Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I just crocheted for 8 hours. WTH lol Ah well. I'm finished with my 3rd skein and I'll buy my last one tomorrow. THen what should I do

I'm exhausted. I managed to stay awake all day, but now I'm crashing in my chair.
Sweet dreams DV.

Why the hell are my lucids so failish this week? I know i didn't do much for them, but both yesterday's and the one today were short and i could barely do anything.

This is unusual for me :S

Least you're having LD's zoe

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

I think some people live their lives not realizing they found their passion a long time ago, it's just that distractions steering them into too many places dilutes the initial conviction that they thought would be irrefutable. When they realize this same passion was too idealistic, all they can do is let its purity become saturated in darkness, and become a living paradox.

This does not help.




Also spamming another space event here, you people seriously need it. It will do you good.
We're getting HD footage of fucking Mars! In real time!

Curiosity will be landing on Mars

Landing: 5-6 August 2012
10:31 pm Pacific, 5 August
11:31 pm Mountain, 5 August
12:31 am Central, 6 August
01:31 am Eastern, 6 August
05:31 am Universal, 6 August

Live streaming
NASA TV - NASA - NASA Television in High Definition on UStream
NASA TV, view from ISS - NASA - NASA Television in High Definition on UStream

Curiosity Cam - Curiosity Cam, Ustream.TV: Follow the Curiosity rover on Twitter (@MarsCuriosity) and Facebook. FAQsGet answers to some of the most common questions about...

NASA JPL - NASA JPL Live, Ustream.TV: NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory invites you to watch live and chat about everything from Mars rovers to monitoring asteroids to...

It took me twenty years to realize that drinking water makes you feel better. Different types of food also affect your mood. Apparently this is common knowledge but I for some reason never noticed this before. .-.
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My sister and our cousin work at this warehouse atm where they pack boxes for $10 an hour, 5 days a week. They asked the guy in charge if I could start working there and he says I can show up whenever. That's going to work out to about $400 a week and for someone who's never had a job before, that seems like a helluva lot to have in my bank account. I'm going to spend it all on marijuana and food; I shouldn't, but I know I'm going to. I spent the last half hour planning my meals for the next month.

The only problem is that I really don't want to go there if I'm not going to have anyone to talk to. I'll just be standing there like a goof. I could talk to my sister and our cousin but it'll be kind of... meh. "Cousin 1" has a 13 year old brother ("Cousin 2") that wants to start working there too but my sister isn't really up for recommending him to her manager. She's worried that he'll act like a jackass and it'll end up reflecting poorly on her. I'm going to keep nagging her about it, Cousin 2 and I hang out all the time so having him working there should make the job seem much less boring.
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I've noticed that Cousin 2's changed a lot since he started to burn. I found out a while back that he smokes bud on occasion and since telling him to stop wouldn't have made a difference, I started letting him blaze with me near the end of '11. I figured if he was going to smoke anyway, I'd rather it was with me than with the other kids he was previously hanging out with. At first I felt kind of greasy about it - letting a kid get high - but I think it worked out for the better. He's changed a lot, and he seems to be adjusting/growing up quicker than his friends. For the first few months he got really caught up in the whole image thing and thought it was cool that he was a stoner, he kept wanting to get higher and higher, thought he was a total badass, etc. But after a bit of talk, he stopped smoking for about 2 months.

He started again a month ago but it's different now, he knows to use with moderation and he no longer thinks it's "cool." It's just something he does when he gets together with certain people (me and two of our other cousins). He's actually more mature than his older sister now. The way he thinks and behaves, he's done a complete 180. Hell, I have a hard time remembering just how young he is - I get along with him as if he was my age.

So on one hand, I let a kid experiment with a (relatively harmless) drug. But on the other hand, he learned a lot from the experience and will probably have an easier time during his adolescence than most others would.
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@ tommo: I heard about that, definitely going to check it out. Not sure where I read it, but I think there's going to be a Google Mars similar to Google Earth. Should be interesting. :0

Google Mars? Shit, even I hadn't heard about that. Awesome!

Also, definitely a good choice to let your cousin blaze with you and to educate him. It's the best way.
As you said, he was just trying to be cool. If you'd told him to stop it would have made him think he was cooler to keep doing it.

Also, took me ages to realise that food and water thing too.
I guess drugs seem like the things that will change our mood, but we forget about the subtle things which work long term.
Obviously sugary foods are as bad as any drug (in terms of it's short lasting and has depreciating returns).
But good food with a wide range of flavours and trying different foods is one of the best things to improve your happiness.
Also high tryptophan foods like Tahini make you feel awesome and relaxed.
And yeah just drinking cold water gives you a pretty good high (as weird as that sounds).

I just looked up "you stole my rainbow" in google images and it took five pages of results to find a picture with an actual rainbow in it. Damnit why doesn't google cater to my every need.
Instead of rainbows I got this.

