Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Last Night I dreamed about Rae, Went to McDeezy today and she was working the drive thru, Sucked. All day I had to fight the urge to go back and talk to her.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

It's pretty weird, but on the other hand, I'm pretty sure it's why my memory for social events is usually so strong.

People always point out how I just smile randomly to myself.
It's because I constantly think through the things I've been doing during the day, usually more so if I hang out with friends or family etc.
I have actually realised I have a ridiculous memory for social things but I didn't realise it may be because of doing that! Good theory.
My theory was that it was because of anxiety and therefore the memories have stronger emotions attached to them and I remember them more.
I'm fairly anxious all the time anyway, although quite a bit more in social situations.
Maybe it's both things having an effect.

I think I can remember word for word pretty much any conversation I've had with anyone (that I really had any interest in at all).
Probably sounds pretty ridiculous but it's true. Some conversations are more solid than others, some I only remember the gist of what was said, but a lot I remember exactly.

And yeah if it's after a long night with lots of socialising I definitely replay the night vividly and will talk to myself etc.
I'll also replay something hundreds of times if I think it didn't go as well as it did. I'll come up with what I should have done etc.
Gets really tiring but I keep doing it anyway.

On the other hand sometimes I just go completely in my head and am unresponsive to the outside world and won't show any signs that I'm "not there", no smiling or acting out or speaking.
That's more a thinking visualisation type thing though I think. Like, and I think I've said this before, when I was in school and working on something I would go in to abstract thoughts based off the work I was doing and/or figure out something in my work, in my head and on a few occasions, someone would try to get my attention and I wouldn't notice at all, and other people would realise and it would end up with the entire class yelling my name before I realised, and I'd only realise sometimes when I was finished thinking about whatever I was thinking about anyway.

So yeah, not sure how much is OCD related things or if they're two separate things.
Again, maybe both.

Originally Posted by Suena

I think I've been seeing UFO's? I saw this thing in the sky last month, around the same time of night and in about the same position. It caught my eye because it looked like a planet--it was bright as hell, but it was also extra-twinkly if that makese sense... I know it's winter here in southcentral kansas, but this star/planet was like super twinkling. I came back to it later and it had moved up significantly into the night sky, so I started watching it obsessively. My cam wasn't working then, so I didn't take video, but I did this time and I don't know what to think or who to show? I wonder if there's some explanation for what I saw. It was multi-colored and it was moving erratically. That could have been me not being able to steady my arm. For some reason on my cam it would disappear and come back in, even if I didn't move, but it wasn't disappearing with just plain eye sight. I guess I'm a little freaked out. I want to show someone, but yea. lol. I'm tempted to wake up the man but he might think I was stupid. UFO's fascinate me, and I don't think I'm going to sleep for a bit... It's still out there O.o.

Post the video!
I saw quite a few when I first started using my telescope. Probably every night I saw something fly across the scope and I'd track it. I realised it was probably satellites, later on.
But was still crazy that I saw them so often.
Not saying you saw a satellite, they wouldn't be as bright as planets.

Looking for a job again *sigh*
Hopefully the immigrants aren't taking all the fruit picking jobs because I will probably have to go there, and fuck the online job sites suck now with all the recruiters which basically just farm resumes and probably steal your information.

I am COMPLETELY sold on Ginkgo Biloba. But last nights dreams were probably due to a number of different thing.
1) I slept, dear Lord, about 18 hours all in all yesterday. Possibly more.
2) I was exhausted and tried to fight it, so I took a caffeine pill as well as 2 Ginkgo... and fell promptly to sleep
3) The power of suggestion could have played into my night as well.

But I don't care
My dreams were almost ALL semi-lucid. I knew I was dreaming, but I didn't take control of the dream and just let it play out which I've never been able to do (and keep dreaming). Whenever I know I'm dreaming, I tend to either wake up or consciously let go of the lucidity.

