Hopeless Wanderings

Lately 90% of my dreams have been super emotional, like about suicide or murder or just... emotional things.

Not sure if these dreams connect but first I was pet-sitting dogs with my mom and then I was a little girl(not myself) and fed up with life, or something. I don't quite remember what led me to this, if it was the shitty pet-sitting or what, but I went to a cliffside and decided to jump off into the water. I woke up in the hospital and realized my body was half metal. The doctor had saved me, but with a cost. My mom(not my real mom, the little girl's mom) was with me. My body felt foreign and weird and it was hard to control it. Months, years went by as I remained trapped in the hospital.

One time, I had to use the bathroom. This is gonna sound gross, but when I tried to go it was like.. it sprayed everywhere because I couldn't control my new body. Yeah. Anyway, when I left the bathroom stall I saw Ashley from Revenge and some fine-looking man. I realized I was dreaming. I wanted to attempt a TOTM but I couldn't think of what it was, I only remembered the one from last month, which was to ask for a joke, which I didn't do. Ash started talking dirty to me and then I ended up with the guy.. yeah.

So then I have a flashback to when I jumped off the cliff, but this time I notice that my doctor is there, and he's the one that convinced me to jump. So I realized it was his fault all along that I ended up half-cyborg. He wanted to experiment on me so he made me do this. I was pissed. Also, during this scene, I was an observer, and I saw myself try to jump off the cliff and a boy(maybe 14 years old) try to stop me from jumping and it made me smile.

Then, I was back in the hospital with my mom and she was annoying me. I shouted at her, "It's almost my eighteenth birthday(wow I was in there for a long time)! Go away!" implying that once I turned 18 I would have nothing to do with her.