A few people have PM'd me asking about my dreamwalking experiences. well I have compiled a story of my experiences. it thouroughly explains Why I stopped doing it. I would appreciate no one else PM'ing asking about it.
At the time I was reading Carlos Castaneda - The Art of Dreaming. I was following the guidelines he layed out in the book which he called "The Gates of Dreaming".
After Finding my hands in my dreams a few times but not having any solid lucid dreams. I sought out some forums. 1. I found based on toltec nagualism, Where a self proclaimed Nagual was hosting a shared dreaming thread. 2. Was a website called Dreamviews. Which deals with mainly lucid dreams, and excludes much of psychic dreaming and shared dreaming. On the nagual Forum. It was set up so that users invited to the forum were to post on a thread declaring their Intent to dream with the rest of the group.
The statement was simply "I give you permission to dream with me" Everyone else would acknowledge with a "Welcome you have my permission to dream with me". Now, I'm not sure wether it was the Naguals psychic energy (which he had in surplus) or the collective intent of the group that allowed the dreamsharing possible. I Have tried with others since, but with minimal dream synchronicity. Anyway, on one particular month The entire group decided to meet on a beach in their dreams. That month nearly Everyone had a dream of meeting the Nagual on the beach. Everyone saw him as a blond man with a medium build, he was older looking but young at the same time. Also during this time, i had set up a dreamsharing experiment of my own with a girl from the Dreamviews forum. WE both made the declaration of intent as well. In a bit I'll share the beach dream I had.
But first I'll explain what was happening at dreamviews (DV for short) at the time. I befriended this girl DV and started an experiment with her. In the first week I dreamt I was lost in calgary, for some reason my attention was drawn to a yellow truck. it was flopping all over the parking lot. It almost seemed to be alive. A few nights later the girl (Which I'll call 'x'" i was trying to dreamshare with had a Lucid dream that was cut short because she was distraced by Yellow Trucks. A minor Synch. BUT in the next week the synchronicites were increased.
I would have a dream about a Dog or a wolf, then she would dream about a dog and a wolf. And on the night that I had my beach dream, she had a beach dream with the same blonde man. Here is the beach dream i had. Take note of all the dreamsigns.
Quote:I became lucid. the dream suddenly felt real. i opened the door to the outside and realised that i actually feel with my hands the texture of the door. I excitedly ran up to a huge window and just spent minutes just feeling the window and admiring how REAL it felt. i could even differentiate between hot and cold and where peoples breath had warmed spots on the windows.
I suddenly woke up on a beach. i looked around stunned, this wasn't my apartment. but it looked like somewhere in southern ontario (i've never been south of mississauga so how would i know what southern ontario is like?) the sand was about 5 feet away from a 4 ft high sandcliff. past the cliff was grass. i looked to my right and in the distance i saw some people coming. i climbed up the cliff and it seemed the cliff wasn't solid. but i managed to make it up. i found a path that looked like it hadn't been used for weeks so i tried to walk along it. further in the grass i saw a brown dog or wolf prowling. he was running in circles chasing something. he looked freaky so i jumped back down the cliff so he wouldn't spot me. The people i saw earlier were a few minutes walking distance away. Perhaps i could ask them how to get home from here. but i tried my luck and climbed back up the cliff almost falling down again. i didn't hear the wolf. so i started walking.
I spotted him AGAIN. and he seemed really angry i knew if he spotted me he would take his anger out on me. i went back down the cliff again. The people were there. there was a man that appeared to be in his early 30's but his maneurisms were that of someone much older. He had a light medium build, with short blonde hair. with him was a stunning blonde woman that seemed to be his wife. they sat down a few yards away. i think they had children playing in the distance but i payed no attention "'scuse me" i said. "This may sound strange but i was dreaming and then i woke up here! WHERE the hell am i exactly?".
the blonde woman ignored me but the man gave me a scrutinising look and said. " HUH? son! how could you NOT know where you are". he then smiled and laughed. "dreaming and then woke up here?!?!?" he laughed again.
"Uh yeah, i was having the most amazing dream and then i woke up here. And i don't know where here is..." - end Quote
On the same night X had a dream on a beach with the same blonde man, with a different woman who asked her to look after their kid. So in essence, We were both in the same dream. She was just down the beach in my dream she appeared as a child looking after the other kid. After the nagual left them alone he then walked towards me where we had my embarrassing convo. some specifics were different - In her dream the woman was brown haired adn the nagual had a slight beard. In my dream she was blond and the nagual was clean shaven. Both of us had concluded it was the same man and the decription of the beach was the same. And for some reason the nagual had decided to keep us separate.
This is where it went downhill: Due to the experience I gradually became obssesive about X. And, since she was only a 3 hour drive away, We both thought it possible to meet someday. So, I decided to consult an elder woman on the nagual forum and told her all about what was happening so far. She told me, that me and that girl were akin to family in a past life. That's why it made it so easy for us to get dream syncronicities. So, that added to my obsessiveness.
