memorable

Went hiking with D and a few other people. It’s a hike I recognized, wooden trail spiraling up to a platform. The wood is new. There are black labs who are scared to walk on the planks. Work keeps calling D, telling him there’s an emergency he needs to deal with but there’s nothing he can do since he's so far away. We head back down and the guy we’re with says we have to rope swing across the lake. He says it’s crucial we don’t touch the water more than necessary because ‘we would not believe what was growing in there’. I was completely confused, I don’t remember having to do this on the way up. Plus, I’m not wet and I would be if we had done this. I also am carrying a pillow that’s completely dry. I ask someone, “What did I do with this pillow last time to keep it dry?” They told me to fold it up and put it in my shirt, so I did. The guy went first and didn’t make it far before he went head first into the water. We scoffed, “so much for not touching the water.” D went second and swung out to hip height and waded to the other side. I decided to angle my swing to the left toward the land, so I got minimally wet. When I got to the other side, everyone started getting concerned because the first guy had not come up yet. D was annoyed that he was going to have to dive in and search for him, but then the other lady managed to pull him out. I was in a room and couldn’t see what was happening but D started gagging, telling me that the guy was covered in unsightly mud and disgusting debris. He was unconscious so D delegated to me to get the first aid kit. There wasn’t much in there besides IV equipment so I grabbed what I could. D wanted a 1” IV tape but I explained to him that the only reason I was able to take the 1/2” tape from the hospital is because nobody likes to use it, so that’s all we had. People start performing CPR and I leave the room to help. It’s a very disturbing sight, indeed. He looks deformed. He’s blue, has a swollen and bulging neck, and they had to cut off his fingers and toes - leaving strings of rotting flesh in place of his fingers. Someone holds him while people perform CPR. I take my turn at compressions and then he starts talking. D explains to him that he probably broke his neck. I asses his body and it’s full of gnarly wounds. They had all been exposed to bacteria. D is now at risk for catching the life threatening bacteria since he handled this guy’s blood. He’s irritated about it. I go home and have to retell the story to Mike and sob while I do. Mom says she thinks it’s her karma from frequently passing out in front of people. The girl we were with, Sarah, posts about it on DV and I comment about how painful and traumatizing it is to read and remember.

Driving down a winding road in a truck with some packages. Coming at me is a very large, brown, prehistoric looking spider. It’s in an 8 shape and the legs are on the front and back of its body, not the sides. It freaks me out so I swat at it but it won’t die. I learn that it’s called the Amazon spider (as in amazon.com) and hangs out in their warehouse. I get home (more like my mom’s house) and there’s a party. Donald Trump is there. I put on my shoes because I’m bored and decide to go outside to take a selfie with a giant crashed government airplane before they move it. Donald Trump bends down and starts tying my shoes for me. “Oh thank you. Could I get a picture with you?” He agrees and then hesitates. “Why do you want a picture with me? You’re only here to make fun of me.” “That’s not true! I live here. My room is right there!” I point. Really, I just wanted to share with friends and family that Donald Trump tied my shoes, because nobody would believe me otherwise. D comes just as things start falling apart. We hear that there is any army invading the other part of town and civilization starts to collapse. D has things to take care of in the house and someone asks me if I could help find certain seeds and I agree. I go to the other side of town and basically just follow this scientist around, holding items that they need to salvage before all hell breaks loose. We go into the back room of some industrial building and grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a toothbrush. I have to connect something to the tip of the toothbrush but I can’t because I’m shaking so bad. The political situation is worsening very quickly and I start becoming extremely upset that D and I separated. If he died while I’m gone I will never forgive myself. I would rather die with him than live without him. When we leave the room we find the building is on lockdown. All the offices are empty with the lights turned off but we hear men shouting orders in the other rooms. We quietly move through one room and hide behind a desk, looking through the glass of the door. I didn’t feel safe there and wished we were a few desks or even another room back, but we needed to see what was happening. One of the girls in the room ahead of us dropped a blue pencil and I knew that meant it was the daughter of my scientist friend. She was upset and went to save her daughter. By doing that, we learned that the invading army was a benevolent force and all of our families were safe. I was so relieved to see my husband’s face (but it wasn’t really his face). Everybody started cleaning up after all the chaos but D and I went to the gym and went swimming. I was practicing my dive, which required me to fatigue my deltoids by hanging on to the pool ladder before diving. I dove in, hit the bottom, and sprung back up in only a matter of seconds. A man said, “That was a great dive, sweetie!” D and I left to look for food. We wanted Mexican food but the best place in town was closed, so we looked around. We went to a hotel and someone we knew handed us some of our items (like area rugs) from the “drill” earlier but we just left them there.

