non-lucid

I wanted to die.

I was with my friends and we arranged a date to die. We told our parents and they accepted our decision. Eventually, we arrived at this pond/mini lake/idk what to call it. It was me, Niki, Aubrey, Brittany, and Dani. Two of them tried drowning themselves but it didn't work so we arranged another date. This time, we would jump off a cliff together. It took a bunch of delays, but eventually we arrived at this cliff. All our parents were there, crying. But it was like they accepted it. They would let us kill ourselves. During this dream, I woke up several times but would fall back asleep and return to it. Unfortunately, we never got to jump. But I would have loved to..

Let's run away
To a place no one can find us
Because no one would dare to look
Where we are going
There is no pain, no fear
A place so far away
No one could reach us
Once we leave
We will never be able
To come back
Because
You can't come back
From death

I was in the house of an old friend, Rachel, with my mom and a friend. The house was brand new, walls and furniture covered in white. Rachel's mom was standing in the kitchen, welcoming us. There were some black hand towels on a rod on the wall and me and my friend used them to dry our hands. Eventually, Rachel's older brother came up to us and said something like, "You're messing up my towels! There's towel fluff on the ground!" I didn't see anything wrong with a bit of towel fluff on the ground so I said, "It's just a little bit of towel fluff! It won't ruin your towels!" But then he started yelling at us about it and told us to get out of the house. I walked toward the door and he said things like, "you're a mess! you're worthless!" etc. Me and my mom were then standing outside the house at this huge window. The window was all foggy and I was able to write on it. I wrote, "You asshole! I AM messed up! I (can't say this part) ....(tried to think of a number even though I lost count).... 10 times!" He looked at at what I wrote. Then, I appeared back in their house and was washing dishes. I knew I didn't belong in there, so I was crying. I used a towel to wipe away my tears, but still I was crying. It was that beautiful, real emotion I experience in dreams once in a while. I then saw him standing behind me. He wasn't angry, but just standing there in silence watching me as I continued to cry.

I was at an outdoor Starbucks with Niki. I went up to order and the woman recognized me. She said, "I'm sorry but we've run out of the Mocha Cookie Crunch(or whatever drink it was)" which was what I normally would order. I was fine with that though because I was planning on ordering something different anyway. I told her I wanted a vanilla latte and a vanilla frappicino. She already had a cup with my name written on it like she knew what I was going to order. I was waiting for her to come back to the register to pay but she just looked at me and said, "okay?" asking if the order was correct. I said ok and went to sit down by Niki. We were sitting at small white table outside a gas station next to the coffee shop. There was a dead dog in the middle of the lot. It didn't seem weird at all. Just a dead dog that no one had gotten around to cleaning up yet. The woman came to me and handed us the drinks. I asked Niki if I should go up and ask the woman if I could pay her for the drinks. She looked at me with a serious expression and said, "Let me ask you this, Laura. Do you have wonderful dreams?" Taken off guard by this question, I tried to think of something insightful to say but all I came up with was, "sometimes."

I was supposed to get a message from God, but to get it I had to climb up and down these steep hills. It was dark, and I tried twice to get to the end, to climb the last hill to the top, but each time something went wrong. On the third try, I could feel myself getting somewhere. I just knew in my gut that I would make it to the top. I got excited, and at this point I knew I was dreaming but I didn't care at all. I tried very hard not to lose the dream by being in the moment and not thinking about anything else. I made it to the top! There was a box with a letter in it and the letter was addressed to me. This is it! Finally! I'm going to get a message from God!!!! I pick it up and start to open the letter...

MY FUCK DAMN PHONE GOES OFF

FUCKING PISSES ME OFF

fuckmylife. (this is not the first time something like this has happened)

I'm not actively practicing lucid dreaming techniques but I'm still hoping to accomplish my goal of reliving an old dream.

I was standing in an open field, which I think was an air field but not sure. It was a bright day and there was some kind of building nearby with a bunch of people in it. I look up and see this passenger plane fly up and down above me, losing control. Then, BAM! It crashed right in front of me as I held my head for cover. Then, a few seconds later, another BAM! The airplane exploded into flames and sent debris everywhere. I was lucky to have survived without a scratch. I ran in the building to call 911 but a bunch of other people had already called. I called anyway because I figured they would want to talk to me since I was a witness. I told them exactly what happened and that I was right there when it crashed.

