Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Blah.. I've still not slept.
But I figured out that I'm going to escape to the Farm for my Vision Quest. What's the appropriate area in DV to post further on the topic?
Beyond Dreaming or ED>Spirituality or ?

I would pick Religion/Spirituality or Inner Sanctum (probably the former) over Beyond Dreaming off the top of my head, but I guess it really depends on what all you're trying to get out of it. If you're looking for a legitimate religious/spiritual experience then yeah, that's probably where I'd go. If you're just trying to get some guiding visions, then maybe beyond dreaming... but I'd still stick to ED probably. Maybe just the main ED forum if none of the subs feel right?

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I have a big, fat bumblebee trapped in my room I turned off my lights, opened my bedroom door and tried to usher him out with a broom... and then he disappeared behind my curtain If my brother was here, he'd grab the bug and put it outside. I'm not that brave however!!

Oh god, what a horrible situation to be in. >_< I hope he leaves soon!

I agree with Alyzarin BrokeDownHeart, I do drugs alot, but I hang out with people who don't. As long as the person who does drugs doesn't try to push them, and the person who doesn't do drugs can stand it and isn't bothered by it you can have a very successful friendship, In fact I've even dated women who didn't do drugs and didn't care if I did.

I think it's more of a lack of trust in myself. I'm worried that if I start hanging around people who drink/do drugs, I'll be tempted. I'm terrified to let those things in my life in any way, because I don't know that I will be strong enough to resist them. =(

Originally Posted by brokedownheart

Sometimes it really feels like my husband and I are the only people our age who don't drink/smoke/do drugs. It makes it incredibly hard to find friends. Sometimes I think that it would be better to just accept the offers to meet for drinks or get together at a bar with people just so we could actually have a social life, but I refuse to get dragged into that shit again. I worked way too hard for my sobriety to fuck it up. Sigh.

How old are you? What's your town like?

I've moved around a lot, so I'm p. good at picking up new friends. I could give a few tips...

Originally Posted by brokedownheart

I think it's more of a lack of trust in myself. I'm worried that if I start hanging around people who drink/do drugs, I'll be tempted. I'm terrified to let those things in my life in any way, because I don't know that I will be strong enough to resist them. =(

While I do agree that what ZeraCook said can work, I was really just saying to keep looking for other straight-edge people. It's different when you've already been on the drug side before and are trying to stay clean now, I know. I've gone back to smoking weed and am planning to slowly branch out to a few other things that I don't have a problem with again, but I had to force myself to quit everything before for a good stretch of time to get rid of my really bad addictions. Being around the wrong people can definitely do a lot of damage. I personally wouldn't recommend trying to hang out with drug users again if you still feel there's any chance of that. Like I said, there are other clean people out there, just keep looking.

God damn cable company keeps tacking on charges. I just checked the bill and it turns out they added a pack of channels that we never asked for. When we switched over to these guys, we were assured we wouldn't be paying more than $121 monthly (tv, internet, and home phone bundle) but the price of the last couple bills has been slowly creeping up. The only explanation I can think of is that time I called in and subscribed to a new channel. One new channel. I think the asshat I was talking to give us a whole fucking theme pack... plus the charges for that single channel and it didn't show up in the bill until now.

Also, Indian relatives are the worst. So damn nosy.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

Also, Indian relatives are the worst. So damn nosy.

Stereotyping relatives are the worst. So damn overgeneralizing.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Feel better soon Carrot!

All better Zhay!

It was allergies after all, there's no way flu heals after a night for me.

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Why? Why do we have a member called "Banned" now? Dave why?

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My Rant: I went to sleep early yesterday because I was constantly having runny nose as though my nose was tearing. I ate too much yesterday too so I ended up waking after 2 hours of sleep. My stomach was hurting a lot and I felt like vomiting. I sat up and it felt better. And I lay down again and it started hurting all over again. So I couldn't lie down and sleep and I wasn't feeling too well after runny nose for a day. After maybe half an hour, I found a perfect sleeping position that wouldn't hurt as much and went back to sleep again. This morning I woke up with a terrible stomachache.