(Titled so because all of the pets I dreamt of are dead in real life, the dolphins looked like zombies, and the snake was literally a zombie)

+Sadie keeps trying to curl up next to me on the bed and I encourage her. I am dating T.H from high school. His druggie dad just got out of prison and is coming to visit all his children and their mothers. There are countless women and children. T is excited to see his brother. They keep sending me all these pictures and group texts with inside jokes that I don’t understand. They all send pictures of the tops of their heads and joke about how short they are. They also joke about being gay brothers. His dad drives in in a semi-truck that says “no hard drugs” written on the side. He’s happily greeted by a chubby, middle aged woman who curled her highlighted hair. I go inside and stress about food. I bought so many vegetables but my mom doesn’t know the hours she’s working this week. I don’t want the food to go bad. I decide I’m going to make stirfry for T and his brother. I’ll add green onions to it. I feel happy cooking for them. I start sweeping and the storage room is absolutely dirty. How did it get so dirty? There’s enough hair to make a wig. And then I see a dead snake. T’s dad has an obsession with snakes. It’s dead so I sweep it up. I sweep some of the dirt out of the front door. I’m naked and think nobody’s outside but still try and hide behind the wall. As I close the door I see a lot of people outside and wonder if they saw me naked. Oh well, despite feeling embarrassed I’ll just own it. If they ask, I’ll tell them the truth, that I like being naked. Michael is giving me a hard time as I’m trying to sweep up the extra room. I grab a swiffer pad to collect the snake and dirt but my mom tells me not to pick it up. I tell her that I can’t just leave it there. I go to grab it and feel something sharp on my finger. I look at the snake’s mouth is now stuck in an open position and it has a lot of little sharp teeth. Then it slowly starts to move. I freak out and leave the room, I tell mom and Alesia and they’re not even that concerned. It leaves the extra room and makes its way to the office, it even does somersaults. I delegate to my sister to call 911 and to my mom to call animal control while I keep an eye on the snake so we don’t lose it. But my mom refuses because she doesn’t feel like it. So I grab the phone but have a hard time finding animal control’s number. 911 tells my sister she has to call animal control for help. Heidi dog gets around the snake while it’s coiled behind the office door. They both get defensive and Heidi swats at it. That agitates the snake which starts posturing at my mom, right next to Heidi. I can see it’s going to strike so I move to swat it away from her. As I do that, it latches onto my left pointer finger. I can feel it inject its venom multiple times. I feel the pain and pressure symmetrically in my opposite pointer finger. I start to feel pressure in my head and manage to squeak out “Help me” before I pass out and wake up for real. I felt weak upon awakening.

+At some hospital, hotel thing. It’s night and I’m trying to help workers find a submarine outside but I can’t access the back of the building. While trying I end up in nicely renovated bathrooms that are cherry wood and completely private. People shower there after working out. I leave and follow A.B. to the counter to return my towel. Why isn’t my hair wet like hers? Probably because I only washed my body, not my hair. There are a bunch of groups of sorority girls and there’s drama with one of them. I think she’s on drugs and she gets excommunicated for having a messier room than the rest. But in reality, all of them have messy rooms. I go into a black girl’s room and she has a stack of cute bras on her dresser. Cute bras are hot, I need some. Outside there’s a type of dolphin farm. They’re all jumping out of the water. Some look extremely mutated. People fish for these dolphins and then collect the spearfish they’ve eaten from their stomachs. I wonder how there’s even any wild dolphins left with the large amount that I see at this farm thing. It’s sad.

Supplements: Usual
Bedtime: 9:00
Mantras: None
ADA rating: 2
Moon Cycle: Waxing crescent 37%
Nightly Awakenings: Multiple bathroom
WBTB: None
HH: Vibrations and ringing while falling asleep in middle of night
Wake Time: 6:00
Total hours of sleep: 9

I'm trying out a new format for my dream journal. I noticed I was having more lucids when I consistently kept better track of awareness and real life details.

