Xanous' Dream Journal

#129 There Is No Wall WILD

I am deep into HI/HH. For some reason I remember how CanisLucidus likes to sleep on his stomach. "I hear him say have you ever tried it on your stomach?" My dream self rolls over halfway on my stomach. I can feel the blanket over my face and I begin to feel strange whirling spinning sensations. I was amazed how much better a WILD attempt this was. I focus on the sensations for a few seconds. (I didn't notice until later that I felt zero vibrations like I usually do. I am actually glad that this didn't throw me. Never give too much attention to the noise. Passively monitor it.)

Then I feel my wife in bed poking my ribs and telling me to wake up. I try to ignore her. But she keeps doing it. I say to her, "Stop it pleeeease! I am trying to have a lucid dream and you are waking me up."

I never open my eyes but I roll over to my back. She is still moving the bed around and saying to wake up. I realize this probably not really happening. I tell myself over and over that she is not real. I decide that I just need to get out of here. I can still feel a slight grip from the sleep paralysis making me move slow and awkward. But I manage to stand up without too much trouble.

It's dark in the room but I manage to see my hands clearly. I open the bedroom door and find myself in a long hallway. The dream is still blurry and insubstantial but I realize this is not my house. Something reminds me of my ex in-law's house. I begin to believe that's were I am. The dream comes together now and that exactly where I am. I make it to the living room and pause for a second. I think, "If this is their house then which wife is in the bed? Past or present?" I decide that I really don't want to know or want to be here so I continue out the front door.

It is really dark outside. I think the only way out of here is to just fly away. I see the sun coming up the west. I find that slightly funny as I start to fly up. Then, I get lost in the void and feel the dream breaking up. I decide to just go back to the ground and stay inside. For some reason the dream wants me here.

I go back inside and visually stabilize myself. I wonder around the living feeling slightly triumphant. I think, "Haha bitches I'm in your house and your not even here!" I explore the house some and realize there is very little clutter or furniture. Every thing looks spacious and organized. I see a small white wooden door with no knob in a random spot on the wall. I use expectation to make it open to some place else. Nope. It's a small closet with a water heater.

I walk around the wall into the kitchen and then back into the living room. I see a clear spot on the wall separating the living room and kitchen. I think maybe I can draw a doorway with my fingers to get out of here. I make a motion with both fingers at the top but realize my hands phased into it. HA phasing! I think about reaching past the wall into the space beyond. My hands pass through fine so I thrust myself into it. My arms get softly stuck at the elbows. I pull back and stare at the wall. I say, "There is no wall. There is no wall." I really focus on believing it. I think about the space beyond the wall again as I jump forward. I feel a slight sensation like a cool mist of water pass over me. I feel grounded on the other side but all I can see is the color of the wall. I think about the other side and what it should look like. The dream stabilizes.

I look around the kitchen/dining room and see the back door. I really want out of this house! I have TOTY on my mind and want to move on. I can see the door is open but the screen is closed. I can see outside and it is total darkness. I feel really confident from phasing and decide to take a risk. Without thinking things through I rush forward flying head first into the door and throwing it off its hinges into the darkness. I say,"This leads to another planet!" (why?)

I am now engulfed in the void. I feel spinning sensations. I relax myself like in any other DEILD and try to focus on seeing something. I think about the Colosseum a bit while I wait. After a while I wake up.

100Mg-5htp prebed
Bedtime 10pm
Wbtb 2:30a-3:00a
400Mg L-theanine
2 capsules Calea Z
1 tablespoon Calea Z in tea form. The taste was not so bad compared to wormwood!

I felt tired and mellow. I relaxed easily and attempt WILD. I took awhile to clear my mind. I tried the counting but it kept me too alert. I then focused more on a version of SSILD. Pretty much the same just more free flowing and less structured. I lose consciousness pretty quick.


I am in Walmart. For some reason I take 3 large Styrofoam cups from a soda machine near Subway. A cashier says something snarky and the door greeter reprimands her for it. The cashier says, "Oh I just like to give her husband a hard time." The woman is older with gray hair and I assume its someone that works with my wife. I don't know what to say so I just smile politely and walk on by. I am heading to the back of the store when do my usual awareness stuff and notice that I feel really odd. I think, That Calea Z. is kicking and now I'm stoned." I stop walking now and begin hovering down the walkway. I pause to get my bearings and taking in the dream scene.

For some reason I am instantly kicked back into vibrations. I don't feel myself in bed but I know I am about to have a OBE. I am not excited but really content because its been awhile. I feel my face turn into a huge smile.

Then I hear a phantom alarm clock. I don't know if its real or not and worry that its time to get up. I reall want to look at the clock but I know I'll lose the dream if I do. I briefly debate with myself but all the worry cuts off the vibrations and I am fully awake.

The time was 3:23am. I had just got back to bed from a WBTB ending at 3am. I practiced WILD for a good bit before losing consciousness this literally was the first dream.

I took a good while to go back to sleep and I didnt think to WILD again or even SSILD. I remember no more dreams after this. Perhaps Calea Z. has a really short half life. Or maybe I need a higher dose. It definitely doesn't compare to Galantamine.

WILD OBE

I get vibrations and try to get out of bed. It difficult to move still so I wait. I think just allow a scene to form but nothing happens. I relax and allow my feet to float and touch the floor. The sensation of having my feet on the floor allows me to stand up. I am a little wobbly and unsteady at first. It's dark but I can see. I am really happy I an lucid and think about the TOTY. I make my way out the front door. I become blind when I get outside. I start rubbing my hands for stability. Then I get the thought to touch my face. I put my hands on my checks. The sensation is ultra real and I am transported back to my bed. I open my eyes and see the ceiling. I am not sure now but I thought that I woke up. I close my eyes and relax.

I have a FA where I am trying to make and entry in my DJ. The phone is malfunctioning and not displaying the correct app. It make strange noises. I turn the volume down and I still hear it.

I say ”I must still be dreaming.”
But then I think, "No, the dream is so much more clear and detailed than it just was."

