Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Zhaylin that happens to me if I'm not very careful filling it up, but it hasn't seemed to effect the battery life at all. maybe you just got bad batteries I mean on the bright side though, even if it only lasted 3 months for you it was still cheaper and much better for you than cigarettes!

Originally Posted by Anju

^ go find some girl at the university to help you out with math.

haha....

No.

But yeah nah, it's.... I'm fucked, I know nothing.

Just to generally respond to everyone's replies....

I think wibblybob or whatever had a good analogy.

I am trying to do post-high school math, but I haven't done high school math yet (year 11 and 12).

I've done *some* of it, through Khan Academy, but not even close to all of it.

And there's just absolutely no way I can learn all the intermediate bits as you mentioned Dianeva. I've been studying every day this week trying to really understand it and there's just too much to catch up on, I think.
This shit is way too intense. I cannot learn all I need in a week, before we move on to the next topic.
I've e-mailed one of the people to see what I can do.

It shits me, when I was looking for courses, I asked them if there are any courses which would allow me in to bachelor of science after taking them, since I haven't done year 11 to 12 maths.
They told me to take this course. Then on the website someone asked a question and they say we shouldn't be doing these math classes if we haven't done year 11 - 12 math already.

WTF????

So yeah I've e-mailed to see if there are any simpler math classes. But I can't remember seeing any, so I'm not hopeful.
If not, I'm gonna have to drop out, wait ANOTHER GODDAMNED YEAR, and then apply to somewhere to take year 11-12 math, which will probably take 2 years.

This is fucked.

If it's that, I'm gonna find something else to do besides being a Vet. I mean I'd be 33 before I finish university if I have to do that.
The shitty thing is you don't even need it, you don't need to be a math genius to be a Vet. The most you'd need is simple algebra for medication dosage etc. Barely even algebra.

I'm good at Chemistry, very good at Biology, but have major trouble with Math.

Fuck.... I feel like shit right now. I really hope they have a simpler math class.... It doesn't make sense to do post-high school math to allow me in to Bachelor of Science which only requires high school math.

I'm so stressed out. And I still have to go to Uni tomorrow, and only have until the end of this week to drop out (still have to pay some of the fee, but if I wait longer I'll have to pay all of it).

Although I only have lectures tomorrow, I might just look at them online, it's been a waste of time to go to them so far.

Alright, calm down Tommo.... Just take a day off and relax and get proper information about classes....

Shit I want to cry. Thought I was on my way to what I should have been doing years ago, felt really good for a while there.

[QUOTE=Wishfulthinker;2086915
he remembers stuff about me which is a concept of human interaction I find super interesting [/QUOTE]

I agree, it's fascinating. From my own experience I find it a very positive sign when someone remembers something I've done, I always try to return the gesture.
Most people are just self-centered, only asking question so they can move to a topic of interest to them. It wonderful to see the contrast in people, between asking questions to make themselves feel better and asking because they care for the reply.
One thing I've noticed is that the friends who actively remember what other do are much happier and form closer bonds to their friends.

It's strange how most people will pick the direct route to satisfaction through communication by taking about themselves, while the other route will in the long term pay off.
It could be some form of friendship limitation, only those friends who want to heighten their relationship with you will take an active interest in what you do.

Looking at my "friends", I can clearly separate them into those two groups. I wish my knowledge on human interaction was greater than first-hand experience, perhaps I should read a book on the subject. Any ideas anyone?

Originally Posted by Zacsby

Aly my week was much of the same. without the mind blowing, life shattering trip. but I've never needed that to be confused, or ambivalent or anything else of the sort...

I do this thing where I take responsibility for other peoples emotional well-being all the time. Such pressure, much bad for your own emotional well-being. not to mention the fact that people don't care anyway. blahhhh. You will always wake up from a dream. But you will never wake up from reality. It is not a rabbit hole, it is a black hole. One can only hope that whatever is on the other side is worth it. I'm usually pretty positive, but its easy to get comfortable on the dark side when you simply don't want to see what's going on anymore. That's right. I'm going to get my Hellen Keller on for a while. Rant over.

I can relate completely. Huh.... You're familiar with drug websites. You would probably recognize the oddness of my situation more than most people here. I'm going to PM you something. o.O

Originally Posted by Zacsby

Rave: I've had 2 extremely vivid LD's this past week, I woke up thinking I was in a different place entirely. and I'm super thankful I was already a world class daydreamer, I feel like my dream control is exceptional as a result. in other news, my doc bumped me up to Dexedrine, which is basically more potent Adderall. I was worried that it would suppress my REM sleep cycles significantly, but it either hasn't or the lack of REM sleep is increasing the intensity of my dreams when I actually get the chance. Also explains why I'm up at 4:30 haha