I like a picture on fb by J.D. about having bought a house in Alaska. I think that’s so cool. I end up somehow visiting R.D. there and finding her in the bathroom. I tell her about how great it is and ask if she likes it. She says she liked New York better and Alaska has increased her BP. I tell her, “Isn’t that funny that cities lower your BP and the country increases it?” She agrees. They’re living with J.D's family. I hear an older man’s voice explaining the nature of true, genuine, love very eloquently and poetically. It’s in relation to my soul’s visit to R.D. I can only remember the general message: 'Hopefully by now they’ve realized that love is something that can be dismantled to overcome perceived obstacles and illusory barriers. True love can only present itself as the genuine and undying wish to help a person grow, which can only be done if one can look beyond the illusions and masks and stare deeply into their eyes and their soul.' I became aware that it was a dream voice. Though I was partially awake, the voice kept going. I was in awe that my mind could articulate this message so beautifully and naturally without any hesitation. It flowed so perfectly. D stirred and I immediately got up to write it down, trying to retain all the words I could. I had my hair wrapped in a towel and it was buzzing. I’m surprised my towel stayed on all night. I kept hearing music and kept trying to turn it off. I grabbed my writing dream journal and flipped to the last pages that were creased and were from my last vacation. A.W. had written under a few dreams, “Chloe, GLA somewhere else! We don't want you here!” Referring to a dream character. What’s GLA? She wrote more but I didn’t read it because I had read it before and knew what it said. I wanted to get to writing my dreams before I forgot the message. I checked my phone and had 16 new messages. Then I woke up for real.

Going on vacation. Lani from Wilcox is there and I see she has NZ dollars. She’s staying on a different island than we did and said we need to stay away from each other if we’re both going to visit or else we might keep running into each other. I laughed. On the plane a little girl demands a hot dog. I take her to see her dad, the co-pilot. It requires me to move from first class perpendicular to coach. I have to crawl and she has to watch her head. I had forgotten how cramped coach is, it makes me claustrophobic. She visits her dad who is sitting in the front row and he refuses to buy her a hot dog. When we land the mother and sisters are furious. They want to punish him. They ride on jet ski’s to get people to form a line. At a harbor you can see huge sharks in a huge tank. They’re used to power the cruise ship. Some workers get in the water and I wonder if they’re afraid of the sharks. I get on the cruise ship and it starts going, crashing on really high waves. I think it’s fun. On the lifeboats some workers are hanging out. Some are gay and cuddling. I get selected to be a dancer for the ship’s show. I’m not sure what my role is so I wing it. I’m suspended out to the side of the boat and try not to touch the water so I don’t get attacked by sharks. A professional dancer is there, too, so I try to follow her moves. I can follow a little bit, but still get lost. On downtime she tries to teach me. I see fast forward from third person, my extensive multi-year training. My training sometimes stalls the cruise ship departures.

I check on my cilantro and it’s ready to be cut, but the stems are buried by dirt and I can’t get to them.

Supplements: 1000 Vit.C, 3 collagen, 3 L. Tryptophan, 1 iodine, 100 niacin, 1 DIM
Mantras: NA
ADA rating: 1
Nightly Awakenings: X1 - barely remember it
WBTB: NA
HH: Buzzing before awakening. Loud cling sound while falling asleep
Dream Type: RD - partially aware
Total hours of sleep: 7:45

Driving around a city for some important reason. I was involved but I was also watching what was happening like a show and reading about it in a book simultaneously. Something about a staged riot where a blonde couple I knew were pretending to be religious and they thought it was unfair to be presenting a lie of perfection to everyone else. Something involving older men in a gypsy tent with young girls bellydancing, I’m one of the girls. The next day I drive to the grocery store. I’m only visiting this town. It’s busy and I find a close parking spot but have to walk a long way. I go in and see some plastic jewels to put around the eyes. An older man buys them and his friends laugh at him a little, he has zero shame. I want to buy some but am embarrassed with all the men nearby. I can get them at the store in my hometown but I might forget. I see small boxes of cereal and the brands I ate growing up were now labeled, “legal or not?” I thought it was bizarre. I see some people I know. I check out with only a few items because I told someone, “as I was shopping I realized I had most of the items I was looking for.” It takes forever to check out. When I get to the checker he’s gay and pudgy. He directs me to the card machine and I start to sign my name but accidentally cancel my order and have to start over. He does the rest for me.

