Hopeless Wanderings

My first dream involved my long lost brother, who was in a school shooting(he was the shooter) and we were dealing with the consquences.
NOTE: this is at least my 3rd dream involving my "brother". In ever dream he has something tragic happen to him. Also note: I don't have a brother, and never have, but my dad was a sperm donor, so these dreams really make me wonder...

ok, so this LD lasted SO long, it felt like HOURS. But there was so much jumping around that sadly, I've already lost most of it.

I was in some place, realizing I was lucid, staring at the wall to stabilize. Then I spun to stabilize more, and that's where the adventures begin. I went outside and looked at the stars, they were so bright that I wanted to be in them, so I jumped up once, but failed to get anywhere, the second time I jumped up and I went so high, into the universe. The earth became small and I zoomed past constellations that were lit up and connected by lines so I could see. I was going far from earth, and I realized I didn't want to be stuck somewhere in space, so I flew back down so I could see earth, and decided to fly down to Bondi Beach, Australia.
what did I do then you ask? Well, I went in the water and started drowning so that one of the hot lifeguards from the tv show Bondi Rescue would save me! And sure enough, one of them came and rescued me, and it was epic. The things I did after that I either want to keep private or don't remember enough to tell, but the lucidity lasted A LONG time. I tried to remember my goals but failed on that part.

A student discovered a new planet, we were teleported there. It was bright and colorful and beautiful, but was also inhabited by some creatures that looked like people. "wow, so there IS life on other planets," I thought. At first we were being careful exploring this planet, and some of the creatures would try to attack us. A bunch of stuff happened that I don't remember and led to ME singing on stage with Christina Grimmie and, eventually, the queen of England joined in! Whaaaaaat. It was a great moment. We were all belting out "Let It Go" from Frozen.

I started taking a new medication and it causes me to sleep like a rock, which has caused some scary and weird experiences.

The other morning, I realized I was dreaming. I was in my room and I wanted to wake up. I tried, and couldn’t. I was laying in bed shaking and screaming. I fell off the bed and banged my head on the lamp side table. On the ground I was thrashing around SO hard and finally woke up, making a startled noise IRL which caused my boyfriend to notice.

The next morning, it happened again. I was stuck in a dream. But this time I used to to my advantage, and decided to LD. I held my hand up to summon M, and it worked but she looked different. It was a young woman with reddish brown short hair and a scarf in her hair. I asked her “does the dream mean anything??” And she replied “you’re crazy if you think it means anything” and started laughing. More people from the show joined in with her and started taunting and laughing at me. I was furious and knew that this wasn’t really M.

I haven't been on my dream recall game lately but today I was smacked with a couple lucids during a nap. I think I might have gotten lucid a total of 3 times, but these are the two I remember the best:

I was napping and kept going in and out of sleep, or at least that's what I thought. I was pretty much aware the whole time that I was dreaming. So, in this dream I was standing in a cafeteria at some kind of workplace or something, looking at a microwave. I realized, "hey, I'm dreaming, I have to remember this." So, what to do? I looked around the cafeteria and there's a door open and outside is an ocean and a beautiful, fake sunset. I contemplate flying out into the sunset but figure I'd done that enough, so decided to try to summon M. I stared at the back of a lady's head and focused. When she turned around, it was just some old woman. So, I tried to summon Andrew. I focused really hard with my hand out in front of me and made him appear, but his face and body were so glitchy I could barely tell who it was. Then I lost it, and I "woke up".

I heard music coming from down the stairs, and I thought it was my grandpa playing music. Then, I heard music coming through my ears. It was the Avett Brothers. I figured I must have fallen asleep with my headphones on, and was annoyed because I thought it would be hard to sleep with the music, even though all this itself was part of a dream. I "wake up" in my bed, know that I am dreaming. I go down the stairs and see my grandpa sitting on the couch, but decide to ignore him. I think of what my dream goals are, and remember one of them is to build something. I think about building a bridge on the lake but it's too far away and I'm scared I'll wake up trying to get there. So instead, I crouch on the floor and put my hand out. I focus hard and make a toy wood log appear. I decide to make a toy log house. I get the base down, but can't get any further before I wake up for real.

Even though I'm not recording my dreams on the daily, I feel like I'm getting better at being more aware while dreaming.

