rshort1202

Something about a Dead and Company convert. I am looking at the setlist, that has not yet been performed, as if I have the ability to revise it. The encore is One More Saturday Night and even though it is a Saturday I want to change it to Black Muddy River. There’s also a section mid second set that I want to be Help on the Way and Slipknot into The Eleven. I write this down as HOTW>Slipknot>11.

I am sitting in bed and I think about to type dreams or do something else on my phone when Mom comes in and lies perpendicularly up on the bed with her head in her hand. I’m playing music on my speaker, what sounds like the type of deathcore I listened to in high school. Mom pauses and kind of looks like she’s thinking, then let’s out an “I hate this.” The vocals are pretty creepy, I imagine especially if you don’t like this kind of music. Then, a bump against the side of the house coincides with an intense part of the song, and it almost scares me. I reach for my phone to stop the song.

I am in some unfamiliar town with Jackie Greene. I think the town may be in Arizona or Colorado (I had been looking at a digital map of the US and zooming in around that area, surprised by how much of it was forested). It sort of feels like a mountain town, small, isolated, buildings with large wood exteriors, yet not high in elevation. We’re walking through the town and it is very pleasant out. We’re talking about his music and/or me seeing him. I tell him the first time I saw him was at Strawberry and then add ‘2007’ or ‘2017’ to be more specific. I hope I’m not being too annoying about anything, but don’t think I am.

I am at Melissa’s house and logged onto Dante’s Zoom class fairly late. Alex, and I think Cody, are here and at times they can be seen in my background (I have moved around a few different times). I hear Alex ask Cody if he likes the Tedeschi Trucks band. He pronounces it ‘ta-deshy’, whether seriously or not I’m not sure. I know I started out in front of a blue curtain, but now I’m in a little hallway between the garage and house. I’m wearing a hat and/or hoodie and Melissa says something about them not recognizing me. Melissa steps over me once and once again on her way back - it is almost sexual. I’m not sure I’m worried about anyone seeing. Now I think we’re on a break and I’m in what looks like Dad’s backyard. We’re back now and playing a Jeopardy type game. I don’t think I’ve even had my volume up for most of this class. I think the class is scheduled to go later but he cuts it a little early. I am eating some chicken nuggets or strips. The sky looks like a nice later afternoon with a few stray clouds.

I’m going through an In’N’Out drive through with Mom in the passenger’s seat and I think Makayla in the back. This one doesn’t look like any I’ve been to - it seems too small and dingy. The menu is also incredibly tiny and therefore hard to see, so it’s good that I know what we’ll want without having to look at it. I order Mom a #1 with a chocolate shake and myself a #4. *I’m still in the middle of ordering when I’m cut off and awakened by my alarm going off.




I’m either at a Grateful Dead show or watching a video of one. I’m mainly, or only, seeing a fairly young (mid 1970s?) Jerry and Phil. At one point I am so close that I can see their teeth in great detail, Phil’s being thick and wide and Jerry’s being tall and skinny. They are each singing and playing with vigor. The song seems fairly long and jammed out. Now, I am seeing a setlist, I think online. It has track times, so I see that indeed some songs got pretty long - around 16 minutes. At least one title I didn’t recognize, which is very uncommon, if it ever happens, for me.
*Listening to Furthur last night, I was thinking about Phil’s singing.

I am on what seems to be a speed boat. The boat also seems very long and flat. We seem to be going rather fast over the open water (the ocean?) We are not too far away from the shore though. There is something about us being on the way to see Dead and Company and/or John Mayer driving the boat. I think about how I’ve seen Dead and Co in the middle of the desert and will now see them out in the middle of water, impressed by this. (I’m envisioning a scene of them set up out in the sand - by Las Vegas? - with no stage or crowd). I’ve been standing on this boat, and there’s a guy standing next to me. I wait until we’ve arrived to strike up conversation. I ask if he’s ever surfed? In an English accent he says ‘just now’ or something similar. Now, I am swimming.