Originally Posted by melanieb

And you know what interests me? - Helping people and community service.

That's part of the reason why I enjoy my position here.

Community service makes me happy, whether I'm answering the same question for the umpteenth time, being a neighborhood activist to save the local school from closure or encouraging a Boy Scout to be a good citizen.

But even that stuff only takes me so far.

I discovered that I enjoy learning about everything and I specialize in nothing.

So you know what really makes me happy? It's writing.

A writer knows a little about everything and specializes in...nothing. I can do it anywhere at any time and no special equipment is required. Much of my material remains in my head.

My point is that it could take years and a whole lot of trying different things to find what makes you really happy. Sometimes the search itself reveals your passion.

Yes! I've always enjoyed helping people, but I sure can't make a living doing that. It doesn't make you money, it costs you money... so I've kind of set that aside. I think I play video games so much because I just want to be that stereotypical hero that saves the day. There's a selfless component to that where I'd do it even if nobody knew it was me, but I'll be honest here. I really want people to look up to me. That's something I kinda realized last night, that I like having my ego stroked because my own self-esteem kinda sucks. That's why even if I don't always enjoy it, I work fairly hard at work or school, to get that approval.

I like to think I'm a good writer myself, but like many other things, I can't actually make myself do it unless I have someone else setting the deadlines. If it's just for myself, I do the laziest things possible, because working hard won't get me approval from myself anyway. I'm such a perfectionist.

Enough whining now, though. Your post really did cheer me up, and I want to thank you for that.

Care work helps others. I did that. Never again. I'd like to enlighten people in some aspect, not literally wipe their arse.

It's good to try things rather than pre-judge them from afar (application over theory).... I did this with care work initially (pre-judgement), and then thought: 'fuck it, I've nothing to lose -- I might like it in the end'. And so applied myself in shit (again, literally). I stuck it out and got used to it, but never enjoyed it. Whilst I was helping people, it was in a physical manner -- that wasn't enough. In the end, I realised I wanted to help someone grow, not lessen or mediate their apparent deterioration.

Through application, you learn a lot from your mistakes.

I slept like crap last night. Fell asleep before 2AM woke up at noon. But I tossed and turned the whole time. My legs ached and throbbed and I couldn't get comfortable. I remembered a few dreams but nothing special.
When I got up, I raced off to the store to beat a wave of storms... and I bought more yarn

I don't think I'll be up for another 8 hour crocheting session though

It sprinkled a little and there are clouds in the sky. It's nice to see and smell the humidity in the air but it's a total tease. All it results in is making people here want rain more.

Sucks.


On the bright side Singularity125's post brightened my mood!


You know, I made very little money working customer service (a 7-11 clerk, my first job) but I had more fun there than anywhere else, at least on a regular basis. So many interesting people came in to the store and because I was working the night-shift people were never in a hurry.

Got a few dates from that job.

You are an interesting person.

I just feel retarded. Is that a rant?

I want a girlfriend now, but i am to shy! Once i get one, i will make her the happiest girl/women in the world! Sleep deprivation makes me depressive..

Originally Posted by Ekyu

I want a girlfriend now, but i am to shy! Once i get one, i will make her the happiest girl/women in the world! Sleep deprivation makes me depressive..

Get that bitch a flower, bitches love flowers...
No, no, just be yourself! Like, it's really simple.
1. Talk to girl you're interested, get to know her.
2. Flirt with girl.
3. Look for signs she likes you back.
4. Ask her out, make sure it's in person, it's the way too go.
5. Success > Congratulations (yaaaaaaay)
Declines > Pick yourself and move on! (There's plenty more out there.)

Dakotah and Ekyu

I am EXHAUSTED. I'm about to go to sleep and I hope to sleep all day!!
I left at 11PM to take my son to the Pittsburg, PA Greyhound station. The Garmin estimated we'd arrive at around 1:30AM. His bus didn't leave until 3:40. Well, turned out just fine because I was hopelessly lost for an hour Stupid Pittsburg with their bridges, tunnels, ONE WAY ROADS and tons of road work!!! Ugh! Now I remember why I dislike that place lol.
It would help if I didn't completely suck at directions

His bus ended up being delayed, so I stayed in the station with him and watched the bus depart at 4:30AM. It was tough, but at least he IS staying with my mom in Florida. Hopefully, he'll stay put!!

I made it home by 6:30AM I drove 70-80mph most of the way. There wasn't as much construction on my way home. I did want to stop for a nap a couple of times, but I wanted to avoid rush hour traffic even more

Finally going back to my apartment this Sunday, and I e-mailed my adviser that I'll be available for any changes and additional courses I need to take to make sure I meet the requirements keep pursuing this degree.

