Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Singularity125

Link: I meant to actually respond to you last night, instead of getting distracted with my own rant! Um... sorry if this comes across as rude, but I can't tell if you actually enjoy the stuff you're studying right now or not. And if not... why do you study it? For a lucrative job later? Doesn't seem worth it to me, IMO. I never saw the point in digging yourself deep into debt, only to dig yourself out of debt with a job you hate. If I got the wrong impression, well... I apologize. But you seem to grumble about it a lot. If nothing else, you stress too much about it! You should do fine.

Don't worry about feeling sorry or anything, it's just natural for you to ponder on my somewhat skewed perspective on college/university. I know it's even petty for me to be bothered by things like that when there's other things I should be fearful in the future (actually getting a job, sustaining an income, etc.)

Right now, I'm just taking advantage of the free money I'm getting for college because I signed up for a company that deals with getting the most free money possible from FAFSA and all that. I do have a few loans, but I'm not really paying attention to them right now.

I know I should be concerned about that, but right now, I already know I'm incapable of even bothering to be concerned about those loans because I'm just worried on doing well academically. I find that I can't really find the die-hard mentality I had in High School that would try to finish shit and ace exams (excluding math, because that's my weakness lol).

It just irritates me that when I receive feedback from certain people (not you, I mean people I interact with in real life) that college isn't so hard, and college is hard, and blahblabablhblabhjlahbfkjsdhtl;fw82te a8c4v5b2tef, I find myself slacking off on purpose because there are some assignments that I can do well easily (like making a summary paper for my Biochemistry Seminar, all I have to do is spit out a few fancy words and the pretentious "OH THIS SEMINAR HELPED ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WITH MY ENTHUSIASTIC ENDEAVOR AS A POTENTIAL BIOCHEMIST!! I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE JOURNEY THAT HAS BEEN LAID OUT FOR ME!!"

It's because I already developed certain skills from taking AP and Pre-AP classes in High School and having a High GPA (it was still high even though I moved to different schools because some had to distribute students to another new school to deal with the school population size and all that fun stuff).

I also found myself being able to procrastinate a shit load because I already knew the loopholes in High School. All I basically did to study for quizzes and exams was going on Quizlet.com or Studystack.com and make practice exams it and just go over it a few times and do good the next day.

I also found myself NOT remembering to study for certain quizzes (not exams, because I always kept track of those, except for Pre-Calculus lol, because for the class, I said to myself, since it was my Senior Year "FUCK THIS SHIT! IF I'M NOT GOING TO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL, THEN I DON'T NEED TO FUCKING TRY HARD, I ALREADY HAVE A HIGH GPA, SO THERE'S NO USE IN ME WHINING ANYMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL."

I was just done with High School the time I was a Senior and when I sent my applications to the top schools in Texas (excluding Rice, because apparently it was "hard"? to get in? in my mind I was thinking "LMAO IF I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO TO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL, RICE UNIVERSITY IS JUST S*** COMPARED TO THE STANDARDS I HAVE...IT WASN'T EVEN IVY LEAGUE")

I know I was in the top 3% (basically being around at least near the top 20 people ranking, the highest I remember was me being 17th overall out of 600-700 people at the time when I was a junior) (possibly higher because in the last high school I was in there were a lot of seniors, so the percentages might've shifted me to the top 2.5% or just the same 3%), but I still bitched and bitched and bitchtihcihbihtichjghdfvubfvigfbgkdnbjfgbnk because I always wanted more and more and more and more and more more.

I was the type of person that would be occasionally calculate his GPA hardcore, and think of the the possible outcomes of what ranking I'll be when I get this GPA by knowing the GPAs of the other top ranked people above me.

And because I was in AP classes and Pre-AP classes, I was with those people near the same rankings as me and even higher, and I found that they were a bunch of lazy assholes (no wonder, because like me, they found how to work half-assed and still do well, but they did it better than me because my senior year in high school, I mostly took things in a "DERP DERP DERP LET ME ADD EXQUISITE SYNTAX TO THIS 9 PAGE ESSAY or SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM MY MIND WITH VOCABULARLY FOR THE TEST OR QUIZ COMING UP" Bam 98 on the essay and mostly A's on exams (I even took a Human Geography course where I thought I was going to get a B, but I STILL got an A, and I wondered how the fuck did I get an A????