I've actually heard of amphetamines increasing dream frequency and vividness before, though sometimes decreasing lucidity. Seems that may not be a problem for you though. Hooray for Dexedrine!... A few years ago a friend of mine decided to fund a sleep deprivation study of mine by feeding me more of his every time I got tired (which could equate to me suddenly squinting, or holding out my hand expectantly). The problem though is that that particular friend was also the #1 campus weed dealer, so in between each dose of free amphetamine there was some free smokage as well lol. Also I took mushrooms on the second day, which didn't help. On the third day he just happened totally by coincidence to get the strongest weed I ever smoked... that any of us had ever smoked. You could tell it was special without even having to smoke it - it looked alien and you could smell it from a mile away. Was the only strain I would ever call an extremely strong one hitter quitter AND creeper... you know you're done before you even let out your first hit, and fifteen minutes later you realize you were actually only just getting started. On that night it arrived one of our mutual friends (who I met through him though) cooked up some hash oil with it, and then they brought out this big bong and everyone there had to take at least one entire bowl of 1) the finely ground weed, 2) a thick layer of its kief, and 3) a big drop of the hash oil, in one hit, while standing. I did two of those bowls myself... and collapsed to the ground immediately after both hits (as did everyone else with theirs). I think someone handed me a beer too but I barely noticed.... The first friend was talking to me at some point and all I could see was his face warping around and melting off and emitting color patterns. (Note that there were no mushrooms in my system anymore at this point.) I went to bed that night. And in the process I kept thinking I was various objects scattered around the room....

^^ My Dexedrine anecdote.

The guy who made the hash oil did seven of those bowls with no breaks except to load bowls for other people. He ended up stumbling around with his arms outstretched like a zombie and mouth hanging open saying "I don't know what to do you guys, I've never been this high before!!!!"

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Thanks Aly
No warranty, unfortunately.

Ah, bummer. >w< Well, I hope you have better luck next time then lol.

Originally Posted by Astaroth

Omg Alyzarin now I understand why you wanted to go back to that world full of vibrating colors and fractals and holy fuck DMT. Can't even imagine how hyperspace is.

Welcome to my world lol. Time to start chasing the fractalline dragon.

Spoiler for Something like this:

Spoiler for Also this:

How much did you smoke?

The last couple of times I smoked it there weren't even patterns or fractals... just sexy ladies. Everywhere.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Welcome to my world lol. Time to start chasing the fractalline dragon.

Spoiler for Something like this:

Spoiler for Also this:

How much did you smoke?

The last couple of times I smoked it there weren't even patterns or fractals... just sexy ladies. Everywhere.

I don't really know as I don't have a mg scale. At one point I closed my eyes and didn't feel my body anymore and I could see a woman surrounded by a lot of eyes and fractals but I forced myself to go back as I wasn't prepared to go there haha.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I've actually heard of amphetamines increasing dream frequency and vividness before, though sometimes decreasing lucidity. Seems that may not be a problem for you though. Hooray for Dexedrine!... A few years ago a friend of mine decided to fund a sleep deprivation study of mine by feeding me more of his every time I got tired (which could equate to me suddenly squinting, or holding out my hand expectantly).

Wow that sounds like a really effective method of torture...I'm supposed to take it three times daily but I YOLO it and take all of em soon as I get up and use some chron or maybe a little Valium later in the day for the comedown. When I stack doses it just makes me feel shitty. Speed + tripping is something I've never had the desire to do. but in your defense you were likely sleep deprived to the point of deliriousness and high on top of that. I would have enjoyed observing in the name of science though hahaha

GUYZ ALY PM'd ME A HUGE SECRET IM GOING TO TELL ALL OF YOU!!!!

.....just kidding, I'm def intrigued to see where the story is going lol

RAWR!!! I am in such a crabby mood. I ran to the store, sat down and asked myself "Why is it so friggin dark in here?!" I took stock, and sure enough, one light bulb (out of 4) burned out. Seriously, how can ONE light make that much of a difference in my mood?
And I'm out of bulbs Oh well, I can open the curtain and that'll fix the light problem during these day light hours.

Zacsby, I've definitely saved some money, but the greater benefit would be to my health. I still supplement the e-cigs with real ones. But instead of smoking around 14 packs a week, I average around 3... so that would come out to around $25. for my habit instead of nearly $50.

Tommo. I'd be in your shoes where math's concerned. I hate that subject! I hope there's an easier class you can take.

Its been a year since my grandmother died. It's crazy how fast time goes.

Hey guys, it's been a while! Hopefully you all are doing well, and if not, I hope things get better soon

Just popping in for a few quick things:

Cry: No matter how friendly I am, I cannot seem to make friends IRL.

Complain: I've got a genetics test tomorrow that probably won't go well (although that's my fault)

Rave: Saw my academic advisor today and found out a few awesome things. The first is that I only require 4 more classes to graduate, 1 Spanish and 3 biology. The second is that the bio classes I need to take don't have to have labs. Finally, I can take one of the bio courses during the summer. Put it all together and that means I'm graduating a semester early with my final semester only having 10 hours and no Friday classes! FUCK YES! (To put this happiness into perspective, I have been usually taking 16-18 hours a semester, including a Friday lab.)

Just have to make it through this semester....

My rant is that I went to bed at 8:30. I woke at 9:30 with an extremely racing heart rate. I had a couple of dreams that I was someone else. In one I was a guy, in the other I was a girl named Jennifer. It was sexual in nature. It ended with me yelling at my boyfriend or husband because our tryst with another couple didn't go anywhere for me because he threw a fit.

I woke feeling VERY disassociated. I wanted to self injure just to feel that I was ME. I told myself to go back to sleep, that the feeling would pass on its own and it did. But GAH! What a feeling that was. I don't think I've ever woken to that feeling before in my entire life. In probably (at LEAST) 60% of my dreams, I'm someone else. It was closer to 80% when I was younger. And that fear What the heck?! i wrote it off to not having taken my Celexa for going on 3 days now. But I've been without my med (cold turkey) for much longer in the psat and never reacted this way. who knows.