Anyhow.. in one of the dreams, I went to a floating islands with my hubby. The islands was really only big enough for a small house. The house had another owner, named Jessica, who wasn't there. I wanted to go through stuff to learn more about her, but I didn't want to snoop. Hubby was with me and we were on a sort of vacation. I complained to him it wasn't really a vacation because I was dreaming and I'd forget most of everything when I woke and he didn't benefit at all. He told me it was a shared dream and to ask him about it when I woke up
And sure enough, that's about all I recall of that dream I returned to the island at some point and Jessica was upset and looking for another place to call her own because the "new person is clean (at least) but she doesn't restock the fridge before she leaves". It was some sort of message board thing.
I wanted to reply that I was sorry and ask where exactly one buys food in a dream world made up of floating islands But I woke up.

Another dream was very dark. I was at my Grams old place and in the dream, I had left my old dog, Snuffanuff there. He had been killed and there was a kid who knew how. He showed me visions of a hook. Snuffanuff had been tortured to death. The kids had warned me that some things are better off not knowing, but I pressed him.

There were many,many other dreams but I've already lost most of them. Killimanjaro (or something like that) was said. It was significant because I told myself to remember it through several dreams. But I no longer recall the significance of the word

Other than that.... the dog was concerned about me while I slept so I'm curious about that. My son came back at one point to check on me because the dog kept wanting him to (she'd run from his room to mine a trillion time )

Oh yea, I almost forgot a very dark dream... I was sitting on some sort of bleachers with tons of other people. Some guy grabbed another guy and was about to rape him. No one was doing anything, so I yanked the victim off the guy and told the creep to get the hell out and I didn't want to ever see him again.
(Thank you "Last Resort" for that one )

Anyhow... . I woke because my jaw was killing me. I must have been sleeping with my mouth open, lol and the "pillow" pressing against it in a strange way. It doesn't happen often, but it's often enough to be annoying. I use a couch cushion as a pillow, so it's very firm. My ear hurt a lot too.

My son is awake and came back to laugh at me. He said I slept from 10AM to 6PM yesterday, then fell back to sleep from 10PM to 6AM. So that's only 16 hours Gah....

Just talked to hubby. He didn't remember such a dream

This is not really a rant but oh well. So basically all the meds the doctors gave me didn't work. My stomach still hurts like hell. Now they're probably going to do a gastroscopy. So they're going to put a pipe/tube down my throat to see what's wrong with my stomach. And I'm gonna ask them to put me to sleep. So it won't hurt. Will I enter NREM OR REM when they put me to sleep? Like is it possible to have a lucid dream during this? Because I've read a story about some guy, the doctors put him to sleep and basically he had an out of body experience during surgery? :L

I don't want to go over to your house, I don't f**king like you why can't you understand it!!

Originally Posted by Crashyy

This is not really a rant but oh well. So basically all the meds the doctors gave me didn't work. My stomach still hurts like hell. Now they're probably going to do a gastroscopy. So they're going to put a pipe/tube down my throat to see what's wrong with my stomach. And I'm gonna ask them to put me to sleep. So it won't hurt. Will I enter NREM OR REM when they put me to sleep? Like is it possible to have a lucid dream during this? Because I've read a story about some guy, the doctors put him to sleep and basically he had an out of body experience during surgery? :L

I've been put under twice in my lifetime for surgeries. I don't recall dreams or anything like that from either.
No... there WAS a dream connected with the latest one. It was vague and humorous but I no longer recall what it was.

I hope it goes very well and the Doctors finally figure out what's going on.

I like your avatar, Kenz.

No real rants from me. Been on Farmville and doing laundry. Hubby sort of wants to go up to the Farm today but I'm not holding my breath lol.

tommo: I'm apparently too dumb to figure out how to upload my video and share it with you guys. God it's irritating me!

I'd love to show you, but I can't figure it out... With my pictures I usually upload it to photobucket and then share it. I'm technologically impaired. :/

So, if you want to see, you'll have to explain it to me lol.

