rshort1202

I am either at a concert or watching a video of a concert. I think I am at it, but it is like I started watching a video of it or saw a thumbnail of it on YouTube and then ended up at it. I had been looking through my Watch Later on YouTube, and it was full of Pink Floyd and Doors concerts. I noticed that I had also been watching videos of speeches or someone talking about different topics. This venue has the feel of a warehouse or hangar, airy and dim. The stage and seating riser are long. The Doors are performing, and it sounds like they, and especially Jim, are on top of their game. Jim is animated and fiery. I am now seeing a panorama of the crowd, from the stage, at about stage level. They seem to all be standing and very animated as well. I notice a diversity in skin color. The fashion seems wildly eclectic, possibly 60s, but almost hyperbolically so. There seems to be a good ratio of women to men, many women carelessly or ecstatically topless. The shot pans and lingers on a black man and white woman amid the crowd, the woman’s pants unbuttoned and the man casually rubbing her over her underwear. They’re standing straight and next to each other, so undetected by only the camera. I find some humor in the shot’s slight lingering on this candid exposure of the moment. I now have to use the restroom and end up finding a unisex? bathroom at the end of a hallway. The hallway is slightly ornate, as if in a theater or old house. I think a woman comes out right before I go in, possibly saying something to me. In the bathroom, there is a toilet against the wall and then a ramp up to what looks like a stall. I go into the stall, only to find that the door swings into a position that leaves about a foot long gap. I go back down to the toilet and stand to use it instead. I think it is too low and I aim too high, accidentally hitting the wall at first.

I am entering a public bathroom. It is made of what looks like tan stone and is very large. I believe it’s a men’s bathroom, as that’s why I entered it and I do see urinals. There is a row of toilets, pretty close together, with no stalls around them. There are two girls sitting, right next to each other, apparently sensing no lack of privacy. I can see down into the water in the bowl and it looks very dark and murky. Now, I am looking for a shooter? I think someone has sent me to do this. I am looking in a pretty large playground. I am now inside somewhere and I think I see him and/or he sees me. There may be some interaction even, but he doesn’t know my intent. We are now on some sort of small section of tiered seating, him directly in front of me. I grab his arms and twist them behind his back, holding tight so he cannot move. I notice that I’m wearing a tie dye Grateful Dead shirt and that a Slipknot song is playing. I wonder if it’s his music and about the dynamic between it and him being a shooter.

I’m with Melissa at what seems to be a small concert or concert festival in the woods. We are standing very close to the smaller stage that really has nothing between it and the audience. The band that is on seems quiet and really isn’t that good. Melissa starts walking off to the right, in jeans and a black sweatshirt. I give it a second and then follow her, reasoning that there’d be no situation where my simply asking where she’s going would be inexcusable. This area looks like an orchard of deep olive green on a hill. I look back and see Dad and Makayla on the sloping lawn in front of the stage. When I catch up, Melissa informs me that she’s just going to go pee. I want to go with her, and I also think about sneaking off to have sex somewhere. I can feel myself becoming aroused. I look around to see if this could be feasible and see the orchard ending in a fairly steep dirt hill. I wonder what’s past it, but don’t think I’d actually go that far. This area seems too small and not secluded enough. In the other direction there is a tiny cliff that leads to water and a tiny beach. There’s a larger woman standing on the beach.

I am at what looks like work, out on the floor and at a table (that is not really there) by the registers. There are a few different cakes that Mom has made sitting out. I think she’s sitting here too. I’m trying the cakes, and they are really good. Walking around now, I see only Beth ringing and what looks like a forming line. When I go to help, I see that the ‘line’ of people are still looking around. There is something about the Grateful Dead’s ‘worst’ show that happened to be played in Mexico. I think I am currently listening to it. It is very short. I think there are only six songs in the first set and one short song before drums in the second. I think there is a song with Bob and some female pop singer that really just doesn’t sound like them. Kat is here, and I tell her it is pretty terrible. Then I realize she was at the show and I don’t want to sound mean; I say it’s still fine because it’s the GD, but it is bad for their standards.

