Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Spoiler for What goes on inside my brain...:

I can feel you there sefalik, damn. Living life isn't so hard, there's already a planned route to take for everyone. Go to school, study (skip if you want) and work till you are 67 (at least in Holland) and then what..? You are 67, barely can't do shit anymore and now you think back, wondering about what you have really achieved. There must be something more to life than that, right? I study because it can get me a better job, and perhaps open new possibilities later on in my life. But what if I turn 40 and haven't achieved anything at all? I guess I still don't know what to do with my life... I go kickboxing two to three times a week, I sometimes draw and barely play the piano. But what does it give me, and what do I give others? I could commit myself to some goals, things I'd like to achieve but later on I will just die, so what's the point anyway. That's what I sometimes think, when I have free time.

Even when I do something I like I do it for a while, but I've never sticked around long enough to get really good you know... One thing is clear though, there are some nasty feelings I need to work out. I don't give myself a lot of time for that because I'd rather paralyze my feelings by playing video games or smoking weed (which I've actually quit since 9 weeks ago).

I still think about weed a lot, hell.. I even dream about toking up lately. Even though today marks my two months clean I don't feel a lot of improvement, but I'll just try abstaining for longer. Because it smoking weed doesn't give me anything, it just takes from me.

I want to go outside to the mountains where it's warm, with a lake nearby where I can wash myself and my clothes. Get a small mobile home, a keyboard or a flute or whatever and just spend my time in nature... alone. Yes that sounds very nice indeed, maybe I'll be able to make that a reality later in my life.

I haven't forgotten DV. I've missed you guys.

Good news! I left and it's for good.

I have my own apartment near my family and I am doing well. It has been three months since I left him. I went to a therapy session for the first time today, and I really like the woman I talked to. I won't lie, it's scary up here on my own for the first time. Everything is in my name and I have the say in everything that goes on here. I love it. So far, I've been doing really well for myself and my kids. He always told me it would be hard as a "single" mother, but I was pretty much a single mom from the start... I hate that our family is broken up, but I know that I did the right thing for my children and myself. I saw a bad situation getting worse, and it took a bit of back and forth nonsense, but I'm gone... for good.

I figured some of you might be happy to hear that.

So the laptop I had for like 7 years died (its screen stopped working, but the keyboard and sound work still!) and am using another one. And I tired to get Maplestory to work (since like no games work on this laptop) and I keep trying to run it from the website or change settings, but to no avail. I just need to quite Maple for good, nothing good is coming from it lol.

I get stuck in that mindset too, Sefalik and Athylus.. only my life is games, hulu, walk, eat, sleep repeat forever

Suena! So glad to see you here again! Happy to hear life has improved for you What's scary? Being on your own in a new place?

Neo. I've not played Maplestory in forever lol. I've just about given up games on my PC. There's just been too many problems. Hulu and Netflix run just fine though. Go figure

My rant is that I slept for friggin forever today. I went to bed at 5AM, woke up at 11 to yell at the kids to get the trash to the road... I went to the Dollar Tree, picked up lunch, thought I was good to go but fell asleep by 1:30. I didn't wake again until 7PM. All in all, I got 11 hours of sleep, but it feels like a lot more lol
Now I have a headache. I've been cleaning and organizing my room, watching Hulu, playing games on my iPad and that's about it. I'm ready to go BACK to bed. What the heck

I've STILL not had a single cigarette. I take my pack out about once a day, though and just smell one unlit

Where's Tommo hiding? And Dianeva?

I feel like my summer has kind of been wasting away. Sure, I have a summer job that helps me make some extra cash while I'm not at college, but pretty much all my other time is spent on the couch playing games on my laptop. I mean, I live in Florida, where there's hundreds of miles of beaches, Disney World, Busch Gardens, endless opportunities. But, instead, I kind of sit here and kind of just distract myself until August. I have a close group of 6 or 7 guys from my high school that I'm still close to, but we only hang out every once in a while. I miss the friends I had this year at college (which I knew would happen about 2 weeks after summer started), but they're all hundreds of miles away. So I spend days and weeks sitting around wishing I could do something, but never actually putting the effort into doing it.

This summer hasn't been that different from past summers, but more recently I've been getting super depressed if I don't get anything done. So I try to set goals of things I want to accomplish (learning new programming languages, building electronics, etc.), but then I can't find the motivation to do them and fall back into complacency. And I'm almost 20, starting what are supposed to be the best years of my life. But instead I feel like I'm wasting away, kind of just passing time until I die of old age. Yes, I have plans of what I want to do when I want to graduate. No, I have no idea how to make them happen. No, I have no idea if that will fill my time. No, I have no idea if that will give me fulfillment.