DILD

I fall back to sleep at some point. I tell my wife about how I think the L-Dopa was keeping me awake and how disappointed I am that the whole night is ruined. Then I think a bit. I say “You know what? I might be dreaming now.” I realize the truth as soon as I say it but unfortunately I wake up.

I've been a little dry since Saturday so every little bit helps. By the way, I am not adding this to my count.

Pre-Bed 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 3:30 (Missed alarm so I just got up at 4:00 long enough to take LDS)
100MG Caffeine
200MG B6

Unfortunately, I was able to finally confirm that taking melatonin pre-bed seems to cause WBTB insomnia. I didn't fall back to sleep until 5:30-5:40

I am driving in a mini-van. I begin to take notice of my visual awareness. (I have been hitting ADA pretty hard this week. I think it was sinking in) I noticed in great detail the road and the turns. I begin to ask why am I here, What was I just doing, and most importantly why am I driving a mini-van? I hate mini-vans. My mind begins to wonder on those questions and my attention slips from my driving. (distracted driving HA!) I found myself on the wrong side of the guard rails on some mountain road. Ding! The light comes on. I don't have to verbalize that I am dreaming. I am just lucid. I instantly know that I can just fly away and have total freedom. I am not in a vehicle anymore and as I begin to float up into a vivid clear blue sky...I wake up just before the alarm. Must be that internal alarm clock thing. Dammit!

Sleep position: Left Side

pre-bed 9:00PM
2000MG Fish oil - (some posts suggest better dreaming)
100MG 5-HTP
Bed 10:00PM
WBTB alarm 2:30AM but I woke naturally at 2:19AM
2ish MG Galantamine (poured half capsule out on a dish and just licked it off. )
250MG Choline
600MG GPC
0.5MG Melatonin

INSOMNIA!

+1MG Melatonin at 3:00AM
+2MG Melatonin at 3:30AM

Dosed off a bit brief DILD that I can't now remember. It was a crap dream anyway.
Short WILD with vivid Rainbow colored static and geometric shapes. I haven't tripped that hard since High School!

Finally fell asleep
I woke up about 5:30AM from a NON-lucid. Something about me and another man playing with our sons. We have Lord of the Rings action figures and bicycles. Aragorn against a goblin, orcs, some shrimp like creature, and Uruk-hai. The funny thing is the action figures were actually talking to each other.

#125 FA's Brief Lucids and one Hellacious DEILD chain

I don't know how long this entire dream segment was. I feel it was probably around 30min. Maybe longer. I am not sure. There are a few memory gaps in the beginning but this is the best I remember.

Ex in-laws
I am staying at my ex in-law's house. My ex wife does not exist. My current wife and my ex's brother brother is there. There was some long dialog. Something about his birthday party. I sit and listen to the convo. I go into deep thought like I usually do. I feel dislike for this guy (I never liked him IRL). I think about why I am even here. I remember that I dream this a lot.

I remember some SP but my focus was low

Downtown event
I have a FA. My wife and I are leaving the ex in-law's house. First we were driving now we are walking. My wife tells me that her "brother" R is going to give an anniversary surprise during his birthday party. I feel disgusted and want no part of it but say nothing.

It is really early in the morning and still dark. It looks like we are downtown Webb City. There are a few curbside bistros open and large groups of people are flocking to them. Most of them are nicely dressed in evening dresses and suits. As we are walking through I comment on this to my wife but decide there must be some event going on and these are famous places to eat. Anthony Bourdain comes to mind.

I sit in a folding chair next to some woman in a black evening dress. I look around and notice my wife went into a building. I just *know* that she had to use the restroom. This woman looks familiar to me but I don't know her. I felt an indescribably strong connection to her. Like a close friend or a family member. She is older with shoulder length gray hair. She is well kept and beautiful for her age. I get the feeling that she is ultra rich and well known. In spite of that, she is super friendly and down to earth. We have a really long conversation. I forgot almost all of it. I can only remember telling her that I was really confused. I told her that I had a brief lucid dream and I just woke up. I told her I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt really sleepy still. I don't remember her reply if any.

I start missing my wife and look behind me. I see a bunch of folding chairs set out full of people and a woman at a podium. My wife is taking a seat in the middle. The woman at the podium says something about a church service. I feel annoyed. I just woke up. I am tired and I am in no mood to sit through some church service in the middle of the street. I march over to my wife. I sit beside my wife, put a hard hand on her shoulder and ruffly whisper in her ear, "What is this bullshit!?" The woman turns to look at me. It is some blond woman. She looks shocked an a little scared. I feel extremely embarrassed. "OH! Um sorry. I thought you were..."

I run off to find my wife. The shock of this triggers lucidity. I remember that I took G and was trying to get lucid.

I am in bed with vibrations.

Memory gap

I have another brief FA to lucid here but I can't remember enough to record anything.


Blanket Attack

I am back in bed with vibrations. This time I feel like a retard. I very quickly remember the dreams and how I was so close. Now I am more focused and determined.

I transition out of bed but I am unstable. The blanket suck to my head and I can't see any more. I try to fight it but my hands can't feel anything. I give up and turn to leave blind. I am thrown back into SP.

DEILD

The Colosseum - Another failed attempt at TOTY

I transition out again. This time it is better. But I am blind. I feel my way out of the bedroom. I try opening my eyes for a bit but I realize that I keep opening my real eyes. I see the dream and see the waking world. Finally I stop and focus seeing through my eye lids. Now I can dimly see. This time instead of heading to the front door I wonder what the back door will be like. My vision improves once I reach the back door and have a hand on the door knob. I try to visualize a Colosseum. I think of the line I used last time. I open the door but I see a moon lit back yard. I close the door and try again. Still the same. Not wanting to push my luck and wake up I walk out side. At this point part of me wonders If I am sleep walking. As a RC I try to float. I see me feet lift off the upper level of the back deck. Yep it's a dream. Now, I uncontrollably float over the rest of the deck and do a nose dive into the ground. I flip and roll end over end. Undaunted, I get up and brush myself off. (Brush myself off? lol) It is still really dark so I look up and ask the dream, "I need some light here" Oops I forgot to be polite. "Please." Nothing happens. "Can I please have some light?" I look around sort of wildly. I see a full moon and some stars. I try to focus on the moon but it is like looking through unfocused binoculars. It is really unstable and blurry. I look to the east and see the sun is just beginning to light up the sky.

