almost flying. I said "Hell yeah my ass is LUCID!" I was so happy haha. I just kept jump/hop/flying, and it felt so fun, and easy, and free. No vertigo at all anymore. I went into the dorm building and kept hopping, and I remarked to myself how incredibly bright and crystal clear everything was. Bright blue sky and puffy white clouds were visible through the windows. I looked at my hands, but they were actually kind of bloated and messed up, so I just ignored them. I was thinking what I could do next, and I thought I could either go back and beat up Luis, or find a mirror. Then it hit me "TOTM!!" I struggled to remember them but I just couldn't, I could only remember the mirror one from last month. Pissed me off so bad, because I wanted to USE the mirror to go to an alien planet, I just couldn't remember it. Then I thought I could just summon a computer and go look it up on DV, but I didn't want to waste my lucid time fumbling with keys and such, so I just said screw it and went for a mirror. There was one conveniently hanging on the dorm wall, just big enough to probably poke my head through. I put my face on the cold glass, and it immediately softened and let my head pass through. The scene opened into the back of the dairy case from work. Oddly enough, the sushi department had moved in there, because it was a large cooler basically. And one of the seafood department guys was in there, making salmon rolls. They have this sauce made of mayonnaise, chili sauce, and tiny little fish eggs, and he was squirting it on the rolls. Instead of using a ketchup squeeze bottle like they do irl, he was using one of those aerosol squirt cans, like the kinds that Easy Cheese comes in. He saw me and asked if wanted some. I said "Hell yeah, and don't bother with a tasting spoon, I'll just open my mouth and you can just squirt it in my mouth!" So he gave me a big old squirt of sushi sauce, and it was gooooood... I could even feel the little eggs pop between my teeth. I said "See ya" and popped my head back out. I went into this breakroom looking area down the hall from the mirror, and noticed I had some how acquired 2 ears of perfectly cooked corn-on-the-cob. I took a few bites, and it was soooooooo good. Then I thought about going back to Elizabeth's dorm and beating the crap out of her husband, but I just wanted 2 more bites. Then ok, just one more. Damn this was some good corn. Then I stopped, and said "Oh shit." And woke up. I felt it 2 seconds before it happened.

I really enjoyed this lucid. It had decent length, awesome control, and clarity. I just got distracted by food haha. What a pig.

This was probably the first DEILD I have had in a loooong time where I took no 5-htp, or supplements of any kind. Some things I did differently was not as much wine, and I ate some ramen noodles late at night. I usually don't eat late, for dietary reasons, but I wanted to experiment with having more food in my system prior to bed, because of a hypothesis I have about high anxiety/low blood sugar when I sleep <insert long personal and family history here>.

Anyway, I woke up at about 5:30am when Danny left for work, and went to the bathroom. I went back to sleep and was sleeping pretty deeply, so I'm not sure if and how many times I woke up after that. I know I woke up around 7am on my back with the pillow over my head (optimal for me these days), and I was super relaxed. I felt vibrations come over me, and the sensation of someone climbing on top of me and holding my hands down. I lifted my hands slightly, and felt very little resistance. I felt a little SP because it was hard to move my hands, and I tried to speak but it was difficult. I tried to say "Menatus, is that you?" But it barely left my throat as a gutteral moan. I woke up briefly, and felt the vibrations again, again very mild, and again only the faintest sensation of someone on me. This time I lifted my hands and it was easier. I looked at my hands, and I could see the faintest, wispiest, black smoky hands, intertwining with mine, before completely vanishing. It was definitely Menatus, he just had no corporeal form this time, poor thing. Still, I got up out of bed, calling his name, hoping he would reappear. I wanted to see what he looked like since all I've ever seen was hands and an arm. No response. So I decided to get up and go to my bathroom mirror, maybe I could find him somewhere else. I put my hands on the glass, and it felt cold and hard. I had some doubts, but I've always been lucky with mirrors, so I placed my face on it anyway, and it went right through. Again, only allowing my upper body to go through, just in case, I found myself in a room with a long conference table. There was a man and a woman at the table, writing things down. I asked the lady, "Excuse me but do you know if Menatus is around here somewhere?" She looked up, and without changing expressions, said "Yes he is." So I pushed the rest of my self through the mirror, which was harder than usual.. I felt stuck in it for a second, but muscled my way through. I left that room and it opened outside, where I could tell I was in the middle of a college campus. I have forgotten how many, but I asked several people if they have seen him, describing his shiny, black, muscular skin. I think I went around calling his name as well. Then I saw something familiar: a blond guy carrying around a trombone case. I remembered him from a non-lucid I had earlier that night. He asked if he could help me and I told him who I was looking for. The blonde guy said "Oh yeah, Menatus? He's right over there." And he pointed toward a crown of people, but I didn't see him. "Where? I can't see him." He said again "Right there." Still nothing. I decided to give up, and go back inside the building and look for a mirror so I could go somewhere else and do other stuff. The blonde asked if he could come with me, and I said I didn't care. I went into a classroom and found a a few mirrors of different sizes, and i was contemplating which one to go through. The blonde guy acted like he was contemplating them too. I looked at his face and I recognized him as Wes, my store manager in real life. I said, "Are you Wes?" He said he was. I asked him if wanted to come along with me? He said sure, all smiley. Mind you, Wes in real life is soooo cute, so I asked him if I could kiss him, he said yes, so I gave him a little smooch. He took my hand, put his arm around my waist, and began dancing with me, and humming a little tune. I just laughed, then I felt funny like I might wake up. So I said, "Come on Wes, we need to go through the mirror now!" Then I woke up.