E. I was in this park, there was this black picnic table and this guy named.. Justin? He seemed like he needed help. So I went over to him and asked him if he was alright. He said he was completely fine, nothing wrong with him. There was a black journal notebook on the table. I picked it up and screened through it, looking for a note. But all that was there were complex math problems. I just got the feeling that soon he would not be okay, so I told him that I would be around, and he can call me any time. I then flew upwards, swimming towards the sky.

In a fragment, I was on a tall ledge inside some kind of mall or building. I was there with Brittany, my mom, and Brittany's mom. All of a sudden, both of our moms jumped off the ledge. For a second I felt like time stopped, my mom was dead, my life was over. And then I realized, hey, this is stupid. This is a dream. So I walk away to go do something fun but lose it.

Nice to have a couple LDs since I've been having trouble with this lately, even if they were short.

I was suddenly getting married to my boyfriend. The whole thing was set up in no time, on the upper floor of some building in a city. I was in my wedding dress facing my boyfriend, red roses in my hand. I was thinking, "I didn't even get to walk down the isle, or plan anything for this wedding. It's just happening. And what's up with the red roses bouquet?" So, in no time, we are "married." He goes in to hug me and I'm thinking, what are you doing, we're supposed to kiss. So I kiss him, and everyone claps, but its a pathetic kiss, so I kiss him two more times followed by more clapping. I realize he didn't even give me a ring, so I make a mental note to search for the cheap ring he gave me earlier in the year somewhere in my bedroom(in RL he actually found it on the ground somewhere lol). So, we're married. I'm standing next to the big windows that look out onto the city next to my sister and the dream starts fading. That's when I realize, this is a dream. I decide to ditch the whole scene and fly out through the windows and over the city. I see two buildings where there are people standing on top of them. I am searching for someone or something to do. I land on one of the buildings with the people, I can feel the dream being unstable. The people are acting like they're at the beach, playing in the sand, and there are kids, but they are on top of a 70 story + building. I don't find what I'm looking for and wake up.

I think this was another DEILD. I am in my old house, I go outside. It's night time. I thought flying was fun in the first LD so decide to do it again and get somewhat high but then wake up again.

Nice to have a couple LDs since I've been having trouble with this lately, even if they were short.

I was suddenly getting married to my boyfriend. The whole thing was set up in no time, on the upper floor of some building in a city. I was in my wedding dress facing my boyfriend, red roses in my hand. I was thinking, "I didn't even get to walk down the isle, or plan anything for this wedding. It's just happening. And what's up with the red roses bouquet?" So, in no time, we are "married." He goes in to hug me and I'm thinking, what are you doing, we're supposed to kiss. So I kiss him, and everyone claps, but its a pathetic kiss, so I kiss him two more times followed by more clapping. I realize he didn't even give me a ring, so I make a mental note to search for the cheap ring he gave me earlier in the year somewhere in my bedroom(in RL he actually found it on the ground somewhere lol). So, we're married. I'm standing next to the big windows that look out onto the city next to my sister and the dream starts fading. That's when I realize, this is a dream. I decide to ditch the whole scene and fly out through the windows and over the city. I see two buildings where there are people standing on top of them. I am searching for someone or something to do. I land on one of the buildings with the people, I can feel the dream being unstable. The people are acting like they're at the beach, playing in the sand, and there are kids, but they are on top of a 70 story + building. I don't find what I'm looking for and wake up.

I think this was another DEILD. I am in my old house, I go outside. It's night time. I thought flying was fun in the first LD so decide to do it again and get somewhat high but then wake up again.

my sleep patterns have been all kinds of messed up recently, so while I'm trying to fix that here's a short, sweet entry:

I was being chased by this person in this maze of a thousand rooms. Each room was completely different from the previous, and it was actually pretty cool. I was going so fast, opening a new door that would lead to a new room each time. I stopped in one room, and there was a table with a bowl on top. This is when I kinda had to take a poop, and I sorta realized I was dreaming. I thought to myself, "hey wouldn't that be funny if I took a shit on this fancy ass table?" So I got up on there but I think I woke before I did the deed.

I'm with Allie P. and I'm trying to buy sushi but my wallet is missing, so I ask Allie if I can borrow some money, she gives me her credit card. I sit at a table and there's a bunch of scary looking dolls. I'm trying to count some foriegn money and put the dolls together to pay her back(idk).

