Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Dig, kitty, dig deep.

Then wipe your feet when you step out.

I friggin hate geese. They're like hot girls but with annoying voices and arrogant personalities. That and they want to destroy humans. Bastards.

The batman and Gotham, no one cared who I was until I put on the mask.

Originally Posted by DriftingDreamer

I friggin hate geese. They're like hot girls but with annoying voices and arrogant personalities. That and they want to destroy humans. Bastards.

Not all geese are evil, some are really nice. Although you are right they have terrible voices.

Whenever I'm serving elderly customers, they seem to struggle to understand me. I think I've developed the tendency to mumble through my mandatory sentences, because, that's just what you do when you have to say the same things hundreds of times. Anyway, I should kick the habit that's resulting in me being misunderstood; it can have disastrous consequences.

I have that same problem. I think I just don't enunciate clearly, and older people generally grew up with people talking all proper coz they had speech classes etc.

Can't even talk to my grandpa coz he just doesn't understand unless I repeat 10 times and yell. He's also pretty deaf, which makes it worse.

Anyway.... I'm getting a bit depressed again. Don't know exactly why....

I have a pain in my colon, and I have a lymph node that is fairly large. I am sorta, kinda freaking the fuck out right now. Along with that, and the stress of becoming a "The source" express store, I'm... I'm not having a good time. I want to drink, but I can't because the alcohol seems to be making that lymph node larger. I'm worrying about something I know it isn't, but... bah. Stress is killing me, literally.

The other day my photo organizing application wasn't working. It just wouldn't update photos with changes. After a bunch of screaming, ranting and yelling at people over IRC to vent, I discovered it was because I ran out of space on my OS partition. This is how I picture the conversation with my computer.

Originally Posted by tommo

I have that same problem. I think I just don't enunciate clearly, and older people generally grew up with people talking all proper coz they had speech classes etc.

Can't even talk to my grandpa coz he just doesn't understand unless I repeat 10 times and yell. He's also pretty deaf, which makes it worse.

I have a deaf grandmother. Body language and a pen and paper works a treat.

I am really, really stressing out about my daughter's 3 year old check-up. It's not until September but I am giving myself daily panic attacks over it. I know they're going to tell me she's over-weight and that I need to be more careful about what she eats. But I know I don't over feed her or give her bad food. She's allowed to eat 1000 calories a day, and she gets between 700-900 a day. She only eats meat, eggs, minimal cheese, fruits and vegetables. Maybe once a week we'll have rice or pasta, and she only gets a quarter of a cup of it. She's never eaten fast food, and I limit dessert to 2x a week. I write down every single thing she eats, I literally have spread sheets of her daily food intake. I make sure she has a minimum of 2 hours of active play every single day. I know I'm doing all the right things. I am obsessive about it. I used to weigh her every day but I made myself stop because I felt like I was getting out of control. I feel like I'm doing all I can to give her good health, but yet she's still over-weight. I feel like a fucking failure, and the thought of her doctor confirming that makes me feel so horrible. I feel like I'm failing her, like it's going to be all my fault if she gets picked on in school or has a bad body image. I don't want her to be eating disordered like me, I don't want people to look at her and see a fat kid. God...I am seriously freaking out.

Ask for their advice instead of them just saying the kid's overweight. Give them this rant. You literally can't do anything else.

Originally Posted by brokedownheart

I am really, really stressing out about my daughter's 3 year old check-up. It's not until September but I am giving myself daily panic attacks over it. I know they're going to tell me she's over-weight and that I need to be more careful about what she eats. But I know I don't over feed her or give her bad food. She's allowed to eat 1000 calories a day, and she gets between 700-900 a day. She only eats meat, eggs, minimal cheese, fruits and vegetables. Maybe once a week we'll have rice or pasta, and she only gets a quarter of a cup of it. She's never eaten fast food, and I limit dessert to 2x a week. I write down every single thing she eats, I literally have spread sheets of her daily food intake. I make sure she has a minimum of 2 hours of active play every single day. I know I'm doing all the right things. I am obsessive about it. I used to weigh her every day but I made myself stop because I felt like I was getting out of control. I feel like I'm doing all I can to give her good health, but yet she's still over-weight. I feel like a fucking failure, and the thought of her doctor confirming that makes me feel so horrible. I feel like I'm failing her, like it's going to be all my fault if she gets picked on in school or has a bad body image. I don't want her to be eating disordered like me, I don't want people to look at her and see a fat kid. God...I am seriously freaking out.