Sitting in a grassy lawn with a group of girls. We’re curious what’s going on in a small building covered with vines. We know the boys are in there. It’s a group of celibate, religious boys. An overweight, tall, middle aged woman comes up to us and encourages us to go inside because the men are looking for wives. I say, “well I’m married so I’m not sure that would be appropriate.’ But I go in with the other girls anyway. It looks like my aunt’s old house. One of the guys there we’re familiar with. He’s young with shaggy brown hair and it looks like he’s plucked his eyebrows excessively so they’re a little farther apart than they should be. I sit down and talk with him and he talks a lot. He talks about finding a wife. He says "one can’t be picky unless they want to wake up crying and alone every morning." He talks about his celibacy and there’s a picture of him hanging on the wall. I contemplate that perhaps I would have married him if I was single. He’s not bad, but I seem to have higher standards than him. And could he handle my moods? He continues talking about how the men are supposed to “judge" each other by eavesdropping on their arguments. He gets really angry when they close the door and argue in private. Secretly I can’t help but wonder if these celibate men are having gay sex with each other. An older blonde man like Steve Avery pokes his head through the window to the inside and gets one of the older brunette girls to climb out. I guess they had a secret date.
We’re out sitting on the lawn again in front of an old, abandoned mansion. After talking with that boy I’m contemplating my life and how it is now versus if I had taken the Christian route that I had intended as a child. As I imagine life as a devout Christian, all the colors in the dream start to become dull and almost gray. I have a premonition of a creepy orgy involving all the nearby celibate christians taking place in the mansion. All of them have demonized faces and are making eye contact with me. It made me really uncomfortable. The premonition faded and the colors were still dull. Yet I saw a red flower come back to life and regain vibrancy, but the wind blew it away. I desperately chased after it and caught it. I went into the mansion and talked with one of the older men. Once I got inside I knew it was the beginning of my premonition. I decided to leave and he wasn’t letting me out. I screamed for help and finally someone saw us, so the man let me go. Everyone had left the yard and the person who saw us told us we needed to hurry and run. The sky had turned dark gray. I wasn’t sure what was happening but we ran. When we got to the neighboring yard the grass was replaced with dark, brown water. We had to swim and it hurt my ears. Once we got to the house they let us in. The host was a very rich young lady from the 1800s.

Having dinner with my entire family, all sides. I’m eating lamb and made jalapeño butter to go with it. A guy says his meat is too tough. I offer him some of my lamb and he doesn’t want it. In the kitchen the cabinets remind me of my dad’s house. Except some are fucked up and won’t close or have cutouts in weird shapes to be able to close. I test alexia’s allergies afterward and they’re moderate-high. That means she’s allergic to the either the peanut butter or the shrimp.

Someone tells me that my dreams are weird and f*cked up and that must mean I’m f*cked up. I argue about that, suggesting that perhaps it means I’m even less f*cked up.

Going skiing with D but I’m nervous and we can’t agree on which skis to use. He thinks if we use cross country skis it will be too easy, but I’ve never used them so I don’t know.

Spoiler for NSFW:

In the midst of that stressful decision we have to decide what to do about a young man who presented to the hospital with testicular cancer evidenced by a scab. I can’t tell if he’s developmentally challenged or not. We get a sheet that lists our different options and the risks involved. Among our options are telling him he has cancer, skinning his balls, cutting them off, and a few others. I feel really torn, indecisive, and upset about this situation and decision. Initially I really think that skinning them is the best idea because there are more tallies marked next to that option, but later I realize that the tallies mean potential adverse effects. So more tallies means a higher risk involved. I try and get D’s opinion but he tells me I have to decide. Eventually I realize the obvious choice is to tell him he has cancer and let him decide on treatment options. Hindsight is 20/20. I don’t want to be the one to tell him, though.

Doing a ritual with some kind of Native American priest. I’m the priest. I’m on a mattress in a cave on the water, covered with special blankets. I have to dive down and allow myself to have whatever spiritual experience that comes to me. I worry about my ear, but trust the process. I go into the water with my mattress and have a heard time swimming down but eventually make some headway and feel the mattress float back up. In my minds eye I start to see an image of two swinging industrial doors with a light shining behind its windows. I allow myself to enter into that image like a dream. The location I find myself in is an old, creepy, abandoned hospital. I see a menacing looking man running around, chasing a girl. It’s a scary image but I’m not scared because I’m a Native American shaman and I’m only on the astral plane. I chase them in a similarly menacing and scary way. They lead me into a dark part of the hospital with no lights and I am still not scared. An idea dawns on me, and I after some struggle I am able to grab the man. I pick him up, hold him, and bring him towards the girl until their faces are very close. I tell them, “love each other”. They kiss and are reminded that they were romantically involved and have unfinished business together, which is why they got trapped in some sort of limbo. That action immediately transcends us to a different plane where it is night and a healing orgy is occurring. It is outside and there are people in hot tubs. A fight breaks out and a man is chased into a steel, green building and into a jail cell filled with water. He realized his captors are of a fish-type species. They are hoping to either kill him in this jail cell or imprison him like a fish in a fish tank. They laugh about it until they realize he has someway broken free. They chase him through the hallways all the way to an opening, where he jumps and they follow. The building was in space and now all of us are falling toward the earth. In the fall I wonder if the fish people are the inspiration behind the Ninja Turtles. The rate at which I’m falling is putting a lot of pressure on my abdomen and making it hard to breathe, I try to straighten out. I realize that I’m falling into London. I don’t know where the others are falling. Once the man and I land we go to rent a car which comes with a rented kitten. We choose the cat that’s already outside and is meowing at us. We could go into a room to search for a cat but it seems too sad. We get in our little white car and drive out of the parking lot, but on our way we see an Asian man talking into a walkie talkie, looking for foreigners. He sees us and immediately knows we’re the ones. I tell my partner about it and he seems unconcerned. I remind him that the Ninja Turtles are asian. They follow us and try to block us from leaving the parking lot. But the police get involved and we get cleared to leave while the Asians do not. Yet they follow us illegally anyways to a hotel. We get into a big elevator and I refuse to push the button of the floor we’re going to. They start posturing and getting really close to my partner. I step in between them and my partner pushes me out of the way, he seems to think it’s degrading that I would assume I could/need to protect him. The Asians start talking about a train ride they can take to get from China to California in 4 hours. I’m impressed. But how can they take a train between continents? My partner tell me they completed an intercontinental roadway between Europe and New York. How did I not know about that?