I woke again at some other point and turned on one of my lights. But I fell right back to sleep. I woke at 2 with severe reflux. Darn Zitti lol

another rant is that my PC is acting up. Twice today, it's crashed. Each time, a screen has told me to try uninstalling anything I've recently added and something about BIOS but then it restarts before i can read anything more. I will go insane if I lose both my laptop AND Desktop!!!!!

I'm also trying to catch a cold or something. I was sneezing my head off earlier today. There's also something weird going on with my stomach. when i tried to wake up I felt hunger and an extremely cold sensation where my ribs meet (that's also where I feel 'hunger") and my back has a dull ache which makes me wonder if it's really my back or cramps. I don't think i'm going to take my cranberry pills for a while and see if that helps. (I get urinary discomfort sometimes). My eyes look a little jaundiced since i started them and I've felt all kinds of out of sorts.

Astaroth and NewArtemis.
I was wondering where you had run off to, NewArtemis

**EDIT**
I am infuriated (for such a silly reason). I went to play Minecraft and my town was gone. I looked up how to find my folder and did so. I clicked on the name of my town and it disappeared. I was so angry, I deleted every single saved file I had. Then I started a new game and just leveled the place And now I'm nauseous. I've known for a long time that I hate minecraft grass. I could spend hours murdering every patch I see. But it makes me feel motion sick so I try to limit myself. I forgot about that in my angered state. so now I'm going to go back to bed. Gah!
I found a flash drive so I'm going to try to save my games from here on out. I really loved my last town
But... my computer hasn't crashed again (after crashing for a third time earlier). Maybe the game file was corrupt and that was causing the problem and now my computer will be miraculously okay *please?* lol

Originally Posted by Astaroth

I don't really know as I don't have a mg scale. At one point I closed my eyes and didn't feel my body anymore and I could see a woman surrounded by a lot of eyes and fractals but I forced myself to go back as I wasn't prepared to go there haha.

I feel ya, I usually measure by the number of piles I dump on to a bowl lol.... I think I'm going to get one before I use it again though; after some trial and error I'm thinking that there's both a too little and a too much... well, if you're trying to get to hyperspace anyway. Too little just gives me patterns, and too much just starts ripping my ego in every direction - intense, but very abstract and hard to remember. But if I hit just at the sweet spot then I see the entire visionary worlds begin to unfold, even more complexly than with those high doses.... Interestingly I read around for some reports where people used huge doses and had similar effects, so yeah, I'm definitely measuring my next batch....

Next time you should keep your eyes closed. Hehe, I mean, go at your own pace of course... but eyes closed wins by far. Unless it just happens to pop up at a party or something, I always smoke in my room (in bed) in the dark. Once you've taken that hit it doesn't matter what you do, I mean you're not getting up again.... You're plunged into the abyss for the whole trip. X3 For me those tend to be the most intense trips.... That's when I really start to feel the hallucinations happening as a part of my body, or like, I become / am ripped up into the hallucinations.... What you saw sounds like it would have gone in a very neat direction. But it sounds cool just to have seen too!

I'm sorry about your grandmother as well. But I know the feeling....

Originally Posted by Zacsby

Wow that sounds like a really effective method of torture...I'm supposed to take it three times daily but I YOLO it and take all of em soon as I get up and use some chron or maybe a little Valium later in the day for the comedown. When I stack doses it just makes me feel shitty. Speed + tripping is something I've never had the desire to do. but in your defense you were likely sleep deprived to the point of deliriousness and high on top of that. I would have enjoyed observing in the name of science though hahaha

GUYZ ALY PM'd ME A HUGE SECRET IM GOING TO TELL ALL OF YOU!!!!

.....just kidding, I'm def intrigued to see where the story is going lol

Hahaha, awesome use of prescribed medication. That friend who was dosing me would stay up all night with his friends crushing up the pills and then arranging them into words like "FUCK" and snorting them lol.... I remember he once came to me for drug advice a few days after a music festival.... He had stayed up all for days without sleep constantly snorting Dexedrine and continuously dosing on more LSD when he would start coming down, and then when he got back home he was tripping hard from smoking weed and it was making him panicky. He knows I know drug stuff so he asked me if he thought that the music festival was the reason and I was like um, I know it's the reason, you need to take a short break man. X)

