side notes

In my dream my husband is out of town (as he is in real life).

In my dream I asked a coworker out on a date, and he happily accepted.

See this is a perfect example of why I want to lucid dream. This is not who I am in waking life. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I choose to be.

Yes, I am lonely when my husband is out of town I get it.
I will also admit that I like this coworker ... as a coworker, as a buddy, as someone to share ideas with and to joke with.

Infidelity is a big no-no for me, and I also get that my mind therefore decided to present me with this scenario to shock me, to tell me "See I know how to push your buttons." Here is something that would really bother you.

But we already knew that! We already knew that I am struggling with self-esteem issues and with taking control over who I want to perceive myself as and deciding what is proper.

This however I know is not proper. And I refuse to think that I "need" this, so subconscious fuck off! I am going to relearn lucid dreaming, and make sure that I get to decide what I do and what is right for me.

If I am so fucking lonely tonight, why not give me a dream of my husband instead. That would have been nice, ok? But no, my subconscious, you decided to play games with me. Well, I don't appreciate that!

In an hour I need to get up and go to work and face this coworker, and forget that my subconscious asked him out on a date.

Even though I was careful not to move as I remembered this dream, and I thought I had it, but when I did move, the fragment became even more fragmented.

This was another dream about dreaming. It started out with a question asked on DV. I don't remember the question but it was asked by someone experienced for the sake of helping teach beginners. It had to do with differentiation of dreams, categorization of them.

I remember thinking that the distinction was easy for me, and answering the question.

This was not a lucid dream.

EDIT: after more sleep around 7am did not remember additional dream or fragment, but remembered a bit more from this one:

Question: Experienced dreamers, how do you change entries in a dream journal to help prepare for lucid dreaming? (Note: Upon waking this question is weird to me and has no clear and easy answer, but in my dream I thought it was easy.)

My dream answer: Focus on dream signs. Do not concentrate on what makes this dream unique. (Note: I know there was more to my dream answer, but that's all I remember.)

I believe I remembered the dream that I forgot earlier tonight, and I remembered the Significant Insight that I had reached before. This dream is actually about dreaming even though it may not appear to be!

In my dream I was an actress in theatre, just starting out. And an experienced actor had taken my under his wing and was showing me the ropes. During a break in rehearsal I had been chatting with another less experienced actor. My self-appointed mentor saw this, and afterward took me aside and reprimanded me, saying "Why are you wasting your time with that nobody? To succeed in this trade, It matters who your connections are. It matters who you are seen with, and he is not someone you want to be seen with." I rebutted him with "I am not in this for the usual reasons: I am not in it for the money nor for the fame, and I choose who I hang with."

While analyzing this dream after it happened it occurred to me that this dream was about why I am putting this effort into dreaming now, why I want to lucid dream, why I am here at DV:

I am not doing it for the usual reasons. Or maybe these are the usual reasons for some people, who knows. An important motivator for me is to regain my self-dignity and self-respect, to regain control of my dreams so that I do not do what my subconscious tells me to do. I get to choose who I hang with. For me the an important motivator for lucid dreaming this time around is moral reasons: I want to do what I perceive as being right (which of course does not mean I won't do something like shoot someone in a lucid dream because it feels right to do so , I need to do empowers me, and I need to not let those more experienced than me dictate what is right for me. This is what attracts me to DV is because it seems to be a place where people generally support this kind of attitude, and do not try to impose their way on others.

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Friday March 1 2013 I took NyQuil for my cold, and went to bed early. Around 8:30pm I woke up. I remember having some profound insight into my dream recall or something like that. I remember feeling very self-satisfied with my progress and how it was not just a fragment this time. After all this patting myself on the back, I almost fell back asleep without writing anything in my dream journal. I startled myself back awake in order to write it down, and it was all gone, except for this.

I have been struggling with basic dream recall, but I am up to at least remembering a fragment every time. This one made me grin.

First some background: my other hobby is Fishkeeping, and in Fishkeeping there is a practice called "culling" which is the euthenizing of fish that for example would die any way (putting them out of their misery).

In this dream, I was culling dreams. I was evaluating and sorting them to figure out which are not worthy of recall, etc. this was definitely not a lucid dream, and I just remember a fragment of it, but it made me smile, and hope that my mind is on its way to re-embark on this lucid dreaming adventure.