I am with Melissa in some clothes store. I carry three pairs of Levis as we casually go into a fitting room stall and close the door. It’s just big enough for the two of us. Without me trying to do so, the ink tag on one of the pairs separates and comes off. I try them on and they fit very well (though they’re a little long). They’re sort of a faded Tahoe blue in color. Since they fit and the security tag fell off, I’m going to wear them out under my other pants. I tuck the cuffs into my socks for extra invisibility, and with my shirt back on they are entirely concealed. I briefly consider where to leave the ink tag, though it doesn’t matter a whole lot. I think about bringing the other two pairs back out, but then know it would be suspicious without the other pair I came in with, so I leave them in here. We casually walk out (into the mall?) and towards what would be the food court. We get in line for something (Brooke may be with us) There’s a guy about our age or younger in front of us. One of his friends appears and starts snaking his way in front of us. He has something with him that says (or he is labeled?) ‘Ladders’. The first guy is ‘Chutes’, so I guess it makes sense for them to be together and don’t fuss about him cutting. Melissa is holding a drink, a thin and tall glass clutched at chest level. This second guy starts grabbing at it, which is when I start to have a problem. He tries to make casual conversation. I clasp my hand on his shoulder, and, in a sort of fake amiability, pull him aside with more of a shove. I ask/tell him something. The first guy has his phone out and, sensing this new tension, bluntly says something to Melissa about her unfollowing/blocking him. Without missing a beat, she coolly responds with something to the effect of ‘not a chance’ or ‘not in a million years.’ i get the sense that maybe we’ve met them before and she was receptive on social media to be polite and/or because they didn’t seem too bad. We now pay for the mini golf? at the counter and go wait at some tables outside. Oddly enough, we are still going to be mini golfing with them.




I am at work when I discover that there is more to recover than there should be. Clothes are misplaced and strewn in random places. I notice a section in particular that no one attempted to fix while I was gone. This really irritates me, but I start working on it anyway. On top of a shelf there are pins and nails and the paper filling from inside the shoes. I see Rocio over here, so I go talk to her. She speaks a lot in Spanish, repeating some things. I understand some of it, trying to reply in Spanish too. I think she asks if I am going to teach. I tell her maybe, really considering it. The large, yellow cup from Dad’s is here and full of water. I take a large swig.




I am at a very small concert festival with Melissa. I see a lineup poster by a stage - Venom is playing at the same time as another band (they’re both headlining though?). Melissa asks me to pick which one we should watch. I pick Venom because they sound familiar. They come on and start, and Melissa rushes to the stage. I imagine moshing.

I am outside of the preschool (I only have the thought that it is the preschool - it looks nothing like it). I’m standing with my back against a cement wall. I think it’s a ramp or something, as the building is a bit above where I am. It seems more like an elementary school. Melissa and some other girl are with me. I am smoking a joint, passing it to this other girl at times. Now, Nathaniel’s mom and sister show up. I hold the joint down at my left side, partially obscuring it, but not completely concealing it, as I don’t feel the need to. They start talking with us and Beatrice, seeming older, casually takes the joint. Before she does anything with it, Stephanie asks sharply “is that a marijuana cigarette?” with a small, incredulous, and accusing emphasis on the last two words. It is largely rhetoric anyway; she already knows it is. She bats it out of her hand and the two of them leave. When Stephanie asked, Melissa had quickly said no and backed away a few steps. I pick the joint up, bending it back into shape a bit, feeling bad about this whole situation. Apparently word has gotten to Niki, as she is quickly coming over here. She seems mad as she tries to talk to me and I just walk away from her. Sometime later I am texting Melissa, telling her I’m very sorry. She says that Stephanie is livid. I get the impression that Melissa is more upset at her being mad than at me. I now go into a building here, as if I’m going to work. It looks nothing like work and more like an IKEA, but more ornate and with larger rooms with higher ceilings. There is so much furniture and things on the walls that it looks as if it could be a hidden object game. There are a lot of people walking through here. I am taking a few of the same fuzzy, zip-up sweatshirts back. I feel a little high, and it is agreeable. It puts a smile on my face. Without the sweatshirts now, I enter a room. This room has a dark wood floor and a velvety, mossy green tapestry covering two of the walls. There’s also a black grand piano on the left wall. James is here, and I ask if he can play. He tells me “a little” and sits at the piano. He starts playing something that actually sounds pretty advanced. It oscillates between low and high notes; the lows sound far too deep for a piano, and the high notes are pretty high as well. I think that I’d like to try this piano. I also think that there are two older men sitting in two chairs in the far corner.