Honestly, the only reason I really ever even used speed at all aside from that was so that I could take a moderate to high dose and then after I come down just start weed like crazy so that it would make me start hallucinating. I started on mostly doing that when mixing it with MDMA since that already gives a genuinely psychedelic trip when you do that, and that produces some fucking crazy mystical delirium , but after a while I got HPPD pretty bad (not that much anymore though) and it became easy to do it with just a regular dose of amphetamine and weed.... It was fun for a while and I even mixed it with pure JWH-250 to get this really bizarre out-of-body experience, with eyes open I was fine but with them closed I was this hookah that my friend was always talking about making, and he was showing it (me) off to another friend of ours.... I finally quit though after this one night of a few Vyvanse and practically nonstop Nicotiana rustica (sacred tobacco, several times the nicotine content and a higher ratio of harmala alkaloids) smoking for like several hours, bowl after bowl after bowl in a mini hookah.... I ended up smoking some weed when I got home since I would just be in bed in the dark and sped out, and I ended up getting these crazy vibrant gear patterns and streams of visuals curving down from the ceiling like waterfalls, and I was very delirious as if I had taken an anticholinergic, everything in the room kept twisting and turning and mutating into nonsensical animals and scenery, and at one point my body was being divided up into gnomes.... It was intense, but in the morning I was starting to feel seriously shitty. I don't know if it was the massive overuse of tobacco when I literally never smoke it or take stimulants (<-- probably at least mostly this) or just the fact that I wasn't prepared to have a crazy pseudo-psychedelic trip on speed, but I could feel my body getting sooooo weak, it just felt like it was shutting down and it was hard to breath or move, and of course the mindset just intensified it. My mom gave me a bunch of Xanax to calm me down and it didn't do anything so I ended up going to the hospital and getting shot up with Ativan which did not stop me from tripping entirely but it did make me happy and dazed, and in the end it really was just a really shitty physical feeling from overdoing stuff.... Since then, the idea hasn't seemed as appealing....

Noooooo, that's my secret. D: Don't be a meanie.

Hehe, it's an odd story for sure....

Originally Posted by NewArtemis

Hey guys, it's been a while! Hopefully you all are doing well, and if not, I hope things get better soon

Just popping in for a few quick things:

Cry: No matter how friendly I am, I cannot seem to make friends IRL.

Complain: I've got a genetics test tomorrow that probably won't go well (although that's my fault)

Rave: Saw my academic advisor today and found out a few awesome things. The first is that I only require 4 more classes to graduate, 1 Spanish and 3 biology. The second is that the bio classes I need to take don't have to have labs. Finally, I can take one of the bio courses during the summer. Put it all together and that means I'm graduating a semester early with my final semester only having 10 hours and no Friday classes! FUCK YES! (To put this happiness into perspective, I have been usually taking 16-18 hours a semester, including a Friday lab.)

Just have to make it through this semester....

Heeeey NewArtemis. It's nice to see you again! That's awesome about the classes! You're almost there. :3

What are your conversations with people like when you normally try to make friends? Lol.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My rant is that I went to bed at 8:30. I woke at 9:30 with an extremely racing heart rate. I had a couple of dreams that I was someone else. In one I was a guy, in the other I was a girl named Jennifer. It was sexual in nature. It ended with me yelling at my boyfriend or husband because our tryst with another couple didn't go anywhere for me because he threw a fit.

I woke feeling VERY disassociated. I wanted to self injure just to feel that I was ME. I told myself to go back to sleep, that the feeling would pass on its own and it did. But GAH! What a feeling that was. I don't think I've ever woken to that feeling before in my entire life. In probably (at LEAST) 60% of my dreams, I'm someone else. It was closer to 80% when I was younger. And that fear What the heck?! i wrote it off to not having taken my Celexa for going on 3 days now. But I've been without my med (cold turkey) for much longer in the psat and never reacted this way. who knows.

That sounds intense. XD Well that fear aside I'm jealous of your dreams.... I always thought that was one of the more interesting aspects of dreams and hallucinations. I only very rarely have a dream where I'm someone else, like maybe once every few months normally, unless I'm journaling or something but then still not as often.... Was the dream just really vivid? o.o

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I'm also trying to catch a cold or something.

You're trying to?

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Rant: Love is tough sometimes, even when it's going smoothly. At least Avril gets me though.

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

But then, to be fair to my intelligence, one question asked us to work out how many water molecules were hydrating one of the salts and one guy legitimately answered it with 0.1 and was suprised when we all had intigers.

Jeez, I know almost nothing, and I know how wrong that is. Did he think it was an atomic bomb?

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

In other news I helped this guy with his fitness test on Monday. He's really nice. I kinda like him. But, Idek where this is going. He gave me a lift home which I was grateful for and he remembers stuff about me which is a concept of human interaction I find super interesting

He likes you too. Just so you know.

I was seriously thinking about this like.... 20 minutes ago or something. I realised I remember every detail of interactions with girls I like.
I'll remember, what we said, where we were, sometimes what they were wearing (if it was different enough to notice).
I was lamenting that I don't remember everything that well.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

A few years ago a friend of mine decided to fund a sleep deprivation study of mine by feeding me more of his every time I got tired (which could equate to me suddenly squinting, or holding out my hand expectantly). The problem though is that that particular friend was also the #1 campus weed dealer, so in between each dose of free amphetamine there was some free smokage as well lol. Also I took mushrooms on the second day, which didn't help. On the third day he just happened totally by coincidence to get the strongest weed I ever smoked... that any of us had ever smoked. You could tell it was special without even having to smoke it - it looked alien and you could smell it from a mile away. Was the only strain I would ever call an extremely strong one hitter quitter AND creeper... you know you're done before you even let out your first hit, and fifteen minutes later you realize you were actually only just getting started. On that night it arrived one of our mutual friends (who I met through him though) cooked up some hash oil with it, and then they brought out this big bong and everyone there had to take at least one entire bowl of 1) the finely ground weed, 2) a thick layer of its kief, and 3) a big drop of the hash oil, in one hit, while standing. I did two of those bowls myself... and collapsed to the ground immediately after both hits (as did everyone else with theirs). I think someone handed me a beer too but I barely noticed.... The first friend was talking to me at some point and all I could see was his face warping around and melting off and emitting color patterns. (Note that there were no mushrooms in my system anymore at this point.) I went to bed that night. And in the process I kept thinking I was various objects scattered around the room....