Encouraged, I decide to fly to Rome. I "feel" like Rome is to the east. My flying stinks but I remember a trick I learned from Robert W.'s book. I see the closest tall tree and focus on the tip. I go into warp speed. I see the small focused point of the tree but my peripheral vision is a blurry mess. I sort of lose vision for a sec but feel the tree branches smack into me. I blindly grasp and feel something small thorny branches. There is a dull pain but I don't dare let go. I see another tree in the distance. I repeat the exact same thing.



I look farther out. I see a tree covered mountain range. The sun is rising behind it. The mountains look really far away. They are small and on the horizon. I pick a spot with trees and focus. I fly/teleport. Again, I grasp branches and hold on. I lose vision briefly again. I think that this has to be far enough.I let go and drop to the ground. I land hard.

I pick myself up off the ground and notice the sky is dark again. I try to imagine the Colosseum again. A huge spot light comes on be. I begin to hear a roaring crowd chanting something. I think, This is it! I pretend I have a sword sheathed on my left side. With my right arm I make a drawing motion. I can hear it come out but I feel nothing. All I can see is my shadow on the ground in front of me. I am a bulky muscular man with a Gladius in my right hand. I am in a fighting stance and ready for battle. At that moment the dream collapses.

Haunted?

DEILD back into bed. This time I give the SP a little more time. I focus on the feeling and relax. I just wait and watch like I do when I have HI.

I begin to see a bright blue blob of color. I focus on it. It looks like some sort of animation on a computer screne. I sit up and reach for it. It becomes a tablet in my left hand. I continue to watch the strange blob. I ask the the dream, "What is this?"
I hear a reply in my mind, "EVIL..... THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED."
I become afraid. I shout. "YOU FAGGOT! SHUT-UP! NO IT'S NOT!" (faggot? really? Sorry folks, I never use that word IRL) Then I realize that I pretty much just called myself a faggot. I think about stupid it was. The dream collapses.

The Creep In The Mirror

I DEILD again and remain calm. I sit in SP again. I am beginning to realize that if I give SP some time and not rush things I will be able to see better. After some time I can see the room. I get out of bed. This time I try to focus on using the bathroom door to teleport to the Colosseum. It is the closest door. I remember the non-lucid awhile back that when I opened the door it led to a park outside. I try to visualize the outline of wall again. I open the door. Nope. Normal bathroom. I try again and the room is a black void. I feel encouraged and walk in. I imagine a Gladius in my hand and try my WILD tech in dream. I make a repetitive chopping action with the sword and wait for the Colosseum to form.

Suddenly the lights come on. I am just in my bathroom. I can see the sun coming from the window. The light is bright and warm like noon in the summer. I decide to just play around now.

I go to the sink and look in the mirror. I notice the medicine cabinet is all wrong. It has a sliding glass door rather than a hinged one. I look really creepy and distorted. My body is all jittery and wavy like I an underwater. I focus on my face. My eyes look bloodshot. My goatee is gone and I look like I am 16 again. I gasp and let out a laugh. When I do that there is this strange zooming focus effect in the mirror with the background behind me. I am taken aback. I focus again on my face. I am making crazy faces at myself. I am still wavy and jittery. My reflection give me a half smirk. It looks like someone is photo editing my mouth in real time with a smudge tool. I realize I am not smiling. Then I notice that I have a black, smoky aura around me. I gasp and again the strange zooming effect. It was almost like reality bent and flexed around me. I focus on my face once more and it looks sort of normal. I feel really creeped out and decide to move on.



I think about going outside so I look out the window. I pull back the blinds but find that I can't see past the screen. Its just really bright light coming in. I decide to head to the front door.

I walk through into my son's room. And become distracted. I see him asleep in the crib. I lean over him and say "BOOOO!" He makes a face and puts his hands to his mouth. He looks like he is about to cry. I feel really bad that I scared him. I try to comfort him and kiss is forehead. Then I wonder if I am really astral projecting and worry that I am waking him up. Then I get an idea.

I rush back into my bed room to try and see myself. I go back through the bathroom. There is breif darkness. Then I an standing next to my bed in the dark. My wife wakes up and half-way sits up. I see my body lying in bed in my right side with my legs slightly bent. I notice that MY HEAD IS MISSING. I jump in the bed next to me. It feels like a plastic dummy. It has a shirt and shorts on. I reach into the neck of the shirt but it feels like smooth skin. I remember the headless boy dream the scene destabilizes.

Concentration is Lost

I begin to DEILD again. I feel the vibrations buzzing my body. This time I become distracted. I realize that have had a long dream. I feel like I am going to forget is all. I try to think back while keeping the SP going but this much thinking fully wakes me up.

The time is exactly 7:00AM. I feel a little confused because the room is so dark still. I swear to myself that I am still dreaming but after several clock RCs and awareness checks I quickly realize I am not. It is just cloudy outside.

Bedtime - shoot for 9:30PM
Pre-Bed 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 1:15AM
Took supplements set out on bed side table. I wanted to avoid getting out of bed but I had to pee. Then back to bed.
4MG Galantamine
500MG Choline
600MG GPC
approx. .375MG melatonin

I fall straight back to sleep.
*many interruptions*
At about 3:00AM I begrudgingly take 1MG melatonin. That seems to get my drowsy enough. But unfortunately the visual quality was poor and the dreams fragmented. I think it was probably because of the melatonin. Still, I enjoyed some nice but short lucids but the joy was sucked away from all the trouble I had. Maybe, I was expecting too much and maybe I was just thoughtfully pissed off by now.

Gladiator - TOTY (fail)- WILD - around 4AM

I am laying still for a WILD. I begin to 'ohm' meditate but the sound is internal. I experience strong HH/HI. My head is buzzing. There is something in my mouth. It feels like a flat disc that is vibrating. Then, I see I am bitting onto a pink tab on the end of a womans white bath robe. The woman who is wearing the robe is busy doing something. She is sitting on the edge of a tub, starting her bath. She does not seem to notice me and pulls my head along this way and that. I realize what is happening and I come to slightly more awake.