I agree with Jookia. You're doing everything right, so stop thinking about yourself as a failure. You're clearly very concerned about your daughter and that's more than a lot of kids get. You're taking her to the doctor, so... what better place to get advice? They're not just there to tell you whether or not you're healthy, they're supposed to help you get better.

Originally Posted by brokedownheart

I am really, really stressing out about my daughter's 3 year old check-up. It's not until September but I am giving myself daily panic attacks over it. I know they're going to tell me she's over-weight and that I need to be more careful about what she eats. But I know I don't over feed her or give her bad food. She's allowed to eat 1000 calories a day, and she gets between 700-900 a day. She only eats meat, eggs, minimal cheese, fruits and vegetables. Maybe once a week we'll have rice or pasta, and she only gets a quarter of a cup of it. She's never eaten fast food, and I limit dessert to 2x a week. I write down every single thing she eats, I literally have spread sheets of her daily food intake. I make sure she has a minimum of 2 hours of active play every single day. I know I'm doing all the right things. I am obsessive about it. I used to weigh her every day but I made myself stop because I felt like I was getting out of control. I feel like I'm doing all I can to give her good health, but yet she's still over-weight. I feel like a fucking failure, and the thought of her doctor confirming that makes me feel so horrible. I feel like I'm failing her, like it's going to be all my fault if she gets picked on in school or has a bad body image. I don't want her to be eating disordered like me, I don't want people to look at her and see a fat kid. God...I am seriously freaking out.

I will also chime in and say you're doing everything you can. I'm also a parent and I totally recognize your feelings.

Stress over this issue can be bad for both of you, and can lead to increased levels of stress hormones in both of you. That in itself can lead to body issues.

Try to find some relaxation techniques and enjoy this time. Children are filled with wonders and this should be a happy time for you. Be a diligent and faithful parent (as you clearly are) but find ways to not let this issue consume you.

One more thing...kids will pick on each other over time but it's a part of learning and socializing. She will be fine there. I have found, after 9 years of dealing with my children in school that adults are far more judgemental and fucked in the head. The same goes for doctors and how they can make a parent feel.

Just continue being a good mom.

+1 to Aly, melanie and jookia's advices.
I also have found that having a few problems makes you more accepting of others. So it's not all bad.

I just had sort of a strange realization. I don't think I ever really understood before how dissociated I constantly used to be, it's like I was just naturally on PCP at all times. For those of you don't really know much about dissociative drugs, basically how they work is they separate your conscious mind from your body. They generally make it so that physical sensations like pain and pleasure are perceived but not really "registered" (like they don't mean anything and you don't react to them that much), your memory becomes really spotty and unreliable, you have really bizarre or psychotic thought patterns (really strong dissociative activity is often compared to schizophrenia), and you feel totally detached from your life as if you aren't even really human but just an observer, watching your body go through the motions. There are other effects as well, especially at higher levels, but these are some of the main general dissociative effects (like what you would expect from a regular, not-that-intense dose). They also pretty much describe my entire life until recently, when I started overcoming my depression. It used to be that physical sensations meant very little to me, my memory was absolutely atrocious, I thought really crazy things all the time (and developed my really bizarre fetishes and the like), and I felt like I was some kind of machine that just didn't quite understand how the human mind worked and so I just had to kind of watch helplessly as people lived normal lives and wonder how in the hell they did it. Like two or three months ago, when the fog was really starting to lift, I realized that I couldn't even really picture myself that well if I tried. I couldn't remember a lot of the details of my body without looking at it. That's no longer the case. Since then I've also actually experienced for what I feel is the very first time what it feels like to be human. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was an unbelievably incredible feeling, as if everything I've wondered about my whole life suddenly made sense. Normal human instincts which seemed alien to me before were clear as day. This is also starting to become the norm. Along with it my daily thoughts are starting to become much more "normal", and physical sensations are starting to become so much more significant to me. Like... I've known for ages that being incredibly depressed can cause dissociative disorder symptoms (like a less intense version of how really traumatic events can cause memory repression), but I had no idea how much of an effect it could really have, or was having on me. I'm so fucking happy that my mind and body are finally starting to align properly.