Another tiny rant: I was playing my senior's flash game, he's studying in a game development university, the game is so laggy it's still bugging me now. My gravity feels like I'm on the moon. Gosh, even my friend, his junior, can code better than his team. *Faints* Now I know why I don't play games anymore, a bad game kills me more than a bad song.

Yup that's me. I don't know why.

Rant: I just cleaned out my "drug drawer" for the very first time since I started doing drugs. I found 11 functional lighters. All these years, so many fucking times I needed a lighter but thought I didn't have one....

Anti-Rant: I also found ~10 hits of 2C-I.

lol Aly... but isn't it still one of the most wonderful feelings? I've thought I was out of smokes a couple of times, then I open a drawer and lol

I'll post a thread in ED eventually (just like sending out those PM's )

I finally crashed earlier... for all of about 3 hours. My son opened my bedroom door and the dogs ran into the bed. Fleas attacked immediately *RAWR*
When I go to sleep, I place my shoes on a desk to keep the puppy from chewing on them. I don't like being barefoot in my house. When I wake up, I gingerly step on the floor, reach for my shoes and so on. When the dogs aren't in my room, I leave them on the floor next to my bed.
I was SO out of it when I woke up, that I stood and reached over to the desk, lost my balance and stumbled right into sticky fly tape Then I had to wash my hair and my face/neck which woke me completely lol

I've also had a MASSIVE headache and nausea again today. It is, indeed, because of the Nuvigil. Most people usually get over that side effect within 3 days to a week. The adrenaline surges are still very present as well, but I don't really mind those yet. For some really strange reason, they're actually comforting me/humoring me.

-Saving because of possible power outage. We've already had three -

And this is more an anti-rant but GOSH my thighs are EXTREMELY sore today (in a good way). I prefer sitting on clean floors than furniture most of the time. When I was printing those copies for hubby, he keeps his printer on a high-ish end table but the only seat was an uncomfortable stool. So I squatted for 2-3 hours. I stood to place the original in the machine and to remove it, I squatted while the printer took forever to do its thing. I ended up having a very good workout And I do feel it today.

Right before I went to sleep earlier I had to relieve a certain sort of stress and then I cut myself twice. WTF. I'm triggering a sort of hypomanic response via Nuvigil, sleep deprivation and a lack of Celexa for the last few days. I wasn't sad or raging, I just wanted to FEEL more or some crap. It humors and interests me as to why I have such a reaction to (primarily) sleep deprivation.
Why am I so compelled toward such behavior? I would have an affair in a heartbeat during such moods if anyone was available lol. It doesn't seem logical to me.

Oh yeah, visitation was canceled with my youngest for the weekend. WHich means I have to cancel on my oldest daughter. I'll see them both on Thursday though.
Why can't people be open and honest? Zee had to talk to me over Speaker Phone tonight. They've not made her do that in a very long time. And then she told me we can't continue Family Therapy because of the investigation. WTH? That's when she would need it most, right? Well, they could be focusing more on HER which would be a good thing.
But once again, what tidbits of info I'm receiving just don't add up. It's highly annoying.

Oh god, I got fly tape in my hair the other week while futzing around the back of one of my boyfriend's CPUs.

Took forever and the right shampoo to get out. I feel yo pain.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Man, you consider sleep deprivation a good experience? I mean, I guess it can be helpful with a vision quest, but alone it's not nearly enough. Without throwing drugs into the mix you won't even start hallucinating for at least four or five days, and even then it'll only be small things, like out of the corners of your eyes. I suppose if you add some of that Nuvigil in.... (But that's a whole other thing. )

haha no. One time it is interesting. Never again would I try it though, just coz of effort and feeling SHIT. I'm just sayin, you'll see shit and you'll discover some things about yourself.
By no means would it be called a good experience. lol

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Personally, I wouldn't take DMT with any non-harmala MAOIs, at least not for a proper vision quest. I wouldn't smoke it either, unless it was changa. The harmalas are the heart and soul of the experience, and they're much more than just MAOIs; DMT is more like the stage for the visions to play out on. It's just colorful, mechanical nonsense by itself.