I am flying, rising up through the air. There are two others with me (I’m not sure if they’re unfamiliar or if I can’t remember what they are), the three of us in a triangular formation. I notice that we are very close to a huge, impossibly tall pine tree. I also hear the lyrics to ‘Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys’ playing in the background: “If you had just a minute to breathe and they granted you one final wish, would you ask for something like another chance?” This really gets to me; I think about it and listen to my heart, saying ‘yes’. The others do not, and I veer away from them, up and to the right. With some effort and vigor, I rise higher. I notice the ground far below, a patchwork of green and brown. I am falling back down now and land way less forcefully than I expected.

I’m in my car with Melissa, driving us somewhere. I think I need gas, so she tells me where to go. She tells me to go left through this roundabout and then to take a right, and I do so. I notice a car coming to the roundabout and think it’s not going to yield to me because everyone assumes no one will take the second exit. Indeed it doesn’t, speeding in front of me. I’m driving down a hill now. The area is very green, with many leafy trees and a large grass area. There’s a large pond in the grassy area. We are now swimming in it, and the surrounding area doesn’t seem as green anymore. A few people in kayaks pass us, too closely I think, and say not to fish/swim in here, humorously. I jokingly say we won’t. I think he meant not to submerge ourselves, which, looking at the murky water, I’m not going to do anyway. We’re out now and on the sandy shore. I’m laying face down on either a towel or my shirt so I can dry off.




I’m on my bed with Melissa and I think we’re each doing something separately. On my record player I am listening to a Brokedown Palace from 1972. Bobby is telling the crowd to shut up and says “oh, I don’t wanna sing” to the melody of the song. I chuckle at the historical interest of it, and Melissa makes a comment too. Now I go out to see if the air is on. I think it’s been running all night, same as the water. We also watch an animated movie with a twist ending or something that suggests a sequel.
*Last night I meant to turn the water off but kept forgetting.

I am in Germany with Mom and Makayla. The first place we go to is a small, unassuming office building. Inside, it looks more like a home that has been converted to an office space. It is a perfect blend of the two. For a short period of time, Makayla and I can’t find Mom. At one point, I see her with a glass of non-alcoholic beer with a few sips missing. Part of me thinks ‘Already?’ There are two German ladies here. They are short and squat, older and very friendly. They speak English with a faint German accent. They work here but do not come off as an ‘employee’, eradicating any ‘us vs. them’ and promoting a genuine sense of helpfulness. The music that is playing here is odd and definitely nothing I’ve ever heard in any office building. It’s fairly loud, a slow and melancholy beat with droning female vocals. Through a window, I see that it is overcast out. One of the ladies says they should do something when it lightens up, gesturing as if she’s parting clouds. Now, I am outside with a different lady. We are sitting on a rocky shore against what must be the ocean. As I sit and observe the scenery and feel the perfect temperature, I am overcome with both grief and something close to euphoria, knowing that this is where I belong and that I’ll have to leave. I think I almost start tearing up. The scenery is rocky, but of soft soil and greenery where it is not. The ocean is calm and dampens the temperature to what I would call perfect. I talk to this lady as a small, wooden pallet drifts this way. There are a few seagulls on it that seem to be steering it. It becomes overcast. I think part of me is aware that Germany is not an island. The lady is showing me a map, pointing us out (a clear island), and showing how close we are to the very southern end of the ‘Hawaiian archipelago.’ There is a succession of maybe ten or so tiny islands to the North until I see the familiar cluster of Hawaiian islands. The rest of the map looks like a bunch of green islands close together on the deep blue of the ocean. She is now showing me where I’ll be staying. The house is two stories, wooden, and facing the ocean. It looks like the entire second story has a deck; we’re walking on it now. We see into one of the rooms, and she is nonchalant, but I’m not sure I like what I see. Looking down into the plain room, I see what looks like a dog bed. On it is a dog collar and some rod-like object. The unsettling part is that I think this is for a human )a captive?). Along the wall to the left there is an open cabinet. Attached to its door are about three black sheathes with different knives. I am disturbed because I thought Germany would be completely pleasant and not at all like this.