I’m on a date with my previous step dad. We’re eating dinner on a balcony across from a hospital. It’s night so I can see inside some of the rooms with lights on. My previous step dad has a double who is working at the hospital. I see him in the room opening up chlorhexidine wipes. The one I’m on a date with asks what I do for a living. I point to his nursing double at the hospital but he refuses to look. I don’t like him and I’m totally over the date. I’m eating a snack bag of potato chips. A girl and her mom come over to my table (both overweight) and ask to have the chips. I tell them absolutely not! They then offer to pay for them. Once they get up to the $20 range I let them have it, it’s half eaten anyway and I start to feel like I’m cheating them. In the process, some other guy gets involved and I ditch my date for him. “Are you sure? I don’t have that much money.” He asks. “You have more money than him.” I say while rolling my eyes. We end up getting married and buying a house together. It’s a pretty old house on a farm. I feel like I’m settling a little bit but this is good for now. I like the surrounding open spaces with horses. He is excited about the view on the roof from the hot tub. We end up having 6 kids. 3 of them are now teenagers and 3 are toddlers. My husband gets into the wrong crowd and starts dealing drugs. From third person I watch a car and motorcycle chase he’s involved in. I shake my head in disappointment as he drives by the house and he looks surprised to see me. At this point it’s as though I’m in a movie and I know what’s going to happen next. I call a hitman on my husband who sits outside my house in a yellow minivan. I don’t know when he’s going to shoot so I’m trying to hide. I expect to hear gunshots but he must have used a silencer. When I come out to look, he’s shot all of my children except my teenage daughter who got away with an unwashed keepsake jacket from her brother. Each of my toddlers are sitting in their highchairs with bullets in the heads, surrounded by blood. I’m devastated but because this was like a movie I’d seen before, I expected it. The van was still there and they were watching me. I was hiding behind an ottoman and eventually they lost me so they started raiding the house. I ran out the front door with an overweight female friend. She was shot on the way out and dropped. I didn’t have time to save her. I ran faster than I ever have. I almost ran into a tree so I jumped off of it, which set me back a couple of feet. At this point the man was following me and gaining on me, yet he was walking calmly. I’m not sure why he didn’t just shoot me. He catches up to me and I jump on his back to attack him. He gives me a marker to write a specific derogatory term on his chin. I rebel by writing different derogatory things elsewhere and trying to choke him. He gets some kind of sexual pleasure out of it. I wonder if he’s someone from my past that I wasn’t nice to. Perhaps I bullied him in school. He takes me to a motel who shelters abusive evil people. Through the windows I can see men who have skinned their own faces, raping women. I know I will find no refuge here. I leap into some bushes across the street and stay still. My captor is pissed off and asks a female from the hotel to help find me. I suddenly feel him start touching and grabbing my body but he’s not sure if it’s me. “I think this could be a hoodie.” He said as he touched the hood on my jacket. The lady made them tea from an apartment right next to me and turned on the pool lights. They started swimming and I figured they were distracted enough for me to run for it. But I had nowhere to go but in the pool with them. I tried to push them underwater and drown them. They stopped following me but I still didn’t feel safe without knowing if he was dead or not. I called 911 but they didn’t help. I went to my aunt’s old house and ate purple flowers. They tasted very perfume-y. My sister and some of her friends were there and they were sharing recipes. I was just drawing in a notebook with wooden pages. I was supposed to do my hair in a specific way in three low buns and I insisted I knew how because I wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t know how and people had to come back and help me. They told me my bobby pins suck. I went back home, exhausted of running for my life. I thought I had to do it more but I remembered that the rest of the running was on Breaking Bad and not part of my personal story. Although now I do have all those precious plastic beads I have to hide. Everyone knows that drug dealers (like my deceased husband) are great at making jewelry and their enemies want to steal the plastic beads. I went upstairs and grabbed some boxes of beads trying to decide where I could put them. There was a whole room full of them. I took them to a window overlooking a football field hosting a game and threw some out of the window. I was worried it would hurt the players. I didn’t want to be involved anymore so I went to the party room. It was nicer than I remembered. The floor was a nice hardwood but it was messy. I went in there and relaxed with the college kids who were playing drinking games during daylight.