I'm at a camp, might be a prison camp but not really, and I'm standing by a large pool and some guys. One guy kicks my pen into the pool and I get angry so I push him into the water, but he sinks to the bottom, pushes off to the top to get air, sinks again, repeat. I realize he can't swim and it's 20 feet deep. After awhile of this I know I have to save him even though I'm scared of the water. I jump and and save him and everyone cheers. Then, it becomes a game. People start fake drowning and whoever can rescue their person the fastest wins. I played one round and won.

Someone at camp had plans to kill another camper and then herself. Somehow I knew this but no one else did. T was there, watching or something, I don't remember. I go into ES mode and I follow the girl. I sort of know that this isn't really happening and I want to make it more interesting so I turn on my iPod to the song Car Radio. The guy that the girl was after was now hanging from a fence, blood dripping down his mouth. I go up to him and say, "Listen, everything is going to be alright, ok?" and he nods. I want to talk to the girl but I don't know what to say.


thinking: maybe T was watching for a reason, like I was trying to figure out what to do and what to say but didn't know and she knew. hmm..

T is dead IRL and I have been trying to summon her so it was surprising that she showed up in this non-lucid.

Just a fragment and some short dreams but really trying to work on dream recall!

-in the mountains, beautiful mountains

-I was at a Taylor Swift concert, I got front row. TW was singing and, at one point, held onto my shoulder and sang to me. I was sooo happy and was thinking, "if only I could have gotten a picture with her, but oh well, just this memory is enough!" and then she went back on the stage and started singing a song by another artist.

-there was a group of kids and a male swimming instructor. All the kids were black girls and had matching hair and bathing suits. The swim instructor told them to do front flips into the water, and one by one they did, except for one kid who wanted to show off. She got a running start and jumped so far she ended up reaching the ledge on the other side of the pool and crashing into it.

Happy New Year!! I got a great start to mine - a nice solid lucid!
For the past week I have been working hard to try to lucid dream and remember my dreams. It's starting to pay off! though my dream recall still SUCKS.

early dreams:

I was in the mountains. It was so incredibly beautiful and I wanted to move there but things kept holding me back and I was so sad about it. I wanted to stay in those snow covered towering high mountains forever.

I was in caves. I was lucid and and excited. It seemed to last awhile and I let the dream take me wherever, part of which I remember crawling through caves. Eventually though, I lost the lucidity and the caves became scary.

My boyfriend woke me and said goodbye and went off to work. I knew I had to try to fall asleep so I could get a lucid in!

I was in my old house with my parents, sister, and grandpa. It was painted all white and empty except furniture. Everyone was sad and stressed for some reason. My sister was eating something like trail mix, she started choking and I said, "are you ok??" and she says, "no" but I realize she is fake choking. My dad says something like, "she just wanted you to practice your emotions." WTF. I was angry. I stormed off to my old room and there I find my mom, smoking a cigarrette, and my grandpa on the floor with his eyes closed, he looked dead but wasn't. I say, "hey, I need a cigarette!(neither of us smoke IRL) and take it from her and take a huff. Then my sis comes in and joins.

I am in my bed, which is kind of like a bunk bed, and start going to sleep. This is a dream itself though, and my mom is walking around. I try to block her out, close my eyes. I get warped into a new dream, I am standing in the living room. It's night time and I'm staring at the giant window that's decorated in xmas decorations and a bunch of lights. I focus on one to stabilize the dream, and it works. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to stay inside so I go out into the night. I notice a few things, like the tree in the front yard by the driveway, a giant blow up snow globe santa thing, and on the street two cars are parked. Standing by the cars are two girls, around my age. I walk up and see they are digging through stuff in their cars. I stand in front of one of the girls. She has blond straight hair, with smokey makeup and long earrings. We start dancing and a song blares in the background, it sounds to be a young but seasoned singer and I try to remember the lyrics. "Desire is a compassion burned fire" We dance and it's amazing and then we KISS and it's fire. I decide to wake up after this because I thought my mom had been waiting for me to wake up, even though that part was just a dream. I wake up in my real bed.

Recently I've been trying to get back into this. I know I say that every time. But it's almost a new year so thought I'd try. Here's a lucid from a few nights ago

I was dreaming, I "woke up" on the couch in the living room, which is where I was in RL, and thought I'd try to LD. I thought I was awake, so I "fell asleep" and went right into the lucid. It was night time. I was in the backyard of someone's house, and there was a tent in the middle of the yard. Right away I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to see someone who had recently passed away, DR. So I asked her to appear, as I walked around and around this tent. There was this miniature doll like house that I considered going in to explore, but decided to stick to the plan. It wasn't working, so I closed my eyes and pictured her standing in front of me. I opened my eyes, nothing, then I woke up for real.