I just can't wait, the anticipation is killing me, and with two holds restricting me from adding classes (I can only drop/withdraw, and I dropped one genetics course because I need to take another before it), I just hope that I'm not going to to get a response of, "Based on your blah blahblabhahb, you cant' do this, or that."

I might have to take that Biology course again instead of next semester....oh god...PLEASE, let those slots be vacant by the time I go to that appointment!!!!

There's 12 spots left, divided into 3 sections that can fit into my current schedule.

And I hope the rest of the rent I sent was received, since I was $10.00 short because I forgot the renewal increases the rent 10 bucks. I'm going to call the realtors, because if they allowed me to still send the rest of the 10 bucks to them, and have my name in place to make sure they KNOW it's on its way (or already has), they can't do anything else....I hope

My Dog Has Hot Spots, I flipped on my good friends mom over my dog, I'm tired, My Houses door now locks at 930 so I'll prob be sleepingoutside all summer till I have to find a place inside, and the sun sets early. I just got 400 on Wednesday and now I only have 200. My ' Ex' Is drivingaround and I keep seeing her, whichis really pissing me off because I'm pretty sure she is semi stalkingme and she was supposed to move when she graduated but that was awhile ago, so I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. My laptop screen is falling apart from thecracks, its six and I can't sleep. I get 10 more g's in September,andI'm torn between trying to get a cheap trailer or to get a nice car plus cheap gun plus cheaptruck. If I find a cheap enough trailer I'll get a cheap truck and gun too so I can hunt and get wood for the wood furnace heater all winter.

I have terrible.... stomach problems. Ow.... And just had a headache, realised it's coz I didn't have caffeine all day and also pretty dehydrated.
So had some panadol and chai tea right now.
I was so wrapped up in Curiosity streams and all that and forgot everything else lol

Originally Posted by Singularity125

Yes! I've always enjoyed helping people, but I sure can't make a living doing that. It doesn't make you money, it costs you money... so I've kind of set that aside. I think I play video games so much because I just want to be that stereotypical hero that saves the day. There's a selfless component to that where I'd do it even if nobody knew it was me, but I'll be honest here. I really want people to look up to me. That's something I kinda realized last night, that I like having my ego stroked because my own self-esteem kinda sucks. That's why even if I don't always enjoy it, I work fairly hard at work or school, to get that approval.

I like to think I'm a good writer myself, but like many other things, I can't actually make myself do it unless I have someone else setting the deadlines. If it's just for myself, I do the laziest things possible, because working hard won't get me approval from myself anyway. I'm such a perfectionist.

Enough whining now, though. Your post really did cheer me up, and I want to thank you for that.

That's some serious self-examination. Congrats. Not many people can do that.

I don't care as much about praise. It's good, but I prefer doing something I personally find satisfying. I like it if I'm helping someone I don't know.
If someone I know praises me I'm just like "ehh, fuck off".
Not sure why that is. That said, I do like being looked up to, or for people to realise I'm better than them. Which I think is a normal ego thing.
And definitely this

I like to think I'm a good writer myself, but like many other things, I can't actually make myself do it unless I have someone else setting the deadlines. If it's just for myself, I do the laziest things possible, because working hard won't get me approval from myself anyway.

I have pretty bad self-esteem. But it does make me better than a lot of people at a lot of things. Coz I'm always forcing myself to get better coz I think I suck.
I think you just hit the nail on the head for me. That's why I have no motivation to do things....
Fuck....

Sometimes I consider making up absurd stories, just so I can get a hug emoticon from Zhaylin
Mmmmm, twelve at night >.<
Good night guys!

My tongue and mouth/throat are bleeding. Heh, damned citric acid monohydrate.

Originally Posted by tommo

I don't care as much about praise. It's good, but I prefer doing something I personally find satisfying. I like it if I'm helping someone I don't know.
If someone I know praises me I'm just like "ehh, fuck off".
Not sure why that is. That said, I do like being looked up to, or for people to realise I'm better than them. Which I think is a normal ego thing.
And definitely this

Mmm, I'm like that. For me, I tend to think it's cheap flattery used to influence my behaviour (not sincere appreciation). I think this is exacerbated because I'm quite critical of my own stuff, and so appreciation for something 'meh' makes me believe there's some ulterior motive or that the person has less than decent perception.

When you know you've done something 'great' (which is painstakingly difficult for a critical mind), then no amount of praise or criticism makes a difference. You just know it's great. And something great = you feel greatly satisfied.

Originally Posted by tommo

So had some panadol and chai tea right now.

I originally read that as pandalol. >_>

My rant is that, once again, the sun came up. It's a new day with new chores to be done.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

I originally read that as pandalol. >_>

My rant is that, once again, the sun came up. It's a new day with new chores to be done.

Do the chores with a Zen mind! It will nourish your inner being - The wise man said.





Then again, the wise man was only wise because he got other people to do work for him.