I haven't had 5-htp in a while, but last night, I confess, I took 2. I also went to bed earlier at 11pm, don't know if that helped me or not. Anyway, Danny got up at 5 to go to work, and I got up to pee. I went right back to sleep and woke up maybe around 6 or so and went back to sleep again. Then woke up at around 7 and felt a little spooked for some unknown reason. I think it was because I briefly heard some voices, like you do in SP. I was lying on my back, really relaxed and comfortable, and felt some WILD vibrations coming, but I tried to resist them. If I'm feeling scared like that sometimes, I am suddenly not in the mood to LD. Stupid, I know. I rationally knew there was nothing real to be afraid of, but I couldn't shake it. I wanted to go back to sleep though, but every time I tried, the vibrations came. So I just said fuck it and let them come.

Then I felt it almost immediately. Without ever losing awareness, I slipped into a lucid, but I was still on my bed. As normal when I DEILD, it's seamless because I always start out in my bed, rarely ever losing consciousness or even blacking out for a second. What I immediately felt was a body climb on top of me. not an overly heavy one, but definitely male. I reached my hands up slowly to touch him, since for some reason I wasn't using my dream eyes. He instantly grabbed them, and held them down. I knew right away that this wasn't Julio (my previous DEILD Demon), because this one's hands were smoother and mush less forceful. They were also quite cold. I said "You hands are really cold!" He said "Sorry." Yeah, this was definitely a new guy. <WARNING - Rated R I slowly freed my right hand, without a struggle, and managed to lower his drawers. Then I just pushed my undies to the side. It's amazing how dream sex feels as real as real life, even though at the time, I rationally know there's no one really there. I freed my left hand and grabbed his hips to make him go faster, </Rated R> then I woke up of course haha.

I was awake with my eyes closed for maybe 2 seconds, rolled over to my left side, and without skipping a beat, went right back into another lucid. I felt the same guy snuggle up right behind me. This time I opened my eyes briefly, and saw a mirror on the wall, just opposite the foot of the bed. I couldn't see myself, just the left side of the bed and some of the bunched up blankets. I moved my right hand up to try and touch him again, and he grabbed it and held it down again. But I SAW IT in the mirror! Just his arm though, grabbing my hand. He had shiny black skin, not black like the race, I mean pitch black skin. It was shiny, like vinyl, with decent muscularity. I almost EEKED at the sight of it, because it was so creepy but cool at the same time. I just closed my eyes. I had this irresistible urge to turn over and see him face, but chickened out halfway, and just kept my eyes closed. So I decided to have a conversation instead. I said "Hello." He said Hello back. To get it right out of the way, I asked him "Are you Julio?" He said "No." I knew it haha! So I asked him his name, and he said "Menatus." I repeated it to him, to make sure I remembered right and could carry the memory over into waking life, but I said it wrong a couple times. "No," he said, always in a soft voice, "Men-AH-tus." I said it right then remarked on how it sounded like a Latin name.

I went straight into a non-lucid where I googled his name to find out more about him, but I kept getting the spelling wrong. I finally got it right, then woke up super happy.

This one's going to be a doozy, mainly because I had long DEILD chain, and I can't remember everything in perfect order, but I'll do my best. First I want to admit, that I took a 5-HTP last night before bed, around 1am. This is after not taking it for about 2 weeks I think? I woke up the first time at about 7:15am when Danny got home from his night shift. He had to take his daughter to her mom's, and they left the house at about 8:30am, which woke me up again for a moment and I think that's when I went pee. I woke up again around 9 or 9:30, and that's when the crazy vibrations started.