Hey dream journal, old friend.

I was in my old neighborhood, walking up to my old house. I had left some of my clothes and things there and asked the male owner if he would let me in. He agreed. I went to my room and there was so much stuff left behind, I didn't know how I would get to it all. But then I noticed beneath me was the wife of the new house owner, and she was dead and curled up in some floorboards. She had killed their daughter. Then, the scene changed. She was alive, but deeply regretting her life. We(this is when I sort of "became" her) were on a tall tower in the heart of the city of Mke. We were trying to run up to the top to jump off, tears streaming down our face. That's when T showed up. I don't remember if she said anything, but she disappeared and that's when I closed my eyes, still sobbing, and begged her to come back, "please, please, T, I need you."

I'm wondering if dreaming of leaving things at my old house has something to do with missing my past and the neighborhood I grew up in. Like, a part of me still lives there. As for the rest of the dream, I have no idea.

I'm literally listening to sad music right now and it's making me want to cry because of this dream.
NOTE: I don't have a brother and never have had one.

I was in my old house with my mom, dad, and sis. We got the news that my brother had passed away, in something like a boating accident or military accident. I completely broke down and cried. I went into his room(his room was in the basement), looking around at his things. I wanted to find a shirt of his to wear, to smell of him and remember him, but I could not find one. I looked through all his drawers and I couldn't find a single shirt. I was desperate to find something, anything that reminded me of him, all while I was sobbing and falling apart.

This is the second dream I've had of my "brother" dying. Makes me think... did I have a brother in a past life or something? Why would I keep dreaming of him passing away?

<3 love you, brother.

Just a short entry because I'm lazy, but I thought this was quite funny, and random, and I hardly ever post dreams that aren't super depressing/disturbing.

I was in the mountains, and there was a Dominos. I ordered myself a pizza, and while I was eating it, a lady came up to me and told me I was the lucky winner, and that I won $13,000. I was so happy I started crying. A little while later, the same lady came up to me and said, "Sorry, actually you aren't the winner" and someone else got the money. So then I started crying again, sad tears. The end.

I felt funny. This was definitely a dream. I was in a huge empty room with white walls and plain grey pillars. There was a ledge, and on top I noticed a woman. "It's M," I thought, attempting to make her appear. And it actually worked, it was her. She climbed down from the ladder. Her hair was long and wavy, a shade of reddish brown. She was wearing a white top and light blue pants. Desperately, I asked her, "WHAT DOES THE DREAM MEAN?!?" She replied with, "Re-birth." I said, "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??" and she replied with something I don't remember, but I didn't understand her answer at all. I looked down and noticed she was pregnant. She said one more thing that I don't remember and then I lost the dream. I then had sleep paralysis. I tried to move but couldn't, but remained calm because I knew what this was. So I just kind of laid there until I was able to wake myself up.

Notes: Well, Okay. This is the closest I've come in years, so I suppose that's progress. But what does "re-birth" mean? And was that really M? She was pregnant so that doesn't really make sense.
I want to try again in my next lucid, but this time go to the actual place of the dream, my old home, on my driveway.

I was in my aunt's house and this lady was super angry with me because she thought I did something(like disrespect her dead husband or something). As more time went by, she started getting furious. She started taking my things, my phone, my clothes, and putting them in the room where she was. She was turning evil, and it was freaking me the fuck out. So I ran out of there, down the street. I saw a sketchy looking guy and said, "PLEASE, CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE? I NEED TO CALL 911 RIGHT NOW" and he gave me a weird look, said "sure" and thew his phone at me. It was a Samsung and I had no idea how to use it(things are difficult in dreams, okay?) I realized that he had stolen the phone and was trying to get rid of it, so I didn't touch it. I kept running until I saw a man, Hurley from Lost, in a convenience store. I said, "CAN I BORROW YOUR PHONE??" and at first he said no, so I said, "PLEASE, I NEED TO CALL 911. YOU CAN EVEN DIAL IT FOR ME" So he dials 911 but lets me press "call" and at first I hear static, then a woman's voice. "HELLO?" I say, my voice shaking and scared. She says something like, "It's okay. I understand what you are going through. You'll be okay through this." Like what? I didn't even tell her my problem! So anyhow, I told her but then woke up.