Last night I had a bunch of dreams, but for the life of me I cannot recall almost anything from them. Just a few bits and pieces. I woke up on my own around 3 and 5. It seems I don't really need an alarm clock anymore because I always wake up before it goes off.

Around 5 (I think?) is when I tried to WILD. I felt myself falling asleep and almost lost it but then remembered and kept telling myself "this is a lucid dream" until finally I was in the dream. I found myself on the top of the roof of a half-built half-unfinished home. All I remember was walking through a door before I woke up. Short, but better than the first lucid WILD I achieved. I think I'm getting better.

Dream Fragments
-Dad was driving with me in the front seat next to him. We were driving over a bridge when he lost control and our car drove off and we fell into the river. The water was very muddy and murky and it was filling up the car fast. I yelled at my dad to open his window, since mine wouldn't work(we have electronic ones). He opened his just enough to have room to squeeze out. I took a deep breath and then we went underwater. Dad was taking so long to get out of the window and I wanted him to hurry. I was running out of air. I think we made it somehow.

-Dad had surprised me by getting us two McFlurries.

-Indian amazing skier on ski hill

-being punished for some reason by someone

So.. I'm still setting my alarm clock for 3:30 am and 5:45 am. I slept through 3:30 and when the 5:45 went off it woke me from this dream. I wrote it down and when I tried to WILD I couldn't fall asleep so I just got up for the day. I don't know what to do because I want to record my dreams right after I wake, no matter the time, but I don't want to not be able to fall back asleep.

I was at a Culvers/gas station with Niki. I stood in line and got up to the counter ready to order two slices of cheescake for $8.59(something). The guy at the counter told Niki to go get milk from the stock room, so she left to do that. Apparently I looked sad because the guy at the counter asked me what's wrong. Niki had gotten the milk and was staring at us. "Why aren't you putting the milk away?" he asked her. She got to work, even though she didn't work there. I got my debit card out to pay and was trying to hand the card over but the guy got distracted. More people came in and went to the checkout counter that had about 5 crew members. The store was very highly rated because of the customer service. One guy came in and the only person open was the guy who was supposed to be checking me out. He tried to approach him but the counter guy said "sorry, I'm busy." He went away. I was waiting in line again. Finally the guy got back to me and asked me what the price of the cheesecake was. I said I didn't know, around 8-something. "7.33" he said. Odd. Before I could pay he got out two beaten up very old looking books. They were supposedly from 2007 but I looked at the bottom and printed in black was "1987" but someone had crossed off that date and written "1997." They guy took the books and sat down by Niki and I at a table. "What's wrong Laura?" he asked me, in a friendly, caring voice. "Nothing," I said. He went on to look up something in the book and found it. He said something like, "these books are so useless and old they should be burned." Niki laughed. I had my head down resting on a yellow folder on the table. I didn't mean to look sad but the more he tried comforting me the sadder I felt. He stopped what he was doing and I thought he was getting up to leave but, to my surprise, he hugged me. It was really nice of him.

Ok.. I woke up 3 or 4 times in the night and each time I tried WILD but it never worked. This is night #4 (I didn't record dreams from the night before because I don't remember the dreams)
I can barely remember dreams from last night...

Me and my parents were in the psychiatric hospital visiting my sister. I was with this black, curly haired girl and we were either trying to leave or enter the unit. We needed passes to cross, it was kind of like going through those gates at Six Flags or Summerfest. The girl got in easily, but when it was my turn the lady said I had the wrong I.D. I looked and my I.D. belonged to the black girl, which was strange because she got in without her I.D. Anyway, somehow we got in. The next thing I remember was getting ready to leave with my sister and parents. I stopped in this room with this girl with a name that started with a J... and somehow I got to know her. It was as if I had spent the week in the hospital. She said she was going home that day but had nowhere to stay and she didn't feel safe by herself. I told her it was okay if she stayed with us, I'd be happy to have her. I said I have to ask my mom, but that she'd say yes. I ask my mom and, to my surprise, she said no. I said, "we have two houses to stay at. What if we stayed at the one in (hometown)? Or up north?" But she said no way. I got really upset and started crying.