Aly: I'd believe you if you told me you saw something on shrooms--I've been there! Saw something in the early morning hours as I was coming down from my trip. My friend who was with me saw it too, and we just stared until it went away lol I have to say... I sure miss them shrooms man.

It actually breaks my heart seeing Austin Carlile crying at the end of this song omfg

Yesterday I had the second hallucination/s of my life. I was driving home, Somewhat tired, and maybe a little stoned, although I always wait till I feel sober to drive, and I kept seeing people walk out from the side of the road. after the 15 mile drive I got out of my car, and started hearing the weirdest noises... I came inside but I really don't know/ can't remember what I did after that.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

This is not really a rant but oh well. So basically all the meds the doctors gave me didn't work. My stomach still hurts like hell. Now they're probably going to do a gastroscopy. So they're going to put a pipe/tube down my throat to see what's wrong with my stomach. And I'm gonna ask them to put me to sleep. So it won't hurt. Will I enter NREM OR REM when they put me to sleep? Like is it possible to have a lucid dream during this? Because I've read a story about some guy, the doctors put him to sleep and basically he had an out of body experience during surgery? :L

He would have been on Ketamine. It's unlikely you'll get that. It's way safer and has a better LD50 than other anaesthetics but for some reason it's not really used as often as the others.
I guess you could ask for Ketamine as the anaesthetic. If your doctor is alright there's no reason why they wouldn't do it.

Originally Posted by Suena

tommo: I'm apparently too dumb to figure out how to upload my video and share it with you guys. God it's irritating me!

I'd love to show you, but I can't figure it out... With my pictures I usually upload it to photobucket and then share it. I'm technologically impaired. :/

So, if you want to see, you'll have to explain it to me lol.

lol
Um, well have you got a youtube account?
Or gmail? (you can sign in to youtube with a gmail account)
From there you go in to your settings, "manage videos" and upload a video.
If you can't figure it out I'll make screenshots to show what to do.

I woke up from a dream last night where a guy was just walking toward my room.
Then I just got this weird feeling in my neck, at the back right. I was lying on my stomach, and my neck just started.... convulsing.
My head was just vibrating almost coz the muscle in the back right of my neck was contracting rapidly.
It was really weird, it just kept going for like 20 seconds. It wasn't a cramp, as my neck didn't hurt at all.
And when it stopped I actually felt extremely relaxed and my whole body was warm.
I also wasn't scared at all while it was happening, but I did have the brief thought that the dream was me interpreting RL of someone walking in to my room and maybe they stabbed my or injected me with something.

It was just really weird....

Sounds scary Zera. When I'm really sleepy I see "shadows" darting out into the road or scurrying across the road. I always think they're animals If it happens too often, I end up slapping my face to wake myself up more. If I'm some distance from home, I pull into a gas station and take a nap.

My rant is that I friggin went back to sleep from 4:30-10PM. What the heck?! I had no interesting dreams this time, but didn't take the Ginkgo before "napping".. Well, I had a couple dark dreams about animals dying but the rest were ordinary (me hanging around the house or with my Congregation).
I must be trying to get sick or something. I don't have any trips coming up so there's no other reason to be sleeping THIS much.

Still no update on my son. My moms going to try to get ahold of his nurse on Tuesday.

Lol. I feel really stupid, but I think I've been seeing the star Sirius... hahahaa... >.<

and my stupid mouth landed me on the couch this evening, yay. So ready to be unpregnant and meet my baby boy. Ready for 2013 to be here already. I HAVE to get some changing done around here, ya know... I feel like I've been under his control for the whole year, and my resolution is to break out of that cycle and grow some balls... not literally, but you know.

step on something mushy while walking toward the train station. i didn't think much of it, as i was pretty much in a rush.
a few minutes after i got in the train it started to smell like shit. i can see people making faces around me. i looked at the bottom of my shoe and realized i just stepped on a big pile of dog shit.

yeah, that was pretty embarrassing.