Never heard it put like that, that's interesting. I'd guess you're exaggerating on the last bit though? A lot of people have pretty literal mind blowing experiences just smoking straight DMT.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

What doses did Deery use? I've never found morning glories to be unreliable as long as they're done right. I have a friend who used to do them like every few days to a week, and I've gotten plenty of other friends to use them as well. They're actually one of my favorite experiences.

Come to think of it, she was on SSRI's, which can blunt psychedelic effects. And LSA is pretty weak anyway. So it was probably that.
I've read a heap of reports saying they didn't work at all either. Just seemed unreliable to me.

My rant right now is that I'm on 2C-I, and my body does not agree with stimulants anymore. The psychedelic effects are cool but nothing too crazy, and though there is euphoria it's kind of being pushed aside by the overstimulation. I can see why I loved it so much but I don't have the same energy I used to to keep the high alive anymore; it really does require that clubby attitude, in my opinion.

@tommo, I'll get to that response tomorrow. I tried to type something up for now but I kept going off on random tangents. >w<

Okay, so it has been longer than ten minutes since I made that post. XD New rant: I have one of those light and sound devices where you put on the glasses and it flashes LEDs behind your eyes and makes crazy light patterns, and I think it malfunctioned while I was wearing it just now. I definitely put it on the ten minute setting, which was verified when I finally took it off, but I guess it got stuck and kept flashing the lights even after the time limit ended. It has been messing up lately, but that's the first time it was like that. It's been nearly an hour and I honestly couldn't tell if it had been less than ten minutes or not, my poor ego was being torn to shreds. Fucking psychedelics.

Originally Posted by Abra

Stereotyping relatives are the worst. So damn overgeneralizing.

They immigrated from India so they're used to living in homes with three or more families, plus grand parents. They're used to being in the loop. They don't see privacy or personal matters the way we (North Americans) do. Indian parents, at least the ones around here, tend to have little networks - sort of like a block watch but instead of watching for suspicious activities, it's to keep an eye on each other. It's probably just something that generation did back when they immigrated en masse, but it isn't really needed nowadays.

If you're seen outside by a relative or a family friend, they'll contact your parents and mention it to everyone else in their household (a fair number of Indo Canadians live with one or two other families in the same home). If they're close enough, they'll stop you and ask you where you're going, what you're up to, where you're coming from, if your parents know you're out, when you'll be home, etc. If you're out with people, you still get grilled like a child. Whenever I'm with people, we try to avoid the brown neighbourhoods strictly for that reason. Hell, I met this white guy yesterday while on a walk and just as I was about to spark one, he told me we should go one block over because there were a lot of Indians in that neighbourhood. =/

Facebook creeping is a regular thing for brown parents too. One of my aunts regularly checks the profiles of her kids... and every one else in the family. Whenever she comes across something she finds unsavoury (which, to a conservative like her, is practically everything from drinking a beer to wearing a skirt), she lets everyone know. And the phone calls are annoying to: "Hey Gavin, what's going on? Where are your parents? At work? What time do they go? And come back? Oh... so did you eat? How many times have you ate today?" And then they slip in a "So... I heard you were hanging around 123 Fake Street the other day..." They'll just say random things hoping you'll slip up and tell them something accidentally. Conversations frequently devolve into investigations.

Of course there's a few exceptions but I think it's safe to say that the majority (around here) fit the bill. And I tend to think of it as more of a cultural observation than a baseless stereotype btw. .-.

Screw it, I'm awake now and that's probably not going to change for a while. >w<

Originally Posted by tommo

haha no. One time it is interesting. Never again would I try it though, just coz of effort and feeling SHIT. I'm just sayin, you'll see shit and you'll discover some things about yourself.
By no means would it be called a good experience. lol

I suppose so, but if you're really that desperate you could just take a high dose of Benadryl and force yourself to stay awake through it. (Kidding, of course, but it amounts to pretty much the same thing. Not that I have any room to talk, I used to do that on a regular basis. )

Originally Posted by tommo

Never heard it put like that, that's interesting. I'd guess you're exaggerating on the last bit though? A lot of people have pretty literal mind blowing experiences just smoking straight DMT.