That reminded me of the strongest bud I have ever had. As soon as you said "You could tell it was special without even smoking it" I knew more or less what was to follow, lol.

Happened to me in high school. I told my friend to get "the best weed you can get". And christ almighty, she did.
A couple of hits of a joint, and two hits out of a shittily made coke can pipe, and I was FUCKED. And so were all of the regular stoners.
The girl who I was in love with at the time (she's still the most beautiful sight I have ever seen), was smoking an ounce every few days, and she was constantly saying how fucking high she was.
Meanwhile, me, having smoked ditch weed twice and mediocre weed twice.... I'm on the ground, paralyzed, hallucinating silhouettes of everyone (with my eyes closed at this point) and where they were in space, talking to me and laughing. I couldn't see them, but I knew exactly where they were and how they were standing etc. I can't prove this of course, but I know.

This was approximately 2-5 minutes after having collapsed to my knees, thinking I was done for, and seeing the Sun through the trees get brighter and brighter, and saturate almost my whole vision, with the remaining splotches of colour dancing about, vibrant and chaotic.

Also got to rest on that girl's boobs while she rubbed water on my chest, and rested in a bed with her

Good times, but scary as hell for a while.

__________________________

Rant/Rave:

Spoiler for holy crap, this was too long:

First the rant, I.... you know, fuck it. I'm just going to do the rave.
The coordinator completely changed my timetable (which is my rant in short).
But the rave is that I realised.... I DO NOT HAVE TO DO MATHS!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least not complicated Maths.

She changed my subjects to Biology and Chemistry (plus the non-science subjects that I need to do with this degree).
Turns out, you don't even have to do Maths to get in to the Bachelor of Science.
Every person I asked at 3 different Universities said I had to, but I think they must have misunderstood, or didn't have enough information, just receptionists looking at the website or something.

I asked my uncle (who is a Veterinarian) to see if the coordinator was right, and he said he only needed really basic Maths during University.
The only reason people say you need Maths is because, coming from high school, you need a really high score (like GPA in America, I think), so it's better to do higher-scoring subjects. Such a stupid system....

So basically I've been stressing out studying algebra and calculus and trigonometry and geometry etc. for the past year and a bit, for no reason lol.
Well, maybe it will be helpful. I guess algebra is useful in general anyway (seriously that shit is amazing, if you don't know it, learn it. Just go to Khan Academy > Algebra section and take a look, you'll get hooked), and I'll need it for Chemistry as well.
But in any case, I had no reason to stress so bloody bad this week and especially last night, about the Maths classes.

Also the coordinator enrolled me in Philosophy, but I decided to change that to Chinese. Philosophy is bullshit. The critical thinking class is good, everyone should learn that from 12 years old IMO. But I already know a lot about it, and the second semester class was about bullshit like "What are the ethics of cloning or genetically altering babies?" and that kind of crap. My opinion is that it's only a debate because of paleolithic religions. Engineer that baby! Why would you want people to suffer because it's "playing god" to make them have lower stress levels, or have a higher IQ, or be more athletic, or more creative?


I don't know how hard Chinese is going to be, but I figure at least I'll find it interesting. MY only rant is I have to do an oral presentation, but it's a group one at least. (Xanax here I come! lol. Shit, I can't wait to take that again, lovely chemical....)
I'd rather learn Japanese, and it's probably easier, especially since I know a tiny bit already from high school, but I would probably never use it.
Whereas there are tonnes of Chinese people in Australia, and if I stay friends with my ex, I can talk/write in Chinese a bit. Language barriers are always a problem.

Also it will help for when China takes over the world, so there's that too.

In summary, I feel much better now. I love Chemistry and Biology, and I don't have to study things I don't like just to meet some arbitrary and pointless requirement.

This is my state of mind:


EDIT:

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

RAWR!!! I am in such a crabby mood. I ran to the store, sat down and asked myself "Why is it so friggin dark in here?!" I took stock, and sure enough, one light bulb (out of 4) burned out. Seriously, how can ONE light make that much of a difference in my mood?
And I'm out of bulbs Oh well, I can open the curtain and that'll fix the light problem during these day light hours.

Yeah, light has a massive effect on mood, and also sleep patterns. I reccomend f.lux (google it) and LED lightings, either warm or white LED's.
I prefer warm, but some prefer white.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Tommo. I'd be in your shoes where math's concerned. I hate that subject! I hope there's an easier class you can take.

Haha, yep! And thanks

I do find some beauty in some Maths though. I used to just hate it, but once you understand it, you can see the utility of it, and it's subjective eloquence. It's quite amazing really, although I wouldn't have believed it a couple of years ago.

That's one of the main reasons I get so frustrated with it, really. There are so many people who just do not understand how they're using Maths. They follow formulas, maybe remember when to use them, and remember certain rules.... But they do not get it.