That was unpleasant so I try something else. I go back to "ooooooohm". It quieting my internal chatter. I begin to visualize my own right hand holding a Gladius. Soon it becomes very vivid. I repeat a sideway slash over and over. Soon it becomes more natural to swing up and down in a tomahawk chopping action. I am in the dark void and I can vividly see the hilt of the sword with a brass ball at the end. It is not shiny and smooth but pock marked and dull from heavy use. I can't see the blade because it is more above my head. (Thank you, CanisLucidus for the sword idea!)



I begin to hear things. A solider shouts something in another language. It sounds like he is gruffly barking orders. Then I hear a pounding noise. It sounds a deep drum beat and people stomping all in unison to my over-head-chopping. Each downward slice is a beat. Boom... Boom... Boom... I remain calm and relax more.

Again I vividly hear the solider shouting orders. I am reminded of soldiers in formation for battle but I think, "No. I am in a Colosseum. I am fighting one man." I think maybe those in charge are just getting things ready and that's who I hear.

Now, along with the drum beat and foot stopping, I hear a very large crowd get excited and cheer. It sounds like thousands of people.

I don't over think things here but I just expect to see a Colosseum now. I had prepared before hand how I was going to visualize this. I thought of a simple geometric shape as a building block for the dream scene. I visualize this now. It was a simple curved line to form a wall in front of me like a half circle. Like looking across to the other end of a stadium.



The darkness parts in the middle of my vision like a curtain. My vision is very blurry but I can see enough. The sun is high in mid day. There ground is brown dirt and scattered gravel. Still the crowd is in an uproar. The booming may have stopped I am not sure. I continue my chopping action.

Soon a a figure materializes before me. Still blurry but I see a man that looks a lot like The Prince of Persia.



He wastes no time. He jumps in the air does a downward diagonal slash with his Scimitar. I reflexively put my Gladius up and deftly parry the blow. The impact sends a shock up my arm and startles me. I feel my entire physical body jerk and the scene colapses.


I try to go back in oooohming and chopping but I just can manage. I feel wakeful once more.

Eventually I give up on it all.

OBE DEILD Chains. Time unknown

I barely remember feeling vibrations but I am fooled by a false awakening. I am lying on the floor next to the recliner. There is someone in the recliner who looks a lot like me but I pay no attention. The room and floor is bright white light. It was a lot like the loading area on the Matrix. I feel pissed that I missed the vibrations and think that I did not try. "I really should have tried." I relax and do an in dream WILD. I mantra, "I am dreaming."

In a few seconds I am in the recliner with Vibrations. I float of of my chair. The room is dark (as in RL) and the dream feels really unstable. I feel wobbly and drunk. I try something that I read about. I imagine my feet becoming roots deep into the floor. I can feel my feet fusing down solid. Then I realized there was something I was supposed to do with my hands. I forget so I start rubbing them. I can vivid see the detail of the hard wood floor and the window to the front porch. There is a blue light coming in from a street lamp. I focus visually on this (Actually the visuals was really nice here now that I think about) I start to feel like a tree. I feel like I am growing and stretching. My feet come off the floor. I begin to destabilize. I feel like I was trying too hard or was thinking too much.
I go back to SP.

This time wait but I try to open my eyes. My real eyes pop open. I DEILD with mantra, "I am dreaming."

Back to SP in the recliner. This time I am scared to open my eyes. I feel my way outside onto the front porch. I realize now that the sound from the central unit was completely gone. This made me briefly wonder if I was sleep walking. I realize that I am just really deeply dreaming and feel content with that. I feel along the exterior wall of the house. I brush the screen of a window and realize that was my sons room. I withdraw my hand and tense up thinking I woke him up. I quickly realize this was silly. I turn toward the road and try to open my eyes to see. I open my real eyes and wake up.

I am able to dose off a bit before the alarm clock but I don't recall any more dreams. The clock got me.

PreBed: Valerian Root

Bedtime: 9:30PM

Try nREM WILD. Close. But I lose it.

2:30 WBTB - I vaguely recall a dream about a guy at a car lot talking my wife out or working there. Shootings and stabbings. The location was dream familar. I see it from an birds eye view.

I try to induce WILD with Binaural Beats from my recliner. I found the sound kept me awake and one of the cats kept making noise. As soon as the audio stopped I feel into non lucid sleep.

The dream is like a TV drama about a boy finding his mom abusing pills. The dad has a break down in front of people at a party. There is an after scene and the mom says shes taking her life in a new direction. Someone tells the son to take his money and fix the window and then use the rest for gas. He continues to tell him the doesn't was this hanging over his head the rest of his life. "Zule" will be with you. (Zule? WTF?)

3:57AM

I move to my bed.

I have another crazy dream about some crazy woman in a tree. She almost looks like Ernest P. Worrell in drag. She is quoting from the bible. Her plan is to crash through a window of a church and exercise a demon. As she is reading the Bible she acts seductive and rubs her legs. It was all very comical. She then leaps onto a zip line and almost crashes through the window but she was too heavy and hit low. She gets up off the ground hurt and says something so funny that I wake up laughing. But I couldn't remember what it was she said.

4:56AM

MILD mantra. Back to sleep.

#122 Startled on the Road

I am having a sex dream with my wife when I hear some one yell, "OK TIME TO EAAAAT!"

I have a type of FA here. My wife runs into the other room and says, "How do they expect us to come like this?"

I reply, "How do you think I feel?"

Then realize the bedroom door is open and we are visiting. I see her Aunt D come to the door way and pause. I stretch and yaw like I had just woke up. She walks in and adjusts a strange looking box fan. She asks, "How did you sleep?"

I say, "I slept fine."

Suddenly I am driving in my car. I can hear a intermittent wind coming from the left window (I think it was actually either my breathing or my wife snoring LOL) I look at the window but it is up. Then, I wonder what just happened. I look to the right and see my wife is not with me. I yell out for my son, "R, are you back there?" Then I realize he wouldn't answer. I ask for my wife, "A, are you back there?" No reply. I feel odd about this so I do a habitual nose plug.

