Are you genuine in casual conversation?

[Arra]

How do you respond to questions like, "hey, what's up?" "how are you?" "how was your weekend?" when the truthful answer is "terrible" or even "mediocre." How much of an act do you put on while talking to people? In my experience, it's commonly expected, while talking to someone you don't know very well, or don't know on a personal level, to act as though everything is great, to act positively about everything. If you say something negative, it's met with a sort of awkwardness. I used to answer "good" or "fine" or "okay" to these questions, even when that answer is far from the truth. But lately I've been wondering whether I should or not, and have occasionally been telling the truth. It feels a little wrong, but freeing in a way.

[Alyzarin]

I guess it kind of depends. When someone asks me what's up, I usually base an answer on how genuinely it seems like they're asking the question, if that makes sense. When it's in response to someone I don't really know well, I usually do give at least a short description of what I'm up to, unless I really am up to "not much", which is not uncommon lol. When people ask how I am, I never say that I'm good if I'm not, however, as you say for the sake of avoiding awkwardness, if I don't know them well I'll usually respond with something like "eh, you?", and if they really want to know what's wrong I figure they'll probably have some follow-up questions. When people ask how my weekend was I take it as a more direct question, if you ask me that you better be prepared for a legitimate response. I feel I tend to answer casual questions pretty genuinely as long as I feel those questions were genuinely being asked. I don't often get involved in casual conversation with people I don't know well, though.

[tommo]

To "How are you?" I answer "not bad" or "eh" or "yeah you know....", most of the time. Which is honest, but not really specific lol Obviously if I am good, as I rarely am, I'll say "good". For "What's up?" I say "nothing" almost every, if not every time. Coz it's a shitty question tbh. You can't answer it properly because it's not a valid question, unless you're talking about a graph or something. Although I almost always say the same thing for "What have you been doing?" etc. Coz I don't know whether I should mention everything I've been doing for the day, or the past week, or since I last saw them or whatever. Someone needs to popularise a more specific set of greetings/conversation starters lol I've also thought about answering honestly, but my life is fairly boring and it would just lead to silence anyway.

[Grod]

It's small talk. Nobody actually cares about what you have to say. You're both just saying things to pass the time for a while. You already knew this.

[Alyzarin]

It's small talk. Nobody actually cares about what you have to say. You're both just saying things to pass the time for a while. You already knew this. Giving a genuine response that generates follow-up doesn't pass the time better than one-word answers?

[Arra]

My problem with saying 'fine,' is there are some people who I don't know well at all, like my boss, who treat my answer as though it should be genuine. If I say 'fine,' he'll say "just fine? not great?" or something. To which I'm stuck either saying "no, not great" and feeling like I've intruded with negativity, or lying. For "What's up?" I say "nothing" almost every, if not every time. Coz it's a shitty question tbh. You can't answer it properly because it's not a valid question, unless you're talking about a graph or something. lol yeah. I can't stand when people ask that. I used to talk to someone who asked me that all the time, I told him to stop asking that because I don't know how to answer that, but he kept doing it. So I refused to respond to it, and there would just be silence.

[DeeryTheDeer]

My problem with saying 'fine,' is there are some people who I don't know well at all, like my boss, who treat my answer as though it should be genuine. If I say 'fine,' he'll say "just fine? not great?" or something. To which I'm stuck either saying "no, not great" and feeling like I've intruded with negativity, or lying. Why should you feel intrusive if he's the one asking you all the questions? I'd say tell the truth, that you're just fine or okay, not great, and that's an easier way of letting them know than "Oh, I'm absolutely miserable, my life is falling apart at the seams". When I'm having a bad time, I tell people I'm doing "okay".

[Grod]

Giving a genuine response that generates follow-up doesn't pass the time better than one-word answers? If you often give one word answers in small talk you're doing it wrong and sound uncomfortable to be around. When acquaintances ask things like "How was your weekend?" you make a joke or relate an anecdote that happened to you or something. You don't start talking about your personal problems and grievances. People don't want to hear that when you're talking to them for two minutes. I can't believe I'm explaining to you on how to navigate social norms.

[mooseantlers]

It really depends on the person.

[Solarflare]

Yes, I am fairly genuine. But that is only because I never have to say I'm not feeling good.

[TheForgotten]

Depends. If it's someone I think would be able to provide thoughtful feedback without getting caught up in my situation, sure, I'll divulge. If it's someone who is pretty basic and probably hasn't experienced many life events in general... I'd stick to a more general and uninformative response.