They don't conceptualise what they're doing when they manipulate a quadratic equation. They just do what they were told to do.
I found myself doing that while trying to catch up and I just lost ALL interest in it.
Whereas with the topics I had time to fully understand, I found beauty within. And I want to learn more.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Rant: Love is tough sometimes, even when it's going smoothly. At least Avril gets me though.

Avril Lavigne? haha
I like some of her songs.

Im so SICK of this city and its people.

@Tommo: I'm on my phone right now so I can't quote, but sounds intense. That reminds me of the first time I ever smoked amazing weed too.... I even got the thing with the sunlight saturating your whole vision. I stared at the sun as the high was coming up and then suddenly everything went white.... When everything faded back in I was heavily dissociated; everything I saw lagged a few seconds behind when I felt it (incredibly disorienting ), I was having a different conversation in my head and with my mouth, and I was sure that everything that was happening was just a two week old memory.... Never got that high again haha. I didn't get to rest on anyone's boobs for my experience though.... Lucky!!

And yes Avril Lavigne lol. She's all grown up now you know. Though I liked her as a kid too.... I'd post an awesome song of hers if I had the ability to do so right now.

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Alright guys, truth time.... I need some opinions: LSZ or AL-LAD?

Aly: My friendly conversations go like this: "I want to murder your whole family." Nah, not really. But with a sense of humor like that it's no wonder I can't make friends. In truth I just talk about random stuff, ask them questions about what they're interested in, all that. It's really not the conversations that are bad, it's that it never progresses to hanging out or doing anything together. Kind of sticks at "good acquaintance". I'd like to have somebody other than my husband to hang out and talk with, not just chat.

Rant: I come home from my crappy test and find that my dog has totally chewed up my $100 gaming headphones that I've only had for about 2 months and use all the time. Extremely furious right now. I thought I shut the door all the way, but I guess the door didn't latch. And her fucking favorite toy was right next to the carnage. Unreparable, the cord and USB plug and volume control were in little bits.

Ugh. NewArtemis. That happened to me and expensive Bose headphones. I wanted to kill that dog and my kids for moving them into his reach to begin with.

Tommo, I just don't have the memory for math. I still use my fingers and toes for basic addition and subtraction I just have an insane block when it comes to the subject. my mom blames that on some teacher i had when I was 7 or so who called me stupid in front of the whole class because I was having trouble with something math related. I don't remember the event at all, so who knows.
I'm glad the University worked something out for you!!
Oh, and f.lux sounds really neat!

Aly, almost all of my dreams are incredibly vivid. It's been a blessing and a curse my whole life. The weird thing about the 2 that woke me was that they were nothing special. They were emotionally intense (nearly the only type of dream I consider a nightmare), but not THAT intense!!

My hubby hates to hear my dreams, lol, because he thinks they're psychotic or something. If I'm dreaming about being someone else, more than half the time I'm some random guy. When I was younger, again, I was almost always some guy. Maybe this means I'm becoming more comfortable with being myself as I get older Or I'm losing my imagination
More often than not though, I DC bounce. I'm a lot like a spirit when I dream. I'll see the dream through the eyes of various DC's. That makes war dreams really interesting because I'll jump to people on both sides of the battle to feel what's driving them.
And yet it all seems completely rational at the time and I almost never become lucid

I always wait for someone to comment on the "trying to" catch a cold bit It's not that I WANT to, but it seems inevitable lol

My rave is that I called my credit card and had $102. on it. I'm just receiving ancient back child support so it comes very sporadically and I try not to spend any of it for the sake of Netflix and Hulu. I needed another e-cig though. The shop didn't have any of the ones I usually buy, so I forked out $63. for a new kit. It comes with a case, a removable battery and a big tank. The battery itself is one of the long lasting ones (900 something or other).
Now I need to crochet yet another lanyard

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My hubby hates to hear my dreams, lol, because he thinks they're psychotic or something. If I'm dreaming about being someone else, more than half the time I'm some random guy. When I was younger, again, I was almost always some guy. Maybe this means I'm becoming more comfortable with being myself as I get older Or I'm losing my imagination
More often than not though, I DC bounce. I'm a lot like a spirit when I dream. I'll see the dream through the eyes of various DC's. That makes war dreams really interesting because I'll jump to people on both sides of the battle to feel what's driving them.
And yet it all seems completely rational at the time and I almost never become lucid

That sounds like it would be interesting. And definitely doesn't make you psychotic. I used to be a male in my dreams as a kid, and a bit less as a teenager, and even when I was a female I was usually someone else. Now I'm almost always myself, only in odd situations that could never happen.

I'm really not sure about this, but I've had a recent hypothesis that the tendency for females to dream about being men might have something to do with media portrayals of men and women. When someone in a show, movie, book or other story goes on an adventure or something otherwise interesting happens, they're usually male. Stories are usually told from the man's perspective while women tend to have motivational roles. Lately they're even portrayed as being smart and sophisticated and such, but they're still flat and tend not to develop as much as male characters. Even on the internet, everyone is assumed to be a male until proven female. So girls growing up kind of associate the more interesting, deep, protagonisty characters as being men. So if you dream about being in some random scenario in which something interesting is happening, your subconscious is a lot more likely to see it from a male viewpoint. Anyway, whether that's the reason or not, for whatever reason I was usually a male when I was younger, and I've gradually gotten more and more used to being female. Maybe I've grown more into my identity, or maybe it's the fact that I've stopped reading a lot of fantasy novels. Do you choose a male character when you play Skyrim?