Then I realized the teacher was generous and boosted my grade up to an A; meaning I probably would've had an 88 or 89 if I didn't get a 98+ on the practice AP exam he considered as a final), and that's doing it at the last minute while hearing people try about how they got and 80

I just was indulging in that "I WANT TO BE IN THE TOP TEN" even though I'm clearly booked in for college with my current ranking (and the ranking shifted up a little to where I was ranked 16th out of 600-700 people in one school, and then finding myself my first semester as a 18th overall)

After realizing that, I knew I couldn't get into the top ten people, so I was like FUCKKK THIS MAN, I'm TIRED OF THIS CHILDISH S***! I'm already doing fucking well enough in high school already.

Do you see how obsessed I was with my grades in High School? I figured that if I had to move to a few schools, and not being able to make friends there, I might as well ignore these fake pricks and just focus on doing extremely well in the most half-assed manner that I could do.

My wording is a little bit off, I'm still in that state of recalling this dream I had just now of a girl in a white dress, but yeah, Grades were the only thing I could be so amazed about and indulging myself into it helped me masked the fact that I didn't make that many friends in High School because I always ended up putting on on the "New Kid" facade constantly, when all I wanted was just High School to be done and over with

I didn't go to PROM, I didn't go to any HOMECOMINGS, or whatever bullshit memory containers of High School they tried to entice you in spending unnecessary sums of money on.

And the people I hanged around with? I just knew that they just wanted to tell me "DUDE JUST GET FUCKING LAID ALREADY MAN" and I told them, "NOOOOOOO, STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THAT" in the most passive non-violent manner I could give to these amphibian pieces of shit (and they were top ranked people too, hell I was friends with the salutorian one time in the High school, and sat across from him in lunch with the other nerds

I already knew I could've shifted towards that social bug, but I just couldn't, it was too fucking easy, people are so EASY to manipulate, especially when they barely have any logical grasp on the future!

I purposefully made myself think I'm socially inept, just for the hell of it! Because it helped me become distracted from being a sociable person, because I know that when I talked to someone, if I found the right words, I could've been their friend just like that.

But I purposefully made myself socially incompetent, awkward, and shy towards people because as I focused more and more on my grades, the more and more of an incompetent I become with sociability and compatibility with others.

Now that I'm in college, I'm thinking....


WTF IS THIS SHIT?!?!!??!?!?!

I could be partying it up, banging chicks, augmenting the alpha male status that still seems to be a petty and childish ambition to some ugly ass pricks here in college (sorry, I'm being conceited because the beautiful women in this University have to settle of less; but I know I'm not really that special either).

I know I can have fun with people, I know I can try to "Hit It and Quit It" with some hot chick with an amazing body.

I know I can have fun and still do well in college, but because of being "socially inept" in High School, I can't really find the traits in me, not even the confidence in myself to meet these people.

So despite doing well in High School, and yet still bitching on my already high ranking that I should've been grateful of, because honestly, I literally just chilled in High School, did what I had to do, and bam high ranking for college!

Of course, I wasn't the type to do well on the SAT or ACT exams, but I realized that going for Computer Science is a default major, and I didn't have the SAT/ACT score for it, it didn't really matter because I already had the vision that it's going to be hard getting a job anyway, no matter what I major I picked in High School

That's the thing about me, I already know the assumed future, the basics, the fundamentals, the rudimentary path, whatever you want to call it, and I just did what I needed to do get into a college with ease

Now the reason why I tend to bitchbitchbitchtbitchjcghajdfghdjfhdjhjhjgdhfjg about college, and why I can't get a girlfriend and all that bullshit is because again, focusing on grades were the only thing that mattered to me, and that mentality shifted to college.

And because money is involved, I have to be concerned about this, because I don't want to actually PAY 90% of my tuition on personal funding when I can just use the government just like everyone else, (This university gives a lot of financial aid because it's one of the top Universities in Texas, just slightly shifting on and off from UT (which I know one person in this forum is a part of I believe).

But yeah, it was a lot, because I just let my mind go crazy that time. But hopefully this is enough for you to understand what I'm a bit crazy and act like a raging emo at times.