TL;DR: Extreme depression is like PCP and I'm finally coming down.

I am so indecisive that I am wondering if I qualify for some medical condition or some shit. Just the other day, it took me like 5 minutes to park in this parking lot, most of it deciding what spot to go to... I also can't think of things I am totally knowledgeable of when put under pressure. Someone asks me what some of my favorite bands/song are, and I become a "deer in the headlights" and can't answer their question. When I can't answer, they ask for just one, then I couldn't say anything at all. I scare myself.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That's no longer the case. Since then I've also actually experienced for what I feel is the very first time what it feels like to be human. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was an unbelievably incredible feeling, as if everything I've wondered about my whole life suddenly made sense.

Could you go in to detail? Sound interesting. Is it personal or just too hard to describe?

Brokedownheart
OldSparta.

Dave, I completely understand- especially that "deer in the headlights" feeling. As for parking, I would always forget where I parked, so now (for many years actually) I park in the exact same row every time I go to Wal-mart. Row 5. It doesn't matter WHERE in row 5, though. Now, I don't even have to think about it

My rant is WTF?! I went to sleep yesterday at around 2AM and slept until noon. I got up then raced out the door to visit my daughters from 2-5. That in itself went very well. I brought yarn and crocheting needles so Destinee and I fiddled with those for a 2-hour visit with my youngest (the youngest wasn't interested even though she knows how). Those 2 hours FLEW by. It was a supervised visit which was okay because they just contributed to conversations.
My youngest is depressed and is considering joining a group home when she finishes where she's at.

I got home at 6 and I was sound asleep by 6:30 EVEN THOUGH I had taken BOTH a Nuvigil AND a caffeine pill during the visit. I woke up briefly to speak with my youngest (phone call nights are Monday and Thursday) and I could barely understand her. I don't know if that's because she was on speaker phone and the kids were loud or if I was just out of it THAT much.
I fell right back to sleep and didn't get up until midnight.

Now I have to go to Wal-mart for some food. I was going to go to the Dollar Tree to pick up some things but I didn't wake up in time :/

I'm also ranting because my male bird is being VERY loud. My son says he's yelling at me for sleeping so long lol

I feel like I can't keep things straight in my head for more than a couple of days. There's so much on my mind. I'm worried and afraid and just want to get everything ready for the baby in my house and in my mind. But it feels like I'm the only one with everything on my shoulders. For instance, I'm very torn about this vbac vs repeat c-section thing, but I can't get ANYTHING out of the father who should be supportive of one or the other option. Anything, really. The whole subject is so controversial in my head. I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time trusting my instincts. I need to make this decision. The doctor keeps pressing me for it. I want to put my foot down on a VBAC, but I'm so scared that I'll end up getting an emergency c-section again and the first one was traumatizing. I'm still depressed about how it went. The hospital wasn't very supportive. They just wanted me out of the recovery room, but I was shaking so bad for days afterwards. If I were to plan a c-section, then at least I could prepare myself for it and I wouldn't have to go into labor, but it's just so unnatural and I feel like my body is strong enough to do a natural birth.

The only reason I believe I ended up having to have a c-section the last time was because my doctor made me schedule an induction (chemically induced labor) TWO days after my due date. I didn't know any better. He told me that we couldn't let the baby sit longer than a week after my due date or the baby could die. Which, now I realize, is false. I mean, due dates are only estimations and my pregnancy that first time had NO complications whatsoever. The baby would have come out in his own time. Usually mothers can go two weeks, which is a norm. After THIRTY hours of labor and after him breaking my water for me, he told me my hips were too small and gave me about five minutes to decide to do a c-section.