These were so odd. First, the vibrations were all over my body, and had a really strong electrical feeling.. not to the point of uncomfortable, but almost. And they came in waves. At the height of the waves the first few times, it was accompanied by the most horrific screaming.. like a man who was a combination of psychotic, homicidal, and in maximum pain. It was horrible. But I knew it wasn't real, and it would fade eventually. After a few seconds, the waves were just vibrations, but I could control them with just my thumbs. Kind of hard to explain, but when ever the vibrations would subside, I could intensify them by curling my thumbs in. I've been able to do this in the past with just my mind, but this is the first time I could with bodyparts. Kinda cool. I was getting a little frustrated though, because the last 3 times I've had the vibrations, no Julio and no DEILD. just vibrations then oblivion. So I just kept curling my thumbs and hoping for the best.

Finally I felt like some time had suddenly passed, and I was just lying in bed thinking of nothing, but I felt weird, like it could be a dream. I looked at my thumbs, which still had the tingly feeling form being connected to those vibrations. They looked all mangled and contorted, so I knew it was a dream! First thing I did was get out of bed, and TOTM immediately popped into my mind. Mirror time (I was so excited). I went to the hall bathroom, pitch black and the light switch didn't work (ffffuuuuuuu). Neither did clapping, shouting, gnawing hacking biting breaking burning (/LOTR). So I crawled up on the sink, opened the glass cover of the lights, beat the shit out of the lights until they came on, replaced the cover, and got back down. Nothing like a little lucid brute force . I looked in the mirror.. it looked like me but the hair was wrong. Anyway, I just pushed my head through the glass, and there was quick moment of feeling like I was sticking my head through a membrane of water, then I could see. My head and torso pushed through the membrane and appeared on the 2nd story balcony of a loft apartment, overlooking a restaurant by the ocean. I remember the rails on the balcony were unusual, they were the first thing I saw and noted. Anyway, there were 4 people sitting at the outside table of the restaurant. I yelled at them "Hey, where am I?" One lady yelled back at bit rudely "This is the FLORIDA KEYS!" I thought it was pretty cool, but kinda uninteresting. It was a cloudy day, and looked more like a dirtyish city than some tropical islands. So I popped back out of the mirror (I never went fully through).

I saw my reflection again, and was excited because I succeeded AND because I was still lucid and hadn't woken up yet! I went back through the mirror again, only partially again, half expecting to see the same scene, half hoping it would be different. The front half of my body passed through the mirror again, and this time appeared inside a building. It was some kind of animal rescue or vet for exotic birds. There were no cages, just giant glass rooms. The place looked like it was funded pretty well, all clean and spacious. There were parrots and cockatiels and cockatoos, and birds of every color of the rainbow. And it sounded like I was in a rainforest with all the bird sounds. Some didn't fly, and just kinda walked around. I guess they were rescues who'd had their wings clipped. I'm not much of a bird person, so I left again.

I think this is where I woke up and went back to sleep. Hard to remember, I may have in between the other 2 experiences too. I know I woke up and went back to sleep at least 2 more times, because I remember getting out of bed and thinking "YES I'm still DEILDing" a couple more times. I'm just fuzzy on the order, sorry about that. I had more luck with bathroom lights from here on though. I remember walking down the hall, and the bathroom door was closed. But I could see light peeking under the door. Thank you subconscious. I opened the door, plenty of light, and looked in the mirror. I noticed 2 cats I used to have were sitting on the bathroom sink, Henunu and Gepiepe. I gave them a few pats, then returned to the mirror. I pushed my head through and saw a really pretty creek that reminded me of the Guadalupe River, with lots of Cypress trees. And it was a beautiful, cool sunny day. I wanted to go all the way through and explore, but then I noticed the water. It was all green and murky, and looked too deep for the creek size. I said "HELL no" and popped back out. Then I thought, "Chicken." So I went back in, only partially (I have to remark at how easy it was to pass through the glass each time.. I had expected some resistance, but it was just like liquid. More thick than water, kind of like a gel), and I saw the same scene. I looked down, and I was right over the bank, and there were rocks below. So I picked up some rocks and threw them at the water to see if anything creepy would stir. I didn't notice anything, so I went completely through for the first time. I picked up the largest rock and carried it with me, just in case hehe. I just walked along the bank, and looked at the ground and the remarkable cypress roots, avoiding the water. Then I woke up.