Originally Posted by Suena

Lol. I feel really stupid, but I think I've been seeing the star Sirius... hahahaa... >.<

That's funny, I was going to suggest it may be that. But you said it was moving, but maybe you just meant in the camera view coz your hand was moving, I wasn't sure.
I saw the same star for the first time about 2 years ago and thought it weird. It changes colours where I am, coz of the atmosphere probably, it's like a shiny dot rainbow lol

Makes me feel like a slut, but to be honest I really have trouble sleeping alone, I just need a girl to lay with or I don't get a good nights sleep. Sucks, not like I go around sleeping with people, I don't, I really have trouble with sleeping at night alone.

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

Makes me feel like a slut, but to be honest I really have trouble sleeping alone, I just need a girl to lay with or I don't get a good nights sleep. Sucks, not like I go around sleeping with people, I don't, I really have trouble with sleeping at night alone.

Hug duvets erryday.
I feel like I'm desperate for hugs all the time.

Ugh... I CAN'T sleep when I'm with someone. Forget cuddling... too much friggin body heat lol

Sometimes I'd swear I have Sleeping Beauty Sickness. I went BACK to sleep from 6:30AM til 4PM... Before that, I "napped" from 4:30-10. But at least I was able to stay awake for 8 1/2 hours that last time

I had a lot of bad dreams. In one dream, my youngest son was missing. I knew he had been eaten by a bear. There was a bush near my house, in the dream, and I started looking through it. I found his hand clinging onto a piece of fabric. His hand was mostly skeletal but there was still a lot of flesh attached here and there.
I stopped looking for him at that point. I didn't want to see what I knew I would find.
That was the only dream I really vividly recall.

Other than that, it's a good evening. I went to Walmart, Dollar Tree AND Sheetz and still made it home in just under an hour. I joked around with the people I ran across (employees mostly lol- I'm WAYYY too much of a regular ) and I was even complimented over my bandanna. But the guy looked dejected when I indicated I wore it to protect my ears. He had said "I like your head covering. My wife, and now you are about the only people I've seen wear them." I then pointed to my ears and said "It helps against the cold".
He, most likely, thought I was Pentecostal I look very Pentecostal on a normal day (long skirts, no makeup, bandanna), so I wasn't offended. People have made that assumption before.

I was saddened by one thing though. As I was leaving for the store, I saw a dark blotch on the ground. I looked closer and it was a tree frog. WTH? I picked him up and his body was icy. I asked him what he was doing out and about this time of year. And then I set him in some weeds where I wouldn't step or run over him. I don't know why I bothered because he's going to freeze to death
I would have adopted him, but that never ends well. Perhaps he'll find a hole and go into hibernation (if frogs even do that).

Ugh... I'm already ready to crawl back into bed. But I refuse! I'll drink an generic 5-hour energy.

I need to search for sounds. I don't know if it's Ginkgo related, but as I tried to fall asleep this morning, I had a strange pressure that was hard to pin down. It felt behind my eyes and ears mostly. And I could "hear" a MOST annoying and EXTREMELY high pitched whine. I "hear" things a lot... my usual noises sound mostly like an electricity hum from high-tension power lines. And I usually only notice it if it's extremely quiet.
The horribly high pitched one from this morning was different though. It even sort of pulsated but not in rhythm with my heart beat.
It wasn't so loud that it was painful, but it was loud enough that I wasn't sure if I was actually "hearing" it with my ears or if it was an internal thing.

It makes me sad that some people I know in real life are going to be trapped with the notion that their life is all just body and mind; and then they'll become so miserable, feel so weak, and die to live in their own pseudo-heaven and hell, trapped, unaware of what they had to do in their previous life.

Every time I look at them, I feel so disgusted that they don't even bother researching, going on a scavenger hunt because they think they're too busy with their lives. Oh well, I'm not supposed be responsible for their lives anyway, but it still bother me though.