I blow right through! (The sensation is always so odd) *GASP* "I am dreaming!" It was such a shock for some reason. I either am too excited or I think about my physical body, because I have a FA but I can feel light vibrations. I wait a moment to be sure of things and then I get up. The feeling of it feel about right for a dream. This time the sheet stick to me. I can see fine in the dim light and note the bedroom door. I try to unwind myself but the sheet keeps coming like a roll of toilet paper. I drop it and ignore it. I start thinking about TOTY and how I was going to teleport. I feel confused about it.

Then I wake briefly. I start to DEILD and begin to feel the vibrations again. This time I let my mind become distracted by trying to remember how this all started. The vibrations left and I was fully awake now. I tried to get it back but I couldn't

Wake at 5:23AM


Position: On my back and slightly turned to the right side
Lucid Duration: about a minute. Too effen brief.
Tech: MILD mantra "I am dreaming" after several non lucid awakenings.
Aids: None
Things to improve: Staying focused on the dream and on the now. Excitement issues returning.

Pre-bed mild alcohol consumption
WBTB - 3:30AM
Ultra low dose of caffeine <=25MG, 200MG B6
Changed location to recliner to WILD. Failed.

Was on the verge of a DILD. I was becoming analytical when I was awakened by a crying baby at almost 4:40AM. Yep right at peek time. I think the dose was low enough to stay asleep that time too. I was very groggy.

Back to bed at 5:45AM.
Wife's alarm goes off at 6:00. I lye perfectly still and wait for DEILD. Nothing happened right away so I started to recall the dream. I slip back into sleep. Curious thing here. Perhaps I am not giving enough time to DEILD. If it doesn't happen right away I give up. Next time, I will wait at least a few minutes if I can. The problem is that I am certain to lose the dream recall if I attempt DEILD and there is no guarantee that I will hit DEILD. I have fallen back into non-lucid dream with zero recall while failing DEILD. I suppose its worth trying a few night a week even if it kills recall. 1 lucid is worth 100 non lucids.

So, I fall back to sleep non-lucid but I end up having a very brief DILD. The fact that it was so short is due to the fact that I temporarily chose to give up lucidity as a way to keep the current dream going. I was actually trying to postpone my awareness for just a bit but I lost concentration for obvious reasons.

Wife's Doppelgänger

Since the alarm went off I was thinking my wife turned it off and got into the shower. I can hear the shower water running. But when I roll over I see my wife lying next to me. For whatever reason we begin to have sex.

In the throws of passion I wonder about the woman in the shower. How can my wife be there and here. Something about her feels off. Not physically but more like an extra sense of discerning. I almost felt like I was cheating on her with someone that looks like her while she was just in the next room. Then I think, "Of course, I am dreaming!"

At that instant the dream goes black. I really didn't want what was happening to end so I acted on instinct instead of thinking straight. I let go of my awareness a bit. I said, "No no no no no.. OK not yet. I don't have to be lucid now. Afterwards I will be lucid."

The dream resumes and we pick up were we left off.
I briefly wonder what the interruption was but have no memory of being lucid. I dismiss it with other explanations.

Afterwards, This version of my wife disappears and I have a FA. I think I about the dream I just had and get out of bed. I hear my wife get out of the shower and lay back down pretending to be asleep. She asks me rather disgusted, "What were you doing?"
"Nothing. Why?"
She walks around the bed and picks up a towel. "What were you doing with my towel? Look at it. It's a mess"
Embarrassed, I think I must have humped the towel in my sleep.

I jump and sit straight up when my wifes snooze alarm goes off. I am shocked to see her next to me in bed still.

Pre-bed 5HTP 100MG
Bedtime 10:00PM
Trouble sleeping - 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 2:30AM
4MG Galantamine, 250MG Choline, 300MG GPC, 1.25MG Melatonin
Insomnia!
3:00AM Took additional 5MG Melatonin, 300 GPC
SSILD/WILD/Meditation
Finally asleep around 4:00AM

119 The Bike Ride DILD

I am walking down a street downtown behind some people. I see a woman in a blue dress walking quickly past me. She is on her cell phone and looks like a business woman. I think, "Gee working at the office on the weekend?" Then I remember its Friday morning and become lucid.

I walk fast around the people in front of me for some reason. I look around at the scene. The details are blurry. I think about the basic TOTM and want to ask them to guess my number. I slowly turn around and wonder if the scene would change on its own but when I do the dream destabilizes.

I keep from waking up by visualizing a motion. I quickly decide cycling. In a few seconds I am back in the dream on my bike. I can feel the breeze and smell the fresh air of outside. I never have smells in dreams and am surprised at this. I don't see any DCs now. The bike ride feels really good. I can feel my leg muscles stretching and working. I think how its been too long since it got cold. "Oh yeah, It's still a dream." I come into some traffic. I feel exhilarated and triumphant. I run into the traffic to let the cars try to hit me. I see a white SUV come my way and then swerve. I yell, "What's up bitches?" The dream fades.

Again I DEILD by visualizing peddling. I find that I am just lying in my bed peddling in the air. I think I am probably still dreaming but I wonder if I will wake my wife. Then I hear some very original music. It sort of sounds like a pop song but the words are garbled. I am intrigued by it. The music is very moving and extremely enjoyable. I feel joy and exhilaration. I begin to sing to it. I realize my words are garbled and change to humming. I wonder if my wife can hear it in real life. ( I cannot even begin to remember the song now... sad)

I feel SP now and I get out of bed with very little trouble. The room is dark and I walk to the bedroom door. I pause and try to think of ancient Rome. I know its Greek but the first image I get is the Parthenon.



I think that maybe it's close enough for a gladiator fight to get TOTY. I expect to see it when I open the door but its just my house. I walk to the dining room and bump into the table. It's totally dark in here but somehow I made the light in the bed room come on by thinking how I need to see. I can see the light coming from behind me but it's not enough to see in the room.