DMT is undeniably mind-blowing, but I don't think that falls outside the realm of colorful, mechanical nonsense. DMT has never taught me something about myself like other psychedelics have. It's mostly for shock value. And believe me, that goes a looooong way, but it's not the type of experience you want when you're looking for a vision quest that really speaks to you personally, at least in my opinion.

Originally Posted by tommo

Come to think of it, she was on SSRI's, which can blunt psychedelic effects. And LSA is pretty weak anyway. So it was probably that.
I've read a heap of reports saying they didn't work at all either. Just seemed unreliable to me.

Oh yeah, the SSRIs will totally kill it. LSA is weak on the sensory distortions, but it is a legitimate psychedelic. It's more about the mindset and some internal visions, if you ask me. Sometimes the visuals can get pretty strong though, but it's not what I would aim for with it. It feels like LSD except with visions dominating visuals, rather than the other way around. It's also paradoxically stimulated and sedated, and flowing, like mushrooms, and unlike LSD which is rather edgy (in a wonderful way) and electric. However, you can still tell that they're similar at the core, once you've really experienced both.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

They immigrated from India so they're used to living in homes with three or more families, plus grand parents. They're used to being in the loop. They don't see privacy or personal matters the way we (North Americans) do. Indian parents, at least the ones around here, tend to have little networks - sort of like a block watch but instead of watching for suspicious activities, it's to keep an eye on each other. It's probably just something that generation did back when they immigrated en masse, but it isn't really needed nowadays.

If you're seen outside by a relative or a family friend, they'll contact your parents and mention it to everyone else in their household (a fair number of Indo Canadians live with one or two other families in the same home). If they're close enough, they'll stop you and ask you where you're going, what you're up to, where you're coming from, if your parents know you're out, when you'll be home, etc. If you're out with people, you still get grilled like a child. Whenever I'm with people, we try to avoid the brown neighbourhoods strictly for that reason. Hell, I met this white guy yesterday while on a walk and just as I was about to spark one, he told me we should go one block over because there were a lot of Indians in that neighbourhood. =/

Facebook creeping is a regular thing for brown parents too. One of my aunts regularly checks the profiles of her kids... and every one else in the family. Whenever she comes across something she finds unsavoury (which, to a conservative like her, is practically everything from drinking a beer to wearing a skirt). And the phone calls are annoying to: "Hey Gavin, what's going on? Where are your parents? At work? What time do they go? And come back? Oh... so did you eat? How many times have you ate today?" And then they slip in a "So... I heard you were hanging around 123 Fake Street the other day..." They'll just say random things hoping you'll slip up and tell them something accidentally. Conversations frequently devolve into investigations.

Of course there's a few exceptions but I think it's safe to say that the majority (around here) fit the bill. And I tend to think of it as more of a cultural observation than a baseless stereotype btw. .-.

This reflects much of what I've heard. X) One of my best friends comes from a predominantly Indian family and he always complained about this stuff when we were growing up. He was actually born with some birth defects so his parents tried to use that to their advantage (and they're bad, but nowhere as bad as they make it out to be). They even once got out something along the lines of "Remember, with your health problems even a single alcoholic drink could kill you." He's one of the biggest drinkers I know, but his parents still don't know that.

I'm a little less active here these days... i don't even read most of the topics, just scroll through them to make their bold text disappear in my subscription list...

Ah... i don't even know what i'm doing. I hasn't been out of the house in a week now, i'm just sleeping, sitting here browsing or reading my books.... Argh... But at least i'll have an appointment on Monday, so i'll go to the city finally. I just wish i could do something there other than the appointment... like do something fun.. i just don't know what and where..

Lucidity isn't going too well either. I only had one LD this week and that was mostly disappointing as well. I can't even wake up for WBTB correctly anymore...