Wow I did a horrible job remembering... there are so many pieces left out. I need to practice my dream recall.

Well, I didn’t fall asleep until around 6 in the morning so I was still awake at 3 and 5 when I was going to try WILD. I tried but I couldn’t fall asleep. Note: I should try it around 8 when I am fast asleep and dreaming.

Me and a bunch of random people were staying at someone’s house to watch over it while they were gone. The house was huge, though I don’t remember any specific details about it. One of the rooms had an arcade in it, the kind where if you win you get a bunch of candy or prizes. I was immediately drawn the arcade with the candy in it so I played the game and it was very easy. It was a game I already knew how to play so I won. The prize consisted of three candles. Random, but I was satisfied. I wanted to steal some of the candy because it was out in the open but I never got a chance. There was much more to this dream but I don’t remember

I was about to leave to go to camp with a bunch of people my age. There was a room full of girls and I didn’t know anyone. I entered the room and tried to find people who were like me. I found some girls and we all started dancing and had a blast. Once we got to camp, it was a huge area in the woods by a lake, with camp on both sides of the lake connected by a rope bridge. Camp was fun because everyone was an adult so we didn’t have to follow any silly rules. Me and a group of girls were assigned to a certain part; there were at least 10 different parts of the camp. Our group was going to eat dinner and then go night dancing, which sounded like tons of fun. Me and a partner had to make a dessert dish for dinner and the other girls would make the other dishes. We never got around to making the dessert because we didn’t know we had to, so everyone left us out at dinner. I left, kind of upset, and was about to walk across the rope bridge when a counselor joined me to see how I was doing. The rope bridge was extremely narrow so when we got to the middle of the lake, the counselor lost her balance and fell in the water. She was laughing and asked me to join. I hesitated, but gave in and jumped in. “The water is warm here, much warmer than up north,” I commented. She didn’t seem to pay attention. My parents and sister arrived to visit me. We walked around and passed M&M World. I suggested we go in and, of course, my sister agreed. When we got there, we were the only ones there. There was a trampoline outside with rocks on it and it was beat up. Random. We never got to go in.

Me and my dad went shopping for a new guitar. I wanted a light wood one. I was nervous to try out the guitar in front of the guy helping us because I wasn’t very good. I never got around to playing a guitar. I saw a friend of Niki’s, Nick, sitting in the guitar shop and talking to his friend. Somehow I got the idea that Niki and died. I started sobbing and went to sit by Nick so he’d ask me what’s up and I could tell him. Then I realized, “hey wait… I just hung out with Niki yesterday…” which was true in real life. Embarrassed, I got up and walked away.

Wow I haven't posted a dream in forever. But I am really trying to get back into it this time because there is a particular thing I want to do in a LD and I won't stop(hopefully) until I do that. I want to revisit a scene from a dream I had when I was a kid. A dream that stuck with me til this day. I want to go back to that moment and figure some things out.

There was this guy that had kidnapped two girls my age and I was there, but not really there, to witness it. Me, Brittany, some weird dude, and maybe some other people were having a little party type get together. We were in the middle of the woods but it also seemed like we were at my house, maybe just in the backyard or something. This guy strolls by our party and wants to join in, so he tells his kidnapped girls not to do anything stupid, and they come join in. No one suspects anything, but since I saw what had happened I knew I had to do something. The three of them sat down at a table and they were facing me. The girl with the black hair had a desperate look on her face that said "help!" I winked at her and excused myself by telling them I had to make a phone call. I walk far enough that I'm not in hearing distance and I call 911. No one answers. I tell them the situation and my address and hang up. When I get back I wait awhile and they still don't come. The girl comments that she wants to see my phone, and I give her a harsh look and tell her no. I try 911 again and I don't remember what happened...

I was standing behind the recliner in the living room. My mom was sitting in that recliner and Steph was sitting on the long couch. Leo and Nova got up, Leo grabbed onto Nova's back and then Stella joined in. Those cats were doing the Conga Line! I realized there was no way this could happen and I knew I was dreaming but woke up.



