For some reason I am treated differently by girls after having had lucid dreams involving girls

[Yuusha]

I find this very fascinating, here is what has happened: the thing is, I am definitely not very comfortable around girls, I know I am considered "good-looking" and everything, but for some reason I have distanced myself more and more from them - probably because of some specific very bad experience in the past or whatever - and this has had the effect that they tend to not care about me that much either - and it kind of sucks, because I do want to have a girlfriend, but I tend to become uncomfortable around them very quickly, since I am not used to talking to them (I'm not exactly "shy", I'm just uncomfortable and tend to run out of things to say etc). So in order to get around this, I figured that lucid dreams would be an excellent way to "rekindle" this - so I had some random lucid dream adventures where I spent time with cute girls, talked to them, chose one of them and was like "yup, you will be my girlfriend", and randomly kissed her and cuddled with her just because I could and so on, and I even asked them for advice on how to act around "them" in waking life - and it felt very good, it really did. But one strange thing that I have noticed lately is that girls seem very responsive to me nowadays, almost as if my dreams have somehow affected the girls I meet in waking life - they check me out a lot more, and seem very delighted when I speak to them. I find this very strange, because it really did start to happen right after I had experienced a few of these lucid dreams about them. What's going on here? Why did they change so much just because I experienced these wonderful insightful dreams about them? It's almost a little bit creepy, but cool at the same time.

[lunagoddess]

You probably gained confidence from those dreams. If you feel more comfortable and sure of yourself people will pick up on that. It's so much more attractive when a guy is confident..

[JadeGreen]

Yeah. Girls are good at reading body language and chances are you are more confident on both a conscious a subconscious level and they can see that.

[Yuusha]

Thank you. Yes, I believe you are right. Before I had these dreams I would often feel uptight and not very relaxed in general - in fact, whenever I stopped right after walking, I would often feel drained of energy somehow - not really "tired", but more like my body felt unpleasant right at the moment when I stopped moving. And I would guess girls would notice that kind of body language as well, even though I tried to hide it. But yes, it certainly feels better nowadays, and I have become more bold about flirting myself as well. If I see some hot girl I will simply look softly and curiously into her eyes and possibly smile a bit, since I have practiced that in lucid dreams, and it is often appreciated. I also feel that my body is much more relaxed and I feel a greater self-respect, and I guess all these things are major turn-ons for most girls. I guess you can kind of count this as "healing dreams", huh?

[eol]

Hi Yuusha I've just stumbled upon your post and found it interesting. You wrote this: I'm just uncomfortable and tend to run out of things to say Did you find that in your LDs you would sometimes run out of things to say too? Were you having conversations like would happen in waking life, or was it different?

[Yuusha]

Hi Yuusha I've just stumbled upon your post and found it interesting. You wrote this: Did you find that in your LDs you would sometimes run out of things to say too? Were you having conversations like would happen in waking life, or was it different? Well, I was definitely more outgoing, since I knew that everything took place in a dream and that I didn't need to worry about embarrassing myself in any way. It was still a little bit scary, since the situation felt so much as if it were waking life, but since I knew it was a dream I could much more easily just say something random about whatever to keep the conversation going (hell, if I couldn't think of anything at all I would just be like "you know, you are really hot", lol). And I think this has taught me a lot about being more spontaneous, and that it doesn't matter THAT much what I say as long as I say something, and try to enjoy the moment. I am sure this is worth thinking about in waking life conversations as well.

[ageofthunder]

Huh, I never thought of doing that! I should try this... you might've just helped another brotha out by sharing this!

[DragonLucid]

I find this very fascinating, here is what has happened: the thing is, I am definitely not very comfortable around girls, I know I am considered "good-looking" and everything, but for some reason I have distanced myself more and more from them - probably because of some specific very bad experience in the past or whatever - and this has had the effect that they tend to not care about me that much either - and it kind of sucks, because I do want to have a girlfriend, but I tend to become uncomfortable around them very quickly, since I am not used to talking to them (I'm not exactly "shy", I'm just uncomfortable and tend to run out of things to say etc). So in order to get around this, I figured that lucid dreams would be an excellent way to "rekindle" this - so I had some random lucid dream adventures where I spent time with cute girls, talked to them, chose one of them and was like "yup, you will be my girlfriend", and randomly kissed her and cuddled with her just because I could and so on, and I even asked them for advice on how to act around "them" in waking life - and it felt very good, it really did. But one strange thing that I have noticed lately is that girls seem very responsive to me nowadays, almost as if my dreams have somehow affected the girls I meet in waking life - they check me out a lot more, and seem very delighted when I speak to them. I find this very strange, because it really did start to happen right after I had experienced a few of these lucid dreams about them. What's going on here? Why did they change so much just because I experienced these wonderful insightful dreams about them? It's almost a little bit creepy, but cool at the same time. I'm gonna put a theory up that some may know about, some may agree with, some may find interesting, some may be on the fence, some dislike, some never heard of it and some flat out disagree. But I personally believe it to be the use of the universal laws (common one that people may have heard of is "The Law of Attraction" [one of the 12 universal laws]. It is ironic in this sense i picked that law. lol). Basic gist, what you manifest within, happens without. You basically believe it to your very core and it happens and manifests in reality. I believe by having these dreams, you're convincing your inner self that this is happening, so that when you go in public, you're actually manifesting this to happen. Also, i agree with the confidence and body language comments. But i also believe in the more spiritual answer i provided too just my belief system. congrats bro! always nice to be a hit with the ladies