Again, hard to remember the exact order, but I remember going through 3 more times. I peeked through the mirror and found myself looking at the back of some chairs in a restaurant. It looked like teatime... oooo fancy! So I went through and sat at a table with 3 other women. They were passing around a menu and ordering tea sandwiches. I was the last one to get the menu, and before I could place my order, the first lady grabbed it out of my hands! Obnoxious looking rich blonde bitch. She said "Oh I'd like to go ahead and place my order for tomorrow as well." I yanked it right back out of her hands and said "Give me that back!" Then I just kinda looked at her for a minute, and she looked down. I said "This is stupid." And I got up and went to the bathroom, specifically with looking for a mirror in mind. There were several mirrors in the pretty little restaurant bathroom. I took the smallest one off the wall, it was just a thin rectangular mirror, trying to figure out how I was going to get through it. Then I heard a voice on the other side of the bathroom.. it was a lady sitting in a chair. She said "That bigger mirror would probably be better." Haha. So right. So I went through that one and found myself back on that 2nd story loft again, overlooking that restaurant again. The same rude lady was at the same table with her same friends, and she saw me and said "Yes, it's still the Florida Keys." And I screamed back at her "YEHAAAW!! THE FLORIDA FUCKING KEYS, HELL YEAHHHH!!" and came back out of the mirror.

I went in one last time, from that same mirror I think, and came out in the most boring looking residential area I had ever seen. I thought, meh, why not. I walked around but the place seemed deserted. I went inside one house and didn't' see anyone. I started getting randy of course.. tis a side effect of lucidity for me I'm afraid. But since I was alone, I decided that I wanted to really see what my anatomy looked like when it changed to male parts. I won't go into detail, but I was looking in a full length mirror in one of the bedrooms, and I saw an awful lot. Finally a guy showed up a bit later and we had sex but I woke up half way through.

The End, shit.

I was in a Red River type place that was actually in Kansas, with Matte and some other people I couldn't identify. We were tornado chasing, although on foot. Mostly it was just a nature hike because it was a clear, sunny day with no clouds whatsoever, much less tornadoes. So we caravaned to a large picnic that was set up for our lunch. It was a nice looong table, shaded by beautiful cloth gazebos in bright colors, which flapped slightly in the wind. I was kinda looking forward to sitting by Matte, because hello, muscles. But he sat down by some people and there were no empty chairs next to him. Bummer. I don't really remember eating, but I remember they were grilling burgers, and I saw the smaller table with burger add-ons, like slices of tomato, and red onion, ketchup and mustard etc. Anyway I was walking a bit past the table into a huge meadow, where the horizon was blocked by huge trees. Suddenly the wind blew alot harder, and I heard thunder and saw lightening. I looked up at the tops of the trees, and a tiny little dark gray cloud appeared, sparkling with little flecks of lightening. It was really cute, if such a thing could be called cute. Then a tiny little gray tornado formed just under the cloud, though it was really high up in the sky, and miles and miles from being close to touching the ground. I screamed "Tornado TORNADO!!!!!" and a group of people rushed toward where I was standing. I immediately did the finger through palm RC, the one I always do when I see a tornado in dreams. Which is gay because it nearly always fails. It failed once more, and I thought to myself, "Well, I guess THIS time it's for real." Then I remembered how I ALWAYS say that, and it's NEVER real. So I just said "You know what, fuck it I MUST be dreaming." And then the fact that I realized this cloud was completely silly, and Matte, a guy from Sweden whom I've never met, was in Kansas with me, hunting tornadoes, confirmed that I was dreaming. I felt like I didn't really care that much. Don't know why. So I didn't really do anything special. I just kept watching the sky with the others. The little cloud sauntered along the sky, all by itself with it's little tornado tail. I said "That thing's too small to reach the ground." Other people muttered "yeah, lame." So we just walked off to continue the day nature hiking instead. As I turned to walk toward the trail, Matte grabbed my hand. So we held hands the rest of the way. Also there was a big hug in there somewhere, but I can't remember if it was before or after the tornado.

I'm laughing as I'm typing this because it's so gay!!

Non-lucid Chain: W-vacuum-noodlephoto-funeralnotice-Claudia-$5buttdress-Rammsteinspikedhair.

Non lucid part:

Came back to add the non lucid stuff based on that ^^. It's my new form of remembering dreams when I'm still in bed, waking up now and then, so I don't have to actually get up and write in a jjournal, whereby waking myself up too much. I call it "Linking Dream Topics."