It's not my fault really, I just wanted to get what was needed to succeed, even if it drained my sociable nature towards people. I find myself not really trying to develop it as much in college because this major I picked, I picked it because I wanted something to be hard.

I didn't want to go for a Biology Major, Chemistry Major, Biomedical Major, etc (those are generic majors, and I'm sorry if that offends anyone taking these majors).

Biochemistry, it is so weird, even though in Texas, the most sensible path with this degree is become part of the oil tycoons, in my mind, I feel that I can find some ideal career with it because I can work around with its flexibility in going to other areas of Science.

And the fact that in Medical, Graduate, or even Vet School, if they see a person with a Biochemistry Degree, they'll think "HEEEEEY BUDDY HOW ARE YOU DOING?!?!" rather than having a Biology or a Generic major and them thinking "eeeeeeeh we have people just like you taking your major"

I picked Biochemistry because of it's difficulty, I picked it because it was generic, I picked it because I like being challenged, I picked it because I love being pressured, it helps get better at an exponential rate.

I'm just still getting used to that fact, so I may have some residue of feelings of not being able to work hard enough, and not finding a tangible purpose in my life.

All I'm doing right now, is just getting used to College's Siren lady type of lifestyle.

It entices you to slack off because you aren't being told to finish something on time, and then when you take advantage of that, and take the exams, you're like "WTFFFFFFFFFFFF"

So that's why I bitch and and moan and bitch and moan about college. I want to try hard, but I'm like "fuckk this shit man, this isn't hard!"

But in reality, I know I'm used to drilling shit in my head long enough to do well in the exam, but I just don't feel like it right now my Freshmen Year.

And I end up panicking a lot because my father still wants to see my grades for college (of course he should be concerned, because money is involved, even though he doesn't have to contribute a lot because again, I'm getting over 90% of my tuition covered, and I even get funding back to pay for things like rent, utilities, basic stuff like that).

It's not just him wanting me to have good grades in college (because I already know he has an ignorant view on college, and occasionally giving small lectures on how if I don't do well in college, you know what's going to happen...YES I FUCKING KNOW YOU FUCKING CUNT, I'M NOT A FUCKING DIPSHIT.)

(You see how I hate my father? He tries to make up for the little interaction I had with him in High School, because I just spent my time late at night, even not sleeping for a whole day one time, just to do well in High School).

I tried so hard in High School when I didn't need to. I was already smart to do it without stressing myself, but it's just that I wanted high standards for myself, and it's not because of my father, I just loved doing things well.

And now that I'm in college, I find myself in a sadomasochistic endeavor of not studying and being surprised that the little effort I'm giving to it is giving me stale results because the over-exerting I gave myself in High School that was not needed is coming back to bite me in my ass.

And no, I'm not using that as an excuse, because there is NOTHING else that I could've done in High school other than to work work work. If I couldn't socialize with people in High School, I thought I might as well just work work work instead of bitching about being friends with ugly pricks who are just....just...just fucking...I just want to fucking....yeah, I don't know anymore

I ran out of rage just now, but yeah, I hope you understand what I mean.

I don't really need help because it's just parts of me trying come back to me, along with that side that becomes depressed and whines when I'm not doing well, but I'm sure I'll find the answers myself.

Anyway, I better type up my DJ entry before I forget it (well I won't forget it because it was still on my mind, my mind can go in different paths and still keep a conscious check on other things, so meh).

Take care.

