Problem:
I can't fall asleep.
If I put an alarm for WBTB - what I do is lie on my back.
This is a sleeping position, which I always have avoided - it did keep me up all night, almost, in hospital when I was young.
But my usual position on my stomach, head to the side, so that my face is free on the cushion, and the opposite arm up.
This is not comfortable, when I am conscious of it - and I keep conscious of it because of that.
Same as on the side - if I want to forget my body - these are positions, where always something will start to nerve like asymmetric pressures.
Don't know, why I can fall asleep perfectly well in my preferred one, and okay in the second.
Maybe I should forget all technique and try to step back from my thoughts, and from forming images on the back of my eyes, or paying attention to the senses in cycles, or mantraing or what ever else?
Maybe I should just really only try to fall asleep on my back??
I don't even know, if I can - I always rolled over.
What do you think?
I have a problem with using earplugs as well - something like psoriasis only in the external ear canal..
But I guess, I will have to experiment there further after reading it repeatedly - it is never really quiet when I sleep.
I started typing yesternight - and came to describe all I got in the almost WILD department - sorry for the wall of text - but I thought, maybe you have ideas/insights/tips for me according to it.
The second time ever, I tried to WILD - within 2 min. I had intense vibrations, and the vision of an electric blue mandala hanging in space and blackness - about a meter behind my closed eyelids.
So I thought jippeee! This is going to be easy.
It was so surprising and something completely new in terms of experiences - I forgave myself for jumping up, after they had diminished to tell my husband.
Little did I know, that all following attempts over the last months would have to get re-defined as only WBTB with various approaches, which sometimes yielded DILDs.
But I was lazy with - basically everything else.
So lately I did a bit more daytime things - and as you know, I had an alarm non-LD to LD DEILD, which felt a bit "wildy" (on my stomach).
There was a peaceful blackness and scenery appearing - not seamlessly like the two LD DEILDs I had, it appeared like through a camera-seeker, an oval, half a meter times one in etwa - and then it all snapped together with me in it.
No vibrations, and I didn't try to move of course.
But shortly afterwards, lately - a normal WBTB WILD try yielded for the second time these curious vibrations, without visuals.
Despite being aware of the fact, that HH is not the destination - it gave me fresh hope!
Both these times, where I got vibrations, I had just been looking for and finding movement and bit of colour and patterns on the back of my eyelids..
Despite writing it so - in hindsight - this second time, they just faded away and left me awake - not excitement really.
Then something else happened one time directly at bedtime some days ago, and weeks before there was the same thing in WBTB.
I didn't have these HH/HIs, but from almost nothing, very intense vivid scenes turned up, also not "whole screen" - but there was such a strange emotional/bodily reaction connected - I sort of violently bounced away from them, after feeling a strong surge towards them.
Repeatedly.
Like - I always had to start over again for a minute - I was making colours and shapes and movement appear - but nothing nice - messy weird, swirly - and then they flashed up - 5 times - always a different scene.
And every time, I thought now I am psychologically/mentally prepared - nope. Was not. At all.
Completely different sort of excitement - not novelty or fascination - it was sort of physical too - around the chest, more like maybe what bliss means.
But then - is bliss not supposed to lie beyond the purely emotional concepts of positive or negative?
I felt something positive.
My from-non-LD-DEILD also entailed a scene appearing and engulfing me - but that was really peaceful, and really did take me on.
Maybe that emotion simply was the W in ILD, instead of the DE as in DEILD?
I came to latch on to one of the several interpretations of these ongoings, which Sageous presented -pointing towards me having gone into a nREM WILD. While writing this here, though - it "sounds" more like a normal WILD fail?
But directly going to bed?
I'd like to know, if you would say, these two vibrational instances, and the other two with these bounces - are they basically the same, or rather is one maybe nREM?
Sorry again - I should have sorted this out better and compacted it..
|
|
Bookmarks