I can't see my cat but I hear it hiss at me. I reach for it and feel fur and then pain. I squeeze it and move my hand. I feel a giant lump of fur attached to my hand for just a few seconds then it vanishes. I become scared and whimper a bit. I quickly compose myself and yell at the cat. "STOP IT, STUPID! ... I am going outside."

I walk to the front door. I try to picture a new scene but come up blank. I wake up.



I have some wakefulness still so I move the to living room recliner.

I have several DILDs but wake almost instantly. Some I forgot.

120 Rainbow Demon WILD

I am in my recliner I have SP. I hear my wife walk into the living room. She says something sexy and then climbs on top of me and straddles me. She pins my hands above my head by the wrists. When I look at her she turns into the rainbow fractal demon. I freak out and push it away. This time I notice there aren't really any fractals incorporated. It's just humanoid shaped and dark. The rainbow colors remind me of how a soap bubble shows color in the sunlight. It's just on the surface and enough to give it definition and detail.

We are now just sort of floating in the void together. I think, "Hey its a DC I'll do basic." I see it sort of far away and ignoring me. It is turned to its left and appears to be playing Opossum. I know this and go ahead and ask, "Guess a number between 1 and 100."
It replies with my wifes voice, "Um 69." (Whore)
I almost laugh at this. "Nah, it was 50."
I wake up

Try to DEILD but have DILD.

121 Horrible Contractors DILD/DEILD

I hear a noise like a large diesel engine outside and get out of my recliner. I open the door and stand in the doorway. I see some Mexican men working in my yard. They are doing construction. I wonder why they would wake me at 5 in the morning with there construction work. One is pushing a wheelbarrow and the other is on my porch with some strange looking red thing with wheels. It almost looks like a barbecue pit with wheelbarrow handles.

I am pissed but I realize I am staring at them with a hammer in my hand and wearing only boxer briefs. I don't look at it but I vividly feel there is a hammer in my right hand. Embarrassed, I walk back inside. Then, I think, "Wait. I might be intimidating right now.Maybe I can chase them off." I go back outside and see two cars are somehow parked on my porch. I don't see the men so I walk into the yard. "They better not be working on MY house." I look and see some roofing material on my roof. "Well I guess if they want to. I need a roof." I walk around to find the men and say, "Oh yeah. This is a dream." Everything fades to black.

I DEILD perfectly and get up out of the recliner. I am much closer to the door now so I easily step outside. Again I am shocked to smell the air. It's like rain. I wonder if am just sleep walking. I realize my eyes are closed. I cautiously open them. I see some distortion then it clears up. I am on the front poach. Again I feel like I am in my underwear. I really hope this is a dream because this might get embarrassing. I step off the porch but notice I am hovering. I laugh. I slowly float to the ground. Then, I jump up high. Then, I float back down. I feel bored now but I remember the advanced TOTM. Fireworks. Its hard to explain but I sort of clap/rub my hands like I am starting a fire with flint and steel. I see a bottle rocket shoot forward and make a little pop and some yellow color. I do it several times again. Then, I decide that I really want a big show. I look up and do one big clap. I see a giant red explosion. Then a green. All typical fire works. Then I get a nice surprise. The color of the next few explosions turn into rainbow streaks. But the odd thing about it was that is looked really 8-bit and in straight lines.

Similar to this. I think of it as 8-bit because the lines looked dotted.



I laugh and dance around in the glow of the fireworks. I feel like a child. I begin to sing some children's song (I can't for the life of me remember what it was). I realize my voice sounds like it did when I was a young boy. I wake up.

No aids (unless you want to count the 10MG melatonin at bed time but that was not the intent)
Bedtime 8:30PM
Natural WBTB at 2:30AM - brief
MILD - mantra "I am dreaming" - Setting intention

Had a few NLDs

117 His First Words MILD/DILD

I drive into a hospital parking lot and get my son out of the car seat and into my lap. I sit there trying to get him to fall completely asleep. I hear a voice on a speaker. I look and see it looks like a bank drive through.
The nurse says, "The hospital is clooooooosed." Her voice sounds like its coming from my radio.
Unsure, I reply to the radio, "It's ok I'm just getting him to sleep. Driving around helps. And he WAS in the car seat."
She says something back but her voice wakes him and I get annoyed.

Suddenly, I am walking in the hospital. I am trying to get him to go back to sleep gently bouncing and rocking. He looks at me and says what I mistake for "Cheese". Some girl in the waiting area comments about his first words.

I try to get my Galaxy Player from my pocket to record him. I can't believe my wife is not here to witness his first words. Again my son speaks, "Keys". Oh, keys! I look to my right and my wife had keys in her hand. "Keys. I want keys." I look at my wife.
"Can you believe hes talking. His first word was keys!" I am so excited but she acts like its not big deal. She almost seems depressed. This reaction is so opposite of her personality that it dawns on me.

I say, "Oooooh. He is dreaming. I mean, you are dreaming. No, WE are dreaming!"
She just looks at me and blandly says, "Yea".
I feel the dream starting to get dim and collapse. I stop and wait. I almost do a type of meditation because I felt excited and my heart was racing. (probably not the best idea here. I should have stabilized another way. I was hoping to just come out in another scene. I was kicking myself later for not thinking of the basic TOTM) I became calm and felt like I was slowly spinning and floating for a while. Then gradually, I woke up wide awake.

WBTB - I woke naturally at 3:30AM but I was so tired that the thought of an extended WBTB was horrendous. My alarm went off at 4:00AM. I woke naturally again around 4:30. I got up long enough to take aids and then did some SSILD.

Aids - 50MG Caffeine, 100MG B6 (I swear I thought I got up and took 5MG melatonin but I think it was a dream.)

Tech - I had a hard time going back to sleep. I switched from SSILD to meditation to WILD attempt to SSILD. I was in an out of consciousness and had a few non-lucid dream fragments. I felt restless. Finally at 6:13AM I wake from a brief DILD.