I am somewhere outside (Hawaii?), walking down the sidewalk along a small two way street. There are storefronts and shops all close together (reminiscent of Virginia City or maybe even Lahaina). I have a kid with me whom I am watching (Adrian?). I think Melissa is with me too. I think we’re looking for ice cream, so I’m not sure why we’ve just passed an ice cream shop. We may be looking for another option. This shop has a large open window type front, but the opening is filled with shelves. The wood shelves hold little tiki containers of ice cream. I think there are also other shapes, like coconuts. One of the tikis has a Stealie etched and colored into it. I see a few different types of chocolate with different names. We continue on, and on the other side of the street there is a fairly large and simple stage in the shade. We’re passing by it, and I start nodding my head to the music. I notice that the rhythm guitar player is playing the smoke on the water riff over this band’s song. Now Sage is here for a second? She says that Deep Purple only knows how to play fast (as if they wouldn’t know how to play slow). I jokingly ask her if she’s ever seen a Deep Purple acoustic album, then say no because they couldn’t make one or something. Now, Melissa, the boy, and I have reached a stretch of beach that ends in a calm body of water. I have my arm over the kid’s shoulders, in a fatherly sort of way. He is bigger than a toddler, probably closer to 5 or 6. I don’t think he is Adrian anymore. The kid feels like a family friend or someone close enough to where I can casually put my arm over him. I jokingly say something about Melissa and him getting in the water (like it’s going to be really cold). I let them go ahead, and they actually do get in the water. I didn’t think they would, but now I have to follow. I step in with my bare feet and find out that it’s really not that cold. I’m wearing shorts and a tie dye? tank top. I see a thick, white worm or caterpillar with a ribbed body clinging to some debris right under the surface. I then see another. They’re slightly gross. I now submerge myself, and we all swim for a bit. There is a playground structure rising out of the water; we all climb onto it. From up here, I see a cop car parked under some trees a ways off (it is dark out). I think he puts his lights on, but he start coming over here. He watches us, but I think he can’t get over here because of the water. I tell Melissa not to talk to the police. I also imagine talking to him and telling him I have the right to remain silent and not answer questions. Now when I look around it seems to be daylight, there is ground (with wood chips) under the structure, and quite a few other kids here, playing. Keegan’s mom is now up here, on top of a slide. She is worried about the police being here. She’s worried about her son (who is now Adrian again - I see him playing with other kids down below) and thinks it’s because he’s left alone or too alone. I look down at him, and he puts on a face like this is actually true, which irritates me because the exact opposite is true. I’m just about to tell her that I’ve actually been with him all day, but she slides down the slide.



I am with Dad, Makayla, and Lily at Dad’s? house. I’m talking to them about something. I now have Lily lay down: I'm going to give her a guided meditation (for OBE?). I was going to have her lay on her back, but she lays on her side and says it’s comfortable enough. I think that it’ll still work.