Last night was one of the most frustrating nights ever. We had to watch my nephew all afternoon, he fell asleep at like 9. I was like, okay. The plan was to just have him here until my sister got home from work, around midnight. I called her she said she'd be a while. My nephew was asleep on the couch, my brother and mom went upstairs (we live in a townhouse which only has 2 rooms, my mom and mine. My brother visits twice a week or something and sleeps in my room which bothers the fuck out of me and gives me anxiety and I'm so OCD because he messes it all up.) Which I usually sleep in the hall or something, in my own fucking house which is absurd. Anyway, so I decided to just stay downstairs until my sister picked up nephew. It was really hot, at like midnight, my mom and brother are sleeping upstairs, comfortably. I am laying downstairs sticking to the couch, not being able to get asleep. It was so uncomfortable. I would sorta of doze off, and then I started to wake up with a horrible headache. It was extremely painful, and this went on for hours, waking up every 30 minutes. I had very stressful dreams where my mom was dying and blood was everywhere and I would always wake up crying because all my dreams were sad, and I'd be crying in the dream. Then finally at 2am, my sister got here. She decided to stay the night, idk why. She went upstairs and slept who knows where. Leaving me downstairs with my nephew., her son. Mind you, they live in the same neighborhood, like 2 seconds away, literally. And I was like in a daze. At 5am, i found myself awake for like an hour and my brother was getting up to go to the gym. So I escaped to my room, and laid there for an hour, not being able to sleep, still with a headache. I was having a panic attack too, i couldn't breathe. Then my nephew kept bothering me about the tv and kept opening the door. He woke my sister up and she was pissed cause she had like 2 hours of sleep too, then she came in and was trying to make me to go downstairs and humor him, i was like hell no. I ended up locking my door and she got so mad and ended up going to her house finally. It's 7 am or something now. After some more time, my mom ended up getting up, i'm still awake. Not being able to sleep, my room is really hot. So I went into my moms room while she was downstairs and fell asleep in there for like 3 hours; it was a lot colder in there so it felt good. I continued having really stressful dreams though. Anyway, My nephew is back over today and we have to watch him more >_____> My sister is probably really pissed at me for locking her out....xD Oh well. Ugh anyway, it was all just super stressful and horrible, it all seems like a distant memory xD

It amazes me how I go on Facebook and find some people I know sleep for a long time and had crazy dreams. It sucks that these people do not know about lucid dreaming, or the fact that they can compel their mind to shift towards remembering their dreams.

They always categorize their experiences as weird, strange, or just random, and they'll just forget it and live on living a bland life, not knowing the joy that remembering your dreams can give you. It really sucks, because I know that if I try to tell them about lucid dreaming, I just know they'll pretend they're interested and say, "Okay! That sounds cool! " and probably think that I'm crazy about mentioning lucid dreaming because they'll probably think their religion or set of beliefs might interfere with it.

I mean, you have every right to not decide to know about inducing lucid dreaming, but really, I just can't understand how these people just want to live boring lives. Recalling dreams is basically a daily part of what I do now, and it's just natural, and it helps with memory in other things than dreaming. I find myself remembering a lot of dreams despite those few seconds of remembering the events because I can branch off and feel the emotions from the dreams, and with my observations of others in waking life, it augments the recall a bit.

But I guess it's their life, if they want to live a life without knowing that those dreams could have meanings to what they're experiencing in life, I guess they'll just keep living in that passive state until they're dead.

I know I find some of my dreams to be random, weird, etc., but I at least try to remember them and keep track of them anyway because it's entertaining nonetheless.

This is why I find few people I can relate to, I guess I'm the adventurous type that like to be in the abstract form of thinking, and it sucks that it's hard breaking down a few mental barriers from other people to see if they are the same. Everyone is just so.........protective, barely anyone can trust someone with their dreams, even if they are good friends because as soon as one of them makes a big deal out of it, they try to avoid it because in their minds, without prior knowledge of looking up on it, they think dreams are just random.

It really makes me sad that people do not realize how much their life can improve if they spend the time remembering their dreams. And it's not just for the sake of remembering, it helps them develop and actually expand their minds with things like syntax, feelings, logic, etc.

But again, it's probably that they aren't up to that type of lifestyle because they're more worried about doing things that are memorable for their mortal life. It seems that I find very very very FEW people that really want to touch on really deep and often mind-picking possibilities with life and other lives, or just talking about the dreaming/astral plane without them thinking that we're crazy or something.

I guess they'll just trap themselves in the ideology of living with society's standards, I can't blame them, it's always tempting to take the easy way out and just live a somewhat decent mortal life.

I jus spent an hour doing math homework only to find out that I did the WRONG SHEET. I noticed on the last question. I already did this last week. Now I have to go back and do the right one...

Erii, that sounds so stressful! I have had crazy nights like that before. Not pleasant. Just text me if you have a night like that again. I don't care what time it is, i'll text you back xD. If I dont respond just call me a bunch of times until I wake up.

Taffy, ughh! I have done that like five times before! I HATE it.