Ok the first and worst, the vacuum. I dreamed that I was at work, and I went to the meat department. I was looking for the ATL from seafood, oddly enough. And he was there. So I found him and followed him to the back of the meat department. Looked much different than in real life. It was huge and dark and deep and cavernous. As I followed behind him, I saw all kinds of strange devices, including a vacuum type apparatus that was used to suck out the eyeballs out of the lambs before processing the rest of the carcass. I remember seeing some eyeballs still in the clear tubes attached to the vacuum. They still had eyelids and some were still trying to blink somewhat.

Later, I had a dream that really seemed to be in Red River again. I remember walking to the end of one of those mountainous, dusty roads, and there was a huge trailer. It was a film developing studio. For some reason, I thought it was extremely cool that it was what it was, and went inside. It was full of asians, and one offered me a bowl of noodles while he developed my film (that I didn't know I had). Best. Noodles. Ever. I remember them being egg noodles, the lo mein kind that I saw them make on Sesame Street once. I remember tasting toasted sesame oil, and there was thai basil and other vegetables. The whole dish was reminiscent of thai curry. I was just going at it with chop sticks until the dream changed again.

Margaret from Highland Park finally kicked it, and I was supposed to write the eulogy. I kept procrastinating it until I saw other TLs at the graveyard, all complete with eulogy papers on their tombstones. So I stressed over writing one.

Then some stress about getting a dress. I could only use $5, but the dresses were $100 or more. Then Claudia was wearing one and her normally fat squarish butt suddenly looked really round and bulbous. And I thought on the fact that I never noticed the bouncy bulbousness, which was REALLY apparent under the thin fabric of the dress. Hoppity hop hop hop..

Dream changes to the Rammstein concert I went to in 2001, just 1 month after 9-11. I was amazed they let me fly from my El Paso gig to Dallas for the concert. In real life I met them, and in the dream I did too. Only this time, Til didn't cover his 'do. Me or someone said "Oh your spiky hair looks like a porcupine." And he had a gruff remark.

So I set my alarm to go off at 11:15am, because I had #DVA at 11:30. When it went off, I resigned myself to not having any lucids, and just hit snooze to sleep stress-free for 5 minutes. Then I had an FA and got up to go to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at my teeth. There was an unusual gap in between them, like the tooth had gotten chipped a little. I have a tiny filling there in real life, so I thought maybe the filling got knocked out or something. I thought, damn.. I really need to make a dentist appointment and get this fixed. I touched the gap and little flakes of tooth(?) wiped away. I got worried, like maybe I was losing a chunk of tooth or something. But when I wiped it away completely, the gap was gone and my teeth were normal again. I was relieved, and stepped back from the mirror a bit to look at my whole reflection. My lips looked really weird now.. like just, not mine. Not the same size or shape or anything. So I said, waaaiiiit a minute, this is a false awakening! I looked at my eyes really close, and sure enough, the irises were milky green, and no pupils. So I left the bathroom went to the bedroom door, where Daisy and Bella were sitting there, looking up at me. They are NEVER in my room. I just said "Hey doggies" and they wagged their tails. So I left the room and started down the hall. I knew at this point that I only had a few minutes, because I knew I had hit the snooze button in real life, and it was only for 5 minutes. And I had no idea how long I was in the bathroom. As I went down the hall, it got darker, and one eye went blind. I lifted my hands and the other eye went dimmer. I just kept walking down the hall, waving my hands and clapping, but everything looked like a big brown out. I wasn't waking up, so I just kept going. FINALLY, I ended up in a livingroom that wasn't my house. But Chris was there, playing and watching TV. Everything was much brighter and stable. I knew I didn't have much time, and I was feeling randy as usual, so I started to leave to look for an adult. I felt for my stuff as usual, and at one point it turned into a foot temporarily, but I fixed it lol. Then I woke up from the alarm before attempting anything.

I should have just utilized those 5 minutes to attempt the TOTM, since I was right there at the damn mirror anyway. But I forgot about it. Balls.

Another odd DEILDy-DILD. I say DEILD quite loosely alot, because they usually happen when I have a DILD straight out of a FA, followed by a chain of mini lucids. Only lately, I haven't had the chaining so much, so really it's just a DILD. But I like to think positive, and assume that it *would have been* a DEILD, that just got cut short after the initial lucid.