Now, after having this one there is that small chance of uterine rupture and that scares me but there are also so many risks associated with c-sections. I can't trust my doctor, but he's the only OB in this town. Which also is scary because I know a LOT of pregnant women right now who are right around the same due date as mine and if he's dealing with ALL of these women, then of course, he's going to try to get them on some sort of schedule. Hence, convincing me to have a c-section when it might not be necessary.

Anyway, that's not why I came to rant, but I can't seem to get anything out of the father for some feedback.

Today I just woke up feeling depressed. I don't know why, but I just feel worthless. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything anymore. I'm a zombie housewife. I have no personality anymore, no real life besides my son.

Fiancee tells me he has no plans tonight, but then I catch him pulling out a small bottle of liquor before going to his parents house to party. And yes, party at his parents house. He acts like he just wants to see his family, but all they do is drink and there's almost ALWAYS a bunch of young kids over there partying with his brother. What really bothers me about this is that we are broke as FUCK right now and he MONITORS how much money he gives me. The only things I spend money on are what we need, bath soap, diapers, necessities. Yet, he goes and buys a 6 pack of rolling rock and an individual size bottle of brandy. I don't get it.

And he doesn't tell me about it. He HID it from me. I asked him why he hides his real plans from me, why he hid the bottle from me, "well, you'd just get mad." Well, duh. You tell me we're fucking broke so I can't go see MY fucking family an hour away because we don't have gas, but you can walk to your parents house with some booze anytime you please. I'm home too much already, have no fucking social life whatsoever. My friends want nothing to do with me it seems because I've got responsibilities and can't party.

I know that that shouldn't mean that he can't go drink every now and then. He's been doing better about not drinking every night, but still, I wake up with these horomones raging and absolutely NO fucking outlet for them whatsoever. I couldn't even go on my walk today for as long as I wanted because I was just bawling the whole time. It's normally peaceful for me, but I was just so upset.

I know he's afraid to tell me what he's doing because, yes I bitch. I just wish he could understand that it's more that I am just plain jealous of the fact that I gave everything up, my whole early life for him and our kids, but he's able to keep this network of friends. Go have a good time and party. I don't understand why he hasn't left me.

I've changed so much since we hooked up.

I know his job is stressful. But he doesn't talk to me about anything bothering him, so I assume all that is on his mind is sex, video games, and his job. Anytime I try to sit down and talk about baby names, talk about getting a new crib, a dresser, things we really need, he just gives me a couple of sentences, knocks the conversation down and keeps doing what he's doing. He can't fucking discuss anything.

I'm thinking about laying it on my doctor when I go in. Tell him to refer me to a psychiatrist or something. I'm sick of dealing with all of this on my own. I have no support from anyone but my family, who are not around. If I could live up there with them, I think I'd be much better off mentally.

On top of that, I'm scared of the hype over 2012 and wondering if I'm just going to die feeling like this. Thoughts of death have been creeping up on me more often lately and I don't know what it means. I know that I would never do anything of the sort, but it's still scary to think about. I find myself mentally repeating that I want to die, but I don't know if that's true. It's almost like it's someone else putting it in there for me. I can't help but say it when I feel like this.

Originally Posted by tommo

Could you go in to detail? Sound interesting. Is it personal or just too hard to describe?

The situation that spawned it is personal. I can try to describe the feeling, though. First, let me try to put you in my old frame of mind.... Growing up, I was pretty much the perfect example of someone who was depressed to the point of being a bit psychotic. I would walk through the halls of high school with images of people around me dying or possessed by demons (or me) constantly running through my head, I'd just observe people living their lives and start thinking about human behavior as some kind of strange robotic behavior to replicate when people were trying to communicate with me, I'd walk around mumbling to myself as my logical and emotional sides actually had complete verbal arguments over all of the random things I would be thinking about (and often bump into walls and stuff because I wasn't paying attention where I was going), and I'd spend all day in every class drawing really surreal things centered around fractal imagery (and this was before drugs). And believe me, that's just a small sample from a long list.