[Yuusha]

I'm gonna put a theory up that some may know about, some may agree with, some may find interesting, some may be on the fence, some dislike, some never heard of it and some flat out disagree. But I personally believe it to be the use of the universal laws (common one that people may have heard of is "The Law of Attraction" [one of the 12 universal laws]. It is ironic in this sense i picked that law. lol). Basic gist, what you manifest within, happens without. You basically believe it to your very core and it happens and manifests in reality. I believe by having these dreams, you're convincing your inner self that this is happening, so that when you go in public, you're actually manifesting this to happen. Also, i agree with the confidence and body language comments. But i also believe in the more spiritual answer i provided too just my belief system. congrats bro! always nice to be a hit with the ladies Yeah. I would guess that if you feel tense and "helpless" around girls in any way then it will probably be very noticeable and have a negative effect on the impression you make, even if you try to hide that tense body language as much as you can. I guess these dreams made me feel more relaxed and loosen up and take it easier (since I was pretty much like "well I can enjoy this in my next lucid dream if I want to, lol" ), so that probably meant a lot and freed me from the whole "I would like to have a girlfriend, but I feel too uncomfortable about approaching them" kind of deal - because my encounters with girls in my lucid dreams felt so real that they had the same impact on me as it would have had in waking life. I do have to say that it is extremely comforting to know that lucid dreams are always available for you if you want to live out your fantasies, at least if you are willing to invest time on them.

[Dthoughts]

I agree with everything that DragonLucid said. I would just add in the simple fact that you actually started talkign to girls. And since you haven't really tried talking to girls for a long time you simply didn't realize that girls actually like you if you talk to them. ^_^

[acatalephobic]

Dream practice can be a great tool, especially when it comes to things we might otherwise shy away from for various reasons. The dream is of our own creation, and therefore there is no pressure to perform a certain way unless self-enforced...and no one there to tease you if you (like me) end up doing something embarassing. Unless you (like me) share it with others just for funsies. When it comes to trying new things in dreams, we feel safe and therefore more willing to express ourselves. Suddenly most things seem much easier to approach. Our subconscious is a real go-getter in that way. The lesson (I think) is most beneficially applied though to experiencing new things in our waking lives. If anxieties/fears can be shrunken or even eliminated in dreams, why not in the day-to-day? If nothing else, dreams are a good way to shrug all that nonsense off for a while.

[Yuusha]

Yes, there was one thing I was kinda wondering about a while ago, though: how do you think people in general would react to my rapid changes? I mean, these handful of lucid dreams I have had recently have luckily been fairly long (realistically, I would say they have probably been about 20-30 minutes, which feels like a very long time in lucid dreams), and this has given me opportunities to confront my social fears in completely unique ways; and I won't deny that after spending a long time feeling popular and completely respected in a lucid dream - especially by female dream characters - it certainly makes me feel great and more confident that day, and it is also very comforting how I will always be able to have another lucid dream in the future, if I ever want to live out other desires. This has made me feel more and more comfortable around girls and around people in general, like a snowball effect, and I have noticed that several of my classmates often look at me with great surprise, like a fascinated "wtf?" kind of expression - and some of them seem unable to even handle the situation, and seem slightly intimidated. But I am not "overacting" or anything, I just happen to naturally be this different, and sure, several of them seem to be relieved and more encouraged to talk to me themselves etc, but a few of them also seem to be almost in a slight shock - or, well, maybe not that extreme, but I think you know what I mean. And since lucid dreaming is so unknown, I would assume that most of them are unable to comprehend the effects lucid dreams can have on your personal development, and are trying to figure how I was able to change so much "in waking life". So, what do you think about this?