For two weeks my dreams went downhill. Our dreams would still synch. But I also got very vivid dreams of meeting x. And whenever I met x in the dreams, she seemed to be evil and had little respect or friendliness towards me. In one dream she would insist i buy her treats and stuff and then run off in a limo. (Limos were also a common dreamsign in X's dreams. she was usually picked up by her dream lover, which i suspect was some astral entity with the mindset of "3rd density girls are easy").
But also sometimes the dreams were wonderfull. We would both send messages on dream TV.'s (another shared dreamsign) she would write love letters to me. I should also mention I saw ehr face in a T.V. screen before i actually saw her picture. My heart skipped a few beats when i saw her picture and saw it was the same picture from my dream.
On Retrospect. Our higher selves were trying to connect on the astral plane via dreaming. I think that the times i really did view her dreambody (or astral body) it was always with a barrier we both had to overscome. ie The nagual keeping us separate on a beach, and being behind T.V. screens. And the times where I thought I saw her, was either my unconcious manifesting my fears, or Some other Entity feeding off my energy since I exerted so much when she was on my mind (hey, Free lunch). Unfortunatly I interpreted the Negative Dreams as her real Higher self .
To make matters worse I would dream Of standing over her bed - Then she would wake up in the night feeling a presence in her room. As the weeks went on I became more obssessive about her - Wishing I could overcome the barriers and find out what was the truth. I would like to say right now that I have never stalked anyone or would ever dream to. But slowly the obsession began giving me thoughts and urges that were terrible towards her. I knew if I kept up this and, If i were to give in those urges, I would become the very thing I would most fear. I came to the conclusion that I could not allow for that to happen so I decided to quit the experiment and stay away from her.
Around the same time I had lent her the Carlos Castaneda book of dreaming (This will be an importance piece later on). Anyway, To end the experiment i would need to reverse my intent to dream with X. I ended up doing a mock sorcery spell. In one of the CC books a Nagual tells carlos to write his notes with his fingertips instead of his pen - As it would be the perfect 'not doing' for him ("not Doing" Is a Shamanic way of briefly getting into a higher conciousness state by deliberately doing things backwards. ie putting on your left shoe first instead of your right shoe first.) So i wrote on a piece of paper with only my fingertip something to the effect of "X no longer has my permission to dream with me" I then took it out to my balcony and burned it, waving all the smoke up into the air. I then emailed X my formal goodbye, not really explaining why, but making it clear it would be a good idea for her to stay away. She still emailed me back thogh saying, she had a dream of watching a TV screen with a beach. There were words scrolling across the screen saying "Stay out Staw away."
I then consulted the elder lady from the nagual forum again, Telling her what had just happened. She told me to at least try to explain to X what happened adn to apologise. So i tried to. But X stopped responding to me (just as I'd wished earlier.) I guess by then she was percieving me as being what I had feared before of becoming. Over a 6 month period It didn't get any easier. Almost everynight before bed, just when i was on the verge of sleep, X's Avatar would flash into my mind jolting me awake. And when i dreamt She was always there taunting me (The dream entities i suspect). In the dreams she did her best to create drama, laugh at me, and do disturbing things. This went on for a long time. I was almost suicidal and considered councelling. This made my recovery very difficult.
I figured I Would need some of her energy to complete the barrier I had tried to set up. So eventually, I convinced her to send the book i had lent her back to me. I figured since she was reading that book around the same time I cut her off, she would have left some energy in the book directed towards me. (not conciously of course, since the book would remind her of me and what i did she would have had some upset towards it). And I was right:
When i got the book in the mail, If i held it, My hands would violently shake.When I put it up on the bookshelf in my room, i could feel it staring at me at night with the worst intent. It scared the hell outta me. So after a week of this. I Saged the book and burned it. Then i went to sleep with the intent of finding her dreambody to tell her to reverse her own intent (Her higherself would have to obey my commands Since, in dreaming anything you clearly yell out in your dreams will manifest to some extent). That night I dreamt I was in front of a TV. screen with the words scrolling across "Get out, stay out." I have never dreamt of x since.
And my obsessiveness vanished. Afterwards, X left the DV forum about a year later. We stayed out of eachothers' way, in that time. I guess in the midst of all my craziness to rid myself of the dark obsession I either Angered her or scared the hell out of her (without meaning to of course), Because one of her friends at the forum began IM'ing me Death threats and calling me Scum of the Earth on the forum. The moderators dealt quickly with this. I found out she had been telling people that I was continuously harrassing her (Which doesn't make sense because I ended the interaction and respected her wishes after I apologised and got my book back).
I have since lost interest in logging my dreams and trying to become lucid. I have tried to dreamshare with others on occassion with little success. Every once in a blue moon I'll become lucid and my Higher self will yell X's name, when that happens my concious self kicks in and wakes me up (I have to keep my end of the bargain.) Now why am I telling you all this?To get it out. I have never told this story to anyone in it's entirety.
What I have learned:
- I have a dark side that Is a part of me yes, But I must always keep it in check. To quote a Vulcan master "You must control your negative emotions or they will control you".
- Drama is best kept on the TV screen instead of in your own life.
- When something remarkable happens to you, Treat it with love and respect. Don't give in to fear.
Bookmarks