Notes - I am not sure what happened here but I went way past my usual 45-60 min window. Maybe it was the lower dosage that kept me from being too awake to not be able to fall back to sleep. I think tonight I would do better to get up at 3:30 and see if I can avoid the wakefulness. I found it very distracting. I think next time (when there is slight wakefulness) I should just go for straight WILD attempt through the whole thing.

This dream was a bit of a failure but it was a valuable learning experience.

117 - Headlights - DILD

I find myself in my car, backing out of my driveway. I notice a car passing down the street behind me. As I wait for it I see the headlights pass in front of me. I think maybe it was a reflection of the glass at first but then I remember something. "I am dreaming!"

In an instant, the dream collapses and I find myself in a FA in my bed. I am not sure but I think I felt very mild vibrations. I stand up but the dream is unstable. The dream environment it swirling and dark. I look at my hands and rub them. All physical sensations are vivid but all I can see is my hands and blackness beyond. My vision is like I am drunk. I begin to feel rushed and a little frantic to get this dream going. (Looking back I realize that I need to start calming myself more and taking my time. I always forget my basics.)

I had intended to do the the basic TOTM but for some reason I have the Rome TOTY in mind. Being impatient I decide to try and change the scene again. I spin around in place for several rotations and extremely fast. I stop and relax myself. Almost against my will I stiffen like a board and fall over to my back like a cut tree.

As I float in the black void, I tell myself to wake up in a Roman Colosseum. I open my eyes but find myself in another FA. I try to get up out of bed but this time I slide horizontally to my right. The blankets stick to me like glue for a moment. I calmly will it away.

Now I am standing. I am frustrated and decided to just see what happens when I meditate in a lucid. I remember that since reading Robert Waggoner's book, I have wanted to try it. I close my eyes and calm myself. I do the traditional "OOOOOMMMMM." I begin to get very strange sensations. Like my body is breaking up and becoming wave energy. I take this as the dream breaking up and I think I am waking. I give up and lose concentration.

I find my non-lucid self standing in my bedroom doorway walking in. I see a strange, large, brown insect flying in front of me. I try to get closer to study it. At that point I remember something and instantly wake. I wait for DEILD but it is no use.

Pre-bed 5MG Melatonin
2 NLDs recorded pre-WBTB

4:00AM - Brief WBTB
50MG Caffeine
1 cycle SSILD. Set intentions with affirmation - "I know I am about to have a lucid dream."

116 - The Naked Chick At Work - DILD/DEILD

I am at a version of my work place. I am doing various boring things. I don't remember what it was. I am standing at some workstation working on something. I look up and see about 4 or 5 guys in a half circle. They are about 30 yards away near a large machine or some sort. Some are standing and some are sitting in office chairs. In the middle of them I see what appears to be a topless woman with her back to me. Now I really start to look. Not because I am turned but because I am shocked. They are all just talking to each other. No one seems to care that she is naked.

I notice C is sitting to my right. He has his back to the action. I say, "What the hell is going on over there?" C turns to look. About that time the woman stands up and bends over. She is fully naked and I can clearly see all her details. Including her butthole. C looks at me and says, "She's niiiice."

I am a little disgusted, "No not really. I mean kind of. But what the hell?". I think to go get management to stop it all. But when I look back and see she has now moved to another spot and is working. I can only see her top half where I am. She has a green knitted sweater on. Someone speaks to her and I can clearly see her face as she turns to answer. She is ugly with droopy eyes and overly full and saggy lips.

I look to the area were she was naked and see, M, the maintenance supervisor working on the machine and everyone else seems back to work. I just can't believe that no one made any commotion about a fully naked woman in the plant. I say, "Wait a minute. I have got to be dreaming."

I do a few nose plugs to make sure but they fail. I really think that I have to be dreaming. I walk a few paces into an open area and swipe at the ceiling. I land hard. I do this several times. I just focus on floating the next time but I still land hard. I do however notice that the landing don't feel exactly really and the ceiling is lower than it should be. I am so caught up in making the RC's pass that I forget any goals.

Finally, I notice that I am feeling funny. I can feel the vibrations. I relax and close my eyes and focus on that for a bit. It gets stronger. I feel myself in bed now. I try to stand up and I am almost ejected out of bed. I open my dream eyes and get a brief view of a bright sunny day. I see a tree. Then it fades to black and I am standing next to my bed in the dimly lit bedroom.

I rush to the front door. On the way. I think about the light I saw. I focus on there being light outside. In about a second I am outside. There is a street lamp to my left that is so bright it is blinding to look at. I go left and the momentum takes me almost into the street. I notice the light does not light up the area but only allows me to see where I am looking. I see I am near the tree in my front yard.

I stop and rub my hands for stability. The only goal I can think of is making fire or at least some sort of energy can from my hands. I look at them and focus on feeling energy build up in my right hand. I can see nothing but I feel something.

Without warning I wake up.


I attempt to DEILD but the caffeine has me. The time is 5:13AM.

The next time I take caffeine during the week I will shoot for 4:30AM and maybe I will wake at 5:45ish. My alarm is 6AM.

I noticed a few things. I think the next time I get into SP vibrations, I should try to picture a remote location. Maybe, instead of seeing my bedroom I will be where ever I wish. If that doesn't work then maybe when I open my front door I can use expectation like I sometimes do to create a light source. This might get me some where with the TOMYs. I'm excited to try it!

WBTB 3:30-4:30
Little over 100MG Caffeine
Trouble getting back to sleep
5MG Melatonin
WILD fail - SSILD
Interruptions

115 TOTY Fail - Roman Colosseum - DILD

I am in the living room watching TV and playing on a tablet. I couldn't go back to sleep after my WBTB to I just got up and went to the living room. I notice it is light outside and the girls wake up and come into the living room. I wonder how long I have been up since 3:30AM. I look at a clock. Even though it is day light outside it's only 3:35am.

I tell the girls it's too early and they should go back to bed. I walk into the bathroom and go pee. Am I am peeing I think how my WBTB was 3:30AM so it should be much later. I shrug it off and think maybe I was wrong. For some reason I start thinking about how I need to fish that tablet out of the tank of the toilet. Then, I forget about it and flush the toilet.