When I tried to fall back asleep, I kept telling myself, "I'm in a LD, I'm dreaming" and was doing pirouettes on a large pink surface that was floating on pink clouds. There was a gazebo next to me on this pink surface. I started to lose myself and could feel the dream taking over me and I knew I was dreaming. But then the damn cat started whining at my door and woke me up. I was pissed..

Flying Lucid
I was walking down the freeway with this big group of teenagers when I realized I was dreaming. Or rather, I always knew. The first thing I did was jump into the air and try to fly. I just came right came down though. I realized that I could do anything if I just imagined it in my head, so I tried again and his time flew super high and then actually flew around for while. I came back down landing hard on the ground. I hen proceeded to jump high in the air, higher and higher each time, and come crashing back to the ground and "die." After doing this from above the clouds, I got bored and thought I'd try visiting space. So I clew upwards and through the clouds and It didn't take long before I was outside the Earth's atmosphere. I went to visit the moon first. It was relatively small and there was another small moon around it. I touched it and it fell away like dust. Then I went to Saturn and touched the fiery ring. I got bored with this and decided to smash back to Earth again.


Therapy Gone Wrong
Take One:
I arrived at my therapy session after what seemed like forever and I took a seat across from the therapist. I started talking to her about some stuff(idr what) and she then lied down on the couch and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me. Another client(or some random person) sat next to her and she seemed to pay more attention to this other person than to me.

Take Two:
Once again, I was headed off to therapy. I was getting ready and trying to get moving so that I would be there on time but things kept happening that delayed me. Somehow, I was finally almost there and I called the therapist to tell her I would be 20 minutes late. But by the time I got there, I was actually on time and had to wait for her to be ready. I was in the waiting room with some other guy about by age, with long brown shaggy hair. He seemed kinda cool, and I think we talked a bit. He eventually left and went up to the front desk of the physical health section of the building and I was surprised that he wasn't here for mental health like me. Anyway, sometime after or before that, I had to go but my shovel away so I placed it outside the door to the building(why did I have a shovel? I have no idea). I went up to the receptionist in the behavioral place or whatever it's called and told her I was ready to see my therapist. After what seemed like hours of getting ready and figuring out how to get here and sitting around in the waiting room, I would finally get what I came here for. But, instead of telling my therapist I was here, the receptionist jokingly told me, "You're going to have to break up with your therapist." And then she said, "She's busy with another client." A client who took my place. The therapist was standing just a few feet away from me talking to another client. I was pissed off. Then, on top of that, my old friend from elementary school(who turned into a bitch) showed up with two of her friends(TL and TM) and they were all dressed up in homecoming dresses. They were sticking their noses up in my business and I asked them why they were here and they said they were looking for cute guys. (wtf?!) I was so mad and upset that I just left.

Me and my friend Ali were going to be in the dorms together for the new semester. We were surrounded by guys I didn't know and one of them was carrying a bottle with a beta fish inside it. There was hardly any water in the bottle and I felt sorry for the poor fish so I told the guy that I would fix up his male-shift fish tank of his. He agreed so we would go over to his dorm first so I could help him. We got in the car and when we arrived we parked three buildings back and had to walk all the way to his dorm. We went inside he and his buddy's dorm. It was pretty big and had a small kitchen and two round tables in it. I hoped that me and Ali's dorm would look like this. There were new roommates checking in around us and meeting each other and I felt like I was missing out back at our dorm since we hadn't even been there yet. So I prepared another cup to put the fish in while I cleaned the original bottle and said to the guy, "you should really to to the dollar store and get a nice fish bowl that would only cost you..." I was cut off by something. Next thing I know, we are in the parking lot(me, the fish guy, and three other guys) and someone was chasing us. I could later see that this man was Matt, the police officer from the show Heroes. He chased down and, using his powers, killed the first four guys as I was running away towards the dorms. I turned around and there he was right in front of me! I was terrified but I knew I had powers too so I jumped up and flew backwards away from him into the night sky. I appeared back in the dorms, this time in me and Ali's dorm which we shared with some other girls. I didn't want him to find us so I shut the door and closed my eyes and when I opened them our room had been switched to a different floor. One girl was like "hmm did the number to our room change?" The next thing I remember was being on the balcony on the upstairs of the school. The bad guy and his friends were holding professor Suresh from Heroes over the ledge, threatening to drop him 5 stories onto the main walkway of the school. I was up there also and they were holding me but I managed to escape and flew down off the balcony and prepared to catch Suresh. A crowd was drawn now that they saw me fly. I was worried that they wouldn't drop him now since they knew I'd catch him and instead kill him another way. I began to fly back up there and then woke up.