I am sport climbing with another guy. It must be a multi-pitch, as we’re currently anchored next to each other up here. It also must only be the first pitch, as it’s not too high up. The rock is a dark and fairly coarse granite. There is something about the possibility of a hold breaking? I get to thinking about it and think that a whole slab of the face could fall off. I’m sketched out about this, and I’m glad I’m not the first person that had to climb this. I think the other guy wants to fall?

I am in some building that feels like maybe a school or somewhere with some offices in the back. I’m waiting in the wood paneled hallway, waiting for the man inside the office to finish up with someone. The other person leaves, inciting a silence to take over. I peek my head through the doorway and see the man focused on some work on his desk. I really hate to interrupt this, but I slowly enter and ask if he has a moment. He says yes and waits kindly for me to talk. I slowly tell Bill Kreutzmann, addressing him by his first name, “thank you.” He seems to get rather emotional, and tears appear in his eyes. This causes me to become a little emotional as well. He tells me that means so much to him and that no one’s ever told him that before. I try to lighten it up a bit by saying something like ‘thank you for just fuckin’ playing the drums in a band that means a lot to me.’ We talk a bit more, and I end up leaving here with him. We approach a car, his, in the lot, where another man asks Bill about me. Bill says I’m fine, the other man nods, says I’m ‘in’. Bill now drives us, me in the back, to some type of shopping center. I’m out of the car with the door still open when Bill comes over, and I ask jokingly if I’ll need any of these, gesturing to three Grateful Dead shirts laid out on the bench style seat (and a backpack of mine - the backpack I had in middle school?) He chuckles and says no. I mention how I have the three, the first with ‘Grateful Dead’ in a large font, the second a tie dye, and the third a grey one (thinking of the grey one I have with the skull and glasses). We now walk into a building here. Once inside, I lose track of Bill and the other man. There’s quite a few people walking around in here. I awkwardly start walking around, until a man by a doorway gestures to me, seemingly knowing what I’m looking for. I go through the doorway, and it is now clear why we’re here. This large living room sized room has a stage at the far wall. The drum set takes up a large portion of it (maybe a quarter of the stage, though it’s centered). There are a few rows of picnic styled tables here. The lighting is dim and blueish. I deduce that Bill is going to be playing with a band here tonight. I think that it’s a weekday and I hadn’t planned on being out late, but I’m fine with it. The few tables are mostly full, but I look for a spot, doubling back once. I then find a spot at the end of one closer to the door and have a seat. A girl (someone I knew from high school?) has her knees on the bench and the rest of her body bent over the top of the table. She then slides back down, leaving less room by me. I look amongst those seated and notice Ian and some other familiar faces from high school. They’re singing “god don’t play dice with the universe” with a sort of subtle communal fervor. It irritates me that these ‘cooler’ kids are capitalizing on something that a less popular person, like myself, genuinely likes. Now, I (and maybe 1-2 others) am lying on the ground in front of the stage. The stage seems very tall from down here. The ground seems very soft, more like carpet or grass. I am flat on my back, with my eyes closed. I think I am paying attention to sensory input and getting slight OBE feelings/perceptions.




I’ve gone into some store with Melissa. I’m not sure if this building is standing alone or entered into from another building. The place seems to sell only craft beers as well as wine. I look all over for a certain beer (Moonraker?) but do not see it anywhere. I think I ask someone, and he doesn’t see any either. I think I’ll just pick up two six packs that were on sale, something like 2 for $6, because it’s a good price. I go to grab it and can’t find it. I look all over again and still don’t see it, so I just grab a Hop Valley IPA that’s the same deal. The cans look like pints and are grey with a fairly plain label.