I’m in the ICU helping out. D is there with a patient and I put an IV in her. I get it the first time and I’m impressed. I talk to D about her care. She’s pretty stable. As I start the IV I make sure I have control of the flow. I tell her it might hurt at first when the fluid goes in. She cringes in pain but it passes. I explain to her that she’s getting regular fluid because she’s dehydrated, not any medication. She had no idea and she’s very thankful I’m being open with her. She tells me she is so impressed with me and the way I handled the doctor (She doesn’t know D is my husband and not a doctor). There’s a fire alarm and we have to evacuate. I notice I never locked her bed and it moves as she does. I lock it and then promptly unlock it to leave. I’m the only one in the elevator and have to ask a Filipino maintenance worker which floor I”m supposed to go to. I had pressed level 1 but he told me level 2. I forget to change it on the elevator and we end up going all the way to 1. I press 2 and we have to wait. It made for a very long elevator ride. I guess it’s just like a big city hospitals, I thought. The patient started slumping over in her bed and looking pale. I asked if she was ok and she responded sluggishly. I raised the head of her bed. This happened a couple of times. I took her to the cafeteria to get her something to eat. The patient is sitting in the middle of a booth. I ask the patient if she wants saltine cracker or graham cracker. She tells me graham cracker so I go to find some. I realize I’m suddenly pushing her in a wheel chair and realize I’m dreaming. I leave her in the hallway and go into a hotel room where a hot and horny porn guy is laying in bed. I jump in the bed and say, “Guess what? This is a dream!” He kinda chuckles. “I’ll prove it to you!” I pick up a pack of peppermint candies from the bed and tell him to guess what’s in the package. He doesn’t but I imagine they’re miniature spearmint gums. I open it and they are! I laugh. He starts making out with me and after a few seconds I get up because I don’t want to lose lucidity to a sex dream. I go over to the window and think about things I’ve wanted to do while lucid. Flying! I could just jump out of this window! He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. I look down and realize we’re very, very high up. I start getting nervous. What if I”m not dreaming and I just jump out of the window and fall to my death? “This is a dream, right?” I look back at him and ask. He just chuckles...he's proving very unhelpful and dull. I try pinching my nose (which never works for me) and am confused by the ambiguous results. That must mean I'm dreaming. He finally suggests to start out small. Great idea! Suddenly I’m on the road and think of getting onto some awnings on the city street to jump off of. He doesn’t think that’s a great idea. Then I had another idea! I took a few steps to my right and found myself in the center of major high speed traffic. I started jumping and flying over cars as they passed. I saw a lot of Idaho license plates, but it makes sense because this is Vegas. After doing that a few times I start flying without stopping by using a swimming motion. My calve starts burning and I figure it is cramping in real life, so I try to relax and keep going. I look behind me and my lover has gotten on some kind of silver flying machine and flies away. I go into a more secluded area that is really green with lots of trees. Suddenly I’m walking down a stone path thinking about my step-dad’s family road tripping around the U.S. I think it’s because I assumed I was now in the midwest. I come across these large stone baths aligned in a courtyard. I get into one. I’m trying to think of what I want to do. I thought about practicing summoning someone from nothing. I stood up and faced a wall. “When I turn around there will be…” I can’t think of anything I want to summon. I decide to try and bring that guy back but I have no idea who he was. I thought I recognized him but I can’t think of why. So I decided to keep it vague and summoned a similar hot guy. I turned around and nobody was there. I decided to start making out with the imaginary guy to see if he would appear. He didn’t and I was just making out with the stone. I leave and find something else to do. I go out into the courtyard and see a calf with bright patterns. It looked like he was wearing a sweater but he wasn’t. How cute. Then I decide to find a door so that I could open the door and find myself somewhere new. In my search for a door I wander onto someone’s New Zealand property and start getting followed by an older lady. She is highly annoyed with my shenanigans. I find a beautiful clear stream that has bright purple and green patches of moss in the middle and on the sides. I jump from patch to patch and they are so soft and bouncy. “How beautiful!” I exclaim with a big smile on my face. I think about making small talk but don’t want to push her. Somehow I find myself watching a screen of different movie choices. They were old Disney ones with Hillary Duff. One started playing and was comprised of two women having sex with a man. One of them was an actress I recognized. They were contorted and the point of view kept changing so it was a bit confusing. But I could almost feel one of the woman’s impending orgasms. Then she climaxed and everything stopped. They started congratulating her and telling her she did a good job and I accidentally entered the movie. She had given birth and the baby shot into another room. I found the body of what was supposed to be a baby except it only had a torso and one arm. It also had a tattoo. It was six months overdue. It was odd so I continued to my mission. The room I was in looked like my grandma’s living room and I was holding a type of flexible, pink/orange conch shell that kinda looked like a vagina. I put something in the center and rubbed to try and change it’s shape but it didn’t work. I closed the sliding wood door and held the shell in my hands like it was magical. That gave me the idea to imagine myself on the set of Once Upon a Time. I didn’t visualize anything particular, just the idea. So when I opened the doors it was just my living room with a few women on the couch. “Oh well.” I said. They looked at me with wide eyes, confused. I stared back, threw my arms in the air and jumped up while shouting, “woohoo!” at my lucid victories. I smiled big and ran into my room, where I woke up.