Very interesting idea!!
I've always played girls in video games (they tend to be prettier to look at lol)
I can definitely see some substance in your theory. It makes a lot of sense!

**EDIT**
I don't understand my new e-cig kit. I can't find it pictured at the official website, but this google search is the closest I've found so far http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Kik%2...age=20&ndsp=41
Wow... that was a very long url lol

The "neck" on mine is much shorter though. It spins and spins. I don't understand the on/off feature at all because turning it on unscrews the battery (which is a big thing that charges separately). The tank itself is frustrating. It comes apart in three pieces and nothing keeps the in place (no seals). It's fed at the bottom by what looks like small trenches (not a wick set up). Taking the nipple off (what is it really called, Tommo ) and filling it from the top seemed the most practical.
No information came with the kit. Just the name on the vinyl case "Kik Sticks". I really hope I didn't just waste a whole lot of money!!!!!!!!

I haven't used it yet. The battery is going to take forever to charge.

I am procrastinating like crazy and very exhausted. I am hoping for a break soon.

I hope you get some rest soon Tiresias.

My rant is that my sleep schedule is too out of whack. I've been falling asleep at around 9PM and waking up at 2AM. Then I get sleepy again around 10AM and I sleep until around 2PM What the heck.
I also do not care for this new e-cig one bit. The on/off knob is actually a button you press to heat the e-juice. when you unscrew the proper place, the button pops out. Otherwise, it's a more flat bottom and the unit stands easily on its own. With the button out, however, it's wobbly. It takes two hands for me to use this thing comfortably. I crocheted a lanyard and keep it around my neck so I've gotten around the button problem. But it's an impossible shape, this e-cig- kind of like a vase with a bigger bottom and a more slender neck and top. So, in order for it to not look completely stupid, I just crocheted a sort of basket which leaves the tank completely exposed. I feel like I'm wearing gaudy bling

It seems to vape okay, but there's definitely a gurgliness and a more "full" feel to it that I don't care for. But it does work so that's all that really matters in the end. I definitely wouldn't recommend it though.

I broke down and watched some e-cig youTube videos and it seems my stomach (and nausea) problems might be being made worse by the Propylene Glycol in the e-juice. I need to try to find some juice locally that doesn't have any of that in it and see if that helps.

This is a rant/rave, since although I like overtime (extra cash = more beer + more music... I mean, more savings to buy a house) it's a bit tight now. I just got home, and in 9 hours I need to drive back to work for another night shift. Then Saturday morning after the shift, I have my yearly work meeting from 7am - 12pm, which is a worthless snore-fest. But it's required. Then after that, I'm going to change my oil. I've been pushing it off for too long because I've been waiting for a day that is 30°F+ and not snowing, which is a combination that hasn't happened in a while. THEN, I need to get home (I work on my car at my parents' place since I don't have a garage) and go to sleep 4 or 5 hours before I work another night shift Saturday night into Sunday. So... no "weekend" this time.

To top off the rant portion of this post: I have one beer left in my fridge.

R A N T : I almost always fuck up when taking an exam, one way or another. I had one today. I was prepared, and doing fine, answering every question with only a bit I was uncertain about. The last question was worth 16% or so (well 16 points, I'm not sure if it all added to 100) and I knew how to do it. Really easy, something I'd done many times before, but tedious. I had 15 minutes though, so I went at it carefully. Then about 2 minutes later the teacher says "so you have 3 minutes left..." And then I realized, we don't get a whole hour, we only got until 3:50! Although that's technically when class ends, almost all other teachers at this school give students to the end of the hour to finish a test. So I panicked and went as fast as possible, but it wasn't fast enough. I got, I'd say about 1/3 of the entire question finished. It's one thing if I do badly on a test because I genuinely didn't know the material. But there's something infuriating about knowing that I know it, yet being short on time. I could have gone so much faster if I had only realized we only had until 3:50 sooner. That little oversight may have brought me from a potential A to a B on this test, which could easily make a difference to my overall grade for that class, since that midterm was worth 30%.

R A V E : Drinking tonight! It's Friday, and I got cider. I have a lot to do this weekend, but this time, Friday right after school, is the best time. After so much stress it's nice to have a weekend. I don't have school on Tues/Thurs and I skipped Wednesday this week, so I actually had 3 days off, but it somehow still doesn't feel the same as an actual weekend. I get to have fun tonight, drink some pear cider and play l4d2, and finally watch the new Walking Dead episode! I just have to get myself to work on things now even though I don't absolutely have to, even though I'm so stressed from being out for 10 hours, or else in about 50 hours I'll be panicking and mad at my past self. It's just so nice to sit here with time to browse DV and reddit and whatever and not have anything to rush to get done.

I hope you have a nice, relaxing evening Dianeva. For your test.

Slow down Sefalik. You're going to work yourself to death and be unable to enjoy the things you want. But it is nice to see someone with such a great work ethic. My kids could learn a lot from you

My rave is that I was wrong This new e-cig doesn't suck much at all. It's taken some getting used to (especially filling it and the bottom button), but I've only had a couple cigs all day. I've not wanted one. This new e-cig is more powerful than the old ones I've used.