As I've been working on my depression, those things have all started dying down slowly. However, it was really just that the negative thoughts were disappearing more than any positive ones appearing, you know? But then recently, it was just like someone flipped a switch. You know that feeling you get when you really experience a drug for the first time? That "holy shit, this is why people like weed" feeling? That's kind of what it was like for me, except it was more like... "holy shit, this is why people enjoy life"... "this is why people feel motivated to do things"... "this is why people care about sex"... etc., etc. (If you've ever noticed in the fetish thread, none of my old fetishes had anything to do with sex. They were just patterns that caused sexual arousal for me.) I always felt like I had these bits of instinctive knowledge already, but much like the physical sensations I mentioned they were perceived but not registered. They held no meaning to me, nor did anything else. It was like I could observe the entire workings of my mind from a more mechanical perspective because I had all of the data available to me, but it didn't mean anything to me in a human sense, but rather I was just searching for patterns amongst it all and trying helplessly to understand it.

When I had my recent experience it was like someone finally plugged my mind into my body, and all of these deeper emotional and instinctive feelings suddenly permeated by entire being. I had kind of a spiritual feeling of connection to nature and I felt like I needed to just go running through a field and be an animal. >w< It's just like an extremely enlightening frame of mind, like I'm suddenly a part of the human race after just being an observer for so long. It's something greater than I can fully put into words, but that's a good start.

Well... maybe someone here has seen my post about how i don't want to go on a holiday with my mom and sister (because of my sister) for 3 days, but i don't want to stay at home with my dad either...

So seems like there is a third option now.

There is a guy who i got to know from the hungarian lucid dreaming site and i talked with him a lot already, but mostly not about too important things. But 2 days ago we talked on MSN in more detail about ourselves, then i told him about this problem i'm having about what to do. So he offered me that i could stay at their place for those 3 days, with him and his girlfriend and they would be glad to meet me.

It sounds good and all, but i didn't meet him yet and i didn't even talk with his girlfriend at all... althrough he is a nice guy and smart, i've also seen videos of him being on stage in the theater and it was a funny show.
So he told me that we could meet a day or two before it, so that i could at least meet him before accepting an offer like this.

I honestly would like to go and i still like this option the best from the 3... it could bring something new into my life... i'm too antisocial anyway, it could be good meeting them and having fun But still there is a bit of fear in me about this, i don't know why...

Any opinions on this?

Originally Posted by littlezoe

Any opinions on this?

Sounds cool, just be carefull with online people, but he seems legit.

Rant: My friends are boring F***ers, they have done absolutely nothing this summer, everytime I ask them if they wanna do something they kinda moan and groan because I pulled them away from last save of skyrim. Then my best two friends are both friggin occupied. One of them has a lying bitch of a girlfriend who cheated on him more than 5 times already (It's quite depressing really) and my other best friend is having an absolutely great time in poland right now

Okay! So I got my girlfriend a jewellery box for her birthday, what do you guys think?! It's like, a really nice one, she's always saying how much jewellery she has, so I thought it'd be a good idea. Do you think it'll go down well? I know this is like a rant/rave thread, but it's become a pretty cool place for me to come for advice and shit ;3

Originally Posted by yuppie11975

Okay! So I got my girlfriend a jewellery box for her birthday, what do you guys think?! It's like, a really nice one, she's always saying how much jewellery she has, so I thought it'd be a good idea. Do you think it'll go down well? I know this is like a rant/rave thread, but it's become a pretty cool place for me to come for advice and shit ;3

Sounds like a good idea to me. I love my jewelry box, just not enough jewelry for it. >.< If she doesn't already have one, I'm sure she'll love it, and even if she does, I'm sure it will be a sweet gift, especially if she has too much already.

Rant: You'd think he'd learn by now that if he leaves me late at night angry, the next day will be shit too, because I gotta wake up with this kid at 7 am and I wake up STILL angry. I hate it, but he should know better than to expect me to be over it. Can't even wake up to watch his son for ONE hour while I go for my walk. What's important to me isn't important to him. Fuck it.