What a great way to start a new month! I learned that I have to be very specific with my requests and intentions to make things happen in my lucid dreams.

At my grandma's. There’s a party. I just woke up upstairs and walk downstairs to the bathroom. I’m in boxers and a shirt that says something about beer and hamburgers. I have sunglasses on my head and my hair looks nice for just waking up. D has some responsibilities he’s tending to and JM calls me a dyke with a dick. I’m pissed and a feud ensues. I tell D all about it at the restaurant he owns. I see memes about the Krusty Krab menu looking like Monopoly games: “the look you give when you lose a game of monopoly and have to clean it up”. We’re interrupted when the party comes into his restaurant. I leave and go into a bedroom to go to sleep. My sister is there and we have to share a bed. JM comes in and I tell her I can’t be around that many people without being drunk. She gets in bed next to my sister and they start masturbating each other. I tell them, “I know what you’re doing. Stop. Don’t do that when I’m here.” My sister plays dumb but JM doesn’t. I ask her about all the party people she brought with her. She says they are magical beings and the only way to get rid of them is to trap them in a nitrous oxide tank. I call D since he just got certified in scuba diving. He says he’s not allowed to do that because it would take too much pto. I go to the restaurant and see a giant gorilla with a blue, prosthetic arm that is shaped just like a stick that tapers at the end. We are poking him with ski sticks but it’s just pissing him off. That’s it. We’re going to die. I don’t know what to do. I remember we have Fragarach (a magical sword) so I grab it and chop off the gorilla’s arms and head. I can’t remember if I grabbed it from a table or D’s back. The inside of the restaurant looks like my aunt's old house.
Later I am walking down the street people-watching. I see an attractive blonde couple sitting at a table outside with ice cream. I sit down at a table across the street. It’s dawn. Eventually I look to my right and there’s a girl I kinda recognize. She’s been trying to get my attention. “Didn’t you hear me?!” She exclaimed. “No. Im half deaf right now.” I reply. She asks what D’s business hours are because they’re inconsistent and not adhered to. She says they went to Thailand on what ended up being an extended vacation where they tried to start a restaurant. Now they want to talk to D about the restaurant business. I tell them that by now it’s 6 a.m. so people should be already coming for breakfast and he should be there. He’s been there all night. I go to his restaurant and they had put a sticky sign up next to his hours sign that said they will return to look for him in 5 hours. I go inside and there was a pile up of vehicles. D’s truck was in the middle. AW had a white car off to the left that didn’t get hit. I talked to AW and she told me about what happened. She grabbed a sticky pad like the one that was put by the hours sign and said it’s the shape that represents her sun sign or something. She put it on her back like a tramp stamp. I talked about how the media is going to be so confused about this accident. How unusual, a pile up..inside a building!!

I’m swimming in murky, mossy water next to a bunch of Japanese people on vacation. They think it feels good, I’m just trying not to touch the bottom because I'm grossed out. People get out of a watering hole just in time before it overflows. They think it's fun.