I’m outside somewhere that looks similar to Midtown, but I think more residential. From a third person perspective I am watching Donald Trump and his advisor jogging. It seems his ‘advisor’ is trying to keep up with him. Now, I am jogging with them. His pace is fast, and I think of his old age. We turn a corner and head down a straight away. For some reason I imagine someone attempting assassination and how it’d be easy right here; I don’t think he currently has any protection. Now, I am home (the house seems unfamiliar) and I hear some activity in the doorway. There’s a member of the press just inside the door, interacting with someone just out of sight outside the door. He steps into view - it’s Donald Trump. I think I’m naked and/or don’t want him to see me yet, so I hop into the ‘shower’, which is actually the refrigerator. I shut the door and just barely fit in here - I think door’s actually still open just a bit. Pressed up against the sides of this ‘fridge’ with nothing but me in it, I don’t recall my ‘shower’ being this small. I turn the water on and it comes out cold.




I must be performing auto fellatio. I am alone in an almost pitch black
space, feeling the sensations of both giving and receiving oral. It is slow and passionate.




I’m in a store with Mom. she points out a case of beer - it’s all of the World Beer Cup gold winners. The white case is probably almost as long as me and I think $15. Though I know it would be a good choice, I just don’t really want to get it.

I am inside somewhere. I am in some area that is either a hallway or a long bathroom. There is a stall with quite a large gap between the floor and the wall. My coworker and I are taking the toilet out and installing one that has some hidden mirror. This coworker (unfamiliar) sits on it while I stand outside of the stall to see how it looks. The toilet just seems like it’s highly reflective stainless steel. I can clearly see his pale thighs but not much else. I go in and reposition it to where I think it’ll offer a better view. I think our office must be right outside this stall. Now someone, he almost seems like a school’s principal, has caught us. We are made to put it all back (we moved a few other things), and all I can feel is shame. I then begin to think that he didn’t actually know our motive but just thought that we were messing around, which offers me a bit of relief. Now I’m in some room, by some filing cabinets?, with this coworker, noticing his short, red hair. He is friendly and talkative and starts talking about Scott. I contribute to the conversation and add that Scott was a great boss. Now I’m working and/or browsing in a plain white, dim room. There are some black milk crates of music on various media. I find a copy of the Tool album Salival on a VHS that is still in the shrink wrap. I then find that the bottom is open but that you can slide it back in if you’re careful. I think that this is rare and that I have to get it since it’s only a few dollars. I think I don’t have anywhere to play it but that it’s probably a collectible or a good return on investment if I were to sell it. I find a few cassettes? and then walk up to the counter to check out with Julia. The counter seems to stand alone outside in this pretty barren landscape. She looks at the items and says I can just take them because she overcharged me last time. Excited at this, I say thanks and walk off. I get the sense that I’ll be walking home.

I’m on a walk. I get to the edge of a driveway, where a Black man has met and is talking to a white, male police officer. I get the impression he has come down here so the officer won’t go on his property. Now, another Black man comes out and does the same thing. The officer leaves amicably and then the first man turns to me and starts handing me some cash, a few crisp bills. He has short hair and seems very genuine. I think it’s a few 20s and I don’t even know what it’s for, so I say no, I can’t take it. The second man, with shoulder length dreads and baggier clothes, tries doing the same, and I think I give in. I think at the beginning of this, I put on headphones to listen to a Tedeschi Trucks Band show (the song was ‘Laugh About It’ into a drum segment). The weather was cooler - I had pants and a long sleeve. I was walking on the right side of the roads [sic] as two girls were coming towards me. I noticed a car coming from behind them and from behind me as I had to go around them to the left, thinking it would leave very little room for the cars.




I’m walking into a store with Sage. I think it’s a reptile or animal store. On the left, I notice three tanks on stands that’ve been covered with a black film or cover. Two older ladies working here say hi and then I think profile or customer service me. This irritates me as we walk into a larger back room, Sage way ahead of me.




I’m on a walk and have ended up on what looks like a sandy hillside that overlooks a beach and the ocean? It is sunset and the thick and vivid layers of deep reds and oranges are absolutely beautiful. There is some kind of electronic trance music playing and it makes for a very ethereal moment. I’m now down on the beach and there are a bunch of people dancing to the music. The sunset is the background, but there are also strobe lights. I think I start dancing.





Granny has died, but I feel comforted knowing that she had the opportunity to say bye to everyone and also that she came to me in a dream (*this seemed very real, and I was recalling pretty much exactly our visit with her yesterday).