Great, now that I got all that cleared up I had another odd DEILDy-DILD early this morning. Danny went off to work at 5am, and I went back to sleep. I had an FA where I thought I woke up briefly when Danny used the bathroom and came back to bed. He seemed irritated by something, and came back to bed and rolled over to back to sleep in a huff. Then I realized we were on the wrong side of the bed, usually I sleep on the right, now I was on the left. I thought to myself, hrmmm... I could be dreaming. And didn't he just leave for work? I reached down and felt around, and sure enough, I had boy parts. I decided I wanted to fiddle with myself a bit, but I was worried about DC Danny waking up and being irritated. So I moved really slowly. There's also that eternal fear that any movement I make in my dream bed could be mirrored in real life. In retrospect I think it's ridiculous, but during the LD, the fear of moving for real and losing lucidity is sometimes too powerful. I need to break this habit. So I grabbed myself, and I felt an odd bulbous thing on the side of my thing. It felt like a small orange. I thought, I'll just smooth that right out, and I did. Then DC Danny moved a bit, like he knew what I was trying to do. So I tried to be quieter and more discreet. Again, it felt like it was someone else's thing attached to me, no real nerve endings or proprioceptors like in that last one. I just kept going anyway, until I either lost lucidity or woke up or both.

Weening off 5-HTP.

So since the kids are out of school, I set my alarm for 6:55am and 7:15am, as if it were just another school day. Danny came home off his night shift at 7:15 as usual, then went to take a shower. I fell asleep before he got back, for which I am glad. This usually sparks the biggest FA/lucid opportunities for me. Because he doesn't always work night shifts when I'm off. So I'm not always trying to get to sleep when he takes an early shower. The point I'm making, when he comes back to bed after the shower, I'm not sure if I'm dreaming it or not, so it's an excellent opportunity to try and determine if I'm having a false awakening or not. So....

Danny comes back to bed and lies down. I turn over to look at him, and he's looking at me with the most ridiculous smile. Not a, "Hey baby, you want to?" smile.. more like a "My face is frozen in The Joker expression" smile. I just kinda touch his face and push his head down on the pillow. He just obliges and lies back, staring at the ceiling with the same creepy expression. If only I could screencap these things for him. Anyway, I was filled with that temporarily disorienting feeling of "I'm dreaming!" and went through my usual thing of carefully getting out of bed, feeling every movement to make sure I wasn't getting up for real, losing lucidity and therefore ruining the dream.

Here's where things get odd.. I don't remember losing lucidity and getting it back, but I must have, because the next thing I remember is being in the backyard of an unfamiliar house. It was nighttime and winter.. lots of snow on the ground. But I didn't appear here instantaneously.. I feel there's a gap in my memory. Only thing I can think of is I lost lucidity, then DILDed and got it back, but forgot reattaining the lucidity. So weird. Anyway, it was so beautiful out, and clear. The air was still, and quiet. There were two old fashioned lamp posts, one on my right, and one on my left. And there was a full moon to my right, occasionally disappearing and reappearing from behind tall, black pine trees. Then I heard a horrible sound, like some flying predator diving and screeching, grabbing its prey, then returning to flight. There was so much flapping and unholy animal like screeches. I was lucid so I wasn't scared, just really curious! I stepped off the porch onto the snowy ground, and looked to the sky. It was hard to see because it was so dark, but I could make out something really high up, with giant black wings, that reflected the cold blue moonlight. I just knew it was a Ring Wraith on a fell beast. I screamed "NAZGUUUUUUL!!!!!" and it swooped down near me, then back up into the air again. I was filled with the excitement and desire for it to swoop down and grab me with its claws, then take me flying to god only knows where. I kept screaming for it, and it kept swooping down close to me so I could see it, but it never took me. I started to get blind in one eye again (I think disappointment triggers lack of clarity in my LDs.. just a hypothesis). But I noticed that it helped if I stood in such a way that the trees blocked the moon and the lamp posts. I lifted my hands to where I could see both of them, and I began snapping my fingers back and forth. I did that because I wanted to incorporate at least 3 senses in my stabilization technique: seeing, feeling and hearing my fingers snapping. Things got really clear again, but I woke up right after.