[Original Poster]

When asked how you are, the best rapport building answers are fine, good, very good and great. Fantastic makes you seem intense and anything less than fine makes you repulsive. People are repulsed by negative energy so it's no wonder that negative responses are answered with awkwardness. Being genuine is good for rapport building if you're happy. Being genuinely depressed is not. It often comes off to people as though you're leaning on their ear or shoulder which is not comfortable to them if they don't care about you (yet). For this reason it's nice to have loved ones you are beyond the rapport building stage with so you can be more open. I notice I have a lot of trouble opening up to people that love me and they often have to show me it's okay to be depressed before I can open up to them. You probably have loved ones like that in your life who just don't know how to show you it's okay to be sad. Of course the problem with this is when you're sad they instantly want to know everything about your sadness and then give you some helpful advice. For this reason it's often preferable to pretend to be happy when dealing with the loved ones in your life that don't understand you.

[Carrot]

I don't really treat replying with "good", "fine", or "okay" as an act. To me it's just a neutral answer so I would save myself the hassle of explaining why my life is miserable. After all they are not keen in learning why my life is miserable or counselling me, so I am just playing along with them.

[Alyzarin]

If you often give one word answers in small talk you're doing it wrong and sound uncomfortable to be around. When acquaintances ask things like "How was your weekend?" you make a joke or relate an anecdote that happened to you or something. You don't start talking about your personal problems and grievances. People don't want to hear that when you're talking to them for two minutes. I can't believe I'm explaining to you on how to navigate social norms. You're not. And I never give one-word answers, that's my point. And how is relating to anecdote that happened to you not giving a genuine answer?

[Rezzo]

It's small talk. Nobody actually cares about what you have to say. You're both just saying things to pass the time for a while. You already knew this. This is why I give my EXACT opinion to anything that dares to walk into the poisonous hellhole more commonly known as my mouth.

[Meeps]

I notice that when I start to think about how to do casual conversation, it becomes awkward. And I think too much about it when I care too much about how well the conversation goes, depending how much I want the person to get a good impression of me. In general I answer honestly unless I don't like to talk about it, which also happens quite a lot but then this doesn't have to with my notion of "the boundaries of small talk" or something, just with how I feel... I prefer it myself when people answer me honestly. I usually don't ask the question unless I want an honest answer.

[lifeinsteps]

To "What's up?" I generally respond with whatever I'm doing, or, "Nothing, really," or just return with a head-bob or "'s'up." To "How are you?" I generally respond with a pretty genuine answer. Most recently, "Just normal, I guess. Not really happy or sad or otherwise mad."

[Marm]

I've also thought about answering honestly, but my life is fairly boring and it would just lead to silence anyway. This is where you say something like: "did you know that a full grown elephant can eat up to two hundred and fifty pounds of food per day?"

[Marm]

^Asian elephants to be precise.

[Wayfaerer]

I've also thought about answering honestly, but my life is fairly boring and it would just lead to silence anyway. That's how it is for me, sometimes I think I'm too genuine about it. I usually don't have anything to say unless someone brings up something I've been reading of thinking about, so I usually just avoid casual conversation all together. Plus the fact that I stutter never helped that much lol. I think I'll make it my new years resolution to change this a little bit.

[Erii]

Meh, what was said before. No one really cares how the other person is feeling, just making conversation.

[tommo]

That's how it is for me, sometimes I think I'm too genuine about it. I usually don't have anything to say unless someone brings up something I've been reading of thinking about, so I usually just avoid casual conversation all together. Plus the fact that I stutter never helped that much lol. I think I'll make it my new years resolution to change this a little bit. Hehe, it's one of mine too. "Don't be a pussy"

[SpaceCowboyDave]

I think alot of the time, people don't want a truthful answer and are just being "polite". When people ask questions that they want truthful answers to, I give them one.

[DuB]

Most people don't answer questions like the ones mentioned in the OP "genuinely" because it is mutually understood that the asker is almost never really interested in the answer to the literally interpreted question. When my boss asks me, "How are you doing today?", he doesn't mean "How are you feeling right now emotionally?" What he means is, "Is there something going on that is going to prevent you from doing your work today?" When I say that "I'm fine" I am simply acknowledging that whatever else may be going on with me, I will be able to do my job just fine today. There is a definite purpose to both the question and the answer, but it has nothing directly to do with feelings or moods in a literal sense. A "genuine" answer that involved listing off my recent moods would certainly not be an appropriate answer to my boss's question.

[Loaf]

How do you respond to questions like, "hey, what's up?" Usually I take that as a greeting and just say "hello" however inappropriate that may be. "how are you?" Always "I'm okay." with a nod. I'm always just 'okay' and usually not so comfortable in social situations, so its rare for me to be "great". I avoid saying "good" since everyone always says that, its very insincere. "how was your weekend?" "Yeah, it was alright, stayed at home." The truth. Nothing else to add, even if I did something amazing I'm not one to egg on the small talk.