Melissa and I are going to a Tool concert. I think we’ve done some acid, and when we approach the stadium (or it may be the giant stage) I get a strong visual. What looks like a wall of psychedelic flames spreads to each side from a geometrical center of different blues. It is impressive and awe inspiring. We are now finding our seats. They are both on an upper level, but they are not together. I say it shouldn’t be hard finding someone willing to switch. We are sitting together now. I think her mom or Sage’s mom is here. My seat is a corner where the row turns and is more like half of a seat. The first set is over now, and I haven’t felt any further effects from the LSD. Melissa apparently hasn’t either, so we both take more. The ‘acid’ seems to be a small tray of some baked food. We eat the grease at the bottom, and it proves more powerful. Shortly thereafter I am hit with a sudden change in my perception. We look at each other at the same time, eyes wide. After the show, we’re in a convenience store. Melissa shows me three lighters she’s buying. I guess the lighter fluid is the acid or is a component. She seems excited, but I can’t believe she’s getting three, thinking about how much that will make.

I am outside and walking through a neighborhood with a few others. It seems like we’re doing something for a school assignment. We’re looking for a certain house and come up on one that I think is right because it looks familiar. The house is white with a light blue trim. It’s slightly downhill from the street and is placed horizontally on the lot. The garage is open, revealing all of the stuff inside that looks familiar. The number is something like 150105. I look on the map on my phone, and it shows us about halfway down this street. Looking to the left, I see that the street starts to incline somewhat significantly, telling them I don’t remember going uphill. I tell them I can also search Canvas to see if it’s the right one. I do so and don’t think I find anything. We end up deciding that it’s the right house. We go inside, and it’s kind of empty and dim. The others take an open riser staircase to the second floor. I stay back and then walk back to the front door. The owner has arrived - it’s David from Discology and his son. They’re walking up and I meet them at the glass sliding door. I don’t think much is said, and I guess he doesn’t find it weird that I’m in his house. I say something about the others, and I think he goes to look for them, using a flashlight. I think it is somewhat intense.




I’m at work and going on a break. I need to use the bathroom, and we have to use Sani Huts. they are scattered all around this parking lot, and I head for a line of them up against a fence. There is a handicapped one, which I take because it is larger, because it is not busy out here, and because there are more in case someone needs it. I am relieved when I step in and find it clean and without much of a scent. I use some toilet paper to put the seat down. I think I am just sitting on top of the seat now, and I notice a window in here. Through it, I see a bed, upon which sit several people. I notice two girls, a couple, what look very similar if not almost the same. They are reclined, tan, and naked from the waist up. Currently, each has her arms above her head, which gently lifts her breasts and perky nipples. They begin taking off each other’s underwear and kissing, so I take out my phone and start taking a video on Snapchat. I can’t believe I can see this from here and no one can see in. I briefly contemplate its potential. I end up in another Sani Hut now, and it has the same kind of window. This one seems to be at the end of a dirt road or parking lot. To the left is an old station wagon with an open back. There are one or two women and some kids (maybe on a sports team?) approaching it - it must be theirs. One of the women, Asian?, is wearing a Grateful Dead shirt I’ve never seen before. It’s black and is tasteful; it also looks like it could be homemade. I think it’s cool that she’s into them, I think because it’s a change from the typical white male. They all start getting into the back of the car, which has blankets and I think string lights. They start playing music and smoking weed out of a lightbulb. One guy, Asian, takes a quick but large hit. I know that I don’t smoke, but they seem to be having a great time, which is fine by me. Now, I’m walking out to the Sani Huts again. It is raining fairly hard, which I barely feel. I’m walking over the rocks in a median and notice it pooling up here as well as along the sides of the road.