I became friends with this Arab guy who seemed nice at first but then he told me to deliver a bomb to the middle of the city. I wanted him to think we were still friends and also I was scared of him so I agreed. I was with two of my friends and I had put the bomb in the back of the Tahoe and was driving down the street. The guy said he would tell me when it was time so we had some time to do whatever so we went to the movie theater. We were about to see Lord of the Rings but then I got a bad feeling about the whole bomb situation. I told my friends that maybe I should call 911 and tell them what this guy was planning. But then I wasn't sure if I should call 911 because it didn't seem like a real(imminent) danger. We decided to leave the movie theatre before the movie even began and take off in the car. I couldn't control the car very well and ended up running a red light. A cop saw and pulled me over, but when she approached me she brought out a list of everything I've thrown away in the past week and pointed to a movie. Apparently she didn't like the fact that I threw away a good movie and that was the only problem. I thought about the bomb in the back of the car and thought I should tell the policewoman. I hesitated first but decided to tell her. She didn't make a huge deal out of it but instead told me to fly the bomb out over Lake Michigan when it was time. So me and my friends went about until I got the call from the guy that it was time to deliver the bomb. I told him I was on my way to the city and instead took off to the lake when I arrived, the waves were extremely large. All the chaos going on around us was causing this to happen. I put the bomb in the helicopter and prepared to fly. One of my friends got in but the second one missed it so as we took off, she jumped in the water to try and catch us. I flew over to her and threw her a rope and she climbed up. I then dropped both friends off on the shore and decided to fly the bomb out myself in case something were to happen. So, knowing that I might not make it back alive, I took off in the helicopter and headed for the middle of the lake. I'm not sure what happened next because I woke up. Maybe that means I died..

Me and Dani were at the school library and Dani was fooling around somehow.. I think she was stalking people and running around. I was mostly standing there watching her and being entertained. But then one of the teachers, some blond-haired lady in her upper 40's came up to Dani and told her to stop. I got away from the scene before the teacher could see me. Later I caught up to Dani and she told me that the teacher had given her a schedule of all the detentions she would have, which was around 6 or 7 days, which didn't make any sense because she wasn't really doing anything wrong. Not to mention we are in COLLEGE, not high school. Also, Britt happened to show up out of no where and also got the same punishment even though she wasn't even there. The teacher finally caught up to me and was going to give me the same amount of detentions, which I didn't understand at all since I didn't do anything; I was just watching Dani. She gave me the schedule of all the detentions I would have to sit through, but I noticed I would be gone up north for half of them(in RL I really will be gone those days). I told her this and she gave me this evil look so I ran away down the halls and tried to get away from her. Then something in the air changed; instead of people wanting to punish me and not liking me, the mood changed and people felt sorry for me. Like they knew sometime was wrong with me because I wasn't right in the head. The principle came up to me but instead of giving me some lecture, he offered me some lunch.

another drowning dream. you know, the usual.

I was in a large pool with my friend, we were just having a good time hanging out and swimming around. There was this part of the pool where there weren't many people for some reason. I decided to casually swim over there to check it out, but when I swam a few feet past the side-floaty-marker-thingy I realized that I was in a very deep section. It was apparently the deepest deep end in all of Wisconsin, about 15-20 feet(which obviously isn't true in RL ha!). I am absolutely terrified of deep water in dreams(and sometimes in RL) so I swam back to the shallow end as fast as I could, my heart pounding. But as time went by, I became less scared of the deep end and decided to explore it again. This time I remember entering the deep end and being under water, floating along, and then drowning. It was so peaceful, it felt like flying. The lifeguard noticed I was drowning and went to pull me out, but afterwards I was only half conscious but he had a class of a few students by him. He was showing the students how to help a drowning victim, and even though I WAS a victim, he payed more attention to teaching the students what to do than actually helping me. So that failed. And I woke up.