I notice I have 4 arms. Two are free but the others are trapped under my shirt and shorts. I can see my hands coming out of the bottom. I can feel my free arms like normal but the two that are trapped feel dead and not apart of me. For a brief moment I think maybe its my wife hugging me from behind and I get a little "happy". I quickly realize it is not her. I struggle a bit and then I realize that this is just too weird and I become lucid. I laugh at the arm situation but the fact that this is a dream seems impossible at first. All I can think is that I just peed and it all felt so real. I decide not to worry about what that might mean in the waking world. I forget about my arms.

I want out of the house. I turn around and see a full window. I notice this window should be in the girls room not the bathroom. I shrug it off and dive through the glass. The top half of me pushes through fine but I get stuck at the waist. I tell myself the glass is not there and push down from the outside with my hands. I grunt as my waist and legs slowly come free. I come outside and land on my hands. I quickly get up and notice how It seems like dawn or dust but is the light well enough to see fine. (Small victory for an easy exit and light!)

Now I am standing outside. This part of my yard and driveway look normal. I don't focus on it too much but the neighborhood looks about right too. I think how I want to do the Rome TOTY. I need to teleport so first, I try to rip a whole in the fabric of this reality. I reach up in front of myself and make a tearing motion with my hands. I try to imagine the scene ripping like paper and opening into a dark void. I thought I saw something for a second but it was like trying to imagine something while awake. Nothing would happen. I felt really stupid making hand motions in the air so I thought to try something else.

I tried to spin to see if the scene would change. Every thing blurred in motion and then went dark. I fell to my hands and knees. I was not happy but told myself not to worry. Just wait and try to imagine a Roman Colosseum. I waited sightless feeling the ground with my hands, straining to see something.

After a moment, I see I am back in my front yard. There is a large red truck with a camper shell parked on the street. I think of how I used a "vehicle" in the September TOTM to travel. I decide to make this work. I hurry around the side of the truck. I feel rushed as I have no idea how much time I have. I pull on the driver side handle. Unlocked, Yes!

I don't even look at the ignition because I worry that I won't see a key. I reach and expect to feel it there. It is. I start the truck. I focus on the street outside so that I keep focused and don't loose my vision again. I feel around the steering wheel for buttons. I push random ones like in Sept TOTM and say, "Roman Colosseum." I see the buttons light up but nothing happens. I push the gas and expect to see light blur and streak like a Star Trek warp but, to my disappointment, the engine just revs.

I say, "OK,We will do this Back-To-The-Future style." I throw the shifter into drive and punch the gas. I see the street in front of me begin to darken but I just focus on the speedometer. I don't see any numbers but I have and idea of where 88 MPH is. I repeat "Roman Colosseum" over and over as I accelerate. The engine is making a horrible noise like the truck has no muffler. I find it odd but ignore it. As I am waiting to reach speed as the dream fades to black and I wake up.

No Aids
WBTB brief. woke up 1 hour after alarm. 4:30 again. It was too late for 30 ming WBTB and I didn't want caffeine this time. So, I just went to bathroom and set my intent to becoming lucid. I barely did one round of SSILD before I fell asleep.

114 - Pooping in Public - DILD

I found myself taking a dump at work in the middle of the main hallway. The plant manager decides to call a stand up meeting right near me. The toilet is situated really close but I am partially hidden by the big yellow chemical cabinet. I hurry and finish my business. I wipe many times but never feel clean. I look at the TP and see the brown. No one seems to notice me. I feel really embarrassed but at that point I realize I am dreaming. I didn't take control because the situation was too awkward and I just felt really tired mentally. It was when I flushed that everyone looks right at me. They all "EWWWW" and groan in disgust. My co-worker F (Funny guy IRL) comes over and says, "Did you really just take a shit right here in front of everyone?"
Still lucid I just roll with it. Smile real big and say, "Yep I sure did." I point to the toilet and we both watch my nastiness swirl around. F laughs and I notice how runny and chunky and nasty it looks. I wake up soon after.

I had another mild DILD after this one. I woke briefly and tired SSILD again. I can't remember it right now.

I was really lazy recording in my bedside DJ. I didn't take Melatonin but I had zero recall before WBTB. Again I have just been really tired all week.

Bedtime about 10:30PM
pre-bed 5MG Melatonin
@ 4:30AM took 200MG Caffiene
SSILD

113 I Didn't Mean To Scare You - DILD?/DEILD? 5:30AM

For some reason I am digging in the cats' food dish. I see there are a bunch of caffeine pills in it. I carefully pick them out and start eating the pills. I have a hard time swallowing them dry. I decided to lay down and WILD.

Suddenly, I am laying in bed. When SP kicks in. At this time I don't realize that I was in a non-lucid dream and think that this has got to be the fastest WILD ever. I try to do my normal transition but my legs do not feel floaty at all. So I just stand up and open my eyes. The whole thing feels so real and I briefly think that I opened my real eyes. Its all so vivid I think its real and I lay down and try again. I quickly realize that it was not real as I had been feeling vibrations the entire time.

I don't want to try to escape my house so I try to imagine myself in a new location. I choose the beach. I imagine the water and the waves crashing in while standing bare foot in the sand. It all feels like I am just trying to imagine something while awake.

I keep getting uncomfortable as it feels like my wife is rolling against me. I keep trying to adjust and get irritated because she is breaking my concentration. At one point I feel myself roll to my right against my will. I begin to think none of this is really happening. I realize I am still feeling SP vibrations and I should probably just get out of bed and go with the dream.

Suddenly, my wife jumps up and goes into the dining room. I follow her thinking I am probably dreaming this. It is dark but there is light coming from the window. She stops at the table and I crash into the back of her. She screams bloody murder and runs back into the bedroom and slams the door. She seems really pissed off at me and I feel bad. It is all so incredibly realistic that I loose lucidity.

I follow after her to tell her that I was sorry and didn't mean to scare her. I am embarrassed and mean to tell her that I really thought I was dreaming. As I reach the door I wake up. I try to DEILD but I already know I took too much caffeine and I may as well just get up.

I have really got to find a more efficient use of my OBE time... Teleportation?