I am driving with Sage to see Tool in Arizona. I know I am going with her, but it looks like I’m in the car alone right now. The scenery is nothing immediately familiar to me, but it is the typical arid landscape I would expect. This two lane desert highway meanders through some scrub and brown hills. It is dim, but at one point dark. I drive past a silent scene of carnage. Strewn across the road is a creature (maybe a human?) that has suffered an attack on its head. There is a chunk missing and a trail of blood and remnants. Since there is a hill right nearby, I assume that whatever did this must be up there. It is light again, and I am looking at some dark rock outcroppings atop a hill. There are small farmhouses at the base of the hill and openings in the rock pile that look clearly inhabited by something. The openings are almost as large as the structures, and it freaks me out slightly that they exist so close together. I then realize that they are actually barns or sheds, but still don’t like the thought. Only a little ways to the left, surrounded by some trees, is a house, still too close I think. I think we left at 4 pm, which I’m thinking will give us plenty of time (I’m thinking it takes 2-2 ½ hours to get there). We have arrived, a typical large indoor arena, and I think our seats are apart. I conclude that it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone willing to switch. The place seems pretty full and all of the lights are still on. I’m telling Sage I’m sure they’ll open with ‘Aenima’ (thinking of the Fear Inoculum tour) but it’d be cool if they surprised us with something like ‘Flood’ (I think we were listening to that in the car - I remember seeing the dash display with the track time and hearing the intro).




I’m in some house with some others, one of which is Krissy from work. There is also a child on the brown couch that might be mine.




I’m looking at the full moon and watch as it looks like something is shot through it. The ‘something’ is small compared to the moon, but it leaves a trail of particles. I tell someone and think they don’t believe me until it is publicly announced that the moon has been shot.

I am at Melissa’s house (though this house looks nothing like it). I’m in a larger, open living room that I think is mostly barren except for a short, wooden shelf with a larger TV on it. I think it’s off right now. The place seems somewhat dirty and doesn’t have the feeling of a home. In here is her mom, someone unfamiliar, and a guy that looks like Ryan. He has those same drug-addled features, and I instantly dislike him. I think the other is the same, and, sadly, there is something a little off about her mom too. They all seem to be arguing about something dumb, and I sense that it’s going to lead to a fight. Her mom starts talking to me for a while, but I’m eventually able to sneak away. I end up in a small kitchen with two counters, one at a diagonal to the other. Each has a sink, and I recognize the one facing the TV as the one her mom likes to use. I’m washing my hands in the other, notice I’ve left a small pool on the tan tile, and leave it there. I figure I can go this way to sneak off to Melissa’s room, and head that way. Suddenly, an old lady in a thin, pink bathrobe bursts out of a bathroom and rushes past me without a word. It startles me. Now I’ve made it to Melissa’s room (different) and notice that it’s kind of messy. She’s sitting at a desk in the corner, wearing what is either pajamas or lingerie, a matching blue set. They look like satin and lace. We start talking and I think I’m sitting or something, as she comes over, puts a leg up and pulls the bottom to the side, and I start licking her. I’ve barely started when a noise just outside the door causes her to jump back and straighten herself up at the desk again. I sit up normally, but am laughing as Brooke comes in. I don’t worry about it, as I could’ve been laughing at a joke for all she knows. There is a mirror across from me, and looking in it I move a portion of my hair along the part.




Michelle is driving me and Melissa somewhere, and she is driving terribly. She starts driving the wrong way and only us telling her causes her to realize it. The cars that were coming slow and stop for her as she reverses. Having not reversed far enough, she hits the landscaped divider and then decides to drive right over it. She makes it to the other side, but we are still going the wrong way. We eventually end up going the right way, as I notice an old fashioned sheriff car turn right in front of us. I think ‘oh god’ or something similar and hope for the best.




I am sitting in my car that is backed into the driveway. I know it is 6 am; it is light out but the sun is not up yet. The mountains glow yellow, pink, and blue. I had woken up, started listening to an early Pink Floyd show, and then came out here. I notice a larger family on the street in front of me. There are about three or four kids of different ages. All are wearing shorts and tee shirts and look happy and ready to go. They also look like they’re deciding which way to go, pointing and looking back and forth. The next thing I know, they’re walking up the lawn towards our house. I am on edge for a second, but then think they’re probably just going into the communal area. I’m now back inside and see my things on the bed where I left them. I think it’s my laptop and a dream journal. This room seems square and somewhat empty. I think about finishing the show, but Melissa is awake. Surprised, I ask if she feels awake, and she enthusiastically says yes.




I’m in a parking lot with some others. It seems dim to dark out. We are secretly going to put a sticker or two on Felicia’s car (a white car or truck?). The sticker is three words, I think, including ‘fuck’ or ‘fucking’.