My rant is that I don't know if it's allergies, dry air or my e-cig (or all of the above) but I have horrendously dry and irritated eyes. I've also been a bit more dehydrated than usual (drinking my usual- no change there) and I've slowly come to accept that vaping causes bad breath Or perhaps it the dry mouth caused by vaping... I'm trying to drink more water because of it and see if that helps.

It's been a fairly peaceful day.

Oh yeah, since my Minecraft game disappeared my computer hasn't crashed a single time. Perhaps the problem truly was a corrupt file. I don't know what's wrong with that game. I have no skins installed. The sound in the game is starting to get out of whack now.

And I still can't play Skyrim on my PC because Steam completely bombed. I hate that it's REQUIRED to play the game! My son had an account set up on the PC so I signed in on my account and it crashed. I uninstalled it, reinstalled it, but it wont load I need to trouble shoot the problem but I've not had the energy to fool with it. Mostly, because I know Skyrim will play like crap. If my machine can't run Minecraft how do I expect it to run anything bigger?

Gah. It's past my bed time I should take a caffeine pill and push myself to 2AM so I'll sleep til 10-noon. Hubby actually might want to do something tomorrow but my current sleep trend would make that difficult...

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

@Tommo: I'm on my phone right now so I can't quote, but sounds intense. That reminds me of the first time I ever smoked amazing weed too.... I even got the thing with the sunlight saturating your whole vision. I stared at the sun as the high was coming up and then suddenly everything went white.... When everything faded back in I was heavily dissociated; everything I saw lagged a few seconds behind when I felt it (incredibly disorienting ), I was having a different conversation in my head and with my mouth, and I was sure that everything that was happening was just a two week old memory.... Never got that high again haha. I didn't get to rest on anyone's boobs for my experience though.... Lucky!!

Yeah that is very similar to my experience. I think it messes with short-term memory so much that you can't even tell what is currently happening, and everything becomes an uncertain mesh of short and long term memory and present, but it's really none of them, and you're trying to figure it out logically but it just doesn't work.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

And yes Avril Lavigne lol. She's all grown up now you know. Though I liked her as a kid too.... I'd post an awesome song of hers if I had the ability to do so right now.

Please post it when you do. I like her too. Well, some of her songs anyway. And she's incredibly beautiful.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Alright guys, truth time.... I need some opinions: LSZ or AL-LAD?

LSZ (disclaimer: I know nothing about either of them, but LSZ sounds cool).

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Taking the nipple off (what is it really called, Tommo ) and filling it from the top seemed the most practical.

Never seen that tank, but it sounds like you mean "grommit". At least that's what people call those rubber stopper things. Just best guess.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My rant is that I don't know if it's allergies, dry air or my e-cig (or all of the above) but I have horrendously dry and irritated eyes. I've also been a bit more dehydrated than usual (drinking my usual- no change there) and I've slowly come to accept that vaping causes bad breath Or perhaps it the dry mouth caused by vaping... I'm trying to drink more water because of it and see if that helps.

Yep, it definitely does. Especially the propylene glycol. You need to get aqueous glycerine, or vegetable glycerine and put some distilled water in it to dilute it.
Nicotine dehydrates you, propylene glycol dries out your mouth and throat, and glycerine is hydrophilic, it absorbs water really well.

I've had to start drinking a lot more water/tea and chewing gum. It's not going to completely dehydrate you, if you're drinking enough water every day, but it does make your mouth and throat dry, so chewing gum helps produce saliva. And yeah, dry mouth causes bacteria to flourish, (saliva gets rid of most bacteria etc.) so your breath will smell terrible.

Rant: Feel like shit still. But good in some ways.
The bitch wore a skirt today. I had to avoid looking at her.

It still pisses me off.... in fact it's probably the major reason I'm still upset about it.... that she hasn't said anything about how she feels.
It was just like "omg I love you so much" and tonnes of flirting and teasing and romance, and then.... barely even friends, and a few angry outbursts from her about nothing. And she hasn't said why, hasn't told me how she feels, hasn't told me anything.

You'd think anyone would have the common decency to just be like "I have moved on". Or.... SOMETHING.

Maybe it's karma. I did a similar thing to my ex. But that was a very short thing. With the girl at work it was intense, long-ish, and a very deep connection. I mean she said I was the most important person in her life. How do you not explain your actions to that person? How do you just move on so easily?

Even with people I'm not that close to, I still care for them and feel the need to explain myself if I think I may be hurting them. And with people I love, I definitely do not move on from them so quickly, I always have residual feelings for months or years.

Everything with personal interactions would be so much easier with honest communication.

I'm also kind of worrying myself. I'm bordering on racism with the feelings and thoughts I have regarding those Lankan girls. They sit together, don't talk to other people.... if only one of them is there, they sit by themselves.... recently if I'm there they will talk to each other in Sinhala.... so I'm completely excluded from the conversation. Yet one of them said several times to me that she wants to make more Aussie friends. So why does she intentionally alienate herself?

I've given up on her too. She's a liar. I have no time for people who lie.

As for University. It's going better coz no maths, but I'm a week behind in Chinese and Biology. I missed one lab for Biology so I don't know what to do there, and have to wait until Monday to find out. So it's frustrating. I also have to buy books and do heaps of reading. But at least I've watched all the lectures for each class now.

I'm drunk again also. Really need to stop.