I guess long story short, I have to have a strict plan, a schedule, or something to give structure to my life, or else I go insane trying to fill the space.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I've still not had a cigarette

But curse people and there intolerance of e-cigs I have 2 trips coming up next month
From around the 17-21 we're flying out to California to see my step-son and his family. We're going to fly direct for a change, so I'll just pop a Benadyl and go to sleep for the 5 hours or so. E-cigs are NOT allowed to be used on planes. I've not found any good info about use in the airport itself. What about my lanyard? Can I wear it? Do I have to pack it in it's separate components? Now I remember one of the reasons I avoid flying It's such a hassle. Not to mention hubby ridiculously over packs. I no longer even use a suitcase when we travel. I have a very large briefcase that I can fit all of my clothes and most of my odds and ins into. One of my crocheted purses holds the other stuff.

Was gonna mention the holding your breath thing lol Not sure how good it would be to do often, but once in a while probably wouldn't hurt.
Also on the plane you could just vape slowly in the toilet or whatever, it's not gonna smell and the vapour disappears pretty quickly.

Originally Posted by Suena

I haven't forgotten DV. I've missed you guys.

Good news! I left and it's for good.

I have my own apartment near my family and I am doing well. It has been three months since I left him. I went to a therapy session for the first time today, and I really like the woman I talked to. I won't lie, it's scary up here on my own for the first time. Everything is in my name and I have the say in everything that goes on here. I love it. So far, I've been doing really well for myself and my kids. He always told me it would be hard as a "single" mother, but I was pretty much a single mom from the start... I hate that our family is broken up, but I know that I did the right thing for my children and myself. I saw a bad situation getting worse, and it took a bit of back and forth nonsense, but I'm gone... for good.

I figured some of you might be happy to hear that.

Definitely made me happy
Congratulations! And thanks for updating us

Rant: WA (a state here) has effectively banned e-cigs. The health department (!) raided this guy who was selling them, out of nowhere.
They took him to court for selling "products that look like tobacco products". He won the case, but then they appealed and won.


Totally look like cigarettes guys! Well done

So I had to get new supplies from another place. But no doubt other states will follow soon, then I'm gonna have to get everything from overseas.

Every day I just see this nanny state getting worse and worse.

What the heck, Tommo? Cigarette's aren't illegal there, right? How can e-cigs be illegal then? Stupid regulations!

Spellbee. Maybe you can call up someone and just do one of the things in your area once a month or something? Perhaps you're not *really* interested in that stuff though? It's like, locally, I could walk the College trail, go to a State Park, do lots of things... but I'd rather veg out at home because as much as it annoys me, lol, I enjoy vegging out at home more than anything else

Here's a silly question for y'all... It's been 65-75 degrees during my walks. It's currently 64. But I can see my breath outside- even when it's 70. What the heck? Aren't you only supposed to be able to do that when it's freezing? Am I running a fever or is my temp lower than normal (I guess it would have to be higher). Does humidity factor in? It's been extremely humid.
Very curious....

^^ Too much vaping!! Your lungs are still filled with it lol!!

I don't know, that's pretty weird Zhay! I swear, some of the stuff that happens to you I think is actually physically impossible or something. Must be humidity.

I'd almost believe that, Dark lol I do go crazy vaping sometimes
I actually googled it. It's a question others have had too, but I've not found a good answer yet. I'll have to ask my hubby later.

There's always a bit of fog when I'm walking because it's a little marshy on one side of the road. Perhaps that plays into it... but I see my breath even in my yard where it's not foggy (but perhaps a little hazy).
I'm going to start taking my temp before going out... but it's often 70-75 degrees in my room and I don't see my breath
Curiouser and curiouser
And what's the difference between muggy and humid? Must consult the oracle. I always think of my room as being muggy. Out in the fog, I think humid I think the word means the same thing though hehehe.

Our walk took a little longer tonight because I was sniffing out smoke. I noticed it near a Vet's office and dogs inside were barking. I've never heard animals in there before and once I smelled the smoke I became concerned. I have no idea where the smell was coming from, but it wasn't from the clinic.
Our walk's become much easier every day. I'm really enjoying them

Yeah, I think they're different words for the same thing basically, though it does feel different indoors where the air isn't moving. And in thinking about it, I'm sure I've seen my breath on hot days too, probably when the air's heavy with mist.