I have so little energy or drive. These past two weeks I've been supposed to paint the house (getting handsomely paid for my time, I might add), but I've only managed to paint 11 hours in total. That's less than an hour a day, on average. Kinda makes you wonder, when you realize that this is the best I've felt in over a year and a half. Compared to that time, I'm practically bursting with initiative.

everyone.

Feel better soon, LittleZoe.

I'm awake. That's about all I can say for now lol. I fell asleep before midnight. I had some intense dreams, but I forgot most of the details very quickly
I'm exceptionally hungry lol and my brain is supremely foggy. My youngest son has been trying to talk to me for the last 30 minutes (off and on) but it mostly sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown "Waaaa waaa waa"

Originally Posted by Abra

My mom has paranoid personality disorder (officially undiagnosed, but she qualifies for 6/7 of the DSM requirements, the 7th is something personal that only she could validate--I've gone over this with a few psychologists and a couple psychiatrists), and has recently discovered Facebook. She spends 2+ hours a day looking for anything that's different from yesterday (or the last refresh) on the site, and attributes any neutral comment or action by a friend as negative (removing pictures, detagging people, other people's change in security settings, not receiving any comments on her bi-daily status updates (which are either mundane or accusatory) or photo uploads) as sure-fire evidence that her friends and relatives are lying, backstabbing, manipulative, nasty people. She then spends 3+ hours on the phone lamenting to other friends (and interrogating relatives) about their Facebook activities.

Dear God, the hounds of hell have been unleashed. And they are fat, gossiping beagles.

For some reason this was in my quotes, must've done that hours ago....
Anyway, facebook is SO SO terrible for these types of people. I fell in to it myself for a little bit, but had the sense to just use it properly.
It makes it so easy to check up on people and verify or semi-disprove your convictions about, most of the time, paranoid BS, which just strengthens the need
to check again and again. It's not healthy.

Then I deleted my profile, for other reasons.

Originally Posted by littlezoe

I'm a little less active here these days... i don't even read most of the topics, just scroll through them to make their bold text disappear in my subscription list...

That might be a good thing for you lol 1960 posts since APRIL!
You need to slow down
Not that I want you to post less, but you should find some hobbies, for your sake.

Originally Posted by khh

Kinda makes you wonder, when you realize that this is the best I've felt in over a year and a half. Compared to that time, I'm practically bursting with initiative.

haha! Oh this feel....

My rant.... I don't know whether it's worth studying another course which will take 3 or 4 years of my life to get a better paying job.
I'm thinking now I'm going to study *something* with computers (talk about changing my mind.... I've gone through like 50 different things I've said I'm going to do just this year lol), because I've been told a couple of times programming and networking etc. Basically anything computers will allow me to fairly easily get citizenship in Sweden or Iceland. And I really want to move there some day. Probably Iceland.
Thing is.... I also want to start actually living. I've spent most of my life on the computer, which is ok, but I also want to do other things.... go out, party, get laid, travel, get laid by foreigners etc.
I suppose I can still do that while going to university.... but probably rarely, or only at the end of the year.
I think I will still do that.... but.... man I should've used all my partying and promiscuity up during my youth, I didn't do enough of that.

Originally Posted by tommo

I suppose I can still do that while going to university.... but probably rarely, or only at the end of the year.
I think I will still do that.... but.... man I should've used all my partying and promiscuity up during my youth, I didn't do enough of that.

Exactly; Where were sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll when we were young? And why wasn't I invited?

Originally Posted by tommo

I also want to do other things.... go out, party, get laid, travel, get laid by foreigners etc.
I suppose I can still do that while going to university.... but probably rarely, or only at the end of the year.
I think I will still do that.... but.... man I should've used all my partying and promiscuity up during my youth, I didn't do enough of that.

Suppose, suppose!?! The best time for girls and partying is at university. You'll be fine. And you say, during your youth.... lol...... you're 22! You've plenty of time. I'm no role model, but to this day I'm still partying... why not? ^_^

I went to a house party yesterday and I didn't sleep all night, off course at around ten in the morning I basically dropped on the sofa and woke up five minutes later with over 40 shoes, books, trophees (and more crap) balanced on my back, what did i expect