D and I are walking through a building. He talks about being a Monk. It’s something he’s interested in. I see jiujitsu type robes but it turns out they’re pants that come up to the waist with a square cutout at the very center. It's specifically for the monks. The monks overhear him talking about his interest and invite him to talk with them. He does and I leave the room and wait for him in the entrance of the bulding. Girls are coming in to take showers. They start whispering that I lost my husband. I look around and am not seeing him. “Oh no, I lost him again.” I asked the Monks where he went and they started acting very shady. They were Indian. They wanted money before they told me. I gave them the coin they asked for and then they were telling me multiple things, unsure of which lie to stick with. I became really upset. I told them this shouldn’t be that hard. All of them were silent except the one to my left. I looked their monastery up online. There were pics of D on their website as though he worked there. They had quotes from him and stories about Western repressed sexuality. But then someone had posted an undercover video of the Monks called, “The only thing they want to give you is LIES”. Now I was furious and felt sick. I went back to them. The talkative guy had gone into a glass box like a protected receptionist's desk. I told him, “I have a lot of money,” and showed him a handful of coins from my pocket. “I will give it all to you but you have to tell me where he is and you have to be right about it. If I find him I will come back and pay you.” He refused. He said nothing. I felt a huge sense of loss and despair. I wondered if this was a dream. This was so awful it had to be a dream. But it was so real. I thought really hard about what is real and woke up with a startle and reached in the bed to make sure my husband was actually there. Then I fell back asleep and re-entered the dream. I walked outside into the courtyard. Naturally, I figured he shape shifted into a snake. I called for him and got down on all fours so I’d be easier to see. I even hissed. Then I saw his phone and my old phone in someone’s yard. It had a lot of missed calls on it from me. I walked up to the house and there were people inside talking. A couple. They were talking about how he’s in a relationship, a religious one (marriage). I want to break in to look for D but I know that if I do, I’ll have to kill those people.

Got pulled into an area where a super creepy witch wouldn’t let go of a girl. She had really long arms that were wrapped around a semi, holding the girl and she had red reflective eyes. She kept cackling. Then she started coming at me. She got me and smothered me. I was scared. But then she started telling me nice things. She let me go. She tried to drive positive things home out of fear. But I was still disturbed. Later I saw her in the hallway by the ER laying in a bed covered in blood and wounds. She looked more like a normal blonde now. She reached out to me like she needed help and I tried to avoid her. I didn’t want to play her games. She kept doing things like that. I thought about stabbing her or cutting her throat. I told a cop she should arrest her and sarcastically she said, “approved” reminding me I didn’t have that authority. I was walking by a pond contemplating that it’s good I didn’t kill her without talking to police first because I would have gone to prison. It seemed like I was destined to go to prison. It started raining in slow motion and I laid on the grass and enjoyed it. Then she came out and decided she wanted to be my girlfriend and date me. I agreed for some reason. I started going through checks and told her I’ve been friends with lesbians but never in that way. I was reminded of a lesbian friend whom I had wanted that didn’t want me back and it hurt. She told me we would start with an event planner. We got to up to leave and I woke up sudden and anxiously.

Got called into work on a Sunday but it was Friday night at the same time. D was working. I hung out with him a while and he just stood there. I mentioned how easy his job is on the weekends. Kevin came in and I was surprised. I pretended not to see him. Surgery got really busy. I helped over there. There was a patient whose temp wasn’t reading and I told Amy. She said he was too hot and going to get heat rash. I took his blankets off. He started waking up. He was agitated. He tried to get out of bed and take his IV and foley out. I convinced him not to. Amy told me I need to wear a hair cap. I was so irritated that she told me that with no thanks after I just saved her patient. I tried to tell others but they wouldn’t listen. There were a lot of workers that didn’t get along. Surveyors were at the hospital. In the locker room we decided we should all get along so people passed around party invitations but they were mostly to Christmas events and child bdays. A doctor put in an order for a procedure (last one of that room). I didn’t know how to put it through so I asked if I push enter and then I pushed it. The screen went gray and static. Everyone was annoyed. We had to restart the computer. I was so annoyed that I had been working all day I almost cried. I had three missed calls from D hours ago. He must have gone already. I left without asking anybody.

Becky in the bathrub with her two babies. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see the older girl behind the baby boy.

Two women in a shower sudsing each other. They had a taboo relationship like mother and daughter or something. One was saying something to the other as she bent her over and then realized she was alone and it was all an illusion.

With grandparents. They showed us the Scottish castle they inherited that they were turning into a water park. They put all their grandkids in a cage to take them there. The Scottish side of the family is very proper. The other side is annoying and intrusive.