Originally Posted by Wolfwood

Do the chores with a Zen mind! It will nourish your inner being - The wise man said.





Then again, the wise man was only wise because he got other people to do work for him.

Now there's a thought. Zen mind.... Nourish your inner being.... I bet I can find people who will believe that. Thanks for the advice!

Okay, that's it, that's the final straw, it's official: Everything goes wrong lately. Everything is a complete and utter fucking mess, and I'm so mad right now and I don't even know how to react to this new addition to the clusterfuck.

So, on the 20th of July, my computer broke down, my C Drive completely fried, but I didn't give a fuck because I was gonna go on a vacation to Norway, and immediately after that, a one-week vacation to northern Denmark with my friend and his family, including a 9 year old girl, his cousin, whom I have a crush on. (Yeah, Maeni is a pedo, this isn't exactly shocking news anymore.)
So we go there, and it turns out that part of the family weren't here. We later found out that they weren't even coming, for mysterious reasons. This I found really depressing. I don't like to admit it, but she was practically my sole motivation for going in the first place. But oh well, the rest of us still had fun.

So then I got home, I sort of expected my dad to have fixed my computer, because hell, how fucked could it be? Apperantly, very. So instead I just sat at my dads laptop doing brainless surfing. At this point there were a few factors affecting me. There was this weird wistful depression-like feeling because that girl hadn't been there. An unintentional 2-week weakamon challenge probably also helped drive me mad. My room was a mess, and I actively tried to make it so because, heck, I guess I was in some kind of self-destructive mood? Maybe I wanted to visually represent how chaotic I was feeling by making my room a mess.
And then I decided to not go to bed at all, since I didn't feel like I could go to sleep at all.

So the next day, armed with sleep deprivation, my friend asks me to go training with him. At his uncle's place, where the cousin is. So I agreed. When we got there, it started to rain heavily, and he made a snide comment about my attractions that really hurt. I guess I was also nervous about meeting his cousin after so long? Anyways I sort of pussied/derped out and instead took a run on the beach and got in the water in my normal clothes.
So I'd fucked it up for myself now. Great job, me. But one thing worked out, by the evening I'd gotten a new hard drive with a fresh copy of Windows 7. Turns out that I had actually taken a backup of my diary about a week before the crash, so the data loss wasn't actually as bad as I had thought.
When the computer was set up, I went right back into the good old rhythm of not doing jack shit and being bored and drinking a crap load of pepsi max and cookies and basically just being useless all day.


Two days later, my friend asks me to go do that exercise we didn't get to do last time. Armed with a good night's sleep, I agreed. But here's where shit got really fucked up. This is where the reason why I'm ranting comes up. This is what I'm so fucking mad about:
My friend had been told the real reason why that part of the family wasn't there at the vacation. Apparently, one day before we left, shit went downhill. There's this dude, who was there the entire week on the vacation. He was with that family that day, and he'd gotten really drunk. At night, he'd slept in the living room, and for some inexplicable fucking reason, he tried to molest the girl. From the way I hear it, at least he didn't get very far with it, but certainly far enough.

I don't even know how to react to this? This is horrible on so many levels. They've gotten the police involved, but this is a downright lose-lose situation. The two families are pretty close, but whether he gets convicted or not, this will ruin fucking everything. And simply the idea of him assaulting this girl is just incredibly infuriating. And then there's the added spice that this is the kind of guy giving pedophiles like me a bad name. I would like to take care of her and be close to her and treat her nicely, meanwhile this fuckface who ostensibly isn't even attracted to kids just goes and attempts to rape her for no fucking reason.

I just... Fuck, man. Also just on a purely personal level, I'm saddened that my friend seems to not even care. He explicitly stated that he didn't care much, but that he was angered when he heard that Mr. Fuckface had called him a coward behind his back. I'd looked forward to seeing her for like a month, and I'd missed her every day of the vacation, and THIS turns out to be the reason why she wasn't there. Just... Fuck, everything. Fuck people.

Good fucking job, dipshit, you managed to make a pedophile be disgusted with your actions.

If there is a positive note, it'd be this: Today I actually saw her, and she seemed upbeat as usual, playful and mischievous and didn't show signs of being totally traumatized. I really fucking hope she can stay that way, but I know that it's, at the very least, going to be an everlasting unpleasant memory for her.
I still miss her, I saw her for like a grand total of 10 seconds before she left again. Sigh.

I also guess I almost have to include a disclaimer, for the numbskulls, that I don't want to molest her. From past experience, I know that I am perfectly content and happy with just playing with her or even just talking or basically anything. I'm not like that retarded drunkard. I'm a real pedophile and I coincidentally also have empathy like I think most pedophiles do. The guy who did this to her was probably just a regular heterosexual with no standards, lacking brains and empathy due to whatever issues he has, enhanced by alcohol.