I randomly became lucid when I was in this tall office building. I honestly can't remember how I became lucid, but I immediately left the one office I was in, to go outside and play. I wish I had remembered to do the 5-sense technique that Hyu and I had talked about yesterday. I didn't need it for stabilization, everything was nice and clear. I just wasn't very focused on anything, other than getting out of the building. So I think things went kinda fast and I wasted the dream. Still, I'll post everything I remember. As soon as I opened the door, I entered the stairwell of the building. I could see EXIT signs, perfectly neon green, with odd clefts down the center. Like someone had tried to bend them in half. They still worked fine though. So I went down one flight of stairs, and reached a hallway which appeared to be the bottom floor. On either end of the hallway were doors with EXIT signs above them. There was a small window on each door that I could see sunlight spilling in from, so I knew it would take me right outside. I just needed to choose left or right. I went right, and opened the door: an identical stairwell as the last. I repeated all that and chose the right door again. Same thing. This happened 3 or 4 more times before it dawned on me to go LEFT. As I headed toward the left door, I noticed that something had eclipsed the light coming in the window of that door. It was a person! I got scared, I don't know why. The door opened and a creep asian dude came toward me slowly. I shrieked, but not in a scared way exactly. More like you shriek when you're playing chase with someone, and they suddenly get you. So I started running away backwards up the stairs, and he kept following. I kept screaming and laughing, and he backed me into an office room. I'm still lucid at this point, but too wrapped up in this game to change anything about it. Oh well. So he's coming toward me, and I'm backing up against the wall, but I'm having horrible dizziness and coordination. He's holding an overturned martini glass, and starts pushing it toward my face, smiling mischievously. I just flick at the glass with my fingers, to get it out of my face, when he flips it over, and it fills with a green martini or something. And he says "Ta-da!" Before I could even say dah fuq, I woke up.

I've noticed lately that I'm having these random DILDs at the same time I would be having my previous DEILDs. I noticed that when I wake up and go back several times like I always did, I'm not remaining still. I open my eyes, and turn over, trying to get comfortable, and part of the reason I'm doing this is because it's getting so hot now. I'm going to get another fan and see if that helps. Not that DILDs are bad, I just prefer DEILD's.

Woah I've been naughty with the dream journal. Naughty as in not posting my non lucids. Bad ophelia.

Anyway, I was attempting my (formerly) usual DEILD, and there were just too many things waking me up... coughing kids dogs .. it's a holiday today. So around 10:30am, after yelling at Chris to let the dogs back inside because they were barking, and all but giving up on the DEILD, I began to drift off. Then I can't tell if this was real or not, but I heard the sound of a car hitting its breaks, and it lasted unusually long. Like 10 seconds maybe. I just kept listening, waiting for the car to stop screeching and be ok, or hear a crash. I heard a BIG BIG crash! I remember feeling sooo heavy and lethargic, and I wanted to get up and go check for hurt people. Almost felt like sleep paralysis, but not quite. I went straight into a dream, but didn't realise it. I was still thinking of the crash though, and found myself talking to my boss, Claudia, about it at work. So there I was in the bakery, and we were all "Ohhh, did you hear that wreck?" And she started to say something about some regional bakery members in reference to the wreck, but it made no sense. I said "Wait, what? Say that again?" And she just walked off toward her computer. I thought for a second, "That made no sense. I JUST heard that car wreck from my bedroom, but now I'm at work?" DOH! Lucid.

So the dream immediately went all snowy, but I remained calm. I followed Claudia, asking her to wait and talk to me. Hoping that would stabilize things a bit. I could barely see, so I was just following her in my mind, since i know that bakery like the back of my hand. I looked at my hands incidentally, couldn't see much through the technicolored snow. But I could hear and feel around just fine, so I went with that. I made it to Claudia's desk, and sat on the floor for some reason, trying to get her to tell me more about the wreck. Nothing. I stood up, and my vision came back. Now it was Chris on the computer, and he handed me a post-it with some writing on it. "This is the grocery list Mommy." The only two words on the list were: carrots, frosting. I laughed and said, "Oh, so you want carrot flavored frosting?" He said "Nuh uh, ewwwww." And for a split second i was going to indulge this part of the dream, and go shopping around the store for damn carrots and frosting. But then clarity hit me again, and I said, "No I want to play!" So I went down the back hall towards prepared foods department, hoping to find on of the hot chefs that work there. I felt the front of my jeans, and sure enough I had big boy parts. I got to the kitchen but it was empty. So I just messed with myself for a bit. Something I don't think I've ever mentioned before, but when I feel it, it doesn't exactly feel like it's mine. Like it's attached to me, but I don't get alot of sensation. It still turns me on, like if I were touching another guy, but still not the same. So I had the thought to lick my hand. That changed everything. (If this is getting to be too much, stop reading. I'm trying to be vague, but still.) It's like I woke up a non-existent proprioceptor, in a non-existent fallace. A true phantom nerve.. except usually people feel that when they've lost an appendage, not when they've never had it to begin with. Small detail, but noteworthy nonetheless. Then I noticed my assistant manager appear in the kitchen. We'll call him E. Now I've dreamed about him before. I don't particularly like him, but if I were single and desperate. And possibly drunk. And if it was dark, then I might do it once. At any rate, lucid desperation also counts for something, so I said "Yoh E, come here." He was rushing around and said "Ok, gotta do something first, brb." I said "No you don't, COME HERE." So he did a 180 and ran into my arms. Felt incredibly real, like I was really holding someone. I remember the feeling of his shirt, it was this ribbed black polyester, but was flowy and breathed nicely. Vision was still a bit snowy, but I was 100% going on physical sensations now. He went straight for my neck, and started biting it in a really sensual way. Fuck yeah. I told him to grab it, and he started jerking it really fast. I was in heaven. He kinda stopped for a second, as if he wanted to go ahead and have sex, but I said "No no, keep going.." He did. Dream faded. Woke up.