I know what you mean, Link, in your second rant. I was the only one in my family that gave a hoot about dreams. They always claimed they didn't dream and by the age of 13 or so I studied so much about the subject I knew they were full of crap... or were they.
My mom had another sleep study done. The doctor claimed my mother does NOT dream at all. How does a person NOT dream?! It seems to go against everything I've learned- that it's physically and psychologically impossible.

My rant is that despite the Caffine and Green Tea with Hoodia that I took this morning, the 1/2 a hydro I took is making me incredibly sleepy. I also didn't sleep well last night. It was cold again this morning so I kept waking to the puppy sleeping on my head and Cocoa trying to get under the covers with me. No, dog. You have fleas. Allow me, please, the flimsy force field of my sheet. But she ended up winning lol
I've only found a couple fleas so far (and on the puppy) but I already fear this is going to be a horrible year for them because we had such a warm winter...

Hey to all of my favorite DV members (you're all in this thread lol), sorry I haven't been posting in here in a couple days. If you didn't notice, then nevermind. If you noticed, it's because I didn't realize that DGs have ALOT of homework. Some of it is stuff I pretty much already did, like welcome new members, and cradle the occasional lost newbie, post on topic etc. But there's gobs more, more than when I was a DG before. So I've been doing a bunch of research on the site. I'm actually learning stuff! Point is, I'm still here, even if I'm not posting on-topic as much. I'm also in chat pretty much every night.

Sooo, I'm gonna read back a few pages. Last time I was here, Aly was self-bashing and Zhaylin was going to dance with a tree, I think Miss y'all and ocne I get my footing with this DG thing, I'll come back and play in here some more with y'all <3

I noticed a lack of you in IRC as well!

Originally Posted by OldSparta

I noticed a lack of you in IRC as well!

well we shall fix that then!


boom! fixed

Ophelia! I wondered where you were. :3

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I know what you mean, Link, in your second rant. I was the only one in my family that gave a hoot about dreams. They always claimed they didn't dream and by the age of 13 or so I studied so much about the subject I knew they were full of crap... or were they.
My mom had another sleep study done. The doctor claimed my mother does NOT dream at all. How does a person NOT dream?! It seems to go against everything I've learned- that it's physically and psychologically impossible.

Does she take any kinds of medication that might suppress dreams?

I think I interrupted my budgies while they were being intimate, because now they won't face my direction. >_<

ugh, I feel like half a person with half long hair...

I've missed you, Ophelia

Not that I know of, Aly. But she has sleep apnea and RLS pretty bad.

I am now ranting because my computer keeps lagging and freezing and the flash player is crashing a lot again. I don't know what I did about it a few months ago when it was acting up.
I just worry that I have a virus, even though my scans keep coming back clean.

Originally Posted by Singularity125

I feel exactly the same way, Tommo! That's why I eventually want to start my own business, making videogames. And hey, business actually gets BETTER during recessions for games, so yeah. If you weren't so far away, and I actually had money to hire people, I'd totally consider hiring you. xD If you wanted to help make games, anyway. Out of curiosity, what DO you wanna do?

Making video games would be awesome. I have studied illustration and design, I've realised the only thing I would ever want to do with it is work on games lol
Everything else is too much corporate bullshit, like advertisements etc. There are children's books, but I just lose interest in drawing them. Coz it's rare to find one that's really good.
Which reminds me I have to tell this woman that I'm not drawing her crappy book anymore lol

But yeah, man if I could draw art/design stuff for games I'd move to a different country!

At the moment I think I am just going to save up to study this basic science course, and then go to uni for bachelor of science and then vet school.
It's a long shot, but it's really the only thing I've always wanted to do, since I was a kid I've always thought that would be a great job.

The other thing I've been considering is starting a floatation tank business. I'm not sure how big the market would be, but I've seen shops dedicated to chocolate making classes,
so I guess there's a market for almost everything. I could offer massages etc. too.
But float tank would be the main thing. I think they could hugely benefit humanity if they were common place.
But I need money to start up that business, and no one is going to take a 22-year-old-kid-who-looks-16 seriously anyway.
So I figure it would be better to wait until I'm older, to do that, so maybe like a backup in case veterinarian doesn't work out, like if I can't get in to the course or whatever.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I know what you mean, Link, in your second rant. I was the only one in my family that gave a hoot about dreams. They always claimed they didn't dream and by the age of 13 or so I studied so much about the subject I knew they were full of crap... or were they.
My mom had another sleep study done. The doctor claimed my mother does NOT dream at all. How does a person NOT dream?! It seems to go against everything I've learned- that it's physically and psychologically impossible.