Googled it. Someone feels the same as I do:
"Muggy is when it is humid and warm, if it's humid and cool it's clammy.
I'm amazed at how many people are missing the difference between these two concepts. Sure, when it's muggy it's also humid, but just because it's humid doesn't mean it's muggy (think of a cool fog)."

When I think muggy I think of oppressive heat with heavy moisture. When I think humid, I think of cooler temps and heavy moisture.

But it, technically, means the same thing lol/

Originally Posted by Neo Neo

So the laptop I had for like 7 years died (its screen stopped working, but the keyboard and sound work still!) and am using another one. And I tired to get Maplestory to work (since like no games work on this laptop) and I keep trying to run it from the website or change settings, but to no avail. I just need to quite Maple for good, nothing good is coming from it lol.

Try 10 years...i still have mine working! lol my computer is like a nokia phone...it takes all the beating up and still works lol.

~Now my rant...today i had very bad dreams and with someone i don't want to think or mention of, it's been awhile since i had this but something tells me my dreams ARE trying to tell me things and that i should be aware of what's going on even though i don't know what is?....spirituality is awesome isn't it?
I will type my dream down in DJ about this.
Still loving the weather.

Wow, yeah thats a long time! I just had been going through bad luck with laptops, first I spilled water on a newer-ish one, then the old one's screen went out lol. Thats awesome yours still works though!

Yeah I get what you mean though Hathor, hell if I know what my dreams are trying to tell me . Had this movie-like part in one of my dreams, and these really abstract looking DCs kept re-teleporting into some realm/place? because they were looking for someone, but they kept teleporting into the wrong place and were asking each other what was going on. They had all these swirly multicolored designs on themselves and had shapes of humans but didn't look human lol. The place they were in looked barren and like it had no atmosphere, even though I saw some kind of barrier or light cloud cover across the entire sky.

And Zhaylin, good seeing you here again! Its been a while, and that sounds tough . Yeah just posting my little rant here, although I feel it should've been in senseless banter lol.

Originally Posted by Neo Neo

Wow, yeah thats a long time! I just had been going through bad luck with laptops, first I spilled water on a newer-ish one, then the old one's screen went out lol. Thats awesome yours still works though!

Yeah I get what you mean though Hathor, hell if I know what my dreams are trying to tell me . Had this movie-like part in one of my dreams, and these really abstract looking DCs kept re-teleporting into some realm/place? because they were looking for someone, but they kept teleporting into the wrong place and were asking each other what was going on. They had all these swirly multicolored designs on themselves and had shapes of humans but didn't look human lol. The place they were in looked barren and like it had no atmosphere, even though I saw some kind of barrier or light cloud cover across the entire sky.

And Zhaylin, good seeing you here again! Its been a while, and that sounds tough . Yeah just posting my little rant here, although I feel it should've been in senseless banter lol.

Ya, but i realise my dreams are getting more direct....like for example it would show you very graphicly and more reality looking.

Yeah, I shouldn't say that all my dreams seem random like that, as I have been getting more friends and places I'm familiar with in my dreams. They just tend to be focused more on scenery and random events, but there are times when they are very relevant.

It has, indeed, been quite a while Neo. Where have you been hiding?

My rant is that I woke at 1:40. I turned on one of my lights, put my socks on, then laid down and went right back to sleep I got up again at 3:00 and I've been pretty much eating non-stop since then
Seriously, self? Sure, I'm mostly just munching, but still...
Also, I have a bit of a sore throat. Blec. I should be doing laundry and stuff, but I can't seem to be able to get motivated enough to move.

A rave is that I had an awesome dream this morning. I don't remember anything about it other than I was doing backflips off a bicycle. I pedaled fast to get enough speed to coast, then I stood on the seat and backflipped off of it. I remember thinking it worked only because I could fly and had some bouancy (sp)

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

What the heck, Tommo? Cigarette's aren't illegal there, right? How can e-cigs be illegal then? Stupid regulations!

EXACTLY! Pretty sure cigarettes look like f$*#$&ng cigarettes, morons....
But nope e-cigs "might" be harmful, despite all ingredients being approved as safe, there's still a minor chance.
Meanwhile cigarettes kill millions every year. So we better crack down on those potentially harmful e-cigs!

Logic, such a tough thing to master.

Idiots. Y'alls tobacco is severely taxed, right? Perhaps the states just don't want to lose that revenue so they're going after the e-cigs?