[Darkmatters]

^ Don't worry about it. Worrying about what other people think of you is social awkwardness and a lack of confidence. If you feel confident, show it proudly! Take advantage of it, otherwise if you start to over think it and let yourself become un-confident again then what good did it do? But it's also important that you actually be confident rather than arrogant or aggressive. If people seem intimidated you might be getting carried away. But surely you've seen some geeky kid suddenly show up one day with a whole new attitude and everybody thinks it's awesome, right? That's what you're doing. Just realize that it won't always be like that - attitude has its ups and downs just like everything organic. You'll still have days when your energy is down and you can't feel confident. But on those days don't try to fake it - if you don't feel it then faking it will be obvious and you'll come off as a jerk. I use those down days to observe the group behavior and see who's confident and outgoing that day and who isn't, and watch how that affects group dynamics. It's funny on those days when you're really up and somebody who usually dominates is down.

[VagalTone]

That´s an interesting account of the healing power of lucid dreams. I can imagine how it can reach far far beyond, but that´s a very good start. Congratulations!

[Dthoughts]

I feel so incredibly confident right now. I am a very shy and nervous person. Around evryone. Even my parents and my dogs. But right now i feel like i can nearly take on the world. I'm not sure what it is. I am doing deep breathing at the moment. And I have this intense feeling in my chest area. It used to be the source of a kind of internal pain but right now it still is painful but it is bordering on excstatic. ... I know not really related to OP but I really kind of liked this thread and I felt like sharing so what the H! It is kinda of relevant because this feeling in my chest may be related to something amazing but horrible that I have seen while may be very deep into secret psychedelic spaces. I'm sure this crowd is okay with adding this sort of thing into the discussion. I always thought it was a source of shortcoming but potentially a source of healing if treated right. So i may report back in this thread. Maybe only to post updates about how I feel tomorrow to see how long this persists. Just for the sake of sharing with my DV friends.

[OneUp]

Definitely have to agree with DarkMatters here, overthinking and simply worrying is a big problem for many dudes these days. When you let go of that and just wing all of your conversations with girls, it flows smoothly. I used to be just like you Yuusha, then one day I stopped and thought about why I was the way I was. Back in 8th grade I would get so nervous just talking to girls. I was afraid of not being good enough and all of that other jazz. When you learn to be happy with yourself and who you are, you really do open up the door to countless opportunities, especially in your social life. Ever since freshman year in highschool I became way more outgoing. Now I talk to girls as though its nothing at all. As for conversations, never overthink it. When you do that you basically put all of your focus onto what you want to say and then if that goes wrong your out. When you wing it, and dont even think about it, everything goes easy. I remember the first time I really tried improving in that area of "talking to girls". One day at the beginning of freshman year I accidentally bumped into a random girl in the hallway. She dropped some of her books, so I helped her pick them up. She was beautiful, so as I was giving her her books back I complimented her, "Hey you're really pretty". Of course it wasn't those exact words though, I can't remember what I said to the letter, but she said thanks and from then on we started talking alot. Everyday I'd see her and when she saw me I always made her smile. A good first impression is a charm with girls I feel. Show that your confident and that you know what your doing and it really does give off a good vibe in general. If I had one piece of advice for you man, be awkward. I love using the awkward approach when I talk to a girl that I don't know for the first time because it always makes them laugh, and gives off the impression that your a really fun and chill guy to be around with. Humor is an amazing characteristic to have.

[Yuusha]

I'm not really "thinking too much" about it in a detrimental way, I just found some people's reactions quite interesting and felt like hearing your opinions on that. It doesn't actually bother me that much, though. This also kind of proves to myself how important it is to feel confident and comfortable with yourself. According to other people I am "truly good-looking" and I can sort of see that myself, but I still used to not feel that noticed by girls - or, well, sure, they might give me curious glances and shy smiles in the beginning sometimes, but otherwise there really wasn't much happening at all, and I would often even feel almost invisible. But I guess I can blame that on the fact that I would very easily feel stiff and slightly uncomfortable, and that I would often look grave, and of course the fact that I almost never went to any parties - and this probably means a whole lot more in my country, since I am from Sweden and people tend to mostly flirt and approach other people at parties or other social gatherings. So I guess I gave myself several disavantages, both in that I was uncomfortable with myself and also tended to shy away from social situations a lot; I guess if I pretty much only go to seminars, then go shopping, and then go back home I cannot count on being particularly approached or noticed, at least not if my body language is stiff or very reserved in some way.

[tofur]

You changed in response to the experiences you had while dreaming, which then changed how women in real life respond to you. We all have a "vibe" and were all unconsciously reading one another. Your dream experiences changed your vibe.

[OneUp]

Definitely go to those parties, they are one extremely easy way to get a girls number that same night. But of course you can do that without parties, its just that some dudes may find it easier with social events like that.