I have gone into Discology. It is a completely different building; the walls seem dark in color and there are a few rows of low, black shelves. David starts talking to me about how he rearranged things? He also has a proposition for me or something like that. I start looking in a shelf and see four Doors records. They have the look of an older pressing that’s been around a while but taken care of. All are familiar expect one; this one is a copy of Strange Days with a completely different cover. I don’t think it says Strange Days anywhere, but somehow I know. It kind of has a lot of things going on, part of it being a car or two and a side profile of Ray. I think about getting it just to have this different edition. I also see some classical. There are a few with thick covers of a solid color [that are actually in the store, as of last time I was in]. I think he’s moved them to this more accessible spot, probably so they can be seen more. I find a multiple LP set of classical performed by a woman composer. It looks near mint, the cover and discs, and is labeled as $1-$2, so I keep it. I’m guessing the price is based on how many of the discs you take? I go to pay for it, but David looks like he’s getting ready to leave, so I’m just going to leave two dollar bills on the counter by his computer.



I am somewhere inside where there are a lot of people milling around. The vibe seems pretty happy. I see some members of the Grateful Dead among the crowd. One is Jerry (his appearance is like that from the late 70s), what I go up to and say ‘how about a Dark Star to open the second set?’ He seems to think it’s a good idea. I then let Bobby? know. I think Donna is here as well. It doesn’t really seem like I’m in the band, but it does seem like I have some influence. Later, the band comes on and Jerry starts a Dark Star but it is soon overridden by one or more others in the band. I’m a little disappointed.

I am at a Dead and Company show with Dad and one other guy, probably a family friend. The venue is on a grassy and sandy slope down to the ocean. Down towards the bottom of the slope, I can see the off-white top of the tent (kind of like Shoreline) in which they’re playing. Most of it is hidden by the incline. At times, I can see the band, but it is intermittent for whatever reason. There are also waves breaking that make their way up the slope and I think into the tent. I end up briefly talking with someone I know, before making my way down the slope. The band has started, and I dance as I walk. I think a few people look at me, but they are smiling. I’m by the tent now, and it looks more like a small seaside bar or café. You can walk right into it. Some people are doing just that, but they’re getting kicked out, as they are too close to the band or too much of a nuisance. The atmosphere other than that is very laid back. The band, in a single small room, laughs and chats while tuning up between songs. I think the drum kit is in a room separate but still connected to the other. Bill Kreutzmann is here, but he is just hanging out while another, older man plays the drums. It seems to me that Bill is unable to play tonight for whatever reason. I start talking with this other drummer, but it ends up being me talking to Bill, with him either on the drums or right by them. For a moment, I’m self conscious of taking up time if they’re playing music, but they’re taking a while between songs anyway. I ask Bill, prefacing the question with me knowing that it sounds like a typical fan thing to stay, how he would feel about playing Liberty. I am self conscious of my voice as I am speaking. He looks as if he’s really thinking about it. I mention how it would be fitting since it’s so close to the 4th of July. I also wonder if they’d play it mid-set or for the encore. Bill says he’s not sure, because he never really got the pace of the song and his playing was never really coherent on it. I think of versions I’ve heard and guess I could see it. He tells me that’s why they started playing [something with a longer name] in ‘94 and ‘95. This song is, I think, similar to Liberty in tempo and lyrical theme. I nod, thinking of my notes of shows, not sure I’ve ever actually heard it. I think he sees the uncertainty in my nod and briefly wonder if he’s thinking that I’m not that versed in the music, but I know I’ve listened to a fair amount of their shows in that era. (Whatever the name of the song was, it’s not an actual song they’ve done).

Two fragments remembered upon waking and not written down, but summarized after reflecting upon them again and written down later in the day.

I’m with Alex in some room (a hotel?), and we’ve been sitting on the bed. I tell him that I calculated the odds of the Flatbush Zombies playing a Grateful Dead song on their current tour and it came out to be 33? times in however many shows. The odds of catching one seem to be pretty good. Alex seems to think this is pretty cool.

I am with Dad in a grocery store, getting something for dinner and an alcohol to go with it. I can’t decide which to get, but I keep thinking about one of the options - a wine. I make my decision and go and grab it, the 2 liter white wine.