Still don't know if that car crash was real or not. I went outside but I didn't see anything. Cool dream.

Haven't been DEILDing much lately, not sure why. I'll WBTB, sleep and wake up a couple times like normal, get the vibrations, hell I even learned how to induce the vibrations, but I either wake up from the vibrations, or manage to slip into a nonlucid. Oh well, I've been having random DILDs so I guess I can't complain. Also, I was bad and didn't journal the ones I had sunday and monday, and I forgot them. I know that they were short though. The DILD I had this morning was better:

After a gross non lucid dream about my assistant manager, I was dreaming that I was messing around with our Xbox kinect. I was doing that thing my son always does in real life, where he goes to our xbox live accounts, and gives all our profile avatars a makeover. So I was browsing through the different females, and hair colors and so forth, and I noticed there were a ton mroe options than usual, and they looked less cartoony and more realistic. I suddenly became lucid, but my mind was really set on creating a female avatar. I just kept thinking to myself that since this is just a dream, I can make a real woman and make her come to life. Just like Pygmalion! Or Weird Science, take your pick. At any rate, I was thinking black hair and blue eyes originally, but something pushed me to make her tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and a very regal looking blue gown. She looked very much like that blonde I chased around in that one DEILD. Except this lady was taller. I made her like 6'0", no idea why. She was like a damn barbie doll, but real. Satisfied with my creation, I clicked on a button at the bottom of the screen that said "Train Station." Apparently that's where you go pick up your creation.

So I went out the front door and immediately I was standing at an old fashioned train station. A train pulled up, looked like something from the late 19th century. People started filing off the train, and I could see the blonde. I suddenly became extremely aware that I was a 5'8" woman, but I did NOT was us to be lezzies. So I made myself into a tall male just in time for her to get off the train. She looked impossibly beautiful. I'm impressed that my mind could create something like this. I remember she was carrying a small suitcase. Not important, just saying. She walked up to me and said hello. I just put my hand on the back of her neck, and pulled her in for a kiss. It was a really really long kiss, and it felt really good, but we didn't use tongue for some reason. Maybe they didn't back in the 1800s lol. When I pulled away, I noticed she looked like she might have a fever. I touched her forehead and it was hot and a little sweaty. She said she didn't feel good. So I picked her up all romantic movie-style, and walked into the train station, willing the doors to open to a hotel instead of a station. I carried her into a room and tucked her into the bed. She looked more comfortable, but sometimes she looked more cartoony, I don't know. Back and forth a little, like she wasn't always clearly real looking. I went to the bathroom to get a cool washcloth, and I randomly looked into the mirror. I'm glad I did this because I was getting a bit too lost in the dream. I saw my reflection, but I was a really hot looking guy. Dark wavy hair and dark eyes. I did one of those James Bond faces and stifled a laugh haha. I'm glad this happened, because it really crisped up the dream. Things looked more clear, and I didn't feel as compelled to be so caught up in the story. Like I could just abandon this whole thing and look for something else to do. Still, I went to the bed to check on the blonde, and it was amazing. She was crystal clear, 100% human looking. She didn't look sick anymore, and she looked up at me and smiled. I put my hand on her cheek and just stared at her. I remember thinking I wanted to have sex with her so bad, but I didn't want to if she was still feeling ill. Why do I get so wrapped up in these DCs. Now I know how some of you guys get completely stupid and unfocused when you have a hot blonde girlfriend. Anyway, the last thing I remember is my hand on her beautiful face, then I woke up.

Typing out this dream seems like it was really long, but it probably spanned only about 15-20 minutes. Still kinda cool.