[Yuusha]

Definitely go to those parties, they are one extremely easy way to get a girls number that same night. But of course you can do that without parties, its just that some dudes may find it easier with social events like that. Yeah I guess so, especially in Sweden. Of course, it does happen that people flirt with each other at school etc as well, but I don't think it's nearly as obvious and to-the-point as in some other countries - possibly glances from afar and some rare blunt approaches, and then the rest tends to happen among people who are already familiar with each other to some degree. I am happy just feeling that I have this under much more control nowadays than I did a couple weeks ago (and that my self-confidence around girls has increased quite a lot), although I will certainly eventually start going to parties as well. It's amazing how powerful effects lucid dreams can have on your whole personality.

[OneUp]

Yeah I guess so, especially in Sweden. Of course, it does happen that people flirt with each other at school etc as well, but I don't think it's nearly as obvious and to-the-point as in some other countries - possibly glances from afar and some rare blunt approaches, and then the rest tends to happen among people who are already familiar with each other to some degree. I am happy just feeling that I have this under much more control nowadays than I did a couple weeks ago (and that my self-confidence around girls has increased quite a lot), although I will certainly eventually start going to parties as well. It's amazing how powerful effects lucid dreams can have on your whole personality. Haha yeah. I don't know how often you guys have parties in Sweden, but here (USA) theres like 4 or 5 every weekend on the same night, but of course I can never make it to all of them. I am really glad for you Yuusha, and from here on you can bet that things will only get better in the area of "girls" in general. And also in my highschool, I'd say it sounds exactly like what you're describing in Sweden. Now I really want to go to Sweden just to see what the parties are like lol. Not sure if I said this earlier, but dude, it is phenomenal what confidence can do around women. I remember freshman year I had a friend. He was really short, really skinny, and had a sunken in face(just really bony). I'm not making fun of him though, just trying to give an idea of how this whole confidence thing works. Anyways, every time we went to a party together my friend would go up to the dimes(Perfect 10's, basically the most attractive in a sense) and he would just pay them a few compliments like, "Wow you have beautiful eyes" or "You look beautiful tonight" and he'd end up bringing these girls home later. Considering the fact that this was freshman year in highschool, I'm not going to lie, I was stunned. I picked up the same way of picking up girls as he did and it worked. Of course though now I tend to go for more longer relationships such as a real girlfriend so I don't do that as much anymore. My point is though, with confidence and simply making a girl feel good about herself you can do way more than most think, even if your the ugliest guy in the club(my friend, once again no offense to him though). On the other hand you will always have those girls that are completely snotty and are all for looks, they'll always be there. However the story I told above really does work for alot of girls. But as they say, no girl is alike, they are all different. Once you get your foot in the door thats when really finding them out comes into play.

[HoldOrFold]

It is kinda of relevant because this feeling in my chest may be related to something amazing but horrible that I have seen while may be very deep into secret psychedelic spaces. I'm sure this crowd is okay with adding this sort of thing into the discussion. Would be intrigued to hear more....

[Avian]

I noticed that the more comfortable with yourself you are, the more people like you. Unfortunately this isn't quite so true in elementary school and I learned to not be myself around 5th grade. I am just starting to crack that shell and I'm noticing great results. Like these people came into this class and I just walked up and started talking to them and I just realized, "woah I'm just randomly striking up conversation.. I don't really do that". Also people respond really well when I am just at ease with myself. If I am not comfortable around someone and I try to be friends with them it doesn't work out, even if I am trying extra hard to be friendly.

[tofur]

I noticed that the more comfortable with yourself you are, the more people like you. Unfortunately this isn't quite so true in elementary school and I learned to not be myself around 5th grade. I am just starting to crack that shell and I'm noticing great results. Like these people came into this class and I just walked up and started talking to them and I just realized, "woah I'm just randomly striking up conversation.. I don't really do that". Also people respond really well when I am just at ease with myself. If I am not comfortable around someone and I try to be friends with them it doesn't work out, even if I am trying extra hard to be friendly. yeah I don't even bother attempting to talk to someone if I'm not feeling comfortable, particularly women. It's not a good vibe, you need to be confident in yourself and in the fact that the other person will accept you.

[OneUp]

I noticed that the more comfortable with yourself you are, the more people like you. Unfortunately this isn't quite so true in elementary school and I learned to not be myself around 5th grade. I am just starting to crack that shell and I'm noticing great results. Like these people came into this class and I just walked up and started talking to them and I just realized, "woah I'm just randomly striking up conversation.. I don't really do that". Also people respond really well when I am just at ease with myself. If I am not comfortable around someone and I try to be friends with them it doesn't work out, even if I am trying extra hard to be friendly. Exactly man, just winging it and not worrying is one of the best ways to meet people in my opinion. When you start thinking about it, you over think the situation and that screws everything up. This may not be the best advice for anything else besides the area of socializing and talking to girls but: "Just wing it".