I am POOPED. The dog and I walked 3 miles this morning I wanted to push for the second set of tracks, but decided not to push it... which was a VERY good thing lol
My forearms are getting a nice workout too. The dog does fairly well- exceptionally well compared to others I've had... but she still pulls. I keep the leash very tight (she can sniff the ground, but I want her to stay at my side and not in front of me). I wrap it around my hand then hold the excess with my other hand. When she pulls, I pull the leash upward and toward my chest as if it's a barbell (?). She was very rotten today, sniffing and pulling as if she's part coon dog So now I'm trying to teach her "head up". All in all, she's a great walking partner. she's already passed out on my floor.

What annoys me about my walks is that I get "Elvira" stuck in my head. My steps make me think "Oom Poppa Oom Poppa Mow Mow" Then I have it in my brain for the entire walk no matter how hard I try to think of something else.

I might go to sleep before 6AM today...
I am very proud of this last week. I've not had a cigarette and I've walked 2 miles every day except the first day (1 1/2) and today. If only I could say the same for my transcribing. I just can't concentrate. I've been bored and listless. I can't even sit through an hour long show. Yet I can play iPad games all day Doesn't make any sense.

Originally Posted by tommo

Rant: WA (a state here) has effectively banned e-cigs. The health department (!) raided this guy who was selling them, out of nowhere.
They took him to court for selling "products that look like tobacco products". He won the case, but then they appealed and won.

He won the case, and then they appealed him because he won, and ended up winning it? How does that even happen? the times I want to facepalm for meaningless legal action and raids. Just, why. Oh and found a facepalm for this occasion

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

It has, indeed, been quite a while Neo. Where have you been hiding?

College has kept me hiding . But now that undergrad is done with, I've got attention to spare on here again

Glad you'll be around here more often, Neo

My rave is that I had some DJ worthy dreams for a change. One was bloody and really messed up.
My rant is that I feel like I've been punched in the gut. And I just ate so It might be because of the corn I've been eating lately. I friggin love corn, so I bought some small cans with a (?) peel-able top. I eat it straight from the can *yummy*. I've been having 1 can a day every day this week. I also ate a single nutty bar and I should know better than to eat peanut butter and chocolate

I might be going out to eat with hubby in an hour. If we do go out, I'll get a bit of gas for free which is an added bonus lol. This place has THE best filet mignon sandwich in the world. I really hope we venture out.
I also need to do laundry tonight. I have no more clean clothes, so I cannot put it off any longer!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, remember that makeup I bought earlier in the week which I said I didn't like? I like it now. It's ELF. One was a red lip liner, the other was an eye shadow stick that's a goldish nude. I use the lip liner, then wear the eyeshadow as lipstick. It looks really great together. I actually like it more than the lipstick I've been using for the past 12 years or so!
Only downside is that it doesn't last long.

Got a bonus from work and buying a laptop. I went computer looking today and I'm most likely getting an hp windows 8 laptop.

Yeah haha there's gotta be more to life than that right Zhaylin! Jee, but you also have hobbies right? Like crocheting. But what you describe sounds like living life on auto-pilot. Which isn't necessarily always so or 100% true, but most of the things we do is just so... automatic. Like we're robots. We go to school, work or the gym on mostly set days and times because it's what we're used to and it's comfortable. Doing stuff that is outside of the normal spectrum is scary but in the end it's such a big relief.

Edit: Also, told a german girl in my crappy german that I thought she is very pretty. Her eyes sparkled for a while there, it was cute to see! And I spoke up a random girl and asked her for her facebook. Now that's out of the normal spectrum for me lol

Originally Posted by Suena

I haven't forgotten DV. I've missed you guys.

Good news! I left and it's for good.

I have my own apartment near my family and I am doing well. It has been three months since I left him. I went to a therapy session for the first time today, and I really like the woman I talked to. I won't lie, it's scary up here on my own for the first time. Everything is in my name and I have the say in everything that goes on here. I love it. So far, I've been doing really well for myself and my kids. He always told me it would be hard as a "single" mother, but I was pretty much a single mom from the start... I hate that our family is broken up, but I know that I did the right thing for my children and myself. I saw a bad situation getting worse, and it took a bit of back and forth nonsense, but I'm gone... for good.

I figured some of you might be happy to hear that.

Real happy for you, Suena. Hope you get back into the flow of things soon, that's a big transition to make. ^^

@ Tommo: lmao, that's ridiculous.

First week on the new job was good. They have given me a mac. Ive rarely worked on one before and i feel clumsy. I miss the dumb old laptop i had on the last job.