My perception of time seems to be going into the mindset of a child or something, because there's so many events that go by so quickly that seemed like years.

I'm getting closer to going into a deep state during meditation, and I can at least assume the position of a half lotus with my hands together. Even though remaining still and conscious isn't a problem for me, understanding how much my body wants to sleep is going to be a difficult task indeed. Especially when my hands feel like twitching sporadically, and my legs just want to twitch as well, and the same goes for my breathing, since I'm not monitoring it anymore, I'm just observing.

Now all I have to do is forget that I have a body, channel some energy, and start having fun while my body goes sleepy mode.

Me too Zhaylin! Didn't know if I was weird or not. My ex was like a friggin heat radiator and I just couldn't sleep with the covers on because I'd just instantly start sweating lol
But somehow she's still cold and wants the blanket. Then I get cold coz the blanket is shielding the heat from me and I don't have the blanket for warmth. Pretty much need separate blankets.
So it's pretty much impossible to sleep with someone, as I'd imagine that entails hugging each other as you fall asleep etc.

Originally Posted by tommo

... So it's pretty much impossible to sleep with someone, as I'd imagine that entails hugging each other as you fall asleep etc.

Yeah, hubby and I always started out sort of hugging or spooning, but we'd eventually put our backs against each other. I'd still be too hot, lol, so I'd then roll over onto my stomach. He always laughed and said he knew I was serious about going to sleep at that point

I finally found the sound that's been buzzing in my head lately 10000 Hz audio frequency - YouTube
My sound MIGHT be a teensy, tiny bit lower. I'd pause the sound on YouTube and then listen to the internal sound which pretty well matched.

I've managed to stay awake with the help of a "5-hour" energy drink as well as a caffeine pill.

I think I forgot to write an anti-rant from day before yesterday. Hubby gave me some money to buy a dryer cord and vent. Now all I have to do is go to Lowes and buy the bolts to hold the pieces where they're supposed to be.
I hope to have a working dryer by the end of the day

@ Zhay, what medicines are you still taking? That pressure could've been from the ginkgo, it's possible that it's interacting with something that you're already on.

@ Dianeva, tommo, interesting responses. It's been a couple days now and I have to agree that talking about that stuff is starting to bring my symptoms back too so I'll just drop it from this point on, but it's nice to get some perspective.

@ Suena, tell me about it! I still think mushrooms quite a lot. They're the only drug that ever actually made me feel truly peaceful. Everything else has a compulsive edge to it, even weed and acid. I've never had a mushroom trip where I didn't feel perfectly content from start to finish.

Rant: I haven't been on in days. There are so many updated threads and posts to check and all that good stuff.... *sigh* I've spent the last few days completely absorbed into Star Wars: The Old Republic. I honestly never understood how someone could become addicted to a MMO before I played this game. Now I know what it's like to pretty sure you haven't even looked in the mirror in days. >.> A constant flow of novelty, aggression, and reward is a very dangerous thing. All of that dopamine flowing becomes evident pretty quickly. I also remember reading that we perceive game characters as an extension of ourselves and the more you get into a game the more you feel like the game events are actually happening to you. I can definitely see that, I've been pretty... er, immersed before. One particularly bad example that comes to mind is back when some of my friends were pushing me to play World of Warcraft with them and I made a night elf and I ended up getting lost in the forest in the starting area for a while because I was really high and I forgot there was a map. This stuff can feel very real when you get into it lol. So it's no wonder that it can pull you away from the real world so effectively, not only does it bring you into another world but then it strongly conditions you to stay there.

Pseudo-philosophical question: If my brain perceives my online character as a part of myself, doesn't that mean I should look after them like my own body? I certainly like to think so. After all, there's nothing truly separating our physical forms from the rest of the universe. What are our bodies if not just the things that our minds perceive to be so?

Trying to justify an addiction. That's a bad sign.

It's 11:34 A.M. and I've done nothing useful around my house. I need to get myself working.


But DV....can't...pull....away....