Yeah, that sleep researcher is a moron. You have to dream, it's a necessity to keep your body working. Sleep apnoea can wake you up from sleep, but it's not going to stop one from dreaming completely. They'll just have it in shorter bursts. That's why they usually need to sleep longer too, to get all that REM in.

I have so much to tell you guys, especially Link, but I shouldn't even be on here right now! I need to get to bed NOW to have enough sleep before my driving test tomorrow, and I'm still nervous... but I won't chicken out this time. I've got this... *deep breaths*

I'll actually make replies tomorrow, but just know that I care, guys.

meh why doesn't chat work?

Originally Posted by Mancon

Erii, that sounds so stressful! I have had crazy nights like that before. Not pleasant. Just text me if you have a night like that again. I don't care what time it is, i'll text you back xD. If I dont respond just call me a bunch of times until I wake up.

It was late though and you had to most likely wake early this mornin D: !!!

I am in anticipation of your post, Singularity

Oh boy... I love the feel of sore muscles after a good workout BUT... this is wayyyy too much soreness for me lol *sigh* Getting up out of my chair is mostly fine, but sitting would be nearly unbearable if I didn't use the arms to lower myself And walking down the porch stairs
To think I only worked out for MAYBE 20 minutes. Today, I've been unable to do squat

Just tried to burn a CD to listen to music while at work. Fucking stops working. It's fucking broken. Fuck.

Something in my computer is mildly hallucinogenic.

I'm so fucked. Oh so fucked. It's nearly 4 AM here. I've been trying to get to bed since 11. I've got absolutely no sleep so far, and now I KNOW that I'm too pissed over the lack of sleep to get any now... and really, I think that pulling an all-nighter would somehow be less disastrous than having to wake up after 3 hours of sleep. Why the fuck is such a little thing having so much control over my life? I don't lose sleep like this over anything else. Not later than like 2 AM anyway. Not even things that are actually important, like, you know, deaths in the family. It makes me feel like such a cruel, heartless human being...

There I was in the classroom, listening to our kind of... dull chemistry teacher. Some of my classmates beside me were having random conversations about random stuff. After sometime, they bumped into lucid dreaming. I was like 0_o wtf . In response to this, i immediately did an RC, which confirms that I am not dreaming. Two of the guys were talking about sleep paralysis. One said he was too afraid to proceed in SP because of ghosts and other related stuff. While hearing this, I silently told to myself: "what a newb. I mean, srsly? Is this another one of those rumors where an old lady sits on one's chest? " . The third guy, who was also listening to the other two, was like "mhm... yeah... uhuh... yes" . I jumped into the group and had a conversation with the third guy:
Me: "So... I heard you guys were talking about something called Lucid Dreaming "
Him: "pretty much...(cool calm manner)"
Me: "I heard one can do everything if he/she's lucid.... Why don't you give it a try? "
Him: ".....(busy jotting down notes)"
Me: " Yeah, it can take some time before a person can get an LD"
Him: "Actually, I do it everyday...(still taking down notes)"
Me:

"You mean, you lucid dream like, everyday? 0_0 "
Him:"Pretty much..."

At the back of my mind, I was like:

^ Deja vu. I swear I've seen you make that exact same post before, twice. ._.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

^ Deja vu. I swear I've seen you make that exact same post before, twice. ._.

Something like this?

Originally Posted by weakamon

Hi there my friend , I suggest you talk to OwO, she's a natural when it comes to that. All she does is go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and jot down the 10 breath-taking lds she had that night. Exerting no effort at all while THOUSANDS of people out there, including me, wake up every SINGLE night, and attempt a wild for MORE THAN 2 freaking hours only to find out NO SUCCESS at the end of the night. And even if we succeed with our attempt, most of our HARD-EARNED lds last for only 2 damn seconds! 2 DAMN SECONDS!


P.S.
Sorry bout that, i can no longer contain myself -__-"